Down to Birth

#71 | December Q&A: Postpartum Hair Loss; Fear of Childbirth; Sex During Pregnancy; Postpartum Resentment; Induction for High Blood Pressure; A Mother's Stress on Baby; Co-Lactation in Same-Sex Parents

December 30, 2020 Cynthia Overgard & Trisha Ludwig Season 1 Episode 71
Down to Birth
#71 | December Q&A: Postpartum Hair Loss; Fear of Childbirth; Sex During Pregnancy; Postpartum Resentment; Induction for High Blood Pressure; A Mother's Stress on Baby; Co-Lactation in Same-Sex Parents
Chapters
1:18
Can babies pick up on their mother's stress?
5:37
How does co-lactating work and is it worth it?
11:22
How do I handle my postpartum feelings of resentment toward my husband?
21:40
Do I need to be induced for a past history of high blood pressure?
23:50
Is it possible to have a pain free labor?
29:29
Is it typical to have a higher sex drive in pregnancy?
31:51
Why am I losing all my hair postpartum?
36:54
Outtake
Down to Birth
#71 | December Q&A: Postpartum Hair Loss; Fear of Childbirth; Sex During Pregnancy; Postpartum Resentment; Induction for High Blood Pressure; A Mother's Stress on Baby; Co-Lactation in Same-Sex Parents
Dec 30, 2020 Season 1 Episode 71
Cynthia Overgard & Trisha Ludwig

Our last episode of 2020 is here and it's loaded with great questions!  Have you wondered why so many women experience significant hair loss postpartum? How much does a mother's experience of stress impact her baby? Why do I feel so resentful toward my husband?  My OB wants to induce me for a past history of high blood pressure even though my blood pressure is currently normal. What's up with my sex drive in pregnancy? And, is it possible to experience a pain free birth? 

Thank you to all of our listeners and our community.  What a wonderful year it has been on the podcasting front!  Please remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you tune in so you'll never miss an episode.  See you next week and next year!
* * * * * * * * * *

If you enjoyed this episode of the Down To Birth Show, please subscribe and share with your pregnant and postpartum friends.

Between episodes, connect with us on Instagram @DownToBirthShow to see behind-the-scenes production clips and join the conversation by responding to our questions and polls related to pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood. You can reach us at [email protected] or call (802) 438-3696 (802-GET-DOWN). We are always happy to hear from our listeners and appreciate questions for our monthly Q&A episodes. To join our monthly newsletter, text "downtobirth" to 22828.

You can sign up for Cynthia's HypnoBirthing classes as well as online breastfeeding classes and weekly postpartum support groups run by Cynthia & Trisha at HypnoBirthing of Connecticut

Please remember we don’t provide medical advice, and to speak with your licensed medical provider related to all your healthcare matters. Thanks so much for joining in the conversation, and see you next week!

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/cynthiaovergard)

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Our last episode of 2020 is here and it's loaded with great questions!  Have you wondered why so many women experience significant hair loss postpartum? How much does a mother's experience of stress impact her baby? Why do I feel so resentful toward my husband?  My OB wants to induce me for a past history of high blood pressure even though my blood pressure is currently normal. What's up with my sex drive in pregnancy? And, is it possible to experience a pain free birth? 

Thank you to all of our listeners and our community.  What a wonderful year it has been on the podcasting front!  Please remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you tune in so you'll never miss an episode.  See you next week and next year!
* * * * * * * * * *

If you enjoyed this episode of the Down To Birth Show, please subscribe and share with your pregnant and postpartum friends.

Between episodes, connect with us on Instagram @DownToBirthShow to see behind-the-scenes production clips and join the conversation by responding to our questions and polls related to pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood. You can reach us at [email protected] or call (802) 438-3696 (802-GET-DOWN). We are always happy to hear from our listeners and appreciate questions for our monthly Q&A episodes. To join our monthly newsletter, text "downtobirth" to 22828.

You can sign up for Cynthia's HypnoBirthing classes as well as online breastfeeding classes and weekly postpartum support groups run by Cynthia & Trisha at HypnoBirthing of Connecticut

Please remember we don’t provide medical advice, and to speak with your licensed medical provider related to all your healthcare matters. Thanks so much for joining in the conversation, and see you next week!

Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/cynthiaovergard)

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of HypnoBirthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Podcast. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

Okay, before we get into the questions that you pulled, I want to ask a question that a client of mine from my postpartum zoom class has submitted Trisha. It says can babies pick up on their mother's energy or in particular their stress? I just want to first point out that it's so common to see a sensitive mom worrying about this because we all feel stressed postpartum. Right? Absolutely, it's impossible not to the sleep deprivation alone would be stressful, but taking care of a baby is so stressful. And there was a study published in psychological science that found that babies do pick up on their mother's stress levels, unfortunately, but there's, there's still something to do about it. But first a little bit about this study. They first measured the mothers and the babies by attaching heart monitoring sensors to both of them. And they just got a baseline of their cardiac function. And then they put the mothers into two groups. For each group of mothers, they went to a room and they had to give a five minute presentation followed by a q&a. And for one group of the mothers, when they were engaging in the QA, the evaluators in that session, were nodding and smiling and being affirming as the women were answering questions. And of course, the women didn't know what the study was about, right. But in the other room where the women were giving a five minute presentation and then responding to a five minute q&a, the evaluators were shaking their heads, they were frowning, sounds cruel. When I finished that they measured the women and those who were subjected to the negative environment and did in fact have higher levels of cardiac stress and more negative emotions. But here's the key. Within minutes of being reunited with their babies, the babies whose mothers receive negative feedback showed significant increases in heart rate compared to their baseline measurements. And not only that, but the more stress that the mom was experiencing, the greater the stress response in her baby. It kind of pains me to share this because I know how women feel hearing this, we're all we're all would be thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm feeling stressed. Now my baby is feeling stressed. But I just want you to think about it from this one perspective that you are so inextricably bonded to your baby, that that's a really beautiful thing. That's it, that's a healthy thing. We're meant to experience all of the full range of emotions and stress is a part of the experience of, of being alive. And we're preparing our babies for that full rich experience. But the most important thing is there are things you can do about your distress. So don't put too much pressure on yourself. Don't feel too guilty about this. But do empower yourself where you can that you can slow your breath to reduce your stress hormones. It can be that simple.

That's exactly right. I mean, that was the first thing that came to my head if you can, if you can do nothing else if you can't go for a jog or take a yoga class or you know, sit in a bath for a half an hour.

You do every day. Did you postpartum it? Did you have the time for that?
Definitely not. No, no, no.

Oh my god. I know. That's probably why I enjoy it so much now because I can. So anyway, but the point is something as simple as just taking a moment to take a few deep breaths significantly calms your nervous system. And your baby is not only responsive to your stress level, but it's also responsive to your calmness and to your peace. So those vibrations are picked up whether they're stressful or not. So I think to your point We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom and to do no harm to our children as we raise them. But stress is an inherent part of life. It's a healthy part of life when it's when it's intermittent stress, it's good for our bodies. It's the chronic stress, that's a problem. So, take a deep breath. Take it easy on yourself, and know that every single mother everywhere in the world is having moments of stress and their babies are feeling it but are resilient to it.

Exactly.

All right. The next question, Trisha is for you. It's from one of my same sex couple clients. And the question is this. My wife and I have discussed the possibility of CO lactating and I was curious what the process is for the non birthing mother? Is it worth it? What are the pros and cons? Does it promise a healthier immune system? Interesting question.

Yeah, that last part is really interesting. I never actually thought about that part of it. But I can see why you would think that it actually makes sense that if you're getting antibodies from two different mothers with two different microbiomes of their own, that you're going to have a wider array of immune protection. Doesn't I mean, that seems kind of logical. But I don't think there's a lot of research out there on this topic. Definitely collecting is possible. Before I go into the process of how you do it, the question isn't worth it is a very personal question.

I think it really depends on what the goals are for you and your partner. I think it could be challenging, but I think it could also be really rewarding. I think maintaining two milk supplies is a lot of effort. But certainly there are ways that it could be done. What are your thoughts, Cynthia, I mean, I would love if this couple ends up doing it, or if another same sex couple out there ends up co lactating, we'd love to have them on to share a little bit about what that's like, because I don't think we can even foresee I think we can foresee the benefits, I don't think we can foresee the challenges, I guess my thinking is breastfeeding is is a great responsibility. And it has a learning curve associated with it. It has a clunky period in the beginning, you know, where you've got like a lot of excess milk, maybe or you're leaking, or you're figuring it all out. And you're developing a rhythm with the baby. And I wonder how that responsibility could be shared. It sounds like it could be easier if it's shared. But I do wonder how that might be much more difficult, like if one woman has encouragement, and then the baby isn't ready for feeding or the process of coordinating supply and demand between two different people for one baby sounds complicated simply because supply and demand is essential, right for healthy breastfeeding for your breast to for your breast to not get plugged up to have just the right amount of milk to not have too much to not have too little. And when you're splitting that between two people, I mean, if you're not around each other, to switch back and forth every other feed, it gets very hard for your body to adjust to a rhythm. Because there's two different people with different dynamics and different schedules and different breast capacity and different milk production rates. So I do think this is totally possible. But I'd love to hear how I'd love to hear what people do to make it work.

Yeah, I think my thoughts on this are just a matter of for you know, this is so personal, that I don't really feel even entitled to an opinion on it. But I would say to anyone who's considering this, sit down with your partner and ask yourself very honestly, for whose sake would we be doing this? The reason I say that is that I've met enough couples over the years in an opposite sex marriage, where the mother said to me, we're going to be doing formula because my husband wants to he figures I'm going to have enough time with the baby. He wants to be able to Formula feed as much as possible. I think that that can make sense for people based on maybe their schedules or their lifestyles, but purely for the sake of coming up with something so that Father feels included, I don't think is necessarily right for all three people. I think in the case of CO lactating. It might make sense if it really is best for all three people like will the baby really have the benefits of this? Will the birthing mother, the primary breastfeeding mother whose body is lactating? Will she have a benefit of sharing lactation? And will the non birthing mother have a benefit? That when that's an affirmative answer for all three, I think then it's worth having a serious conversation. But if it's in that realm of Let's help the other parent to feel included in a way that they naturally will not feel included. I'm not sure that that's necessarily going to be the best For all the parties, I think I think that's a great answer. And I do just want to touch briefly on the process for doing it. And I would say that you should do this in coordination and supervision with a Board Certified lactation consultant, because it does require oversight, and it does require prescriptive medication. So you can induce lactation by taking oral contraceptive pills for three to six months prior to initiating lactation, you have to take them continuously. And then you withdraw them at generally six months. And what happens is when you withdraw those hormones, it's similar to what happens when you give birth, the estrogen and progesterone levels suddenly drop. And that allows prolactin levels to increase. So you're trying to basically simulate the same hormonal process of pregnancy and postpartum. Additionally, you need to take a medication called domperidone. It is not FDA approved for this purpose in the United States. But it does work and it is safe. You need to also take galactagogue like fenugreek and go through.

And we would love to hear how it goes. If you do it.

Yeah, please let us know. And the student is the teacher. So please come back and educate us on this. Cool. So here's another one for you. I keep struggling with my husband, I have no idea if my resentment is because of me or him. What I do know is I see him as very insensitive to me right now. And I'm feeling fragile. For example, He keeps making comments about me not keeping up our house is tidy, during these nine weeks postpartum are saying he's tired after work and sitting in front of the TV with my toddler when I asked him to play with me to play with me, because it's just what I've been looking forward to all day. I just want to play.

I have all this energy. Okay. This brings me to a playground anything, please.  Play with me, honey, play with me? Or that kind of play?

Okay, come on. Here we go. We should have we should have taken like read professional reading classes before starting.

That's the way the questions are written. They're long sentences like, okay, that's fine. Here we go. For example, He keeps making comments about me not keeping your house as tidy during these nine weeks postpartum or saying he is tired after work. And sitting in front of the TV with my toddler, when I ask slash beg him to play with him while I get ready for dinner or do dishes or whatever, I feel hurt. Like he is not putting as much effort into parenting as I am. When I think about everything I keep coming back to the thing that really upsets me, is him. I keep wondering if I would feel so fragile if he left me alone about the house for now or took an initiative to do things with our toddler.

So here's my question.

Am I that postpartum mom that is resentful of her spouse? Or are my feelings valid? Thank you for your podcast. I really appreciate the q&a.

Your feelings are valid. Next question.

Exactly simple done.

Resentment is a very common postpartum emotion. I don't think I have to explain why. But sure, I'll say a thing or two about it. Your Life has completely changed, every single aspect of your life has completely changed. And while your partner feels his or her life has also completely changed, their life has not completely changed, like their body hasn't changed and their daily schedule may not have changed nearly as much as yours, or their their level of exhaustion might have not have changed as much as yours. They're not going through a physical recovery that you're going through. They might not feel as isolated from their friends or suddenly disassociated from their friends. So it's legitimate to feel whatever you're feeling and when you ask whether the resentment is because of you or because of him. It's not really the way to think about it. It's just the nature of the situation is that he does have more freedom and flexibility in his life right now. So of course, you're going to feel some emotions around that. When it comes to housework you. I mean, the first thing is education, your partner needs to understand what you're feeling. And if you aren't able to explain that and truly to educate your partner in anything related to perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Then find a professional who does or find maybe one of our podcast episodes where we cover it because they need to get some kind of insight and window into the world that you're living in. As for housework, you guys have to agree like do we let it go? Are we just going to live in a mess for a while? That's stressful? But maybe so is doing the housework Are we going to invest in having someone come into the home maybe just every two weeks to clean the house, maybe just for a year of our lives. We're gonna treat ourselves to this, it's one less thing we have to argue about are one less pain and discomfort we have to endure in a messy house? Or do we change it up? Like do you just say, look, I will do all the laundry, you do all the vacuuming and dusting or all the grocery shopping for the next year, it's going to be more work for both of you, no matter how you look at it, there's going to be no way to alleviate that. And if your partner thinks that his or her lifestyle shouldn't change in that regard, that just isn't fair. And it isn't really realistic. And it's not helpful. No, and that's where resentment comes from, y'all.

I also just want to add that, you know, you don't have to be experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety to feel resentment, postpartum. It's pretty much I can feel

it at will, if I really think about it.

I think even the most joy is happy, delighted, you know, new mothers feel some amount of resentment toward their partner for all the reasons that you just said. So, you know, to her question, am I that postpartum mom, that sounds like, you know, she doesn't want to be that postpartum mom, but I'm gonna say like, show me a mom who's not that mom. Because, yes, there are degrees of it. And it's more severe in some relationships than others. But it is also pretty much prevalent to some extent and 100%, of postpartum relationship dynamics somewhere, and it will last This is known to be the hardest chapter of, of a marriage. So, and Trisha, I want to throw a little story out there for everyone to, to hear while we're on this topic, that I was reading a message in a postpartum group that I belong to, of professionals and also postpartum moms, suffering perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. And one woman shared in the group, that she had a traumatic birth. And she shared that she feels waves of jealousy whenever she hears about a woman who had an easy, wonderful birth. completely understandable, like 100%, understandable. And she was sharing that she told her own mother, she confessed to her own mother. Gosh, when I hear about a woman who has an easy birth, I can't help but feel jealous. And her mother said to her, Well, I would hope you'd feel happy for any woman who has an easy birth rather than jealous, or not exactly the reply, she was hoping for the reply she was hoping for, and it means she's talking to the wrong person.

That's just not a supportive comment. Sure, you know, you that's true statement. And this woman probably does also feel that way. But she's entitled to feel jealousy as well. You can feel jealous of another person's experience that also feel happy for them that they had that experience.

I mean, if you've suffered a traumatic birth, it's not going to be easy to feel happy for anyone, you might be wishing all women, as we wish, have a birthday feel at peace with. But what's so important for the people around you to understand and use really, it really is your responsibility to educate the people around you. Because no one else is going to be doing it, you have to tell your partner, your your family members, your friends, if need be, if they're close enough with you, that you are at high risk of experiencing guilt right now. So whatever they do, they have to make sure they're not saying anything to make you feel guilty, because for that woman who is recovering from a traumatic birth, emotionally, she is at high risk of postpartum depression right off the bat. And now to say something to make her feel guilty or to make her wonder if she isn't a good person, on top of it, a good hearted person or whatever it is, now her suffering is greater. And now she's going to be in a less constructive place to get the help and support she needs and she'll be less likely to open up.

That's exactly right. I mean, what her mother's her mother's response really was a comment to that would cause this woman to feel shame, or to feel ashamed about herself and her feelings. And that is the opposite way of helping somebody heal.

Yeah, exactly. So it's good that you're recognizing you're feeling the resentment. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Except your feelings don't show your feelings. They're completely normal. Prepare yourself to have a conversation about the housework as need be and just do remember, these emotions are very intense, but they are temporary. And so long as you deal with them.

Yeah, I mean, you're not going to live the rest of your life feeling this way. So we have moments where thinking we do so who knows. No, I'm kidding. I'd love resentment conversations. I don't know why it's just like my favorite emotion to talk about.

It's a sneaky little little emotion that you know really can be very destructive, if not dealt with. So yes, the you know, the take home here is the longer you let it go, the worse it gets. You know, I do have one more thing to say about resentment. Resentment is unexpressed anger. And when you feel anger of any kind, it's really valuable to recognize that anger. is classified as a secondary emotion. You do have an underlying emotion beneath the anger and a lot of people say no I don't I'm just angry. I'm just angry. No, you're really not you're very likely hurt. That's very likely the emotion underneath the anger. Yes. But when you feel angry or resentful toward your partner, try if you can to get to the part of you that's hurt. So that when you have a conversation with your partner, that's where you're coming from, not the anger. But from I feel hurt when dot dot dot. I feel hurt when you just want to talk to me about the housework as an example, that's exactly right.

Oh, tough times, we know we understand.

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I recently found out that due to my past history of high blood pressure, my doctor shared that she will feel very likely to want to induce me at 39 weeks, my blood pressure has been under control without the use of drugs and medications for years and has been sitting at a healthy range during my pregnancy so far at 24 weeks. While I understand the serious complications that can present themselves if my blood pressure were to rise, I would hate to be set on a path of interventions due to my past, if my blood pressure stays stable throughout the pregnancy and labor, a lot to discuss with my obstetrician slash midwife team. But I do want to get your perspective on this. How do I navigate this to protect the integrity and dignity of the labor and birth that I would like to have? What are your thoughts, Trisha?

So my thoughts are this if she does not have high blood pressure and pregnancy, there's no reason to alter anything about her prenatal care, or there is no indication to induce. So I think what's happening here is that her ob, is assuming that based on her past history of high blood pressure, she will develop high blood pressure in pregnancy. And while a past history of high blood pressure prior to pregnancy is a risk factor for gestational hypertension, or even preeclampsia. It doesn't it's not an absolute, it doesn't mean that that is definitely going to happen. So as long as her blood pressure remains normal, it sounds like whatever she's been doing for her lifestyle prior to getting pregnant has been working to keep her blood pressure and a healthy range. I would say you should continue with those same things and continue your course of prenatal care and your your plan for birth just as you want it to be. And don't let this you know, potential risk of developing high blood pressure fault or anything, should it happen, you can address it at that time for now, stick with the plan as is. And hopefully, in having that discussion with your ob or midwife team, they will understand that currently there's no risk.

Any thoughts from you? No, that makes perfect sense. Absolutely. Without a medical indication. You don't need to take action like that.

So here's one for you. That should be an interesting discussion. How can a person have a natural but pain free labor? Is this really possible? And if so, can you share how best to accomplish this?

Okay, so I have a few thoughts first, yes, it's possible. In my HypnoBirthing classes, I show videos of women whose babies just slipped out and it just blows the minds of anyone watching. So yes, it's possible. But I would encourage you to get the word pain out of your vocabulary related to your pregnancy and birth. This is a cultural norm. So you might not even be aware of the fact that the word pain has been introduced, probably since you were very young. But if you were to approach something else in your life, like planning to run a marathon, what if the world around you just inundated you with thoughts of pain, injury, life and death? We just cheer people on who are going to do some marathon or triathlon. We don't do this with birth. We talk about life and death. And we talk about pain and suffering. You're going to experience intensity. But just like Cynthia was saying, it's really about how you how you perceive the sensation that you're feeling. Absolutely. Also, it's about the environment that you're giving birth in. So women who are giving birth in an environment where they feel safe and supported, that allows their physiology to kick in and produce its own natural pain management system, and the whole chemical cascade that takes place that helps us cope with the sensation of labor, and making it not a painful experience and intense experience. But not pain is associated, like you said, with fear. So women who are giving birth in a environment where they feel very afraid, where they don't feel supported, where there's a lot of intervention where the stimulus around them is creating anxiety and stress. That's where labor can become painful.

What if you could appreciate pain as a really helpful mechanism in your body to get your attention when something is really wrong. When you break a bone, when your hand is too close to a flame, when you have a toothache, when you have a headache, it forces you to lie down and rest, right. So that is actually a really wonderful system in our body that we can be grateful for. It keeps us alive, and it keeps us healthy. And it forces us to take action when we need to take care of ourselves. And we would otherwise ignore it. I want you to imagine, because this all comes down to your belief systems, this component is not about right or wrong. I want you to imagine that nature has an intention for you, to keep you comfortable, and to keep you alive. And well. Because nature what nature needs from you, is to be there at the end of this birth not only alive, but to take your baby into your arms and love your baby as all the other mammals around the world do without knowing anything about attachment parenting, or the importance of skin to skin, right. I mean, they give birth. And it is pure instinct to love and take care of that baby and to be ready to kill or die for that baby. So nature is really priming us to fall in love, and to feel well enough to care for the baby from the moment the baby comes out. So if we can think positively about nature. And that's why we get endorphins, all third all through birth, because nature wants us to feel good. If we can appreciate that completely eradicate the word pain from our vocabulary for this period of of your life, then it's going to change everything. And also, it's important to keep in mind your birth isn't predestined. If you're uncomfortable in labor, you can often become comfortable with food, water, more support or change in position.

I think that's a really important last point, because I don't, it can be a very painful and uncomfortable experience for people. But a lot of that has to do with the restrictions that are that are put on them throughout labor and how you're giving birth. So I have seen women experience a lot of pain in birth when they are giving birth on their back. Or if their baby is well positioned because they're unable to be upright and mobile to help their baby get into the optimal position. I've also seen women give birth silently. I've seen women give birth. And you know, those women who are given birth silently seem to be experiencing not even discomfort. And then there are women who give birth ecstatically joyously like like dancing, laughing, singing, even orgasmic birth is possible. Absolutely. So it is about, like you said, your belief system, but is has a tremendous amount to do with your environment. It usually does indicate something like fetal positioning. So that is, again, that mechanism of your body to get your attention and say, Hey, you need to deal with something here.

But to go into it expecting it is going to change your experience for sure. You're going to filter it through that expectation.

And just remember to when we feel afraid, we feel stress, and we feel pain. When we feel safe. And we trust we feel relaxed, which allows us to feel the sensation, but not have the pain response triggered. So creating that safe, trusting environment is essential. Trisha, I've got one for you.

Great.

This is a question about sex. Sweet. All right. I've noticed my sex drive is suddenly much higher now that I'm pregnant. Is this typical for women? I've asked several of my friends and only one other woman agreed. The others felt uneasy about having sex in pregnancy because of the way their body is changing and they worry about the baby. My husband is thrilled about my newfound interest, but also worried about hurting the baby. Should I be worried about that? Please advise on why this is and whether it's okay.

So this is really a very common question. Almost every couple asks about whether they can have sex and pregnancy. And the answer is an absolute Yes. And the truth is that women's libido is higher in pregnancy and also lower in pregnancy. And it really just depends on where you are in pregnancy. So in the first trimester, we tend to have a lower sex drive, we tend to be kind of, we tend to be sort of overwhelmed by the feelings of the first trimester, which is, you know, we're exhausted, we might be nauseous. And so not that interested in sex. By the second trimester, we're over those feelings, and we have high levels of estrogen that are kicking in. And this is kind of like those glory days of pregnancy, the second trimester glow where your hair gets thick, and your skin gets beautiful, and your sex drive goes up. And it is safe to have sex and pregnancy, that it is a common worry that you're going to hurt the baby. But the baby is well protected.

So is there any condition under which it wouldn't be safe? Is there any? Oh, sure.

Yes. I mean, there are situations if you have placenta previa, or things, they're bleeding and pregnancy, those are things you would want to talk to your care provider about. But in general, for normal pregnancy, take advantage of those nice levels of higher levels of estrogen and all the extra stimulation to the erotic parts of your body. So yeah, go for it. Enjoy.

Trisha, you mentioned something about hormones and skin and hair being wonderful during second trimester. And believe it or not, the next question falls perfectly in line.

Okay, cool.

This one says my baby is two months old, and I'm struggling with postpartum hair loss. Why is nature so cruel? I lost tons around my hairline. Why is it more severe for some women than others, I literally have to park my hair differently.

Well, once again, it's hormonally driven. So every woman's hormonal makeup is different. And I think that is the explanation for why it happens differently for different women. It is very normal. So we have increased hair growth during pregnancy. And so what happens with postpartum is that we're shedding even more hair. So rather than hair loss, it's considered it's better to describe it as excessive shedding. It's just temporary and it's hormonally driven. And there are situations where it can be excessive and almost frightening Lee so this woman sounds like she's kind of describing that where this feels very like scary, like my hair is literally, you know, developing bald spots. In those cases, I would have someone get their thyroid checked, or just check for anemia. Because those are two things postpartum that are can be common and can contribute to increased hair loss postpartum.

Gotta love those hormones. were completely driven by hormones, every single thing about us when we're awake when we're getting sleepy when we're hungry when we're no longer hungry. Sex drives pregnancy, like there's just no aspect of our lives that isn't driven by hormones.

That's why some women love menopause. Because everything stabilizes after menopause. It's like a flatline.

At once you get through the menopausal transition, and you're postmenopausal. Your hormones are so much more steady, and women don't experience all those variations of moods and energy and whatever related to their changing hormones.

Interesting. Alright, so you know what, this is our last episode of 2020. We launched on New Year's at the beginning of the year. And boy, Trisha, what a year it's been for us what a wonderful year it's been for us. Sure, has so much more fun than I ever imagined it would be. And what would you say is something you didn't expect? It's been really great.

I didn't expect how many interesting people we would meet anybody and everybody, like, could be on the show. And that's been so fun to just talk to all these interesting people literally around the world.

Exactly. They sometimes come to mind while we're recording, like there's a woman in South Africa who said she changed providers because she was hooked on the podcast. And you know, that point really got across about finding the right provider. And I was just texting this morning with a woman in Idaho, who said she interviewed 15 home birth midwives and I said you have 15 home birth midwives in Idaho, because we don't here in Connecticut, but it the connection has just made it so fulfilling, just so much fun, really getting to know these people.

We as human beings are hardwired to connect and this podcast has given us so many more tentacles for making connections with people and the fact that women are willing to basically share some of their most intimate And vulnerable details about their life with us who are strangers to them outside of this podcast is so special. Yeah. It's very, really rewarding. So thank you, listeners, thank you to our community. Thank you for being part of this. It was always our goal to have it be a reciprocal type of environment. Where we share you share.

It's all about connection and community. Yes, for sure. And the other top benefit, if not the top benefit is getting to her. Can you Trisha I love every minute.

Ah, are you sure work and play? I am so sure.

Well, right back at you, Cynthia. I mean, we thought we were good friends before. This is like being a married couple.

Oh, without the resentment.

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