Be the Undercover Boss of Your Life

Do you get frustrated by poor communication, disagreements, and unreliable behavior when dealing with people in your work and personal life? It's super common, yet how do you think CEOs for large corporations feel in the same situations?

If you've ever seen the show "Undercover Boss" where CEOs go undercover as entry-level employees in their own business, you can find out. They often put up with the most ridiculous treatment and situations that they aren't used to because they are used to being some of the most well-off and powerful people wherever they go. Instead of reacting with frustration, they usually react with curiosity and then at the end of the show, not wanting to tolerate the bad behaviors, they get creative and institute changes in their company. 

You might say, easy for them, they're powerful and rich, so why would they get mad when they know they're just visiting that life? What if we turn it around and ask, "What if they're powerful and rich because they never get frustrated at life situations, they just get curious and creative with how to handle them?"

You're playing a role, the only question is, which role do you want to play now? You might have picked up a role when you were younger and just been in the habit of playing that role, but at any time, in any situation, you can change your role. 

You can BE the Undercover Boss of Your Life

In this episode, I share stories and situations about stepping into the role of CEO of your life.

What's an area of your life where you wish you were in charge, but don't feel like you are?

Part of being a good CEO in your life is knowing your talents, your support team, and areas of improvement. These are all things I teach you in my Fire Proof Life Shield Masterclass. You can get the recording at justinwenck.com/fireproof. It's also a major focus of my Best-Selling Book "Engineered to Love" which you can get from Amazon or Barnes & Noble. 

Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'

These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.

Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love. 

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

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Transcript

Justin Wenck: 0:07

Hi, I'm Justin Wenck, PhD, and you're listening to the engineering emotions and energy podcast. Are you ready to bust burnout, pursue your passion have more time, money, energy, and relationships you actually love, including the relationship with yourself. If so, then this podcast is for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant, speaker, and a leader in transforming people's lives from living in fear, obligation and guilt, to living a life of joy, ease and love. What's most important is that I can teach you all this in a way that's enjoyable, easy, fast, and can actually last. Let's begin. Welcome to the show. Today, I'm talking about being the undercover boss of your life. Have you ever like felt frustrated? Because people are just, you know, they're they're unreliable? They're not showing up? They're not doing what you want? Maybe they're communicating poorly, maybe they're being mean to you? How does that make you feel? Usually bad? Shitty, like, this sucks. Like, how come I gotta put up with this? You know, these are people in your life that you you'd like to tell them? Hey, this is not cool. knock this off. Stop it yet, do you? Probably not. If you did, and then they stopped it, you probably wouldn't be frustrated by it. So today, we're going to be talking about what if you were ultimately always the undercover boss of your life? So you're like, Okay, that sounds sounds nice. Where does this come from? Well, this candidate, a friend recently had a, had an issue with his his job with some of his bosses. And he eventually ended up basically behaving like a boss in my opinion. And that shifted everything. And this is also really reminded me of the show Undercover Boss. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. But first, let's talk about a little bit some some fun, exciting things going on, I just recorded a an unboxing video of my hardcover version of engineering, to love going beyond success to fulfillment. So I'm going to be giving a lot of those copies to some of my mentors that are mentioned in the acknowledgments. Because just a way to thank them, and let them see, you know, the amazing benefit that I've gotten. And I know many, many people that have worked with these mentors have gotten to sort of a way of me circling back and going, thank you for all you did for me. And I'm looking forward to in the future, many, many people having really amazing things happen in their life and love to, you know, you've worked with me, or, you know, from this, this podcast, and you do a book, let me know, I'd like to get a copy or, you know, maybe whatever it is you offer, I'd love to know, especially if I helped impact you. So that's a really cool thing. Another thing is, I'm getting ready for a really big, long, exciting trip. So if you aren't subscribed to the engineering, emotions and energy podcast yet, I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna want to be subscribed. And I mean, while you're at it, you know, hitting buttons in these podcast listening applications, you might as well leave a five star review letting everybody know how much you enjoy it. But I'm going to be traveling to Costa Rica, then Guatemala, and then to New Mexico. And so this is going to be over about three or four weeks. So I'm leaving in about a week and a half. And I'm gonna be gone for about three and a half, four weeks. So I'd love to always get a chance to record remotely, so I can bring you some really fun stories and some learnings and things. I know, one of my most popular episodes of all time was last one, I was in Mexico, which was in November of 2022. So you know, there's a lot a lot to get done. It's this is like the longest I've gone without traveling internationally. As you know, it's been almost eight, eight months. Whereas last year, I think I went on three or four international trips spread out throughout the year. So I'm really looking forward to it, it's gonna be really fun, it's gonna be really awesome. And I would love to be sharing the adventures and all the fun with you and the learnings. Because if you're someone who hasn't done a lot of traveling to other countries, it's different. And that's part of the amazement is the experience. But then also, the challenge is because things get done differently, things don't go the way they go, here in the US, or wherever it is, you are all the time. And so maybe you can't travel as much as I can. Or maybe you just don't like to, but you can get the benefit just by listening to the show and also watching me on social media. So you'll go into Justin Wenck, PhD on Facebook, Instagram, tik, Tok, LinkedIn, all the things. No, so I'll be posting pictures and videos and cool stuff like that. It's it's gonna be a lot of fun. So I'm really looking forward to that. And let's see what else what else been going on? Well, so let's get into the topic, right? So being the undercover boss of your life. So yeah, this friend of mine. He's amazing at what he does. He's kind of in a sales type role where he's got quotas to meet every month or recorder, and he just about seems to meet everything and you know, a third of the time required, and then he exceeds it. And he's asked like, Hey, you did get a little bit more money. And they're like, No, and he's like, okay, then the company has unlimited, unlimited vacation, unlimited paid time off, which is a newer thing. And a lot of tech companies and other companies, especially if they're based in California here, because in California, there's very strict rules regulations about what has to be done with vacation, one of those things is that any vacation that has been accrued must be paid out if someone is terminated, or the employment agreement ends, for whatever reason. And this can result in, you know, some big, big things being left on these accounting Ledger's. And then if somebody does leave, or something happens, then he's in the paying big payouts. And companies really don't like paying out anything to anyone ever other than their shareholders. Because the shareholders are who ultimately runs runs these companies and who the companies are accountable to its shareholders, anyone else is, it doesn't matter. It's just in service to the shareholders. That's a fact. That's just the law. That's how it is, like it disagree, whatever. That's ultimately who's in charge of shareholders. So that's kind of why you probably see a lot of behavior that you see by most companies, you know, they'll do whatever to make the shareholders happy. If that means killing people, we have a company here in California called PG and E Pacific Gas and Electric literally got convicted of murdering people, because they thought that it would appease shareholders by making more money. And so they made some decisions that that murdered people. That's fact, because he got, he got convicted. So we're talking about, so he just wanted, he just wanted some vacation. And he has unlimited vacation. Oh, so the reason a lot of companies doing to unlimited vacation is because too, there's a couple of reasons. One, it sounds really awesome. When you're recruiting, it's like, yeah, come work for us unlimited vacation, you want you like vacation, how about all the vacation you want. So it sounds really good. If there's a little asterix that says always is, you know, without manager discretion, or with manager approval. So that's going to become important here in this story. The other reason companies like it, is that Unlimited, is also the same as none and according to you know, a lot of these laws and since there's nothing being tracked, there's nothing to be accrued, there's nothing to pay out. So it's literally you use the vacation or you lose the vacation. So companies love that from an accounting perspective. The other thing that ends up being interesting is, you know, what, that manager discretion, there's also a little bit of that social pressure of, you know, well, nobody's taking vacation. Are you a team player? Like, I mean, we're all we're all in this together, you know, what you're gonna leave us like, we have things to do with important stuff, like, what about coverage? What about the next project, all these things? So you know, it's unlimited in theory, in practice, culture, and the fact that we usually want to be doing whatever everyone else around us is doing, gets used to get people to often take less vacation than they otherwise would, if it was actually accrued into this set. Here, you're given two weeks, per year or three weeks per year. And then there's the little caveat with manager discretion. So this friend of mine, he really wanted to go to Japan even found like a great flight with a great deal. And he had his dates. And he goes, alright, I want to take my vacation this this time. And his manager just goes, well, let me let me get back to you. And my friend just goes, Okay, and then few days go by and nothing. And he eventually asked to escalate to human resources, and to his managers manager. And turns out, there was some, some things that weren't done maybe that were should, but at one point, he was like, I don't maybe I should make some more complaints or whatever, you know, and he's like, This is so frustrating, because I do so good. I know, I'm a key player. And I think I could even be the CEO of this place. And I was like, you could like, Yo, what's with this, you know, pretending like, you're, you're not in charge, like, why are you just accepting, like, be the CEO? I mean, don't go saying I'm the CEO. But what if you just were like the CEO, and just, you knew you're gonna get whatever you want. Like, even if this job doesn't work out. You're amazing. You can get another one. And he was like, Yeah. And I mean, he's, he's just great. So I don't even know if I helped anything or not. But for the sake of this, I'd like to think I did, and he would probably because he's a great friend. He'd probably credit me as well. So he went and he had these conversations, and he didn't exactly get what he wants, but he had the mindset of, he's going to be okay, he's gonna get his vacation, things are gonna work out. And he just had this place of curiosity, and being creative of, okay, well, let's, let's see how you guys want to do it. And it really reminded me because I found this time The time again that we're often dealing with children in adult bodies, where we think, Well, this is an adult, this person's, you know, been doing this for 20 3040 years, and they're rational, and they're, and it's like, no, they're, they're not, they're a lot like, they're a lot like a five year old, maybe sometimes a six year old. But a lot of times the people that are the most in charge are often the least mature. Because the thing is, with maturity comes awareness and insight that maybe you have some growing to do and some learning to do. Whereas usually very young kids, they don't know that they don't know what they don't know. And so they just will brashley Go and do and make happen, whatever they want to make happen. And I ever had a situation back when I was in Iowa for my grandmother's funeral, where I usually not around younger kids at all. So one of my cousin's heard has a turns out, he was a six year old, I could have sworn he was eight. And not that that's going to help or the story's going. Anyway, I thought it was eight, but he was six. And so it's after it's after the services at the funeral. And we're sitting down and I go, Oh, my God, hey, what's, what's your name? And he turns to me, and he goes, your mom. And I'm like, Okay, that's cool. My mom's my mom's dead. She died seven months before this, and that it's also like your and so I'm like that, that got me like, there's something a little up here, that's a little weird. And then smash cut to later that night, where the all the families getting together, we are having some food together, and you know, talking about past times, and things like that, all collectively. And for whatever reason, I know what the reasons I was, I was stressed out. And like, it was bringing up a lot of feelings, a lot of challenges. Being back in Iowa, where I spent time as a little kid, with family and, you know, my parents would often fight you know, when we'd be on these trips, and just not knowing how to behave or what's going on with these other adults and these other cousins and whatnot, that I only see every few years. It's very a lot. And so I was hitting the food. So I'm very proud of myself to only be hitting the food and not hitting other things. I mean, I don't hit people, but you know, there's think you could be drinking. And so just I was just overeating. So I was going to get some food, because it had been five minutes. Turns out, no one else is around in the kitchen except the six year old. And the six year old, he looks at me. And he goes, Hey, chubby fat man, what are you doing? And I was not in the mood for it. So I said, You do not talk to me like that, or anybody like it that is not appropriate. And I saw, I don't know if it was fear or surprise, I think nobody ever told this kid how to behave. I think everyone's just he's a darling little angel. And there is but then there's also like, hey, hey, Angel, be aware of other people and let that angelic part come out. And let's work with the parts that are a little less angelic. And the reason I bring that story up that I that I yelled at a six year old, I didn't yell. I was forceful in tone. I was clear that this was not to be tolerated. He didn't bother me the rest of the time, because remember, he did your mom joke earlier. And then he called me chubby Fat Man, which most people have told me they go, Justin, you are not chubby or fat. Yet somehow he looked into my inner child soul. That was I was chubby, and I was fat growing up. And so there's still a little bit of like, oh, but so I was like, That's not you know, it wasn't out of love. It was just out of fuckery. And I'm like, I had no fuckery from a six year old, and you need no fuckery from anybody in your life. So the point of this story is I was being the CEO of my life and be like, No, this is not okay. So when you feel like you can go, this is not okay, then things that are not okay. They kind of go away. Yet, we often feel like I can't do that I'm an underling or I'm less than or I'm not this or I'm not that. And that's just a role that you've decided to take on. We could be any kind of role at any time. And just because like maybe we're playing one role in some aspects, doesn't mean we have to take on all aspects of that. What what do I mean? This is where coming to this show called Undercover Boss, where I get the title of the show. And the intro, if you're not familiar with it, I think it was originally a British show. And it's since coming out to the US and I believe it's on CBS or whatever it is wherever. But the premise is, is that CEOs of these really really large companies. Oh, some other fun. Reminds me of other fun news as it I've got new people helping out now. Yeah, so when I was getting ready to launch the book, you know, I had been working with a great podcast editor. And it was just kind of like time is like I'm going to put the ball have cast on hold, I think it's just time for for us to go our separate ways. Because, yeah, it was just time, it was just time because I wasn't going to be doing the podcast, it ended up being like two months. So you know, to keep him around, that wouldn't have been really fair to him. So now we're getting ready, getting back into it, two months off, maybe even three months later getting back into the podcast. I'm like, Okay, I want some help with it. And so I've got, I've got a new team helping out, they've been doing doing really good. So big ups, if you've been listening to the previous two episodes, this is the third episode with the the new editing crew. So it's not just one person, it's a team. And they've also been helping with getting the clips out. So if you've been seen on the social media, like little reel from thing if my face or whatever. Yeah, so that's been really awesome. And then also have it brand new. Well, it's not new, I have been working with it for about a month, a virtual assistant, executive, a virtual executive assistant, have been working with her for the past month, and so she's also helping out. So a lot of this is, well, the reason I brought that up is because I'm coughing, and it's, it's fun for me to see because I'm kind of okay with you hearing me cough. But you know, these people that are working, there's they're so good one put out such a quality product and so amazed, there's a good chance, they might edit out that that coughing and that whatever. And now it's going to be just weird me talking about dead air, or lack of dead air and just going to be talking about my new amazing team. So this is in some ways, I've been learning to become the undercover boss are literally the boss because I am the CEO of my own company, my coaching business, that is what puts out this podcast and my book that is emotions, engineering, LLC, that's on the boss of that company. And I'm having a an actual team. Yet before that was, you know, team of me yet also anyone I work with and being my own boss. So getting back to Undercover Boss, the premises, you got CEOs of these fortune 500 companies, you know, like Buffalo Wild Wings, something like that, Danny's. I don't know if any of these have actually been on the show. But just imagine large companies usually service oriented. And the premise is that the CEO is gonna go undercover, and be one of like the new hires, you know, on the front lines, and get that experience. I think lately, the CEO of Starbucks has been saying he's going to barista once a month or something like that. But you know, the idea is to see that well, what's really going on. So get out of the ivory tower, or the glass ceiling, whatever the saying is, and see what it's like down on the front lines, what it is, you know, when dealing directly with the the end customer, because the end customers are who ends up providing that business. So, you know, the people, they think this is just, you know, Joe Schmo, Kelly, belly, whatever, off the street, they put them in makeup and stuff like that, so that they really can't be recognized. Because if you've worked for a large corporation, they usually end up seeing videos of your CEO giving you messages of here's what's going on. Here's the latest, here's why this is important. So there's a good chance that employees even if they're, you know, many, many rungs down the ladder are going to recognize the CEO, so they put them in makeup and all these things. And so they just get treated like anybody else. And so, you know, if there's a dumb rule, they're going to be told, follow this dumb rule, you know, or if somebody just treats all their co workers like shit, they're going to treat this coworker like shady, they don't know that it's the CEO. So all of the things that might happen to you and your life can come up for this CEO while they're playing this role of one of the workers in their business. And do they get frustrated? Do they get angry? Not that I've seen every episode, I haven't seen them get like truly frustrated or angry, they usually just kind of have this curiosity and this amusement of like, oh, boy, this is this is what's going on? Hmm. And they're just taking note trying to understand figuring things out. And by the end of the episode, they've got enough information. And this is when they just get creative. They're just like, well, this, this is not tolerable. We can't be having a company that allows people to do this, or where we have policies that make that happen to employees or to customers, or whatever it is. And, you know, we can't have people being treated this way. And they end up instituting some very large changes, usually, as a result of the experience. So they're not frustrated, they're not angry, they're curious, and then they're creative. And they they know that they can create whatever they want, because they're the CEO, right? They're the boss yet. I want to flip this around. We think that well, they're they're able to behave that way because they're the CEO and the boss, yet. I believe they're the CEO and the boss because they behave and they think this way, where they just have this constant curiosity and this creative drive well How can I how can it be better? How can I make it the way I want? This is not tolerable, I won't accept this. How do I get it to what, what, how I want it and never getting into any frustration or anger. And that that is what has allowed them to become the CEO or the boss. And there's lots of people that have that they just probably don't choose to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. I know, I wouldn't want to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company for a multitude of reasons. And probably if you're listening to this, you don't want to either yet what if you were the CEO of your life, so that then when you're like my friend, and you got treated like shit, this manager, but his was a complete dick, and going on a power trip, and just wanted to see, and when my friend, you know, just flip the switch of how he feels about it. He's, he's the boss, effectively, he's the boss of his life, he knows he's going to get his vacation, he knows he's going to get treated well, is it going to be with that company? Maybe not. But you know, eventually, it's all going to be working out in his favor, and whatever's going on in your life, what has happened in your life, you know, whoever that six year old is that you know, not treating you with respect. Once you realize that you are you are an adult, adult human that has autonomy and sovereignty, and that this is your life. That yeah, maybe you picked up that role of victim, maybe you picked up that role of someone who doesn't have control or say, in your relationships or in your work, get, that's just a role that you picked up. And you might not have realized it, but you can put that role down at any time. And then you can pick up the role of CEO of boss of your life. And yeah, you might be the frontline worker, you might be under people yet, if you just switch that that internal view of, oh, I'm doing this to figure out how I want to live my life. I'm being curious, I'm trying to understand. And then I'm going to get creative and figure out how I want to make this the life that I want. It can shift everything, even if the external circumstances haven't actually changed, when you change inside, the outside is going to start to eventually catch up. And it's really just maintaining that internal state long enough for what's on the outside. But you might be like, Okay, well, how do I actually change what's going on on the inside? It's, you know, any good CEOs, they're going to know their talents, right? They're going to know their support team, they're also going to know what areas they need to work on it within themselves, you know, communication, integrity. Well, if you're the kind of boss I want to be, there's it's integrity, there's love, there's kindness, there's fun, there's growth. So it's really knowing that and so, you know, how do you do that? There's lots of ways and I offer, I offer ways through my book, I got exercises, a lot of the book is all about that. And then also this masterclass that I recently did fireproof life shield, that you can get the recording, go to Justin wenck.com/fireproof, the recordings available, there's also a sign up sheet. So if you want to catch the next time I do it live. But you know, there's probably lots of other books, lots of other people, like you don't have to go through me. But the point is, figure out who you are, and own that, and be the undercover boss of your life, and enjoy it and have fun creating it. You don't have to, you don't have to be suffering. And being like, oh, when is when is it gonna get better? Just flip it around and go like, huh, how can I make it better? This is my life. This is my company of life. And I get to do whatever I want. So there's nothing to get frustrated with. Because you you get to run it. And part of the fun is figuring out what's going on. And what do you want to do with it? So how was that landing? What are some areas of your life where you haven't felt like the boss, or maybe you things have been rough or challenging? I'm curious. So, you know, send me a message podcast at Justin wenck.com. Let me know what's going on. And maybe there's something we can do about it. So do remember to rate this show five stars, wherever you're listening to it, please subscribe, because again, I'm going to be doing some phenomenal traveling here coming up over the next month or so. So you're not gonna want to miss some of the podcasts coming out. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be phenomenal. So thank you so much for being a listener. Do appreciate does help and you know, tell a friend about anything that you've liked here. And if there's something you didn't like, again, just just tell me like give me a chance to address it. I'd love to hear what you think could be done better differently, whatever it is. So with that, thank you and good day.