From Diapers to Decisions: The Positive Side of Quitting

Ever thought about the last time you wore diapers?

Yep, you've already quit something in life, and it was a big deal! This episode is all about the power of quitting and how it’s often a necessary step towards personal growth.

Join me as we trade tales of adrenaline-pumping riverboarding in New Zealand and recount how holiday season demands can sometimes push us to reconsider our choices. In the midst of all the laughter and banter, we want you to rethink about the term "quitter".

Buckle up for the second part of our chat where we shift gears to challenge the negative connotations around quitting. Just like how we quit our diapers during potty training, quitting is sometimes the stepping stone to progress and personal development.

I share experiences of stepping away from relationships and behaviors that no longer serve us, and the liberation it brings. It's high time we embrace our inner "quitter" and see it as a tool to improve our lives.

Let’s quit being afraid of quitting, shall we?

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the show, justin Wink, here. So good to be with you on this episode. Very, very serious question I have for you as we get going and I really want you to really ponder this. I really want you to consider this seriously. This is a very serious, very important question that can have huge ramifications for how you might go about living the rest of your life. The question is when was the last time you pooped your pants? Really, I mean, for me it's been at least two, maybe could be even up to three days. It's been at least two or three days, right, I mean, it's Thanksgiving just happened, it's so you know. I mean, usually I can go a whole week, an entire week, but you know, with the Thanksgiving holiday kind of shortened, you know, but you know, but in all seriousness, why would I ask you a question like that? When was the last time you pooped your pants? And it goes to today's topic, which I'm going to be talking today about are you a quitter? A lot of times it comes to mind when I ask if you're a quitter, you're probably like I'm no fucking quitter, don't eat that. I don't quit, I stick through, I keep going until the job is done and be curious how's that been working out for you? So that's what we're going to be talking about today. So a little bit of what's been going on with me.

Speaker 1: 1:46

The last couple of episodes they were recorded in New Zealand, so I was in New Zealand for about two weeks and so this is almost a full week back for me, back in the US, back in my home state of California, and I really did enjoy New Zealand, had the opportunity to go kind of a last minute trip, go to a retreat which was just extraordinary. It's kind of the third third one like this I've done this year. It was actually kind of interesting. I didn't think I would do three retreats like this within a one year time span, but just things just unfolded and it's been great. Just what I learned about myself and the skills I get to improve my life and those of other people, that has been phenomenal.

Speaker 1: 2:35

And I got to do it in wonderful New Zealand, which is just about the opposite of Australia. I love Australia, I love all my Aussie listeners and friends, but, man, it seems like everything out there wants to kill you, even Steve Rowe and the guy that I know. Is it too soon to talk lightly about Steve Rowe, but this is the dude that is like fuck you, crocodile, I'm coming at you, I'm going to get my thumb up, you're bumming, I'm going to rustle you. And even a guy that's brave and able to take on the nature and the wild of Australia even he succumbed to nature. I think it was around Australia. I don't remember the exact circumstances, I just know it was like water related. I was like, oh, not a crocodile, okay so, but yeah so I thought like well, new Zealand's near Australia, so probably everything's going to want to kill him there. But it's complete opposite. It's an incredibly safe place and so many ways like it was great to walk around barefoot and just not have to worry about snakes or any weird things. And yeah, just, and the people were so friendly and just the nature is gorgeous and yeah, just a real good place to. I would say, get in touch with nature and really drop in some place where you don't have to worry about oh, am I going to be getting robbed? Am I going to be getting attacked by a lion? There's just very few predatory things human, animal, otherwise happening in New Zealand, and so it's a great place to go settle in and relax and also a great place for some adventure.

Speaker 1: 4:24

I did a little river boarding, which you're not familiar is. It's like whitewater rafting, but without the raft. So you might be going well, that's insane. But if you've been whitewater rafting, what's the biggest fear? You just like, oh my gosh, I'm going to fall out of the boat, I'm going to fall out of this raft and I'm going to be in the rapids, and so it's a great way to get over that fear, because there is no raft. You're just straight in the water in the rapids. Yet you're trained. It's like many things in life. What we fear is often something that is a great growth opportunity. That when we lean into it and we don't do it in a foolish way, like I wouldn't recommend just going and jumping into a random part of a river with a boogie board, that's silly, but it's one of those things like if someone's like, hey, there's this thing and here's how you do it and there's a spot and I'm going to try it out, so how a lot of things are with life. So yeah, and so it's been good being back, and I feel like this is a good opportunity to talk about quitting things, because this is kind of a time of year when usually you know we're just.

Speaker 1: 5:33

There's a lot of obligations that start to happen this time of year, often to do with family, right. So in the US we have Thanksgiving holiday, where what's the typical Obligation it's you got to get together with all of your family and have a meal where you spend hours together with people usually you would Never spend time with, but you're supposed to be together because that's just what you do on this, this American holiday, and you know the upcoming, you know Christmas and other holidays. There's what do? We got Hanukkah and it's the holiday season right, where usually it's about getting together and often we don't think of like who we're getting together with. We just get together with people we've always gotten together with, we're just anybody, because you're supposed to get together with people and also so it can be a time of overeating and over drinking or, you know, sitting around too much or watching too much stuff, a lot of overindulgence, a lot of getting Too much into certain activities are spending time with certain types of people and to me this is a great time to consider.

Speaker 1: 6:44

I always find interesting comes right before New Year's, where people do the New Year's resolutions, where it's always like well, what are the behaviors I want to be doing? And what I found more often than not in a lot of life is, whenever there's something that we want to be bringing in, there's usually something that, if we look closely, if we consider it, there's something that needs to be going out right. So it's like, if you know, so it's if there's like a relationship that you want to have, like you want to have the love of your life amazing and you're currently with someone who's a pain in your ass, that pain in the ass relationship has to go away. And it doesn't necessarily mean that has to be a different person. It just means that relationship when you relate with someone as them being a pain in the ass, that needs to go. In a relationship where you relate with somebody as the love of your life needs to come in, and they can't both.

Speaker 1: 7:37

It's kind of like there's kind of an old law of physics where to two objects of matter can occupy the same space at the same time. You know, which is why car crashes are not a good thing. Usually somebody gets hurt, somebody's in pain, because you can't have two cars in the same space, so they either have to go around each other. One has to give way, something like that there's. There's a lot of things in life where if it's like that in one place, it's like that another, and so they're really there's no two. You can't have two ways of being that are in opposition in your life at the same time, so you can't simultaneously have an incredible, an incredible healthy body. That would be the result of being someone who eats great eats, foods that are work for you and those activities that are good for your body and simultaneously Be the person who's doing sort of destructive habits drinking too much, eating shitty foods and sitting around or even being active but in activities are actually destructive To your body.

Speaker 1: 8:45

You know, I'm thinking, I'm looking at you, ultra marathoners, some of some of you. This is fantastic for you, but then others of you this is there's a price to be paid for all of this, this over training, and only you and your body. Now it's between you and your body, but it just a little heads up and just inviting you to consider that. Is this actually like? You might be thin, you might Whatever, but how are you feeling? Like, you know, are you having to get all hopped up on supplements and things like that.

Speaker 1: 9:14

So today's topic is about quitting, and so why do I ask if you pooped your pants because we often think that quitting is a bad thing were conditioned that, like you know what is what is the old, you know, even, even like in sex talk, it's like you know, are you a spitter or a swallow spitters or quitters? And so it's a presuppose that quitting is bad, and so spinning is. You know? It's like what? If you want to want someone to swallow, just let them swap, not, not, and again, this is an adult, this is an adult Podcast. So if you don't know what I'm referring to, then maybe you shouldn't be listening to this podcast or go ask an adult. But actually probably most kids know that better than most adults and if you're an adult, you're pretending like you don't know that. Lighten up, let's have some fun, have a good. You know, like, yeah, you know certain things you want to swallow, cuz you're good for you know things. You want to spit it out. It's good to quit it. Like you know, if chewing tobacco maybe some get over that habits time to be a spitter, time to be a quitter. And so Look at that like, do you actually believe that quitting in and of itself is a bad thing, and if so, then you might have a hard time quitting things. Yet, inherently, all of us are great quitters and what's one of the first things that all of us eventually quit? I hope, I hope, and if not, that's okay. No shame, you know, I don't. Just, maybe this isn't the show for you, it's not gonna really resonate very much, and that's okay, but for the For the rest of you, at one point we all pooped her pants, right, like we were babies or Eight year olds or we were joining a fraternity or whatever it was.

Speaker 1: 11:00

We all, we all pooped her pants at one point and then, at some point, we decided to quit that shit. Right, we decided to quit that shit of going in the pants and it made life a lot easier. Right, it was that time. There was a time in place for pooping your pants, and then the time ended and you had you might not even remember it, because you had people helping you out. Right, you probably had some parents or some caretakers that are just like, alright, we need to use this time. You have the ability. Like that one point. You, you can do it. It was not possible.

Speaker 1: 11:36

You were not in a place where you could not poop your pants as a baby, like you just didn't have the coordination, the motor skills, you, you and if you really wanted, if you're just like this is a bearish. This is embarrassing. I like I, but I'm stinking up the crib and I didn't just like the the other, the other babies here know that I'm the one that's causing the stench is I don't want to be pooping my pants as part, as you might have wanted to. You didn't have the ability to have the motor skills. You couldn't physically stand up as a baby and get to a toilet to go, so you had no choice. There is that you. You even couldn't even get your pants down. You couldn't have the dexterity of your fingers and your hands to get your, get your diaper down enough to at least possibly poop outside of your pants. That was if you had pants on. That's where the poop was going in. Sphincter control like that was a new cause Is yeah, yeah, it was like a whole new thing. You know, sure, figure out hands and then sphincter muscles on, like it's just a lot going on, right, baby? You know it's.

Speaker 1: 12:43

Think back to those times and how challenging just even the most basic things are, and so we don't get frustrated, you know, at a baby or a toddler when they poop their pants. We just got out there, just they're having a hard time, but at some point you quit it. You're just like. You know, I got I'm. I'm old enough, I can, I can walk, I can pull down my pants, I can wipe my own ass. Yeah, it's time to some big boy things and not not poop the pants anymore. Some big boy, big girl actions, activities being big in the world. And so you are a talented quitter because you quit pooping your pants when you realized it was the right thing to do and you don't. You didn't beat yourself up for all of your years Of pant poopery, did you know? Because I was just. I was just where you are at.

Speaker 1: 13:36

So what if we take this same view with pants pooping and apply to maybe anything else that might be ready to go In your life, where just you don't have to get upset and remember when you did start to get good at being potty trained? That was it like. All of a sudden, from one day, boom, you are perfect and you never had a mishap or a mistake ever again. Now Sometimes you go back, but then you just recognize it's a learning experience, and then you go longer or better or whatever, or maybe, if you do so, quote, unquote, fail or roll back, you don't do so for as long, or no. Or in this messy away, right, I guess, like oh crap, I'm about to poop my pants and you go and you like find a bush and you pull that, and so it's like you, you, you crap in a shrub or something like that.

Speaker 1: 14:29

Or you know the upper deck of a toilet, doing a little upper deck, right, have had explained a friend of mine maybe he's listening a I won't say his name, but he I was like, have you ever done an upper deck? Or new? Like what is? What is that? Well, the toilet, the ball. If you think of that as the lower deck, most people go in the lower deck, but you know there's the tank up top usually, and so if you do an upper deck or season that the tank to Drop your number two and this is this is probably the shittiest episode I've ever done. So we're gonna see how well this does. But yeah, that's again.

Speaker 1: 15:07

You know for those of you that maybe wherever in a fraternity or watched movies about fraternities or just like I don't know, toilet humor, upper deckers you poop in the tank and then the tank drains into the bowl, and so Surprises can occur. I I'm not saying to do this, I don't even know if anyone's ever done this. I think there's a whole category of terms that exist for things that I like to believe nobody actually does, and upper decker is one of these terms where I like to believe no one's actually pooped in the tank of a toilet. Yet it does seem feasible, and so why not have a term so that if it did ever happen which I'm hoping again that it didn't, ever has and never will? But we now have a term, now you know the term. So if you go somewhere, you flush that toilet and it's like wait, there's more coming into the tank than leaving. There's more coming into the bowl than leaving the bowl. Somebody did an upper decker, and this episode will have helped you make more sense of the world. You're welcome.

Speaker 1: 16:14

So, when it comes to quitting things, having that view of seeing yourself as an evolving, growing being continuously, not just like that, oh, that was just something you did back when you were you know one, two, three. I don't know when kids get potty trained, but that you're doing this continuously throughout your lifetime, ideally with different, different behaviors in different ways of being, and so embrace your ability as a quitter. Like you know, I used to be a pants shitter. Now I'm a quitter, and be fucking proud of it. Be a proud Quitter that's no longer pants shitter. There that's. I think that's a bumper sticker for the ages.

Speaker 1: 16:54

So so what's something you might want to quit? Right, like maybe there's a food that, just like man, I just can't, I just can't help eating this food. Embrace being a quitter one. Have compassion for yourself, as that eating this food has served a purpose. Like it's soothed you. Like you know, there might have been some emotional trauma.

Speaker 1: 17:15

Was that she been getting over? Or just you just have this need to feel good right now and you haven't figured out other ways that make you feel good and so you haven't found a substitute. And so when you go like I want to get rid of these things and then okay, what am I gonna replace it with? Right, because he's just, you can't just say like well, just, you know, I got the beginning I was talking about. Sometimes things have to go for something to come in, but sometimes we need to know where we're heading so that we can start replacing that, because, remember, if there's a vacuum, something's gonna fill that, and if we don't consciously Put in what it is we want to fill that with, then it's gonna be filled with the old behavior, right? So very important to know like, okay, instead of this, this behavior. So instead of like pooping my pants, I'm going to go poop in the toilet, right? So that is very that's. It's very clear of like, okay, this is where I've been. And then here's who I'm becoming. I'm becoming a toilet Clogger Clogger of Toads.

Speaker 1: 18:14

So this is your in my book. I'm going down success to fulfillment. You will it's a little nod to you there, the super fans of read the book. If you haven't, it's now available on Spotify, at least in the US, to premium subscribers. You can listen to the audio book for free, but you can also get the audio book and all the just you know, search for my name, engineer to love. You find where you can get the book in the audio book, how they recommend it.

Speaker 1: 18:41

So you want to know, like, where you're headed to, right? So it's like oh, I want to be like foods, that really satisfying like. For me, it's like high quality grass fed Beef is like something really good for me, and I also have a sweet tooth and so when I'm trying to like get out of eating too many sweets, one thing I've been going to is mixing Some protein powder, some like chocolate flavored protein powder, with some cat, either cashew yogurt or Coconut yogurt, which is surprisingly good, and it kind of like set. It's like ice cream. It's really so. It's that.

Speaker 1: 19:16

So it's like okay, I'm avoiding sweets and I'm heading towards this coconut yogurt protein powder mix, and so we got to start thinking that was for you. It's like, oh my gosh, like need to. You know, don't want to have pizza so much, right, or don't want to eat so much. So what? What can I do? It's like, oh well, maybe I can do some little mindfulness exercises as I eat. I can really just dial in like what is this bite of food Tasting like, feeling, like what emotions are coming up? What am I noticing my body? Could you imagine if you started doing that with every bite you did, you would likely not eat as much, right, like when. It's gonna take a lot of fucking time. And then the second, you're gonna notice when you're full and you're also gonna be aware when it's like, oh, I just want more of this yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, to feel good and distract, cuz there's another part of me that's like I feel a little sad or something that I'm missing or something I want to do differently in my life. So, yeah, starting thinking like where you're going right and it comes to relationships and so tying it all back to this holiday time, which this is becoming out here early December so welcome is.

Speaker 1: 20:32

It might be time to quit some relationships or some events and not being with the same people you've been with for all of these years and these people are not gonna like it, cuz what do you mean? You don't want to be with me, but if these people are your ship relationships this is a quote effectively, every time you go and spend time with them, you're, you're shitting your pants relationship wise, and you're probably not feeling good about yourself. You're probably feeling not supported. You probably feel like you gotta hide parts of yourself. Maybe you're feeling, like you argument of angry, frustrated.

Speaker 1: 21:11

There's gonna be all these things that could be coming up just because, like you've outgrown these people, be honest, like you grow and not everybody grows in the same way and it might be time to take some time away. It doesn't mean that maybe you're never gonna see these people ever again or you're never gonna spend time, or maybe it's just about less time. Right, it's just about less time. Less time in a harmful arena is big right. So it's sort of like you know the sun, you know it's like you, a little bit of time the sun gives you good tan, but too much time the sun, you're gonna get burned. So there might just be like finding that right sweet spot. Like you know, with certain groups of people you might be the equivalent of a ginger and just a little bit of time is gonna cause a severe burn. Yeah, so you can take some time away and figure out, like what is your sunscreen, what is what is, what are the tools, the techniques, and these are like the things like to teach with with people when I coach them and try to sprinkle them in with my programs, and yeah, and so you might be like well, I can't just quit. Yes, you can, you can, you can quit that and do something else. And this is things that I've been playing around like.

Speaker 1: 22:22

I haven't done a Thanksgiving meal for like over over 10 years and actually, this is the first year that I did a Thanksgiving meal, but I did it completely differently. I did it in my way, where I prepared the meal and I made it open to a group of people that Might not have had anyone else to share it with, and it was beautiful and great. I wasn't like, oh, I'm gonna go find a group of people that I'm supposed to spend it with. I, I have those people, I love those people, they're great, and when it's time to spend time with them, I spend time with them. Yeah, I just wanted. I wanted to offer something to people that maybe you don't have that opportunity and it felt really good and create some zoom spaces. So if you're on my email list, which you can get on justinwinkcom, thank you. See, you would have seen that on Thanksgiving Day, I hosted a zoom room where a little self self-giving, where you could give some time to yourself, or I facilitated some, some breathing practices and some Little sharing of what's going on with the holiday is really great and the people that arrived got so much out of it. I'm so grateful for them showing up.

Speaker 1: 23:28

So if I would have just been doing the thing that I'm supposed to do, it might have been frustrating, challenging for me, and I might have been causing frustration because that's. The other thing to consider is when you're around somebody and you're feeling like, oh, this is like not feeling good. This is frustrating. How do you think the other person's feeling? They're picking up on that shit. So everything, maybe you're doing a favor.

Speaker 1: 23:49

It's kind of like you know one point, shitting the pants. It's like, oh, cool, this is, you know, the new baby, like doing new baby things. But at some point it's like this kid's like 10 years old. This is shit's got to stop. Like when are they gonna figure this out? Like there might be that too. Or they're like when is this person gonna find other people like spend Thanksgiving with, so spend Christmas with, like real, like they? They can't say that they don't have the skills, but they might be fine. And so when at some point you're just like, yeah, you know, I've got something else to do, they're going, oh, you know, but they might really be feeling like a sense of relief.

Speaker 1: 24:24

And then when you come back at a different point and you can re-engage in a Different way and it's gonna be like, oh, this is my, this is great, this. This person is here and and phenomenal, and I get to be the me that I want to be, whereas if we just keep doing what we've been doing, we keep doing the things in the way that we've been and we really don't allow ourselves to grow, and it's the equivalent of staying stuck At an earlier developmental stage. And so when we allow ourselves to quit things that you know served us when we were at an earlier stage, it allows us to move on to that next stage and that's a little bit of a challenge, a little bit of a transition. Yet the how great was the freedom? Right, and to be able to be like ah yeah, I can go about, I don't have to worry about like Can you somewhat of change my diaper and stuff, like how's think of that?

Speaker 1: 25:08

And that's what it's like when you like say, I no longer need to just keep spending time with the same people, I no longer have to keep engaging in the same eating behaviors or drinking behaviors, I no longer have to keep doing the same type of work as a career. This goes really to just about anything you can in life. So I really encourage you be a quitter, be a quitter. You've been a quitter already at least once, likely multiple times in your life, and see that as a good thing, a good skill, a good ability. Now, yes, there are going to be some areas of your life where you don't want to quit. You want to keep going. It's about having the discernment to know the difference and Realize that you have these skills and there's a time and the place to use them all.

Speaker 1: 25:52

And I want to embrace you to look at, especially this time of year, maybe, what's what's time to quit, what's time to quit and Start it now and don't wait until New years, because when New Year's comes along, usually what's already gone, and there's probably a reason why New Year's is when people want to do new things is because they they don't actually have an opportunity to Really do the challenging things at the challenging times of years. It's kind of an easy year to go Let me try some bullshit I don't know that to sweet much out, like everyone just gets busy to doing stuff anyway. But this is the time of year where you can really lean in and have like some difficult, challenging considerations of like ooh yeah, I'm gonna do something different for Christmas, I'm gonna do something that I want. Right, when was the last time you did something you want, like, really want, and A lot of times we're taught that that's selfish. Yet what do you really want for other people to join? She want other people doing what they want, doing what lights them up, what makes them happy, and so if you want that for others, you got also want that for yourself and you have to demonstrate that for them. And so that's why, when it's like I get an opportunity to do a retreat that I want to do in New Zealand, I make it happen, because I want to show you and everyone else that you can make what happens in your life that lights you up and do it and makes you excited and makes you feel alive, and you can be an inspiration too.

Speaker 1: 27:22

And not that I'm all that great or all that wonderful. Just I am, and I'm not. I'm Completely ordinary, but also completely unique and spectacular, and so are you, and it's beautiful. We're got all these similarities, but yet we're all also a little unique snowflakes, beautiful, beautiful snowflakes. So be your snowflake self.

Speaker 1: 27:41

Let me know, how is this hitting? How is it hitting me talking about quitting and you no longer being a pants shitting person by being someone who pulls up them big boy and girl pants and Goes out in that world and you're independent. You can do what you want when you want, how you want it, with love, with consideration. You're not trying to hurt anybody, of course. Yeah, so how's this landing? What's something that you are like? You know what? I think it's time to quit this. What's something you want to quit? I want to know. Let me know a podcast at justinwinkcom or follow me on the social Meteors. As it is, as it is. So tick tock. Instagram, linkedin, facebook. They say tick tock. Yeah, find me at youtube, right. So at justinwink phd, find me there. And yeah, I hope you've all been doing well, start or end in this year strong, and it's strong. You deserve it. So that, thank you and good day.