Mastering Authentic Networking for Introverts: Strategies for Professional and Personal Enrichment

Ever felt like networking is just not your cup of tea, especially if you're on the introverted side?

In this episode, we'll guide you through the labyrinth of networking with a spirit of playfulness and authenticity. No more dreading those social gatherings; instead, discover how to turn them into enjoyable experiences that align with your passions and professional goals. We’ll take you from feeling like an outsider to becoming a networking maven who can find their unique value proposition and make meaningful connections that resonate on a personal and professional level.

Struggling with the first word at a networking event can be daunting, but fear not! We’ve got you covered with simple scripts and strategies, turning what could be an anxiety-ridden experience into a game of strategic social interaction. You’ll walk away from this episode with the tools to confidently initiate conversations, find your tribe in various networking landscapes, and present your authentic self in a way that suits the audience. And for those moments when you need to make a smooth exit, we introduce the "handoff" technique among other graceful ways to move on, ensuring you leave a lasting, positive impression.

But our conversation doesn’t stop at face-to-face interactions. We'll explore how to extend your network digitally by leveraging platforms like LinkedIn and Instagram, where offering genuine interest can open doors to unexpected opportunities.

Remember, networking isn’t just about professional advancement; it's also about enriching your personal life, be it finding that ideal job or the perfect lobster spot.

Tune in to this episode of Engineering Emotions and Energy, and let's keep the conversation going—reach out on social media for a chat about this episode or to share your own networking stories and tips. Your insights are the key to our growing community’s success.

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:39

Thank you, relationships and connections that delight you. Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing? If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best-selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades. I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. From operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love.

Speaker 2: 1:10

It's time for Engineering, emotions and Energy with me, justin Wink, phd. Today I'm going to be talking about building up your personal or professional network. So whether you maybe have recently moved or maybe you just changed positions or focuses in your life or some other circumstances have changed, like maybe you got rid of a group of friends or you recently got out of a relationship point is you're at a point where you want some more people in your life one way or another and you're like how do I meet these people? How do I get the connections for either, whether it's for business, whether it's for personal fun or both, because a lot of the life it doesn't have to be one thing or the other. Yet I'm going to say it does help if you have an idea of what's most important to you. So I got a lot of tips. So get ready because I have now a good amount of experience, and especially if you're like more introverted and networking, talking to new people, strangers is not your thing. It didn't used to be my thing either. So this is going to be great and if you are like a pro, you probably are going to hear some things, and if I miss some things, let me know. Come to my social media and, you know, type me a little comment whatever and let me know at JustinWinkPhD on all the major platforms. So why I'm going over this is because I've recently really gotten back into networking probably the most I've ever in my entire life, because I'm focusing, I'm pivoting my coaching to go beyond just coaching, but now I'm consulting and advising the founders and people, other people associated with tech startups, because I really want to ensure that you know the next companies that are going to be influencing our lives that they're doing it in a way that makes all of our lives better, like technology is great when it serves us.

Speaker 2: 2:57

When we end up serving technology, that's when it is total, total nonsense and that is not what we should be doing and not what I want. Not what I want for you, not what I want for probably anybody on this planet. If somebody wants something that they want to serve, if they want to be, you know, checking their, their notifications and all that, I'm not going to take it away, but I'm wanting technology that does what we need and gets the hell out of the way so we can be living our lives and enjoying things like networking. And this is going to bring me to the first point. I think the most important thing and if you look at it through this lens, it's going to make your life so much easier and that is look at networking like it's a game. The more you can look at it as like a game that you get to play, like you're doing live action, role play, and it's not like a chore or something you have to do and bad things are going to happen, but it's more of just like oh, I get to have this experience. It's going to make it a lot more enjoyable.

Speaker 2: 3:53

So a recent event that I went to it was called Tech Weekend in San Francisco and it's mostly for founders and for people looking to invest. And I was like let's see, is my company quite like the appropriate company for this or not? And I was just like you know what? I'm just gonna go? And I'm gonna like play around and kind of go like here's what I think I'm all about. And what was interesting is that this was a three-day event. By the third day, after talking to a lot of people and sort of kind of getting some feedback, I was like oh, I know what my special power is. I know who my character is. My character is I am the expert, I am the advisor, I am the consultant when it comes to scaling a business to the serving millions of people and bringing in billions of dollars. That's what I have experience in all the companies I've worked for, and so this is the value I can bring to people that are, you know, early or just in the middle portion of, like you know, building their startup company.

Speaker 2: 4:52

And the thing is is that a startup company is going to be also like anybody's life as well. We're always looking to scale up, you know, so that we're having bigger impact, so that we're having the experiences we want to have, we're meeting the people we want to be meeting and we're just having the fun and the joy and the love in our life that we want to be having. And, to me, there really shouldn't be a big difference between how someone's scaling their business and how they're scaling their life, because, ideally, you're going along with what you know speaks to your soul, you're scaling with, you know what your soul, your life purpose, really is. And so when I was like, oh, this is my character, immediately I was able to get some feedback from people of like, oh, this is interesting, I'm excited, like I want to know more, and so you might already be kind of going like, okay, great, justin, it's a game, all right, but I still don't even know where to start.

Speaker 2: 5:39

So first thing is that, if we are going to assume that it's a game, what are some important things about games? Right? One is games have rules, and the other thing is it takes time to get to know the rules of the game. So, just like any environment, there's going to be different rules. So if you're going to a professional networking thing, chances are there's you know, a little bit of etiquette. There's some rules and it might take some time to get to know them. And then, once you know them, it's going to take a while to get good at it. It's like any think of any game that you've ever played, whether it was a video game like Mario Brothers, or maybe it was like Magic the Gathering, or even if it's just. You know, one of my old school favorite games is playing Solitaire. It takes some time to get good at it. So allow yourself time to get good at playing this game of going out and meeting people.

Speaker 2: 6:30

So, like I would say, you want to play at least six rounds before you say like this is for me and not for me, and also you want to play different types of games. So what I mean by that is you're going to want to try different groups. Like this tech weekend event. I went and I found it really easy, like I like what most people were into, how they interacted. I'm like these are my people.

Speaker 2: 6:53

About a week and a half later, I went with a real estate friend of mine to another networking event so something a little bit more associated with with his type of thing, and I had some interest in it and I had some questions I wanted to know and I was open to meeting people at this as well. Yet I just found like the group, this group and sort of the things they ended up talking about, I just found it was just not as enjoyable. So if I had gone to that event first and thought like oh boy, I don't like networking, I don't like going to these events and meeting people and stopped there, I would have missed out. Well, you know, I got lucky and the first one I went to in a long time was like super enjoyable, super fun, and actually it wasn't the first one, it was just the first one that long. I'd actually gone to another event just a few days before with some friends who were great at networking.

Speaker 2: 7:43

So what I'd say is first go and try like add three minimum six different types of events that are maybe different focus area, different types of venues, different types of people, so you can kind of see what you like the most or what annoys you the least. So you give yourself some time to know the rules and to not just know the rules but to get good at working within the rules so you can get what you want. Another thing that I want to talk about is you can be different people at these different things and you might be like Justin. That sounds a little like disingenuous, kind of like you're lying and no, no, no, I'm not saying don't be you, I'm just saying again, this is kind of like figuring out your character. You'd be.

Speaker 2: 8:23

Different parts of you can be brought to the forefront, because you're a very complicated person who has a number of things that you like, a number of things that you've done in your past, and usually when you're meeting somebody, you don't have time to give your entire resume or your entire list of things that you like or would like to do. You're going to have to pick, like, what is the thing you want to bubble up to the top and this is what you can play with and sort of like who's your character. So you know, it might be like you know, for me, if it's like, oh, this is very tech heavy type of thing, I'm going to, you know, maybe highlight my background of having a doctorate in electrical engineering and that I've worked, you know, for a fortune 100 company before. That, has you know? Has you know 100 plus billion market cap, things like that. But if I go to another event that maybe is a little bit more health and wellness focus, a little more personal development, I might highlight that I've been yoga teacher, trainer and I've got, you know, all this experience and personal development and been doing my own coaching for many years. You know, it's like they're all. It's just which. What version of me am I highlighting for the audience, for the event, and making those little adjustments just to kind of find out, like what feels good to me and what feels good in this group, right? So, just like you know, depending on what game you're playing you know, if we're talking some sort of like fantasy role play, there could be various games and maybe they all have a barbarian type character, but in one game it's good to be the barbarian, but another game it's like, no, it's best to pick the wizard or the magician, whatever.

Speaker 2: 9:54

It is Similar to this, when you're going out to these events. So one thing that I will share is you might already be kind of going like Justin, this is like way too, how do I even talk to somebody? I don't even know how to talk to somebody at one of these things, and the thing is we get up into our heads about how do I say? What do I? How do I come up to someone? What if I interrupt? And a lot of this is anxiety, this is fear, and it really is a lot simpler. It's so simple In fact we make it more challenged than it has to be.

Speaker 2: 10:26

This is where sometimes it is helpful to have a script to get you going, and the script is going to be so easy, but you might want to write it down on a card in case you forget. But it's very simple. You go up to somebody Hi, my name is, what is your name? Then often there's a shake of hands and they say their name and then this is the followup. The followup that I really like is what brings these are two options you can pick is what brings you to this event? How did you find out about this event? Or what are you looking to get out of this event, or some variation of that. I find, like, those three questions are gonna get the ball rolling really good because they allow you to kind of understand, like, what is somebody's motivation and what are they all about. This is, as opposed to what I found.

Speaker 2: 11:11

Many people ask me at these things Because, again, other people they're there to network and find you as well as they would come up to me and go hi, I'm so-and I'm, I'm, I'm Justin and they just go what do you do? Fuck, I, I breathe, I pump blood through my heart, I sleep at night, that's that's. I don't like that. I find that's a little harsh. But be prepared, some people might come up and ask you what do you do? And this is again when it's a game. It's like Ooh, okay, this is a chance for me to share what it is I do, and so you can be like well, what is my response going to be? And so this is where you know you've picked out your character and this is where you're going to share what your character does, right? Because you know it's like you're the barbarian in the game. It's like I weld my mighty axe and I defeat all of the foes that come in my way.

Speaker 2: 12:05

Or, you know, if you're here to look for a job, it's like well, here I have experience in this field and I'm currently looking to, you know, find opportunities for employment. And this brings me to one of the other important things about going to these events is this is not the time to be shy about what you want or what you need. This is a time to be very clear about what could help you out. So if you're like you know you're looking for a job, say I'm looking for a job. If you're looking for opportunities to invest, say that. If you're new to the area and you're like I'm just looking for people to hang out with and go to dinner with, say that Like, then people can go oh, I can offer, I can help that out. Or I know somebody who might be interested in whatever that is. So don't be shy about saying what you want and lots of times, other people, they're not going to be shy either. They're going to let you know what they're looking for and you can provide the value as well. Go like, hmm, what can I offer? And you might be like I'm new to the area physically, or I'm new to this specialty or I have. You can always offer your appreciation and go like, oh, that's just, that's great. I thank you for sharing that with me. Good luck. If I find something, I'll let you know. It's very, very simple.

Speaker 2: 13:19

And the other thing is that one thing leads to another at these types of things. So people that go to these events are people that go to events. So if you're like you know you're liking the, enjoying the event, you can, when you're having a good conversation with somebody, you can go hey, do you go to other events like these? Do you know of other things like this? And they usually go. Yes. So the one event that I went to already. Because of going to that one, I already have two other events now that I didn't know about that I'm going to and I am very likely actually know three events. I have three events and what's great is now when I go there, I'll have some people that I likely might already know there. So it's like, oh, I get to reconnect now with some friends that I made at the first event.

Speaker 2: 14:02

So don't be shy about asking for what you want, like, maybe it's just like, oh, I want other places, other types of things, and what is it you like about them? Now, another thing that can be really, really great is if you're having a hard time figuring out what the rules of the event are, right is. You can just ask someone who seems to be doing really well at this game of the networking event. Like you know, if you see somebody that they're just kind of like gliding in and out and meeting all these people and having all of these connections, when you find yourself with that person, just let them know like, wow, you're really good at this. You know, can you give me some tips? Like, what, what, what can I do or how can I do this Right, and they'll tell you. And they might even like help make some introductions and go like oh, here, let me go introduce you. This brings to me what is I'm going to.

Speaker 2: 14:48

This is like a very, very advanced technique that I saw some of my friends do, who are, you know, they're more in the sales type position, so they are incredible. The thing is it's not that hard. People that are kind of in sales and other types of roles. They just have a lot more practice. And the thing is you don't actually have to be that smooth for this to work out well, because eventually you do get to just knowing each other and sometimes just being a little bit uncomfortable for a little bit longer than you want.

Speaker 2: 15:15

Tip another very basic thing about starting a discussion and interaction with somebody is sometimes there's just going to be somebody standing and they're just on their own. Super easy, very easy. You just walk up Hi, I'm so-and-so, who are you? What brings you here? And then a conversation has begun. Sometimes there's not going to be anybody by themselves and there might be two people or a group of people talking to each other.

Speaker 2: 15:45

This is where it helps to be have some awareness. So one is if it's two people, you want to notice the body language of the two people talking. If they are like their shoulders are facing each other and they are intensely looking into each other eyes and they are deep in conversation, it's likely it's not going to go well or easy if you try to just like scoop in there and try to interrupt them because they are into something. So you can either likely, you know, go find somebody else to try to talk to or wait until maybe it seems like their body language opens a little bit. And even if their body language is kind of open, like literally like there, there's kind of like an easy way for you to come up and like they're kind of like welcoming you, like they're like oh, there's room for a third person or more people in this. Then you can go and just kind of stand there until often.

Speaker 2: 16:36

If they're you know really good and really well aware, they might go like oh hey, this is what that's always great to be invited in, otherwise that might not happen. You wait and you kind of go like hey, I hope I'm not interrupting anything, I just really wanted to say hi and find out what brings you guys here. If that's okay, if you guys are into something, I can go away and maybe come back at another time. So showing that you are aware and that you're here to add you're not here to distract or interrupt or take away from anything, just go. It goes a long way to going like oh, this is somebody who's paying attention and wants to add to this Now. So the advanced thing is you might be in a conversation and you want to leave.

Speaker 2: 17:20

An advanced way to get out of this is I believe it is sometimes referred to as the handoff. So this would be somebody who's got you deep in conversation. You've had enough. And then you see somebody that you know walk by, you go oh hey, ted, have you met? And then you introduce them to the person that you've been deep in conversation with, that you want to get out of, and if you can kind of like give each one a nice introduction, like, oh, ted is a great person at this, meet Bill, who I just met, who's really into whatever it is, they then shake their hands and start introducing and in that time you can just walk away and now you've left each of them with a new person they can get to know and they can be adults and figure it out while you are on to the next thing.

Speaker 2: 18:10

Now, that might not always work out, that might not always happen. So what can you do to get out of a conversation that you've had enough with and this is again, like you'll notice this with people that are really good in this environment, that it really it doesn't have to be as smooth, as sometimes we make it out to be. Ideally, you can go like, oh, please, excuse me and walk away, or you can just sometimes say thank you and walk away. It doesn't have to be more advanced than that. You don't have to give a reason. If you do have, you know, like a polite reason, like oh, I got to go to the restroom or I got to get a, go get a drink of water, keep in keep in mind, if you give that they there's a, there's a chance that they might go. Oh, yeah, me too, I'm going to come with.

Speaker 2: 18:54

So if you know you really are just like you're done, you want to just kind of go like, hey, it's been great chatting, excuse me and then walk and then walk away. It doesn't have to be that, that challenging, um, and you'll see people do this to you and because, again, if you're somewhere, especially if it's professional networking, these are likely people that have business and other things going on, and so they're just going to have other things that they need to take care of, and you can be like that too, and that person you need to take care of can be yourself. So this is the other big thing that I want to remind you is, especially if you're more introverted and you kind of get, you know, tired and it takes energy for you to be around people and talking and conversing is, don't be afraid to like take some time out to just go sit, be alone. However much time you need to go take a walk around, you know, outside or just somewhere away from the people to recharge your batteries, to kind of consider what you've learned, what you've thought about, because it's a bit of a marathon, depending on the event, right, and you remember you're there to have fun. So if you're not having fun, you take the break until you're rested, you're restored and then you go and you play a little bit more, right, so you're really just, you know, like a kid. It's like you play until you get tired, then you take a little break and then you play again. It's not that hard. Let's see One other thing that I really think is kind of important that I would like to share when it comes to networking and again this can be professional, but this could be just for making friends.

Speaker 2: 20:19

This could be for finding dates. There's somebody that you're interested in, for whatever reason, and you would like to connect. You want to have this prepared, you want to know how you're going to do it. And the thing is, remember, you're giving a gift, you're letting this person know that you are interested in them, you're awesome and you think they are awesome enough to have some more interaction with in one way or the other, and so this is a great gift that you're about to give. If it's a networking event, the other that, and so this is a great gift that you're about to give If it's a networking event.

Speaker 2: 20:52

Professionally, linkedin is fantastic. You want to have like the app and they're kind of in the search. There ends up being a thing where you can have the, the QR code and so, like you, you, you either can scan somebody's or they can scan yours, but you can just go like it's been really great getting to connect. I'm very, you know, love to connect. Can we connect on LinkedIn? Like, it's been really great getting to connect. I'm very, you know, love to connect. Can we connect on LinkedIn Like?

Speaker 2: 21:08

And then you just pull out your phone, open the app and prepare to. You know, enter in the name or scan the code or whatever that is, and usually just people go, yeah, okay, this is, this is great, and they just kind of go with it. They can always say no, and so, if you're not at like a professional networking thing, you can do something similar with Instagram. Like you can be like, oh, hey, maybe let's connect on Instagram and then just, you know, have your phone out and, like you know, I can put you in or, you know, with their phone number, like you know, hey, like I can give you my. You know, if you give me your phone number, then I can, I can contact you and we can follow up later and it can be really nice to go like, and you know, hey, you totally don't have to, it's totally all right. You know, no pressure.

Speaker 2: 21:45

So, because it's good to just you know that, hey, this could feel like being pressured and you want a person to feel relaxed and at ease, because that's how you want to feel, right. So do the best to allow other people to feel how you would like to feel. Again, it's not your responsibility. Somebody else might feel frustrated or disappointed or hurt or all these other things. That's them. All you can do is be aware and do your best. Yet they're gonna feel however they are going to feel, and so don't be shy about that, making that attempt to connect, to go like, hey, let's be in contact and see if we can share something, or I can find out about that other event later. That's why everyone's at something like this. So, again, if you know what the rules are, this is likely going to make it really really easy.

Speaker 2: 22:33

Maybe you've been trying this in other forums, other areas and it can be really challenging if you're just out at a random place because people are there for different reasons and so they're not all playing the same game necessarily Doesn't mean that this type of stuff doesn't work, because it just. It just means you have to be clear about what game you're playing and then help the other people play the game that you're playing, which is like, hey, I'm here to meet somebody new and connect Right. Whereas if you're at some place where it's very focused of like this is professional networking, people that are interested in this type of business are here to talk about and connect and get leads and connections and things like that, then everyone's playing the same game and it's just makes it way, way easier and way more fun with that. I believe that is most of the things that is going to make your life so much easier when it comes to growing your network, either personally or professionally. So let me kind of like recap, you know is one, view it as a game. The more you can view it as a game, the less work it's going to be, and you know there's going to be plenty of work, so you might as well have fun with this.

Speaker 2: 23:39

The second thing is have fun figuring out what your character is going to be. The other thing is you want to give yourself time to know what the rules of networking is and give yourself time to get good at it and try different events. I would say, commit to at least six different ones. So, however long that takes, you know, depending on your area and how often you can get to various events, so you can find the place, the game that is the most fun for you. Or if it's not, none of them are fun. Whatever is the least miserable. There's different ways to look at this and remember that you know one thing leads to another. So if you find somebody that goes to these events, ask them what other events do they go to, and so this is a way you can find other events, and then you might have somebody that you're going to know there anyway, and do not be afraid to ask for help. Ask somebody like hey, what's some tips for this environment?

Speaker 2: 24:33

The other thing is be very clear about what it is that you're looking for. What it is you want, like are you just looking for recommendations in the area? Are you looking for a job? Are you looking for business opportunities? Are you looking for clients? Whatever it is, if you say it, then people can bring it to you and then you can also share what you can to people that are letting you know what they're in need of. You're valuable as well, and, at the very least, you can always just offer your support and go like oh, thank you so much for sharing.

Speaker 2: 25:00

I'd like that idea. I hope it works out. If something comes to mind, you know, I'd love to share it with you. Hey, how about we connect on LinkedIn, like here's yeah, can I scan your code or can you give me your name? Already, you can see how things can just start flowing really, really easily.

Speaker 2: 25:15

And then don't be afraid to walk away from a conversation. Just simply go. Hey, appreciate it, excuse me, walk away. It doesn't have to be that complicated and you can walk away for any reason, because you don't owe anybody anything. You're taking care of yourself. They can take care of themselves and monitor your emotions and your energy.

Speaker 2: 25:38

And if you need to take a few minutes away from the hustle and bustle so you can kind of recharge, do it. Take care of you because you're. You're here for you. You're here to enjoy this game and there's nothing to win, which means there's nothing to lose. Just play for fun, play like a winner and you're going to be winning lots of connections and eventually the right ones will be there to get you to the right things.

Speaker 2: 26:03

Whatever you're looking for, whether that is the job, whether that's the new clients to get you to the right things, whatever you're looking for, whether that is the job, whether that's the new clients, whether that's just to know a place to get some good lobster or whatever it is you're listening to or wanting to. So, with that, thank you so much for listening. Really do appreciate it. Thank you for watching. If I miss something, let me know on social media at justinwinkphd, or email me. Podcast at justinwinkcom. And if this was helpful, you know, share this, share this with a friend, let them know. Very much appreciate it. With that, thank you and good day. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with justin wink, phd. Today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five-star review. Your feedback not only supports the show, but also helps others find us and start their journey of emotional and energetic mastery. You can also help by sharing this podcast with someone you think will love it just as much as you do. Together, we're engineering more amazing lives.