Ep 53: Do You Care Enough to Not Care?

Do you care enough to not care?

WHAT?!?!

Either I care or I don't Justin.

This episode is super important to your own wellbeing and your ability to serve others.

Today I talk about how not caring what others think actually allows us to care and serve others more. I talk about how not caring during a recent Kayaking trip made much more relaxing for everyone after I ended up under my kayak during a big rapid.

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Transcript

Justin Wenck: 0:00

Welcome to the engineering emotions and energy podcast. I'm your host, Justin Wenck. Today's topic is on the question. Do you care enough to not care? What, what am I talking about? Like, Justin, I either care or don't care, like what is how could I care but not care. This is going to be a game changer if you really pay attention closely to what I'm about to share with you and really look at your own life and how you do what you do, why you do what you do, and what you care about, and what you care about how other people think about you. Because if you're busy worried about what other people think about you, are they going to like you or are they going to not like you, it can be debilitating. Whereas if you don't care about what other people think about you, you can basically do whatever you need to do, which also includes serving people to your fullest living your passion, not, you know, being in such alignment. And so happy with yourself that other people don't need to take care of you, having your own health be a priority, you know, be able to speak up when you need to speak up. Because when when I was younger I was I was so worried about what other people thought about me and cared about me it was so debilitating, that in high school, I literally found a group of friends and we would hang out at some handball courts. So we visually could not be seen by other people. Because at that time in my life, I was just I just needed a break from being seen and judged by the people because I would just be words, like, as too many kids, I got to, you know, the golf kids look got the job kids like Jackie, and you know, the band people are wearing, but like, I can't wear all that thing, I can't do all those things, all those people. So I just wanted to hide and not be out there and shaking it up and meeting people and having a good time, which I'm much more able to do now. Because I care way less, because I care more about other people, by caring about other people by not caring about what they think about me because if I'm worried about what they think about me, I'm being the selfish asshole. So it really is kind of those few you really got to think through it carefully. But as you think about putting into practice, you start to realize that it is something that could it could be holding you back from a lot of things, a lot of decisions, a lot of conversations, a lot of relationships or endings, a lot of relationships. Like I talked about in the last episode, you got a really interesting story I'm going to share with you on this topic. But before I get to that, I did I did get a little shit from from, from my mother in law about he was like, What is this about exiting relationships? like is this, this have to do with you know, and I was just, you know, my wife was telling me this, and I'm just like, she didn't listen to the fucking episode, did she, she just she just like, read the blurb. And it's like, Listen, you know, so, you know, fun stuff. So, but I didn't care, I ultimately I needed to do that episode, I need to do that show. Because I know there's a lot of people that could benefit from the information I shared in that. And, you know, if I was to worry about how, you know, you know, my mother in law, or, you know, anybody else in my life took that I would have gotten that information out, I know, it's going to help, you know, many, many, many people get out of a situation that they don't want to be in. So that's, that's an example of caring by not caring. So the story I want to share is so earlier today, I went whitewater kayaking down a section of the American River. And it's, this is something I've maybe done, I don't know, like four or five times. So I'm, you know, it's not I'm not a complete noob but also I'm, you know, very, very, you know, inexperienced, and so, you know, the friends I go with, they're like advanced river guides, and, you know, so whatever they say I kind of do my best to follow and, you know, like, yeah, you guys are the experts, you say, you know, pedal hard left pedal hard, right, I'm going to do as best as I can based on you know, my abilities, because when we're new, you know, even though someone tells us an instruction, we haven't built up that neural pathway necessarily, that makes it easy for that, you know, instruction to come in and then it actually gets represented physically in the way that it was told, right? So, you know, so I do my best and you know, they come into one of the larger larger rapids and I'm gone and they're like, yeah, you know, you really need to make sure that you say stay in the middle and you want to you know, power panel as fast as you can. And you know, so then you don't get tipped over. And so come to this, you know, really big, like, kind of rigid that dips down and then this big wave and my kayak start Tip into the left and I got a I got a paddle left which would make my kayak go right. And my, my paddle was twisted about 90 degrees. So instead of you know, getting a full powerful paddle stroke, I got nothing nada. So instead of turning to the right, which I needed to do, I ended up shifting left, and then getting tipped on over. And this is my first time getting tipped over in a rapid. So I was under the kayak and I'm like, let me try to flip this thing over while I'm underneath it, which turned out to be a horrible idea. But I spent like, I don't know, it felt like a long time was probably only 30 seconds, which, to me, and also, apparently to the people around me seemed like a really long time. And so I started to hear like, Hey, get from out from under the kayak. So I got out from under the kayak. And I was holding my my paddle because one of one of my buddies who's like, you know, he, he's an amazing amazing kayaker, amazing, he was telling me a story about how he always likes it when he was with people that can you know, sort of self rescue, you know, their, their gear with a, they end up turning over, cuz usually it's like you flip your kayak and then your paddle goes places, you know, and other equipment could go places. And so it's always a pain in the ass if you, you let all the other people get your stuff. Right. And so me kind of like how I want to be the hero. So I'm going to hold my kayak, I'm going to hold the paddle and so I'm trying to hold on to all of this shit. And you know, still going around the rapids up and down and then I you know, I'm like still trying to like then flip the kayak up overs get it up, right. I didn't realize how long this rapids was, it was a really long stretch of rabbits were pocket talking, like, you know, two to three minutes of floating in, you know, class two plus class threes, something, you know, some pretty, pretty intense rapids. And then I'm trying to remember that the training of like, Oh yeah, you don't want to try to like stand up because you know, you can get your foot stuck under a rock and get trapped under there. And that's how you can drown. And so I'm going to try to remember that and then turn them around, like, Well, how do I get the kayak moving, hold my paddle. And then I see my dry bag, which is a bag that you take all of your valuable things that you don't want to get wet and you don't want to get lost. You put those in this dry bag so that if something like this happens and then ends up floating in the river, it'll be a find easy to and so I see my dry bag starting to float around and I realized that it's come unlatched and it is effectively open and all the contents of my dry bag could could now be spilling to the floor of this river. And so I'm like fuck the kayak fuck the paddle I just started swimming forward towards my dry bag. Cuz I'm like I don't care what other people think about me I gotta get my car keys I gotta get my phone and I get it and then I mean you me the dry bag I eventually swim finally get to the kayak and everyone's now starting to you know help get me in the kayak back together and we get to a place finally after you know literally it's only like three minutes but you know the waters cold I'm like spending a lot of energy trying to you know flip the kayaks winter is a drive by all this stuff. So I am just exhausted I get into it I'm just like oh my gosh I'm so who how much more is laughter like oh yeah, we got like another a couple miles a river to go and someone says like, yo, do you want to switch switch with me? And I was like, Oh no, what kind of kayak is this? I don't know if I want to do this and then I look in it's a it's a it's a two person raft. And if you've never done kayaking, whitewater versus rafting, it's it's kind of the equivalent of probably, you know, effectively like I don't know riding riding a motorcycle or bicycle would be your kayak versus like getting the hang out and like a Honda Civic. Like it's just gonna be a dramatically more comfortable easy going experience, right? You know, pluses and minuses but you know, if you're tired, exhausted and you just want to chill out you're gonna want to be in that RAF which is your Honda Civic of transportation down that river. And what went through my mind at first was like, well, Justin, you don't want to look weak by giving up you know, being in your in your kayak, you know, you want to you want to look strong, like this shit doesn't bother me. And then I was like, well, it's kind of a really pain in the ass for, you know, everybody to you know, kind of probably worry about me falling in and I know I'm really tired, and there's a higher likelihood that I could fall in again. And that's going to be really annoying for me, and probably annoying for other people. And I'm worried about looking strong and how I look and what people are thinking about me. That's ridiculous. I was like, yep, no problem. Let's switch put me in this nice little route. So I can, you know, enjoy chill out, and then everyone else could chill out. So by not caring about what other people thought of me what their judgments and all those other things, I was able to enjoy the rest of that kayak trip. And I know the rest of the people were actually able to enjoy it much more. And I got to have an amazing conversation. You know, with the sky, this guy, Simon, which is really cool. And I got to tell him about this other example of where you can care by not caring is I've, if you've been watching my social media, you might have seen that I'm now teaching a yoga tation class, which is part yoga part meditation, it's really, really awesome at a new off yoga studio, pretty near to where I live. And they're doing a grand opening for their nursery center tomorrow. And they're like, oh, we're going to be doing some, you know, some raffles and events, things and I was like, You got you know, I, I'm an MC, like I do public speaking, I've got, you know, so many years of Toastmasters. And I've emceed events, you know, with hundreds of hundreds of people, you know, and I can really help, you know, help them go smoothly, and keep people excited and make sure people have the information. And they're like, Yeah, please do that. And I'm like, All right, cool, what's going on? And they, they really haven't been able to tell me too much What's going on? And it's like, well, we're gonna have is yo class 10 to 11. There's tacos, dude, noon to two. And we think we got some music and other things. I'm like, ours is awesome. But there's part of me like old school organized, Justin, it's like, well, I need to I need the full itinerary I need I want descriptions of you know, what are all the prizes? And I want to know, like, Well, you know, who are all the people at? Because you know why? And why do I want to know all that? It's because I don't want to look ridiculous. I don't want to look like I don't know something. And so if I was to focus on, you know, caring about that, I wouldn't have I would have said no to the event, I go, I can't do this. You guys don't know what you're doing. But I'm just like, Hey, you know, I'm here to serve. I'm here to help out. You know, I don't have to know everything. And I know that if I don't know something, I know how to handle it and make it a good fun time fun experience for everybody. And so what if I look silly or look ridiculous, as long as everyone's having a good time. And the event goes? Well, because one of the things that makes me a great emcee is that the focus is on the audience. And the people either you know, presenting or given their talk or you know, doing a performance. That's, that's what it's all about, for me when I do an event like that. And so I don't need, I don't need to know all this stuff ahead of time. I don't need to make sure that it's perfect so that I look good, because it's not about me anyway. So that that's all I got for this show. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppies and kittens, giraffes and whatever, other animals, that's, uh, that's kind of the show. So just whenever you feel like, man, I don't know if I want to do that. Or maybe, Oh, I got to do that. Ask yourself, why is it? What am what am I really caring about? Am I caring? about, you know, the, the results? Or am I caring about what people think about me and my caring about their judgments? Because if you're caring about their judgments, and what people say, you're probably doing something harmful to yourself or others, and not being as much as service as he otherwise could be. So that's why Yeah, I know, I make mistakes on the show. I know I sound foolish at times. But it's all it's all in the service of you guys, my fabulous audience. And, you know, if you want to return the favor, and you know, not care so much about what other people think by by sharing the show, please share the show with your friends or your family or anyone else, get get them to subscribe and, you know, let them know if they like it. Rated five stars. So a good rule review helps get the word out with what I'm trying to do here, which is help people live a life that is less stressed, more energetic, and from the heart, you know, want people to live their passion, not feel stuck and overwhelmed with things. So that's what we're trying to do here. So anything you can do to help and if you got anything else you want. Let me know about the show something you like how did Justin that sucked, man? Let me know first podcast at Justin wenck.com. Also, you can go to Justin Wenck calm. We've got a free meditation download there. I don't know how much longer I'm going to leave that up. I don't know. I think maybe it's like too good. So just check. Check it out. It's pretty good. But then, you know, find me on social media, Justin Wenck, PhD on Facebook, Instagram and Justin Wenck on LinkedIn. So Really, really good. Love it. See you guys good day.