I'm out of my house, out of my marriage, and out on the road. On today's show I share where I've ended up after working on my depression that started about a year ago. I'm sharing how what appeared to be a perfect life didn't always feel so perfect. Now that I've let it go, I'm starting to feel how perfect life works out as I seize the opportunity to create my perfect life and not someone else's life. I'm really hesitant to share this, but I'm hoping it can be of benefit to at least one person.
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Welcome to the engineering emotions energy podcast. I'm your host, Justin Wenck. This episode is a little bit different because I'm beginning a different kind of life. I am out on the road I'm recording this intro from Dallas, and me to the material was recorded my last night in Folsom, California. Before I flew out and started a two month journey, my house is rented out because, well, I think I say it all in the upcoming audio. So I hope this is a benefit to you. Or maybe there's someone else in your life that like could really benefit from this story and my experience. So you know, tell a friend share this, pass it along. And enjoy today's very special episode of the engineering emotions energy, podcast, depression, divorce, dissolution. So I'm titling this divorce, depression and disillusion This is my last night in Folsom, California before I start off on travel adventure, six months ago, I, you would have looked at what I was up to, and then like this, this guy's living living the dream. And since then, in comparison, if you're looking at what has changed, I've I no longer have a wife, I no longer have my house that I'm living, I don't have my car. I haven't been at my job. I don't have the dog, I don't have the cat. And it sounds like a fucking country music. Song right? Yet, I'm not I miss those things yet. I'm more excited for what is able to come in. Because even with all of those things that I had in my life, I was very, very depressed a year ago. And what hadn't been the first time I'd been depressed in my life. And really major depression when I was working on my PhD, required medication and therapy and meditation to get over that. This round of depression with all the tools that I've been able to mass it just became one became apparent became Okay, I don't need to be get real serious about applying the tools of meditation of exercise and nutrition. And then also reaching out and getting more help from therapists, psychiatrists, coaches, hypnotherapist, I also did iosa. And then also getting into deeper forms of spiritual meditation and also finding ways to give back by starting to get back into teaching meditation as well. So yeah, just because everything looks super good. doesn't doesn't mean it feels good. And the feelings I'm owning more and more that's that's the truth. That's that's my truth. Your feelings are your truth. And the more we honor and follow those the more joy we can find because when something in the body hurts or something in the soul hurts saying, fucker says not working, do something different, anything different. The life that I deleting how great it was, how great the people were. All that just in my heart. I wasn't I wasn't happy. And so those things require a little bit alchemy, changing them. And so getting divorced, took a leave from my job. I still have the option of going back. And after the amount of time I've been away, I'm getting close to the headspace where I believe I will go back because in some ways going back to an environment where you had a challenge is a test of how well the learnings the growth is right? It's really easy to be serene and peaceful. out in a cave somewhere right? Can we stay serene and peaceful? in the thick of things, when emotions come up, how do we respond? Do we deal with the emotion? Or do we go with what we've practiced, and you're watching video, like sweating like crazy, I just got out of a very hot bath of Epsom salt. And usually when I have a path like that, I just get in a flow state where a lot of energy, a lot ideas start to flow. And usually I just go go to sleep This time, I was like, I want to do something different. I'm going to share through video and audio, as well, and might even turn this into a, an article We'll see.
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Justin Wenck:
if I'm going to be different, feel different. I need to do different, right. And that includes, you know, actions as well as different thoughts and different feelings, all that stuff. So I am doing something different, rather than about sharing what's going on. So yeah, so running out my house, in my car away, getting divorced, all that. I'm going to be traveling for about two months. And go visit a couple of friends in the US goes scuba dive in Roatan Honduras for a week with a buddy, then go to Belize, check out some Mayan ruins, then off to Costa Rica, read a meditation retreat. And then also a lot of free time to see what strikes me. I'm going to go head to Tulum, Mexico, final stop before returning to Sacramento. So it's about as much as it's planned. Because most of what I'm playing with my head hasn't really hit hard, too happy. So learning, feeling lead, and let my mind serve my heart more and more. That's, you know, the type of stuff I want to be able to share more and more with people. You know, wherever I go, whoever I mean, be able to be more free, more open, we're getting more present. So yeah, even though there's been some dark times, there is always the flip side of that, which is is the light times and the the duality, the going the dark is always an indication that there is the light. So if you're having some, you know, challenges, you're not where you want to be. Recognize that's just telling you that there is someplace you'd rather be, there's some of the way you'd rather feel. And but that but that'd be something, you know, not to go further down that hole. But use that as a signal, Okay, time to do something, anything, literally anything different. Or take a walk. Or take a breath. Go take a phone call with somebody, lots of people out there wanting to help lots of people like me, I'm always open to you know, help out so you know, message me, contact me. Because I don't do it alone. Most of my life and I had to do everything alone. And when it was lonely two It was really fucking hard. And three, I I missed out on what I really wanted. So the more the more I get help, the more I move along. more experienced joy The more I have a fun and the more I get to give the gift of letting other people help me. I was just being selfish. Don't be selfish. Ask for help. the kindest thing you can do to anyone and everyone has got somebody for help. Go Hey, can you help me out with this? Very few people saying outright No. They might guide you to better guidance, which is still hope somebody gives you not right No, that's good indication that this fucker probably should not be in your life. And they just did you a favor. And you now have one of the biggest gifts that I've been getting lately is clarity. Just knowing what works and what doesn't when you know This relationship doesn't work. This activity doesn't work. This way of feeling doesn't work, then you know you can move away from that and towards anything else. And there's no need to get hung up on my work we're going towards the best thing the perfect thing doesn't matter always make another decision I call my meditation system the perfect life meditation as a it's a it's a joke because there is no perfection. There's no perfection in that everything is perfection. There really is the you know, the all the universes the nothing of the worse. That's really my call it that. Probably being too goddamn clever. Probably horrible marketing. We'll see. We'll see. So that's all I got for for this. You've been watching. Thank you for watching, and listening. Thank you for listening. Yeah, so you know, always find me on social media. You know, podcast at Justin Wenck calm or check out just a week calm to subscribe. I don't know if I do a newsletter or something. I'm figuring all this shit out. It's coming along. It's got you know, I've got I got some meditation audios. I think it's on the website. And then I've also got a membership. So just email me. It's not easy to find or message me or whatever. So take care. I get balls early tomorrow morning. Before 5am so I can fly out to my first stop house to see to see a good friend and her husband that had been on the show twice. she's a she's a twofer. So we'll do a show with her by not relaxing. So Alright, that's it and good day.