Do You Gotta Get Down to Get Up? (Why I disappeared the past month)

Quirky question for you: Do You Gotta Get Down to Get Up?

Wait a minute…isn’t that, “Gotta get up to get down?” While that’s the common phrase about making fun times happen at a party or the club, it can also be used in a more general sense that you have to be taking action to get what you want in life. That’s how we’ve been taught to live our lives, but getting up to get down is actually #backwards and total bull$hit. 

On May 5th, I launched my book, “Engineered to Love” on Amazon and it became a best seller in multiple categories the next day.  I was UP! And I was looking to go even higher because you gotta get UP to get DOWN (and have fun). Then…

On May 13th, at the age of 92, my maternal grandmother passed away. I was DOWN! As in sad. I flew out to Iowa where my family was from to attend services a few days later. And, with my grandmother being buried next to my mother who passed away just 9 months earlier in August, I got further DOWN (as in grieving).

So for the past month, I have not been in the mood to get UP, as I’ve been called to get DOWN. This is why I practically disappeared in the past month. Yet, this time getting DOWN has led me to rely more on close friends, my therapist, and my mentors, and to connect with more parts of myself that I had kept hidden. It also connected me with some other members of my family in deeper ways.

What does it take to build a big tall building that will last a lifetime? A strong foundation. I was taught that to build a strong foundation, it requires building on bedrock, this sometimes requires digging deep down through soft mud or sand to get to bedrock. Different locations can be more or less challenging to get to that bedrock, but it’s always there. When it’s found, then great skyscrapers can be built.

Our lives are like that. Until we dig down to find the bedrock of who we are, we won’t be able to build as big and as amazing a life as we truly desire. The sands of $hit will come out from under us if we haven’t consciously moved it away ahead of time. As I’ve gotten DOWN, I feel even more potential for getting UP. Up with joy, love, and impact in the world.

Getting DOWN doesn't have to mean getting sad or grieving, it can also just mean getting DOWN into the details of who you are, what you want, what are your boundaries, who’s important in your life, and what do you value? Those are ways to get DOWN no matter what’s going on in your life. 

Are you willing to get down to get up? Let me know by commenting or messaging me on social media.

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

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Transcript

Justin Wenck: 0:06

Hi, I'm Justin Wenck, PhD, and you're listening to the engineering emotions and energy podcast. Are you ready to bust burnout, pursue your passion, have more time, money, energy, and relationships you actually love, including the relationship with yourself. If so, then this podcast is for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant, speaker, and a leader and transforming people's lives from living in fear, obligation and guilt, to living a life of joy, ease and love. What's most important is that I can teach you all this in a way that's enjoyable, easy, fast, and can actually last. Let's begin. Hi, there. Welcome Justin Wenck, PhD today I'm going to be talking about you got to get down to get up. Or I'm also gonna be explaining where I have been for about over a month, because yeah, launched the book on May 5, and the launch was phenomenal. And then, you know, you're watching social media and all sorts of stuff. It might seem like Justin disappeared for like a month. So what's that all about? Also, you might be wondering about gotta get down to get up. Either you're familiar with that phrase, and you're confused, or you're like, you've never even heard that phrase is the more common phrase, if it's even still common, because it's kind of a old school phrase would be, you got to get up to get down. And usually, there'd be a fun a fun beat, because it's usually like, you know, for dancing party, like you got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down. Gotta get up to get down. Oh, do it. Yeah, gotta get up to get down. So you just, you know, you got to get up, get up, go out on the dance floor. But this is also kind of a common way to think of our everyday life where the you got to get up, you got to go do something to make something happen to get down, which would be like, you know, the quote unquote, good stuff in life, you know, if you want to get get money, you want to get good friends, you want to get successful, and you got to get up, you got to aspire, do more, be better, be someone that's going to deserve those things, so you can get down. And my experience, this is complete, total bullshit. It's backwards doesn't work. I've been experiencing the more getting down, and seeing how much that has allowed me to get up. And what do I mean by that? What I mean by getting down. So when my book launched, I was I was like, All right, launch and just in a day becomes Amazon bestseller here in the US, like, this is awesome. And I had all these plans for all these other good things to happen that like all you know, get all these people, they're going to be emailing me and we're going to be doing some coaching programs, and I had a whole whole lot of stuff planned. So that you know, that's the weekend of May 5. Then a week later, literally about a week, a week later, believe is made may 12. And I don't think I found out to me 13 That could be off by a day. But basically week after my book launch, my grandmother passed away on my mom's side. And so well that's, that's sad. And that's a bummer. That's, that's getting down on that and not not in the good party. Kind of fun way. This is like I'm down. I'm sad. And unfortunately, I was able to take some time off to go back to Iowa, which is where both of my parents are from so that's where my grandma was living. That's where the services took place. And going back there, I was like shit, I was even more down because a couple of reasons. And stick around you're gonna want to hear how this ultimately ends up to being it's it's not just a sob story and that it's a little bit of a sob story. You're going to be finding out where this all goes and how just like justice is usually all about, like, you know, how are we going to be enjoy ease and love and relaxing, recharging. Reconnecting that's we're getting there. We're getting there. Stick with me. I'm with you. And you're with me and it's gonna be it's gonna be fun it's gonna be easy. Just got a little little bit again the theme has got to get down to get up and right now we're in the down part we're gonna get up so going back to Iowa where all my family's from a number of things that came up you know one as like, Is my dad my sister gonna show up? Because I'm talking to either them and I really had no idea if that was going to happen until he was actually had the funeral on site they had sent flowers is like, oh, okay, if they sent flowers are probably not going to show up even though there's a part of me that's like, maybe they they are here and maybe I was supposed to send flowers on. I'm here and I'm supposed to send flowers. Oh man, I fucked it up. But turned out that's that's not the case they sent flowers because they weren't going to be there and they weren't there. So that was like down like feeling anxious. But my grandmother was also buried right next to the plot where we put a good amount of my mother's ashes As, as well as to my grandfather, so that was only in September, it was back for my mom's funeral services. And so that sort of brought up the pain of losing her as well. And so that's like the griefs grief for my grandmother grief for my mom. Even more down even more down, and it's like, oh, shit, what is what is this mean? So yeah, kind of went went into a hole where I'm just like, I don't have it in me to post I don't have it I mean to I had some coaching clients I was like, I gotta I gotta reschedule because just I was just really, really down and I was in a hole, and I'm like, What am I gonna get out of this hole? And I've come to realize that it's not, it's not about getting out of the hole. It's not like getting down as being down in a hole. It's really about when you're down? How can you make that that area get the most out of it? Because when it comes to building a house, or building what's required, what do you need more than anything? And you might be thinking like, well, you need some windows, and you need some doors. And you're, you're gonna need, you know, some wood or some materials to create some walls, and you'll need a roof, price and plumbing. And all that's true. Let me ask you, though, what are you going to build all that on top of, but you can put that on? Right? Is it just going to float in midair, you can just put it on piles of sand, you're going to put it into water, you're gonna put on a foundation. So you need a good, strong, solid foundation. Because if you don't have a good strong solid foundation, however, amazing, whatever you build is going to be the sands of shit can just disappear, or change on you, and then it's gone. So really, it's a whatever you're trying to build in your life, whether it's, you know, more money, you know, better health, better relationships, whatever that is, you need a strong foundation and that foundation, I've been finding more and more it's about, it's about getting down into the things that maybe you don't want to deal with, yet they are a part of life, and the more you start to deal with them, actually, the easier it becomes not gonna say this becomes enjoyable, but it begins to be a part of your life being more joyful. Yeah, instead of viewing this as a whole, to be avoided, when you're in it, respect it, that it's part of necessarily part of being human building something gorgeous, something beautiful. And instead treat it more like a seller. You know, we're a fantastic basement, where it's like, oh, shit, I'm I'm down here, let's clear some stuff out that is not going to be supportive of a strong foundation. For some like beliefs about who I am, or what's possible, they can get cleared out. And let's, let's go some stuff that we don't need anymore. And then let's bring some light in fresh in this place up so that when we do end up spending some time down here, building our foundation, more and more, it's not as bad, it's not as dark, it's not as scary. It's not as unfamiliar. And maybe it's someplace we're a little bit more, okay, going more often, because it's getting down it can be sadness, it can be can be depression, it can be anxiety, it can be fear, it can be rage, can be hate, any of these usual emotions that we often spend so much time trying to avoid. And getting down doesn't necessarily have to be that. So I'm not saying go look for ways to feel bad. It could also mean getting down into the details of your life. Who are you? What do you want? What matters to you? What are your values? What do you care about? Who do you care about? And really, really getting down into the details, building your foundation, that then as you start to build upon that foundation, your life, which is what are you doing to bring in money to serve people? What are you spending your time on, you know, as far as enjoyment, hobbies, fun, creative aspects? Who are you spending the time with friends, family, loved ones, how are you connected to the world around you? All those things that you start to build up they have a solid foundation, because you've gotten down and now you can get up you can get up to feeling joy, feeling love, feeling ease, feeling fun feeling, connection, all these things, that if all you do is focus on that, and you're not looking beneath you of what's below, you can just get walloped. And I've experienced this. I know many people have. And I've been fortunate to Van also I've done the work. I've put in the effort to cultivate having a great coach, mentors, therapists, friends, family that been there to support me in these times. And that ends up being, you know, only when we go to the depths. In these ways, do we see, wow, what's the breadth and then also the height. Because we know when we share these vulnerable challenging times, then we can really relax in and truly be ourselves and express ourselves and have the fun and the joy that we want to have with people in our life. Right? So you might be going like, alright, so I gotta get down to get up. So getting up to get down? How do I fucking do that? Justin, how do I do that? Well like to say I literally, I wrote the book on it. This really is what the book is engineered to love is all about. So it's available on Amazon, just go search for my name, Justin Wenck. And it's engineered to love. So you get the paperback, you can get the Kindle, you can get the hardcover, whichever version works for you. I'm getting started on that audiobook. So could take a couple of months, see if I can get it done faster. Because I know if you're probably listening to surprise, somebody who likes likes the sound of my voice, and maybe it's easier for you to listen to things than to actually read. Well, that my book is really easy to read. Everyone says it's super, super easy, super enjoyable, like funny. It's got some life changing stuff. So I would encourage you to get it. But yeah, get that book. And it's going to show you how to how to get down down into details of your life of like, what's your vision for your life? And how do you make it happen? How can you feel good while you're going along the way? And how can you be with yourself even in these tough times, it's got all that all that stuff and stories of how I've gone through it as well. And it again, you can get in contact with me. So definitely would encourage you to reach out and podcast Justin wenck.com, or on all the social media platforms, Justin Wenck, PhD. So I'd love to hear from you. What are some areas that maybe you've been a little bit hesitant to get down? And, and maybe we could, you know, find some ways that you can get down in a way, because again, when you get down, you don't have to do it alone. That's right. That's right, you don't have to do it alone, you don't have to do it the hardest, most awful way you can find a way to do it with someone that you care about and get down get bogey. So then you get up and you already have some people to boogie with. That's right. So that's been my journey over the past month is you know, high high and then low lows, get back and I'm able to from this even more profound and unbelievable foundation that I have cultivated this amazing cellar that's got all this amazingness of experiences that I am able to build upon, I am ready to move forward and get the book out to more people because it's been so fun because I did like make myself bring copies of my book when I was like go to a retreat or even brought it back to Iowa to family members. Because people are like, Oh, you did that I go. What's it about? And I'm like, well, it's about going from success to fulfillment and getting out of being stuck in fear, obligation and guilt and actually living a life that you love it because engineer to love is saying we're all engineered to love, love who we are who are with what we're doing where we are not meant to just be like struggling and grinding away and you know, just trying to get up up up and then maybe someday we'll be able to get down enjoy ourselves. That's total bullshit. They're like, oh, I want to copy and so I pretty much almost sold all my copies that I had with me wherever I went, which was a really cool experience. You know, the reviews I already got eight five star reviews. So if you are did already get the book, please do leave a legal review would love for you to leave a review. So yeah, love to hear that. It's good to be back. I'm gonna be doing some more amazing things. So make sure you are subscribed to this. I rate this podcast five stars. Absolutely. And share it with a friend share it with somebody that maybe they're like, going through some hard times and they're like, Is that Is that okay? It is. It's okay to go through hard times, going through hard times. And it gets easier and easier, the more we just sort of trust that it's okay to have the hard time and just try to avoid it, even though you just want to just avoid it. So that thank you and good day