Out with the Old: How to Let Go of What’s Holding You Back

Is your life feeling cluttered—physically, emotionally, or socially? In this episode, Justin reveals the three things you must let go of to create space for the experiences, relationships, and successes you truly desire. From clearing out physical possessions to reevaluating the places you frequent and the people in your life, this episode is packed with practical advice for creating a life filled with ease, joy, and purpose.

Justin shares personal anecdotes, thought-provoking insights, and actionable steps that will inspire you to clear your life of the unnecessary and make room for what really matters. Whether it’s tossing an old dining set or curating your social media feed, you'll discover the power of intentional decluttering in all aspects of life.

Key Highlights:

• Decluttering Things: Why holding on to "stuff" keeps you stuck—and how to let it go without guilt.
• Evaluating Places: How to identify environments that drain your energy (including digital spaces).
• Letting Go of People: How to gently and respectfully step away from relationships that no longer serve you.
• Emotional Freedom: The surprising connection between physical space and mental clarity.
• Practical Tips: How to get started with small steps that lead to big changes.

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Connect with me:
JustinWenck.com
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
YouTube

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.

=====================================================

Transcript

0:00

If your life is completely full of people, places and things, then how are you going to get what you want? How are you going to have the new amazing, uplifting place to go to, the new friend, the great coworkers, the great lovers? How are you going to have the new pieces of furniture, or the new car or the new house or the whatever it is, if there's no space for it, are you ready to live a life with enough time, money and energy have relationships and connections that delight you? Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing? If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades. I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. It's time for engineering emotions and energy with me. Justin Wenck, PhD, welcome today talking about the three, the three key things that you're going to want to get rid of if you want to bring in more of what you want this year. If you can go through and get rid of these three things, then it makes a lot easier for you to have the space the room and the ability to bring in what it is you actually do want. So what are these three things? And I'm going to give them to you in the order that usually you hear them, but then we're going to go back in the reverse order, because it's probably going to be a lot easier for you to to tackle. So what is it? What is it you got to get rid of you got to get rid of people, places and things. People, places and things. Again, you're just like, Justin getting rid of people. That's why we're leaving that to the end. We're going to start with getting rid of things. So chances are, if you've been, like most people, you have accumulated some stuff. George Carlin, one of my favorite comedians of all time. I got to see him perform live three times. A great bit on stuff that really a house is just a place to collect your stuff. If you run out of room, it's time to get a bigger house. And if you have a bigger house, it's time to get more stuff. And really, the stuff can sometimes just become stuff a cating or suffocating. Anyway, his chances are even as much stuff as you might actually already have. There's probably some other stuff that you want. And he had another thing, you ever notice how your stuff is yours, your shit is stuff, and other people's stuff is shit? So you probably do have some stuff that is now feels like shit, and there's some shit that's out there that you would like to become your stuff. So go through and figure out. Because, I mean, there's, there's whole industries around this. I've partaken in hiring a professional organizer a couple times in my life. Well worth it, or buy a book on it, like Marie Kondo. I've read one of her books, and big thing of hers is like, does the item spark joy if it doesn't get rid of it? Get rid of it. And I know for me, it's been a it's often been a challenging thing to get rid of stuff, because I'm often like, I, you know, as as well off as I've been, you know, in retrospect, my entire life, I did grow up with that scarcity mindset of like, Ooh, well, if I need it, Oh, I better have it. So I better not get rid of it, because what if I need it? And, you know, literally, I grew up in a really large house that was packed with stuff like the number of rooms and the closets and the attics and sub addicts and additional addicts and third addicts and all this sorts of stuff. And that house recently got sold last year, thanks to my dad for selling that house, going through all that stuff so that it wouldn't become something for me to do in the future. So I'm really grateful for that. So that's something to think about, is, you know, do you want somebody after you were to, you know, you could die at any time, right? So you live now plan for the future, but also recognize that the future is not infinite. It's finite, and like, Would you really want somebody else to have to go through all of your shit and figure out, like, how do I get rid of this? No, you do it. You do it now, and you get to reap the benefit of having more space. And I do think that this pressure of, Oh, you better keep it, you know, or you better be careful of how you get rid of it, because you're you're going to be a bad person. Like, if you're gonna, if you throw that, what you're gonna throw that away? You need to recycle that well. You need to recycle that the correct way, or you're giving up the value. You should sell that. You should put the work. Like, I hate selling items. I made an attempt to because I bought, I bought some new furniture, I bought a new dining set, because I want to be able to entertain. So. I wanted a bigger table, and I had an old one, and I wanted to get rid of it. And so I've tried putting it up on next next door marketplace. I got the reason of why I hate selling stuff to people, because after a week of nothing, crickets. And this is, this is a great dining set, and at a great price, great dining set, great price. I get some of those. It's still available. And I go, yes. And then they reply, Oh, it's too big. And I just my head wants to explode. I'm like, it was, it was too big before you messaged me, before you knew it was available, not because the dimensions are there. And so I'm just like, why the fuck didn't you read the thing and go, it's too big, and it's not. It's a it's a four, it was a four person dining table. But anyway, you know what? I'm going to tell you, a secret of what I did. I broke the table down and I threw it away. I threw it away, and I'm going to give you permission. It's okay to throw stuff away within reason. And I'm not saying throw motor oil down the drain, not saying, put batteries in the you know, do your bet, do your effort to be as responsible as you can, but you can, at some point, just throw shit away. It's okay. You don't you don't have to be married to your stuff, because even when you're married to people, you can divorce people. So if you can divorce people, you can divorce stuff and let it go, and oh, my place feels so much better now because I got the new table, I got a recliner, and I got a new and so just got rid of a few items and I just threw them away. Because really, really shouldn't the companies that make the profit off of selling us this shit. Shouldn't they feel just as bad, if not worse, that they're forcing us to figure out what to do with it? It's bullshit that we that we don't have the engineering teams, the policy teams, all these other teams of people to figure this out. We're just individuals, and yet I'm supposed to figure out the best way to get rid of a table, or to get rid of a piece of electronics that uses, you know, 80% of the periodic table of elements in it nowadays, like it's it's ridiculous, and especially if you're in a major city, the amount of sorting and going through and checking and things are done to make sure that the right thing goes in the right place, and toxic stuff is not ending up in the environment. It's it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay again. Do your best. Read up on your local you know, recycler, garbage place. Do what? Do your best and then let it go the the Earth can handle a lot. The Earth can handle a lot. See, Earth can provide a lot, and then it can also take that shit and recycle it. And again, compared to what mass industries are doing your your little stuff. And truly, this is, this is a big bunch of bullshit that is put upon us that is like, Oh, well, you got to do your part. It's like, no, like, your part is a point is a small percentage of a small percentage. The bigger issues are the bigger issues, and we should be focusing on that and encouraging our leaders and our companies and our governments to focus on the biggest stuff so we can have a place that we enjoy living. Because if you have all of this stuff, that means now you have you, there's people to hire, there's storage places that drives getting bigger houses. It drives getting organizational equipment and on and on and on and on. So clear out stuff in the best way possible. And I'd say if it's challenging, phone a friend or phone a professional, it's well worth it. Get a professional organizer or a friend that's good at being tidy to just help with that, because can have emotional attachments to stuff. And letting go of that emotional attachment, that is what's going to be as freeing, if not more than the space. So that's the things. Get rid of things, and you can start small and start with the easy stuff, and you don't have to do it all in one day. This could be a process over an entire year, or maybe it is just you do one thing, you're like, oh my gosh, I have I got rid of one shirt that I'm never gonna wear again, and then maybe now you're like, Oh, now there's space for a new shirt, and you get a shirt that lights up your life and makes you look good. Feel fantastic. How great is that gonna be? So that's things next places. What are some places that you go to that are not sparking joy when I first moved to the area that I live now, I'm basically like equal distance from two supermarkets. One is a Safeway, which is sort of like you're just, you're just standard middle of the road type, you know, anywhere in the country, other place the country, maybe this would be like a Kroger or a. Bonds or a lucky or an HEB. But just this is just where anyone and everyone it, you know, your your common middle of the road, you know, not too expensive, not too cheap, has a little bit of everything. And then I got that one that's a safe way. And then the other one that's in, like, the opposite direction. It's, it's called Oceana market, and I imagine this is what Whole Foods probably was like, like, 2530 years ago, before Amazon bought it and kind of shit a fight it like, yeah, some of the stuff's a little bit pricier, but everything is phenomenal. Like, everything is a high quality product. Good taste, good quality, good packaging. The the staff is just friendly, the place is clean and taken care of, amazingly, whereas the safe way, I think I've only shopped there twice. The first time, the shelves were half empty and awful, and it's like, okay, well, so what? But, you know, maybe sometimes could. And the thing is, the stuff isn't even always that cheap. It's only cheap if it's on sale. And then the other time I went there, and they do something weird where there's only one line to check out, and they have an automated system that tells you, like, where to go to get to the checker. And there's a way this could be done that would be really efficient. Make things go super, super fast. They don't do it that fucking way. It's the worst possible way you could do this. It just makes it as slow as possible to check out. It always looks like, you know, the when there's a run on groceries preceding a natural disaster and, you know, like Florida or something, let's Slow as hell to check out. Not really that that good of pricing. And then I tried going again. Because I'm like, Well, you know, maybe I was just having a bad day. Went again and the horrible line thing. And, you know, saw somebody like, check the line, check the door, and they just, they just went out with their with their full cart of stuff. And then when I left, I saw them talking to a police officer about that. And I'm just like this doesn't feel like a good place, so that became a place that I no longer go to. So I would encourage you to go through the places you spend time and what places no longer give you joy, and don't limit this to just the physical places. What about what about the online places that you visit? What news sites, what apps are you? Are you visiting? Where you just, you just feel either angry or sad or upset or just just, it's giving you this message just like you suck. Your life sucks because it's like, you know, especially like a lot of social media. If you haven't cultivated your feed, I've cultivated my feed, and so I just get bored of my feed because it's just like, oh, people doing cool things. What I'm going to go do cool things? My feed is boring because I've, I've, your feed is really a reflection of your mind. And if you want me to do, like, an episode on how to cultivate your feed, I could do that, just let me know. But yeah, your feed is a, is basically a reflection of your mind and my feed doesn't keep me hooked. There's plenty of things in life that keep me hooked, but my feet is no longer one of them, because I just I don't allow stuff on my feed that makes me angry, makes me sad, makes like I am in control of what is in my mind and what is in my I still experience those feelings because I'm still living life just it's not being overly fed to me through my social media feeds anymore. So, you know, where, what are these places like? Is it Reddit? Is it your the next door app? Is it news sites, you know? And these, these places could also be, you know, what you watch on TV, the YouTube channels. Is a podcast? Is it books like, really go through and just like, hey, how? How is this this place? How is this place where I'm putting my time and attention? How am I feeling? What? What is it bringing up for me? And do I maybe need to not spend time here anymore, whether that's physically or virtually. And third and final is people. Is really evaluating, who do you want in your life? And let's start a little bit that this is one of those. I'm like, Did I put, do I want to put this under places? Or would I put this under people? But your group, group messaging. So this could be through WhatsApp, Facebook, or, you know, text messages, whatever it is, ways that maybe you're just on a group thread, or maybe these are discord servers. But basically you're, you're kind of like in a group of people. Maybe it's a Facebook group, whatever it is, but other people are putting stuff out there, and are you, are you picking up what they're putting down, and how are you feeling about what's being picked up? Because this is one that I recently just did a good cleaning on, because there have been a bunch of groups. It's like, oh, many of these have been a part of her, you know, maybe some of them two years or more. But it's like, oh, wait, in the past. Year, I've written nothing into these groups, and there's nothing that's been posted in these groups that I've gotten any value. So really, it's just been a horrible time sink. And what's great, and this is going to feed into when we get to people, people is, I didn't make a big announcement, I didn't complain, I didn't go this group is horrible. I fuck this group. This group sucks. I just archived it, muted it, just put it in a place where if I ever want to go back to it, I could go back to it, but it's now out of sight, out of mind. I won't be getting messages. It's not going to be showing up, but, yeah, it's not going to be taking up conscious space in my life anymore, and it feels it feels good, because now there's space for me to maybe join other groups that maybe I don't even know about. This brings us to, maybe people that you talk to on a one on one basis. And I have this in my in my book, engineer to love Go and be on success fulfillment exercise six, where I basically had a Marie Kondo, your your contacts. It's like, really, does the relationship bring joy to your life? And if not, either, either you have have a discussion with that person of like, Hey, how can we get this back into alignment where we're bringing each other joy or letting the relationship go? And depending on the nature of that relationship, you know, if it's if it's like a family member, like you live with, or like a co worker that, like you have direct report, or whatever, like you're probably going to have to have a conversation about this right yet, there's many people, friendships, loose relationships, that you basically you can just Stop playing the game, that effectively, they will reach out and offer you, Hey, do you want to? Do you want to play checkers with me? And you don't have to say yes to the offer of playing the game. They could invite you to something. You just go, oh no, thank you. Or, you know, maybe they say something and there's not really need to respond, they don't respond. And a lot of times, things just kind of move on, because sometimes things are just done, and there's you don't need to do anything special about it. You don't have to have a fight. You don't have to have a heart to heart. Again, use your judgment, but also use your discernment to know when it's time to say, maybe I don't need more of this person in my life, not there's anything wrong or bad with that person. Just it's time for new people, and maybe it's time for them too, and they've just been doing it out of habit. So have conscious relationships where you are basically you're you're getting joy from the interaction, because if you're feeling joy, then you're putting that joy out, and they're going to feel so much more joy. So this really is about how can you put as much joy out into the world and allow joy in? Because what comes in goes out, and if you're overwhelmed with all of the shit, of the stuff and the places that you don't enjoy, and the people you don't enjoy just covered in shit and your life stinks, then you're just stinking up your whole environment and all these other people's lives, and that's awful. It's all for you and it's all for other people. So do it for other people, think of the legacy you're leaving each and every day by how you feel, how you're being an example, and how you're allowing the space for for who, what and where you really want in your life. Because if your life is completely full of people, places and things, then how are you going to get what you want? How are you going to have the new amazing, uplifting place to go to, the new the new friend, the great co workers, the great lovers. How are you going to have, you know, the new pieces of furniture, or the new car or the new house or the whatever it is, if there's no space for it, because currently there's only so much, so much space that we are able to have in so many ways. Like, yes, expansion is possible. Yet here part of, part of the grand experiment of being alive on this earth is there. We're playing with somewhat finite, or at least, things can't become infinite, infinitely small amount of time. So it's like there's there's limits, which makes for a fun game to play. And so play the game. Have fun with it. If you're not having fun, change the game. Be the player that enjoys playing the game, because that's really all there is, is to enjoy playing, to enjoy living your life, to enjoy the things that are in your life, to enjoy the places that you visit, to enjoy the people that you're with. And just because you're not enjoying those things doesn't mean there's anything wrong with any of that stuff. It's just the signal that it's probably. Time to let some of that go and allow the space for new stuff. So thank you so much. I'm really excited to hear maybe what people, places and things you're gonna let go of, and so, you know, make sure to send me that in the social media or the email and so happy new year to those of you. I think I could still say that it's still early January, even though, like, oh my gosh, is this January over already? But yeah, with that, thank you so much and good day. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with Justin Wenck PhD, today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Your feedback not only supports the show, but also helps others find us and start their journey of emotional and energetic mastery. You can also help by sharing this podcast with someone you think will love it just as much as you do together, we're engineering more amazing lives you