Why Backsliding is Part of Progress (And How to Embrace It)

Are you frustrated by setbacks or feeling like you’ve lost progress on your goals?

In this episode, Justin explores the concept of backsliding and reveals why it’s not only normal but also essential for growth. Drawing inspiration from Michelangelo’s artistic process and personal anecdotes, Justin unpacks how to view challenges as opportunities for refinement, rather than failures.

You’ll learn how to reframe setbacks, why life is more art than engineering, and how to leverage your “backslide” moments to build a better, more fulfilling future.

Key Highlights:

• Understanding Backsliding: Why it’s a natural part of growth and how to reframe it.
• Life as Art, Not Engineering: Insights from Michelangelo’s sculpting process.
• Personal Examples: How Justin navigated setbacks in health and work to find clarity.
• The Role of Support Systems: Why you need the right people to help you on your journey.
• Practical Advice: How to embrace the process of refinement and growth, even during setbacks.

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

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Transcript

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It's in our nature, because we we exhale and we inhale. There's no inhale, no expansion, without the exhale, the compression. And so it's really it's learning from that compression, that going backwards, because it really is an opportunity for us to re evaluate. Is where I'm going, where I really want to go? Are you ready to live a life with enough time, money and energy have relationships and connections that delight you? Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing? If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades, I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. It's time for engineering emotions and energy with me. Justin Wenck PhD today, going to be talking about backsliding. What is backsliding? That is where, basically, you've been making progress. You've been getting better in some area of your life, and, you know, you're going to the gym more often, or you're, you know, reading like instead of watching TV, or you're starting to, you know, go out there to try to meet new people, whether it's friends or romantic relationship, or it's you're working on improving your health, whatever it is. And then, boom, you kind of like, go backwards. Feels like you go backwards. You're doing even worse than before. So that is backsliding. And so maybe, you know, you've been working on your New Year's resolutions, because this is coming out, you know, early in the year, but a little later, and this is the time where most people would have given up, because only 8% of people, I guess, are actually successful. 92% fail at their New Year's resolutions or just about anything that most people set their mind to. So with that, you know, don't feel too bad you're in good company, but you don't want to be in good company. You want to be in great company, phenomenal company, which is why you're here with me. And backsliding is totally part of the process of expanding and growing. And even though I'm the author of engineered to love, go and be on success to fulfillment, our life is not meant to be lived like an engineering project that the engineering has already been done. You are the result of an engineering project, yet our life is meant to be more like a work of art. And so I'll eventually share a couple of Michelangelo quotes with you. But there's, you know, one quote that he has. It's, the sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work, it is already there. I just have to chisel away the superfluous material. And before we get to like, you know, what? What can that mean when it comes to your life? Because you might be like, I don't want to be a sculptor. I don't want to do that, you know, just just to refresh you. Maybe it's been a while since you've seen the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but remember Leonardo leads. Donatello does machines. Raphael is cool, but crude, and Michelangelo is the party dude. So you know, this is, this is a guy that knows how to enjoy life, and I want to enjoy life, and I want you to be able to enjoy life. So that's why we are going to be taking guidance from Michelangelo here, who is the the funnest turtle, who wielded the the number, the num chucks. Numb Chucks, no, but we're all talking about the Renaissance artist Michelangelo, who sculpted many things out of marble, I think he did David, and he also did an angel. Going back to this quote of this sculpture is complete within the block, just he has to go and chisel away the superfluous material. Now imagine if Michelangelo was only allowed to do one pass over the marble, like, only go one direction, like, from the front to the back and never come back ever again. What do you think that that art? How well would he be able to get rid of this superfluous material? I mean, I'm sure he'd be able to come with some cool stuff under that restriction, but probably would be nowhere near as amazing as what he created by painstakingly over hours and hours and hours going back and forth over places and getting off, you know, bigger chunks and then smaller chunks to eventually reveal, you know, the the beauty of these work of arts and our Life is the same way, and that's really what the backsliding is, is it's an opportunity. It's very common in personal growth. It's very going to be very rare to find anybody that you know goes and grows without going back. Because really it's in our nature, because we, you know, we we exhale and we inhale. Now there's no inhale, no expansion, without the exhale, the the the compression. And so it's really, it's, you know, learning from that, that compression, that that going backwards, because it really is an opportunity for us to re about, reevaluate is where I'm going, where I really want to go. Because the reason this is the topic is because I've also been going through some backsliding in some in some ways. One has been my health. Like the last two months of 2024 I made some really great improvements in my the area of my health, but completely changing my diet and starting to get a little bit more exercise. Yet, like, January 2, I got, like, a really bad cold, and then got better, and then last week, it got even worse, like this has been the, you know, it's, you know, one of the worst cold type things I've had, you know, probably, probably for a few years. And it's really, really frustrating, because it's like, but I'm but I'm eating better, and I've got all these better habits, and yet still. But it's also like, oh, I wasn't perfect with my with my eating and things like that. I wasn't perfect. And so it brought up, well, what does it mean to me to not be to not be perfect, which is something that I've, you know, been through before, yet, this was another layer, another, you know, another layer down, closer to the more refinement, attunement, things like that. And then also a little bit, like, with my, my work. Because big, big focus last year became working with, with founders, with startup founders of tech companies. And there's, there's a little bit of like, oh yeah. Like, I really had some, like, big plans at the end of the year where I was like, I'm gonna do this podcast series. I'm gonna do that. And it was just like, Oh, I'm not, I'm not making any progress on that. I don't have the motivation. And what turned out was i It gave me some time to reflect of like, Ooh, there's some refinement. I don't just want to be working with any founders of any types of companies. I want to be working with founders who are actually making, already making an impact, and just want to do more, not ones that are just fucking around. Was was talking to my therapist today, and that use the analogy of i i want to be I want to be working with people that already have a flying plane that is able to sustain some flight. They just, they just want to go higher, faster, farther than ever before, as opposed to, maybe you've seen it, or maybe you've not. But Red Bull has this competition. I don't know how often they do it, where they do it, but it's basically like people create flying machines, quote, unquote, flying machines, and they they run them, I guess they have to be human powered, and they run them off a ramp into the ocean. And it's basically just a question of how far they make it until they crash. They are not going to, they are not actually going to sustain flight and be able to land on dry stuff. It's just, how far will they go until they crash? And it's like, oh, I'm done working with the floppers. You know, I love them. They got their place and that they're going through their thing. And just, I've had my time working with the floppers, and I'm ready to work with the flyers. And so sometimes a backslide is a great what way a great opportunity to reflect and then decide really, either recommit to your why or refine your why, or decide, oh, there's something else that I'd rather be doing. And it's really important to use this as a chance to not beat yourself up so that can sometimes you the biggest practice is to not judge yourself, to go like, I'm awful. I suck. I never do this. Do things well, but to really have that compassion, to kind of like, be the adult of your child, like self, and just kind of like, recognize we're always a work in progress, no matter our age, no matter our background, no matter how far we've come. Chances are we're doing something we haven't really done before. Otherwise, why the fuck are you doing it? If you're just doing what you've done before, you're probably bored out of your mind. And then some people, some people can just keep doing the same thing over and over. Those are not listeners of my show. I'm you know, if you're listening just because you've done before. Thank you so much. Do appreciate remember to like, subscribe and all that stuff. But it's probably not hitting you on the level of most of my listeners that are really wanting to do new things, have impact, create in the world, be able to feel joy in their life, connect, relate, things like that. And so it's and also it's a good opportunity to see how well your support system is as well. And I really got to see how well my support system was, because basically, last couple days, every everyone that I work with, I've now worked with, and I've gotten so many revelations on the things that I could change shift look at differently, and it's like I wouldn't have been able to do that all by myself without my my support team, a therapist. Coach and various other people that I have that helped me out. And so it's, it's a great time to reach out to them. And if you don't have don't have them, then maybe this is the sign of, like, hey, it's time, it's time to get a support team. Because there's a, there's there's a quote, I think it's an old saying, which people's it comes from but it's like, if you want to go if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go with others, something like that. So yes, you can move really quickly, but you might not actually make it very far, because there's a whole lot of reasons. Like, you know, you might go fast, but then you're going to run out of run out of energy, run out of steam. Might go fast, but you might just smack into a wall. You might be going in circles. Yet when you go with others, there's there's people there that are going to have other things to help decide, like, what is the best direction to go? What's the best way to go? Like, if you need to rest, then maybe they're there to support you. So it's a great opportunity to look into like, what is your support team? And then, you know, to evaluate, like, those, those practices. And because a lot of times, you know, when we're going to do something new, like a new exercise program is usually, usually really good, we always go like, Ah, I'm going to go three times a week. And we kind of have this idealized optimistic, or optimistic, yet when we actually try to go through it, we're faced with reality, what can happen, right? So it's like, oh my gosh, I'm really tired, right? Oh my gosh, I'm hungry. Oh, there was traffic, oh, it was busy, all of all of these things that you didn't know until you started doing it. And so you're gonna learn those things. And then that's it might mean you don't do your workouts. You don't do the workouts right. And so then you're not gonna feel good. And so then maybe it's like, I don't feel good. How do I feel good? Like, Oh, let me go sit on the couch and watch TV and eat a Domino's Pizza and get the brownie marble thing, and then let me get the dough bites with the the garlic dipping sauce, and let me just eat all that in one sitting while I watch, while I watch a scary movie that's going to freak me out and really make me like all crazy and and uptight and fearful and on edge and just have a hard time sleeping. And then it's like, even harder the next day to go, go do the workout, or whatever that could be. Who knows, I don't know, just throwing something off the top of my head. And so once you've gone through that, now you can have a more mature plan of how you're actually going to go about what it is, or it's like, okay, I got to make sure I got my shoes ready. I got to leave. I know I need to leave this much time to, you know, get it in. I've got to block off the calendar. Or maybe I need to, like, modulate because, like, oh, wait, I got, like, really sore. And so it's like, okay, so maybe I need to do fewer days a week of this, but now I need to add in, maybe I got to go get a massage, or I need to foam roll before, and so it's like, you get a better plan. So there ends up being all these great things. And again, if we're seeing life as an ex as an artful expression that is about the creative process, and there is no, there really is no done. Because I think it's sometimes funny when I go, you know, go travel, and it's like, you go and get, you know they'll have little tchotchkes, souvenirs, things like that. I was trying to see if I have anything as an example nearby, for those of you watching. But oh, actually, it's in my other my other room. Because I like squirrels, because they're they're just adorable and full of energy, and I respect that. And they got big, nuts, but so, yeah, I got, I got two, you know, different sizes. And you'll see this sometimes where it's like, there'll be multiple sizes at different price points, and it's almost like computer graphics were sort of like, the cheapest thing will look like, it's only got, like, eight bit, eight bit graphics. And then the something that's a little bit pricier is like, oh, that 16 bit. And then, you know, the most expensive thing will be, you know, full 32 bit, you know, it'll, it'll actually look like the fucking thing. And so it's life is kind of like that, if you only, if you only want to have just the most basic, like, where it's like, I guess that kind of looks like a life. Then, yeah, you don't have to backslide, but you're also probably not going to be growing. You're not going to be getting that nuance. But if you want the fullest life, the biggest expression that with the the most the most details, the most intricacies, the most possibilities, all the curves and the expression and the texture and the light and the color and the sounds, and all of the things, a lot of going forward, but then also a lot of back to bring about the the life that's been worth that's worth living. And so I'm going to end this with a couple more Michelangelo quotes, dude, what'd you do with the pizza? No, that's that's not wrong. Michelangelo. When asked about, and, you know, he's, he, there's an angel that he sculpted. And I think this is great, because it's like, and in fact, we are, we are the angel being sculpted, and we are, we are the sculpture. And the sculptor, yes, he said, I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. You know, it's, it's just not, it's not linear. Creating art is not linear, and so so is our life. So this expectation that it's a to b, it's total bullshit, and you're gonna see you've been inundated with this, you know, but in TV and in movies, you know, and on social media, where it's just like you do, you sign up for the program, and 12 weeks later, you're though you're the fucking god, you know. And you watch the movie, and it's, it's got the montage. It's like, oh, there's a little bit of challenge, but oh, now Rocky's gonna be able to win the fight or not. I haven't seen Rocky, or all of them, in a long time, but it's life's not. Life's not like that. Life's not like that at all. It's you can move forward and you go back a little bit, and it's almost more important how you go back, what's your attitude? Are you learning? Because if you go back and you just use that as like well, I guess, I guess I didn't get it, and you give up, then you're just gonna get what you get. But if you are able to see that it's part of the process, that, yes, you are, in fact, growing, and you can continue going, that you really only fail when you when you give up, then that's gonna create an artful life worth living, and you are worth that. I'm worth that. We're all worth, that we are worth creating an amazing, amazing life together as well. And Michelangelo also had another quote, and he said, I am still learning. And he was considered a master. So if a master of art can say, I'm still learning, then even you, yes, you dear listener, dear viewer, you can also still be learning no matter how far you've come, because you still seek even MORE And for even more. That means there is more to learn. And if we get stuck on the how we learn, then we're never going to be able to learn what we need to learn, to experience what it is we desire. So let go of how you're going to learn it. You are going to learn it. The key is to just set the direction and go, and to monitor, be aware of what's happening, and to adjust. Because I live, I live near the ocean. I like to sail. I like doing water sports. And the thing is, there's currents, there's winds. If you set your direction and you just, and you just, you know, go chill out. You are going to hit some rocks or you are going to capsize. You are not going to make it to where you want to go. But yet, if you are in it, you are present, you are with the current circumstances, and you are adjusting, then it is the ride of a lifetime. Is a ride of a lifetime. So let your life be art. Let your life be that voyage, that journey on the sea. And I'd love to hear you know maybe if you're, you've, you've back, slid or had some challenges, share it. Let me know. Let me know. And maybe I can offer some perspective on how you and how you move forward. I'm really good at that shit, really, really, really, really good at that. So, yeah, so I do wish you well. It's one of those like, I wish you, I wish you ease joy in making forward progress. But I also wish you ease and joy on your backslide, because you are making some amazing art, my friend, and it's glad to be here with you. And with that, thank you and good day. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with Justin Wenck PhD. Today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Your feedback not only supports the show, but also helps others find us and start their journey of emotional and energetic mastery. You can also help by sharing this podcast with someone you think will love it just as much as you do together, we're engineering more amazing lives you.