The Secret to a Happy Birthday (and a Happier Life) with Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming

Your birthday isn’t just another day—it’s a powerful event that can set the tone for the year ahead. In this insightful episode, Justin Wenck sits down with Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming, author of How to Have a Happy Birthday, to explore how celebrating your birthday with intention can lead to greater joy, connection, and fulfillment.

Tamar shares her unique insights on why birthdays are more than just cake and candles—they’re a chance to reflect, manifest, and create a life you love. Whether you’ve had challenging birthdays or tend to downplay your special day, this conversation will inspire you to reclaim the magic of your birthday and step into a new year of purpose and joy.

🔹 Key Takeaways:
✔️ Birthdays Are Your Personal New Year – It’s a reset point that deserves as much celebration and intention as any major holiday.
✔️ The Power of the Birthday Altar – How creating a special space with meaningful objects can focus your energy and set powerful intentions.
✔️ Manifesting Through Gratitude – Why expressing thanks for the life you have makes room for more abundance.
✔️ Overcoming Birthday Blues – How to handle challenging emotions or setbacks that may arise around your birthday.
✔️ Ask for What You Want – Your birthday is the perfect day to practice asking for—and receiving—what you truly desire.

✨ Final Thought:
Your birthday is a sacred opportunity to align with your higher self, express gratitude, and set the tone for the year ahead. Don’t let it slip by—plan with intention, celebrate yourself, and watch the magic unfold. 🎉

🎧 Listen now and start planning your best birthday yet!

Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming is a birthday aficionado who believes that celebrating our birthdays with intention can be transformational. In her award-winning book, "How to Have a Happy Birthday," and its new companion workbook, Tamar invites you to take charge of your birthday so you can experience more meaning, fulfillment, and joy.

For more information on the book and workbook go to http://HowToHaveAHappyBirthday.com where you can find some good info and links to purchase from Amazon and other resellers.

Connect with Tamar:
https://www.in

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Transcript

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I love how you kind of mentioned that you give some ideas on how to craft the birthday wish. To me, the birthday wish is your gift from the universe. If it's the most spiritual day of our year, we're really in alignment. The universe is really opened the spirits, whatever, whoever is in alignment with the word. It's all right there. So let's use our birthday as a way to wish for what we want in the coming year. And unlike a New Year's resolution, we're okay. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna, you know, eat healthy or whatever. It's not like that. This is really like, you know, your birthday is a way for you to take stock of the life you're living and to ask yourself, Is this the life I wanna be living? If it is great and if it isn't, what do I want to change in the coming year to help get more into alignment with what I want and the kind of life I want to live. Are you ready to live a life with enough time, money and energy have relationships and connections that delight you? Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing? If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades. I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. It's time for engineering emotions and energy with me. Justin Wenck, PhD, all right, today we are going to be talking about how shifting how you spend just one day of the year can change your life and possibly the world. What is that day? It's your birthday, of course. And to help us with this topic, I've got Tamar Hurwitz Fleming, who is a birthday aficionado who believes that celebrating our birthdays with intention can be transformational. In her award winning book How to Have a happy birthday and its new companion workbook, Tamar invites you to take charge of your birthday so that you can experience more meaning, fulfillment and joy. So welcome to the show from beautiful Barcelona tomorrow. Good to meet you. Yeah. Well, thanks, Justin, thanks for the warm welcome. I'm delighted to be here with you today. It's so great to kind of have you on because discovered you at a very interesting time, like just about a week or two weeks before, before my birthday, which is now about two two weeks ago. And so it was. It was really, I know, great synchronicity, great serendipity, a little bit of the think you like to call it the birthday spirit, already starting to work its work, its magic. And I guess we'll probably get into, like, you know, we were emailing a little bit just before this. I said, you know, I had, I had some headwinds from, from my birthday this this year, and, you know, not the first time in my life that I've had some, you know, challenging birthday related stuff, and that's one of the things like you talk about in the book, is how to, how to overcome some challenges that can be coming up on the birthday. But why is the birthday just so, so important in general? Because it's like, I think something some of us, we know that it's important, but sometimes, because of that, there's, there can be a hesitancy, because, man, there's a lot of stuff in Western society that stuff that's good and nourishing, we kind of get programmed to go like, Well, this must be garbage. This must be awful, or it's not. It's not for me. I'm not. I'm not deserving of that. So why is the birthday just so so special and powerful? Well, birthdays are, I believe birthdays are the most spiritual day of our year. It's the day that our life began. And I can think of nothing more spiritual and more in alignment than acknowledging that anniversary every year that it rolls by, I like to say that birthdays are also our personal New Year, they're a major holiday, and just like any other major holiday, for it to be a success, we have to plan for it in advance. You know, ideally take the day off work or our other responsibilities so that we can really put ourselves in the center of our day and plan for it, and put ourselves in the center so that we can have a wonderful connection to ourselves, and celebrate ourselves, and then receive the love and the good energy from other people, because people want to give us love and good energy on our birthdays. It's just this natural instinct we have. Yeah, it is really amazing sometimes when people are sort of attuned to birthdays, like, I don't know, there's a little bit of, it gets a little unfortunate, you know, is get getting older, where it's like, you stop getting carded when you make certain purchases. But I was, I traveled the day after my birthday, and so they check your ID when you check a bag, and the woman checked in, it was the day after, and she was like, Oh, happy birthday. It's the day after your birthday. And it was just, it was just, like, really cool to kind of get that, that, that acknowledgement of, like, oh, yeah, it was my birthday. Yeah, you know, I believe that, because we all get a birthday. I mean, birthdays are really the one thing I can think of, the one thing I can think of that's an equal opportunity provider. We all get 124 hour period. Had a year to celebrate ourselves and to put ourselves in the center. And so we all know what it's like to have a birthday. Some of us have happy birthdays. Some of us don't, but for those of us that understand that birthdays are powerful and can be so positive, we're excited for other people when it's their birthday, so the woman behind the counter when she was happy for you, that was a real, genuine feeling she had, because she knows what it's like when it's her birthday and she's the center of her world. That's reminding me of a I didn't do it this year, but many, many, for many years, I would play this song from this punk rock group called the vandals, and I think it's called Happy Birthday to me. And one of the one of the lines is 24 hours of wishing me well, 364 days I'm in hell. Oh, well, happy birthday to me. And then also, another line was like, Thanks, mom didn't have an abortion, which is, you know, it's, it's harsh, but, I mean, that is so it's like that there was a bit of a like, you know, getting to the gratitude of, like, I'm here, because a lot of things came to, came into being, of like, to allow each of us to be here like it was it totally that's a miracle. That's a miracle. Really, it is a miracle. It is a miracle. Each one of us, Justin is a miracle. The fact that we're here at all is a miracle. The fact that you were born to be you is a miracle, and that I was born to be me is a miracle. And so that's worth celebrating. That's why birthdays are so spiritual and and I think that is one of the things that's amazing about the birthday, is that encouragement to kind of realize, you know, how lucky and magical we are, and go like, well, let me, let me make some, some wishes, or do some, do some magic. And one of the really cool things that you you mentioned to me, and that you also talk about in your book is this concept of the of the birthday altar. Would you like to maybe describe maybe, maybe start talking about, like, what an altar well, maybe we'll start with what an altar is, and then what, what that is, yeah. Then we'll talk about the birthday altar specifically, yeah. So one of the things that I started to notice because, you know, the book that I wrote was based on conversations with many other people, but also a lot of observations about my own birthday and the energy that would come as my as the birthday approached, and sort of this wave of energy that would build, and then my birthday would happen, and then the wave would sort of dissipate. And one of the things that I started to pay attention to was the power of birthday Eve, the night before our birthday. It's kind of a freebie. It's sort of like the calm before the storm. You know? I mean, if you think of Christmas Eve in relation to Christmas Day, it's very analogous, so that there's this energy building. It's lovely. And what I started to do on birthday Eve, and I recommend this to all your listeners, because I think it's a really wonderful thing to do is to decorate your home and put up a happy birthday banner and create a birthday altar. And a birthday altar is as simple or as complicated as you want it to be, but it's a space in your home, ideally, someplace that you see all the time, that you've cleared off, and then you start to build and create with your favorite photos, favorite mementos, flowers, crystals, candles, whatever you want that reflects the love you have for yourself, reflects the wishes that you might have for the coming year. And create a special area, a birthday altar for yourself. And I like to do this on birthday Eve. It's sort of like turning on the light switch for my birthday energy, and then the morning of my birthday, I like to sit in front of my altar for a few minutes and just have some quiet, meditative moments, some self reflection, some gratitude to help get my day started. Because I believe that because birthdays are so spiritual, that is really good when we can, if we are so motivated, when we can sit in a, in a in a mindful space at the beginning of our day to kind of get centered within, tune into our spirit, and then go into the outer world and have all those festivities, or whatever it is we choose to do on our birthday. Yeah, I love that. And I know, to me like because there might be some people listening that are just like an altar, that's what, you know, weird people are, are into, I'm now one of those weird people like, but to me, like an altar, it's really just a it's just an area where you take objects of intention, and then you occasionally put your attention on those objects of intention. And our most powerful stuff is our attention and intention. That's that's really our world is created from that, whether we're aware or not, and this is just like you're consciously choosing, like, I'm gonna celebrate me by taking these objects that have to do with, you know, me, my birth and that have meaning, and then putting that, yeah, I think it's a really cool idea. And I I create, I still actually have mine up. Haven't gotten around to like, taking it down, so I still have a balloon, and I'll post a picture on social media of my of my birthday altar here, I'm sure. So this is the first time you did that. So how did that feel for you? I want to hear how was that when you created that it was your birthday? Did you do it on your birthday Eve? Yeah, yeah. And I think what I also did was, I, I've lately gotten into doing, like, a little bit of a rich. On the full moon and the new moon, you know, what we're one is about, you know, what do you want to bring in? And then the other one is like, what do you want to let go? I think it's the full the full moon is what you want to let go of, because it's full it's time to let it get let stuff go, and then on the new so I was like, I'm just going to take this new moon ritual of what I want to bring in, and I'm just going to, you know, do it with the power of the birthday altar and nice. It was just kind of, like, really cool to kind of go like, Oh, this, I want to bring this in and that in and nice with the candles and the other other elements and things like that. And did it help? Did you feel like it helped raise, you know, like, fluff your aura, that it helped, you know, raise your birthday spirit and get you excited for the day that was to come to me. Did you feel like it puts you more into the birthday? I feel like it, it did, because, like, I had, I had some significant headwinds this birthday. And so it was, I think it was about a couple, a couple days before my birthday, I get a ran a message from a random cousin that, like, I never, I never talked to this cousin like ever it's like, I've probably only seen him a few times. My buddy, he goes, Hey, is everything okay with your sit your sister. I don't know. I saw something. Just wanted to see if you know, see if, see if that's okay. And I tell him, I'm like, I don't have any contact with her. So I don't, I don't know. I don't know anyway. So for probably most of my adult life, I've spent more time not in contact with my sister than in contact with her. But there's definitely been a number of my birthdays where it's like, some shenanigans seem to, like, pop up, where it's like, there's a little bit of disruption coming, coming from her in some way attempt. And I'm just like, well, it's right around your birth, right around your birthday, yeah, yeah. I've often, noticed there's a little bit of, like, trying to, like, interesting, yeah, where something would come up, like she would get into trouble, or she would try to poke at me, or something, tell us your birthday joy, yes, yes. And I was like, Well, what is, what is, what is this? What's going what's going on, and, and then I saw that my dad had actually called me, which me and my dad Don't we have what I would like to call a hallmark texting relationship, where, if it's something, you'd send a Hallmark card, we would do a courtesy, like Happy Valentine's Day, happy Arbor Day, happy this. But I don't think we were even really calling for our birthdays these past, like couple years, and so I'm like, oh boy. It's probably like, what's, what's, what's this about? So call them. And it turned out my sister had actually passed away. Oh, my goodness, yeah, that's a big deal. Yeah. So she passed, passed away basically two days, yeah, two days before my birthday. And I was like, Oh, wow. So that's a big that's a big disruption, yeah, so I, you know, so I scheduled a flight to go down, and so that's why I was at the airport the day after my birthday, was to fly down to where I'm from, in Orange County, to be with my dad and to help with arrangements and things like that. Yet I still had, I had still had plans for my birthday. Like a lady friend of mine had planned a whole bunch of things. She had asked me, you know, a couple weeks ahead of time, like, what would you like to do? And I was like, Well, I like, I like water, hot tubs, and this is the kind of food, food I enjoy. And we got to go to a place where I could hot tub and and cold plunge and all sorts of stuff. And she brought in a private chef to cook, like, you know, like a three course meal with a lot of, like, my favorite items. And it was just, it sounds great. It was an incredible day. And it was a lot of the stuff in your book about, like, just make that your sacred day, like, carve it out and put the effort in and, like, go for it, try to put out stuff like that that could be there afterwards. So it really helped in, like, give me the permission and the encouragement to, like, you know, even with all that, it's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna celebrate my day, I'm gonna enjoy it, and I'm gonna let the magic happen. And it really did. It was really able to, like, genuinely enjoy it and celebrate me. And I don't know it's like, I mean, now I'm even more excited about next year, because it's like, the tools and like, do right, planning, yeah, well, and I a question I have for you is, is a little bit of, like, what's your what's your thoughts on? Because some people do, like, will do, like, half birthdays. I think often people that have like, a birthday on Christmas or something else, or something like, what are your thoughts on? I don't know. Is it a do over, or it's a I'm going to do it on a different time? Like, I'm curious about your because you do have a lot of, like, the the birthday is so, so sacred. Do not do whatever you can for that day. Yeah. But what about other What about other days to bring in? Well, I acknowledge my half birthday. I was born January 9, right after New Years, and it's always winter time. And you know, my sister was born in the late summer, and she would have swim parties. I could never have that. So I would acknowledge July 9 as my half. Birthday, I wouldn't do anything. I just acknowledge this is my halfway point. I think the birthday. I don't, I don't, I don't care when your birthday is. I know some birthdays are more challenging. I had someone actually write to me and say they had the worst birthday in the world. I said, Well, what is it? And she said, January 2, because it was the day afternoon years and nobody, everybody was just wiped out. Nobody wanted to party. And in my mind, I'm thinking, great, January 2, you get to extend your holiday right by an extra day because you're taking the day off ideally, and, and, yeah, there are challenges, if your birthday is on Christmas or some other big holiday, but you then it's your responsibility to work even harder to find the ways to nourish yourself on your birthday so that it can feel sacred and it can feel special. And I understand that if your birthday falls on Christmas, you're not going to have all of your friends there at your party. It's probably not going to happen. Hopefully you'll have some family there, and hopefully that's a good thing. And if it's not a good thing, and you're there with your family on your birthday, find some time alone, maybe in the morning, maybe in the evening, at some point to get away, even if it's just to go for a walk, even if it's just to go take yourself into the other room and make some sort of, you know, birthday collage. Have some creative time, put on your music, you know, dance like there are ways that you can raise your spirit and honor yourself, even if you're in a situation or if it's the day of the year. That's less than ideal. But it doesn't mean that your birthday needs to be diminished, and it doesn't mean that you get to have less of a birthday than somebody with a birthday on another day. It just means you have to work harder to share the day with the holiday or with the other people in your life, and to really put up the boundaries, if that's what you want to say, Okay, this is my time today within this day, so I know that it can be challenging. I think that it's all about alignment. You know, think of a total eclipse. I don't know if you've ever seen a total eclipse, but it really requires perfect alignment. And you can say, Well, is there going to be a total eclipse if I'm 200 miles outside of, you know, the totality zone? And the answer is, No, you're going to get a partial Total Eclipse. It's not going to be total. It's partial, so you're going to miss it. It's just not the same. So celebrating any other day Now, having said that, if your birthday falls, let's say on Christmas Day, and you want to and you're turning 50, and you want to have a big old party with the disco ball, have it three weeks before. Have it a month before. I'd like to do it before versus after. Personally, I think it's the energy it builds to the birthday. But there are ways that you can be creative to celebrate yourself leading up to it, but don't ignore the day itself. Yeah, I love that. This is really it's all about, Yeah, do that in addition to stuff on your actual birthday, not instead of, but this is in addition to exactly I do feel like it's, it is like one of the days that more so than any other day that there's the permission to like, yeah, you can, you can go big, you can ask, you can ask for more. And I really do believe that this is a crucial skill that humanity really needs to learn is how to ask for what they want. To really, to really get into the the giving and receiving, and not just like, oh, I have to earn it. I have to work for it. And then maybe I'll then maybe I'll get bestowed because my vision for the future with robotics and AI is humans aren't going to need to do anything. So, like, every day is going to effectively, possibly be like our birthday, where it's like, stuff can just be done for us, but if you don't know what the fuck you want and you don't have that practice, then no, no one's gonna be able to enjoy it. And it's like, I've definitely had many years of my life where I wasn't able to really enjoy my birthday, and I think many people, but now it's like, man, I've come a long way, and even in the face of, you know, of significant loss in my family, I was still able to enjoy my birthday. And I'm wanting to make, you know, eventually like, to make almost every day kind of like the birthday thing, where it's like, I'm giving, I'm receiving. I'm allowing things to come to me, and I'm not afraid to go, like, ask for like, you know, what I want, or be joyful, or receive joy from other people. That's right. It gives us birthdays give us permission to be selfish, right? And we know that that's not, you know that's that's a four letter word to many people, but we know what you and I understand what that word means when we say selfish, centered upon self, centered within self, having a positive, loving relationship with self. That's what I mean when I use this word, selfish. And so birthdays allow us to be in the center of ourself one day a year. Again, it gives us permission to do that, and a lot of us don't know how to do that. That's why a lot of us don't even like our birthdays. It's like I'm so used to giving, giving, giving, I don't even know what I want. I don't even know how to receive. I don't even know how to begin untangling all of that. But it's okay. Try anyway. You don't have to go from zero to 100 in one birthday. But you can go you can have a happier birthday from wherever you are on what I call the birthday spectrum. Some of us are birthday positive, and some of us are birthday avoidant, and then some of us are somewhere in between those extremes and or those points on the on the spectrum. And so if you're somebody whose birthday or void. And or doesn't really, you know, doesn't enjoy their birthdays. Never thought it meant much. Go ahead and practice making your birthday happier the next time you have a birthday, and see what you can do for yourself, and see how it can open the spirit in a way that's healing and nourishing, so that, yes, you can take that energy into the rest of your year, or at least put it into your next birthday. I spoke with a woman recently who had a birthday. I said, How was it? She said, It was great. I told my husband what kind of restaurant I wanted to go to, I told him what kind of gift I wanted, and we had a great day. And she said, now those seem like pretty simple things to ask for a gift in a restaurant, but she said, you know, it was really empowering to allow myself to ask for what I wanted and to get it. And so when we practice on our birthdays, putting ourselves in the center of our lives, how does that inform the rest of our lives? I, you know, I always say, if you if you celebrate your birthday, I believe you celebrate your birthday really well, according to my recipe for it, I'm glad when it's over. It's like, okay, I'm glad that's over. It was I showed up. I did my best. I radiated it full wattage. It's over. Let's put it let's put it in its place and wait until next year. I don't want to celebrate my birthday every day. It doesn't make it special if I celebrate my birthday every day. However, what I do want to do every day, to your point, is I want to take that energy I experienced on my birthday, being open to the world around me and open to the positive energy and receiving the good energy that's out there for all of us, and I want to continue that receptivity through the rest of the year, so that I can be wide eyed and in wonder and have that soul radiance come through, and have that joy come in. That's a practice, that's a practice, but at least on my birthday, I know that I can show up that way. I really like that. Just that it's that practicing to show up fully. I kind of want to, like, return to the moon, you know, it has phases. It's not a full moon every night. It's not like, boom. I mean, my glory. Look at all of me. It's like, it does it once a month, and then at some point it's like, I need to hide away, but it's still showing up. It's just like, you know, I need a little quiet time. I need a little quiet time. I'm going to be a little dimmer, yeah, but it's, but it's always showing up as best as it wants to. And I feel like that's, you know, too, too often. You know, we diminish ourselves for various reasons. And it's, I think it's yeah, it's about this, yeah. What if I don't diminish myself at least one day a year, I'm gonna show up fully, be me, bake the make, possibly make the bigger ass. I'm curious. Support us. And that's the thing that's really important for everybody. It's a gift because they're like, Oh, I get to be of service exactly, and I want to be because it's your birthday and you're special on your birthday, I want to show up and support you with that. So that's, that's something that people need to understand, is that people want to be happy for you on your birthday. People want to give to you. Sometimes you just get in our own way, and we sabotage our birthday Joy subconsciously or not, because we don't know how to receive that kind of good energy, yeah, and that, yeah, that joy is contagious, like multiple ways, from other other people helping to celebrate and from the ones being celebrated, like it's, it really is kind of a cool thing when it's sort of just allowed to cross pollinate and yeah, into fruition. And I'm curious, you know, since you spend a lot of time in bars Barcelona, any are there any differences that you've noticed or heard of in how birthdays are celebrated? Because I know, when I lived in Germany for a bit, you know, usually in the in the US, it's people, people bring you all of the stuff. But I believe in Germany, it was, it's the responsibility of your when it's your birthday, you're the one that's supposed to bring the cake for everybody. Like it's on you to bring the cake and serve it to everybody else and all that and all that stuff. So it's like, it's kind of flipped, and sounds a little curious, if you've noticed maybe, or in other parts of the world, or things like that. Of some it's like, well, that's different, but is it? It's still in the spirit, it's still, you know, I haven't spent my birthday here in Barcelona yet. I don't live here full time. I'm just able to come and go that time to various times of the year. I just celebrated a friend's birthday, though, and it was very normal. It felt very familiar. There was nothing unusual about it. You know, you go out to lunch, you go out to dinner, and the cake comes. I mean, the only thing that was a little strange is they brought out the cake. We were actually to launch lunch is a big meal here in Spain. They brought out the cake, and was like, old, sparkling cake, and nobody sang. And I was, I was filming my friend, you know, but it was like, like, where's the song? Like, why aren't we singing? That was the thing that was a little strange to me. And so I sent the video to my friend afterwards, like, here's the video, and I should have started singing, but I was just sort of, I was following the lead of the of the Spaniards that were at the table whose culture was, didn't I didn't start, you know? And she said, Yeah, I thought it was strange that nobody sang to me, but she'd gone out to dinner that, you know. So, so, so I was correct in acknowledging that something was a little off there. But yeah, she would not still blow out the candles. Yeah, she well. One of those sparkler candles like almost like a firework. So she just watched it dwindle down. She didn't even know it. So it was a little strange that way too. But that night, at dinner, she went out with her family, and they sang to her and she could blow up the candle. So the traditions felt very similar. But what I liked what you said about the custom in Germany that you bring your own cake. I was just on a podcast the other day about aging and about what are some things that people who are older can do, especially if they're in a assisted living community and no one who they know is really around. I didn't say this on the podcast, and I'm excited to say it now, because an idea right afterwards, which I actually write about in a different context, but bring your own cake if you're in a situation where, let's say, junior year abroad, you know, and you don't know very many people, you have some some schoolmates, invite them over for cake and you supply the cake. In other words, you don't know enough people to start enlisting them and inviting them to help you celebrate, but you can invite them over so that you can celebrate yourself with them, and you'll provide the cake. You provide the beverage, you know, the festivities and all of that. But I think bringing your own cake is actually a good way for people who don't have the same kind of maybe social circle of others that'll do it for them. So don't just because someone's not there to bring you a cake. Doesn't mean you can't have cake. Doesn't mean you can't have cake on your own, you know. Doesn't mean you can't go to a restaurant and tell them it's your birthday so that they can birthday so they can bring the cake to you. You know, there's all sorts of ways I think the cakes really important. I really I don't, I don't eat cake very often, but I love it on my birthday. What's your favorite kind of cake? I'm like, Oh, I think I kind of remember you do list. But for our listeners, what's your strawberry it's like, strawberry cream cake. It's just, you know, you get that white cake with the strawberry and the cream is just so good. Oh my gosh, really good. What I like about your suggestion of, you know, if you're somewhere new, with new people, like, you know, well, supply the cake, supply the structure. Because I think a lot of, a lot of times people are get afraid of just like, they don't want to, like, mess something up. So it's like, if they don't know, like, especially if you're not from, from there, more new they're just like, might be like, Well, I don't know what this person likes to because, you know, Germans have this. They're often known for being like, kind of cold, like that. They're, you know, the little standoffish. And you know, when I was working there, my manager, who was actually, who was Norwegian, he wasn't actually a German. He explained to me, he's like, Well, Germans, they're, they're actually very friendly. Just they want to give you space to get acclimatized. So when you're ready, you come and say, like, I'm ready to do it, and then they're going to be all over you, but they're just going to give you time to get settled and do your thing. And I found that to be so yeah, because they're actually a very, a very warm, considerate people, but it's sort of like, if you're not aware of how their consideration works, and that they're they're giving you space so that you can do your thing. It might be like, well, they're just cold and they're not friendly, um, but, you know, it's, I think all cultures kind of have those little cross things. But usually when you go like, Hey, here's, here's what's going on, here's how it works, and here's how the thing, I think people are going to love to show up, no matter what it is, it's just like, hey, I'm celebrating my birthday. I'm gonna have a cake. You know, all you got to do is just show up and I'm gonna have some drinks. And sure, just about nobody will say no, no to that. If they can, they can make it kind of love that. That's right. Well, um, I'm trying to, I'm trying to think, like, So what inspired you to do the the workbook, which I'm it's one of those, I was like, Oh man, I can't wait for my birthday. I wish it was, I wish it was sooner, because I like, I want to do this workbook and go through and answer the questions and set the intentions and figure out what, what do I really want, and what's important to me, what was sort of the inspiration for doing the the workbook aspect? Well, the so the book, How to Have a Happy Birthday, has the workbook in the back. It's it, you know, and there's the questions, there's not a lot of room for writing, maybe a little bit. And I realized that for people to really, you know, people don't like to write in a book, but they will write in a journal format. And so actually, creating the workbook as a stand aside companion to the to the book, allows people to dive deeply into the questions that are very thought provoking, that are there to help you uncover what your resistance might be to your birthday, whether it's childhood experiences that were painful that shut you down to the birthday joy in the subsequent years, or is it your fear of aging and what you're losing As you age, and some questions around that, because listen, as we age, we change. And a lot of people, I hear women, especially when they turn 40 and 50, they don't want to be celebrating their birthdays. They don't want to acknowledge they're a year older. And I think that's really sad, because there is power in aging. I'm 59 I love getting older. There are side effects to getting older, your body starts to change, and you get certain aches and creeks that weren't there before, and that's just, you know, as I like to say, I'm driving a 1966 model vehicle, and I'm going to be driving that 1966 model vehicle till I die, and so I better keep it tuned up and keep the tires inflated if I want it to be comfortable, a comfortable I want a comfortable ride at the end of my life. Yeah, but you know, aging is a big thing in this culture, and there's a lot of shame, particularly around women, around aging, that we lose our value, we lose our worth, we lose our beauty, we lose our place. And I just don't buy it, and I think that for all of us that are afraid to name our age, we are unconsciously condoning a cultural myth that prevents women from maintaining their power as they age, and men too. And so I would suggest that for those of you that feel that are resonating with what I'm saying, allow yourself to you know, name your age. I know a lot of our generation does already. I mean, I know that this, this age shaming, is changing as as our generation and those below us are aging, but at the same time, it's still a very prevalent issue for many people, this fear of getting older. And so in the workbook, I talk about that, and one of the questions is, you know, what are some things you don't have anymore that you had when you were younger. Like, let's talk about that. And is there a way to reclaim those things, or are they do we just have to feel grief and say goodbye to that version of ourselves and move on. But let's, let's pull it out. Let's have that conversation. Because a lot of us don't realize that we actually feel grief that we are no longer our younger selves for a variety of reasons and and yet, at the same time, there are so many benefits to aging. I am so much more confident and comfortable with who I am at the age of 59 than I was at the age of 29 I don't want to go backwards. And, you know, there's, there's, there's just a lot of power to be mined as we age. And I believe, though, that it's up to us to empower ourselves. Nobody gets to define my power for me, regardless of what my age is. And so there's just, you know, that's just one area that I talk about in the workbook, but there's other things even, like, like, okay, you don't know what to do for your birthday. Name, you know, name three places you would like to visit that are within a two hour drive. Name three people you would love to spend time with that you don't normally see name your three favorite cake flavors, like, just start listing out some stuff. And then hopefully, by the time you're done working on this workbook and investigating what has been your pain point with birthdays and what you can do to make them better, you actually get some ideas like, Oh, I get it this year I want to take a little mini road trip and go over to the next town with this one friend I barely see that I love and come back and have my favorite cake. And you know that there's ways to sort of map out and think about with intention what you might want your birthday experience to be. So the workbook has actually been really helpful to some people. I've been hearing back. It was published recently on my birthday, actually, so it's just been out a couple months. But I think it's something that that if people are interested in having a happier birthday, this workbook is a great way to to help, and you can do that. We don't have to read the book to have the workbook be useful. By the way, the workbook can be a standalone ideally, you are reading the book, because there's a lot of insight into the birthday experience that might give you some aha moments about yourself, insights, ideas, possibilities, yeah. And then there's also so many like, Hey, be on the lookout for this, because sometimes when we have a habit of having a challenging birthday, we might be like, Okay, I'm done. I'm ready to have a good birthday. But I don't know. I find, like, with anything in life, the universe is often like, Are you sure, here's one more chance to do, to do another round? And, yeah, yeah. So birthday chapter two is all about the birthday blues, and I write about this idea that you know, for those of us that don't like our birthdays, there's reasons for it, and that there's ways that we sabotage our birthday joy in the days and weeks leading up to our birthday. And so I really want to call attention to those things that we do sometimes subconsciously, so that we can be mindful of them and say no. And I love it that you had something very intense and significant happen two days before your birthday that really was, like, whoa. Really big deal. And you could still put up some healthy boundaries and just say, okay, and just for today, I'm still going to find my joy and manifest and make my joy. And you also even talk about how, like, you know, sometimes not everybody in your life that you would like to be on board with your birthday is going to be on board with it. And, like, how to, how to handle that, because is, you know, like, my father has never been like the best at my birthday, and he in this he was, like, it was even less so, but it's a little bit like, that's who he is. And then he also, he's got a lot going on with, you know, the TRad, the tragic happenings that had just happened. And so it was like, I, you know, I didn't have those expectations for him at this point. And so then it was just sort of like, well, any little acknowledgement, then it's like, oh, well, that's just a nice extra. Or it's like in the past, where it's like, where's my big gift, and the this and the that, and it's like, wow, this is, yeah, I'm happy to hear you say that, because a lot of times and naturally, we do have expectations that people will show up for us a certain way, especially our parents. And when that doesn't happen at any given point in our life journey, it can be painful and heartbreaking, and give us messages that I must not be that loved, I must not be. That important. How could they not show up this one day a year for me? But what I'm hearing you say from a mature perspective, is like, Okay, I already know that this is how he is, so let me not have these expectations, so that I'm not setting myself up for disappointment and the birthday blues. So just we're gonna forget about needing anything from dad so that if something comes, that's great, but I don't need his energy on my birthday, for me to have a happy birthday. I'm reclaiming that energy, I'm putting myself in the center, and I'm going to father myself. I'm going to be my own inner father on my birthday, right? Yeah, it's a take. I'm going to take a responsibility for my own birthday, and it's going to be great because I'm intending, I'm creating, I'm putting the effort in, because I'm worth it. And then it, yeah, then it's, you know, it's going to be great. And then if anything gets added, great, but if the stuff doesn't happen, great too. Yeah. And you also talked a lot about being flexible and how to be adaptable, because even though there can be, like, weeks of planning, or, like you said, for some of these, like, bigger like, 40th, 50th, 21st you know, it's, it's like, things don't always go as as planned. And just to decide, like, I'm going to make the best of it, that's right, that's right. And, you know, the birthday energy changes is, is, you know, hour to hour. You know, I find in the morning, for me, I love my birthday mornings. Just love the promise of the day. And I find that as the day goes on, usually it's that hour, around maybe 4pm because I'm a wintertime baby, the sun's starting to go down. And depending on where I am, there's, there's always a bit of a lull in my energy and and I'm noticing that before then the evening festivities start. So I've learned how to work with just even the cycles of the day, to harness and to, you know, maybe at the four o'clock hour I'm home taking a little nap. You know, we're reading all the emails that have come in, or the Facebook greetings, or whatever it is that can, I can just take a little breather, you know, before I go back out there. So, but, yeah, every birthday is different, and flexibility is good, and every birthday teaches us something different. I love it that this birthday taught you stuff that you can't wait for next for the next birthday. I had that same experience, I know, especially, you know, when I wrote my book, it took me many, many years to write, because I would feel my birthday energy build, you know, November, December, it's like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'll have all this inspired ideas come to me, and then my birthday would happen, and I'd still write. You know, I wasn't thinking about my birthday in July. Yeah. But what would happen is I would go through my birthday experience, and then it would be like, Oh, wow. This was a really, this was a really heavy birthday. Because, you know, one of my dear, one of my best friends, who's my cousin, was diagnosed with cancer a few days earlier, and another beloved cousin had died by suicide a couple weeks earlier. I mean, it was really heavy. And so this idea that I was going to be jaw be jolly and upbeat, it's like, well, I'm going to try, but folks, I've got a heavy heart, and so let's acknowledge that. And I wrote about that in my book, and I actually on that birthday, I wrote about that particular experience, because we don't know what's going to happen on our birthday, but at least we're showing up for ourselves and we're doing our best. And some birthdays are just going to be shitty. And if they are, that's okay, let them be what they are. Move on. There's always tomorrow and there's always next year. There's seasons to the year. There's, there can be seasons to our birthdays. There's, can be the shitty birthday season, then there can be the the most amazing birthdays. And there could just be the the right, right, just right, allowing them to be with because, like, Yeah, I like that, that they each have their their lesson for us. Yeah, and it's really the we get the most lesson out of it. The more we the more we show up. You know? Yeah, sometimes it's like, just because we don't get what we think our intention is doesn't mean that we're not actually getting whatever it is, the gift we're I love how you kind of mentioned that you give some ideas on how to craft the birthday wish. Yes, so, yeah, maybe, like, speak a little bit about, like, the how to craft the birthday wish. Because, you know, some people talk about manifesting, or, you know, setting goals, right? It almost doesn't matter what. But I think this, like, can help in any of these arenas, you know, whether it's the new year's resolution, but like, how to put out into the universe, what the fuck you want? Yeah, yeah. Some great. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for asking. I love this question. You know, to me, the birthday wish is your gift from the universe. You know, if it's the most spiritual day of our year, we're really in alignment. The universe is really opened the spirits, whatever, whoever, is in alignment with the word. It's all right there. So let's use our birthday as a way to wish for what we want in the coming year. And unlike a New Year's resolution, we're okay. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna, you know, eat healthy or whatever. It's not like that. This is really like, you know, your birthday is a way for you to take stock of the life you're living and to ask yourself, Is this the life I want to be living? And if it isn't, I mean if it is great, and if it isn't, what do I want to change in the coming year, just the coming year, to help get more into alignment with what I want and the kind of life I want to live. So let's say I want to be let's say I feel lonely. So a lot of us feel lonely, right? The more connected we are online, the more lonely we actually feel. So let's say I'm noticing that I'm feeling alone and lonely, and that my birthday wish might be, I want, I want a more of a social life. So rather than saying, okay, my birthday wish, I want a more social life, let me before I do that, let me think about, really, think about ways, you know, instead of having the universe just bring friends to my front door, what are ways that I can become more socially active in my community? You know, one of the things that I've I've done, which was just instant community, was I went and volunteered at the local foster group in San Francisco, mutt Phil senior dog rescue. Love them. They rescue senior dogs. They do great work. And when I've shown up to volunteer and I'm sweeping the piss off the floor, you know, mopping the piss off the floor, I was just delighted because all these dogs are running around, and there's people coming in and out, and we all shared a common purpose, and I didn't feel there was no way I could feel lonely in a situation like that. And so let's think about ways that we can get more actively engaged in the community around us in the society. And then think about my wish is to to welcome more social opportunities, so that new friends can come into my life. But instead of saying, I want to have a more let's say the wishes I want to have more friends, yeah. Instead of keeping it saying like that, say thank you for the friends that are, that, are that are that are in my life. Thank you for the friends that are coming, starting with some gratitude, yeah, starting with some gratitude, yes. Thank you for helping open up my world to be more social, and letting new people come into my world through those ways. And so it's a co creation. You know, you're putting it in present tense. It's like, I will be social one day. You're not saying I will be one day, because that one day is always going to be in the future. You're saying thank you for this. You know, opening to being more social today forever, right? So putting in present terms and also being offering up the gratitude, because you're thanking some force in the universe that's going to help manifest. Help manifest that for you. You know you're co creating with your higher self. You're not, you know you're not solo on this journey and acknowledging that there is some higher self at work there. I think I always say I love, you know. And I call my higher self all sorts of things, and I use the word God all the time, and I love, you know, whatever words of the day I choose to use to reflect spirit, I love giving credit to spirit. When good stuff happens, you know why? Because Spirit loves being acknowledged. Spirit will do all sorts of things for you. They just want credit. Why? So that you can trust that you so you can trust spirit even more to help you. If you can't point the finger and say thank you spirit for helping me, then you how do you know, to ask spirit for more? So gratitude to spirit to help you have the life that you want to manifest, I think, is a really important ingredient. And it's one of these because, you know, I know some of my listeners are, you know, everybody's at, you know, different stages of their spiritual journey, and some people are still very much in the like, you know, what I see and what and so sure, even if it's even if it's just like, Oh, it's my it's just my intuition, or whatever that is. But, you know, it's like, I don't, I don't move the sun, you know? So it's like, whatever that is. Like, I can ask that, and then if it works, I can ask again. I can thank it. All these stuff, you know, in my life, what really matters is, does it is, does it work for me? Like, if it doesn't work for everybody else, but it works for me like, I'm gonna do it. And I encourage everybody, like, if it works for you, do it. If it doesn't, if it works for 99.9% of people, but it doesn't work for you don't, don't do it because, because living our personal lives is different than setting public policy right, we don't have to live our life, like it's going to be for everybody, you know, right? We can have two different things. Like, there's stuff, I would say, Yeah, that's probably bad public policy, but I'm going to do it in my own life, because it works for me. Yeah, I love that, yeah. So I would definitely encourage people to, you know, play with these like, what if? What if it was true? Because we know, and I just want to give you a and so on my birthday a couple years ago, I'm just going to tell you the power of the birth. Power of the birthday. Spirit on the birthday. Spirit is in full glory on your birthday. So I was, I was with four people on my birthday, and actually there were five of us, and we were playing a game for the first time. And you have to play 13 rounds of the game for it to be a COVID game. There's a game of luck, where, you know, you pull the card, and then choice about which card you keep and which card you pass on and but you have to pull the card to get this, one of those kind of things. So luck is involved. So we started, I never played before. We played, it's my birthday. We played, and I won the first hand, oh, it's my birthday. The birthday spirit's alive. And well, I won, ha, ha, ha. We play a game. I won the second hand. Yeah, oh my goodness, what look we played the third hand, and I kept winning and winning and winning. I'm kidding you. I won 11 out of 13 of those hands. Wow, nobody could believe it. I'd never played before. Nobody could believe it, but I could, because it was the birthday spirit. I knew it was birthday magic. I knew. Who it was, and I was so happy I got to demonstrate it to the people at the table, because they were sort of like, you know, oh, tomorrow. So cute. You know, she believes in these things, but actually it manifested right in front of everybody's eyes. And how did I know it actually did? Because two days later, when we played again, guess what? Out of 13 games, I won one I wasn't winning on a streak anymore. So it was birthday magic, no doubt. So pay attention for the birthday magic, and it can even come when you turn on the radio, whatever, whatever you listen to, turn it on randomly and let it sing to you. It's amazing what kind of songs will come through the radio on your birthday to sing, just you to you, songs I haven't heard. I remember one year it was a song I hadn't heard in years came on the radio and it just made me burst out crying. And then the next birthday, it came on again, and I hadn't heard it all year. I mean, it was really like, oh my gosh, you're totally telling me something, right? So there's little miracles all throughout the day that if we can open ourselves up to them and allow ourselves to believe it's birthday magic operating on our behalf, it just raises our energy more and our capacity to believe in these invisible, invisible forces that have our best intentions at heart. I love it. And I mean, there's, there's science actually, to back this stuff up. You know, where you know, it's how we what we're looking for determines what we see in the experiment, like the old quantum physics is basically, I think it's a photon of light. If you try to treat it like a wave, it'll behave like a wave, but if you try to treat it like a particle, it'll behave like a particle. So it's like, what is it? It's like, well, what are you what are you looking for? Wow. And you know, there's since been more studies on bigger things besides just a photon of light, but it's like, our our consciousness impacts the world around us. It's and so it's like, if it works on these small things, and there's like, I know you probably have heard this universal principle as above so below, as within, so without, yeah. So it's like, if it works at the smallest level, it's like, why wouldn't it also work at the at the biggest levels of, yeah, the things that come into our lives, and that's why I think it's really important to celebrate our birthdays as well as we can. Because I, you know, I believe that when we have a happy birthday, a truly fulfilling, meaningful Happy birthday, and I'm talking meaningful and fulfilling. I mean, you know, there are some of us that crave more depth in our lives and more fulfillment on a deeper level, and others that are like, I just want a party and have party and have the cake and the gifts, and that's it. I'm not looking any deeper, and that's fine. We're all different. But for those people that are craving something more, when you allow your birthday to be a portal for you to experience more alignment with your higher self, more alignment with your self love, more alignment with your joy, it actually heals you, and when you become healed just a little bit. It makes you a kinder person, and it makes the world a better place, one person at a time, one happy birthday at a time. I love that. I I don't know. I feel like, for me, that's a that's a good place to to end on. I don't know. Is there any any last, any other last words you want to say? Because that was just beautiful. Yeah, thank you. Um, you know, I just want to say that for everybody listening, I know you're going to have the range of listeners right here, people who are birthday avoiding all the way up to the birthday positive. No matter who we are and where we are on that spectrum, we can all have a happier birthday. It just takes planning and intention and creating the space for us to turn that energy up. And I invite everybody on your next birthday, whether it's near or far, to give yourself permission to play and experiment with your birthday energy and see what it can do for you. And I promise you, I guarantee you, that you can have a happier birthday. I love that. And it's really is, yeah, it was just one day. Can shift, you know, your whole year. It shifts your life. And honestly, when your life has shifted, the world has shifted. It just, it just is. It just is. Try to have the same world when you know you're having more joy and more love and more connection in your life, and you know just all you got to do, you're only asking for people to put this work in for one day. That's all you're asking for. I love it. I love the simple ask just one day one it's not even 1% of your time. It's less than 10% that's right, that's right. You got to plan for it so it's not, you know, you're not going to wake up on your birthday and say, Okay, now, what am I doing? Plan for it. So you got to put some prep hours into it, for sure. And I do believe you need to, but it's just one day that you're going to experience it well. And the easiest way to do that prep is with tomorrow's how to have a happy birthday, or and, or the companion workbook, which is also handy, so you can just, you're allowed to write in it. She said it's okay to write that's right in the workbook. That's the purpose. So go to how to have a happy birthday.com. For you know information on how to get the book. I think you also have, like, some other tips that are available in there, so people want to dip their toe in, but it's got the links to Amazon and all the other places to buy the book. So definitely do it, and we'll put links to your social media in the show notes. So good to have you on. Thank you so much for helping me have an even happier birthday, especially during you know, what was I. A challenging time, so thank you so much. So glad to have you on tomorrow. Thanks Justin, thanks for the warm welcome, and I'm delighted we could have this conversation today. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with Justin Wenck PhD, today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Your feedback not only supports the show, but also helps others find us and start their journey of emotional and energetic mastery. You can also help by sharing this podcast with someone you think will love it just as much as you do together, we're engineering more amazing lives you