Climbing Emotional Mountains: Tools for Inner Peace

Another possible title for this episode was "Bananas & Boundaries", but the mountain metaphor won out for this show that delves into the art of maintaining emotional equilibrium when the world around you feels overwhelming. Using the vivid metaphor of glacier hiking, Justin illustrates how to support others without losing your footing and emphasizes the importance of discerning when to assist and when to step back.

Key Highlights:

• Embracing Equanimity: Discover techniques to remain composed amidst external turmoil.​
• The Glacier Hiking Metaphor: Understand how emotional support parallels the dynamics of navigating treacherous terrains.​
• Setting Boundaries: Learn the significance of recognizing when to help and when to preserve your energy.​
• Building Your Support Team: Identify the importance of surrounding yourself with individuals who uplift and stabilize you.​
• Mindfulness Practices: Explore methods to anchor yourself in the present moment, fostering clarity and resilience.​

Takeaway: Equip yourself with strategies to traverse the emotional landscapes of life, ensuring both personal growth and the ability to support others effectively.​

Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'

These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.

Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love. 

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

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Transcript

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We're all not necessarily going to the same place on the same schedule in the same way, and we got to respect the different journeys that we're all having. It's not your turn to fall in the crevasse. It's your turn to basically stand strong, stable ice, and somebody might be tugging on you. And you got to discern, hey, is there something I can do something about or do I need to, like, cut them loose? Or do I need to, you know, just put a pin in it, you know, and let them, let them hang out for a while. Here's how you handle that. Are you ready to live a life with enough time, money and energy have relationships and connections that delight you? Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing. If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades. I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. It's time for engineering emotions and energy with me. Justin Wenck PhD, welcome today, I'm going to be talking about how can you handle the craziness that's going on in the world, and maybe with some of the people around you, either new people, strangers or people you've known for most of your life, I've been experiencing this. A lot of people I keep running into are experiencing this, and I hear this everywhere. I'm just like, oh, it's seems like the world is bananas, as the profound philosopher Gwen Stefani said bananas, B, a n, a n, a s, bananas. So how to make a banana split or a banana smoothie when you're presented with so much bananas? That's what we're going to be talking about today, and this could be possibly one of the most impactful shows you watch or listen to. So if you are watching this on YouTube, thank you. And if you're not subscribed, please do and thank you if you already are so happy to have you here. And it's also possible that this might be the episode where you're just like, I'm out. This show Justin puts on is not for me, and that's the case. This show is not for anybody. But if you do listen and get this message, and you're like, oh my gosh, I get it, now, you're going to be in and you're going to be having a much more enjoyable life with much bigger impact, impact. Probably, I know a lot of my listeners that are already doing big, big things, yet this can shift so much in your life, those around you, and possibly even those you may never even meet or experience. That's how profound what I'm about to share with you is. So it's, how do you find that state of equanimity? I believe that's how you say the word, but basically that like that composure, that balance, that neutrality in the face of craziness, of all sorts of triggers or turmoil or traumas, how, how, how, how. That's what I'm going to be talking about today. And I've gotten so many opportunities to to practice this. So that's why I'm like, Okay, I got to share this with with you guys, my listeners, because I love you. I love you guys. I want your I want things to be easier and I want to be more enjoyable. But I truly believe that we're not meant to be, you know, working hard and having to grind all the time doesn't mean there isn't going to be work. Doesn't mean that life's not going to happen. Just we don't need more than we've we're already going to need to experience all right, it's a big thing. Of what my book engineer to love is about, and what this podcast is about is, how can there be more joy he's in love in our life. So I recently was at a lunch gathering. And I was like, Oh, this is going to be great. Because this was a, I was told, this is a highly curated event in Silicon Valley, with people that go, go to all sorts of tech events, or in the tech industry things like that. That's what I that's what I was told. But this group would be, you know, of more conscious, more aware. Those that you know have their kind of, have their shit together. They're not just there going, like, I don't look doing B to B sass. Can I sell to you? Can Do you have, do you have a job for me? Do you have this so that, like, we can make more money and go public and IPO and, you know, doing got 100x this and that, that, and all those, AI, I love those people. I don't, I don't enjoy being around them. So I was like, Ah, this is gonna be great, like a group that I can just kind of be myself with, relax, kick back and enjoy. Turns out, there was, there was one attendee who was kind of like a late ad. Yeah, by the by who was hosting, and so was not actually part of the the curated group of, sort of like, you know, the the host who was putting together the group, but wasn't actually the host of of the gathering, if that makes sense. And so there's one individual where it was like, Oh, shit. This is not going to be relaxing. I am, I am now. I'm now working basically, but I'm like, I don't want to work that hard. So basically, this, this individual she had, she should have issues with her mother. And have you ever realized that sometimes you, you know, start talking with somebody and they say they have a problem. They say they don't want it anymore. But if you're really paying attention, they have their problem because it's theirs, and they own it, and they're not ready to let go of it. It's, it's, it's part of, like the family treasures or something like that. It's, it's like some, you know, old, shitty relic that's been passed down generation to generation. And it's maybe it stinks, maybe it's ugly, maybe it takes up a bunch of space. And just like, why don't you get rid of that thing? And it's like, well, but it's been, it's been here for so long. This is mine. This is mine. It's part of who I am. People usually can't say it like that, but that's just kind of like, okay, I guess, I guess you like it. And that's how this woman was with with her problems, because this group of people is brilliant. People do it a lot, have a lot of experience. Maybe them coaches, you know, do therapeutic works, in addition to all things they maybe do technically and in the business world and philanthropy. And at one point, I just had to be like, Hey, I understand this is like a challenge. Just I didn't come here to coach somebody, and I don't know if anybody else here did. And I'm also curious, I know that probably many of the people here would be able to solve your problem in an instant, if you wanted to. Yet, if they did offer that, would you actually be open to that? Would you actually be ready to lay your problem down? And it was, it was amazing. You know, the the woman with the problem didn't, didn't hear that at all, and just was just kind of didn't, didn't hear me, which I wasn't surprised. This is why I don't coach people unless they want to be coached. You know, I didn't always used to be that way, but now I'm very much like, Hey, do you do you want this? Do you does this because I don't want to, I don't like to waste effort. Part of having an easeful life is recognizing when your efforts, when your energy, are going to be fruitful, and also recognizing when they're not. So that's, that's one of the first things, is to check in on and then. And I was like, Okay, that's cool. But I was like, hey, if the group wants to keep going this way, that's fine, but I just want to check with the group if this is what everybody wants to do. And the group was just kind of like, did what most people do. And I think this is sort of a little bit of showing how maybe we have, at least here in the United States. And I'm sure those of you listening in other parts of the world have seen how the United States is going. Is it maybe the leadership just kind of, you know, just Does, does what they want without really checking in. Hey, is this what everybody wants? And most people just kind of go like, you know, I don't, I don't want to be rude. I don't want to be rude or mean, so I guess I'll just sit here and take it, and then I'm gonna go bitch and whine and complain fucking afterwards, which is what a lot of people do have been doing. It's like the day the day to use your voice was Election Day, or there's lots of ways to use your voice productively, and I've noticed a lot of people just like to, you know, they don't do things when it can be productive. They want to. They want to have their problem, much like this woman, have the problem. This group of people, in some ways, wanted to have a problem person that they could just, you know, throw stuff at and be like, I'm being nice. I'm helping. Look at me, I'm doing it's like, no. I mean, you're being nice, but you're not being helpful. Being kind is to go, Hey, let's see what's going on here. Is this what we want to do? Is this helpful? But then the group was like, Hey, this is what we want to do effectively. And it continued. And so this is where it gets onto what the next thing is. This is what you can always do. So there's so first thing is, is to check in and ask hey, is this to speak up when you do see something or feel something? Because if you're uncomfortable, probably other people are too. So if you have the voice and the ability and the capability to do so, then do so, and it doesn't matter you know what you look like, where you come from, if you feel like I got there's something that could be said, and I think I can do it then, do it now again. Be discerning. Be wise. Maybe there's nothing to say, maybe there's nothing to do, and maybe even if you say something, maybe it won't do something in that instance, but it is having an impact, because I heard from several people afterwards that they were so glad I spoke up and at least kind of said, what a. Lot of people were feeling and thinking. So here's the next part of you're in a banana situation. Somebody's off the rails, just like, complaining, complaining, complaining, and they just continue to want to have their problem is that you just sit there and work on being at peace. So that's what I did, is it's like, this woman would say things and I'd just be like, That's bullshit. That's awful. That makes the sense. But then, because I was working on breathing and being there and being in equanimity, occasionally she would say things that I'm like, Well, that makes sense. That's brilliant. I don't have to just judge this person just, you know, blanketly, I'm actually able to be able to be in the moment and be able to respond accordingly. Instead of just, I'm just reacting based off of maybe something that was said that I didn't like, and then now I'm going to react negatively to everything again. Do you think some of the things happening in this world that you turn on the news when you know you hear about this and that and whatever that maybe if you were in a state of equanimity, if you were calm, if you were neutral, you could respond to what's actually happening, what's actually being done, what's actually being said, as opposed to just losing your shit. So one metaphor that I want to bring up that I think this is going to be a real big game changer. So I want you to pay very close attention, because this is effectively what I was, I was doing during this little lunch gathering, is when a group of people wants to go hike on a glacier. So I've never actually done this. So if you're someone that goes glacier hiking and actually knows this, and I'm really fucking up this, you know how it works and things like that. By all means, let me know in the comments, message me so that I can, you know, maybe learn something. But I think you're going to forgive some of this, because it's, it's more about the metaphor to paint the picture of what we're doing in situations like this. And again, this lunch situation was with a group of, a group of people that you know, very educated, very resourced, yet even the most resourced, capable, aware, we all have our moments. And this is, this is where this metaphor becomes very key. So when people go hiking on a glacier, they there's a big possibility of walking along, walking along, and what looks like solid ice, solid ground is not It could just be pure snow, or it could be thin ice that then would break as soon as somebody steps on it, and then you fall into a crevasse and die. And I love saying crevasse, because it's got a little us, and it's got a little craw crevasse. And so people that go hiking the situations, they know this is an inherent danger. And so they will, they will link up. They will tie to one another, so that if the first person falls down, the people remaining behind are there to hold anchor and pull that person back out and at this, at this gathering, effectively, it's like we are a group of people. And you know this one woman is effectively, you know, having a challenge. We all have challenges, right? That's that that's equivalent to a fallen fallen down the ice, possibly going to crevasse. And we're there with our string, with our with our chord, whatever it is. And it's like, we got you. We got you. Now in actual, you know, Glacier hiking, the person who falls wants to get the up out and is going to be willing to help to, you know, come up. So it's like the people that didn't fall pull and the other person is gonna, you know, do what they can to help get the fuck out and human experience, human interaction. The person who has fallen into the crevasse does not actually always want to get out immediately. The big important thing is you got to recognize this and respect them for this desire, and let them have the experience. Because there could be some cool stuff in this crevasse. There could be, you know, something to learn, something to gain. Maybe there's, there's some diamonds or something cool in there, like I, you know, I don't know. You don't know what's in each person's crevasse, which is each a person's emotional turmoil, pain, sorrow, whatever it is. And so when somebody's in that and they want to stay, you got the respectful thing is, is to not force them out, because they will, because they want to stay, they will pull you in. And I'm sure you've had these experiences with people where it's just negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, and doesn't matter. They want to stay negative, and they're more than happy to let you get all negative. And this doesn't help them, and it doesn't help you. So what's what do you do? So you know, one is, you know, sometimes what's necessary, if it's like, hey, we can't pull the person out, they're pulling us in. Hey, we got. Cut the line and just let this person go. Sometimes that's that's the best thing. It's challenging, but that's the thing, because the way I look at myself, the type of ice explorer I am, is I'm heading to a top of a mountain, and my goal is to go to some terrain that's never been done before, and to find ways that it's going to be easier, so that people can just more easily walk up this path, without having to fall into crevasses and things like that, that there's going to be a path that's created, that's curated, that's easy to get up higher on the mountain, so then it can just be a place, a place to enjoy. Now there's always going to be another mountain. So the way it works is, you get higher up on the mountain. That enables me to get up there, and then I go a little further, and then somebody else goes even further. Then that's that's what the human experience has been will continue to be for, ideally, a long time. That's the way I see it now. So sometimes you gotta, like, cut somebody loose and just let them be in the crevasse, and they'll either find their way out, or they're not. They're a capable human adult. So this is, I'm talking about adult humans with all their cognitive function. Alright, that's limiting it to that, and you might That's cruel, but it's like, Hey, I got a job to do. I got a purpose here in life. And I'm sure you do too, and it's not to just stay in the shit. I've been in the shit with plenty of people for plenty of, plenty of years. Another option is you can, kind of like, you don't have to just fully cut them loose. You can kind of like, cut them loose and put a pin in it, and you can go up and then you can check back, and maybe they're ready to come back out. Maybe they're like, they've had enough of that, and like, okay, as enough of that. Like, all right, let's, let's go adventure and back up that mountain. I'm ready for you, right? And the thing is, is, so that's when somebody doesn't want to come out. And the thing is, is that each of us is gonna fall on the crevasse. So that's why it's important to have a team with you. And ideally, you have more people that they are focused on getting up that mountain, and they don't want to be in the crevasse. But we're each we're each going to kind of take turns at like falling in, and we're going to take turns being the ones that are able to provide that stability to help pull somebody out. And so I had a great opportunity with someone close to me where they had a lot of challenging stuff going on, and some tears started flowing, and I was in a space where I was just able to be there, hold space and physically hold and allow this person to just to just cry, to just be, to just express effectively this person, they'd fallen in the crevasse, And I'm like, I got you. I got you. And, you know, they the crying, the emoting, the whatever is sort of like dangling, getting your feet, whatever, and then it's like, you're ready, and then they come on out. And what's great is they're out. And, you know, then a couple days later, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm, I'm having a lot of emotion, a lot of stuff's coming up, and I had my therapy appointment. And so my therapist, he's, he's, he's a man on my team who's, you know, we're, we're chained together as we're all going up, going up this glacier mountain, and it's like I've fallen in, and he's there to hold space for me. He's there to hold the line, make sure I don't go in too deep, that, you know, I can, I can be in there, do what I need to do, and then get on out, and then begin. So it's really you want people on your team that they're, they're heading up the mountain in their own way. And you want to be able to hold each other at different times, to pull each other back up, and not everybody's wanting to go up the mountain at the same pace, the same rate, or even wanting to go at all right now, and that's okay. So if somebody's not wanting to go, they don't, they don't have to stay on your team that's heading up the mountain. So you kind of just respectfully, you let them stay where they're at, and maybe you can check in and see if they're ready, but if not, hey, don't judge that. Don't judge that. That's just not for you, but maybe that's for them, and you don't even know what you're missing at because maybe there's so much amazingness, so much so much growth, so much learning, so much depth that they are getting in their experience. And who are you to take that away from them? Who am I to take that away from them? So having the respect to let people have their experience, while also having the respect and love for yourself and knowing like what experience you want to have and find your co travelers that are going to allow you to, you know, sort of take turns of taking the lead, where you're likely to fall in, and then you're going to need the support to get pulled back out. And then it's going to switch where somebody is going to be taking the lead, somewhere they're going to fall in, and then you're ready, you're the one that's able to we're in this together. We are in this together. Yet we're all not necessarily going to the same place on the same schedule in the. Same way, and we got to respect the different journeys that we're all having. And so when you're somewhere and it's like, it's not your turn to fall in the crevasse and you're it's your turn to basically stand strong on the stable ice, and somebody might be pulling, tugging on you, and you got to discern, hey, is there something I can do, something about? Do I need it pull out? Or do I need to, like, cut them loose? Or do I need to, you know, just put a pin in it, you know, and let them, let them hang out for a while. Here's how you handle that. It's very, very important. You want to, you really want to have some practices where you're able to notice, you know that you're you're having an emotional response, and able to, like, Bring yourself back into the present moment, and you're not going to let your your emotional response, your anxiety, your monkey mind, to go, just go and run down to that crevasse, run into that pit of what's going on with somebody else. So practices where you're able to come back to the present moment of what's true, what's now. And the only things I've done other episodes that are true, that are always going to help you come into this place of equanimity, neutrality, of resourced ability, is getting in touch with anything you're experiencing right now. So that's, what are you seeing without the labeling? Just like, oh my gosh, I this. I just see something in front of my eyes, and just noticing it with all the depth and attention you can or, what are you hearing? What are you feeling? What's your breath like? So just the pictures, sounds and feelings without labels, but just putting your attention and just like, oh yeah, putting your fingertips together, and just oh, I can really feel, I can feel the ridge of each of my fingertips, or taking a breath, and just like, Ah, I just, I could Hear my breath. I can feel that the heat or the temperature difference as it goes in and out of my nose, and I feel my chest expanding or contracting, just getting really into what is happening right now, because that is true, the emotions, the thoughts, the opinions, the quote, unquote news. It's just like anything else on TV, just like anything else you might read. There's they, they're stories. And when you come to this place of truth, you recognize that you are the writer and the editor, the director, whatever you will, of the story. But when you just sort of like allow something to go, you've given up your control, and you're allowing somebody else to direct your life. And the more we each direct our own individual lives, the more we can support each other, and the more we can each make it to the mountain top that we are meant to go and witness and do something and that enables other people to do their journeys so much more easily and joyfully and amazingly. So really be curious how this is landing for you guys. Like, is this something you can, you can implement? Is this something that you could actually, you know, let people go for a while, or maybe for the rest of your life, or just allow them to have their reaction without really getting into the pit, getting into the crevasse with them. And then, do you have the people in your life that you know that you can fall into the pit that allow you to be, you know, the front runner in whatever you're meant to be going for? And so you you're not afraid to fall because, you know, hey, these people got me. Because if you don't, then maybe let's work on that. Maybe reach out, contact me, and let's, you know, maybe I could be one of those people for you. Or, you know, find somebody. Find multiple people I have. I have multiple people that are on my team that I know they got me if I fall into the pit. So then, when I'm someplace where I'm like, I think this is going to be leisurely, and someone falls into the pit, I can go all right, I'm not going in there right now. Maybe I'll go later when I got my team, my team with me. I can be part of somebody else's support team, but I'm going to be discerning of, hey, is this something I can do now, or does this person just need to spend some time here? And it really is the most loving kind thing you can do to anybody on this earth is to let them make their own choices. Because if you let others make their choices, it empowers you to make your choices. And I want you to make the choices that are best for your life, and I'm going to make the choices that are best for my life, and then we can collaborate and do amazing things together. And that's, to me, what it really is all about. So with that, I'd love to hear what you're thinking about this topic. If you're, you know, all in, ready for more stuff like this? Or if you're like, I'm not, I know, Justin, I don't, you can't. This is horrible. If you think it's horrible, don't listen anymore. Like, go do something else. Like, this is not for you. This is either for you or it's not, like, if you're not getting something out of this that's making your life better than, like, go do something else. I don't want, I don't want to hear your bitching. I really don't. I don't if it, if you got something and we can work on it to help get you out. Let's do that. But if you just want to stay down there, I'm not coming in with you. So I'm not, I don't want to hear about a bunch of complaining. But if I want to hear you, know you're like, Okay, how do I how do I do this? How do I work with this? I'm curious. Or, yeah, let's hear that. So with that, let me know. Thanks for listening. Do you remember to, like, subscribe all those things, and with that, take care and good day. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with Justin Wenck PhD. Today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Your feedback not only supports the show, but also helps others find us and start their journey of emotional and energetic mastery. You can also help by sharing this podcast with someone you think will love it just as much as you do together, we're engineering more amazing lives you.