Reprogramming Pain: Turning Triggers Into Treasures

In this powerful episode of Engineering Emotions & Energy, Justin Wenck, PhD, appears on the analog airwaves in a raw and real conversation with Tonya J. Long on her RESET Podcast(https://www.reset-podcast.com/)  that originally aired on 92.9 KPCR. Justin is interviewed about navigating identity, status, and loss. From the early days at Intel to founding a practice rooted in love and curiosity, Justin shares how depression became his unexpected path to purpose. With humor and wisdom, he reflects on how letting go of what we think we need can open space for something greater.

Key Highlights:

• Justin's transition from engineering at Intel to emotional engineering and authorship.
• The trap of identity and how loss can actually lead to liberation.
• Why comparison kills joy and how to reclaim your inner power.
• A practical three-step breathing practice for self-love.
• Technology's role in well-being and how to reclaim its purpose.

Connect with Tonya J. Long:
RESET podcast - https://reset-podcast.com/
https://www.instagram.com/tonyajlong/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonyajlong/
https://quantumcrow.ai/

AI and the New Oz: Leadership's Journey to the Future of Work - https://a.co/d/5IjH6sE

Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'

These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.

Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love. 

Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.

Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Connect with me:
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Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.

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Transcript

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All right, so today we have a very special episode where I'm the one getting interviewed. So Tanya invited me on her radio show and podcast in studio, where I get to be interviewed. So you get to see me, kind of like, kick back and share some important things, mostly on the topic of loss, and maybe you've experienced loss, or maybe it's happening now, or it will. There's all kinds of loss, from people you know in our life to positions to status to objects. There's all sorts of forms of loss. And I found that each time we lose something, it's an opportunity for us to invite in more of what we really do wish to enjoy in this life, and definitely stick around through the whole episode. I do share a really cool practice of super easy, super simple, so you can feel like really good right now, and if you stick around to the very end, you're gonna get a amazing behind the scenes. Treat of what? What did people talk about before they go on the air? What's going on before you know those FCC regulations kick in and you there's certain things you can't say. What? What are people talking about? So we got a little fun of that at the very end of the episode. So thanks so much for being here. Hope you enjoy this special edition of the engineering, emotions and energy podcast with Justin Wenck as a guest on reset with Tanya long and the highest form of power is the power within. Oh yes, power power with power within, because that's about agency and choice and people choose. I'm circling back to loss. A lot of people initially will look at loss as Justin, as taken from them, instead of what it makes available for them. When we experience loss, it's who did this to me, it's something, someone's where it's really it's like I'm part of this, like I was part of this. I might not have been aware, but when step back, it's like we're often part of the loss. Are you ready to live a life with enough time, money and energy have relationships and connections that delight you? Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing? If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades. I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. It's time for engineering emotions and energy with me. Justin Wenck, PhD, hello and welcome to reset with Tanya here at kpcr, 92.9 and gorgeous Los Gatos. It is a beautiful, sunny, bright blue day, and the forecast for tonight is Justin. It's dark. It's gonna be dark tonight. I have been absolutely worthless getting ready for this session because Justin and I go back, what, at least 11 months now, and Justin always balances things out with a heavy dose of humor. So I am here today with Justin Wenck, friend, fellow. You're a fellow in so many ways. You're a fellow author. Actually, do you have your book here engineered to love? I do for those, those watching on the YouTube or the wherever? Yeah, yep, two years hard to believe. Time flies. Hard to believe. Two years engineered to love. And Justin also is a very experienced podcaster with his podcast emotions engineering. I think your podcast name is energy engineering, emotions and energy. So you got that E alliteration going. And as a southern gal, I love my alliteration, but you know, we're here to talk about your resets. And so as I introduced Justin, just a little Justin's had plenty of resets. He got a PhD in engineering and went off to do the deep tech work with a big company name in the valley that's been around for 50 more years. That's Intel. So you've been at several engineering tech companies, but the role that I most equivalent you to is Intel, because then you launched from Intel, you were delivering yoga classes at Intel that made you a little different as a senior member of the engineering team. And then you went on to open up a practice where you are engineering emotions. That's the name of your company. And then you wrote a book on engineered to love, which I think is remarkable. I'm going to be stereotypical when I say this. Engineers don't talk about love, and you do, and you're talking about all kinds of love of self, love of family, love of purpose, and it's just very impressive. Thank you so much. Tanya, yeah, it's great, great to be here in a real radio station. I haven't been in a radio studio since I was in college, and so funny, the call letters are on kpcr. And the last radio station that I got I was on, I was college radio. Was Cal Poly radio, Cape CPR, so it's the same letters just just mixed around. I think they were 92.3 I could be wrong, maybe. And it was great getting to come in here and listen on the way in. Did you know that this station can be heard up to three miles away? That was about how far away poly thing? No, yeah, it was about three miles away when I finally could get my car to actually tune into the station. So a little tip for the management is, you want to put that transmitter up high, like on top of the desk or something, so it can be so we can tell us about that later. Because I because, actually, our station director took a little weekend trip down south, close to SLO, where you, I think, went to undergrad, and he was able to pick up the station. I shouldn't be. It was like Paso Robles. It was, he had, there was, he was so excited. There was such great range, I don't know. Oh, maybe, as I'm coming from the north and the coast here, so it's different, yeah, maybe, maybe I'm teasing. I'm having some fun. We're also simulcasting. It's on broadcast worldwide, on the web, because I was able to pick that up from home. And this is great to kind of get to get comfortable with the radio. So you've been listening to kpcr.org, yeah, I'm hopeful, like my friend in Tennessee, simply publish this ahead of time they listen and they send me notes. I wish they'd do likes instead of me private Facebook messages. I'll take any of the love I can get. Oh yeah, it's all good to get the love. And I often, I used to tell people that I'm a recovering engineer, but I do now feel like I'm a fully recovered engineer, that I'm human, that can do engineering, and I can there's so many things that I can do, and we all can do that. So it's often in these times of loss transition where things don't go the way that we realize we're so much more than we get attached to. So what prompted that shift for you? Because, you know, you made quite the commitment yet, till you went all the way to get a PhD in electrical, I think, engineering, yeah, and then the work of being in a really monstrously sized tech company, and then you took that yoga class and went, and what went in your own direction in that world. Yeah, what was behind that transition for you? So much of this transition was motivated by horrible, crippling depression, I would say, and what, that's what got me into yoga, meditation. Was when I was in grad school, I had some really challenging depression that forced me to go get help from therapy and even some pharmacology. And I was like, I don't want to be stuck with this stuff, like, what else is there? And so I got into meditation, I got into yoga, and that was and then about 10 years later, I ended up having kind of like another round around the COVID time, and that was really but I'd like to let people know that I feel like that era of the pain, the challenging emotions, the losing your job, the losing your relationship, the fear that, well, if I don't do this, then I'm going to starve, or I'm going to be a loser. I'm going to be a failure. I feel like those times are going away and we are moving towards the you do things because, well, that sounds fun, or I don't know that just delights my heart, and that's, I think that's where we're going, and it's going to be a shift for a lot of people that have been used to the old way of you wait until, oh my gosh, something's on fire. So I guess now I better figure out where I actually want to go, because I can't be here anymore. And so instead, you know, we're looking around and oh my gosh, look over there. Isn't that a great place to go? Maybe I'll do a radio show. You know what I think? Yeah, what do I have? You have a lot of things besides a merman shirt, besides a merman shirt, that is a great shirt you're wearing today. You have curiosity. You know, you and I live in a very intense world. The people that we that we are wired to be here to help on their journeys. It's pretty intense living in the Bay Area, and people often live in scarcity and fear. Yeah, and I'm guilty the conversations we have, but I am far from arriving at being better at this. It's a journey, but you really have a consistent framework of always being like that is so cool. What will that mean for us? Where I'm like, how am I going to make this work? And you're like, Oh, could think of all the ways to make this work. And I think that Curiosity has led you to happy. Yeah, everything is possibility for you. Yeah, because it really has been a How can I actually experience more happiness? It's been a journey, and there's a little bit of those. You know, the cliche of, oh, when all this time, and I found out that really what I had the whole time. You wrote the book based on AI, through the lens of the Wizard of Oz, where she kind of realizes, Oh, you probably know what the but it's she had it all along. And it's like, my source, yeah, my source of happiness is with me, period, end of story, and it's within you, and it's within each of us. And really it's it radiates the other way, like our outside is a reflection of what's going on inside. So it's everything around you sucks, because what's going on inside is pretty awful. Not good. That's the bad news. The good news is you can change it. You just got to look in and do the shifting. And there's. Lots of ways, lots of people out here helping those shifts. That's a hard message for some people, because, because all they hear in that is, it's my fault, I feel bad. So for me, for the way I receive people, and try to help them see things, to remind them it's their fault. They feel bad. There's a fine line, and people are such perfectionists out of here, out here, right? People that we consistently deal with have been talk of their game and everything they've done since they walked at age two months. And they are, they are very high achievers, intent and surrounded by high achievers. So the comparison, which I've always said, that comparison, robs us of joy, yeah, and it does. But I think that we I'm saying you and me, we have to get past just focusing on the message that you feel bad if you choose to, because people need help arriving at a different place, more naturally. What I would say is that for men, for many of us, and for many of you listening, that it's like things have happened to you that, yeah, and it's, it's not your fault, I'd like to shift it. It's not your fault. It's your opportunity, yeah, to shift it. It's, I was at a gathering, and there was an opportunity to be taught, like dancing and stuff like that. And the dance instructors that it was the woman had, like, this great accent, and she was like, now, just be like a baby. Just flow with it. Just be like a baby, and don't worry about things, let your body do and don't worry and things like that. And in so many ways, we are like babies. We like to think that, Oh, I'm an adult, and things like that, but it's like a baby. They don't know everything that's necessarily going on. They're still figuring out their senses and their capabilities. And we're continuously like that. And it's once we realize, Wait, I see what's going on. I see my ability. Now it's your opportunity, like before things were happening to you, but once you grow up. And the thing is, there's no timeline on this. I don't know, I keep I hear people talk about kids and nieces and things and so so and so's not walking yet or not talking yet, because there's all these developmental timelines. But on these types of things, of like joy, happiness. There's no timeline. It's like some people, they get it when they're a kid. Some people get it when they're an adult. Some people get it just before they die. Some people, they're not going to get it in this lifetime. And I'm not here to force anybody on any timeline, but it's if anybody's Hey, I think I'm ready, I'm curious, and that's when there's that saying the teacher appears when the student is ready. The teacher's always been there. It's just the teachers being patient. The teacher's there always. And what you're saying about timelines, I think, is pretty important, because everybody wants what they want right now, yeah, and there's plenty of history around us about the people that didn't pop until they were 50 or 70 or after five company failures. There's no shortage of metrics around people arriving at their purpose into the journey, whether it's in years or activities that were hard before they got to Nirvana. And so that's what I try to remind people, because we all think I'm working so hard, there's a little bit of I deserve this right now. Yeah, and you do, but learning is part of that journey. Yeah, and I get that. And towards the end of the show, I'll share something so that you're holding out, you're waiting. Oh, yeah, the code word, you're gonna ask me for this at the end. But you know, stick around for the initial I'll share something of how you can get what you want right now, because now is the only time you can actually get anything. People are not going to wait another 45 minutes for that. Well, I guess they can fast forward or there. It's all good. Let's go back to your dark days of engineering. Wasn't dark days. I'm sure there were things about it. But when did you not when? And how did you recognize that you needed to make a shift? Because I think you were in what many would consider an elevated place, a prestigious place, and you chose to move beyond that into something I wouldn't say it's radically different in activity. You still maintain ties to that, because those are the people that you help. Yeah, so that was part of your learning experience. But what helped you recognize that the discomfort was enough, you mentioned depression, but what helped you make a choice to actively do something different? It was, yeah, the sort of the pain of, let's see there I do something different, or why even be on this earth in this form anymore. And so once getting to that state of being, it really does create the gateway, because it's now, I guess anything's easier, because it's the alternative is just annihilation from this experience. And I just that was, I'll be honest, that always seemed like even more too much work for me. I'm just like that just seems like such a hassle to try to, is it? And so then it's and then seemed like, usually it'd be something where, I guess I could try this, there'd be, there would have been something that would have been sprinkled into my mind that then it's, oh, I guess I could, I guess I could go to this meditation place. I loved listening to Radio growing up like I listened to all sorts of talk radio and Howard Stern. And I just remember him talking about how hard his i. Childhood was, but the learning, like Transcendental Meditation, changed his life. And so that seed was, like, buried inside of me. And then when it got too hard for me, I was like, let me go look out meditation. And also he talked about going to therapy. And so, like, I could go get a therapist. And then once I got going, it was my journey has really been very incremental. It's never been the Tony Robbins school math, take massive action, do massive transformation, change things right now. See how big my head is. Like, your head can be twice as huge as you've got to change now and burn it all. That's not working. And it's like, that's doesn't have to be that way. That must mean that you've watched some of the the available content out there for those genres. I've, yeah, I've gone to those spaces. They they have their time and their place, and so some people, they do, but I found, for me, it's little incremental stuff. Just my first position in Intel was doing analog circuit design, and after a couple years, I'm like, I don't enjoy being around these people because they're not really all that human. Maybe I could try being around marketing people or just other like, sometimes just these like, little, tiny steps can have big changes over a lifetime of oh, okay, like, I could be around different people, and they'll have a different perspective, and then I need to use different tools or learn different ways of being. It's okay. I'm still technical, but now I've got to learn the some businessy stuff and think about how my message is being perceived, and how am I being perceived. And yeah, so it's just, it's been very incremental, I would say. So there really has been a journey over a couple decades at this point, and it's like, that's, I like to say that I've now figured out some ways that can speed that up for people, because that's one of the things like I'm really good at, is your experience and what you learned didn't work and what did work? Yeah, you can save people the time and energy, yeah, getting there. Yeah, love it. But if somebody wants to take two decades, like they can, but if they want to compress that into two years, you don't know how you do know how many, how many late, 20 year olds I've said, please go to therapy now. Don't get to be 50 and then do your good therapy and then have squandered 20 good years where you were doing relationships wrong. This is typical. It's typically. And you know who you are, if you're out there listening, I've said to people, go now invest money. I know you don't make a lot of money right now because you know of the place in life you're just getting started. Get yourself squared away so that you go into relationships whole and healthy, and you don't waste 20 years on pain from relationships, and I've got some good success stories under my belt of people who have done that and are just remarkably transformed and how they look at them at themselves, so then their relationships are more fulfilling and clear. Yeah, I'm gonna take one second real quick and do a quick station identifier. We are at kpcr LP, 92.9 in Los Gatos and sister station, kmrt LP, one Oh, 1.9 out of Santa Cruz. It's a beautiful day at pirate cat radio. We are here with reset, with Tanya, with my good friend Justin Wenck, my wicked friend, Justin wenny, that is a that's a reflection on our past. We, we did a podcast right before wicked was released back in the fall, and you were very thoughtful, because you you did the podcast at the timing you did, because my book was based on the Wizard of Oz theme. And then we went and saw the wicked movie The next weekend together, and it was a lot of fun, yeah, and I ended up really enjoying it musicals, not necessarily my thing, but as well done and fun. And I was glad I went. And it was very thoughtful of you, and it gave you a conversation point for the all the people that are in your life that would have Yeah, have you seen wicked? Because it was such a big release when it came out. Yeah, good. So something you said right before the the station Id made me write down finding your tribe, because you were you talked about shut goes. Hang out with marketing people, some with the engineers. I hang out with people that think and feel and act differently. So finding your tribe, I think, is such an important part of evolving, and I think part of finding your tribe is being willing to let go of what you have. Well, yeah, so did you have to let go? You let go of the identity as being a large public company software leader. You let go of that identity, yeah, it'd be nice to say that, Oh, that was such a conscious decision, yet real in reality, it was one of the chant, one of the releases that was a little bit thrust upon me. I like to say I was liberated from my job, but I was, I was part of a layoff, as part of a layoff, and it was one of, one of many in the past few years, gut wrenching experiences of just what happened. What do you mean? And yet, also, I've learned that in any and all loss, there ends up being so much more to gain. Because it's like absolutely say that again, in any loss, there's so much to be gained, because we just take the simple metaphor of right now, I have a book in my hand, but if. So let's say if Tanya had $100,000 she wanted to give me, I can't take the$100,000 from Tanya unless I'm willing to let go of this book. And I just dropped it. And I wonder if that showed up on these I don't know anyway, but it, it really is like we often always want more in our life, yet we never want to let go of anything. And it's at some point the universe, however you your life, you whatever will, it tries gently to go, this is not for you. This is not for you. But at some point it's going to get louder, more forceful, and that's sometimes when big things happen, like you get fired or a divorce or a breakup, or somebody dies, even, because I've experienced the loss of my mother, grandmother, sister, in like, the last three ish years, and it's also allowed me to really look at what are my relationships? And it's I'm so grateful for the relationships that have come into my life since these losses and things like that. And I'd say, know that it's a way of me growing and growing with them, even though they're no longer here, and I've been able to grow since I'm not at at a tech company, more the things I've been able to do and experience, even though I was able to do a lot without having to spend a lot of time, but it was still like, I'm beholden to who's writing the salary check. And yeah, and you moved, I think what you moved into, whether it was intentional or not at the time, has given you far more choice and agency, yeah, and what you do, and that agency, I think, for many of us, leads to better fulfillment and happiness. Oh, yeah. And there's probably many people out there that maybe gotten to things, and they have some idea of what it means to be successful in it. There can be such a gift and not being successful in something yet, because success can be such a trap. There's there's the term the golden handcuffs, but any type of success can be a golden hand. It's if you do something and all of a sudden you have 100,000 people that love that ver Can you do anything different and keep those people? Probably not. So that's going to be something even harder to let go of. So if you've gotten into something and it's it's not going, it's like you just might be building one of what might be required of a few skills before you get to your really big thing. And if you got too big too soon, it's it might slow that might actually slow you down. I've done a lot of things where I've, at times, been like, Oh, why am I not good at this? It's not, quote, unquote successful, and a year later, I'm like, Oh, I'm so glad that didn't work out, because I'm sick of that now, like we were talking about loss, and you and I have some of the same losses, identical losses in our lives. Divorces, a divorce each not the full even. Anyway, I digress. But being divorced is a loss. Losing a job we both done that is a loss. We both lost our parents. You still had your dad. Yeah, tremendous loss. And in engineered to love, you talk about being engineered to love and how that relates to loss, I should have prepared ahead and picked the passage for you to read. That would have been, that would have been very prepared of me, because you've got some, got some real zingers in your book. I do tend to like, yeah, good quotes come out. And luckily, some of them made into the book, because some of them, they just go out. And I think a recent one that came to me that I'm like, I think this is a cool thought was it was almost like the hierarchy of power, of like, the like, just power is actually the lowest form, then there's power with others, and the highest form of power is the power within. Oh, yes, power, power with power within, because that's about agency and choice, and people choose. I'm circling back to loss. A lot of people initially will look at loss as Justin as taken from them, yeah, instead of what it makes available for them, yeah? Because I think a lot of people look at it kind of how I looked at what happened after my first experience of drinking jungle juice in college. What is jungle so junk? Jungle Juice is alcoholic. It's alcoholic. Okay? It's alcoholic. Where I believe it's just you get a big container and you just start throwing in whatever alcohols and juices. You just mix it all up, and then you just scoop it up and drink it. Juice takes we had a name for that that was different, I forgot, but still, there's probably different names based off, you know, but it's just lots of hard alcohol and then lots of juice to cover the mask, to the burn, yeah, yeah. So to just it'll get you messed up, you might not even know, and then you've got all of this nasty, cheap, whatever, but you were partaking of jungle juice. I derailed us with, what is jungle? Yeah, so my first experience that I might have had a lot too much of that, and went to sleep passed out on my bed, and I awoken to a whole bunch of vomit in my bed Justin. And my reaction was, who did this to me? Oh, good story. Now you're okay. Who did this to me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, somebody. And I feel like, when we experience loss, it's who did this to me is something, someone's where it's really it's like, I. I'm part of this, like I was part of this. I might not have been aware, but when step back, it's like we're often part of the loss, and the loss can be is ultimately for our benefit, at least that's how I choose to look at and I think everyone can look at it that way too, because it's like we were saying, it's like you can't have something new unless you allow some space by letting some stuff go, and that has to do with relationships and things like that, like we can't it's i It's hard for us to have that experience of different forms of mother and father if our the mother and father that we grew up with don't physically go away like it allows a different connection to the the archetype, the energy, the whatever you want to call of allows it to get even closer to having a ideal, divine type connection to mother, father, when we don't have the messed up analogy, I'll share it, but we're on Public Radio. Yeah, it's more just, it's clean, but I had a somebody, I'll just say some. Somebody said something about after, like, my mother passed, and the way some inheritance things worked out. It was like, and this person's mother passed, like, when they were really young, and mine passed when I was older. It was just, Hey, is it fair that you get what you got? And I got what I got, feeling like he got the short end of the stick, because his mother passed when he was like a teenager, and so he's thinking that I'm so much better off because I had my mother, and then I got some other gifts and things like that. And I didn't respond to that, because I'm like, I don't need it. But I had a thought of, you don't know what it was like growing up with my mother, and for all you know, it was the greatest gift that this person's mother passed away when they did, because we don't know what's good or bad. We just have this assumption that, oh, it's better to have a relationship go till death, till we part, to have a mother and father live long and but sometimes, like maybe we're getting an extra special gift when they're not in our life, or they pass soon, like we there's so many more opportunities. It's different than what we think is what we're supposed to have. So that's what I Yeah, and that was being tame. So I'm sorry I like cautioned you before you started, but it talks about taboo topic of you're always supposed to go, Yeah, you should always be the mother is so blessed, and the father doesn't know. Some are not so great. And that's what you learn in therapy, right? Yeah, to not, not make up your inherited in such a way that it's not truthful about what you went through. What I decided in in my 50 year old therapy was they did the best they could, and that generation, they love differently children than the men I date now that are 50, yeah, that have kids. How they act with their daughters is not how my daddy acted with me. It's a different time. We've learned a lot about how to show love. The generation of our parents, they didn't have that they did the best they could. Yeah, like, I kind of like to think of it as, like, generations of the PlayStation game console that, like, exactly how I think about it. There seems to be this expectation on both sides that it's like the parent to child. Things should just be, there's some perfect whatever, but it's no these are like new generations of hardware and software. Yes, there can be a little benefit of where you you bring the older generation game to the new platform, but it's it's going to be missing a little something. It's not taking advantage of whatever. And so sort of like that, new generation is going to need its own stuff and be different. And it's like, you respect the older generation for all of it, because it let us get to the new generation. But it's like, you, we shouldn't stop growing and we shouldn't stop shifting. There's value in both. I'm thinking about the analogy or the differences I just articulated with the men that I date that have children. It's different, but I think there are, there's good and bad on both sides. With my parents, who I loved deeply. I learned to be resilient, I learned to be resourceful. I learned to be very independent and do my own things. I think this generation is getting a lot of hands on love, but with that hands on love, they're not developing the same levels of resourcefulness because, because that muscle isn't that muscle doesn't grown because it's like, Oh, let daddy do it for you. Oh, let mommy write a check and have that done. And people want to do good for their kids. The childless woman on the video recognizes let them skin their knees, let them grow, let them figure it out. It's amazing what kids will figure out if you give them the space. And a lot of parents are so deeply involved today with their kids, it's to them. It's abusive. If they're not like they're holding their hand, put the band aid on the knee every time there's a little scrape. And I think a lot of ways they're the kids get a lot of love, but they're not, it's not long term. It's not good for the long term, because it's not letting them grow. Yeah, I agree. But also shift a little bit that there's because it's interesting I got. To on a trip and got to see my good friend from high school who's got a 13 year old, nice and so just interesting, just like, observe, and there's a little bit of noticing that it's, I feel like a lot of the way this, this the sun is based off a lot of my friend, it's, there's a little bit of a 13 year old really wants to become an accountant, or go into it as an accounting major of so I because I think this is a little bit of where parents want to do the best for their kid based off the world as they understand it. Yet the world continues to evolve, and the that like resilience and things like that. It to me, I don't believe the world's going to be a world of scarcity. It's going to be a world of abundance. So that some of that things that were necessary, of how to scrape and hustle and all these things build our own tree houses? Yeah? Yeah. There's a little bit like, there's a reason, like, why humans don't have tails. I don't know. I don't know if we ever did or whatever, but there's some things where it's like, we're in a different world. We don't have these things. We don't so there might be some things that like you and me had to learn that I it could be just like, I don't know how to ride a horse 100 years ago. It's like, Wait, you don't know how to ride a horse. Like, how to ride a horse. Really, I probably could. It's gonna be rough. It's gonna be but we'll see your stories later. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of anyone born in the last five years, we'll never learn how to drive a car. We'll never learn how to drive a car because it just makes sense. There will be some, because it's fun. Old timing this. There's still people that, but it's now, it's, if you don't get help, somebody learn how to drive it's they're going to be not going to be able to engage in this world. But the way the world's going, it's like there'll be abundance of ways to get around in the world that don't require needing to operate it absolutely and so, yeah, good, good. So you mentioned the 13 year old, which is a great segue for me to do this next station identifier, oh, and I'll tie it into 13 year old in just a minute. When I say you are listening to reset with Tanya, with Justin Lee on kpcrlp, 92.9 out of Los Gatos and kmrt LP, one Oh, 1.9 out of Santa Cruz. And the connection to the 13 year old is that pirate cat radio here in Los Gatos is running a summer camp for radio broadcasting. So that's going to start in June. And I think that's a great skill, hobby, interest point. We're targeting 13 to 17 year olds for this summer camp. So look on kpcr.org to get more information. It starts in June, and gosh, I just think that would be really cool, because a lot of these kids are interested in podcasting. These are such relevant skills. And you and I know speaking skills are really important, and to give these younger people a chance to work on that, I think will be a brilliant way. Yeah, it really allows a lot of things from the speaking, communication and technology. Yeah, I'm excited about it. I think it's gonna be pretty cool anyway. Yeah, so back to what were we talking about. When last I jumped off the 13 year old bridge. I just know, speaking of bridges, the Dumbarton bridge, if you're heading over that right now, it gets higher in the middle to allow boats to pass through, and then it comes down so you can connect with the other roads. So that's your traffic report coming out of Thank you. Thank you. Kpcr, our listeners across the US needed to hear about the Dumbarton bridge, and they're now they're asking dumb Barton, poor guy who was Barton, it's just a it's just a funny name for any of some things. Dumbarton, you are right? So we've talked about loss, yes. Loss is really just a transition. You and I help people with say, yes. Tanya, yes, I got you to do it. That's awesome. But loss is just a transition, and you and I help people with transition. So the losses that you've had, and we've talked about the different not layers, but the different types of losses, they all come with different lessons learned. Yeah, and you've had several of those lessons. How have those things directly helped you to help others? Because you're not writing code so much anymore. You are. You're helping people recode. Yeah, how they think and feel. Yeah. It's the great thing about not having identity is it's so much easier to not take stuff personally. So I feel like the gift, one of the biggest gifts of any form of loss is, it really is a loss of any solidity to our identity, which I know a lot of in the world, is it's big on my identity is important. You can't tell me that. I can't do this, because I'm this thing. And I don't even have to say whatever the thing is you're thinking of, that's it. And as much as you love it or as much as you hate it. It's limiting, because I've really gotten to a point where I view myself as a human and unique, and then the rest are just kind of like attributes I can kind of play with. I it's like I have preferences, I have things I want to do, but that's like, for the most part. You tell me it's like Justin engineers are the worst thing ever. What. Shoot you tell me anything about Yeah, there'll be times that I'm I'll get pissed off or upset or whatever, yeah. But for the most part, I can get over that pretty quickly. And so it allows me to be of service more like had the great opportunity, went to this gathering in Florida, and I got to offer a workshop where I was teaching people how to turn their triggers into treasures with humor. I love it, yeah. I love it, yeah. And five of the people loved it too. Out of the seven that showed up and two that I had, the one guy that is just, he's I don't get it. It's just, I'm not getting it, like I saw this guy in a couple things. He's just the I'm not getting it guy because his brain, but he's getting it, and I don't have to force him argue, whatever. And then I also got the woman who's, I didn't actually get her name, but we can just say it was Karen, that she's just really attached to being frustrated with what she doesn't have, and just like what, yeah, and I'm just respect. I'm able to like respect and allow her to be who she is, where she is, and maybe some of the stuff I said, will those seeds will sprout later or not? Yeah, but it's, I'm gonna appreciate the people that got it and trust that the people that showed up that maybe didn't get it right, then they will get it. So I feel like that's been one of the big things, is I again, it's like, I appreciate, it's I always look for ways that I could improve, change shift. Like, afterwards, I'm like, ooh, if I presented it in this little shift of it, like, it might make it a little bit more accessible, whatever. So it's not about line. I don't have to worry about anybody else. It's not that. But it's, I'm not so worried that I'm not going to do my thing and I'm not going to say what I'm going to say, because it's like people are telling me some very challenging, triggering things of how this lesson I just got broken up with two weeks ago, and this is how he did, and this is what's coming. And so someone tell us, like, hey, pause, skip to the end. What's really going on here? Yeah, if I was still like, and it's one of my big identities, like, I'm somebody who's nice to everybody. That used to be an identity of someone who knew I was like, I'm so nice and so likable. Everyone needs to like me. That person can't truly help people when they need it, and it's not kind. We both coach loss even when it's not framed that way. Lots of times, when people are fear unsettled about some form of loss that doesn't necessarily involve a human transition and passing. It's the losses of jobs, the losses of marriages, those kinds of things. But I find that the loss of status the biggest, most complex and difficult loss to help people through, including myself. I've lived that that identity debt, yeah, and it's not easy to come out of. And what? Where's the oxygen tank that helping people see a different path after a loss that involves status is one of the hardest to bring people out of. For me, yeah, on. I that this is an issue. I think somebody's got to really want to be open to letting go of that. And I don't know if it probably just doesn't get on someone's radar until they've actually lost their status, honestly, or, Oh no, that's a very important thing you just said, yeah, it is never, in my experience, it is never on people's radar. Yeah, and it's the element of, I'm not suggesting people go around and prepare for loss, because you could spend your that's not the solution, but how people identify with accept loss. And in fact, even for me, you and I have talked about detachment, because I love that word, being detached from outcomes, yeah, but I am starting to transition my own thought processes, not just because detachment is passive and I am not it can be passive and I'm not passive. I'm switching my mindset more to acceptance, yeah, because detachment reflects to someone else, I don't care. I don't care. You can do whatever you want. I don't care. I do care what you do, but I accept what you do. And I think that, I think this conversation is parallel to the healing conversations that happen when people are dealing with loss of status. To me, I think how I would, I guess if I was going to define detachment, I would say it's detaching my emotional state from anybody else's actions or whatever, which is different than having boundaries. It's like I can still have boundaries. I'm not going to allow myself to get upset by what somebody does, but that doesn't mean I'm going to invite them back. Invite them back over for dinner again if they did something. Because the being angry, the being upset part, doesn't say no, and it often doesn't change the other person. In fact, often, it usually ends up allowing them to continue being who they've been and are yes and some sometimes just more more. More and more, I just end up smiling and being amused. And I know there's some people that they just get so frustrated. Why is this guy so like yesterday, I was at a group lunch with you weeks where you couldn't stop smiling, and I was the only one at the table who knew, yeah, up what that meant, what those code signals were there. I'll say that there are times where they're kind of like little pokes at the status thing. And I experienced this yesterday, because I think I was telling you before the show, I went to Calistoga, where they have all these natural mineral springs and things like that. Went to one place like this, and got a mud bath, which is great. This is why your skin looks so good. And just yeah, I'm I'm radiating. You are. You literally been grounded? Yes. And a bunch of my literally been grounded, but I'll bump mud bath, yeah. And when the procedure was open over there was a power outage in like the whole town, and that's funny. There was a woman who was losing her mind because she couldn't blow dry her hair. She's like, I'm supposed to go outside like this. How embarrassing. What, like, where am I supposed to plug this in? Is there anywhere is like, that's a bit of a form of loss of status, right? Of like, the status of being pretty her dignity was to be able to go out quaffed, yeah, for some reason, needed that. Yeah. And to me, I'm just like, I'm in a relaxed chill mode. Anyway, I think I can just keep chilling and relaxing. And I did for the next two hours, and then the power came on. It's like there was a pool. There's plenty of stuff to do. And yeah, so it's like people will sometimes get the world can status check you at any time. And so if you're if you ever get frustrated, it's like there's an attachment to status. But I will offer that there is a way to more proactively do it is to do something new, do something you haven't done before, because you're not going to have status at it. You're going to be you're not going to be good, you're going to have a hard time, you're going to be less than everyone else, and so notice what comes up. And so then that's if it's really frustrating, really challenging, whatever it's like, probably time to get some tools, get some practices, talk to some people. Because so I because I do believe that, like all of these times of loss and things like, they can be really awful, but they don't have to be as awful they can be it can be more easeful. It's a mindset shift. Yeah, you and I know, because the way we show up with people, you can take two people and identify the same calamity each of them, yeah. Some people are like, very interesting. Well, I do with that, yeah. And then other people are like, I can't the hair dryer doesn't work. Why am I ever going to get home? Yeah? Because, because, because me. I was like, Oh, the power's out. And even better, detox, like, now I don't have any Exactly. Now I'm just imagining a power had controlled water supply in terms of pumping it into wherever you were, and you would were in mud for the rest of the afternoon. That probably would have been inconvenient. Yeah? Would have been a funny story to tell. Oh yeah, yeah. My 20 minute my bath lasted three and a half hours because there was power, yeah, yeah, because a lot of things like the sooner you can get to 30 years from now, if you looked back, would what would you think about it if you could do that now, it's just skip to the oh, this is an enjoyable story on being a part of Oh, my gosh, yeah. That's an interesting framework to consider. If people have thought about, how do I turn this into a good story? Because this is a unique experience, yeah, so how do I turn it into a good story? We looked at things with that mindset. We might create a feeling of purpose in what is happening and enjoyment of it, maybe. So what the before I ask this question, it is time for kpcrlp, 92.9, is where we're broadcasting from, and sister station, km, RT, LP, one Oh, 1.9 FM, we are a public radio station, and that means that we build messages for the communities that we serve. So this station is in Justin was asking me before the episode, I would say is a very heavy, creative music itinerary set. And then they have some high quality talk shows like resa with Tanya. And there are some locally based talk shows where local business leaders and community leaders are profiled, so that the community learns those people this is a public funded, user funded experience, and I'm so proud to be part of it, because what we're doing, I believe, is a service to the people who get to be in This community and be part of that creative process. So you're grinning. I'm not gonna ask what that's about, but I'm gonna ask on this thread that we've been on around people accepting what happens to them, what do you think in all the experience you've had dealing with people, what are the themes that make people succeed? Successful at accepting or not being attached to outcomes. What are the characteristics of people who do that more successfully? I'd say that one of the things that can lead to success, or just more more contentment more often, is when it really is practice? I think there's often this, oh, when this happens, then that. But it really, really isn't. Life is not this, then that it's not. We'd like to think it's linear, because that's the mind. But the mind is really not who's in charge, or it shouldn't be. Can't remember whose quote it is, but it's like the mind is a great servant but a horrible master. And so it really is that the more you can practice with getting out of the attachment of what the mind is producing, because we don't get frustrated with how our heart changes beating or how our breath changes. It's often the thoughts run around, but the mind thinks, the heart beats, the breath breathes. Who is the one experiencing all that? Or what is that? That's the real, the you, that's the real me, and that's the real the real essence, the real consciousness, the real source of it all. And so the more it can get into that, and it really is just that noticing and going like, I'm going to, I'm going to shift my attention to something, anything else, because that's really kind of like what acceptance is, recognizing that there's something happening, and just going, this is happening, and I'm now, I'm going to choose what to do with it. There's usually a habitual response of somebody did something in traffic, so I now I express anger at them. Yet there's also the option of noticing, oh, this is happening. And I can now maybe notice, well, that was an interesting color of the car that cut me off, or that's exactly what I say. There's there starts to be truth forward. There really starts to be an infinite number of other things than the thing that is done over and over and over and again. We're often we're all so boring, really, so incredibly boring doing it with the same 100 things every day in, day out. This happens, then that happens. This happens then that happens when, and yet, we take ourselves so seriously. Oh my gosh, I'm the worst. I am Chief center and Saint for taking myself too seriously, but yeah, as you were talking a moment ago, I know that you've worked with lots of different people, which is such a privilege, right to have all these juicy conversations and transformations that you help to facilitate that you plant seeds in what are some of the tools or techniques for acceptance that you might offer to the people who are listening. Yeah, so thanks to everybody who's been sticking around since me of the show. Do we get it now? Yeah, I think this is a great time. I didn't mean to set that up, but I'm glad we did. Yeah, okay. Is because really it is shifting out of whatever you're it's like you're on a train, but you don't want to be on the train anyway. You can always get off. You can always get off the train, but it takes practice to get good at coming on and off the train. The train will always suck you back in, but it's just remembering that you can get off. And it really is just doing something that's right here, right now, in the present moment, like something I like to say, it's like getting to it the truth of now, because really, whatever we're experiencing in the here and the now, that's the only thing that is absolutely true. Anything you and I have said, it could be complete lies. Could be complete lies made up. The fact is, somebody heard it. That's true. There's no debating the so I'll offer there's three things to this, but if you only get one of them in a moment, like you're doing, great. So it would The first is to breathe, breathe deeper than you would usually breathe, so like inhaling through the nose and then exhaling through the mouth. So that's like the one other thing. And then the second thing is, when you're doing that, you can imagine that you're like breathing into your heart, like into the heart area, and then exhaling out to wherever. So just that's not a second thing is, it's like the breath then attention on your heart area. And the third is you can just be as you inhale. You can just say, I love myself. So just like inhaling, I love myself. And so if you just do one of the three things you're doing, great, two of the three things also good. Three out of the three. But I would challenge anybody, if you can remember, to do that at least once a day and do that consistently over the next three weeks, to probably notice some profound shifts, and the more you can do it. This is the kind of thing that like driving down here, that I can just do of just, I love myself. Just got cut off. I can't get the radio station on my dial. I love myself. It's coming into my heart, letting it out. Because how much better. Is that, compared to anything else that you're likely going to be thinking that's Justin naturally rattling around, it's I have self talk. Yeah, oh, I have the most awful, horrendous default self talk of judging myself. Of other people, I should have gotten the radio station thing figured out yesterday. And it's like, this person what? They're going too slow. That person's a maniac. They're going too fast. Person's driving a pink car for God's sake. Yeah, yeah, thinking, yeah, that's not even Mary Kay. Oh, you didn't earn that car that you know. Oh, my goodness. All right, thank you for that. Yeah, and when people are exhaling loudly on Zoom calls across America tomorrow will know that they listen to the podcast what you shared. Thank you for that moment of teach and reach. Yeah, yeah. And you're if you breathe in a way that people can hear it, that's a service to other people, because then they go, Well, maybe I should breeze too, like it can be, like, it can be, like, a real fun thing, because I think most people maybe are aware that, like, when you yawn it it causes other people to yawn, yeah, but that can happen, and it's just wait. I'm powerful. I just did a deep breath, and now you see, I notice other people breathing a little bit more deeply. We're so powerful to the world. Yeah, I love it, yeah. Speaking of service to the world, we haven't talked about technology at all. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it wonderful? Feelings. Talk about the kpcr radio camp for the teens. A little bit fine. Yeah, it's a stretch to say that was a technology I just wanted to sound like a great event that I wanted to plug again. Yeah? Well, thank you for the kids. You for that you've done improv. We've talked about improv. I have gifts, so thank you for all those gifts that you've given today. But on, on the Tech Talk side, what role do you think technology plays and well being or could play at the fun conversation? I'll answer this the way. I'll just say, I'll answer more of just what I think the role of technology should be period. The role of technology should be to service however we desire Period. End of story. So I hear a lot of people that have all these credentials and all these experience going I think technology and AI is gonna do this to us and that to us, and I'm like, I don't care. I'm if you can't say what you want it to do, you probably should. You know, go retire and not bother anybody anymore. I want technology to be here to serve us, so that we can enjoy our lives, connect with other people, get to be more artistic, live, live in a world of abundance, where we don't have to worry about doing things to eat, to have medical care, to have places to live. That's the kind of world that I'm putting in, that I'm creating, that technology is going to be here, that it's going to be the most incredible servant. It's going to be maybe like the fourth servant that's our heart serves us, our lung service, our mind service. And then technology is going to serve us. It's been backwards for way too long where we have been serving technology. It's time to end that. And if somebody is not about ending that, stop listening to them. Stop paying them the intention. They're a child. They're a child. We've let the kids run amok for too long, especially here in Silicon Valley and in other parts of the world, it's time for the adults to go, all right, kids, that was cute. We're gonna make this actually something that's gonna be really enjoyable for everybody? It's time for technology to be for everybody Period, end of story, and that'll just result in great wellness. I love it. What would be your number one tactical, practical tip? I'm talking about the real meat and potato stuff. Don't look at yourself on at night when you go to bed. Those kinds of which one resonates for you the highest, I would say one big thing is ignore the news as much as possible. Ignore as much news as much as possible. If it's really important, somebody will tell you, and then after that, as much types of digital detox. I think it is good to have a no phone from at some point, don't go to the phone right when you wake up. But oh my gosh, even just a four hour digital detox, it's it can be like quite white knuckling often, but you feel so refreshed afterwards. And then, if you can then do that for a whole 24 hour period, yeah. But again, start small. Okay, and build. Thank you. Start small. Make Improvements. Build. I could go on for another hour, but we're at the top of our hour, so let's end this with help our listeners understand how they can experience you. Get in touch with you the mediums. I know we talked about the beginning of the call, but let's let you recap that one more time as we close. Yeah, it's great to be here. Kpcr, 92.3 92.9 FM Los Gatos, California, you're hired. I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's top of the hour. We got to get the call letters out on fixed. We can get in touch with you on LinkedIn. So I'm Justin Wen. Think PhD on all the major socials, including LinkedIn, Instagram, all those things. Justinwink.com, is great to find. The podcast, stuff about my book, I have some free offerings there. There's yes that you can get you have an excellent meditation, I will say, because I called you when I did it. It was excellent. Yeah. Thank you so much for finding that, because now it's even easier to find there under the free offerings webpage. So good. And you're on the two year anniversary of your books. I noticed you had some programs going on for packaging with the book. Yeah. So it's like the 99 cents for the Kindle, and then everything's else is literally the lowest possible price Amazon would allow it to be. So yeah, all right, it's a gift to people to be able to read what you share and in the way that you shared. So thank you. Thank you so much. And yeah, I'm open for one on one, coaching consulting and then also giving talks to teams and groups and things as well. Then I hope we see more of you talking to teams and groups to make this a better world. Yeah, thank you so much. Tanya, so we have been here on kpcr, 92.9 92.9 FM in Los Gatos with sister station, kmrt, one Oh, 1.9 out of Santa Cruz. We are signing off with Justin wait and Tonya. Long from reset with Tonya. Have a wonderful rest of your week. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with Justin Wenck PhD. Today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. Your feedback not only supports the show, but also helps others find us and start their journey of emotional and energetic mastery. You can also help by sharing this podcast with someone you think will love it just as much as you do. Together, we're engineering more amazing lives. Shit, fuck, damn hell, shit, piss, comfort Cox. Cox like a mother a new one. Cox like a motherfucker. Tits, then George Carlin, then George Carlin added in fartured and twat and twat, yeah, okay, because twat announced that there's really no other George Carlin, he was, he was Justin amazing soul. Yeah, he really was. People remember his potty mouth, but he it was potty with a purpose. It was, he was profound, yeah, she was profound. Hmm, we're four minutes in. I'll tell him the world to wait, and then everything happens all at once. I should try to hide my water, because we don't want to get you in trouble. On Yeah, on video, yeah. Or actually, when he comes through there, he'll be able to see it, so maybe, okay, I'll put it. I'll put it on a chair here. That's on science. You This is Justin anything and everything, kind of a station. It's mostly music, mostly guys sitting here having reggae hour and playing reggae. And thing was good, oh yeah, and I heard them talking on the show before about laying down riffs or something, yeah, like analyzing the music, like we would analyze, yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, this is definitely not commercial radio stuff. No, it's not commercial. And I will do, you saw, I'll do breaks to do station, yeah, PSAs 15 mark, yeah, yeah. So it's just different and fun. Three minutes after the hour, 73, degrees. I usually do over the reports for I'm like, beautiful, sunny or cloudy, or Yeah, over forecast for tonight, dark. That's the George Carlin joke. I didn't know that one. That's funny. That's from when I can before his earlier stuff, when he was almost doing, like, more vaudevillian type, uh huh. Oh, my god, yeah. And you remind me of Jim's, the guy that I was hanging out with a lot when I was like, 2021 and he was a George Carlin freak. He knew all the stuff, hot water heater. Why do they call it that hot water doesn't need to be heated? How about a cold water heater? A hot water cooler? Yeah. Did he do drugs heavy or no? What's What was it? Did George do drugs heavily or No, I think he had did some, yeah, maybe he's the LSD stage, at least in the 60s and stuff like that. I think he did. I don't know what, when he got older, what he did, but close to popping, huh? Close. Oh. How do I adjust my volume on the cans? I. Look and see where you're plugged in, and then wherever you're plugged in, I.