How to Deal with Annoying People

Annoyed? Frustrated? Wishing someone would just stop being the way they are?

You’re not alone—and this episode is for you.

In this raw and real episode from the forests of Huilo Huilo, Chile, Justin shares two powerful tools for dealing with the most triggering, annoying, and frustrating people in your life — without losing your peace, your joy, or your power.

This isn’t about pretending things are okay. It’s about learning what your reaction is trying to teach you, and how to shift it into clarity, growth, and even connection.

💡 Key Takeaways

🙃 Most “annoying people” don’t know (or care) that they’re bothering you. They’re not the problem: your reaction is.

🧠 Tool 1: Curiosity. Ask: What’s really going on with them? Why might they be doing this? Curiosity helps disarm reactivity.

🔍 Tool 2: Self-Reflection. Often, what annoys you is either a part of you that you disown or a quality you wish you had.

🪞 Annoyance is a mirror. It’s not about them, it’s a chance to meet yourself more honestly.

🔄 You can set boundaries, take action, and still stay in integrity and joy. It's not either/or.

“The further you are from frustration, the closer you are to joy.” — Justin Wenck, PhD

🎧 Listen to this episode now on Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast platform.📺 Watch the on-location video episode on YouTube → Justin Wenck, PhD YouTube💬 Comment: What’s one “annoying” situation or person you’re ready to view differently?

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Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!

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Transcript

Justin Wenck: 0:00

All right, coming from huilo, huilo Chile today, going to be talking about something that is going to make your life a whole lot easier, a lot more chill and a lot more relaxing. And it's going to really build on the last episode we did, which was on valuing joy, which was the fifth best value to have of 2026 in our six part series, you are going to want to stick around for this show where we are talking about how to deal with annoying people. So with that, let's get started. Are you ready to live a life with enough time, money and energy have relationships and connections that delight you. Are you ready for the extraordinary life you know you've been missing? If so, then this is the place for you. I'm a best selling author, coach, consultant and speaker who's worked in technology for over two decades. I'm a leader at transforming people and organizations from operating in fear, obligation and guilt to running off joy, ease and love. It's time for engineering emotions and energy with me. Justin Wenck, PhD, I'm here in huilo, huilo, Chile, so this has been about a week the previous episode, I was in Colombia at a little resort called Punta Faro, on a small island about 50 miles from Cartagena Colombia. So already I've had a chance to visit Santiago pucan, and so now this is the second stop in Patagonia, in this lovely Biological Reserve called huilo, huilo, which I understand this. A lot of this used to just be an area used for timber, for the lumber industry, where they would just, you know, go take out the trees and things like that. And so now it's been turned into a Biological Reserve where it's about appreciating and getting to visit nature and letting nature do its thing, instead of taking advantage of nature, or whatever you might want to call it. And so it's been really, you know, wonderful to get to be here and see some very deep parts of forests and kind of in an area surrounded by a lot of volcanoes, and there's even a glacier nearby. Got to go on a really incredible hike. Yet, as amazing as all of this is, you know, during travels, inevitably, there's going to be people that can be kind of annoying, because just there's different people and getting frustrated, or just being tired or not being able to communicate, because I speak some Spanish, but my Spanish isn't great, and, you know, traveling with other people at times, so this is going to be really great for you if you ever get annoyed. And something I've had a lot of practice, because I used to be somebody who could find so many reasons to get annoyed with people, and now I just sit back and relax. And if something's truly important, something truly matters, I'll say something or do something in a way that still values my joy and also keeps me in integrity and also is respectful of those around me. As best I as best as you know me or anybody, can always be right. We can always learn to do better. And so there's going to be two big ways that you can deal with annoying people. Because really, the annoying people, they're fine. They are not at all annoyed that they are annoying. You most are not even aware, and those that are aware, that means they probably don't care, or or they enjoy that they are annoying you on some level, but the annoying people are fine. They are not annoying. They are not problematic. The problem is in the perception that you might be having with regards to these people, and the challenge is how to shift that perception, and maybe to shift what your options are and how to do with it. So I'm going to share two really important, super easy Well, in practice, it could be a challenging because again, sometimes we get in the habit of anything, and we can get in the habit of being annoyed. Because what there's a benefit to being annoyed. That means, if I'm annoyed, I get to be right. Somebody's wrong. They're not doing something the way they should be doing it, I know the way they're not doing it. So Okay, the first thing is that is because we've often talked on this show about the gifts that can be in any situation, and sometimes that is a really, really challenging place to get to when you're in the state of feeling annoyed and frustrated. So the first technique I'm going to offer you in dealing with annoying people is curiosity. Can you get curious about it? So one experience that I had where I found myself getting like a little annoyed with was in a car with somebody, and there. Just like, Can the AC, AC get turned off the can I turn off the AC button? And for whatever reason, I was just like, you know, I'm driving, and so I'm just like, what, what? What is it you want? Do you is, Are You Too hot? Too cold? What's the Is it too much air? Not enough air? What's the? Because for the past, like, 30 years, I haven't cared about that AC button in a car's heating, air conditioning, whatever. It's kind of like I just either I want a hotter, I want a colder, I want, you know, more blast, less blast. But I really don't. I think I remember when I was like a kid, and the cars were not so great. It was like, you're going up a hill and so always to turn off the air conditioner so that we just get the air blowing, but we're not running the AC, which is going to, like, strain the engine and maybe we don't make it up the hill, not an issue with any car in the past 30 years. So instead of getting annoyed, I just got curious, of like, well, when you say you want to turn that AC button off, what is it? What is it that you're wanting to experience? You know, I'm just trying to understand. So then I can kind of like, you know, because really, this is just a miscommunication and mistranslation. I have, you know, how my model of how these things works, and this other person had their model, and so it's like, how do we translate the models? And, you know, by getting curious and asking the questions, and sometimes you might not be able to ask the question of the person, yet, if you can just start to get curious and be like, what is it that they're wanting, or what is it they're seeing, or what is it their motivation? It can just be that one step past being annoyed or frustrated. If you're annoyed or frustrated, you're you're not going to be able to be in your joy, right? You can't feel joy if you are annoyed or frustrated, and so when you're at least curious, you're closer to joy. It's becomes a possibility, right? It gives you half a chance, which is super critical, super important, to have a chance at being, you know, getting closer to joy. So the further you are from frustration, the closer you are to joy. And so again, just by getting curious about what you know, what is somebody doing, what's their motivation, what's their understanding of things, this is a big, big step in getting out of frustration, out of being annoyed, being curious. That's the first tool. Now the second tool, the second tool is really, really great at learning about yourself and seeing where you might be able to grow and change. So if you're being annoyed by somebody, there's, there's kind of two things that can be happening that's kind of being mirrored back about yourself is, one is they are reflecting back something within you that you don't like about yourself. So for example, say, somebody's really loud and obnoxious and you don't like it. This might be because you are often loud and obnoxious, and you don't, you don't like that about yourself, and you haven't come to an acceptance or a way to deal with that part of you that can be loud and obnoxious. Then the other possibility is this is something where you lack this quality. You wish you could speak out. You could have your voice. You could take up space. This is something missing in you, and they're pointing it out. In both cases, your feeling was annoyed, frustration, yet it's showing something going on inside of you. And when you see like, oh, maybe this is something that I have or something I don't have, then you can kind of go, Okay, what's going on? Where's that coming from? How does this feel? And you can start to either, you know, with it's something that you have that you don't accept, start to just accept like, yeah, I can be a real rude asshole, you know, annoying fuck sometimes. And, yeah, I guess maybe I can accept that. Maybe I can, you know, work with that and be aware or utilize it in circumstances where that's a helpful thing and when it's not. I can try to see that I'm having that impact on people, but just starting to see shift that perspective and allowing that, that perspective that you have with yourself, to have that with the other the other person, right? This can often be very helpful when you're on a plane with screaming babies, because that's just what babies do. And there's times that I think all of us would like to be like a screaming baby and go like, this sucks. I don't want it to be this way. I want it to stop. And so that might be like, Oh, it's, it's something that I wish I could speak up about, or it's something I wish I could appreciate. That part of me give that a little care, a little inner a little inner care, a little inner love, and go like, yeah, I get it. I'd like to be screaming and frustrated and all that as well. So. That's the other one. Is seeing what's being mirrored back when someone's annoying. Like, what is it? And looking inside of you, what is it that I either go, Ooh, I have that so much. And maybe that's something I don't actually like or accept about myself, or maybe that's something I quality I wish I had, like, I wish, you know, like, if somebody annoys you that they're like, not speaking up there, you know, it's like, oh, maybe I wish that I could be a little bit quieter, a little bit more calm. It really can be any type of behavior, any type of action, any type of thing can be one of those two things. And so if you notice yourself being annoyed or frustrated again, maybe start with the curiosity, but then turn that curiosity inwards and be curious about, like, what's this bring up inside of me? Because if you fully loved yourself, if you were really, you know, really loved how you are, and were aware and willing to see that maybe you're not perfect, yet, you can become more aware and modulate and shift your behaviors and actions to be a little bit better or different. Is we you know you'll never be perfect, but you can always learn and grow and get better and better over time. Yet there's no reason to expect others to be perfect if you don't expect yourself to be perfect. Because, again, it's kind of this judgment. It's there's this big, big part of being annoyed, finding other people annoying is really it's all about being in judgment of other people. And again, this isn't necessarily about letting things slide and just being like, Oh, let anybody do anything. No, no. It's not about that. Because there could be situations where somebody's doing something that should be stopped. There should be a boundary. It's like, this is not okay, and something should be said. Yet it's decoupling. What is the discerning? What is the wise action? What is the wise response versus how are you emotionally cuz, when you value your joy, you can continue to have a joyful, balanced internal state of being while taking whatever outward action, saying whatever might be appropriate response wise, based on the situation, right? And so it could be, you know, very, very cutting, direct, you know, loud, but it's like you're doing that because that's what's needed in the moment. Because if, let's just say, like, somebody's about to, you know, get, you know, hit by something, and you're not going to just be all like, oh, you might need to get out of the way. You're going to you're going to yell, get out of the way something's coming, right? So there's times where loud voice, you know, show of strength is appropriate, but it's you know, are you coming from a place of balance, joy, calm, integrity, and that's sort of the differentiation of what, of what this is all about. So I'm really curious, you know, how is this landing for you? How has it been for you Have you found yourself often getting annoyed with other people, and, you know what? What are your thoughts? And trying one of these two techniques, the first one, just trying to be more curious about, you know, the other person, where they're coming from, what their viewpoint, what their model is, whether you can actually engage with them, or you're just sort of kind of mentally having this question, you know, like, again, like screaming baby on a plane. You can't, you can't talk to him. And if you tried, you would look like the craziest person on the plane. Hopefully, you would be the craziest person on the plane. Yeah, you can kind of go like, Oh, maybe, what is it like for that little wee being on this, you know, tube going through the air, and just having that curiosity can lead to a little bit more compassion. And then there's the Oh, what is the what is this annoyance signaling of a mirror in me? Like, what is it that either I resonate with that I feel like I do this a lot, or this is something that I don't like about myself, or what is this that's showing that I feel like maybe I'm lacking, or that I'm missing that I wish I could do, and from those spaces, it allows there to be a little bit alleviation in the the feeling of the annoyance, which gets you closer to feeling joy, which was, you know, if you've been keeping up with the Show, and I hope you are our last show, which was from from Colombia. We were talking about fifth best value to have in 2026 of joy before that was number six, was integrity. And again, you're going to want to make sure that you're following subscribing, because you're going to really want to get the next show, which is the fourth one, and I'm not going to reveal it until the show, just they keep getting better and better, and they're going to help your life this year be even more amazing than I hope your last year was. So thank you so much. Definitely make sure that you're subscribing, liking, commenting, sharing with other people. And I've. Still got a couple more stops in Chile, so there'll be at least one more show I believe, that I'll be able to record while I'm here, so that you can, you know, get the beautiful, just the beauty of the nature around here that is so peaceful and serene, and, yeah, been really enjoying it. And so make sure you're following me on social media and such, so that you can see when I get some pictures posted. And make sure you're subscribed on YouTube, because I'll be eventually having another Adventure Time video where show you all a lot of the cool stuff that have gotten to experience. Because yesterday did this amazing hike ended up being five miles, but the vertical climb was ridiculous, but got to be at this amazing summit where it could see like five volcanoes in various directions and a glacier. And it was just incredible, totally worthwhile. Just really interesting, because we had to drive about 45 minutes through some really, really rugged off road terrain that was originally created, you know, for the the lumber industry. So it's just always kind of interesting to see how things that you know, in some ways, there can be, you know, some destructiveness, yet out of that, you know so much, so much you know, beauty. And that's kind of what this episode is a little about. Is, you know, from sort of the, you know, the feeling of annoyance, it's really destructive to ourselves. Yet out of that, if we start to get curious, if we start to get inquisitive of our internal state of being, and, you know, of ourselves and how we are in the world, you can start to create some amazing things. And that's really what the show is all about. And what a lot of my work is, is, how can we create some more beauty, some more joy, some more ease, some more flow and some more incredible, beneficial impact. This isn't just about going and chilling out, although that's very important. It's about being able to chill and then also to create and to impact. And, you know, yeah, create whatever we're meant to create in this world, and I want that for you. And so thank you for being here and enjoying the show. Super excited to bring you more of this. So thank you so much, and good day. Thanks for tuning in to engineering emotions and energy with Justin Wenck, PhD. Today's episode resonated with you. Please subscribe and leave a five star review. 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