What is Emotional Labor and Why You Need to Know...

Episode 117: Today's session is a subject that was totally unplanned, however,  one that Vonda and Lori feel holds a lesson for most everyone. Life experiences sometime bring us to a place that we need to dig deep into an emotional situation to why we feel so deeply after an uncomfortable conversation. Emotional Labor is real and education and knowledge will help you prepare and not get blindsided!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Let me just stop because I think our listeners probably can detect it in your voice. This just happened, and Lori didn't sleep very well last night because she is emotionally drained because of this, and so that's why it was really important we did this today. Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

And Lori Wilson, and we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Hey Lori, it has been a whirlwind week, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Well, it has and it hasn't. Oh, it it did go by fast, but I am very, very wet ready for our coworker Ellie LaFever to get back. She's this week. And I think I speak for the whole staff that it is felt that she is gone for sure. I mean, you know, we love that she is able to take the week off. We've all been actually pretty good since 2021, each one of us trying to take at least some time completely off, which is something we don't do a lot. Right, right. Um, not because you force us, don't let us. It's just we just don't. So anyway, yes, it has gone by fast. I have been working on projects that I don't normally work on. So that's been kind of fun. And I know you have been working on a really big project.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

I have been. I mean, a few really big projects, right? One that was most top of my mind was trying to get the spreadsheet ready for our members that we do all the Mother's Day items on a spreadsheet, and then they can really check how many designs they want, and it tells what they need to order in flowers. And that is really mind-consuming for me, right? So that, but the satisfaction with our members that, like, oh my God, this is a game changer, then it's definitely worth it when I get those kind of responses. So that one is on the top, was on the top of my mind. But the one we've been working on for months, Lori, has been our new sympathy course that we have coming up.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Yes, I'm very excited about the sympathy course, but I do know, I think I've heard Ellie, because she's got to edit all the videos. I think she said there's like 50.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Yeah, she said there's over 50. You know, and some of them aren't long, but there's at least 50 videos in there. And it's Julie Poller. Ellie and I and Julie were on site and filmed those. We have Abby Chick from up in Virginia, who has done a lot of contribution to this as well. So we're really excited to get it out there because it's got a wealth of information. Yeah, we talked about it um in our member update last week or the week before.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

I can't, I think it was the week before. And um, so I just got bombarded with emails. What put me on the wait list? Put me on this wait list. What is it? What is it? Sign me up, sign me up, sign me up. You know, it's so funny how our members are. Um, but yeah, so you're working on that, that's gonna be what's the hopeful launch month for that. I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

I think we talked about the first part of April, is when we really were going to, and you know, it might not be something people jump on right away because they're like, oh, I gotta think about Mother's Day. But you know, if you're gonna be going out of town and you have an employee who has to take care of everything in the shop and they've not really been trained or educated on how to do sympathy designs, I mean, this would be the perfect course for sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

I remember being in one of these planning meetings with you and Abby talking about this. And um, part of her reason for really wanting to help do it is because she's had employees that are great new beginning designers, but there's some sort of mindset they had a fear of doing casket sprays or you know, eating funeral because they were so scared, and so that's kind of spurred her on to go, hey, what can I do to help?

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Yeah, right, exactly, exactly. So, so we've had that going on. You've had a lot going on too.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Well, I've been working on our email marketing, which we have for for members only. So if someone's listening to this, don't come at me if you're not a PowerPoint member because it is a lot of work, it is a lot of work, it is well, it's a lot of work because of the way that we're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

I think that's the difference. We really have a whole different mindset on on what that should be for email marketing for the flower shop to their customers. So I think that's the key. And then we're also preparing for Albany. We're good to see each other again.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

We are so today is Friday the 18th when we're recording this. But when it launches on Tuesday, we will be in Albany at some convention center, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Mm-hmm. Yep, we'll be in Albany, New York at the Capitol Convention Center, and it'll be Audrey and Katie and you and I. Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

And it's for the SAF Profit Blast. Yes, and we'll see. Just a Monday, right? One day. Yeah. So I'm excited for that because I do know we have members that are signed up.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

I know. I'm so excited. It's always great to see our members.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

And there's also, I was looking at the list, and there's names that people that are not members, but I've seen their name a lot in some of our webinars. So I'm excited to actually meet them face to face. So yeah, I've been working on content for that. I've been working on the email marketing, but so I want to talk to you about something today. You know me and my research and how I come up with weird things. Um, have you ever heard of the phrase emotional labor?

SPEAKER_00 6:02

I have not. I let me say I had not until you sent me this link this morning. I'm like, five minutes ago. I I had not heard of it, but when I read through this, it just is fascinating and it makes so much sense.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

It is, and I didn't send it to you because I believe my job can cause me to have emotional labor. That has nothing to do with it. So I started looking at this or kind of researching some stuff last night because going back to you saying this week, it's been a long week, it's been a rough week. I normally don't have a lot of like stressful conversations with people. I usually have more problem solving that re-energize me when I have those, but but I had a situation this week, and I'm having a hard time like letting it just go, even though I've thought it through a hundred times, you know what what should I have done differently? And it and it the bottom line is it's not about me, it it really isn't. And and so, but it caused me so much energy drain. You know me, I gravitate to things that re-energize me, and and what re-energizes me is not the same thing that does other people, but this type of thing, it's like it it completely drains me.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

And so let me just stop because I think our listeners probably can detect it in your voice. This just happened, and Lori didn't sleep very well last night because she is emotionally drained because of this, and so that's why it was really important we did this today, because right oftentimes we can't identify what it is what happened, right? What it is that zapped that energy, and I I can hear it and I can see it this morning, Lori. Yeah, well, because I've been up since 1:47, I've just been wide awake.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Oh I fell back asleep at like 6:15 to about 7.15. But other than that, so I'm sure I will crash this afternoon. So, in researching this, though, what kept coming to mind for me, I kept remembering every time one of our Flower Click members posts something in our members' group or even in our podcast group about a situation with a customer that was just angry and just about something that really was not the shop's fault, yet you have to just talk through it and do what you can to make them happy because you don't want them walking away bad-mouthing your business. And so that is emotional labor. Arlie Hotchild, I'm probably not pronouncing her name right, but in 1983, she coined this phrase, emotional labor, and she uses it to describe things that service workers, like employees, you know, any kind of do that go beyond the physical or mental duties, showing a genuine concern for customers' needs, smiling, making positive eye contact are all critical to a customer's perception of quality service. Sure. These types of activities, when they're essential to work or performance, are called emotional labor. So for someone like me, I'm typically happy 97% of the time already. So anytime I answer the phone or have a conversation, I'm I am usually smiling and I'm excited to go, oh, what are we gonna talk about? type of thing. But if you're not a personality like me, that's draining. That drains you so much quicker than it does someone like me. Two things she does to break this up. She talks about how we react. So surface acting and deep acting, which I thought was interesting. So surface acting is you fake, you pretend um by using a natural, artificial body language, verbal communication, smile, use a soft tone, um, showing emotions that we don't really feel. Right. So I'm sure we've all been there. Masking what we feel, masking what we feel. Let's let's give a situation here. Let's say somebody comes in, you've delivered flowers to them, and they keep their house at 82 degrees because they're always cold. And two days later the flowers wilt, they bring it in and they're mad. Well, you have to start surface acting, pretty much. I mean, you don't have to, but it's in your business's best interest, right? Right. To to figure out a tactful way, go, oh well, maybe it's it, but you know what? Let me replace these with maybe something a little more hardy and you smile and you make it okay. Um, we all have times that we have to do that, but when they leave the leave, you're kind of mad, right? Because you're like, I wasn't at fault.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Right. It wasn't my fault. For sure, it wasn't my fault, but I'm I'm trying to make a balance between making my customer happy and yeah, myself.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

So the deep acting, which I think is what I was having to do to go to this week, was you control your internal emotions, directing them to believe that you actually are happy, enjoying the interaction, enjoying the interaction with the other person rather than feeling like you're pretending, you convince yourself you're not experiencing negative reaction. And so that was a little bit deeper concept. But I believe in my situation while I was in it, like my heart started racing at the beginning, but I did some self-calming and started because you know, I'm constantly trying to go, okay, how can I make this better?

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yes, you are.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Can I be kinder? Am I not understanding? But it's when I'm off the phone and I rehash it and I even put things down on paper, that's when I start going crazy because I had to do some deep, deep acting there. I had to act like, oh yeah, okay, yes, let me check into that, knowing you guys are the ones that messed up. Yeah, you know, but thing I always think about how how do you, as a shop owner, business owner, because we're all gonna have these situations. It's part of adulting, it's part of working, it's just part of life. How do you recover from it?

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Yeah, because it says this leads to emotional exhaustion and burnout for your employees. So that's why you have to have one of those and a hundred of the others, a hundred positives, because if you had that all day long, you think of people who really are customer service advocates on the phone for any type of a company, and people are always calling, well, let's say Cox Cable. I mean, I've always had problems with my internet and this, right? You know, you're calling and you're on the other end of that line, and nobody's ever had when they call you, it's like, how would you like to do my cell phone company?

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Same with them, I'll call them. But I don't know, it's it's hard. So, how do you manage these? And as a business owner, how do you make sure your staff is not dealing, let's say busy season? Okay, let's say November, December, it's Christmas, and you got, you know, you're very, very busy and you're getting these. How do you make sure that your staff isn't getting completely drained because they're having to do this? My other question to you, as a former flower shop owner, do you I know we don't like to use the word train? Do you educate your staff members ahead of time? Part of the onboarding, listen, there's this thing called emotional labor. You're gonna feel it. We all feel and and so what would you do?

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Well, one, you cover this really well in our sales training when you talk about uh conflict, conflict resolution, and you say, when this happens, you know, with one of your employees, bring them aside and say, Hey, are you okay? Take a minute. And and I think that is just brilliant because that's what you need to do, right? You have to take yourself away and say, Hey, are you okay? You know, give yourself a little bit of time to recover here because it's not easy. But it when you ask me, did I train them on emotional, emotional labor? Heck no, I didn't know about it, Laura. I didn't know about it. It's something that you can't really train unless you know. So you educate your employees. I think this would be a great staff meeting, a staff training session that, hey guys, you're gonna feel this and it's okay, this is normal. Let's think about ways that we can get through it together and help one another through this emotional labor. Yeah. We at our shop, it was when you have a customer that's not happy, come get me, come get mud, because we need to deal with that. You don't need to deal with that because taking it away from them is helpful and they feel like you're supporting them rather than saying, go out to the fire, you know, go back your feet. No, I agree. Walk on those hot stones, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:00

I I agree. Um, I want to go back to your staff meeting um because what something that my husband, you know, who still works remotely, sometimes he's kind of going back, they're starting to go back to the often. But when they have like their monthly sales meeting, one person each time is assigned the task of a five-minute safety tip. Oh, so I could see of the beginning of every staff meeting, take an opportunity and teach them something that you think is valuable. Like, hey, do you know that there is an actual phrase for when we deal with mean employees? What it does to us? It's called emotional labor. And here's what it is just recognizing it and talking about it. I also think doing that helps the employees to when the next situation happens, they quickly identify, oh my gosh, I'm having to give off a lot of emotional labor right now. Yeah. And they've put words to the feelings. Like when I read all of this last night, it was put it was putting words to my feelings I was having. So that makes sense to me.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

And it gave me a little bit of comfort. Oh, yeah, knowing that okay, this is something, it's not, it's it's just not where you also be like, oh my gosh, I feel exhausted.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Right, exactly. So um, anyway, so here's some things, and I think we've gone through this a couple years ago when we talked about ways to help your employees when they've had an interaction, but I think it some of it bears repeating. Like you said, you give them some time, do some buffering. You as the boss coming in, let me take over from here. She's you know, 17-year-old Susie doesn't need to be dealing with this because it's a no-win situation. Make sure that there is a buffer, problem solving techniques. So, again, back to education. I think the more we can educate our staff on little tips and tricks on problem solving or when to identify, oh, I'm this conversation, I'm in a no-win situation here. Um, the more empowered they're gonna feel and the easier your job's gonna be as a business owner.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Right. When I said that I would say come get us, because that was a protection, that was the mama protecting her people, right? But it would have been more beneficial if I would have taught those problem solving techniques, but you didn't know them. Right, right. No, but that well, that's what I'm saying. That's what that's why you're encouraging people, you know, take the time, you know, this is what it is. Here are some techniques to get through that problem solving.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Right, right. Another one, again, is just talking about it, sharing, you know, with somebody. I know that we've said if if an employee has a situation like this, you know, we recommend you go straight to your manager. Don't because the problem is let let them kind of let them hear the story, yes, help you, help you debrief, help you get it out of your system, just like I did with you this week. You know, it's like I need a perspective here. Is there, you know, something I need to be doing? Because when you're not available as a as a manager for the employee to go to, they're gonna go to other employees, which is natural. Yes, but then it kind of starts creating this negative vibe of I hate customers, and and and you you see it across the board.

unknown 19:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

They all start acting, you know, a little drained. And um, you don't need that.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

No, your your shop doesn't need it for sure, and you as an employer, you just have to be there to listen and to try to understand that. And I love where sharing knowledge, you know, really talking to others about what they've gone through because that really does make a big difference.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Yeah. You know, I and I haven't really thought about this, you know, in our our sales training course that we have, you and I do some role-playing with scripts like selling, you know, how our descriptions, how to describe certain products or certain styles. One of the tools that one of these articles talks about is develop some scripts on scenarios. You know, again, this would be for a staff meeting. Maybe you just do one or two and kind of go around the room acting and let each employee respond so they're comfortable and have these real normal situations that you probably have had more than one time, because that again, it instills more confidence in them to where they're not gonna freak out like I did this week because we'll be totally blindsided.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

I think that's what we do because in our business, in the flower business, it's mostly positive. I mean, thank God it really is mostly positive. People are happy to get flowers, you know. Oh my gosh, these are beautiful. But once in a while, it truly you feel like you're blindsided. It's like, what? Where did that come from? You know, everything is going so well. Yeah. But if you do some role playing, if you have, you know, somebody say to you, what are you gonna say if somebody comes to you and says their flowers died in one day? You know, well, I I don't know, I'm gonna come get you. What what should I say? You know, what questions should I ask? So I think that's a really good idea to do role playing, come up with the negative things that you've had, maybe the negative reviews or something even in the past people have said, just so that your employees know how to respond. Think that's really a great idea, Lori.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Yeah. I think honestly, across the board, the majority of employees, at least the ones that I have encountered, they truly want to help resolve the problem.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

You know, they but when you come at them in this already angry mode, that that never helps.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

It truly never helps. So when we talk a little bit about reviews and how to respond, which is kind of you know the same thing. Whether it's you know in person or online, sure. This is one that was on Facebook that we were reading. In our members' group. In our members group. Yeah. And somebody had posted this review crazy overpriced by prices. I'm a millionaire. I couldn't imagine walking into a vintage store in Nashville, Tennessee, where I live, and ever seeing these prices. This business would fail for sure. Used clothing for $25 and $30. I'd rather go to Poshmark, any tiny little plants tagged between $25 and $30. I could get the same plant at Home Depot, four times bigger and cheaper. I don't know. I don't get it. I don't understand how this place stays open. I don't live there and never have. I just visit each year. And each year I come in and walk out empty-handed. So yeah, if you prefer paying two times the amount for things, go here. Otherwise, I highly suggest go online to eBay or Poshmark for the same items at a much cheaper price. So that's a one-star review that somebody put on a website. Right. And this was the response from the owner. Lori's laughing. Unfortunately, it sounds like you visit us right in the middle of our annual everything is over price seal. It's an annual promotion we do specifically to target our out-of-towners that like to leave negative reviews on Google. What we have found is having too many five-star reviews just doesn't seem believable. So we like to have a few one-star reviews peppered in to bring our average into credible number. I mean, who would believe the other 299 positive reviews? Thank you so much for your participation and make sure to visit us next year for our annual gold bar and loose diamond bazaar.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

It's it's just perfect. What's funny is the amount of comments from our members just cheering that shop on, going, Oh, I wish I was brave enough, right? Like I really wish I could do that. Somebody said, hmm, I think I love her. Uh but it's true. I mean, you know, I I I part of me wishes so badly I could respond to people like that. But there's I wouldn't. I do in my brain when it's over. I think a lot of us do, right? The majority of us do. I think that's why we get tickled when we see this because part of us is like, yes, you do that, but we know we can't do that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

We've always said that we want to write a book about what we wish we could say if it didn't count, you know. And it was like all of these silly little things as florists or flowershop owners that people say, and you're like, really? Really?

SPEAKER_01 25:32

You know, yeah. So that'll be a book.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

We all should contribute and get that. It's another podcast. That's another podcast. There we go. So this was really great stuff, Lori. I'm really I'm sorry you went through that emotional labor this week. I really am. That was very difficult, and I know it's still kind of a wound there, but we got to get through it. And I think that's gonna help others who are listening to us today. Our clickers all appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Well, that's what I hope. And and you know, I hope that this conversation doesn't just stop here. I hope that people listening, if you are a flower shop owner and you have employees, think, maybe I need to talk about this with them at the next staff meeting. Just take a few minutes to make them sure, hey, I understand. Have you heard of emotional labor? It's a real thing, and you guys are all gonna be dealing with it, and it's okay because we're all in it together. You know, just one of those little moments. Yeah, I think it would go a long way.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Just bringing up the subject, like you just mentioned, at a pre-Mother's Day staff meeting would be beneficial. Yes, it would.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Yes, it would. Exactly. And Google it. You I mean, there's a ton of information out there. Um, there's probably, I didn't do uh like an incredibly deep dive on content, um, but I bet there are some scripts already that you could pull of, you know, and then create your own scenarios and talk through things um on how you're gonna react to stuff. So all right, Vonda, what's inspiring you right now?

SPEAKER_00 27:10

What's inspiring me is the Society of American Florists Profit Blast that we're leaving for on Monday morning early, and we get to be together.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

I'm I'm excited to see shops and yeah, you and Katie and face to face with people. So enjoy. All right, we'll see you Tuesday. See you soon. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

We look forward to seeing you next week. So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.