The Four Most Important Attributes in a Good Boss

Episode 131: Vonda and Lori circle back around and recap some really important points from  the past four episodes in our Who's the Boss series.  Each leadership role might vary, from a shop leadership changing from one generation to the next or having a partner share in the responsibility, however, each of the shop owners shared the four common attributes. One was being a good listener and not necessarily solving the problem and referenced this video.  It's not about the Nail

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Being able to be humble is a sign of emotional maturity. It truly is because it's not always easy, whereas arrogance is a sign of emotional immaturity. Oh, I think he probably used insecurity.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

And Lori Wilson. And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Hey Lori, welcome back.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yes, how are you? How's the photo shoot going? I know you and Ellie are kind of holed up in a garage slash warehouse.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Yeah, I know. It's coming okay. We were having like a real block yesterday, so we had to call you for a little bit of inspo.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

A little bit of inspiration. Yeah. I don't know how you guys can do those do photo shoots for the upcoming seasons. Um, because it's, you know, here in Texas, it's uh and where you are, it's 199 degrees, and you're having to do fall images, and it's hard. I think that was part of the mental block. Like we're just not mentally into fall yet.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Well, I will have to say, and I shouldn't probably be admitting this, but fall colors are my least favorite, and Ellie's too, and that's where we're having the big problem. I know it was just like, oh, orange and yellow.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Oh, pretty, but oh golly. It has always been that way for me. Like when I lived in Ohio and the the fall, the leaves felt like that was pretty, that was just 100% natural. But my mom, she would every time she came to visit in the fall, she had to make sure I had a big pot of mums, you know, because and she would get like the gold or the yellow, and I'm like, eh, I don't like any of these.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

I know. So that was part of it. That was really part of what we were going through yesterday, but we really turned it around in the afternoon and we made some really beautiful things. So I'm excited, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

I'm proud of you, and like we tell people all the time, it's not about what you like, it's about what your customers like.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Exactly. Our clicker customers will love it. Exactly. Just love them.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Well, we have been in the middle of a series of the boss, and it's been very fun.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

It has been, it's been great, you know. Starting with episode 126 when we had Michael Martin on, who was talking about leadership. Yeah, there were some really great tips in that, and then we moved into Duane and Beth, the cutest couple in the world, the husband and wife team. Yes, and then Derek and Holly, yeah, which were the next generation. Let's pass it on to the next generation. And then last week we had Abby Chick, who talked about her silent partner who wasn't really silent, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Right. And and he's silent because he does not do any, he doesn't work in the the shop. She does day to day, and so yeah, that was a really good one. Like she, you know, we've known Abby a long time, and she shared a lot that I had I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

I didn't know what I thought was interesting in all of those, when I look at all four of those episodes, many things are the same, right? Right, there's those common denominators in them, but the one that stuck out to me was respect. It was Abby respecting her partner, it was Derek respecting his mother, it was Beth respecting Dwayne and Dwayne respecting Beth back and forth, and Michael Martin respecting everybody who works for him because he said, you know, everybody is a really great worker. Maybe you just don't have them in the right place. So yeah, all those things, I was like, wow, it's just all about respect, and that's hard to gain is respect.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

It really, it really is. And when Michael Martin said that part, I marinated on it for the next couple of weeks because I think that is such a great um perspective to take as a boss. I, you know, talk to owners all the time, right? We talk to them every single day and and they vent to us, which is great because that's how I learn what's going on. And that sometimes is the problem.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

It's not that you have a bad employee, it's that the you have the employee in the wrong position. And I know that's it's kind of hard because the reality is most flower shops, at least that we deal with, they're mid-sized to smaller, and they all got to wear a lot of different hats. Right. Right. And I think it's one of those things. Um, for example, we joke about how spreadsheets are my nemesis, right? I hate them, I don't like any of this. I'm working on something right now. I'm having to go into one of our members um in our email marketing program. She sent me this whole list to verify all these people have unsubscribed, right? Sounds easy. Some someone like Leslie or Cammy or Denise, they would get that done in five minutes. I can do no more than 30 minutes at a time because I just get distracted because it's so boring.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Okay, Lori, so you need to send those to someone else because it's not good for you, nor I'm like looking at it.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

I'm like, why is this so hard? It literally is just clicking back and forth. I it's copy pasting back forth, and I'm like, this is what I think hell might be like. Like, oh no, terrible, pointless to me. With that said, I can do it in short skirts. I just can't stay in it five days a week. And so wearing our multiple hats in when you work in a flower shop, sometimes you do have to answer the phone, even though you're an introvert and hate it and only want to design. Right. So maybe from a boss's perspective, go listen, I know this isn't in your wheelhouse, but we need you to can you do it for one hour? And then boom, you're done with someone has to go to lunch or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Um, does that make sense? Yep, set up the expectations, yeah, for sure. I think we have to go back to, you know, what is it that would help to be a boss? There are certain things that are really important to know, and that is I'm gonna start with listen because you have to be able to listen and even go back to Michael Martin talking about how he really had to listen to every single employee when they called and they drop, you know, he dropped things and he really would listen. And he'd listen, he wouldn't just hear what they're saying, he's truly listening. And I think that's one attribute of a good boss is they truly know how to listen.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Well, and to take that a step further from a boss that can a boss that can listen without feeling threatened by what they're hearing. Because if you start feeling threatened, they're not going to feel like they can come to you and be honest.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

It's not that safe space that we always talk about.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

It's not that safe space if your employees don't see a vision the same way you see it. Be open to their perspective. You don't have to change your vision, but you have to be open and go, okay, I understand where you're coming from.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Even though you don't agree with them, you're listening, right? And as you mentioned earlier, you might might marinate on that and later go, you know what? Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Right, right. And that goes back to your word you used earlier with respect. It shows your employee that you respect their ideas and that you care about them.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

So I found a quote on listening because we've talked about this many podcasts. It's something that I have tried to practice more in the last decade because I'm so quick to I want to solve the person's problem, or I just get excited and want to share because I know other information I can give them. A lot of times my brain starts spinning so quickly, I'm not truly listening to them. So this is a quote. It was in Fortune magazine. I don't know a guy like I think his name was Peter. I don't know. I want to give him credit. So, Peter, if you're out there, thanks for this quote. He says, of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable. And it's one of the least understood. Many captains of industry listen only sometimes. They remain the ordinary leaders, but a few, the great ones, they never stop listening. That's how they get word before anyone else of an unseen problem or an opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Isn't that good?

SPEAKER_00 9:24

That's really good. That's really good.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

It is a skill you have to hone because I'm not I'm not a natural listener.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

When you said that, what came to me was the video that you shared with us a while ago. It's probably been many years ago, and it's still one of my favorite. I go back to sometimes, and it's called It's Not About the Nail.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yes, yes, it's so true. It came from a marriage retreat, and it it applies in any role. It does.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

It totally applies because we're not listening, we're trying to solve the problem. And truly, all right that they want is to listen. I'm not gonna put it in the show notes because it is just one of those that if you just need a little chuckle and you feel like you're not being heard, yeah, this is really a good thing. Just to put it in laugh.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

It is, it will make you laugh, and it's it's short. Very it is. It's and you know, I think my husband is the one that actually sent me that a long time ago. Sometimes we need to just complain and vent, and we have to do that safely, whether it's with our boss, right? Like I for you, yeah, or I do with my husband or whoever at the or your best friend. I don't need you to solve my problem because chances are I already know how to solve it, but I need to get my feelings out first.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Yeah, totally. And the other one I have down is communicate because all of the bosses that we interviewed, each one of those different types, it was about communicating with each other. And I especially Derek and Holly, that really hit me because Derek would say, you know, I'm not changing anything unless I really feel like there's a reason that it wasn't done that way. And so I would communicate, he would talk to his mom and dad and say, you know, why are you doing it this way? So that communication is important, and to communicate and to not order is something I read. It's like communication is a two-way street, and sometimes people think when they're communicating, they're ordering people around. That's that boss. It's like, hey, do this, hey, do that. And they think that's communication, which no, that that's not what it's all about.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

No, no, what is that? Um there's a difference between authoritarian and um what is the other word, as far as parenting skills or managing skills, and one of them is that you're just dictating, yeah, and the other one you're communicating. And think of how we respond to people like that. None of us want someone dictating to us what to do, we're adults, you know, we don't want to be talked to that way. But as a boss, if you came to me and said, Hey, I would love if you would work on this project for you know, or whatever, it's like, oh, I want her to love it.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Great, I'll do it. It's just well, and using your example as before with the answering the phone, Lori, I know it's not your favorite, but just for one hour, could you just answer the phone for me? Because that would really help us out. And they want to help, they want to be part of the team, and again, communicating, not saying, Lori, you're gonna answer the phone for the next hour.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

I know you hate it, but I don't care. You're the only one here, so you gotta do it. And I'm like, Yuck, well, I will do it, but I'm not gonna sound very nice when I answer the phone.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

I'm not gonna be nice to those customers, so forget it.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Exactly, exactly. So, um, a few other things that I just jotted down um based on our little series. Um, I was reading an article and it was it's called How to Be a Boss That People Love Working For, not how to be a boss that people will love. I always think of Michael Scott from The Office, you know, he has that world's best boss mug, and he's like, This is so great. I bought it. I saw it at the store, and like he bought himself because he wants so much to be loved. There's a difference between being loved and someone loving to work for you, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

But one of the main things that they talk about is the practice of humility, how important it is for a leader, boss manager to be humble. And it because it allows the leader to toot the own horn of the others and lead instead of always tooting their own horn. Now, I honestly don't know many shop owners or bosses that are constantly tooting their own horn, but I understand where this is coming from. Humility, they say, is confidence plus vulnerability. So I can be, I need to be confident about sharing my truth or my heart with you because that you know it becomes reciprocal. You see that, and you're like, wow, I love that she trusted me with that.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah, it's it's almost like when we were doing the Prophet Bless, and it was give credit where credit's due, right? Right. That's part of it. Um I'm being humble because gosh, I could take credit for that because that customer is so happy. Right. No, no, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Do you remember a long time ago? Uh, and it was actually at SAF where I found out about it, and there was a guy there, I can't remember his name, but he did a book talk on emotional IQ. Yes, right. Ellie and I went so good. And so if you think about it, I remember what he said, he's like, humility, being able to be humble is a sign of emotional maturity. It truly is because it's not always easy. Whereas arrogance is a sign of emotional immaturity. Or, you know, I think he probably used insecurity, insecurity is what I would say.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Yeah, I think a lot of arrogant people are very insecure.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Yeah, so that was a good one. You talk about listen. Here's another one, Vonda, that I think uh, especially when I think about Beth and Dwayne, and well, actually, all three of them. Another thing I see is trust.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Among all of them, Abby talked about, you know, the unfortunate scenario where she had to fire somebody, and and the number one reason she did was trust is gone.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Right. But she extended that employee three different times. And finally, the third time, it's like I, you know, I can't keep doing it. So I think I think that's huge. People trusting and controlling kind of go hand in hand. People that don't trust, it's because you have so much, you've got to have the control. But once you start releasing that and trusting them, and and they do things to make you be able to trust them more.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

I remember as a teenager that my parents said to me, I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. And so I think that's how, as far as an employer, you go into it going, I have no reason not to trust this person. Right, no reason. And if they give me a reason, like Abby was saying, Yeah, oh my gosh, I found out she was lying to me. Right, uh, then you would go, Okay, wait a minute, that red flag goes up, and you're kind of constantly saying to yourself, yeah, what else is happening?

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Right. And and for Abby in her position there, because she does empower all of her employees because she's gone off and she has a toddler at home. If you have someone in your store where you're struggling with trust, usually you gotta end up getting rid of them, right? Because you can't you don't feel good about it. But I want to say one thing about trust. There's a big difference between losing trust in someone because they lie to you and losing trust in someone because maybe they didn't design the right way you yeah, totally totally way more moldable, right? And don't unless you have tried it for six months and it still doesn't work out.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

The other one that I saw going back to leadership is you can't forget to lead yourself. You need to always be doing your best, holding yourself accountable. And you because you can't lead a team with certain goals if you're not trying to attain those same goals.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

I like that. And I'm just miss Ellie, as a child, her dad would say something to her, and she would put her little hand on her hip and go, you're not the boss of me. And it reminds me that we are all the boss of ourselves, right? You saying that just triggered it because it's yeah, we are the boss of ourselves, and if we're not taking care of ourselves, then we can't lead others or be that boss because we're not respecting ourselves, we're not trusting ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

I mean, I have to be the example. I you know, this I don't know if this story works, but it was a very humbling experience in my life. When I had my first two kids 15 months apart, right? Third one was not even a thought. I remember I was getting so frustrated with them because they were fighting. They were probably, I don't know, let's say three or four, three and four. Um, and they were just loud, and I would yell back at them, stop it. I you know anyway, I wasn't feeling well one day, and long story short, had laryngitis. When they started the fighting or the arguing again, I would have to say, Davis Bailey, Davis, Bailey. Oh my gosh, Manda, they would just stop because I couldn't yell, and they were like, What, mommy? And I started realizing it's me, I'm yelling because it was so loud, and I know that's kind of off, but it's not. I was setting the example, they're fighting, and I'm yelling, we're all yelling because it's what we do, right? Right, but it really stuck with me, and and uh by the end of that day, I remember I just I got really tickled and embarrassed at myself because I was not setting the example I needed to set.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

And as parents, we are bosses, there we are.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

We're the bosses, we're the first of the things. So I'm like the Lord Larendis on purpose to teach me a lesson. And hey kids, listen, you know, and because they and then they would just whisper, okay, Mama, guys. Well, we want grilled cheese.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

I just remembered, okay. That is awesome because that did teach you. Now the question is did the yelling go away?

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Oh no, I'm sure my laryngitis once it was gone, we're we're just I bet not.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I I bet you did change. I bet you did change.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

I did, but I it that that moment stuck with me and it has stuck with me my whole life. And I even when it's not a parenting thing, yeah. When it's even conversation with my husband or conversation with flowers, like the more calm and controlled example I can set, the other person's gonna feed off of that. So anyway, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

That is so true.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

And then the last one, uh as far as leaders and I think I know I don't know Dwayne and Beth as far as we haven't had an opportunity to be in their shop and watch them and develop relationship. We do know Derek and Abby very well. And I've met Holly a couple of times. And something that I think Derek and Abby do well is they own it. They own it, the buck stops with them. They accept the responsibility, no matter what, in their shop, if they have an angry customer or they, you know, whatever happens, it is they are quick to take ownership of it and help with a solution before they look around and go, okay, who took this call? Who did this or who made this design? You know, that is not that might be secondary after it's all over.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

But they they own it. And good leaders don't blame people, regardless, even when it isn't technically their fault. And that's hard.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

That's really hard to do. It is, but but it's not as hard to do when you have a team that trusts you and looks up to you. Because then that mutual respect for that team, it's like whatever they did, they probably did it for a reason. And I'm gonna own it. And then we'll figure it out later.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Figure it out later. The quote in this particular article says, leaders inspire accountability through their ability to accept responsibility before they place blame.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

And uh it's not always a glamorous position to be a leader. It's hard, it's hard, but it's worth it, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Yeah, totally worth it. You know, it really is, but it's one of those things that you're always checking yourself, you know. First making sure you yourself are accountable, you're your own boss, right? Then, like you mentioned, I have to be humble, I have to trust, and I have to gain trust, I have to accept the responsibility, I have to listen, and I have to communicate.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Yep. So that's good. Hey, Vonda, what's on your calendar next?

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Would you mean a IFD symposium coming up? Yes, I know I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

To see you, you're doing a thing there, like you're gonna be a busy little beaver.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Well, there's a lot going on, but I am part of the Teleflower Education Specialist program that we're putting on called Pulse. And I'm super excited. I sent my prop away this week and it's on its way. And Jody McLeod and I are working on it together on our little session. Yeah, and um, we're excited. You guys all have to come out and see it.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

It's gonna be very cool. I mean, I've only been the one time, but I was in awe of the amount of talent, creatives, and artistry, and it it is it is something to behold when you're there, especially if you get to go into a workroom.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Oh, the workroom's the best.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

It's the best. They are the best. That's it's it's it's an amazing thing. Um, but and Ellie and I are gonna be there. We're gonna have a what is the table?

SPEAKER_00 25:26

It's a partners table at the partners showcase, which is like an expo that have all the supporters really of AIFD there, and you can go around and see what they have to offer. So yeah, you and you and Ellen.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Question I have for you. What if it someone listening is like an aspiring flower shop owner? They don't have a flower shop, but they love who would benefit from going to AIFD? Do you have to have those letters behind your name in order to attend?

SPEAKER_00 25:57

No, anybody who wants design inspiration should come to AIFD Symposium. It's unbelievable. You just sit there and you're just like, like you mentioned, you're in awe of what you see. And then you're you're surrounded by such talented people who are so warm and friendly. I mean, it's my floral family, and I haven't been for two years, and I am so excited to be able to see these great friends of mine.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Right. Well, and I think another thing is if I was an aspiring florist and I came to this, the the other beautiful part is every one of you designers that have been around a while, I don't know how to say it nicely, but you know what I mean. Seasoning one of the things you love is to meet these young men and women and answer questions, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yeah. Ask anyone you see when you're there, if you see something you like, ask them about it. How did you do this?

SPEAKER_00 26:56

How did you do that? Right. And most of the time they're sharing their that information from the stage or you know, in the little galleries or something, because that's the whole idea. It's design education, it's just not show and tell, which is what people think. No, it is to really walk away from there with some great design inspiration and techniques that you can use.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

So that's what's inspiring me, Savonda.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

I I too am inspired about the trip. Um, I'm gonna come in a little late, right? Because I had my little surgery, I'm recovering from it, everything's good. My inspiration about our trip doesn't have anything to do with flowers, it has to do with the Grand Canyon. I'm so excited that we, you, Julie, Ellie, myself, and someone else, Carolyn are doing a tour, right? We have a little bus that's gonna pick us up at the hotel and take us to the Grand Canyon.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

I know. Julie got it all set up, and it's the pink tour, and we are doing an escape day in a Libisc.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

We are so excited. And what cracks me up is just last night or the night before, I can't remember. Julie sends, you know, pictures or texts or things about it. I think she it's like a little child getting ready to see Santa Claus. She's really excited.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

This has been on her bucket list for a long time, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

So I'm I just can't believe we get to go do that and and be with each other when we get to see that. That's that is such a cool thing. Um, so yeah, that's really inspiring me. Really inspiring me.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Okay, so it's got to be inspiring you for two more weeks because it'll be two weeks before we go.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

So it'll definitely keep me. That's that's my goal to be a hundred percent, you know. Right now, though, my biggest fear is all of the crazy flight junk going on. I mean, I heard in the news this morning, I'm like, oh my gosh, whatever. Anyway, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

It'll all be fine.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

It'll be all fine, it's all figure outable.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

There we go. Talk to you next week.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

All right. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.