Barry Gottlieb on Dogs and the Power of Attitudes

Episode 148: In this episode, Vonda and Lori continue their conversation with Barry Gottlieb.  Barry Gottlieb is a trusted business advisor and personal mentor, with a successful practice offering counsel and guidance to both private individuals and corporations.

In this episode, learn a bit more about Barry's story of strength, resilience and how his a lost dog influenced his life.   

Gottlieb is a trusted business advisor and author of several books.
TGIT (Thank God it's Today)
Brilliant on the Basics
TGIT 2.0

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

The research tells us that 85% of your success in getting a job, keeping a job, and getting ahead in the job is your attitude.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your host, Vonda LaFever, and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Wonda.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Lori, it was so much fun to edit part two of Barry's interview. I'm just excited for our clickers to be able to listen.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

So I have a question. When you edit his podcast, do you feel like you had a little bit of a therapy session?

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Yeah, exactly. I mean you and I get to do the interview and then listen to it again. And I'll probably listen again because he is very therapeutic for sure.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Yeah, yeah. I also know you and I have been going to his little 30-minute SAF webinars that I think he was doing three or four on mental wellness. And I find it interesting that each week I have noticed, I don't know if you've noticed, that his audience is getting bigger. I didn't get bigger and bigger. And I was like, there is something to this. And I've seen more people post. If you guys aren't listening to this, and they're not doing it to just go, yay, go SAM. Of course we love it, but they're like, this is life-changing.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

I also noticed there are several businesses that when they show the picture, there's like several people in the room just like on there by themselves. It shows now like five people in the room listening. And I'm like, really, that is awesome that they're inviting their team to come and partake in this really important information.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Yeah, yeah. And it's it's showing how important it is because they're willing to like shut down for 30 minutes, you know, whether it's a a warehouse or whatever, what whatever it is. But I noticed that too. The first time I noticed it was like only one or two. This last time there was more. And I thought I bet they caught on, like, oh, that's a good idea. I need to bring my whole team to this. Yeah, I agree. Um he's doing a great job, so let's hear what he has to say. Yes. Who are the three most influential people in your life as far as how um their thoughts leading or their guidance or mentorship has impacted you?

SPEAKER_03 2:39

Okay, so the first one's easy. And and uh that I'm making that a pair. My mother and my father. Okay, and with without a doubt. My father only had an eighth-grade education, but he absolutely had a PhD in street smarts, okay? And my mother was the most loving, caring, kind person that you can ever imagine because my father was a master sergeant in the army. So I was raised with discipline, discipline, discipline, discipline, and and all the love was always there from my mother. So they were an amazing. That's my number one. I would say that my number two go-to would be the professors. Again, I'm grouping the professors that I had in graduate school in the College of Education, because they opened my mind to things that I had not been exposed to before. People like uh Baba Ramdas, who wrote the book Be Here Now, to um different thought leaders of the world and how to interact with people in a better way, how to communicate better. So the first is my parents, second is my graduate school teachers, and the third would be Dr. Wayne Dyer.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Aiden, you want to elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_03 4:02

Well, you know, Wayne Dyer was one of those guys that I got those cassette tapes, right? 1978, I get these cassette tapes from Wayne Dyer, and because somebody had said, hey, have you ever heard of this guy? And Wayne Dyer was a psychologist, but he left teaching and he wrote a book. And I wish I could remember the name of the book, but um uh it could have been your erroneous zone. I don't I don't remember, but it could have been one of his books. But he's written, you know, 50-something books. He passed away a few years ago in Hawaii, but he was a mentor for many years afterwards, and he was all about sharing and teaching ways of being. How to have a better day every single day. So, you know, in the forward of my books, you will see in the beginning, whether it's the business book, whether it's T Git, I mentioned a list of people that were great mentors for me. And and I I would say that one of the beautiful things is that there's so in today's world, you have access to every mentor living or past. And you and if you really wanted to, you could have it for free. It's it's it's all there. People are putting out podcasts every day that are filled. So we have a choice. We can either go down the path of all the negative BS that's out there, or we can spend, we get to choose do we want to spend our time putting something good in, right? Or not. And so, yes, Wayne Dyer was the guy that got me started on that path of getting cassette tapes and finding new mentors, guys like Dr. Dennis Waitley, okay, um, Harvey McKay, who the guy that wrote How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Um Francis Buck Rogers, his book on business, uh, Sam Walton's story about um, I forget what it was, made in the USA. The lessons that that you learn from business from these people, and and the lessons that you learn about life came from Wayne Dyer was the spark that ignited me to wanting to even find more and learn more.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Were your parents big book readers?

SPEAKER_03 6:41

My mother was. My father was not. My father, you know, he left the military, my father got into business, and sure. And he eventually had a nightclub down in Miami Beach back in the 50s that, you know, was amazing. And and as a side note, that not that it means anything, but you're probably both too young to have ever heard of the Rat Pack.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

No one. No.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Okay, so the Rat Pack, you know, was Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis Jr., and Joey Bishop. Well, Joey Bishop was Joseph Abraham Gottlieb, my father's brother. So my father had this nightclub in Miami Beach, and because his brother was Joey Bishop, every major celebrity, you know, you Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, Nakin Cole, anybody that performed ended up performing at my dad's club.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

So yeah, so it was that was an interesting life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

What a you need to write a book just on that.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

Yeah, I know. I've I have all these photos of my dad with all these celebrities. It's amazing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

So and your mom would probably bring him home and fix dinner for him.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

You know, embrace. She really wasn't a big fan of all that. But she she would, she would, of course, when there was somebody that was performing at the club that my brother or I really wanted to see, my mom would dress up, dress us up, and take us to the club so that we could see that performer. And my favorite of all time, Natin Cole. My favorite of all time, Natin Cole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Wow, that's amazing. What a story. Yeah, it was it.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

It would I listen, uh, for me, I look back, I've I've had a great life.

unknown 8:37

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

And I still do every day.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

And you're sticking continuing on.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Yeah. You know, we learn these lessons in life, and and I share this, you know. Uh, when I was, and and part of what drives me to doing all this was when I was 25, I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was given three to six months to live. And in in Lori, in the book that you have, the the introduction is all about me and my dog.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

I know it. I made Bon cry when I was telling her about it.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

But share that story with parents. It's it's a long story, but but basically, you know, I I don't know how much time we have to do.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

We have all the time in the world. We can make as much we have to.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

That story is a I was teaching at the University of Florida. I had been a student of the martial arts for nine years, so I was in incredible shape. I was one of the top racquetball players in the state of Florida. I had a sponsorship with Ectalon, and teaching and life was just great. Lived in the country, had, you know, this beautiful house on an acre of land that was fenced in, and I had two dogs. And one of them was my great dame Dante. And he came first. Zachariah, my German shepherd, came later. But I had I had Dante from the time that he was nine weeks old. And he was this puppy this big at nine weeks old, and by the time he was full grown, he was as tall as me and weighed more than me. Okay, and I'm six foot two, right? So you can imagine how big this dog was. And he was my best friend. There's this thing about dogs, right? I I think that they're at a whole nother level than humans, because dogs, okay, they they know when you're upset. They listen to you without they're great listeners. They they never talk back to you, right? But they just sit there and they listen and they love you and they can sense when something's wrong. And I had this great relationship with my dogs. And teaching at the university, life couldn't be any better. And then, you know, I went in and had this mold that looked weird and had it removed from my knee, and then a year later I had something else on my shoulder, and I went in, and that's when they told me it had metastasized. And at this time, back in the early 70s, um, melanoma, there really wasn't any cure for it unless you got it before it got into your blood system. And it was in my blood system, they said, look, in three to six months, it'll end up in your liver, your brain, all these different things. Basically, get your affairs in order, you're gonna die. But the real lesson, the real lesson of it was when that oncologist said to me, Look, Barry, I can put you in touch with other people that are just like you. They're gonna die. They all have cancer and they know that they're gonna die. Some are gonna be like you in three to six months, some may last a year. And I'm listening, I'm listening to them, and it's like I'm in a movie and I'm not believing any of it. But I looked at them and I said, That's great advice, but you know what? The advice is all I needed. I am just gonna live every freaking day to the very best that I can. And so I had friends that were teaching at the medical school in Gainesville at Chance, and they said, Look, even though they they really don't have cures for this, let's try chemotherapy. Let's try immunotherapy. So it was a week on with chemo, and then the next week they would inject me with immunotherapy, which was tuberculosis from cows, okay, and and and it was bad, and and I the the chemo made me so sick that there were times when I thought, you know, death would probably be simpler and easier. And I'm still trying to make the best out of every day. And one day I come home from the university, and Dante's missing. He's not there. My German shepherd's still there, Zachariah's still there, Dante's not there. And I look everywhere, and I mean the fence was five feet high. Dante, even if I left the gate open, he wouldn't wander out. I mean, he he stuck to being home, couldn't find him anywhere. And and that night, I get a phone call late at night, 10, 11 o'clock at night, phone call from a truck driver that down on the highway, Dante had wandered down to there, got hit by the truck, and was killed, and I had his collar on with my phone number, and the guy bothered to go to a payphone because there weren't cell phones then, and call me and tell me what had happened. And so I remember thinking and and saying to God that night, okay, so I'm freaking dying from cancer, and now you take my best friend away from me. I'm pissed.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

And I'm saying, God, I'm pissed. I was using other language than pissed. Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

Yeah, sure. And I'm pissed, and and and I'm crying and I'm upset, and you know, eight o'clock the next morning. I'm supposed to be at the oncologist at nine for another round of chemotherapy, which I hated, hated, hated. Eight o'clock, my phone rings, and it's the nurse. And she says, Dr. Kusamana wants to speak to you. And I go, What the does he want now? I'm already, I'm having a rough day. I really don't need any more bad news. And she goes, No, hold on, hold on. And he gets on, and I can hear his voice is cracking almost like he's crying. And he said, Barry, I noticed something about a week ago with your blood work. I noticed anything, so I sent. And because of my Uncle Joey, he had connections with the this hospital in Philadelphia that he had always donated money to. They had all of my blood work sent there, my slides sent there. That guy that was supposed to be the head guy for metastasized melanoma called my doctor and said, I can't find cancer anywhere. And my doctor says, You don't have cancer. I go, what does that mean? I go, what does that mean? He goes, You don't have to come in for chemo, as far as I'm concerned. He confirmed what I thought I was seeing a week ago. I sent it to him. So you're cancer free. And so the doctor's crying, I'm crying, but happy tears kind of thing. I get off with the doctor, and my father lives in LA. It's like three hours earlier, so it's like, you know, 5:30 in the morning, I wake my father up and I say, Okay, dad. He goes, son, what is it? Because he knows what I'm going through. I go, Dad, I got good news and I got bad news. He goes, please give me the good news. And I tell him, so now my dad's crying, I'm crying, all tears of joy and all this stuff. And he goes, how could there possibly be any bad news? And I tell him about Dante. And he and he says to me on the phone, he goes, I can't believe you're telling me this story. He goes, son, I have to tell you a story. When I was in the war, in the army, a master sergeant, I had a dog. That dog went everywhere with me on the base. One day he disappeared. I couldn't find him. I put signs up all over the base. Two weeks later, some private came back from being out doing whatever he was doing. He saw one of the signs. He goes, Sarge, I had no idea. It was a rainy night. We were driving out. We hit this dog. We didn't know it was yours. I'm sorry, but we killed your dog. So my father and I are continuing now to cry about this. And he and he said, so I wrote home to my mom, my grandmother, who came from the small village in Romania, and she wrote him back saying, I no longer have to worry about you in the war. In our village, she said to him, my father's name was Harry. In our village, Harry, we believe that if if a man has a dog or a person has a dog and that dog is so close, then that dog will give its life for them.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

You can't see us, but we are.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

Believe me, so am I. And it's like, and and you know, people have said to me, Well, you know, it's this, it's that. I go, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

That you don't have to, you don't have to buy into that, you don't have to believe in it, whatever. But my dog would have never left me or my home. And on that night, he goes out the very next morning. That doctor calls me. So yeah, that's the introduction in T Git.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

And it is worth every penny just. Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

So Mama, you had a couple questions based on the book. Um, that book. Do you want to fire those out of him?

SPEAKER_02 17:30

Yeah, so mine brilliant on the basics. I love this because I don't know, like books that have like all these small words and have to like go over and I'm like, it's hurting my brain. This is like perfect for any business owner because it's got those small chunks and you have them one quote after another, and I'm quote. You really both and anyway, so I love, love, love the book, and everybody should buy it. So if you there'll be something in our show notes that you can click and buy if you want to on them. But my question is um, because I looked at the attitude sent the segment, and I'm like, okay, what suggestion do you have for a business owner who's in a slump? Like their attitude has turned sour, like they're just like overworked, right? And they're like, I just don't know if I can do it do do this anymore. They're missing their passion, you know, because they're they're just tired. What suggestion would you have for somebody to try to find the love again? Yeah, better attitude.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Attitude is the key. The research tells us that 85% of your success in getting a job, keeping a job, and getting ahead in a job is your attitude. Because we would never hire somebody if we didn't think they had the aptitude. But what happens to us is that in any position, we can get to that point where we need an attitude adjustment. In other words, what's happened is that we have become a victim of usually our own stinking thinking. We end up focusing on the negative, we start focusing on what can go wrong. And it really coincides with that session that I did at SAF about mental wellness. I I prefer calling it mental wellness, not mental health, because I, you know, it's it's it's like Mother Teresa said if you invite me to an anti-war rally, I will not come. But if you invite me to a peace rally, I will be there. It's the choice of words. And so for me, the focus needs to be mental wellness. And what's happening to a person that is feeling burned out, that they don't have the passion, first of all, they need a break, but they also need to learn how to incorporate into their life ways to have joy. They need to incorporate, they need to take a look, a check up from the neck up, what is it that you're doing every day that's leading you to feel this way? And instead, let's put in the good stuff. And so much of it has to do, and and I I'll be sharing it in these seminars, but and I shared it at the end of mine, this thing that I call the five gifts. There's things that you can give to yourself, simple little things that if you give to yourself and you do it consistently, I can guarantee you that your life will be better. But a person that's in a slump, number one, they have to recognize that they're in a slump. If you look at all peak performing individuals and teams, you will find that they all have two things in common. Whether it's a violinist, whether it's a navy SEAL, whether it's a professional football player, whether it's somebody working in a business, what they have in common, the people that are really the peace performers, is they all have mentors and coaches. They all do. And so for the people that are in a slump, what they need to do is they need to, if they're in that slump, you know, where they're feeling they can't get up, they don't you can't go to work. I would say to them then, you know what? Get Mel Robin's book, the five second rule. Get Mel Robin's book, the five second rule, but listen to it on audible, or get Ben Sincero's book on you are a badass and listen to it. Okay, find inspirational stuff that you Listen to in the morning that'll help you. And then you have to also choose to do the things that'll give you your spark back. There's no magic juice, wand, something that you can throw at somebody. You have to change your attitude about your attitude. You need to understand that you need to give yourself a checkup from the neck up, going back to emotional intelligence, that's self-awareness. And one of the key ingredients when people are feeling downtrodden or when something's bothering them is first identify what you're feeling and say it or journal it to yourself. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling depressed. Okay, those are the feelings. What's causing those feelings? So now you start to identify what's causing those feelings. You say, okay, well, what can I do about it? What are the action steps that I can take? And the beauty of it is in today's world, all of those that Mel Robbins, you don't have to buy anything. You can go on LinkedIn and you can follow or Instagram, and every day there's Mel Robbins giving you advice or giving you five action steps how to overcome this. Look, and we have to understand Mel Robbins was totally, I mean, she was in a total depressive state a few years ago. I mean, she couldn't get out of bed. Her career was imploding, her husband's career was imploding. They were about to lose everything, and all of a sudden she came up, she watched some program of a rocket launching off where they were going 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, and the rocket takes off. She came up with the five-second rule. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm going to get up out of bed. And she started with a simple step. But then it started to work. So she wanted to find out why did it work? And so she started doing all the research. There's a young girl in Australia, her name is Kelsey Pottinger. She just came out with a book called The Mindful High Performer. And her story was somewhat similar. Here she was, a very successful businesswoman, has a kid, and has postpartum depression, so severe that they had to put her in a psych ward. They were afraid that she was going to kill herself. And she came out of it. In coming out of it, she wanted to figure out well why that happened. And now she's the number one speaker in Australia for every major corporation.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Look, we hit our lows. And when I think back to me being told I was going to die, I had a choice. I could either be a victim or I could be a victor. And so that was the start of me saying, well, I never know if cancer is going to come back. So for me, it was like, you know what, I'm going to freaking love every day. Thank God it's today. You know, that's where it came from. Oh my God, here I am again. Thank you, God, for another day. Thank you, God. And there is there has not been a morning since I was 25 years old that I don't wake up and thank God for another day. And if you don't believe in God, thank the universe.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

Right.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

Thank nature.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Thank thank just thank your coffee hot. Thank you. Whatever you gotta do, right? Be grateful.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Be great. And there. Somebody, thank you. And you you know what, Vonda? Magic word.

unknown 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

The solution to changing your attitude is gratitude. Whenever you're feeling in a funk, whenever you're feeling anxious, whenever you're feeling depressed. I mean, in my sessions, I'm going to teach about breathing exercises, mindful exercises, things you can do. But truthfully, if you just take a journal and you when you're feeling in a funk and you start to write, I am grateful for, and start to list a few things you're grateful for, your whole attitude will change. And I share this with everybody, but but to me, look, signs that that we had at our company in the front was attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching? When somebody was having an off day, you just take them by the hand, show them the sign, say, go out for a walk, come back in with a great attitude. It's a choice. Everything is a choice.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Everything is a choice. Everything it is, truly.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

So I have a question for you. It's not for a long time because I'm giving you. Um, since I have you on here and I'm feeling super brave, would you come back again?

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:45

Of course. Bravo and bravo to you for asking, but absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

I have it. I have it. You are delightful, and I know you have to prepare for this afternoon session, and I just can't wait to hear more. Um, like Vonda said, we're gonna put both books on our uh podcast information because I truly believe, I don't care if this was written in 2008, every single bit of it.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

Well, so that you know, and I'm not trying, believe me, I'm not trying to push my books because that's that's not why I wrote my books, but there is a uh 2022 TGIT 2.0.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Where is that?

SPEAKER_03 27:36

It's on Amazon.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Well, well, it's interesting because when I ordered these on Amazon first time, which was before SAF, they were back ordered and we couldn't get them for two weeks. Oh, look at them. Keep it up.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

I can take a screenshot. I didn't see that one. Yeah, so this I didn't see it on there either.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

So there's some of the same things that were in that one, but there's also things that are not in there. Like I didn't write a chapter in here on goals. I don't think I wrote one in this one on attitude, but it's basically 51 standalone chapters. The perfect bathroom book. That's exactly what it's there for. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Yeah. What I love about it is at the end of every little short chapter, you give actionable steps to where it's to do it.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

It's always and again, and and in, and I believe that you read it, Vonda, in the beginning of the first chapter of the business book. Knowledge isn't power unless you apply it consistently. Okay?

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

I can't, I can't go to the gym and just do curls once a month and think I'm gonna have great arms, okay? Your brain can't will not just from reading one chapter, well, now you've metaphysically you've become this, you know, guru kind of thing. You have to apply this stuff. And and that was my challenge with the secret. See, TGIT, the book came out right after that because even though I love the secret, it was all about positive thinking, but they didn't tell me what the hell I needed to do.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

So I said, okay, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna write about the things that I think people have challenges with, but I'm gonna tell them here's how you do it. You do it in little, little bite-sized steps.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

This was wonderful. You've inspired me. Um, and I hope everybody that listens will be well, I know they will be inspired. So we're well, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

Thank you both for inviting me. And yes, if you invite me back, I will be there.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

Okay, I appreciate it so much. This has been great. Thank you again.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Have an awesome day. Wait, I always end everything by saying this. Remember, every single day is a gift. The quality of your life is your gift to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

Perfect way to end. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.