The Power of Positive Affirmations and Why They Work

Episode 169: Lori has always been a big believer in the power of affirmations so you can imagine how excited she was to learn of a study that proved there is science behind the idea that affirmations really do work! Vonda and Lori share a bit about the scientific study, how to create a true affirmations and several examples of self affirmations you might find useful for yourself. 

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

So the first one to it's my absolute favorite and it's most simple and it is I am enough. I am ridiculously enough.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Welcome to the business and pleasure of flowers.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson, and we believe the business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Good morning, Vonda Su Lefe. How are you?

SPEAKER_02 0:36

I am fantastic. How are you this morning, Miss Lori Wilson? I have a quick question for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Is your middle name really Sue? Because I just have always added it.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

It is.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

You didn't know that. I call everyone like my daughter Bailey Sue, my sister. I don't know why. I just we add a Mindy, my friend Mindy. Mindy Sue. That's not her middle name, but anyway, that's my really is. Do you know what my middle name is?

SPEAKER_02 1:11

I would call you Lori Jean.

unknown 1:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Do you know Lori Diane?

SPEAKER_02 1:22

Oh Lori Diane. Is Diane after someone?

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Diane is what it my my Aunt Sondra, who I love so much, her middle name. Oh, I was named after her. So anyway, I'm glad we got that out of the way now. I feel like we're even deeper in relationship because we now know each other.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

I think so. Middle names. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Okay, so we've got a lot to talk about today. And it doesn't really have anything to do with like flowers per se, but it does have to do with management, leadership, being a boss, and being a good employee, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yes, for sure. All of the above.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

All of the above.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

So um so first off, tell me how you started going down this rabbit trail.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Right. Well, that is always an interesting story, isn't it? How these things happen. So I was reading yesterday morning. One of my favorite things that I like to do is wake up before anybody else is up, right? When you just naturally wake up and you're like, I'm up, it's 5 45, I'm gonna get up. Have my coffee, sit down and read. Don't get on social media. I'm either reading my Bible or I'm reading, you know, articles. So yesterday morning, nothing against my Bible, but I was reading articles because I get really um behind in them. And I always put so many aside that I want to read. I was like, I'm gonna do that. And I was researching something specific because uh a group of us, you, Ellie, Audrey, we're gonna see each other next week. We're gonna be working on a project, we're gonna have some time with each other, um, but we're gonna be working on a lot. So sometimes it can get stressful. So I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun or funny if every day I had on a little post-it note a daily affirmation for us as a group? So that is the the trigger in my brain that was like, ooh, let's start researching. So I spent a couple of hours yesterday reading, and and the more I read about stuff, I was like, would click on something else in the article that took me to another article um that did, you know, scientific research behind this, and it was absolutely fascinating. And so I shared it with you, and you were like, fine, okay, great, let's talk about it. And then you went down the rabbit hole because I sent you the articles, and like, this is amazing, and it was all about affirmation, yeah. And I loved the first article I was reading because we talk about the importance of affirmation in our sales prep school.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Yes, you do.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

And I keep it light, but I talk about it, and I get a lot of feedback from people who uh their employees do, and they they they giggle, they think that you know, look in the because I'm like, look in the mirror, tell yourself you love yourself, you all these things, but there's actual science behind it, how it changes the waves in our brain.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Yeah, which was fascinating because it's one of those things we've always thought, right? We thought, well, this really makes a huge difference, and and even doctors now are saying that it does make a difference the way that you're perceiving things or the way you're taking things in, and and and like you said, scientific data now, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:04

So we decided we're gonna do a little bit of a deep dive into it today. But um, one thing that I read over and over again, which I think is a great definition of you know, what is affirm what are affirmations? Like what exactly is it? Basically, it is your core values, what you believe in. So your affirmations might look different than mine, probably not very different, but because we're very much alike in all of our core values, but a little bit different, right? And can't be this is what is interesting to me, an affirmation such as me looking in the mirror going, you're the most beautiful girl in the world, that's that's not real, right? That's not something that's not my core value, that's not what I believe, right? But if I looked in the mirror and said, You are gonna be a blessing to someone today, I can believe that because that is a core value of mine. I want whoever I'm around to try to bless their life in some way when they walk away.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

But make sense, and you do that, and you do that very well, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

So I have my days so so what would you say would be one of your like core values slash affirmations if you were to do one?

SPEAKER_02 6:35

I think it's that every morning I get up and I thank the Lord for the day, right? And I say, I am it's gonna be a great day. I guess that's a simple it's gonna be a great day. Um I think one of the things that I took away early on in reading this was the key to positive affirmations is this don't lie to yourself. And that's just what you were doing in the mirror.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

You're like I was like, gosh, and you know what? When you think about that, it's so true, and it kind of frees you up, or it did me because I don't want to look in the mirror every day and say I'm the most beautiful girl in the world or I am the smartest person in the world. I I don't really even want to be that person, right? That's not something that's important to me. So when we create our affirmations that we have daily, right, it needs to fit into our reality, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:35

Exactly. Like we're saying, you can't lie to yourself, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Right. The other like quick walkaway tip. I know we're to do three, we always do three tips at the end, but we can go back to these, is how I see myself there is correlated very much with how I receive information. By information, I mean what's feedback, criticism. Let's pretend that I am significantly overweight, and I'm very sedentary, like I don't work out, I'm not really watching my anyway. And you come to me, or my doctor, let's just say doctor comes to me and says, Lori, you qualify as obese, you need to lose weight. If he starts that conversation building into my affirmation, my core values first, like, you know what? You have got one of the greatest hearts. You are the kindest, funniest person. You you know, you bless everybody that's around you. So these are things that I'm like, yes, these are these are affirmations, these are things I want to be. I'm gonna receive that next part a lot less defensively than just started with that.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Yeah, definitely, because then you're feeling good about yourself because somebody is noticing somebody's noticing what's important to me, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:18

If now that if that person was to say to me, you are gorgeous, you are absolutely beautiful, or whatever the unrealistic expectation of myself is, and then they say that I'm gonna go, screw you, you're a liar, I you know, or I'm gonna come up with the right, right, because it didn't, it's not my core value. So take that example that is way out there, has nothing to do with our industry, but put it in a situation with a business owner, a shop owner, and an employee. And one of the examples I was thinking of is let's say you're a designer and you you have been in flowers your whole life, you love flowers, you're passionate about flowers, and you're a good designer, but your productivity is lacking a little bit, and you're not on time, you know, you've got some issues. Think about that. What would be their core value? They're passionate about flowers, they got into flowers because they know how happy it makes others feel, they want to be that designer, right? And and they know they can be, so you might start that conversation talking about their core values. Like, I know you've been in this industry just like me, and you because you've been passionate about flowers and you are such a great designer, and then lead into what the issues are.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

I don't know, affirm them first and then give them what they need to do to improve. It's not like we're talking we've talked about before, where you're not doing that sandwich compliment, right? Right, right. Stay away from that. What we're doing is we're affirming them because that's triggering something in their brain that's making them happy and they're gonna proceed, they're gonna be more receptive, but whatever you're starting with, you as a oh as the manager, you better make sure it is their language, it speaks into their core value.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

If you came to me and said, Lori, you are a great designer, but you are chronically like and I'm like, what? You know, I don't want to be a great designer.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

So if one of the challenges that you have is somebody coming in on time, right? I have an employee, they're coming in late, and they have a family, and I know that's part of it, then instead of hitting on what they're doing at work, you might say to them, I know how much you love your family, and that you're so dedicated to them. However, right, what it's doing is influencing us here at work, and I need you to be able to break that off with your family a little bit earlier and get in here on time. That type of thing. So you're listening to their core values, whatever they may be, on a personal level first before you make that suggestion.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

So I want to go to this research study, which was in PNAS.org. It's uh they started with uh psychiatrists. It was, it was some psych a group of psychiatrists were wanting to study this in two different types of uh variables, I guess they had one was like people that needed an intervention, uh, or students that needed an intervention on an academic level, which I thought was fascinating, and then they uh went the other way with obesity and uh addiction. So these were three different scenarios, and what they found and they did our MRI scans of MRIs, that's what I thought was fascinating. I'm like, it's real because they did the MRI and they saw with the affirmation, self-affirmation, every scenario they tried, the person was way more receptive to the intervention than a someone that they did an intervention with without the self-affirmation.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah, I know. I thought it was fascinating.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

It was absolutely fascinating because you think think about most of us. I know you do this, I do this. That's kind of to me, I'm like, well, that's just common sense. Like it's into but it isn't for everybody, right? Right, you know, they don't think about that, but so now, but it can be taught going back to what um when we had Nicole Price on talking about empathy, it's the same thing you can teach yourself to do this with your employees.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Right, and and it starts with yourself first.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Well, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

First, you know, if you know, it's it can be taught, like Nicole was talking about empathy, which you just referred to, but this needs to be taught starting with you as the leader. Um, and you have to be able to affirm yourself and be able to take that, and then you can pass it on and use it in your leadership styles.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Right, right. So here are a few of the affirmations that uh I found some of them I loved, some of them I created myself. I think number one, when you are creating affirmations for yourself or for your team, because I can see this being two different ones. Yes, you have to what are your values as a shop, as a team? That could be really great. Um, again, they have to be attainable. It can't be like we're gonna make the most money we've ever made today, like that, you know, that's not really realistic.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

They have to be realistic again.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Don't lie to yourself, exactly, exactly, and also everybody else around you, they're gonna. I'm not getting in on that. That's a stupid affirmation. Okay, so the first one, and you saw this one too, it's my absolute favorite, and it's most simple, and it is I am enough, I am ridiculously enough, and I'm like, God, that is so true. 99% of us can that can use that as an affirmation because you are enough, you are okay, you are great just the way you are. So I wrote that one down. The other one that I wrote down, then I'm gonna ask you which ones you liked was creative energy flows to me and through me. And I think that is a really good one, especially working in a flower shop. If you are the designer, you get creative energy from other people and you give it off.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

I love Category. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

You know, so I know that's how I feel when I'm with Ellie and we have this brainstorming thing, like, whoa, it's just going back and forth. Like we can be intentional to wake up that day and say, listen, today, creative energy is going to flow to me and through me. So that was one of my favorite ones. So, what about you?

SPEAKER_02 17:11

I think that's fantastic. One thing I think was a challenge during all the Zoom days, right? As a presenter in Floral, it was really difficult because as a presenter, you're in front of an audience and you're getting that creative energy, that creative feedback from your audience, even though you're giving it and sharing, it's coming back to you. And when you don't have that, that's really difficult. And you know, saying I am enough, yeah, I am enough. But when you're just saying that affirmation of getting the feedback is just so so big.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

You're 100% right. Because think about it, when we have been uh the profit blasts and we're up on stage, it is so important we have a group of people there, you know, that we can be interactive because it just brings in all of these other conversations and it their energy flows through us, and then we give it back. It's it's a beautiful thing, and even getting a little bit of that here and there can sustain me through the stupid Zoom stuff we still have to do.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Well, and it's interesting because when you're on stage, especially, I notice that you are getting that energy, but you are so affirming to the people who are out in the audience too. That affirmation is going around and around, you and I and them, and it's just it's such a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah, they're so fun, and it's such a it's one of those you walk away and you're just so inspired. Um, what what did you which ones of these did you think are yes, these are great.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

This one's for me, or no. This one that I was reading was seven that actually work, and one of them was you've done this in the past, you can do it now. When I read that, I think of so many people who have these challenges. It's like, oh, it's like, hey, you've done this in the past, you can do it now. You can do it back because sometimes we put things off because we are thinking, oh, I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it. And I think that was a good one. I like that one a lot.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

You know, it's funny because I wrote that one down too, and I was thinking of so many scenarios where a business owner would need to pull that one up. Um, if they are Valentine's week, right? And you're you this is your 37th Valentine's week, and you really have had it, and you're starting to second guess yourself and all of it. Bring that up. Hey, I've done this 37 times. I can do it again, I will get through this.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

It's on the positive as well. So, like you're saying, the holidays. Okay, so next one, Mother's Day is up. Here we go. We're gonna do this. It we've got this down, we've done it before, we're gonna do it again. On a negative side, somewhat is when you have to let someone go. I mean, we've had some shops who've had to deal with that, yeah. And that one to me is where I would use this more so because holidays, it's like, okay, you know, it's kind of a positive, right? It's like here we go again. But when it comes to where there's something negative, and I'm affirming myself that I've done this before, I can do it again. I've done this before, I can do it again. I keep reminding myself because that is what we're learning is medically, right? It is doing something to our brain, and now I'm giving myself the courage to do it and the right and the know-how saying I have done this before and I can do it.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

I've done this in the past, and once you get it done, you're quite relieved. And when I did it, the other thing I was thinking as you said that was you know, a few weeks ago when we did that uh webinar when it doesn't look like the picture, uh the art of substitution, right? And they're you were talking a lot about the profits stuff, um, and we got a lot of questions anyway. Again, I started getting emails from people, and a lot of flowershop owners hate dealing with the spreadsheet stuff, the tracking of the cogs and the payroll, all of that, you know, that you constantly preach. That is the perfect scenario to sit down and go, I've done it before, I can do it again.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Love that. That is exactly right. That's when they need that one posted up. That's when they need it up there.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

I can do this again, I will survive it.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Um well, and that one kind of moves right into get it done and move on. Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

When I read that one, your face flashed before me, because that really is that is a Vonda affirmation. If I've ever heard, get it, we gotta get it done. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but you gotta just get it done.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

Get it done and move on. I mean, I had things from Denise yesterday, who is our web tech behind the scene who's doing everything, and she's like, I have this and this and this, and I need, and I looked at it and went, get it done and move on. And she's like, Wow, and I'm like, hey, get it done and move on. Yep, it's I didn't want to do it.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

So good, it's so good for all of us. I kind of did the same thing this morning. I was getting a bit overwhelmed yesterday because I got so many emails after our members, which is fine, but um I had like I was gonna work out this morning, but I had to do quite a few custom emails coming into spring. Again, fine, I'm not complaining. And I thought, you know, and I put it off yesterday because it was 5:30. I'm like, I gotta walk away because my rear end hurts from sitting also. So I decided I'm gonna put it on my calendar for this morning. I I made the choice, I'm not going to my workout. I will feel better doing this because I didn't really want to do them because it's a lot of brain power, but I thought of that and I'm done. I'm done. I got it done, and I'm so happy. Be and then our members are happy because I already sent it to each one that I like for them to approve it before we send it out. And I was like, I did it, I could move on. Come on, love it, love it. Such a great feeling. Um, the other one that I thought was great, and it was um well, kind of aligns with that same thing is do it today, not tomorrow. Yeah. And that one is one I have to practice because again, things I don't like to do, which isn't a ton when I'm looking at my job, but it is when I'm talking thinking about working out. Like, yeah, get it done, do it today. Don't put it off till tomorrow, because then tomorrow will come and the next day and the next day and the next day.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

One I thought was cute was so what?

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Yeah. Yes, yes. I liked I liked the so what.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

It's like every minor thing in life. It's like, but there's a million blogs already on this topic. So what? Write it anyway. No, right, right. So and so said something bad about me. So what?

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Move on. What's their problem?

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

No, it is good. It's also one of those you can go as use it as a positive or a negative, right? Exactly. Any kind of situation. The other one that I loved that I wrote down and I thought of using, especially for next week, towards when we're all together, is almost there, almost there. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

Yep. I used to do that when we would be working almost all night for Valentine's Day years ago. And I would we it would be 10 or 11 o'clock, and I'm like, how's everyone doing? We're getting closer there, you know, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

But it's true. I mean, in every uh and and it made me think of when we were working on sales prep school, the course online, and we were really kind of starting from ground zero. You know, we were each taking all of our information, and then anyway, I had those moments where I'm like, God, this is too daunting. It's like, nope, we're almost there. We're almost there. Just keep swimming, right? That's all right. That's right. Remind yourself you enjoy the to enjoy the process. So you because you are doing what you love. Sometimes, again, I'm thinking of a shop owner, you know, you're a little overwhelmed, you have um a labor shortage, maybe you're having some employee issues, you just have a your delivery driver didn't show up, all of these things. Try to be present and try to remind yourself, hey, I have this business because I'm in, I love what this business is about. I don't have to love every moment, right? But I love, I'm passionate about this industry. I'm passionate about what I do. And I thought that was, I thought that was a good one. Um, I think a lot of times here even at Flower Click when we are getting ready to do a new seminar or workshop, you know, and we're in that brainstorming mode. Sometimes we can come into that meeting with, oh let's just get this, did it and wait, we used to love this process. This is this is the good stuff. That's right. But every one of us have been brought some weird stress into one of those meetings at some point and forgot to enjoy this process because it's the greatest part from my perspective.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Wait, you're right. We have to just remember, you're right. Remember and bring that forward. So let's wrap it up. What do you think? Um, let's let's give them those walk away points.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

So three walkaway points that I think are number one don't lie to yourself when you're making these affirmations, and and that new rule alone changed all of my affirmations. Then maybe that's why they haven't been working, right? Because so don't lie to yourself. Number two, when making them, and use the other word, you know, what are what is important to you? What are what are your core values? What are the most and every affirmation should align with one of your core values? And number three, remember that when someone is telling you something and you automatically feel your defenses go up. Remember, sometimes it could be it's because we don't see ourselves in a positive light, or we don't see our, you know, how we feel about ourselves is very relevant to when someone tells us something constructive.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

How I see myself is correlated with how I receive information. I think that's what you said at the beginning, because I thought that was really good.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Really good. It is. And so I'm making all these mental notes as I was reading these things because you know, whether it's in my family life or work life or whatever, you are we're all gonna get feedback that we don't necessarily want to hear at some point, you know, sometimes on a weekly basis. But I think it's important for us to wonder at that moment if my first gut is to go, you don't know what you're talking about. You're you know, why am I feeling that way? That could that mean it touched one of my core values that maybe I'm not dealing with, you know, or maybe I feel poorly about myself in whatever this topic is. So um, anyway, those were those are my three. What about you?

SPEAKER_02 29:50

I'm just going to reiterate those. Don't lie to yourself. Your core values is what they need to be based on. I am enough, as you've said, and we all say, and I need to see myself in a positive light, affirm myself so that when you come to me and say something, that I can receive that information and not put the wall up. Yes, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Okay, lesson, lesson learned, class. Lesson learned. Good. Isn't it great? It is great, it's very inspiring. I hope everybody listening is inspired and it causes them to just rethink how they're doing life a little bit. It's always good for us to rethink. Are we are we doing this one life we have on the earth? Are we doing it the right way? Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.