Choices to Make Now ~ That Will Help You Create the Life You Want and Deserve

Episode 170: It's no secret that we make choices everyday that will affect our future. After talking about the importance of affirmations in the previous episode, Vonda and Lori share some "lessons learned" and how actually taking it in and learning, over a period of time they can lead you to a more fulfilling and happy life. 

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:04

That definitely segues into the next one, which is taking care of your mind and body is crucial.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Welcome to the business and pleasure of flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Lori, I loved our subject last week so much that I think we needed to continue that conversation.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

I agree. And my question to you is: did you find yourself being a little more self-aware of how you see yourself throughout this last week? Because I know I did, like thinking about these affirmations and being way more intentional about speaking positive truth to myself.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

That as well as I think you and I do this kind of naturally. I think other people, like you said, it needs to be learned. But I do think that I was like, oh, well, that's what we were talking about last week. Yeah, well, that was what we were talking about last week. Because I think normal on a normal day in and day out, you and I are so grateful. We have a lot of gratitude and we we affirm ourselves in in what we're doing. Um, so I guess I think maybe that's what I was doing is thinking, oh, there's an affirmation. How about you?

SPEAKER_03 1:37

No, I was doing the same thing, but I was also thinking, um, if there is a shop owner that is feeling maybe their group is not quite cohesive enough, or maybe there's a little bit of something, I think it would be cool to let's say you have a staff meeting or just a quick little meeting and say, you'd love if everyone wrote down two of their core values. What is it? And it doesn't have to do anything with flowershop, just two of their core values, and then they give it to you, and then based on those, you could write affirmations for each person that speaks directly into their core values. I think that would be amazing, and it would feel so good.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

And what I think would be cool that is a fantastic idea. I could see just a little sticky note check when they got theirs because personalized it would be to each one of them rather than just a general. I mean, I would do general affirmations, but that on there little wouldn't that be amazing?

SPEAKER_03 2:45

And it doesn't have to be every single paycheck, but I mean, maybe it's once a quarter or once every it would it is one of those, you know, we've always talked about deposits, making deposits into people so they can be filled up. That is a huge deposit. I don't know if I've ever told you this. Maybe I have. You can edit it if I've told it too many 20 times. But when I was growing up, especially in middle school, all through high school, um, as you know, my dad was a principal, and then he went on to be a personnel director and he was in education, so he left very early every morning. And my dad was not a um super touchy, feely, huggy dad. He was wonderful, that still is, but it was just not his love language. But when I started going to middle school all the way up, uh like twice a week, by the time I got out of the shower, got back in my room, there would be a post-it note on my dresser, like my mirror. Some sort of affirmation or something, some sort of short sentence about living the right way. And when I first started getting him, I was like, eh, whatever, you know. But I think about that all the time and think of how and he did it for my brother, he did it for my sister, and they were all different. And I think that and I'm like, that really, I mean, that is a huge memory for me that I didn't realize was so great until you know, I became an adult.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Did you pass that along to your children?

SPEAKER_03 4:34

I you know what I do? I didn't, I didn't, I didn't do that quarterly, but every morning, you know, when they left for school, I was always I was big on instead of have a blessed day, be a blessing to someone today, figure out where you can be. So I would, you know, say those kind of things. And I was a touchy-feely huggy mom. So I didn't need a I would just whisper it over them at in bed, and you know, all of that. I was gonna say you were the touchy-feely one, so you didn't need that as well, but it was it was a powerful thing, um, because not everyone is touchy-feely, and nobody, you know, and has a way with words or and that's okay. But doing these little things, whether it's for your kids or for your employees, it's a big deposit in someone's life.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yeah, yeah. And so that's kind of what I wanted to talk about today, is what are the lessons that people learn too late in life, let's say, you know, because our everyday habits, which we talked about a few weeks ago about habits, those habits actually decide our future. You know, what we did, we hate to say it when we're teenagers and trying to 40, 50, those are made some of the decisions that we're living with today, right? Yeah, sure, sure, you know, and so let's this is an article.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

It's on the medium.com blog, the the one the paid subscription, and I think I sent it to you. And I think the one you're looking at is called Life Lessons People Learn Too Late in Life.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Right. Okay. So so I wanted to just go through those because they did speak to me, and I don't know about you as well, but some of them were like, Wow, okay, you know, um, fear of what others say or think of you is a trap. That's how they learn. It's like, you know, for so long, people are like, Oh, I don't think I can do that because I don't want so-and-so to think bad of me, or you know, I want to do this because I want to be, you know, a star in their eyes, or you know, it's like we worry too much about what others are gonna think, right.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Rather than just doing the right thing, right? The other part of that is understanding I don't have the power to control how someone else is going to feel, yet I can live in those moments of, oh, but what if that upsets the customer or the member or the you know, that type of thing. I was thinking of a scenario in this fear of what other people think, it's trap. I talk to a lot of flower shop owners that are so incredibly hesitant to maybe raise their prices a little bit because oh my customers, they would kill me. They would, and they truly believe there would be maybe a small riot outside of their shop if they raise, and and it's it's something going back to probably childhood, right? That they have this fear of somebody's gonna be mad at them and ruining their business because they have that type of thought. Because it is a trap, it is a trap you can't get out of sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Yeah, sometimes there's the fear of being laughed at or judged because of something you've done. And so, you know, I think at a certain point in your life, you're like, you know what? I know I'm making good decisions based on core values, and I know it's gonna be the best for my business and for my life. I can't worry about what everybody else is thinking, and right so much of life is spent like that, I think.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Yeah, someone told me a long time ago, and I can't quite remember uh how he phrased it, but he said, you know, you're really selfish for thinking you have that much power over everybody else's feelings. Ooh, like wow, that's first harsh and unnecessary, but the second, you're right, you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Someone I mean someone told me years ago if they're talking about you, they're leaving someone else alone.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

So well, that's true. That's true, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

There's always people are gonna talk about somebody, so you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:07

Um, number two really hit me because, as you know, my husband recently retired, and it's you don't have to wait for retirement to live the life you want. Um, that one hit it because I feel like our entire married life, we're like, oh, we're gonna save, save, save, save, save until you retire.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

And then and you hear stories of so many people, yeah, and two years later they had a stroke, or you know, I think the youth of society has learned this one really well. The young, some almost too well, though. I think of Ellie, who really I mean, they go and experience life, you know. Even my son Sayer and Erica, you know, they don't just like go, oh, we're gonna do this after we retire. No, can you come watch the kids? We're going to, you know, it's a business trip, but then we're gonna stay and do this. I think they've learned this more so than me, right? It's like let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

It's you're right, it is a different generation. We totally, but uh, I also think as a business owner, a small business owner, it's scary to just take off will. I mean, you that's that's a hard thing because this is your it's your company, and I know a lot of flower shops feel that way. I do think there we have quite a few members that have pretty good, like healthy vacation boundaries. Like they go after Valentine's Day, they usually do, you know, they have things set up and they have practiced it, and and I think it's important uh to create those boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

I think that's really important what you just said, Lori, because after Christmas, there's burnout. After Valentine's Day, there's burnout. After Mother's Day, there's burnout. So those are three times a year that a floral shop owner or a business owner really that's in retail, it's a major time for burnout. And so you have to schedule, don't wait till retirement, but schedule time for yourself. Even if you're going to market to buy after Christmas, I mean, that's getting away, right? You're getting away from your everyday situation and you're enjoying time. You're out there laughing, you're having fun, you're you're still doing what you're passionate and you love because you're talking about you're talking flowers, but I do think those are super important times to not wait for retirement, get away from the shop. Sometimes even closing the shop for a week to do that is beneficial for your health, right?

SPEAKER_03 12:02

Um, I was thinking about my mom and dad who retired very pretty early by today's standards. Um, they were both in education, um, and they were in their mid-50s. They were my or my age. And my dad, who is now 89, always talks about how a lot of people were like, Why are you retiring? You know, you can do so much more. But he looks back, they went on so many trips with other retired teachers that they were all friends with. These were not big, fancy, elaborate trips, but they were awesome. They had they he has so many memories, and he is so he's he will say this all the time. You know, I know my bank account may not be as big as many people out there, but boy, didn't your mom and I have fun. Isn't that our goal? Yeah, exactly. You know, uh, before my mom's Parkinson's got so bad, they went on a ton of vacations.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

That's great.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

Yeah, and and it's it makes you realize you you can't take it with you, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:17

So it's okay, it's something you need to do for yourself, yes. I know it's challenging as a small business owner, but make time for yourself, right? And that kind of goes right into the next one, Lori.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Yes, that definitely segues into the next one, which is taking care of your mind and body is crucial.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

It really is. I mean, wow, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:42

It is, it is, and the thing is in talking with some people that you and I know that we have met with recently, um, and they said this same thing do not let an illness make you value health, and I think that is so powerful. Um, as you know, Cami, Audrey, and I, we've kind of been on this little nutrition kick on just a few weeks, but we're still in it. And knowing the importance of exercise for me, I'm not gonna speak for them, but for me, one hour of exercise, I can already tell a huge difference in my brain, Vonda. In my brain, you know, I've had brain fogs since I had COVID, and it it's comes and goes still, it will probably go come and go the rest of my life. But getting exercise for some reason really clears my head to me, it's my medicine, because I'm not on anything for it, right? I don't know that there is a magic pill for brain fog, but um, so that's what hit me. I thought the best way I can add value to flower click is to keep my mind healthy, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:05

That's way more important. Well, I think when you exercise, it releases endorphins, which are like kind of a drug, Lori. That's your drug, yeah, which is really what helps. It it helps all of us. It does the same for me. I have to exercise first thing in the morning, otherwise, I don't get it done. It's kind of interesting. It's just one of those things that uh you can go on your lunch hour, you can go at night, and a lot of people can, but whoo man, that's so tough for me.

SPEAKER_03 15:33

My preference would be first thing in the morning. My issue are the the classes. I go to classes like because I need accountability, I need fun music, I need dancy, silly because again, it's it's an all over, it just makes me happy.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

I have to go when the classes are scheduled. You know, we just go to the Y, which is a great YMCA here, but you they don't have tons of options. Um, but I'm my preference is morning, afternoon. I gotta tell you, the hardest time to go are those 5 30 evenings because I'm like, I'm ready to put my pajamas on. Me too. I'm like, no, I don't want to go. It's almost dark. I don't drive after dark, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:19

You're way too young for that, my dear. I know, and it's so sad, but I truly feel that way. Okay, so the next one does remind me of you for sure. Never stop learning and investing in skills, even if you get your dream job. Because I know you're this is your dream job, right?

SPEAKER_03 16:36

This is my dream job, it truly is my dream job. And it's not about the flowers, but I get to be with people, I get to get inspired, I get to create. Um, and I think my job here, it it aligns very much with my core value, meaning because I do have the opportunity to keep learning and growing and developing. Um, and so I know that's not everybody's cut the tea, but this is where I thrive as far as being able to always educate myself, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Whether it's just reading articles, whether it's going to a class, um educating yourself, but educating all of us, and all of our clickers. I mean, really, this is just right, it's exactly for sure.

SPEAKER_03 17:28

I think one of my favorite things in the world has always been, even from a young age, when I used to work at a daycare center, you know, in my teens, all the way up through teaching school, is I get such powerful endorphins, maybe when I see light bulbs go off on people's heads, yeah. Like something when something clicks and you're just right there waiting for it in that aha moment. That is to me, that's like a fun exercise class. It's like going to Zumba for me. Super excited because someone it connected, we connected, and and I think you can get so bogged down in your day-to-days as a business owner running a flower shop that you lose that part of yourself, um, which is why we have so many flower click members, you know. We take a lot of that mundane stuff that has to be so you can use because we can't replicate your creative brain.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

No, we can't. And I think that's a lot of times why a flower shop owner will get in a delivery van and take a delivery and hand it to the because it's like, like you just said, it's it's not a light bulb, it's not like you're teaching them something, but it's the joy that you're sharing with them. It's like that's an endorphin for me. It's like, all right, gosh, see where were we?

SPEAKER_03 18:58

What was it a shop talk or what meeting were we in recently that somebody was talking about needing a delivery driver and you and like Abby?

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Other people are like, You should do it, it's the best job. It is, you can't afford to put yourself out on the delivery check, but exactly for just for a few, yeah. That was the woman's problem. She'd like, I'd love to, but I can't afford myself, I'm too expensive. Exactly. The next one has to do with finances, and that's not utilizing the power of compounding. The best time to invest was yesterday, and the next best time is today. And your husband Mark would just love this. So would my son say, or it's like, yes, this is future.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

I I went back into the other room and I couldn't figure out he was in like a webinar, and I'm like, Well, he's retired. What do you know what? And he's like, Fidelity investments, and I'm like, You're so weird.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Well, and you know, I'm a big Warren Buffett fan. Right. And so his quote is if you don't find a way to make money while you're sleep, you will work until you die. I'm just like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

My butt. Yep, my youngest son, who's 22, who is very much like his dad in this little investment game, he he has that. He says that a lot. If your money's not working for you while you sleep, you're not gonna ever stop working.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

So yeah, I like that. So that's something, especially if you're younger. But again, you can start today, if nothing else. Just start putting it away.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

This next one, well, the next two really to me. The the next one, I I've learned this a long time ago. Um, but I am around a lot of people that still think this, and this is expecting toxic people to change. Um, because the reality is you you by thinking you can change them, you end up enabling the habits. And again, we can this is very irrelevant to a flower shop. You think of an employee. How many times have we had conversations with people like this one but she's just a thorn in everyone's side, everyone? But I keep trying to give her chances. I'm like, well, that's the problem. Yeah, you can't change her. You she she maybe she will shine better elsewhere, think of it that way, but she's not shining, and she's bringing everybody else down, and it becomes a whole toxic environment.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

I learned that a long time ago. I mean, running a business is that if you have that one toxic person in there, they really do ruin the whole culture of your business, and you can't allow that to happen. Um, I I just learned, you know what, it's it's not. worth trying to change them because they're not going to change. And what's going to happen is you're going to allow them to change what's happening in your shop. So the best way on toxic people is just do not have them in your life. They can shine better elsewhere or they can shine better elsewhere.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

Right. And when you realize when you that this person is toxic, it is not about giving them a chance and a chance and a chance because that's not going to happen. You have to look at the mental and physical well-being of the rest of the group to realize this person needs to be removed. So that one I think you and I have learned that early on in life and you don't have to hate the person but you do need to have some very clear boundaries and that's it. The next one I think we've all struggled with at times too and it is negative negative self-talk. You know that aligns right with daily affirmations. Negative self-talk can ruin your life and that is the inner dialogue you have. I can share when I first started working in this industry because I know nothing about flowers, right? And I got I got put into a lot of situations where I was talking to people that just assumed I did. And so for a very long time I had this fear of I think they call it imposters and I'm thinking if they ever find out that I'm an idiot when it comes to flowers I'm going to get fired. But after a while I realized they know I don't know anything about flowers are coming to me because I am giving them something else they want. They don't care that I don't know how to make a design. That's not what they need they can do that. They need what you but you see the negative because I went into the industry one I'm I'm very hesitant because you know I've been a school teacher the majority of my life I've been a coach the majority of my life how am I going to do this and not realizing I was hired for those exact skills not for design or knowing what goes in a design.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Yeah yeah it's interesting because it says negative self-talk can drag you down and according to studies can wreck your mental health and cause depression and anxiety.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

So you just have to watch not to get into that I have a friend right now who is around our age and she's divorced she was a stay-at-home mom for many years and she's having to look for a job which I keep telling her go to your local flower shop they will hire you'd be great but um so I've been sending helping which I don't think it was helping it was stressing her out more I would send a few jobs that I thought this if I were you I would apply to this one or I would apply to this one and keep in mind she hasn't been in the work world for a very long time um except to do a lot of volunteer work um and helping with elderly okay yesterday I sent her what I thought was a great job I mean it's fine it's a mediocre but it was at a company and her response Vonda almost made me cry she said oh no I am would never be confident enough to even apply for that wow I thought to myself this woman because of her divorce and just you know all of the stuff it's super easy to start feeling I have no value. Yeah she was beaten down yeah and it made me really really sad so we talked a little bit um but it it affects your whole life negative self-talk it defines everything you're gonna do if you keep that inner dialogue with yourself.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

And the unfortunate thing is that negative self-talk can turn you into a toxic person who nobody wants to be around and that cycle is one you don't want to get into I mean my gosh that definitely could turn into the toxic because nobody wants to be around somebody who's negative all the time you know and they're they have no idea the vibe they're giving off right right you know yeah that's that's really hard yeah and this one actually says the conclusion truly is there's a hidden lesson behind every failure and every mistake that we do we have to learn from our mistakes and move on you know yeah yeah and and learn from our mistakes and don't beat yourself up don't keep bringing it up oh remember when you did this or remember when you forgot to send the flowers to the wedding or when you like yeah say what can I learn from this and so I don't do it again and move on. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

So you know go back to last week so what you did that let's go on what move on let's go move on yeah I know Abby uh Blake Moore she shared a story a long time ago and might have even been on the podcast about uh she was to do a wedding and they had it was a smaller wedding anyway long story short she just she was at work one morning she looked she put it it was the day of instead and but she had it for the next day do you remember that anyway it's it's this it was a mistake and because of it instead of beating herself up she I think put her manager in charge of adding everything to the calendar but you know she learned from it here's what I need to do going forward she did it she had got said she had gotten in the habit of just kind of doing the quick notes on the phone because when she's not where she needs to be and so she had to go back to being very detailed at those beginnings.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

You learn from it you move on you don't beat yourself up right learn from it and move on is exactly right. So that's I just think that's really important that we take the lessons we have and learn from them and move on and make ourselves a stronger and better person.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Right right thank you so much for listening to our podcast we hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business