Respect in the Workplace: Why, How and What to Avoid

Episode 179: Respect is defined as admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities or achievements. Oftentimes respect is combined with liking a persons' personality and their abilities, when, especially in the workspace, personal feelings should be set aside. Vonda and Lori chat about the What and How of workspace respect and then Lori jumps in as Devil's advocate. 😉

Sponsored by:
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Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:03

What happens if I lose respect for a co-worker or a boss? Can I gain it back?

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Welcome to the business and pleasure of flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_04 0:32

Lori, we just made it through Memorial Day. It's the official kickoff to summer. Isn't that crazy? It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

I'm still forgetting to write 2023. Like, I get it. What year is this anyway? It's it's it's going by so fast. Um, and I don't know whether that's good or bad. I'm a little uh indifferent about it yet. I don't know, but yeah, it's it's already summertime. And you know, I was sending you things last week. We're already getting emails for people wanting us to do things in March of 2024.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

And I my head is exploding because I'm like, wait, we don't even know what we're doing this fall. I don't even know if the planet's gonna be around by this. I don't even know. Like, I don't, I can't make decisions. So it's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 1:30

It's crazy. So we just got through Memorial Day, and you know, Memorial Day is a lot about respect, you know, whether you're flying a flag or going to a parade or putting flowers on a grave. You know, it's all very respectful. Yes.

unknown 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

Speaking of, this week, I ran into someone who was at a flower shop, at the old flower shop I used to work at, Brian Smith from up at Everts and Ames, and I said, Are you still decorating the graves? And he said, I am. He said, Um, we still do the Iowa State Cemetery and others. And I said, How many do you have at this point? And he said, 90 placements. Which I think is a lot still. I mean, I used to love doing that, you know, go out in the Sunday before Memorial Day and place all the flowers and uh anyway.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

And you know, I think we've talked about that on this podcast because you and I both have such memories of that um growing up. As a child, I didn't respect it the way I do now, because I was thrown in the backseat of a car. My mom, my grandma, my grandpa, my mom would be driving from cemetery to cemetery, all these little towns because we had relatives, you know, in all these little tiny Oklahoma towns and certain cemeteries, and we had to put stuff on all of them because on all sides of my family, big army, everyone was in the army in some capacity, every male, you know, and so I didn't appreciate it as a child, and now I look back and I'm like, wow, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

They didn't they never miss such respect for each and every one of those persons that served, you know, and yeah, are deceased members of our family, even sometimes it's not just the military, it's you know right, it's all about respect. And I've been talking to you for about a month that I wanted to do a podcast on respect and and how that really works into our everyday lives, but also especially into our workplace, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

It is, and it to me it's a loaded word, right? Because anyway, we're we're gonna go. But you have a lot of great information. You sent me all of your notes, and I was again a little bit of head explode. Um so I'm gonna have let you take this one and I'm gonna just throw some ones at the related weighted questions at you.

SPEAKER_04 4:04

So just be ready. Oh gosh. Okay, I'm gonna drink my smoothie because you talk about it. Fair enough. So we don't talk about respect in the workplace, maybe enough, or we won't have to talk about it, but I think we have to think about it because we have certain characteristics in our co-workers or our boss, perhaps, that we admire, you know, in our teammates that let us feel like wow, we respect them. Wow, I really like the way they do that, and that gives me respect. It's not necessarily about their personalities, and that's what we have to realize that we might not like the personality of that person, but I can still have respect for the way they do their job, and many times we can't separate that. It's like they they get irritated at something that somebody does because of their personality, and you have to step back and go, wait a minute. I still really like the way they process flowers or the way they pick out the flowers to do with their design, or the way they're waiting on a customer. So I think that's what we have to look at first and foremost is separate the personality from the tasks that you really can look at and be respectful about.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

I totally agree. I know this isn't a conversation about generations, but um, you and Ellie and I, we were just together recently, and we've had some really good conversations about different generations. And I was telling you guys about a podcast I listened to about Gen Z, I think the younger, my son age early 20s. Um, and it's interesting to me how all different generations we view respect differently. We were taught how to view it differently. And maybe mine, I'm Gen X. You are probably you and my husband are both boomer, right? Um, I was taught it is demanded from my parents, or especially my father, right? I was I had a great father, don't get me wrong, but like you respected almost out of fear, right? Because you're slightly terrified that he might get mad, but like you know, and then all changes again.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

I am not saying I was ever abused, I was never abused the respect that you had for your father that you didn't want to disappoint them, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Right. A lot of it maybe was fear-based, but here's what I want to say: some, and and I'll just speak for for my 22-year-old child, he can confuse respect with personality, and I'm like, those are two very different things. You don't have to agree with every single thing that person stands for to have respect for them. There is probably no one on this planet that aligns with every single thing I stand for, or you say, like, you know, when you sit down, that's that'd be weird, right? So we have to be careful when we talk about respect, what exactly it is, and not get it confused and muddied with all the other stuff, right?

SPEAKER_04 7:26

So let's start with why it's important in the workplace, because a lot of times you're like, well, what's the big deal? You know, it's just I work with them, and do I have to respect them? And the answer kind of is yes, in the sense that respect reduces stress. Can you believe that? Yes, I can. Yeah, it's a really a health benefit, right? Because if people are getting along, there's no stress, it has to do with a lot of it with the respect they have for one another. And so there's less less stress. Another one is the collaboration and the productivity together makes a difference in the respect that's happening because you're all talking to one another, you're listening, and people are happier, yeah, as we know. And when they leave at the end of the day, they feel proud that what they've accomplished, right? Yeah, yeah. And this is the key one is that satisfied employees typically stay at companies that they value and they look for ways to advance in their careers. And you have talked about that many times, how you as an employee are going to ask what their goals are because you are respecting them. What that's what it really comes down to. You're respecting them and what they're contributing to your company, and then they're going to respect you more, which leads to a lower turnover rate, which means less comp less money spent by the company. So it's one of those things that we've talked about many of these aspects of communication with employees time and time again, but we've never really brought into it. It's actually about the respect for one another.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Yeah. No, it it's it's absolutely true. I mean, I got nothing even to add to that. That's very, very true. Your next one is respect creates a fair environment, an even playing field, right? Um it is. It's hard. Um, it says one of the most important things an employer can offer is a chance for employees to show their skills and knowledge regardless of their background.

SPEAKER_04 9:35

Yeah. Because sometimes as an employer, you might want to listen to the designer who has more experience than the person who's just come on board. You're like, ah, I don't know. But it really, if you're respecting every one of the employees, then you're listening intently and respecting everyone's contribution.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Well, and you can also look at it as you've got your experienced designer, and you've got, let's say, a younger, different, maybe newer, not as nuanced designer, go into it and say, you never know, you might see something you've never seen before, right?

SPEAKER_04 10:18

Exactly, exactly. They're looking at it a different angle, and so that's why it's important to listen to and respect everybody's contribution to see how you can build a better team and a better business for sure. Exactly. So now we know why it's important, but let's talk about how you can show respect in that workplace. So there's a list of actually there's 11 items, and I'm just gonna fire them off and get a uh response from you if there's any, but there might just be like, okay, this totally makes sense. Listen to what everyone has to say. Clear 100%. Yes, pay attention to nonverbal communication. Well, you know my answer on that, yes. Practice transparency. Yes, recognize the strengths and accomplishments of others.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Yes, and I like that you said accomplishments and you didn't say weaknesses.

SPEAKER_04 11:20

Yep, keep it on that side. Value the time and workload of others, it's not always about you and what you're putting in, but look at the others around and and take um value that time. Yes, delegate meaningful work. Yes. And this one, when I read that, what got me is don't just delegate the bucket washing to someone, you know, and maybe it's delegating some of the fresh processing to somebody who is just a new employee, but tell them why that's so dang important. And you know, I think giving value to what people are doing and delegate things that are like, hey, you know, this would be great if you could do this for me, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

I'm gonna give you an example of something you delegated to someone once, it was not me, but that made their day when we were doing uh the sympathy shoot a while back. And Audrey was there as one of your little assistant designers because she's got some good assistant design skills, let's be honest. Absolutely, I do not, and that's okay, right? I shine better elsewhere, and we all know it, and that's all right. We were doing some basket, some uh disc gardens, that's what they are called, and we were needing to add some color to some of them, and you were deep in a casket spray, Julie was ever, you know, ever, and you said, Audrey, put some color on this, this, and this. And she looked up at you, and Julie looked at her and she said, You can do it. You got this, and you didn't even give her a second look, you were just like, do it, because you had no doubt. She looked at me and I was I did the silent clap because I knew because I read her nonverbal cues because I've known her for 20 years. She was so excited. Good. Well, that's good to hear. You delegated that number one, because you were swamped, but number two, that wasn't you like to do those things, but you didn't have time. It wasn't a yucky job. No, and and I knew she had the talent to do it, and you knew she had it, but she didn't have the confidence. You knew you needed to say you needed to do that to say, you can do this, do it. So anyway, yes, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

Okay, number seven, practice common courtesy and politeness.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Yeah, common courtesy and politeness. Here's where we have to be careful there, not fake, you know what I mean? Like common courtesy and politeness, but not fake, cheesy, fake politeness. There's a line.

SPEAKER_04 14:19

There is, yeah. We don't we we want to be authentic, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Always transparent and honest, right, right, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:28

Um, prevent bias.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Well, we try very hard every single day. We try hard and try very hard.

SPEAKER_04 14:38

Include everyone in meetings, discussions, and celebrations.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

I would say yes. I mean, in our company, I think every one of us agree, only include me in a meeting or discussion if I need to be there because I got other things to do, but I know what you're saying.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

Consider how others view you and your actions.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

I think that's very important, especially as a shop owner. And then help your peers. Always help your people. Help your people, yeah. Help your people, be there for your people. I agree. Okay, so I read through all your notes, then I added a few of my own. I was gonna think, you know, I'm gonna be the little devil's advocate on the other side and flip it and go, okay, so here are a few things as a leaderslash manager, whatever you want to call yourself, that you're gonna want to avoid when you are trying to gain respect of your employees. Okay. We're not even so much talking about mutuality as far as an employee wanting your respect. I'm talking about when I'm wanting my employees to respect me or gotcha from the top down, right? Okay. Number one, don't make assumptions, right? Um the biggest mistake we can make with a person is to assume in the first glance of them that they are somehow beneath us, whether it's because of how they dress, because of how much they weigh, because of whatever it is, I am just as guilty as anybody else. I mean, I think every one of us struggle with this at some level or have. It's very hard. But when we start out with that assumption, the respect has already started out in disrespect. Right. So um the example that everyone knows that's universal is I think of the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. And when he gave her the credit card to go buy the fancy dress, and she walks in and she's in her gross prostitute dress, or I it wasn't even a dress, but she goes in to buy the dress and they treat her really bad because they don't think she has the money. We all know she did, and then she goes back by and she buys all of these clothes, and she's like, You missed out big, big, you know, that little scenario, because they judged her based on what she looks like. So we we know those kind of things. Just assume the best about somebody because it's way easier to adjust down than have to adjust up.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

Yeah, no, that's really good.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Yeah, that was a good, that's a good lesson for me. Um, the next one is a really good one too. Doing a complete 180 without explaining your reason why to your staff. Nothing just kills a vibe and demolishes some respect. If you have a plan and you have said, here's how it's gonna be, here's how it's gonna be, here's how we're gonna do things, or whatever the scenario is, and then all of a sudden you come in like a tornado and you change it up, the complete opposite, and expect every single person to change it, and you give them no reason why you make no apology or own your decision, and you just go back out.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

A quick change of the mind and change of everybody else's routine or right.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Be clear, we all change our mind. In flower click happens all the time, happened yesterday, right? With us, with with uh recipe stuff, that kind of stuff happens all the time in bus small businesses, especially. That's just part of it. So hear this. It's okay to have a change of mind. We have to acknowledge it and say, Hey, oh my gosh, I know this was the plan, it didn't happen. I'm sorry. Here's why we're gonna have to do plan B. Can this be done? Make your staff, and I'm trying to think of like the the example I was giving in the article I was reading was for corporate. So I was trying to think of for uh like a flower shop. Maybe it would be something during a busy Valentine's week, you know, whether there was a the way you were processing your flowers, or the way you were something how you had in your mind exactly how it was gonna go, or you got pulled off of something because you suddenly had to become the delivery driver, and you really didn't want to be a delivery driver that way. You were told you were gonna be doing this. You need to give the person who you're giving the complete 180 right a reason for it. A reason, acknowledge, hey, this is happening. Boy, you're a team player. I'm so glad adaptability is one of your gifts, you know, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_04 20:17

Um again, back to transparency, be transparent about what happens, and just being honest, yes, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

I love it because at the end of that explanation, it said, honesty always helps put out the fire. So true.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Boy, don't we know it at Flower Click anytime we were like, ah, sorry. Okay, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

So anyway, this one I was giggling earlier when you were talking about this because I was like, ooh, this is one of my ones to avoid delegating badly. Oh, yeah. Okay, the washing bucket scenario. So there's good delegating and lazy delegation. Yeah. So done right, delegation is a great thing. Not only does it free up your time, it provides an amazing opportunity for somebody on your staff to learn something new, to try something new, to maybe elevate their skills and find something they love. You never know. However, good delegation takes time up front. We've talked about that. If you want to go back to other podcasts, you can find that. Um lazy delegation is hey, I don't have time to do this. I need you to go make that. Slam the door. The person out there going, wait, what? Yeah. Head spinning, not understanding head spinning. You just delegated this. I don't know what you're talking about. That is not a win win delegating situation.

SPEAKER_04 22:00

Yeah, that makes sense totally.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Delegating right. Delegating is a great thing if it's done well, it's done poorly. It will probably end in that employee eventually not coming back to work.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

The next one, this one we don't need to spend a lot of time on. I did giggle because you and I both know people like this. Exaggerating your own accomplishments.

SPEAKER_04 22:25

Um, yes, we do.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Yes, we do. It's fine to state your own accomplishments. It's great to say, hey, guess what I did? Whatever. You don't have to overstate them, right? Um, say them once, let other people tell you, hey, I heard you did this. They go, Yes, I did. It was so hard, but I did do that. Thank you for acknowledging that, you know. Um, it says uh at the end of that one, it said, if you have to tell people you are a big deal, you're probably not a big deal. I love that, yeah. Isn't that humble? That is very true. However, I do like to tell my kids a lot what a big deal I am.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

I it's in love and it's in laughter that you say.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Yes, I'm always, always try to tell them what a big deal I am. And they it's a daily thing, they just still don't fucking. Um, the last thing is dropping the ball on a promise or a favor. You know, if you go to somebody and go, hey, can you help me with this? If you do, I'll get you this, or I'll help you do this, or I'll blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, and somebody jumps through hoops to get you what you needed. You never reciprocate. Number one, you're just a crappy person. And I don't want to be friends with you. So do not friend request me in any capacity on social media because I don't like you already. Um, I don't like you. I these kind of people make my skin crawl, and it's probably why I don't know many of these kind of people. You don't, no. No, no. They're when I think of these kinds, they're people in movies that you know, you see like claw people to get to the top, those over exaggerated characters. Um, but it's just a good thing to remember when, but but I could see it happening as a business owner. Hey, team, let's do this, let's you know, rally, let's get our AOV up. If we get this, I'm gonna do a pizza party, or and then they all work hard and you get their hopes up and you get it, and then you never provide the launch or you don't follow through, and maybe they're a little timid and they're not gonna ask because maybe you're a ticking time bomb in your moods or whatever. That is this, yeah, and they slowly lose respect for you because you do this type of thing over and over and over.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

That makes sense. So you can see where that could happen. Okay, so now I have a question for you okay, about respect. What happens if I lose respect for a co-worker or a boss? Can I gain it back? Or should as a employee I've lost respect for the one I work for?

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Should I just leave? Is it just gonna be easy?

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Um, you know what? For me personally, and I know this is a bad answer, it's gonna depend on why I lost respect for them.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

What was the reason? Did I see them blow up at another employee? Um, just kind of have a moment of explosion, and I thought, wow, I didn't, I didn't thought. Or did I walk on in on them having an affair with like but that's personal? So you have to separate right the person, right? So I'm just saying it it I for me, it really kind of depends. Um I have always believed everybody deserves a second chance. So when it comes to something like that, if I valued the relationship and if I loved the job, right, and this happened, I would go to my boss, no matter how scared I was, whatever they say, speak truth, even if your voice shakes, my voice would be shaking, I would sit down with them and I would say, I need to share this with you. Here's what's going on, and depending on how that conversation goes, I would either decide I needed to exit, or think if they were open and transparent and honest, I believe you can earn back respect. Yeah, because I believe we're all flawed, I believe we all screw up. Oh, yeah. We all have it, but again, it just depends.

SPEAKER_04 27:23

Again, if you go to that person and they say, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize I came off like that, I didn't mean to do that, then you can gain that respect back, correct?

SPEAKER_01 27:33

Yeah, I feel like, yeah, if there was a little explosion and I here's the other thing. I've I've known you a very, very, very long time. If I ever saw you explode like that, it would have to be a really big explosion because I know you, right? And I'd know uh she's just in a mood, she's stressed, she's all right. She'll I'll get her some chocolate covered medicine. Because because I know you, you know what I mean? So it's right, get her some sugar, her blood sugar's low. It depends on so many things, but for me personally, again, I'm a Gen X, I'm not really one to just well, screw it. I'm gonna leave and I'm not gonna confront. I'm not gonna, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try my best to think I did everything possible to make it work. I'm not saying that's the right answer, Vaughn.

SPEAKER_04 28:36

No, no, I just think that sometimes we have shop employees or owners truly in that situation. And it's yeah, what is it that can be done? And I think it's and whether you have a Gen Z, right, who don't confront anyone, they don't like the confrontation, and they might just walk away. And so sometimes we have to look within ourselves and go, did I some do something to lose res to lose their respect that maybe not want to be here?

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Yeah, so I think I would right, I and I've told um some shop owners this. I feel like I've been on like this recording lately, talking with business owners who've had employees leave lately, they younger in their 20s, and I've told them have an exit meeting. I don't care how you have to get them back in there, plead with them, have an exit meeting, figure out why it is because a lot of them, how they quit, they just don't show up. It's that much, but you have got to find out as painful as it might be, you got to figure out what's going on.

SPEAKER_04 29:46

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

You can't fix it if you don't, you know. So um, anyway, the last thing I wanted to leave you with with anyone with is the thing about respect, it's counterintuitive, right? Yeah, what we know us old women here is the best way to gain respect is to give it abundantly, just give it, give it to every single person you encounter, even if maybe you're wrong about them. That's okay. Yeah, I would rather give it and be wrong about them than reserve it, and then go, wow, I missed out. That was a good person. Now they don't want anything to do with me. I withheld my thoughts. Um, you don't win respect, you don't you can't really just demand it.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

No, like demand it for sure.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

No, right? With because I have great skills, people it's it's my at through my actions, through my relationships, through how I treat people, through how people see me as a person, how people see you as a person. They're watching us just like when your our kids were little and they're watching every little move we make. It's still happening, unfortunately. It's just people are a lot older, that's all. Exactly, exactly. So the the best advice to me is let everyone just observe your actions and draw their own conclusions.

SPEAKER_04 31:30

I love that, Lori. That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

So but I do respect my Vonda. And I respect my Laura. That's good. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

So please come back and join us to discover a little bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.