How do you Handle Employee Conflict in the Workspace?

Episode 181: Handling employee conflict in the workspace seems to be a subject that's not talked about often and not because it doesn't happen! Vonda and Lori share stories of real life experiences as well as tips as to when and how to intervene if necessary. 

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

You know, back in the day, one of the biggest things on the report card was that little line that says, plays well with others.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Welcome to the business and pleasure of flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda. Good morning, Lori. Good morning, Vonda. I learned um to take and hold your breath for like seven seconds. And it makes all the difference in the world in my body. Isn't that crazy? Oh, well, that's good to hear. All the difference. It's like, remember how when you and Ellie and I used to go, um, I mean, we still go to conventions and we still go on work trips, but we were obsessed with peppermint oil for a while, and we would take a little drops and we'd rub it in our hands and we would smell it. And it was like throughout our body to me, and I think it's after dealing with all of the long COVID crap, taking a breath and holding it for like seven to ten seconds, it's that same feeling for me. Isn't that weird? Wow. Well, hey, it's the little things in life.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

I know, I know. So I am just running around like a chicken with their head cut off because as this comes out on Tuesday, Eliana will be at next gen.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Yes, you will. You'll be in Miami.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Just wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

We'll be interacting.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

We'll be having so much fun. I'm very excited because the agenda, the classes, the sessions. Um, I'm I'm excited to go and be taught. Good. No, usually I'm going to teach, uh, but this time I get to be taught. And uh I even got a new spiral notebook to take my notes.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Awesome. I'm glad to hear that. And you know what? Speaking of happy, I was so happy when you sent me this message that says, This is what we need to talk about this week.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Yeah. And so we posted it a couple weeks ago, you know, like for hey, summertime, what do y'all want to hear about? What are you dealing with? And we got lots of good ideas. But then I got a text last week from our buddy Jen at Tilly's. Shout out, Jen. Shout out. Um, and she's like, here's an idea. Um, and she was listening to our podcast. It's not like something was happening in her shop at the time, so I don't want to make that clear for anyone that's listening. Um, but she was like, What about you know, like employee conflict, um, resolving it not necessarily from the perspective of like owners always having to resolve it? Because we've talked about that before, but yeah, is there anything out there about empowering employees to resolve their own conflict? And I was like, wow, that's a really good topic. Um, and it's kind of a tough topic because as I started researching, I was like, there isn't a lot. Um, but then you and I started talking about it. It's like there's we have a lot of like experience thinking through those things just from you running a flower shop and dealing with employees, and I'm sitting there thinking of all of these classroom memories, you know, of uh dealing with kids and remembering, you know, when even when I was uh, you know, I was a cheerleading coach and I know how silly that is, but you talk about high school girls dealing with stuff. I would literally put them, like three or four of them that were dealing with the drama that I couldn't do with in a classroom, shut the door and say, do not come out until this is over because you guys are toxic. We're gonna go on with our practice, and you're not even going to be cheering the first quarter. So resolve it. I don't care what the problem is, I just want it solved because it's stupid and I'm not dealing with it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

And by the time I walk in 30 minutes later, they're fine. And I would still not know what the problem was, but they figured it out. So yeah, I know that's a little extreme, and I probably would not be hired anymore. It's probably wrong, but I loved this idea.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

I think it's a great idea. And when you and I initially talked about it, there was the thought that you know the younger generation doesn't have the skill set to negotiate, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Or or to figure things out on their own and thinking back as far as, and this might be a stretch, but I don't think it is. So so hang with me. So uh, you know, my mom taught kindergarten for almost 40 years, and I was telling you, you know, back in the day, one of the biggest things on the report card was that little line that says, plays well with others, and you either get a satisfactory and you know, needs improvement, all of the stuff. And so I can remember, I have these memories of coming home from college for the holidays, and you know, she was still in the class, and I would always go to her classroom because I loved to watch her teach. And this was in the 80s, so again, and she had her own little schoolhouse, so you can just picture like people, cute little schoolhouse, and there was so much pretend time, play time sections where you know you're playing house, you're playing trucks, you're playing lots of teamwork, organized play, kids in groups having to figure things out. Okay, so we all have that visual. You fast forward to my youngest child who's 22 now. Um, he was in kindergarten in 2005, 2006, which was still a long time ago, but not now. He had to be put in title one reading because in kindergarten he was not reading efficiently enough. Wow, keep in mind my mom did not even teach reading, they had some spelling, yes, but her biggest goal was I am kind, I share, I don't hit or bite, right, and I can be nice and play well with others. And I was like, wow, I I'm not blaming schools, I'm a huge school advocate, you know that.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Yes, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

But I'm just saying, have we missed, have we gotten away from that? Maybe I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

I'm just saying that's an amazing point, Lori. It really is, because we are not really teaching them to work well.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

We gotta play well with others, we gotta negotiate, you know. We gotta learn, hey, I was playing here first with this truck. Let me take, let's take turns. Let's take turns, maybe. Let's do the I don't know. I don't know. It's just it's just the theory according to me. And so now my 22-year-old who has a lot of these same struggles that I hear other flower shop owners who are who are having trouble hiring employees, or they have them and there's issues, I'm like, ah, I can see that.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Yeah, yeah. And it's changed, but it's not changed. Yeah, right. When I owned the flower shop and we were running the flower shop, we had designers, we had you know, arrangers, we had people in the front, and it would happen that we had an older designer and you know, two younger designers, and they were all so different, but we always had one that I always called it an undercurrent. There's this undercurrent in the store because designer A, let's call her Pam, was oh, always watching everyone else, watching what was Picky Pam.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Let's just call her Picky Pam.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Okay, picky Pam was watching everyone and really comparing herself, how much better she was than this person. And you know, I can design so much faster, I can do this, I can do that, and this person is just a little bit slower, and I'm not sure I like the way she does this and I do that. So that was causing the undercurrent, and then then she would get picky on picky pam, yeah, picky pam how the speed, you know, the productivity and things that really didn't have anything to do with her responsibility, right? Her job. And I think that's kind of where we're going with this, is we've got to look at these things and say, you know, if you're having an issue with one of your co-workers, yeah, look at that and say, what's causing that? You know, what why is this bothering you, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Yeah, yeah. I think nowadays we call those um triggers. Like, and and as much as none of us like to believe it, we all have triggers. Yep. And the the secret is the quicker we learn what our triggers are, the healthier we become. I've learned that the hard way. Um, you own what your triggers are. So when something happens and you get that feeling immediately, if you're suddenly judging someone or whatever, you're like, you can identify, wow, why did that just trigger me? Yeah. And you can address it, and it kind of is almost a self-soothing moment, right? Where like, okay, I don't have to freak out. This isn't my problem. This is not my problem. So this reminds me of again, I don't want to keep talking about this, but my experience in dealing with this type of thing was not in a flower shop, as you know, it was in a classroom. And it's very similar. I'm managing teenagers instead of employees, but same thing, right? Same humans, I'm managing humans, yes, um, very hormonal humans, but but humans nonetheless. Um, and part of my job as is part of every good shop owner's job, and I truly believe this. I'm not just saying it, is you have to care about all of your employees, just like it's my job to truly care about if I'm going to be an effective teacher, I have to see something good in every one of my students. It's my job. If I can't, I have no business teaching that student and probably shouldn't be in that classroom because it's going to show I'm I'm with these people a long time, an entire school year. Something's gonna happen, right? Something's something's gonna trigger me. Yeah, something's gonna trigger me, and it's happened. Trust me, I have exploded. I'm not perfect, I have exploded in a classroom. So it is my job to find something good, which I 100% believe if you look hard enough, you will find something good in every single person on the planet. I mean everyone, even people in prison, even people that we deem unlovable, and and I know that that's a hefty thing to say. I know, but I will tell you, I believe it. There were times that there might be a student that I kid you not, all I could come up with was I told you this yesterday, his his shoes were clean, and and and I'm not exaggerating, like kids track muddy shoes in, it drove me nuts because they're just always dry mud, especially boys. I don't know, I don't know why. I don't know where the mud came from. It's just always mud, it's just always in my classroom. But this particular kid always had clean shoes, and that is what I focused on. Because if I didn't, whenever he would speak, whenever we had a conversation, whenever it was like nails on a chalkboard.

unknown 13:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Because you have to find the good in every single person. So what I would do if I was a manager or a business owner, and I was having my staff meeting, especially if I had some new staff coming in and I'm trying to rally my troops. This is that is something I would say at the beginning to make sure they understood this is one of my non-negotiables. Every single one of you need to focus on and find something good because there is something. I would not have hired you if I couldn't have found something great in each one of you, and there is something because every one of us are gonna have those days. You we all love one another here at Flower Click, but we all have those days, sure, throttle one another, that's just the way it is, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:28

And so you're challenging them to find that good in that fellow employee, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:35

So you're just on on those days you're triggered, you gotta bring up that good. Go, oh, but they have clean shoes, they have clean shoes. Yeah, I made seven arrangements to their one, um, but they had the clean, they have clean shoes. I gotta focus on that today. Yeah, I and and that because that's what's gonna de-escalate your frustration.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

So you're going to, as the manager owner, set up for success, really find that. First, you're gonna talk about the culture in the shop, you know, as you do many times. You know, we've had this conversation. Find respect, right? Right. What is it? The dignity, each one of the people that we've gone through. But then look and say, okay, what is that one thing that once I get triggered, I can go back to and help that. As a manager owner, I'm also supposed to really observe my staff, right? What's going on in there? And a lot of times that's hard. But one of the things that I always found is when I would go back there and it would be totally quiet. Nobody's talking to one another, and there's no communication whatsoever. Listen to the tone when they get on the phone and are with the customers. You can sometimes tell there's a little bit of a problem somewhere in that back room because of the tone that I'm hearing. And also, if I ask questions or they're asking questions to one another, and there's this really short answer. It's not a conversation. It's just, yes, I know that's right. And those are some signs to me that there's a little something going on back there. And I might want to either have a staff meeting, bring something up, or bring back this is the time for a little employee review. Hey, Lori, you know what? Come in the office a minute. I really have a question I need to ask you. Yeah. Make it upbeat and not like somebody's getting in trouble. But then bring back your employees one by one and talk to them to see what it is that's bothering them. Because again, you know, it's probably nothing that they're supposed to solve. It's not even probably any of their business, but you got to get them to open up communication and let you know what's going on. Because I think you talked to earlier, if they start to tell each other how frustrated they are with one another, you know, it just goes downhill from there.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Yeah. No, I I agree. And that goes along with, you know, we talk about leadership all the time, but that's that's one of the signs of a good leader is having those conversations, giving to the truth. Um, it's so easy to just walk back in your office and shut the door and ignore the silence, the awkward silence, because you don't want to deal with it and you're like, fine, whatever. But you talk about your productivity going down and your customer service going down when there's a huge elephant walking around out there.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah, exactly. It really does make a difference, and it's hard to observe that sometimes, but uh oftentimes it's it's what you're not hearing that makes you go, whoa, there's something happening back here.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Yeah, that's a really good part. Did you back in the day, did you have like a go-to employee that you knew would give you the scoop?

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Or no, I wouldn't say. I had one employee I would bring back, and every time I would say something, she would start to cry.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

But then she would finally talk.

unknown 18:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

You would get it out of her.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

You get it out of her.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Yes, you're right. I probably the one the crier would tell me more what was going on because she was so sensitive and she didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Yeah. But yeah, you're right. She would probably be the one that would give me the truth. The other one would just be like, you know, yeah, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

So you had to pick your poison, which you needed someone just to tell you the facts and be done, and then let you figure out whether you want to deal with it.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

The other thing you brought up yesterday when we were kind of brainstorming this. Um, and what's funny is as we brainstormed it, we realized again, with all of our experience, we don't that's what we just should share, just what has worked for us. Your biggest thing was the when sometimes when your employees, when there was conflict among them, a lot of the times the conflict with a person getting mad about the stuff, you're like, how does that even affect you? Yeah, it's exactly right. That I'm the one that owns the business. So financially it affects me. Why? That's not your problem.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

That's I think what we came up with, the number one question as an employee who's in that situation. It's like, why is that even bothering me? It doesn't have anything to do with what you're paying me. Employees don't understand that maybe they're working side by side, and employee employee Lori is like, she's kind of slow at design because she hasn't been doing this very long. And then we have maybe it's Picky Pam, who's a fast designer, and she thinks everybody should design like her, but she doesn't realize that Picky Pam maybe is getting paid a heck of a lot more than Lori because she is getting paid based on her productivity, and we know that's not as much right now, and we're gonna increase that as we go. So I think that's a lot of things you're not on the even playing field, many of the employees, but you think you are, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:34

You think you are, you think it's justified, and it that goes back to you know how destructive the art of uh comparison is. Yeah, you know, why it's just just worry about yourself, you know. We tell our children that all you just worry about yourself, you don't worry about the person next to you, you just worry about yourself. That's that's that's what we're talking about. Like you just focus when it comes to your job, yes, be helpful, be a team player, but when it comes to things like that, just yeah, be a team player because nothing's worse than the two employees or three, whatever, not being happy with one another, and somebody's putting out shoddy work and the other one is not doing anything.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

That's a whole different thing, it is, but a lot of times they're just like, Well, you know, if that's what she's gonna do, she's gonna get herself in trouble. Well, you know what? You've you've got to work for that's a whole different thing.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

If if someone looks at if so, let's do that scenario. It's one thing if I'm slow and steady like a turtle, okay? But if I'm doing stuff and you're looking over and you're like, God, her work is just not really up to Vonda's flower shop standard, it's not good. You have two choices. To number one, if you were my employee and I trained you well, my expectation would be you go over and go, Hey, do you want some help? Are you, you know, do you feel good about this? I'd love to give you some tips. You know, let me let me help you, blah blah blah. If I'm defensive, I'm like, no, I think it looks fabulous, and I'm not willing to take help and think it's beautiful. My only other option is to go give my manager, not like run and tattle, but give you a heads up. I want to do some crawl quality control before this goes out. I'm I'm a little concerned it's not gonna be up to your standards. That's my only job. I'm done. Right. You take it from there. I've relinquished it, I saw it, I know my boss's standards. I tried to be encouraging. She didn't want my help. I took it to you. You're the authority. Done. Would you agree, or is there something I would be missing here?

SPEAKER_00 23:08

No, I think that's you're gonna be kind, you're gonna be helpful, a team player. And but I think a lot of times that depends on what that relationship was to start with, right? And if the two there's already conflict, and now you're telling me what to do. Now I am gonna say my I'm fine, I don't need anything from you. Right. But if you have always just been very kind to me, and you know, you just are doing your job and we're kind of exchanging ideas, and then you say, Oh, you know what? Can I make a suggestion? And and I would say, Of course you can. What do you think? Yep, and I would be totally open to it, but it kind of depends on what that relationship was to start with.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

And that's why it's so important to start out on a good note, right? And to start out with, hey, this is gonna be kind of your mentor, she's gonna help show you the rope, she's been here for a long time. I trust her with my life, she knows exactly what we do, you know, whatever. So I know I can go to you.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

That's it's it all comes down to setting it up when that new employee comes on. It all comes up to that expectations when they come. Because if you don't, you get somebody on and they they don't realize that you know Lori's gonna be your mentor. And you know, if Lori's not here, then Susie's gonna be your next mentor because we're all here to help one another. We're we're here for the success of every one of you and the success of the business. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Last scenario I'm gonna throw at you. Um you have employees every time there's drama or conflict, we're gonna say conflict. I hate the word drama. Okay. Every time there's conflict, there is the constant variable is always the same employee in it. At what point do you get involved? And what do you do about it?

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Well, this actually happened. Okay, and it was one of my very best employees. She was fabulous on the phone, and she was super fast in design.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Oh gosh, a designer. That's the worst.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

She was a really good worker as far as you know, productivity, answering your phone, good sales, but she uh thought that she was the best and put herself out like that and treated everyone else in that same manner. Gave her had many conversations with her.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

And then after about, I suppose I let it go for a month after that. And I just went out one morning. Actually, somebody came with me, another employee, and we said, you know, pack your stuff up, you've got to go.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

So give me like what was your conversation like? Like, how did she respond in your call?

SPEAKER_00 26:32

So it was um understand. Did she I went out observing? So I was able to point out specific things. You know, when you come off the conversation on the phone and you hand that order to somebody, you just say to them, This needs to be done now, and I expect it to be done in 10 minutes. Um, things that were setting up expectations. It wasn't even her job to do that, but she was being the authority in our design room and putting down others. So she was very condescending in the way she was reaching out to others and telling them to do things. It was just it in my conversations were you would need to really watch what you're doing. You're doing a great job answering the phone, and your designing is fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

So she was kind to customers, kind to customers. It was just the other employees.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

It was the, as I'm saying, an undercurrent in the store. Nobody wanted to be in the store the days she worked. They would be like, uh no, I'm not gonna work on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday because I can't work with her.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

And so was she shocked when you talked to her about it? Like she didn't see it, or was she like, Okay, okay, yeah, I am mean?

SPEAKER_00 27:53

She the first time, no, she said, Oh no, I I, you know, kind of denial. Okay, the next time it was the three-strike thing, right? Because when you have somebody who is that good, you yeah, it is so hard to get rid of them. But then you're just like, wait a minute, you know, I've got these other three designers who are really good who are not being productive, who are like little timid mice here because they're being like almost like they're being whipped. Yeah. So the second time, then she's like, and then the third time she was just like, Yeah, that's just the way I am. I'm just that's the way I am. And I really thought I could change, but I really can't. And so then I let it go and I'm like, Wow. Was she surprised when you let her go? Yes, she really was really surprised because she would thought she was above that. She thought that we needed her so much in that position that we would never have let her go.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

I think that is the perception a lot of people have sometimes about their job. Um, and that, and it's fascinating to me that that they feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

What happened though, for all you listeners, anybody who has that situation, I will tell you, my employees rose to the occasion. Three designers who were there after someone was let out the door, they worked harder and learned more and really accelerated themselves. Uh, you know, you you don't know that until that happens. But I gosh, Lori, I hadn't even thought of that for years. Yeah, but yeah, it was it was a very unfortunate position. It was a hard thing to do, but it was the best thing for sure, everyone in in the shop.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Yeah, I know some of our flower click members, I think that one of them, God, I remember one of them had to do that right before was it Valentine's Day last year, not this year, but the last year. And uh it was almost that exact same scenario, and she was just in tears because she was like, I don't know what to do. I I know what I need to do, but I don't want to do it because it was that same thing, but her employees were like, We're we refuse because it was it was the condescending uh feeling they were receiving from her, and every one of our members rallied around her. I like got tears just reading the support. They were all like, you know what you have to do, you have and people were just posing, do it, do it now. We've all been there, and she did, and like they rallied, they all stayed late the whole week. They just all and she's like, it was it was definitely literally an answer to prayer. It was beyond what it was beyond better than she thought it would be.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

You know, if you're the owner or manager and you don't want to come into your own flower shop because of this person, yeah, you need to go. This is your place, not theirs.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Yes, yes. Wow, yeah, that should never, ever, ever be a feeling. And it makes me sad to think that there are shops. I mean, I've talked to owners that have had that feeling that have almost felt held hostage by their by their employees, and I'm like, gosh.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

So you know that if that's happening, there's conflict with those employees as well. Oh, yeah. So again, you know, we have to say, if you're in that situation, first thing is take a step back. Um, if you're in a conflict situation with coworkers, ask yourself, why is it bothering me? And it's is it something I should be worrying about? And if it really is something bothering me very deeply, first go to the manager owner, have that conversation, because it's not something you probably want to attack a coworker and have to do worth it.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

It's not worth it, it's not worth it. Um, especially when usually we say those things in the heat of the moment, and then later we're like, like, you know, you and I have joked about. Did I say that out loud or am I? I can't remember. My outside voice. Oh that's my outside voice. Dang it. I didn't mean to do that. Yeah. All right. Another one down. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.