Gaining Wisdom as we Bloom: Truths We Wish We Knew In Our 20's

Episode 224: In this thought-provoking episode, hosts Vonda and Lori delve into the insightful reflections of Eric Partaker's blog post, "20 Harsh Truths at 47 I Wish I Knew at 27." As they relate these timeless truths to their experiences in life and the floral industry, they explore the idea that with age comes wisdom and the perspective to appreciate the lessons learned along the way.

Join us as we navigate through the intersections of personal growth, timeless wisdom, and the evolution of the floral industry. Whether you find yourself nodding in agreement or challenging these truths, this episode offers a heartfelt exploration of the transformative power of experience and reflection. 

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Your journey will be paved with failures, rejections, and heartbreaks. You're either winning or you're learning. I love that. You're not losing, you're learning. Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Lori, we were having a little bit of a conversation about how when we get older, we get wiser. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

We get wiser, but we also get more forgetful. True.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

That is true. So there's there's pros and cons. Well, of course. You have to be appreciative that you are aging. Yes. Because the alternative is not good. No, no, you're right. You're right. But we do become wiser. I mean, as we watch our children, or as we watch people that are in our industry that are doing some things, you're just like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yeah, I have young adult children, years or older, and getting wiser. But my young adult child that's still living at home, I sometimes watch him and think, my goodness, when is that frontal lobe going to fully develop? I am still waiting for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Well, I was getting my hair cut this week. New girl who was really great. She was just a lot of fun. And she's got a 21-year-old, 19, and a 16. Yeah. And she said how hard it is to step back and watch this 16-year-old make mistake. Yeah. And we've all been there, right? Is it a boy or a girl? Oh, it was a boy. Yeah. Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah. And her point was, I could tell him that he shouldn't, or that the this or that. Yeah. One, he's not going to listen. No. And two, he's not going to learn if I tell him anyway. So no. You just have to keep him safe, she said. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

We deal with that same thing with our young 20s-year-old son who's still in school and he's working and he lives at home. And that's fine. But we have just in the past few weeks lovingly told him he needs a plan to exit our home. We will continue to help him out with school, but he needs to figure out a plan. And so he did. So he has a four-month exit plan with a friend, and he's actually kind of excited about it. And we are excited for him. And I think it's just it's good. It's healthy. And it's time. It's time for him. It's time for me. It's time for me to quit worrying. Is he gonna get up and go to class? What do I need to make him for dinner? Like I'm done. Yeah, I'm sure you are, Laura.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

You know, and he needs to learn things on his own. Yes. Well, very good. Well, congratulations on that.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

Yeah, well, just make sure and pray that it actually gets executed.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

That's true. That's the goal. No, no, if he's excited about it, it will happen. Yeah. I mean, it's not like you're pushing the whole thing. He's come up with the plan. Yeah. You've given him wings. Now it's his turn to fly. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

We all feel it's time it's in the best interest of everyone.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

So well, this article that we're going to talk about today was shared by a podcast listener. From Sarah Botchik from Pioneer Airports of Sales. Thank you. Shout out to Sarah. She's one of our great listeners. Yeah. Our loyal fans. Yes. And this is called 20 Harsh Truths at 47. I wish I knew when I were 27. Yeah. And it's by Eric Partaker. And it looks like he's like a coach, right? Like a leadership coach.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Probably some kind of coach leader. It actually says he was named CEO of the Year at the 2019 Business Excellence Awards, which I've never heard of that, but it sounds like a big deal. Maybe they made it up. I don't know, but it sounds like a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

It does sound like a big deal. So shout out to Eric. Right. Congratulations on that. And let's let's kind of go through these because they really did speak to us. Yeah, they did.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Okay. So number one, as a leader or a manager. So again, we interchange those words a lot because I think any manager also needs to have leadership skills, right? When something isn't going as planned, the first step, the very first thing you need to do is to look in the mirror. And what that means is look at yourself. Is it something you are doing that is causing the issue?

SPEAKER_01 5:34

And at 27, you think it's everybody else's fault. Of course.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Well, now sometimes at 37, Fonda, we think it's everybody else. That's true. You know, and that is a hard, hard truth. And I think, you know, in going back to all of the leadership research that we have done in Flower Click and reading multiple books and going through the masterclasses about leadership, that is leadership one on 101. It starts with you, right? Starts with you. That's right. It starts with you. What are you doing? And I think that's parenting 101 also. Isn't it though? When there's chaos in the home between the kids, sit there and think, All right, what am I doing? I know when my world was in chaos, typically my kids' world was chaotic. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

True. Wow. Okay, number two, business can be ruthless. Even if you play fair, don't expect others to do the same. You know, I talk to business owners and they're like, Yeah, but my competition did this, I did this, and then they copied me. And you know, it not everybody plays fair.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

You know what the worst part of this one is? When I was reading it, I was thinking of some of our flower click members who had employees that they just nurtured and led and trained up. And some of those, and then those employees left and opened their own flower shop, like in the same town. Yeah. And just totally, you know, ruthless. I I can think of two particular instances where that happened, and the employees were young. Let's pretend they were 27 or you know, young, and in their mind, they did nothing wrong. Sure. They're like, look, I'm opening up mine. And the the business owner that did all of the work, you know, in trade is like, oh my gosh, now you're my competitor. It's that self-awareness. Yes. Oh, I get that. I get that, you know. You have no idea what they do. Yeah, I agree. Just know there have been some small businesses in the same tiny town where that employee could have gone one town over. Right. Right. What I mean, and really it wouldn't have been as big a deal. So yeah. Yeah, it is sad when that happened. Yeah, it really is. This one I get. Unlocking your full potential may alienate you. Not everyone's gonna understand or support your drive. Whew.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Isn't that the truth?

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Yeah, yeah. I think of a lot of people in this industry that I've had conversations with, because I always like to say, How'd you get started in this business? Like, how'd you open your own business? Maybe they came from a finance background, or they came from a more different type of background, and they they came into this and they fell in love with it. And their parents were like, What are you doing? Why are you changing? You know, or whatever. No one was supportive, but they loved this industry. They had always wanted to go into this industry, and they followed their heart and their passion, even though people weren't supporting them.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Yeah, that's so true. Because they look at that, do you want to go into the floral industry? Are you kidding me? You're in the medical field. Why would you want to do that? Right. Number four, resilience isn't good enough. You must go beyond resilient, you must become anti-fragile, whereby the more hit you take, the stronger you become. Boy, is that ever true?

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Yeah, that's not something I'm good at. Yeah. It's true, but in real life, I don't know that all of us are equipped to become anti-fragile. I I don't know. I mean, being super transparent and honest, I don't know if my being has the ability to go beyond resilient. I think there are certain things I can slough off and be okay, but I don't know. I think that is just part of my DNA. It is.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

I think I would have to agree with that. Uh, that it's a personality thing as well. Yeah. Some people can't be anti-fragile that it's just not in not wired that way.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Yeah. It's it's literally part of who I am, unless maybe I was on Valium constantly, you know, and like in some sort of zombie state where I was anti-feeling. I I don't I don't know, but I understand having to be resilient. I get that. You have to be able to bounce back.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Right. And I've had many people say to me, Oh, I'm so sorry you've gone through this, or you've gone through, and you probably have too. But I always say, no, don't be sorry. It's made me the person I am today. I'm stronger and wiser. And I'm not gonna say I'm not fragile, I will not indifferent, but I am a little resilient from those kinds of things.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Yes, yes. I think you are way more resilient than I am. I think you're just wired that way. I'm wired that way, yeah, because you're wired like Mark, my husband. That's why you're my work husband.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

That's why we get along so well. Well, number five is perfect, then. Your journey will be paved with failures, rejections, and heartbreaks. You're either winning or you're learning. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

You're not losing, you're learning. I love that so much. You're either winning or you're learning. And I think so many times when we're learning, we look at it as failure or losing. And we do that a lot, you know. A fail a flower click, we'll try something and it didn't necessarily work. We learn from those things. You're not losing, we're like, oh, well, that one didn't work. Okay, so let's go back around and try something different.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Exactly. Yeah, that's okay. That's how we but had we not tried it, we had never known. We wouldn't have learned from it. We wouldn't have been that much wiser, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:09

And I think one of the things we were just talking about at Shop Talk with our members this week, we're talking about the Mother's Day mix. You know, we have a couple of items on there that are a little trendy, a little new. Well, the totes aren't new because we had those at Valentine's Day and they were a big hit, but a lot of people were a little scared of them. Oh, yeah. And a bunch got on board and now they love them. And I saw on Instagram just this morning that one of our shops was highlighting them and like, look at these, these are our best sellers. And I was like, golly, this is they've gone so far, right? And that's the thing. Just you're learning, you're learning. Hey, try something new. It might work. This one, of course, is my number one. Leadership is not about power, control, or status, it is about serving others, even when it's uncomfortable or inconvenient. Yeah, that is 100%. Leadership is not about being on top, it's not about being on stage and everyone looking at you and going, look at me, I'm the line leader. I'm so cool. It's about elevating everybody else around you. That's a sign of a good leader. And people get that backwards all the time.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

They do, Lori. And you are so good at trying to get people to understand this because it's it's a hard one to understand. It really is. It really is.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

I think because you go back to kindergarten and you get to be line leader for the week, and that means you're the front of the line and everybody has to follow you, right? And so we get that instilled in our mind. Truly, the leader is just the person modeling for you, and it's the people going, man, I want to be like that person in action and in word and in everything. And then they outgrow you, and then they grow other people, and then those people grow other people, and it just goes on and on and on. That's what a leader does.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Yeah, yeah. 100%. The next one, the world is nonlinear. You've heard this probably before. 20% of your actions will create 80% of your results. 20% of the people in your life will lead to 80% of your opportunities. Your job is to identify those 20%. What's the old 80-20 rule? Yep. 80-20. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

That's crazy. 20% of the people in your life will lead to 80% of your opportunity. Isn't that crazy to think about? Mm-hmm. But it kind of leads to the other one, number eight. It's just as important to decide who you will no longer spend time with as it is who you will. Yeah. That one my mom used to always say, Let me be known by the company I keep. Ooh. She would always say that. And when I was reading through these, that was her voice was ringing in my ear. Let me be known by the company I keep. Let me be known by the company I keep. And as a kid, I didn't really like those were just words, you know, that didn't really make sense. But as I got older, I'm like, wow, that's really true. Let me be known by the company I keep. When other people see me, you know, you think about when you're in a group and you're out and other people see Vandala Fever and who is the company she keeps around her? Who are her people? They're like, oh, interesting. I mean, that's really very true.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

What people gravitate to her, who are her people. But on the other side of that, I remember my very first AIFD symposium with Herb Mitchell. Most of you have never heard that name before, but he was a writer for a magazine and he was just a really great person. I went up to him at a symposium with stars in my eyes. I was like, oh my gosh, this is Herb Mitchell. And uh he said, Welcome to your first symposium. He was so kind. And he said, just remember, don't gravitate to the people who you think will take you somewhere, but get to the people who are sincere and that are like-minded and you want to be with. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

So again, I guess that's no, that's it, right? That's who you should be with. And it was so like-minded, sincere people like you.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

That's who you should be with. The company was just super cool. I mean, well, that was that was before you were born, maybe I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

No. Oh, this is a good one. Your job isn't to master everything, your job is to correctly identify which should be mastered, then find the person who's 10 times better than you at doing it.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Yeah, isn't that interesting? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

I think we're good at that at Flower Click. We each are pretty compartmentalized. We know, like, I know my job isn't to master website management, no, you know, or bundle operations or you know, all of those things. Like we all know what our compartment is.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yeah, we really do. We have an amazing team because everybody is where they need to be at this point.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

And I think flower shop owner, or at least our members, that's a lot of reason why they become members, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Right. Because they're not really great at those things. And so they're like, hey, you know, why don't we outsource something that we're not experts at? Let me continue to design.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Let me find somebody that's 10 times better than them at website management, which is us, and they move on.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Love that. This one is interesting to unlock your full potential, you have to face your own demons. Yeah, it's an inner journey as much as it is an outer one.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

Yeah. Yeah, this is true. It sucks, but it's true. It's important for us to know what our weaknesses are as much as our strengths. And I think for this one, as hard as it is, you need to have a trusted friend or coworker or spouse, someone in your life that can help you walk through what your, for lack of a better word, weaknesses are in a non-condescending judgmental way. Somebody, it's gotta be someone you trust that's you're not gonna get defensive when they say, you know what I mean? You know what I mean. Depends on the person telling you what your weaknesses are, right? Um because once we say those out loud, like for me, I know I'm pretty aware of what they are. I write those things down, and you have to face them and you gotta walk through them, and you gotta know what your flaws are. It's okay, we all have them. We all have them. And it is, it's a journey, it's a journey to speak through those and almost have accountability with people.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

This one is thought-provoking. If you're given five extra minutes at your deathbed, you won't use it to close another deal. You'll hug your loved one a little longer. You'll tell them how much you love them, how much you care. Remember this today. Yeah. Don't that's don't just move on on that one. It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Just remember. Yeah. Yeah. That's a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

There's uh A hospice nurse on TikTok. She just wrote a book. It's actually a bestseller right now on Amazon. I cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of it, but I follow her and she has some amazing stories. And she talks about this. And she tells so many stories about end of life and last words. And they're beautiful, very uplifting stories. And she says, you know, never ever ever has a person talked about like regretting any kind of like business deal. They never go down that road or money or finances. It's always about family or friends or loved one or pets or you know, something like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

At the end, it's just all about love and caring. And so we just have to take the time to do that even in the midst of the day.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

Yeah. I mean let's see, what's the next one here? Relentless consistency and hard work are cornerstones of success. If you're not where you'd like to be, you're probably not ticking both of those boxes.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

I think there's a lot of hard workers, but then they go in spurts and they're not consistent. Consistency's hard.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

It is. It is one of the hardest things for me, too. I mean, consistency is tough. Like in social media, that's the worst. Yeah. When I talk to flower shops, I was just on a call yesterday. It's the worst. It's so hard to be consistent. If you don't love it, there are people who are scrolling. Honestly, I don't know many people that do, including me. I mean, I like to scroll just like the post. Yes, right. Yeah. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

You see people on there, they've got to love it. Otherwise, they wouldn't be there like that.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

There's some people, but I'm just saying the people I talk to. Normal business owner, flower shop owner doesn't, because they don't have time. And when do scroll, you're in bed and you're mindless and you're bored and you're winding down for the winding down. Right. And that's not when your mind is like, ooh, I'm gonna post this. No. You know what I mean? So it's tough. Consistency's hard in any business.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Totally, totally. Oh, this is another leadership one, Lori. Leadership includes making tough, unpopular decisions. It's less about being liked and more about being genuinely respected. It's kind of that connection between leadership and respect. You're making hard decisions, but as a leader, it's not saying this here, it's the way you execute that leadership with respect to one another, then you're gonna get respect in return. Yes. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

100%. Okay, I found the book. Sorry, I'm going back to the hospice book. It is called The In Between Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments by Hadley V L A H O S, number one bestseller. In grief and loss. Yes. Okay. Yeah. It's a very uplifting book. It'd be a good book for anyone that's dealing with any kind of grief. Okay, back to our list. I just driving me crazy. It's just called the embedded.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

I'm glad you found it. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Business isn't about making money, it's about creating value. When you focus on the value, the money follows.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

I think that's so true. I think it's very true.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

I think it's true, but it's a hard concept.

unknown 26:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Because we usually, I mean, you know, business, you gotta make money, right? But if you create the value, the money will follow.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

I I had a really good conversation with a business owner. Oh, it's probably been over a year ago. And it wasn't a flower shop, but it was a business owner who had been in business a while and was always focused on the spreadsheet, always focused on, okay, we got to get to this point, we got to get to this point, which is a numbers-driven type of business, which is where we need to be, right? As far as business owners. But when he shifted from looking at the spreadsheet all the time and focused towards the customer and the value they were getting, his whole business changed. It was one of those heartwarming things, you're like, wow. And he had been in business for many years, but that shift to go to, okay, I'm going to quit looking at my spreadsheets every single day and trying to see where we're falling short and what we need to do, and change that to let's look at the customer, let's look at the product we're giving, let's look at the value we have, and change the business completely around and the success of that business. Really cool. So this is so so true. Yeah. And again, it was as he got older, right? As you get older, you get wiser, or you just understand that it's about the people. And then when that happens, then the money will come.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Yeah. Well, here's another one that we know this great leaders listen more than they speak. They appreciate the value of understanding different perspectives. I talked about this in my empathy presentation. Active listening.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

It's a thing like learning how to listen. Everybody thinks, oh, I can listen. Well, there's an art to it. Actively listening.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

And you always say listen to understand. Not to respond. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

It's there's such a big difference. And the ability to understand different perspectives is huge. Huge. That's a part of cognitive empathy to be able to understand, especially if you're a flower shop owner and let's say some of your employees are having issues. You can mediate, right? That's what a good leader with any kind of cognitive empathy, you can take your emotion out of it and understand different perspectives. That's that's an example.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

But when you're younger, you don't even realize there are other perspectives. It's all well, that's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Some yeah, yes, right. You're very right. We're going from when you're younger to now it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There is no other perspective except mine. Yeah. Anyway. Exactly. That happens a lot.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

Yes. As we move on, the next one, you honestly have no clue what you're capable of. Your full potential is far beyond what you believe it to be. Don't limit yourself. And I think you are an example of this one, Lori, because you, however many years ago, had no idea that you would be up on stage influencing so many people and sharing what you know, your knowledge, your understanding, and having people weeping at what you're telling them because they're so connecting with them for being such an amazing speaker, which I mean, my gosh, when I met you, you wouldn't have even dreamt of doing that. You had no idea that was even in your potential. No. And you didn't limit yourself because here you are. I there you were. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

I don't know where you'll be again. Who yeah, no, the only time I had done that was in a classroom or in a Sunday school class, right? I mean, I never really thought of a group, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I never really thought about doing it, but yeah, we have no clue what we are capable of if we have an open mindset and allow our gifts to be at work, right? And a lot of times we let fear, which I will tell you, you know, there's a healthy amount of fear that comes along with those things. But my advice to anybody, young, middle-aged, old, whatever, is do not allow fear to win. Right? Fear is the enemy of all of that. Don't let it win. Don't let it win. Unlock that potential, right? Exactly. This one, again, is my my motto. As a leader, you must role model the behaviors you want to see. Don't expect reliability if you're unreliable yourself. I say this all the time: be the role model you wish you had if you don't have one in your life. If you are an employee and your manager isn't the role model you wish you had, you need to become the role model you wish you had. You have it in you. If you are smart enough to wish you had a role model, then you have the ability to be the role model for everybody else around you. Right. That's the whole thing. That's the thing. You will change lives. You are already a leader in the making if you are cognitively aware that you need a role model. That's what I was gonna say, even knowing that, yeah, right? Yes, you are already a leader. So start modeling how you wish someone would be for you.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

I love that. So here were these harsh truths, things we wish we would have known 20, 30 years ago. And I I don't know. Sometimes I think, do we really wish we would have? Because what we have learned along the way is, I don't know, pretty amazing.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

I don't, I don't know. I think, I think it's okay. I mean, better late than never, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:15

I love that. And so I'm just gonna wrap it up with one of the earlier ones that you said, and and it's so true is your journey will be paved with failures, rejections, and heartbreaks. You're either winning or you're learning. Yep. So keep learning.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

So please come back and join us to discover a little bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset and take you to new levels in life and business.