Think Before You Type: Navigating Social Media & Workplace Conversations

Episode 272: Ever scrolled through social media and cringed at the comments? Vonda and Lori dive into the all-too-common issue of online negativity and how it translates into real-world interactions—especially in the workplace. From handling tough conversations with employees to setting social media boundaries, they share practical steps for engaging with empathy, checking emotions, and fostering productive discussions. Plus, they reveal how a simple shift in phrasing can turn confrontation into curiosity. Tune in for some eye-opening insights, a little humor, and a whole lot of wisdom on keeping things positive in business and beyond!

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Asking, may I share with you the information I know about this community? Because I I work in this community and I'd like to share with you why it's important.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

And we believe the business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda. Good morning, Lori. Good morning. Oh, I forgot to fill up my water. We'll get through this fast enough. Fill it up later. Okay. About a half a cup. So that should hopefully get me through it.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

So how are you this morning? I am good. I was a little frustrated of things that I was listening to, I guess reading as I was scrolling through social media this week. And so I reached out to you and I said, Lori, this is a tough subject to bridge, but gosh, we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

I know. And I saw your Slack, which is us the little app we use, and I was like, uh, Honda, do we really want to do this? And then I was like, you know what? This is the the business side. I don't know. Not too much pleasure. Well, it is business because it is about managing your social media, it's managing how you act as an influencer or a person in the industry. It's about managing possibly your team. So we're gonna kind of get into that. It is a very, I'm gonna use the word volatile right now, just because that's the word that came to my mind. Time right now for a lot of people. There's a lot of feelings.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Yes, yeah. It wasn't even around what's happening in the world. So I'll be on a Facebook group that's for florists, right? It's not there's many of them out there. There's many out there, and most of you listening are on one or two or three of them, you know, or more. Right. And this wasn't our members' group. This was this was not our members' group, and so it was, I don't know, florists on Facebook. One of one of those. Yeah. And it was reading through, and somebody was asking a question about running a business, and it was a kind of a a good question.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

But some that not everybody would know, you know. So it's like something that obviously for me and seasoned florists, it's like, okay. Absolutely. But people were going on, and some people, which I will call out, Ralph Giordano, gave this is what is a really good best practice. Yes. And then other people were going on and giving a little bit of advice. Then somebody chimes in, Lori, and says, that's a stupid question. And somebody else came on and went, duh, you know how to do that. I mean, I'm like, what the heck? What in the world? What purpose does that serve to be so unkind? Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

It doesn't. It doesn't. I have said this so many times, said this to my children when they started getting on like Facebook, you know, back in the day, or MySpace, or whatever the things were when they first started. And I have said this to when I taught in a classroom, I say this all the time. For some strange reason, there are people on this planet that feel so powerful behind a keyboard. And I don't know if it is a lack of self-awareness issue that their brain is not connected to their hands. Like they're not, I honestly, I'm sure there's some Harvard studies out there that I haven't read yet that I would love to read about it. I'm sure there's some studies like because it is beyond me how people can be so ugly in our city here. We have like a foodies group because you know, I love me some food. You should do. You know, people will go and then they will review the restaurant, and they really try to highlight local places, which I'm all in. Some people will just give their honest reviews, and sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. That is the point. And when they're bad, it's not a horrendous review. I mean, sometimes you get those kind of people you can figure out they're kind of the weirdos, but some of the comments, and I'm like, this is their honest review. Why are you bashing them for giving an honest review? Like so hateful. But it's it's that same thing that you're talking about, and I I don't get how that is going to help the person who wrote the post be productive in life. Like, how are you encouraging them? How are you helping that florist who's trying to start a business? How are you lifting them up?

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Well, they obviously aren't, right? And I keep going back to what my father said, and probably your dad. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

That was your mouth is what you say, basically. Like, don't do that. Just don't.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

No. So in all of this, I was like, okay, so I found five steps to think about before you even engage in that conversation. Kind of like go through your mind. Of course, you're not getting involved. Okay, one, two, three. But so often we just like react. We don't have a reason, obviously, who's gonna say duh, who's gonna say it's a stupid question. Yes. Uh whether it's written or verbal, because sometimes I know later in this you're gonna talk to me about in a flower shop. Yeah, yeah. Before we post, you know, first clarify the purpose. Why are you even responding to that? If you don't have anything constructive to say, why do you even want to participate in that answer? Right? Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

Absolutely. The second one that you have here, which is always my number one. Always, because you know, this is I live my life in a heightened state of this all the times at any given time, is emotion. Check emotions, yeah. Reading or hearing whatever that person said or wrote, what emotion am I feeling at that time, even if it is complete joy, Renee Tucci and I. I'm sorry I'm digressing, but I have a point of saying I don't know if it was an AIMD or what. And we had a conversation about this, it was very short, and then she commented something the other day on our Instagram, and I got so tickled because I'm like, this is me too. We almost have to apologize, people, because we want to use all caps and exclamation points at everything because we're so excited about stuff, and we need them to feel the excitement, like it's so important, but this is where that comes in. Like, I have to check myself. Nope, this person doesn't know me that well. So I have to maintain some type of professionalism. So, you know, whether it's a positive emotion or a negative one, I have to check myself before I respond here. This says keep calm and collected. Yeah, that and and and that's super that's not you work. Actually, I will say when it's a negative emotion, it is very easy because I know I gotta I need to walk away. I gotta think about this. I typically, because I've done that for so long, because when I get a negative emotion, you know, everyone in the world knows I have a negative emotion by looking at my face.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Life drains from me. And you're like, uh oh, what happened? Where did she go?

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Okay. Are you are you okay, Lori? We always say, are you okay?

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Right?

SPEAKER_03 8:31

I gotta go get him in my swimming pool for a minute.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

But yeah, check those emotions before you and approach the conversation with curiosity, not confrontation. I think that is so good because that's the problem. You could tell they want to be confrontational.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Well, yeah, that's the problem right now in all of social media worlds. Again, that's why we feel brave behind the this little tapy tap keyboards.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

So the next one is consider the other perspective, right? What is the other person who's writing this? Where are they coming from? It's obviously not the same place you are if you're feeling like you need to go get in your swimming pool. You know, there's a word for that, Fonda. And I teach a whole class on that, and that would be called empathy. That's it. That's the one. Practicing empathy. Practicing empathy can reduce defensiveness and foster more open dialogue. And you have an amazing course on this class.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

And it's hard. There's good news, bad news with that is it's very, very hard to practice empathy when it doesn't come easily, naturally. But the good news is it can be learned. We know that. Science tells us that it can be learned, but it takes practice. The next one, this one helps me a lot too, especially, like I said, when I'm having conversations with my husband or people that don't feel the same way as I do, and we want to have a healthy discussion about something that we don't see eye to eye on is gather your thoughts and facts. So, you know, I'm a big fact person because I want to know what is the truth here? What am I dealing with? You and I had a conversation earlier about this or something else. And earlier I was like, wait a minute, something doesn't sit well with me. I need to go to the source. I need to do research and really, really digest this. And and I think the key here is when you are gathering your thoughts and your facts, you have to make sure they are truly facts. I I can go look for facts that still just prove my point. Yes, you can. That is so true, Lawrence. What's scary in our world, right? It is. And that's why, as frustrated as I can get living with my wonderful husband, it's a check and checks and balance, which is actually a beautiful thing because it causes us both to have to go, hmm, okay, well, let's look into this. And we can look okay and come up with, oh, here's the real truth. And we have to sit with that and look at it from each other's point of view. And sometimes one of us is secretly rejoicing, and sometimes the other one is, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

But it's so correct that you have to find the right resource. I mean, golly, that gets harder and harder and harder. It does, it so does. I mean, perfect example is when you're looking up medical things, right? Something you have some kind of a problem, and you're like, you look up and it's like, oh, it tells you this, it tells you this. Yes. A doctor told me a long time ago, go back to Mayo Clinic or someone that you know is giving you the correct information. Yeah. So yeah, because there's so much. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

Now there you go. You've got a good source there. She has access to paid like sources that are within the medical industry that I don't and you don't, but she also has to interpret them because they're all like case study, it's a whole different language.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

My sister, the same thing. Exactly. Same thing.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

You've got your sister, it's the same thing. And I also think when you're gathering the thoughts and the facts, all the things we just talked about, it gives you time to gather your emotions. Yes, it does. That's really good. And you might come up with some facts, see some facts that are like, oh, hmm, I didn't really think about that perspective. And all of that kind of starts sitting in with you, and maybe you're not as frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Yeah, that's right. Exactly. I like that. So then that's what you're just saying. Gather your thoughts and the facts, both of those, and then prepare for the different outcomes. Like you mentioned, you know, it's not what you thought. So that's kind of the last of those. And you really have to set boundaries if you need it and disengage. Sometimes scroll past that. You don't have to comment, you don't need to. Just really see a point.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

I I've said this before. Something like that is just the scenario you're talking about is just mean. There's absolutely no value that came from somebody commenting, that's a stupid question. No, that's because there are no stupid questions in my world. I think everything has value, everything's important, right? The fact that so many other people, the Routes of the World, out to Ralph Giordano, one of our favorite clickers in the world, he stops everything to help other people starting in the industry. Those are the people that we need to highlight and shine. Absolutely. Those are Mr. Rogers of the world.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

That's right. I love that. Good analogy. How yes, the helpers who want to better other people more so than themselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

There's a couple of things that I was researching through this. And actually, part of this I took from remember when Ellie and I did a course called Boss's Bonus? I do. For our flower clip members, and it was for anybody that bought our prep school porches, they got that for free. So I was doing more research to kind of do a part two for Boss's bonus. And so I did this over a year ago. And so when you sent me that, I was like, wait a minute, I had this vague memory of doing some stuff. So I pulled information from that and then added and updated some stuff. One of the things that I learned in doing that research was when you are dealing with confrontation like that, or whether it's typing into a post that you don't agree with, or you're face-to-face in a flower shop. Let's say you have an employee that's making some comments that you're like, oh it is instead of telling, like a statement, rephrase it in an ask. It is a lot less defensive, a direct statement, like that person, well, that's stupid. If I was to rephrase that and if it that post said something like, hmm, that's an interesting question. May I ask can you elaborate on that? Yes. So different, right? Oh, totally. So different. And you probably would have just kept going, hmm. I wonder if they commented. I wonder what else they like. You would have been curious, right? Exactly. Yeah. It's just posing it as a question brings down those walls and those boundaries.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

And it gives respect to that person rather than knocking them down, you know, breaking them down, it's giving them respect. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

So an example that I saw recently that changed me, that real life, and it's a political example, but not either side bad way. But when Charlie Kirk, he does some show, he's not somebody I normally watch, but he at one time during the fires, when all of the California fires, he made a comment on live TV. He was very annoyed with the ASL, the sign language interpreters. And he was saying they're a distraction to be on TV. They take up too much space on the TV during the emergency broadcasts when closed captions are just fine. And he made it on live TV and he got a ton of backlash. Even I was like, what? You know, anyway, so it of course took on a life of its own. And he did in a lot of trouble, which it did come across very unempathetic. It came across anyway, and again, I don't really know the guy, I just saw snippets. Okay, keep that in mind. I saw snippets, my bias is what a jerk, because the snippets are all I needed to think what a jerk. So recently I saw a video of this guy again. And I'm like, wait, that guy looks familiar. It was this Charlie Kirk. And he was doing another some sort of QA something. And a woman stood up and she brought it up and very kind and she said, Do you mind if I explain to you a little about the ASL deaf community? Then ask you a question after that. And he was like, Okay. So she went on to say that the majority of people born deaf don't read. It's very hard to read. They can, but it's it's it's difficult. And ASL sign language is all they know. And sign language is very different than our spoken language, so it doesn't interpret correctly. So even if they can read, it it misconstrues a lot of things. And and she was very respectful, but she was educating him exactly, yeah, and being respectful. And she said, I felt like you probably didn't know this. And so I just wanted to share this with you. And I don't know why it makes me emotional. Yeah, it does to me. I'm gonna have goosebumps all over me. I'm like, oh my god. And he just sat there and he said, No one has ever explained that to me. I didn't know. Wow. That you are so kind, and it absolutely changes my mind.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

And I was like sitting across from one another and just explaining, maybe we just misunderstand things. Asking, may I share with you the information I know about this community? Because I I work in this community and I'd like to share with you why it's important.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

And the tone in which she did that, yes, and the love that she spoke made that so well accepted, not only to him, but everyone around. Right.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

And he was like, I I absolutely regret saying that. I didn't know. And I'm like, none of us did. I didn't. I didn't know that. I've never heard that before. We just are like, ah, why are they up there? You know. So anyway, that is the difference between asking, may I share this with you? And just directly, you don't know, you don't know what they go through. And you're right, we don't. He did he didn't, but that's not gonna help. No, no, no. Then then it's confrontational, right? Right, right. So I take that and I'm like, that we could apply to being a manager, being a leader. That's what leaders do, right? When you're running a flower shop, even if you're dealing with a disgruntled employee. May I share with you why your flowers died? Yeah, there you go. Because you induce the water in two weeks.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Oh, yeah. No, I'm just don't you want to? That's one of those things you wish you could say. I know, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_03 21:37

But I'm just saying, starting with the ask, I don't know. I just thought I thought that was really, really powerful. That's a powerful example. Yeah. Powerful. So I was thinking of three ways. Again, if I was a flower shop owner, that I could curtail this type of. talk and we've seen it in our members only group, we've seen it all over the place. So if you're dealing with teams that are having issues, whether it's about politics, whether it's just this incessant types of he said, she said, whatever. There are three ways or that I see you might have a better way to put a stop to this for lack of a better word. Number one, ban it. Just say absolutely no politics the minute you walk in the door.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

And I actually was reading an article before this about not having politics in your business. And it was talking about business owners and CEOs, how they've some of them have actually ruined their business or done a nosedive because a stand they've taken one way or another. And it said ban conversation with um anything political within your business because of that reason because it's causing like you said you and Mark kind of can work things out, right? You can kind of see one side or the other. That doesn't happen in a workplace. It doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Well right we have to we're married so we don't have choice and that is a big difference. Like we lean one way or the other. We're not like complete. Yeah yeah like but my here's the thing about banning it's not easy right because telling them don't do it a lot of you probably have a red bullet you're gonna tell me what I can can't do. Well I am it once you get in this room just like whatever our other rules but here's what I will say about that just like in our members only Facebook group like we do not tolerate this and there's a because it's a no-win situation. Absolutely Lori absolutely why not because we don't care about our world and our country that has nothing to do with it. It's because no matter which side we're on someone's gonna be angry and it's not productive in the workday for us to have to continually monitor members only Facebook group and and I'm I'm just using that as an example our Facebook group's fine and there's only just been very very minor things. Cammy's great at like going hey let's let's shut it down shut it down it's we don't need that but I'm talking about in a flower shop I would just say guys outside these doors you can go behind the alley and beat each other up as far as I care. Just not in my store exactly we're not doing this. This is neutral ground. We are in neutral territory. I love that you care about our country I think that's so important and you go cast your vote that's when you do that. So banning it but it's not easy it's not gonna be easy number two can create a policy about how it's allowed to be discussed this is harder. And what I will say about this one is you have to follow this policy too. You have to follow it too and this is where the if you're gonna talk about it questions are okay tell question statements are not you know that type of thing but this can get but this doesn't even have to be politics on this a policy about how things can be discussed.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Absolutely this could be about somebody in your town is something's going on in your town. Right.

SPEAKER_03 25:57

And I'm using politics as an example because it's important because it's a hot button right now.

SPEAKER_00 26:03

But I think sometimes especially on this create a policy how it can be discussed. Yes we can talk about things gossip perfect yes exactly yes exactly we don't need gossip this is what we need to talk about right how we do it and that's the asking and telling kind of thing right yeah I think one thing we have to remember is for us as an owner going through all of these things we have to be careful of our own bias and and I would say that about myself because you know we will see things on Facebook and you may think oh that's not appropriate and I'm like I don't see anything wrong with it or I might see something and you're like I think that's just fine.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

Like wow you know we all have bias and if you say you don't have one you're a liar we all have them it's ingrained in us. It is it's who we are right I was googling like unconscious bias. That's exactly right it's in the absence of any information this goes back to why checking facts are so important in in research yeah when we don't have our own information we just lean into what we already know oh for sure I mean absolutely you know and that's what we do I have a story of course about this it has nothing to do with politics but I do think you'll laugh. So the girl I her name is Alice I've known her my whole entire life she is the one that introduced me to my husband she's two years older than me and she lived down the street from me when I was a little kid she was she's my brother's age anyway we were in the same sorority I mean I've literally known her my whole life and she became friends with Mark after she graduated anyway they were good friends they were really good friends and so she introduced us set us up on a blind date blah blah blah anyway they were always just good friends. Well we get married Mark and I do and she marries another guy and one day I was talking to Mark's mom she was telling me that when Mark lived in Tulsa and Alice was in Tulsa he would go hang out with her. They went and played tennis a lot they did other things but she never met her and she didn't quite understand the friendship because they were this they had a whole group thing anyway wow esther my I love my mother had decided in her mind the reason was it's because she was probably divorced with a child and I'm like wait what where in the world anyway it's like we just start creating things when we don't know we're like well this has to be the reason anyway so that was always a big funny that is funny silly joke between all of this anyway bias unconscious bias we all have it we can't help it it's how we make sense of things that we don't understand and we take them for truth and we take it for truth we take it for truth it is part of being human but we need to be aware of it and we gotta check it at that door before we walk in it's really hard. It is hard yeah as a business owner you know you're just like okay just a minute here but you know and I would think in our industry so there's four different types there's framing bias bandwagon authority and status quo which I don't need to go into all of those right now but the kind that affects our industry the most meaning like of a flower shop would be authority bias would be a big one meaning like opinions just what I say goes. Yeah right and then the other one would be status quo I see that a lot status quo bias like well we've done it this way forever we're not gonna change things now yeah there you go you know that's a whole nother podcast here Lori that's a whole presentation I've got to go over here but I mean it's super interesting and for me once I learn about all the different ones and you know I start putting those buckets in my brain about the different types I have it's really fascinating.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

It is fascinating. Yeah and so that's why you said before you make that remark or whatever to to meditate right and so that as an employer I need to look at that and now I have to be the referee it's like and you don't want that you don't want to spend all your time being a referee. So if you set those first two rules that you have ban it or create the policy then you're not doing as much refereeing and you're not taking all that time. So please set up a positive culture and just go with it.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

Yeah I agree. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the Business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

We look forward to seeing you next week. So please come back and join us to discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business