Not Every Customer Is Mad: The Power of Pause and Kindness

Episode 310: In this heartfelt episode, Lori and Vonda open up about the emotional side of customer service—especially during the busy holiday season. They remind us that not every upset customer is truly angry; some are overwhelmed, hurting, or simply lonely. With gentle guidance and real examples from the floral industry, they share how a simple pause, a calm tone, and a little kindness can completely change an interaction.

It’s a warm reminder that the way we show up for others matters, and that compassion—especially in stressful moments—can make someone’s day a little brighter.

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Joanne, we've had this conversation. You've called the police. The police have determined it does not shine in your house. I will turn it off.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda. Good morning, Vonda. I have my gimme all the dogs coffee.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Give me all the dogs. Okay. This says give me all the dogs.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

Well, I just have my water. I've already had a couple cups of coffee, so it's time to change to water. And detox after all the food. Oh my gosh, we could right?

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Do you know what we did for Thanksgiving for the very first time in my entire so-and-so sum and some years of my life? We went out. Wow. Sat at a restaurant, and I kind of liked it. I didn't think I would. Okay. I didn't think I would, but we were in Oklahoma for Thanksgiving visiting my sweet mother-in-law and my husband's side of the family. And I saw my sister and some of my side. And since it was a smaller group, there was only like I think eight or nine. Our my husband's cousin, who always does the big meal, was like, you know what? We're making reservations. Well, there you go. Do it. And we did it, and we had the greatest time. Nice. It was really nice. And we enjoyed it. And then we went back to her house for pie, which was good. So I don't know. It was fun. I don't know if I would want to do that every single holiday, but it was kind of nice. It was nice for a break. And especially since your children weren't around. Yeah. It made a big difference. It was just Mark and I. And again, it wasn't in town where we are. We were the guests.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

So well, and then you rolled into coming back and Lenny.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Yes. Life with Lenny. So we got back on Friday because Sunday he turned the big 9-1.

SPEAKER_04 2:11

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

And so that was really fun. We had 17 people over. That was a big group for lunch because he goes to bed at six o'clock. So we couldn't do dinner. So lunch with Lenny with everybody. Yep. And he requested my spaghetti sauce. He loves spaghetti.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

So I made a big old pot, which is easy to make when you're feeding that many people. So it was really fun. His brother, my uncle Danny, who is 12 or 13 years younger than him, lives here. And so my cousins, everybody came over, and my son and his girlfriend came. So it was it was a really, really good time. Um, and I was telling you earlier the funniest part was it started around one. He was napping upstairs. Everybody got here. He came down and it was like a surprise party, even though it wasn't a surprise party.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

He looked around and we were like, surprise. I've told you 20 times, but again, it's your birthday.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

That's all right. Yep. Yep, yep. And so it was funny. He had two helpings, which is a big deal for him. Oh, he loved it. He loved it.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

He loved it. And then by about three o'clock, he just told everybody, I'm ready to go home.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

And so that's the best part kind of party. It's like it was. And so, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

I guess Uncle Leonard, Uncle Brock's ready for us to go home. And so it's like, thanks. This is great. So it was good. It was good.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

But Fonda, holy smokes, it's December. I know, right? December 1st today. This is gonna air tomorrow, the 2nd of December. How in the world did it get to be December?

SPEAKER_02 4:02

I don't know. I had a couple emails this morning from some of our members, and the first one was from Marissa, Debbie's Bloomers, and she's like, Happy December 1st. And I'm like, I had to sit a minute. I was like, is she wrong? Oh my gosh, she's not wrong. It's December. Wow. Oh my gosh, it's crazy. Like Christmas shopping, I need to start that. And so anyway, I was wondering like, what are flower shops feeling right now?

SPEAKER_03 4:30

What do you think? It depends, right? So every shop, obviously, as we've talked before, is so different. But right after Thanksgiving, you're doing a lot of installs. Like we had Marlin on a few weeks ago, and it started right after Halloween. But this is when a lot of businesses, especially, they're like, let's get it, let's decide here, there, and homes, home decorations, and people are coming in to supplement maybe with a wreath that they need or garland, any extra things to finish decorating their homes. So there's a lot of that going on. Poinsettas, this is the week that the corporations, when they're sending something special out to their clients, a lot of times poinsettas or gift baskets, that's going out like the first of the month. So in a lot of shops, it's really busy. It's that repeat business. And my suggestion is if you've done it in the past and you haven't heard from that client, pick up the phone and call them and say, hey, is this something that we can still spend for you? If you haven't done that, I mean, a lot of our shops that you encourage them to do that the first of November. It's like, yeah, look ahead. Who do you need to call and encourage to make those orders? So that's the kind of thing that that's happening at this point. Christmas parties on the weekends. And I was talking to someone on Friday, actually right after Thanksgiving, and she was like, Yeah, I have two big parties coming up on the 5th and 6th. So there's a lot going on. And but let's be real, as we look at all the social platforms, there's a lot of anxiety out there too, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

Yeah. Leading up to Thanksgiving. I saw a lot of it, people across the board, East Coast all the way to West Coast, right? I'm always trying to look for pattern. Like, is it demographics? Is it whatever? I saw none.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

No, I'm with you. There was nothing.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

It didn't matter the size of the shop, big, small. Some were slow, some were crazy busy. Right. It just there was no rhyme or reason to me, but I'm not an economist. I mean, you would probably have to check with Charlie Hall. He might have more.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Yeah, but I don't think it didn't matter. You're right.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

No, it just really depended. But I will say I got some emails over the weekend, one from our buddy Monty from Watanabe in Hawaii. And I'll share another time because I want to ask for his permission. But he did a promotion this year that really resulted in a very, very high ROI. And he did not like pay for boost posts, but he did a lot of social media on it. And he was like, I cannot believe how well this did. They had done it before, but not as big as this. Okay. And he was like, I just wanted to share because his whole point was this will scale down or up. It doesn't matter the size of the shop.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

It's just about marketing the promotion. Well, it's about promoting yourself. Monty is so good at promotion. When he thinks outside the box and he's happy to share what he does, I just love that about him. We just love that about Monty. I think everyone, instead of sitting back being worried, that doesn't help, right? You just have to get out there and do something.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Well, and he used all in his subject lines and his and his supposed, it was all Black Friday sale.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Because everybody's looking for that. Sure. And why not play off of it? You know, everybody's looking for that online or whatever. So play off of that. And it was like 25% off of any future delivery, not excluding sympathy and wedding, but it was or future. You buy in future. And anyway, I don't want to give off all of the statistics without permission, but it was an incredible thing. And they're going to try it again next year for like Cyber Monday. Sure. So taking advantage of what the events are for you your shop using what consumers are used to looking for.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Buying, right? Or looking for. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Love that.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Yeah. But this is for future delivery.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

So let's talk, Lori, because you brought up customers and this time of year, and they're looking for a bargain.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Or so I was going to segue, we've been looking online and we're always reading in all of the florist forums. We're also seeing post after post after post of um getting ungrateful customer or a disgruntled customer. And I'm just like, what is going on with humans these days? Like, why are people so angry? And so I sent you this little bullet point outline, you know, how I all your ideas coming together. Yeah, I just start brain dumping, as Ellie calls it. And I was like, maybe we need to do a podcast called Not Every Customer Is Mad, Some Are Just Lonely. And one of the things that triggered this was not even something from this industry. It was a TikTok, of course, that I was scrolling through. And I was actually searching for something management related or leadership, you know, because I'm always trying to learn something. But something came across and it was just, it was a a lot of people will post their ring videos from the doorbell. Yep. Some of them are very funny because it's of people falling or kids being silly, you know, whatever. But this particular one was it was a sequential ring videos, and it was of this elderly woman that kept coming over to a neighbor's house, and she'd ring the doorbell and she would get mad at them because they had a light on the side of their house, and she said it would shine in her bedroom. And can they turn it off? And the man was like, whatever her name, we're gonna call her Joanne. I don't know what her name was. I can't remember. And he was like, Joanne, we've had this conversation. You've called the police. The police have determined it does not shine in your house. I will turn it off. This is the, I don't know, 20th time you've come over. I mean, she's very old. And he said, But let me ask you this. Do you just want to come over and sit on this porch and maybe have a glass of iced tea? I mean, this makes me want to cry. Are you just lonely? And she starts crying. And she turns from this angry to where everyone watching is like, Oh, I hate old women like that, to just this lonely, sad, and you just see the side, make me cry. Yeah, oh, totally. And he said, Because I'm happy to sit and be your friend, come on in, have a glass of tea. And she said, Well, I just don't have anybody. Like it was just this moment of he gets it. He took a minute, listen, the cops have already been here. It doesn't shine in your house. Go home, you old bat. Like, which is what we all want to say because she's been here so many times.

SPEAKER_04 12:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

And what it shows is this is a pretty big black man and a tiny little white lady. And you assume this is going to be a racial thing, and it has nothing to do with it at all.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

She's just bored and lonely, and she has no other way to get attention. So she's like, I'm just gonna get mad about something. That guy's home, so I'm gonna go back over. Like it's all she knows. And so he breaks down this wall. Anyway, my point is I looked at that and I was like, wow, maybe there are some customers that are maybe not this angry about the wilted rose. Maybe they're just lonely. Right. You know, so so what do we do with that? Because we can't say, well, just come in and have a glass of iced tea and right. No. But we've had to learn this the hard way as humans, right? Like I mean, watching that made me think, gosh, I've got to learn to pause a minute instead of reacting back and defending myself.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Yeah. It's too easy just to do that, right? As you're telling that story, it makes me think about the game, so to speak, that sometimes I do at an airport. And it started years ago when I was with somebody at the airport, and Jim Ganger would sit there and he'd make stories about everybody who'd walk by the airport. And it it was very interesting because it was like you could see people that were sad, and he'd say, Oh, they're on the way to a funeral. They're because probably died, and then it's like, oh, they're going on a party. You can tell by the way they're dressed. Yeah. Yeah. That kind of thing. But it makes me even think about when customers come in because we don't know what they're going through, Lori. We don't know it's like when you're listening to those people who are at the airport counter just lashing out at the person because they can't get on that flight on time. Right. Something's going on. And it reminds you of the situations we have in a flower shop when somebody's not happy, where the delivery was done too soon, too late, not the time they thought the flowers weren't what they were. Whatever it was, gosh, we don't know, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:47

Right, right. And so not all of us, including you and me, and I would imagine the majority of people that are customer-facing, especially part-time employees, none of us are therapists. No, we just like to play one on a podcast. But right. Yes, you are the great therapist on this podcast. Right, Lori. Right, right. But we are not equipped with the knowledge to help this person and and do therapy with them. But what we can do is come up with positive triggers for ourselves when somebody says something like that. Go, okay, I'm gonna pause a minute. How am I gonna respond? Because what I'm seeing more now, I'm not talking about our members-only Facebook group. I'm talking about all the floral Facebook groups. Right. Even our non-floral Facebook groups. I'm in like some of our neighborhood Facebook groups, like restaurant groups and stuff, because I'm always looking at customer service stuff, you know me. Of course you are. You know, I'm seeing more and more responses from the manager or employee telling the story. A customer came in, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not doing that. I'm not, this is it's not our fault. Just and other people going in and going, yeah, it's okay to fire your customer. And it is, it is. We've talked about that, absolutely. But it shouldn't be your first line of defense. That's right. Don't you think? Oh, like totally. Let's let's maybe that's strike three.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

Yeah, I I would agree. I would agree that's strike three, because you have this up here, and I think it's so important. It's not all about us, it's not what we're seeing in that person. And firing them right away isn't helping you as a business grow, right? It's gonna be like, ooh, don't go there and make them mad. You're not gonna have any customers left if you continue to fire your customer. Right. Right. And and just listening to see maybe you can find out what it is, like the doorbell, right? You hear something, you know, right that's triggering that. But I think you're right. You've got to set up some what's your first and your second before you fire the customer.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Yeah. That's that's the hard thing. And I get there's gonna be some. I mean, some of the ones that we're seeing, people that are trying to commit fraud and that type of thing. Yes, absolutely. Those to me are not even real humans. They're like they're bots that are trying to. I'm not talking about those people.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

The other thing, Lori, before we even get into this, I think it's important to check yourself at the door. What have you gone through in this last bit of time that's making you react the way you are? Because sometimes, we don't even think of that. We're like, ooh, I'm just gonna fire that customer. I'm gonna do this and that. And it's like, okay, wait a minute, check yourself. What happened? You were late to work because this happened, you were late to work that, or this has happened, your mom's in the hospital, this, and all that emotionally is weighing on you. And so think about that when you're reacting to that person.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Well, it really sucks that you say that because we talk about that in sales prep school. Uh, you know, I talk about the mental mindset, the importance of preparing your mind before you walk in the door. I mean, I try to do that every morning before I start work just because we all, I think every human walking around right now carries a lot of burdens. We all carry a lot of things. Everybody's look different, but to them, they're a lot. Right. And so we have to, I don't know, I just try to get a little bit of perspective maybe before I start my day, because I I know people think, oh, Lori's so nice, and but you've seen that side of me. I can when my energy is drained and my cup is drained and I'm not filling it back up, boy, it's it's rough. Yeah, it's really rough. And so if I was physically working in a flower shop in the month of December every day, you have customer facing and daily I'm getting kind of a bitchy customer, yeah, I'm telling you, that'd be hard.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

Really hard.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

It is hard for me not to fire them. It truly would.

SPEAKER_03 19:58

Right. And that's why you have to change that mindset before you even start to speak with them. And when they start on the negative side, that's when you just kind of have to go, oh, hey, what's going on here? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

Yeah. And so one of the things I wrote down is as a florist or as a customer service person for a flower shop, you don't just take an order, right? You don't just go, oh, okay, you do you want a beautiful flower? You absorb the emotions of whatever that customer wants to evoke, whether it's sympathy, joy of a baby, love of a secret admirer, like whatever it is, you're absorbing that.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

Absolutely. I mean, it's a roller coaster of emotions that a florist goes through on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

I'm surprised not every single person that works there is not bipolar because they're just going all over the place. Honestly, you are absorbing whatever emotion that customer is in, you're getting in that mindset.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

And I think that's what we have to remember that we are selling emotions, and that's why we have that roller coaster. We are putting ourselves in that place, we're being empathetic, doing what we're supposed to do, but we have to remember that we're selling that emotional part. And so don't let that bring you down, right? Is that what you're kind of trying to tell us, Lori?

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Yeah. But with that, is you also have to absorb that when that customer comes back and they're mad about something. You're gonna absorb the anger.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

That's the hard part not to absorb, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Right, right. That's the tough part of all of this. So I don't No, uh there's not like a magic pill or a magic trick to saying disassociate, fake it, because we all know in this industry who fake who's gonna fake it and who's not. I mean, authenticity is what sells. Yes, it does. We know that. And if I'm standing across from a customer service person, I can quickly tell if they are true, truly authentic or not, if they're faking it or not. So I don't know what the answer is to all of this. I think why I wanted to talk about it is to say we acknowledge that you guys deal with this. We did have some phrases that can be helpful to kind of bring down that person when you first want to go. I'm sorry, you put your hydrangeas next to your heating vent. That's why they're brown the next day. Instead of saying when they call, these are awful. You gave me cheap flowers, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, things like, I hear what you're saying, and I can see how that would be confusing. So phrases like that, thank you so much for your feedback. Something as simple as that. Like, thank you for your feedback. It's in the tone. Absolutely. It's in the tone. This is one I really like. And I literally used it this weekend. Let's see if we can turn this around for you.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Oh, I like that one.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Let's see what we can do. Let's see if we can turn this around.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

I really like that one.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:49

I I also like the one. Thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. Yes. Because when they're explaining you can see that their their mood is getting better. It's de-escalating just when they're saying those things.

SPEAKER_02 24:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

Yes. I like that. See if we can turn this around. Yes. Those are some really helpful things.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah. I also like gosh, that is a valid concern. I get it. Yeah. Simple as that. Even if you don't really get it. Think as you would feel if somebody was telling you. If someone said, God, that's valid. Yes, that's a valid concern.

SPEAKER_04 24:34

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Like, oh, good. I'm not crazy.

SPEAKER_03 24:37

And this one you use, I've heard you use this one, Lori. I need a little more information to understand the situation. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Yes. And I've actually had other customer service people on the phone. That's something that corporations must use, like for Verizon.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Yes. It's it's really good. And I always use the word we, like we're gonna work through this. We're gonna figure this out. Like you're not leaving them in the dark or in the lurk or whatever. Like we're gonna figure this out. Um hang in there with me, even if it's an email or it's on the phone. Let's see what we can do. So just phrases to let them know, I hear you, we're gonna figure this out together. I get it. You're hurting. It may not be anything we did, but yes, we're gonna figure this out.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

We're gonna figure this out. I I think that as we go into this season, just keeping those things in mind, having a few phrases in your back pocket, and uh the big thing, and you have this written in bold, which makes sense. Yeah, your kindness matters. Yeah, your patience matter, and the way you show up for strangers matters. I'm gonna finish with this story because it brought tears to my eyes this weekend. I was in Walmart, just going to Walmart to pick up some last little minute things. It is so busy, crazy, people everywhere. And that would bring tears to my eyes in Walmart this week. And there's always this one lady who is so, so kind. And she always, when you're done, she's like, God bless you. And wheeling up is this person in a wheelchair, can't even hold their head up. They're like looking down. This lady gets on the floor looking up in this person's face and was listening to them, listening, kindness. Everybody else was ignoring this person totally because they knew it's work, you know, it's a lot of work. And she would get one thing, and then she would call, and somebody would run and go get whatever they needed. And kindness matters, patience matter, and showing up for a stranger really matters. Yeah, it truly does.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

The way you show up, the way you show up, the way you show up, and I know it can look different. I think my my hope and prayer for this podcast that, like I said, we have no th top three takeaways like we usually do, but I do hope that whoever listens to it will take from it to pause the next time they get a customer and think, okay, what are my triggers? What are some phrases? How can I diffuse and what maybe is going on in their life? I don't need to know the scenario. Your goal is not to find out, hey, what's going on? Do we need to sit down and talk? Like, you know, even though I would love to do that. But yeah, you don't have time. That's not the goal. You'll never know all of what's going on in their life. But just think going back to your story about your friend in the airport, maybe they just came from their mother's hospice room. Like you just don't know. You don't. And it's okay if you have to make that scenario up to give them grace. And that's your starting point for the conversation. Yeah if you have to do that to get through the conversation, that's okay. Yeah. Because it really will help your mental health too.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

It helps everyone all the way around.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

It helps everybody all around. And go, and and think it was, it's okay. They're gonna go off, they're happier, and crisis averted.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

So take a deep breath and move forward.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

We hope it's a fabulous month. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flat routine on Alexa.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

We look forward to seeing you next week. So please come back and join us.