Bizarre Psychology & Valentine’s Day: Why People Think, Feel, and Buy the Way They Do

Episode 320: Valentine’s Day brings out fascinating human behavior. In this episode, Vonda and Lori unpack bizarre psychology facts, from confidence bias and mood-based judgments to decision-making under stress - and how understanding them can elevate customer service, communication, and sales during the busiest floral season of the year.

Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Loud and confident means you're correct. Hesitant, if you're hesitant, means you're wrong.

SPEAKER_03 0:13

Welcome to the business and pleasure of flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kinda like us, Vonda.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Good morning, Vonda. We are now on camera all the time, and I don't know how I feel.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

I know, I'm not sure, but you know, it did make us have different attire on. I will have you know, Ms.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

LaFever, that I am on day three of hair fixing and makeup. Well, a little bit. And fully clothed, including I'm not in pajama pants.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

That's pretty impressive. So it could be impressive or it could be sad because you're like, dang, well, it's kind of depressing.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Yeah. I cannot say that the whole day I will remain fully clothed and not put back on the pajama pants. Pajama pants, whatever you prefer. But as of right now, teeth are brushed, showered. I'm good. Same. I mean so I'm keeping with the goals of my bingo card. Also, I have completed three books. Wow. That's impressive. And it is January 28th. So I'm good. I'm on my fourth.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

And what was your goal last year?

SPEAKER_02 1:44

What was it? 50? And I didn't do three the first month. I kind of got way laid. Anyway, so I'm doing well. I have been reading the book you got me for Christmas. When you wonder you're learning, the Mr. Rogers book.

unknown 2:01

God.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

This was written by Greg Bear and Ryan Rydzowski. And it is written more about Mr. Rogers and how he changed and revolutionized education for children, how he spent his life helping children and nurturing them to want to learn, giving them the tools to want to learn. And the foreword in it was beautifully written by his wife.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Sweet.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

And so it is a book that I read in small amounts because it's a lot to digest and like taking notes. But anyway, I love it. And I can't wait to start sharing like little snippets with you because they also go into a lot of studies. So there's a lot of research that went into it.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

So anyway.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Yeah. Oh, so ahead of the game. So ahead of the game. Now, scientists, scholars are using the way he did things now to further education. Like they're even going back and going, wait, how did he do this? I'm just back to old school. And studying why it worked. That's how he did it worked, but why did it work? Yeah. It's pretty interesting. So anyway, okay. This is Valentine's Day's coming up. It is. It's like crunch time. It is. And it's weird. I feel like it came on really, really fast.

SPEAKER_03 3:55

However, I feel like we've been working on it for 10 years. I was gonna say it seems like the last few weeks have gone fast, but I mean, we did that first photo shoot in June last year for Valentine's Day. It seems like it was like this big push for Valentine's Day, and then it's like we got everything done and we've been like, okay, okay. And then it's like, oh my God, here it is.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Yeah, yeah. And now our clickers, I know, are totally over it. Already moved on to Mother's Day. Just want to get it over with. So we wanted this podcast to be a little more, I don't want to say pleasure, but it is, but it's also filled with fun facts. Bizarre psychological facts.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

I love it. I love it. I love it when you find these things, Lori. It's like yes.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

So these are bizarre psychology facts that when I sent these to you, I thought the goal of reading through these makes you look at people a little bit differently. Once you understand these, I think it helps you in your customer service. I think it helps you in your relationships with your friends, with your family, with people that maybe don't see the world the same as you do. Going, hmm, okay. Maybe, you know, I can have better understanding of where you're coming from. I know that gets harder and harder to do, but this helps. Let's just get started, and then I won't say a few things. So, number one, people don't believe things because they make sense. They b usually believe things because they like the way it sounds. I think that's true. They will convince themselves they liked something because they suffered for it. So here's okay, here's an example. A job that sucked the life out of them. But they learned so much. They learned so much from it. A camping trip. So this is I could identify for this. You and I both. We're not really campers. We're just not. I'm not a camper. Somebody that planned forever to go on off the grid camping trip. They planned and planned and planned, and let's say everything went wrong, whatever. They come back. It was so much fun.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Really? You didn't want to go now. Now, when you came back, you had so much fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Right, right, right. A bride who worked for over a year for their fantasy wedding. She changed her mind multiple times, had multiple mishaps. It was a nightmare, you know, everything. But you learned so much along the way. They convince themselves they like something. Here's the one I always think about. And the people will come at me. I don't care. People that run marathons. Really? That can't be fun.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Not for her.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

That just can't be fun. I don't I don't see how that's a satisfaction. Right. It's called justification effort. Oh, is that what you've put in all this time, so you have to justify why you liked it. We all do it. We all have things in our lives that we justify, right?

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Totally. I'm trying to think of one, but I I know that we have done that before.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

We'll go, well. I'm trying to think. You trick your point that you don't have to face the fact that you wasted all of your time. Oh, sometimes at the house, I'm like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Why did I do that?

SPEAKER_02 7:41

I I will confess, and I talked about it a little bit when I was on with Ellie, doing the flowers for my daughter-in-law's baby shower. There you go. Except I have not ever said, Oh, and I did great. I loved it.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

I didn't. You didn't justify anything.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

I never want to do it again. I will never do flowers without you or somebody alongside me that knows what the hell they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

I just want You're a better assistant than you are the leader. Yes. In that. I'm the best. You are a great helper.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Tell me what to do. I will process the crap out of those flowers. I will place them where you need. I will fill buckets. I will do what you tell me, but do not ask me to make a bouquet of anything.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

Don't ask you to make the decision.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

No, don't ask me to what this style might. But I can put a flower in a bud base and put it on a table. Yep. But anything other than that, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

You can do it, but you don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

I don't want the responsibility. That's the thing. That is my issue with. I'm getting off the tangent here, but I'm just gonna preach a second because I want people to understand that is my issue with the DIY world. People that look on Pinterest and Instagram and you get caught up. Even me who is in this industry, I can get caught up in wow, that looks so simple. Oh, I can do that. You can't. It is harder than it looks. It really, really is.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

That's why we say it's a God-given talent, Lori.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

It truly is. Now, I I even said one of the girls that was helping me, Erin, she is one of those people that has that natural. That's one thing I have an eye for. I can tell, I'm like, oh, she, and I even told her, I said, when your kids get older, I'm gonna hook you up with one of my florists because somebody would love to have her. And she she got really, really excited. Yeah. And I was like, this girl, she does have it. She has it. And I, you know, that's a conversation later. But you have to have something I think, and you and I both know I got a lot of stuff. I'm that's not it. Anyway, that's it. Moving on. Number two, and we talk about this in sales prep school all the time. You are more likely to believe someone if they speak with confidence.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

It's absolutely the truth. The problem is that there's a lot of people who speak with confidence who are not telling truth.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Oh, all that's what you have to decipher. Right, right. And it has now become comical. Anywhere you turn, you're like, I don't know who to believe anybody. So I just that's why I just read books. Yeah. I just read books and watch animals on videos.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

You had shared something with me, and I'm gonna call it out on TikTok, which I'm never on TikTok. Everybody, unless I send you something. You sent me one on TikTok with this girl who was saying that you shouldn't take this class on how to price out your arrangements because it's so simple. It's the simplest thing ever. And just do the math and do this and do that. And I'm like, lady, one, it is worth paying for a class if you don't know what you're doing. And you are misleading everybody who's listening to your video. You are not giving the correct information. And it just made me angry. You are so mad that she was speaking with confidence, but confidently telling untruth. It's just that there's so many untruths out there. And I was like, Oh my gosh, Lori, don't give me that again because I was so exactly well.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

But I sent it to you for that exact reason. Because I was like, hey, is this true? Because she was like, Oh, you do this and this, and first of all, she was going so fast. People like me, I'm like, ah, you lost me in the first 30 seconds. But second of all, the numbers weren't, I couldn't follow her, but I knew enough to know. This doesn't sound like correct. It's very scary. We're just weird about confident people. We tend to like, oh, they must know more than yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Make sure lean in because you're like, they really must know what they're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

The quote I put in there for confident people, it's like the universe gave them a cheat code for deciding who to trust. And it mostly just runs on volume and certainty. Like they're loud and yes, certain. Matter of fact. And so, oh, okay, okay. I know it does make you say that. You're like, yeah, I want to be loud and confident means you're correct. Hesitant, if you're hesitant, means you're wrong. Again, going back to sales prep school, I'm gonna preach, preach, preach here. When you're on the phone with a customer, the minute you hesitate and act like you don't know what you're doing, that's why they're like, uh oh.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Or then they can't make a decision.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

No, it makes their decision even worse. The example that I came up with is, and I'm dating myself here, but do you remember the TV show Cheers? Okay, one of my dad's favorite shows. Oh my gosh, we watch it all the time. So Cliff Claven, the character, would come in, you know, cheers. He would spew random stories all the time. Now the joke was on him because nobody in the bar ever believed him, because he would get like three history lessons combined into one, you know, that never made any sense. That was what made it funny, but it's him. But he spoke with confidence and certainty. And every single politician on the planet, exactly, every single one that has a microphone confident and certain that their way is right.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

It's absolutely the truth.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

That's crazy. How can this one be right next to you wearing a different color? Says the exact same thing with confidence and certainty.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Opposite of what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

That's the exact opposite. So we don't know. This is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

So, anyway. And honestly, we each have some friend who's like that.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Oh, more than one.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Some of us may even have a husband.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

Don't be saying that about my mark.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

No, I love him. Oh, and he would say it's me, right? Because I am loud and confident. So anyway, we oh boy, it's very entertaining around my house. So, anyway, here's the scary part of this where it goes into psychopathy, right? No, a lot of people, again, we've just talked about some of these people, believe their own nonsense, right? I mean, that's where we see that over and over, also. And that is called the Dunning Kruger effect. I remember learning about that in all psychology classes. The Dunning Kruger effect is basically you lie so much, you believe your lies, right? And so that's just something we gotta always think about. Those people are toxic, they're also very calculated. So you gotta figure out.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

But it's like you said, they believe their lies and they've told them so many times, or they live in that world.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Again, I think we all have encountered someone like that, even in close to us at some point, where you're like, hmm, that's some type of mental health issue when it comes to that. But anyway, all right. The next one is this is an interesting one. People will judge you based on what mood they're in.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

100%. 100%. 100%. And you, as the recipient of that, you feel that. You're like, oh, last time I thought I was kind of on their good side, and now what oh, what did I do?

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Oh, oh, here's my example. I'm gonna call you and Ellie out when we're at photo shoot. Depending on the vibe of the photo shoot, you guys either think I'm funny or annoying. It just depends. I don't know. But if Julie's listening, Julie, you are always on my side. Thank you. Always, always giving me a wink or a smile of support, Julie Poultler.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

She is, and she'll come over and give you a hug.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Always a hug of support saying, next time you and I are gonna room together. That's why I love her. You and you and Ellie just working your own stuff out, looking at me. Stop trying to be funny. Yeah. But that's it. It's seriously, it's not logic. It's mood. And we are all that way.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

And sometimes it's not mood, right? It's it, I guess maybe it comes down to that situation. It's your stress level. It's our mood. The stress level determines our mood. Okay, true.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

It's us. A couple years ago, I was I was in a Bible study, and the Bible study leader, God, I just felt so called out because she was talking about triggers, the word like that person just triggers me. And she said, here's the deal. When someone triggers you, that's something about you, not them. They're just being them. That's who they are. What is it inside you that you haven't dealt with? Oh, gosh, that's neat. And I'm like, shut up. Shut up, woman. But I always think about that when I am judging somebody when they're doing something.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

I'm like, oh, I think the older you get, the more you're not judging them as much. You're just like, what's in their head that they're acting like that today?

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Yeah. Why you should be on the floor?

SPEAKER_03 18:31

No, no, no, not like you. When you're out and you you're encountering somebody that you have before, and they've been so great before. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, I'm like, okay, yeah. Did like you said, did they do something? Yeah. Or yeah, maybe they're just under a whole heck of a lot of stress today. And anyway, yeah. And I think we understand it more now.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

I think we understand it more. I think it depends on our personality too. I think in my older age, more seasoned life, if you will, I used to worry a lot more. Like, oh, are they mad about me? Like I was more selfish because I thought it was more about me. Yeah. And it probably wasn't. Now I look at them going, they must be going through a thing.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

I hope they're okay. Good, bad, or otherwise, I find myself if somebody's acting like that, especially like in a group or if sending emails, I find myself going to that person and going, hey, do you know how people are perceiving this right now? You might just want to protect yourself, protect what you're doing. I don't know. I just feel like I don't want people to not like that person because of that mood they're in right there or the stress they're in. It's just almost like check yourself.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Yeah. You remember I was doing that Mark Murphy leadership school. And he actually talked about this type of thing. And he was saying, you do need to call out that person. I mean, one on one on one. Not call out. But first approach him and say, are you doing okay? Is there something you need me to help you with? You know, check in. And once you get that information, because maybe he's like, Well, my mom just died. Like, if it's something catastrophic or something awful, then you deal with it. But if it doesn't go, okay, yeah, we can work on that. The reason I'm asking is because people are perceiving a real negative side of you right now. So you ask first, is there something going on I can help you with? Are you dealing with something first? So you come in a little softer. And I'm saying this because I'm thinking of like management level. If an employee comes, let's make sure you're okay. And there's something didn't happen on my watch that I need to take care of. And if you are, straighten up.

SPEAKER_03 21:04

But I think it really shows that you care about that person.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

That's what he was saying. You do need to care first because you don't know what happened before they walk in the world.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

Well, both ways, even making that correction, is that you care for that person. If you didn't care, you just walk away and go that but care for them as a person first.

SPEAKER_02 21:25

Yep. Then, hey, the situation is based on how you're responding.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Because it could be something, well, I'm mad, my sports team lost. Well, I get that, but you can't do that. So I I just thought that was that is really good. That was really good information. Money well spent, right? Investment in glory. Good investment. I thought that was really good. So keeping with the mood, if you're hungry, of course, we're less patient. Tired again.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

You're out of your cinnamon hearts. You could be just having a with withdrawal. Same. Are you out of your not?

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Here, here we have.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Look. Yours are gone. I still I have two left, is all.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

You have two? I went the whole day yesterday without him. I'm gonna have to leave my house today. I went the whole day without having to leave my house yesterday, which I love when I don't have any. I'm gonna have to leave my house tomorrow and go get some because I missed some. And I'm gonna have to buy two bags because you know they get sold out. Oh, really? You you better get two. We are not the only ones. We still have days. I know, I know. So if I get two bags, one well, I might need to get three. I don't know. Anyway. Anyway. Okay, so another thing here is there was a study. Judges actually give lighter sentences after they've eaten lunch.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

I read that and I was like, oh my gosh, can I just schedule anything I have after lunch?

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Schedule for after lunch. Right after lunch. That is so crazy. That is crazy. So anyway, so think about that. When a customer's upset about something, when you out of the blue, if they're gonna write a negative comment or something about arrangements that they picked out, chances are that's not about you. Maybe they haven't eaten lunch yet. Maybe have a pizza delivered to them. Then ask them to change the review. After you eat that pizza, change the review for me, will you? Do you mind changing the review? So okay, the last one I'm gonna talk about is this. The people you find attractive might just have the right face ratio. So this is not new news, but this is something again. I studied this in college. It is attractiveness really about personality style or some deep emotional connection. Probably not. It's just the features line up in a way that is balanced. And we like that. We like symmetry. That now, this is they were talking about just kind of immediate first impressions. All of those things are important too. Let's talk movie stars and influencers. I can see a beautiful person, and then once I start finding out more about them, I hate them or not hate, but I'm like, ugh, I don't like your character, I don't like your personality, I don't think you're a good person. So there was a study when I was in college, way, way, way, way, way back. And I remember they did it in one of my early childhood classes, and babies stare at symmetrical faces much longer than they do at asymmetrical faces. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. It was weird, and even certain animals prefer their mates to have more symmetrical faces.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

I think floral designers probably key into that more so than anybody. We are so about balance, we're about all those principles and elements, and to have that in your face as well as you know, in your design.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

And when I mean symmetry, it doesn't mean everybody has to be in our world beautiful. What the world, it just symmetrical. I don't believe it's a conscious thing. I don't think we're aware. It's not like I look at somebody and go, ooh, I like them. They're symmetrical. You know, it's that's not it. Oh, they're balanced. Oh, they've got eyes. Their ears are even and everything. Like we don't do that. It's how our brains work. That's hilarious. So maybe make sure your most symmetrical employees are at the front customers, your asymmetrical employees can be in the back. Just something to think about. Something to think. Is that why we're virtual? Is that why you have all of us behind computers? No, we have the most beautiful people. I mean, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

That's crazy. I'm joking.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

I'm just that's funny anyway.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Yeah, yeah. That's all the fun facts I have. I got no money.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

Okay, well, I think everybody is going to have a fabulous Valentine's Day. Symmetrical or not? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

Symmetrical or not. Now they're gonna be all their customers that walk in, they're gonna be going, do they have symmetry?

SPEAKER_03 26:35

Just remember to keep your mood on the good side, the positive side.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Because that's and if a customer is mean and they leave, just go, you know what? They didn't have any symmetry at all. That's what I would say. Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

We look forward to seeing you next week. So please come back and join us to discover a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset that can take you to new levels in your life and business.