The Business & Pleasure of Flowers
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The Business & Pleasure of Flowers
Five Ways to Get Through the Unthinkable with Dr. Nicole Price
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Episode 91: As a follow up from last weeks episode with Dr. Nicole Price, we have a few more nuggets from the interview. Dr. Nicole shares some insight from her book, The Holy Educated Motherf*cker (which Vonda will not even say the name!). Lori follows up with some great words of wisdom from her book, which shares five ways to get through the unthinkable. The pandemic has been the "unthinkable"... and we're getting through it, even as it's in round two in many places. We all have some challenging or "unthinkables" in our lives - and following these steps can make it easier.
Dr. Nicole Price
Lively Paradox.com
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When the unthinkable happens, you don't even have to know how you're going to get out of it. Just know that it's not the end and that your ability to do these things will help you get through it. So she lists five things.
SPEAKER_01Now these are five ways to help you get through the unthinkable.
SPEAKER_02Get through the unthinkable.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to the Business and Pleasure of Flowers. We're your hosts, Vonda LaFever and Lori Wilson.
SPEAKER_02And we believe that business and fun are a perfect combination. Kind of like us, Vonda. Happy Saturday morning, Lori. Oh, Vonda. Am I getting paid overtime for working on Saturdays? Just maybe with love.
SPEAKER_01A little cup of love. Now, I have an amazing cup of coffee this morning. Do you see this? Why is yours so fancy? Isn't it awesome? Oh, this is the coffee pot that my staff gave me for my birthday.
SPEAKER_02Yes. What is that?
SPEAKER_01It is an espresso. And then, so it's the best coffee. It's like you bought coffee. Mmm, I got out of my lips. I bought coffee. Fancy coffee somewhere? Somewhere, and but except for it's in your home. So it has the little frother. So I made a cup of coffee, froth it, and put it on the top. And it's the fanciest. And so thank you so much, Lori, and my staff who gave me this Nespresso maker for my birthday.
SPEAKER_02And Vonda is not sponsored by Nespresso.
SPEAKER_01I am I am not sponsored. But actually, I have to tell you, I had two neighbors come over or neighbors and a friend of a neighbor, and they both bought one. They're like, took a picture of the box and they ordered it and give a shout out to my friend Alan. He's like, Oh my gosh, I've been looking for a great coffee maker. So anyway, he just got this last week and he's like over the moon excited.
SPEAKER_02Well, and I, we as Flower Click employees have to give Ellie credit where credit is due. She did the research on that. She knew we were like, Yeah, what's your Venmo? Do what I you know what I mean. Like, she did all the research, she knew exactly the one to get. And I does she have the same one.
SPEAKER_01She has one similar to this. This one is, she said, This one's fancier, mom. And I'm like, Oh, okay. I don't usually need fancy, do I?
SPEAKER_02Right. No, you don't. That was the one splurge because for those of you that don't know, Fonda has a coffee bar in her bathroom. In her bathroom. It's her splurge, right?
SPEAKER_01It is a splurge. It really is. I absolutely love it. And you know, do you realize when you make coffee in an enclosed area, it really smells wonderful? Oh my god. Like you walk into that and it smells like a coffee shop.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So do you turn it on, take the shower, and then it's you, oh, you don't even have to wait for a pot.
SPEAKER_01No, no, you just it's this minutes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I am drinking, who knows, generic from an old coffee pot in a Christmas cup. But I didn't realize I so merry, merry, merry Christmas is what it said.
SPEAKER_01Just merry, merry day.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's eventually gonna be Christmas. True, that's right. It's like 98 days away, Fonda. And by the time this airs, it's gonna be less than that.
SPEAKER_01So anyway, Lori, I have to say, I so enjoyed our time with Dr. Nicole Price. Isn't she awesome? She's pretty great.
SPEAKER_02Remember when we were talking to her and she was dropping hints about what her favorite flower was and sending her those kind of things. So you took it upon yourself to send her those hydrangea. And a couple days ago, I got a text message from her with a beautiful picture. And then she called not last night, but the night before. She was on her way home from some seminar, and she just was raving about them.
SPEAKER_01So oh well, you know, when people drop hints, and of course, we're in the business, we should be sending flowers, right?
SPEAKER_02No, you're absolutely right, you're absolutely right. And she is one of those people I could talk to on a daily basis just to help navigate life. She's really, really innate of that.
SPEAKER_01Well, Lori, I'm really excited about our episode today because last week we aired Dr. Nicole Price, and when I was editing, there was a segment towards the end that I cut out because it was so good. It was something you read about a book of hers. And I just was like, you know what, we're gonna save this because this has such great information in it that we really would like to talk about separately.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and the book is powerful. And I wanna say she and I have had a lot of conversations. Um, because again, this is just one of her books. The majority of her books are big books about leadership and and inclusion and diverse and how to be a well-rounded corporation, right? Or small company, large company, whatever. So, you know, when the pandemic started, her her world as a traveling consultant, public speaker, motivational, everything, you know, all of her appointments shut down, right? So she had to switch gears, adapt all of those things. And she said that's when she was like, you know, what am I gonna do? I can only do so much on Zoom. And that's when she kind of decided, I'm just gonna tell my story. I'm just gonna tell my story in hopes that it somebody else might want to hear it. And so her book came out, and right around the time I had just started meeting with her. Um we were we meet in a group, as you know, of um women, white women and women of color to learn about each other and to develop relationships. And it's been one of the most amazing blessings that I've had in this whole pandemic. The pandemic's awful, but we're trying to look at a little bit of silver linings, you know. And and and that would be that would be one of them is my opportunity to get to know her. She's funny, as you could tell. She's so smart, and she's always speaking truth. Like, I'll ask her a question, and she's like, What are you really trying to get to? What is the heart, you know? And anyway, this book it changed something in me, and I don't know if it's gonna change other people. I have no idea we all receive knowledge differently, you know. But what it what it did to me is make me feel more empowered that no matter what I've been through in my life, all of my mistakes, tragedies, whatever, I'm still can do whatever I need to do, whatever I desire to do, you know, and and I even think about you, Vonda, and you have had so many different seasons in your life where you, you know, you've worked hard and you've worked for people and you've worked for yourself. And you're not old, I'm not saying that, but you created a company. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's amazing. Where a lot of people would have been fearful, going, uh, well, maybe if I was 35, I'll do that. That's why I think you'll like the book because it will just further that feeling that you have of, you know what, I can do it. Why not?
SPEAKER_01I really want to have our listeners hear this clip that we're gonna put in right now, and then let's circle back and talk about it a little bit, Lori. Okay.
SPEAKER_02I have two of your books, and the two books I have of yours, they are leadership, but they're not. You've written a lot of books for big corporations to use for training tools. So one of my favorites is this little one, it's called Cultivating Culture as a garden. It's it's just, I don't know, reaping the harvest of diversity and inclusion. I love that. I love it, I love it, I love it. But my favorite is a book that you have been very honest in saying a lot of people will not even buy it because there is a word in the title that scares people off. And I'm not gonna say the word here, but the book is called The Holly Educated Mother Effort. So here's here's what I want to say to people about this book. If you read, if you can not look at the title, if you read the first chapter, you'll understand why she titled it that. The story to me is is phenomenal. The subtitle is a filter-free guide to getting through the unthinkable. And Nicole, you have been through your story just from childhood to now. Like I it it does read as it should be a movie, and I've I've told you that before. But one thing I want to read uh on a page, and and it's something that I think would be really helpful for small business owners. We talked a lot about how, especially flower shop owners, they're very compassionate. That's one of the things. And I think a lot of the times, those of us that are really compassionate and can feel bad for people, what we also live in that world where we are think through, ah, should I have done that? Do I have a lot of regret? Should I have done that differently? We're always second-guessing ourselves. On page 38 of this book, it's part of the one where you you describe the world word holy, and you talk about it as H-O-L-Y, your Christian upbringing, and then you talk about it W-H-O-L-L-Y, meaning full, entire. You were talking about living with regrets, how we move past that. And it says, when I evaluate what I have learned, what I have gained, how my life is better, stronger, kinder, and gentler, I ditch that thinking, meaning the thinking of regret. I embrace and accept the life I have as the beautiful one I have been blessed to live. Painful and unthinkable experiences are rarely, if ever, welcomed. I haven't gotten to the place where I welcome the unthinkable. What has happened is that I have come to see that the high moments have not been the ones to give me depth and substance, but rather it's been the midnight fire call, the deportation struggle, the death, the pain, the hurt, the unthinkables that build the strength of my resolve. Hang on to this idea when you're in the middle of your own unthinkable situations. For now, evaluate the formidable experiences in your life to this point. How have they helped you live to your current purpose? How have those experiences shaped you? How have they created more depth of character? How have they allowed you to show up authentically for others? To answer these questions will help you live a holy life. It is a whole life that is lived by you, a holy person. The first time I read that, I cried. I just cried because I was, I felt like you put words in my heart that I couldn't put in there for myself. Um, but I think right now a lot of businesses are scared still. I mean, we're going through round two of pandemic, right? And we don't have a due date. Um, so a lot of them are just feeling, God, I've been through so much, I can't do any more. Yeah. And so I that is inspiring. Everything we're going through is what makes us our authentic selves. And I have to believe that because of that, we at some point before our death due date, we're going to use that to bless and help other people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know, I I think that the Holy Educated MFR is my best work ever. Um, because I wrote it during the pandemic. And for once, I wasn't writing to business leaders about their work, I was writing to business leaders about their lives. And we have to show up, those of us who own businesses when we're sad, when we're grieving, when we're in the middle of a divorce, when I had to euthanize my dog, I still have to show up because other people are depending on me. And when you consider the entire world being brought to a halt because of a global pandemic, is there anything more unthinkable? I know what for us know is that people are still getting married and having babies, and we still need to help them celebrate. And at that same time, people are still dying. And uh, one of my friends who grew their business the most in these last 18 months is a mortician, and that means there are a lot of people who are going through some unthinkable situations right now. And here's the beautiful thing. Elizabeth Kubler Ross said what my grandmother said in a way that I think touches me differently than the way my grandmother says it, and I quote my grandmother a lot in the book. But she says, Beautiful people don't just happen. That makes me want to cry. It is the results of the things that florists help us to get through. Yeah, and if that is not an inspiring idea, I don't know what is.
SPEAKER_01That was just so good, Lori. Just so good.
SPEAKER_02I have highlighted and put little mini post-it notes on so many pieces of this book. It's not a big book, it's not super long, it's a very easy read. Um, but I will tell you after I read it, you are one of the first people I thought of because I was like fond of like it. But then I thought, I don't know if she can get past the title.
SPEAKER_01That's exactly what I was going to say. Oh, really? I I have a mental block against the F word. Yes. And I actually even looked it up, and it's like, yes, people do, because I suppose, especially my age, it's one of those things that I was like, oh, you never say that word. Yeah, you know, and now it's a casual word that people are saying all the time. They use it to really make an impact. They want you to, it's a shock factor.
SPEAKER_02It is a shock factor.
SPEAKER_01And that's why sometimes I'm like, oh, it just like stabs me because my I I hear my parents, right? And it's just one of those words. I'm like, why do you have to use that word? It's how you arrange, it's generational. Yeah, it is generational, right? And I think in her case, she wanted to make a shock, right? Was that it?
SPEAKER_02Yes, but there's a very specific reason she calls it this. And so, and it's funny, I've helped her in a couple of book clubs about the book with her, and someone asked her, you know, what did your family think? Because she talks a lot about her family. She's one of seven kids, I think. Seven, I think that's right. They asked her, and she goes, Oh, trust me, I still have relatives that will not pick it up because of the word on the front of the thing. Wow. And so and so she gets that.
SPEAKER_01But Lori, I ordered the book, and it'll be like I am going to read it. I'm proud of it. I got over it. I was like, because you know, because I met Nicole and I'm like, I could tell her heart, yeah. And I could tell uh she's just such a wonderful person. I'm like, there's a reason that's there, and I'm gonna find out why.
SPEAKER_02Right, right. So, and if it makes you feel better, the word has asterisks in it on the front, so the whole word has been written out. But what I was gonna say is you were saying the word itself, and and I do think it's generational a little bit how it makes you feel, and uh it makes me laugh. Like I use the word more for humor because I want to make somebody else like I have a certain group of friends that if we throw that word out there, we're all gonna because we're immature like that, right? We're immature, middle-aged women that giggle like we're teenagers when you use the word. So because it's just a word, it's stupid. Interesting. I don't like if someone uses it every other sentence. I only like the word if it's going to be used for impact, whether it's anger or humor. I don't like it in just casual, hey, what them are you doing today? Oh, I don't know. Like that's stupid.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I hear you.
SPEAKER_02Overuse. So, anyway, okay. So, I want to touch base on one more thing in her book. And again, her chapters are titled differently based on like one is called holy, one is educated, and one it like she talks through the difference, and then the subtitle is a filter-free guide to getting through the unthinkable. So, one of her last chapters is called unthinkable, and it's an adverb, and she defines it as a situation or event too unlikely or undesirable to be considered a possibility. So, if you think about unthinkable, we could absolutely put pandemic under that definition, right? It's a absolute, like as a business owner, situation or event too unlikely or undesirable to be considered, you know, a possibility. She says, When the unthinkable happens, you don't even have to know how you're gonna get out of it. Just know that it's not the end and that your ability to do these things will help you get through it. So she lists five things.
SPEAKER_01Now, these are five ways to help you get through the unthinkable, get through the unthinkable. Okay.
SPEAKER_02I think get through, and she uses the word unthinkable, but we all fill in the blank there. Like, what is your trying to get through right now? Let's say um, as a business owner right now, one of the main things trying to get through is how am I gonna get all these orders done? I don't have enough employees.
SPEAKER_01And sometimes in September it's cash flow, honestly. If I'm going back to the business part, yeah, it's that you know, you expect it to be busy busy, you've got all these things coming in, and how are you gonna pay for them? And it's cash flow. So it could be how am I gonna get the orders out, or it could be, you know, how am I gonna take care of this? Am I gonna have enough business later? All those things that you're really thinking about.
SPEAKER_02Or one that I've been hearing lately is oh my gosh, all of my upcoming web weddings involve all white flowers. Yeah, I don't I can't find white flowers, so that's a that's an unthinkable, right? Yes, right, that's a horrible situation. So pick your poison, whatever your unthinkable is, and think through these five things. Okay, number one, and again, this is from Nicole's book, not my words. Tap in to your own spiritual connection, whatever that is, be holy. That's when she talks about holy. She's not trying to convert everyone into Christianity, she's just saying wherever your sense of calm, whether it's just quiet meditation, whether it's prayer, whatever it is, first get there, get your mind, body, and soul to that. Does that make sense? It does totally. Number two, lean on the solid places of your personality and not the holes. Meaning holy, meaning WH. So what I interpret that to be is remember what your strengths are. Don't try to rely on what your weaknesses are at that moment and and use those to get out of the mess. So let's go to your problem that you said um cash flow. Let's say you're having profit issues and you're and numbers are not your thing at all. Right? Like it's just not your gift, but yet that's your biggest problem. Hire someone. I don't care how much it is, find somebody that can do that for you. Because in that moment of your unthinkable and your mess, number one, your brain is not ready to even attempt to learn a new skill because you're just putting out fires left and right, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, that could be. You might need to bring another person in. But the other thing is go back and look what last year was. This was the same cycle that was happening. This is a cyclical thing. Last year, at this time, the same thing was going on. I remember that yearly, Lori. At this time of year, you're you have that pit in your stomach as far as cash flow. So, my suggestion go back to last year. You've been through this before. Go look at your notes, look at what you had before, and draw on the positive, which is you got through it last year. You got through it the year before, not the holes, which is the pit that makes you go, Oh, I don't know, we can do this. So on the positive.
SPEAKER_02Right, right, exactly. So lean on the solid places. So number three, this number three is speaks more into what you just said, I think, and maybe maybe I'm off. Draw from the whole or totality of your experiences.
SPEAKER_01Yep, that would be it.
SPEAKER_02Your education, meaning what you've done in the past, be educated. Now, I want to be clear, she talks a lot in this book about the importance of education. She is not talking about just four-year college degree at all. She's saying whatever it is your passion, what it is, whatever you love, keep educating yourself in that. Maybe you're a plumber, maybe you're a designer, maybe you're an artist, whatever it is, keep educating yourself because knowledge truly is power in whatever that is you want to do. So I really like that one. Draw from the whole big picture, like you just said, you're freaking out about cash flow right now. Look at big picture, look at the whole. Okay, let's look at last year. Hey, I made it, right? I did it. It was hard, but I did it, right? Yes. And then you would maybe go back another year. Look at that. I did it. I did it then. I did it then too. I'm gonna get through it again. Okay, so her number four is be a courageous bad MFR if you need to. Yeah, it's true. Put on your big girl pants, big boy pants, and go, you know what? I'm getting through this. I will not let this beat me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's exactly yeah. Sometimes we forget to do that. Yeah, it's easier to wallow, right?
SPEAKER_02It's like uh man, it is, and it's so much easier, and we get in that bad habit. I find myself wallowing in really stupid stuff. Like, does this even matter? Why am I I hate that? You know what I mean? Like, flip that and go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't I actually don't do that, as you probably know. I'm just like, I just like, you know what? Hey, yeah, yeah. I block things out sometimes. You do, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_02You put them on your shelf, you block them out and put put it up on your shelf, and they just don't ever fall out. I always think of this old Monty Python movie. I think it's the holy grail, it's some you know, one of those stupid movies, and they're they're fighting, and they're the guy keeps like he like cuts his arm off a sword, and he's like, Oh, are you okay? He's like, Oh, it's just a mere flesh wound. I'm like, that's you. No, no, it's fine.
SPEAKER_01I can I still have to use it. It's fine that they take his leg, and he's hopping on one leg and he's hopping. I remember that. That's you.
SPEAKER_02I'm just not gonna give up. Um I'm still here, I can still fight you.
SPEAKER_01That's right. I'm we're still fighting.
SPEAKER_02But that's so you're you're queen of number four. You have a bad MF, or if you have to, right?
SPEAKER_01You have to, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then number five, and again, if you haven't read the book, which you haven't, you might not get this one, but we've all been there. She's like, pull out that MF gutter behavior if you need to. Like it's again, it's you know what? If I need to get mad to solve this problem, I will. I can do this. Yeah, and and I think it's just replacing the oh gosh, how am I ever gonna get out of this? You know, to if you do all of these by number five, you're like, look, I survived last year, we're figuring this out, you know, and it's that inner strength, we could call it.
SPEAKER_01It's that fighting spirit, it's a what it sounds like. I haven't read the book, like you said, but what you describe that it's like that fighting spirit, it's like the fire is on under you, and you are you are there, right?
SPEAKER_02It's sometimes we repress that fighting spirit so much we don't even remember we have it because we and by we, I'm talking most about me too. I could easily fall into the place of poor me in some situations, right? We all can, but maybe we try to flip that and go I'm up for the challenge. Let's do this.
SPEAKER_01So when you're talking about the poor me, I was always told by my mother that you have five minutes a day to have a poor me time. Other than that, that's it. Stop five minutes, you can do it because you need to do that. You need but you could stay in it, but you could set a timer if you want, or just no, you have five minutes to be poor poor Vonda, that's it, and then boom, you're out of it. That's why you are the way you are. Yeah, I suppose you do have to think sometimes about a gosh, why did this happen or that? But we and we all have those things that happen, but it's like getting that number five, that fighting spirit to get back out of there that's really so important.
SPEAKER_02It is so anyway. My whole point is if you want to read the book, everyone should read the book. If you don't, don't. It's it is what it is. It's like we say, we're not for everybody, every book isn't for everybody, but I do think everyone that does read it will get some feeling of empowerment by it. Like, hey, I can do the hard things too. And that's that's what I that's what I love. That's what I love about it.
SPEAKER_01And I love it because it's a short book. I like short reads because I don't get overwhelmed because I'm like, oh my gosh, how am I reading? I know.
SPEAKER_02I'm I have so many books that are half read because of that. Like they're over 400 pages, and I'm like, I just either didn't go back to them. It's really bad. One thing, and I think she said it in the clip you played, and I want to end with it because I think it's that important. You and I even we both wrote it down, and she said her grandma used to always say it to her, and she's it's the quote was beautiful people don't just happen. And I love that because as I age and as I meet new people in my life, especially that are my age and older, and hear their story, those are the people when I think of the word beautiful, it says because we start seeing their hearts. Yeah, it's like the velveteen rabbit ripped, tattered, and torn, yet you're still beautiful because you have so much life you've experienced. And I just love that. Yeah, so true. That's true.
SPEAKER_01So, anyway, all right, Von, I'm gonna ask you, what's inspiring you right now? What's inspiring me is actually our team, because we have an amazing team at Flower Click, and I was really reflecting on that this morning, actually in my prayer time, going, Wow, you know, what an amazing team that we have together that all have the same goal, and that's to help others. I mean, it just it touches me, it really does. So that's really inspiring to me to be able to work with you every day and the rest of our team. I mean, it's really it's pretty amazing. So it is that's what's inspiring me.
SPEAKER_02It is inspiring, it is pretty amazing that our team we have figured out how to navigate not only work relationships but friendships through a computer because we all live in different places. It's pretty, I mean, you know, and we try to meet up when we can, and as this is airing, we will all be together at SAF, which will be kind of cool because we're presenting there.
SPEAKER_01Really inspiring, and then yes, that we get to be together physically, you know, several of the team members to present is just like such a gift.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and that I think that's what's inspiring me right now is being able to dip my toe back out there and not only be in see people, you guys face to face, wearing masks, of course, but you know, been able to hang out a little more with neighbors and be outside in small groups and just the the amount of laughter, how good that is for my soul. I mean, I you know me laughing. I'm like the the Disney movie monsters. Laughter is what re-energizes me.
SPEAKER_01It does.
SPEAKER_02I gotta have it. And if I don't, I can go down this feel sorry for me path for a long time. So I'm getting more and more inspired when I'm around people that make me laugh.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's life-giving, it's really life-giving for you, which is awesome.
SPEAKER_02It is so anyway. All right, it's time to refill the coffee cup, Wanda. All right, let's go. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you enjoyed spending time with us because we enjoy spending time with you. If you did, make sure you hit that subscribe button or add the business and pleasure of flowers to your Google morning routine or your flash briefing on Alexa. We look forward to seeing you next week.
SPEAKER_01So please come back and join us and discover how a bit of knowledge and one small change in your mindset can take you to new levels in your life and business.