5. Holotropic Breathwork and Life Updates with Dom

THE EPISODE
A quick catch up with your host Dom, on her first experience with Holotropic Breathwork, processing a break up, and feeling like Moana.

Tune in on Thursday for her interview with Sharon Graham on the Holotropic Breathwork community to learn more!

Follow Dom; @domchesh
                     @embodiedalchemy.pod


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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the embodied alchemy podcast. I'm your host Dominique Cheshire. Embodied Alchemy's started as a way to describe finding empowerment and has quickly grown into so much more. Embodied alchemy is about feeling the tough stuff and working through it. It's about sharing our stories, speaking our truths and hoping that there's someone out there who feels it too. We are here together to celebrate our ups and our downs because the tough stuff is where the magic happens. I am so excited to be here with you today. Are you ready? Let's go. We are supported by fully shipping houseplants and cool pots to doorsteps across Ontario soon to be nation fully makes welcoming plants into your home or office, easy and convenient. Choose your plant and pot of choice and within two to three days you're fully will arrive to your doorstep. Plus 95% of all packaging is recyclable. That is important. Fully provides happy, healthy, Hardy plants that are easy to care for. Many are locally grown in Ontario. Use code fully pod for 20% off your purchase at shop fully. Dot CA and join the plant obsession. I know I have pure balanced, balanced with an X instead of a C is a brand I have personally loved for a little while. Now I have a shirt and a cruise sweater and I love rocking them. Both. Pure balanced is an empowering apparel brand out of Toronto, creating luxurious everyday pieces. All their clothing include a sewn and empowering statement. Simply flip the X to read the affirmation. They're a brand committed to community with 5% of sales donated going to netic and 5% of sales going to friends first. You can check everything out about them on Instagram at pure balanced as well as their blog and online store, which is pure balanced.com. We want you to be able to experience their incredible stuff yourself. So for our listeners, use code alchemy 20 for 20% off your purchase and be sure to listen to founder Ali's story on episode two of this season. I am so grateful to be supported by Carmen Darley of Carly D paintings. She is a resin based artist and Toronto entrepreneur who was excited to offer podcast listeners an exclusive discount on all products, services and experiences. Go to Carly paintings.com to see all the gorgeousness and use code alchemy 15 for 15% off anything under$100. Make sure to tune into episode four of the pod where Carmen shares the journey behind her amazing art. So I really wanted to create this kind of like a sneaky bonus episode for you, but I'm going to be honest. This is like maybe the fourth time I've tried to record it and weird things keep happening. Like the computer will just stop recording, just like full on stop or I had fully managed to it and then I saved it, exited out, came back into it and the whole thing was gone. So I don't know what the universe is trying to tell me. Um, maybe it's trying to tell me to go to bed, which like I would love to do, but I feel like I can't do that without doing this. So let's hope that everything aligns this time and I can share with you, um, because I'm really excited to be coming on here, just myself again. As much as I love interviewing, um, it's kinda fun to talk to you myself. So tomorrow's episode at our regular scheduled Thursday, 8:00 AM lunch is with Sharon Graham who is part of the holotropic breathwork community in Toronto. And I interviewed her after meeting her at an event last year in may and she was speaking and describing the experiences she was having at the facility that we were and I was just so captivated by the way that she was describing things. Then the languaging that she was using, I was like, okay, this lady has seen some shit. Like she is talking in a way that I've never heard anyone speak before. So we stayed in contact and I learned more about her and what her experience is and that's how I heard about holotropic breathwork. So if you've never heard of holotropic breathwork before, essentially what it is is it's a style of breathing, um, held in a specific facility. There's like certain things you have to have in order to run it properly and safely. Um, and it's a three hour experience of breathing and it has been compared to taking Iowasca, it's been compared to shamonic journey yang, um, just because of the intensity of the experience experiences that people have. So it was of course right up my alley of something I've never done. Iowasca I've never, um, I've done like quote unquote shamonic healings, but I've never worked with, um, uh, professional, real showman. Um, but I have done breath work before, so I was really, really curious about the experience because it has also been, it's tied with psychedelics in therapy and I think it's a very interesting world to be exploring. Um, especially thinking about like my own trauma and my own recovery and how unconventional things really helped me. And breathwork was one of them. So the first time I ever did any sort of breathwork experience, I was in Guatemala and I was taking a course. I was, um, on like a[inaudible] or a Teflon, depending who you speak to because I feel like everyone says it differently. Um, I was there for a month and part of the meditation center that I was at, part of the offering was that there were different classes and courses you could take. So there was a workshop offered and I think it was maybe four days and it was specifically breathwork. And I, my friend Val, I was about to say, I had a friend as if I haven't already spoken about Val on his podcast, but my friend Val had been there a few years before me and she was like, look, if they're there, the facilitator is there, you have to do the breath work because it changed my life. And I was like, girl, you know, I'm into it, so I'm gonna do it. And so basically it's, I think it was four days and I believe it was anywhere from an hour to like two and a half hours that we were in workshop a day. I can't quite remember. Um, and it started off very simple. It's all based around yoga principles of breathing. Oh, sorry. They'll get principles of breathing. Um, and she just simply called what we were doing, a Korea breath. And their Korea just means cleansing. There are different things you can do to provide Korea for your body and spirit and soul. Uh, so that's all I really know it as. And the first couple of days were just like basic types of breath that you would learn in class or at a 200 hour experience of teacher training. And then it built to this specific patterning. And the intention of the patterning is that you breathe really intensively for a short period of time. And then the very last round of breath you hold your last breath in and you do a moodra that closes off your eyes, your nose and your ears. So you're sort of blocking off the census. And the idea is that like after doing this a certain amount of times, the amount of oxygen that's circulating around through your body and into your brain can allow you to have sort of like trippy experiences if that's what you want or if that's what your body wants. So the first couple of days that we did this, I kept getting to a point where I felt that like dizzy feeling like the spins that you got. The only other time, Oh my gosh, probably I'd be the only other time that I've ever really experienced that was with concussion or like drinking when you're drinking and get the spins. So it took me a little while to feel comfortable with feeling that and knowing that I was totally safe. And the second last day that we were in workshop together I went and I, and I was committed to the experience and I was ready for it. And when I did the lock I fully traveled back in time to a different, to a different time. And I was reliving this memory that my body had had but that I had not, I don't, I didn't personally remember, but obviously my body remembered this experience where I was in the hospital and I was unconscious but I was listening. But I was also conscious cause I was listening to the nurses and the doctors talk over me about me and I could hear the hospital beeping. And it took me a second like I fully remember, sorry, I don't mean to you on, I fully remember remembering this experience and working through the process of I've been here before, but where am I? I can't really see anything but I'm hearing my name, I'm hearing them say Dominique Cheshire, these are her injuries, this is her age. Um, and then I realized it was a memory from the hospital and the facilitator guess like I, it was on the outside clear that I was having this experience cause I don't actually know physically what my physical body was doing. But she did came, she put her hand on my back or my head or something and just sort of like brought me back into the space. And I remember just feeling like, Whoa, what the fuck just happened? That was like trippy F and then the next day it was our final day or final series together. And I didn't go back to a memory. I had like a vision experience and I haven't talked about this a lot. I don't think on the podcast. In fact, I've barely talked about it to people. In my life, but I used to see things like all the time. I'm like, I mean I guess visions is the way that, that you, the word that you would use. But I used to get visions all the time, especially when I was a teenager, cause I think that's when I was sort of like most vulnerable to these experiences. And definitely in the past year that skill has sort of drifted away. And I'll get to that in a second. But, um, I had this vision and it's a vision of something I have seen before. And so that was really cool to sort of have that confirmation. So that was my, the only previous experience I had with breath work. So, and I loved it. And so as Sharon was describing holotropic breathwork, to me, I was sort of like, okay, yay. This is very much something I'm into and interested in. And I've sort of dabbled a little bit and had a really great, I'll be at a little freaky, um, experience and I definitely be open to doing this again. So when I interviewed her, um, there hadn't been an opportunity for me to go take a holotropic breathwork experience. So tomorrow's interview is really focused around what holotropic breathwork is, how Sharon got into it and what her life has been like since, as well as like participating, how, how you could participate. But I really wanted to be able to do it myself before we launched that episode because I wanted to be able to share my own personal experience with it. So I recorded with her, um, I think just before Christmas and then I had the opportunity to take a workshop just at the end of January. So I was like, yes, this is perfect. I'm so excited. Let's do it. And I knew a little bit about it because obviously I had interviewed her, but it was very interesting going in myself. So it's a really long day. I had to be at the facility, which was downtown Toronto at 9:00 AM and we finished just after 7:00 PM. You get paired off with someone and that pairing is completely random. You are welcome to come or Sashco arrive. You're welcome to attend with someone, you know, but they recommend that you don't actually partner up with each other for the experience because if you already know that person, you might be inclined to want to engage with them when maybe what they need is not to have anyone engaged with them. So it's better to go with a stranger. So we all arrive, it's not a particularly big group. I think maybe there was like eight to 10 of us, um, and there was two facilitators and so we all arrive and we sit in a circle and they sort of do like a pre experience chat so that everyone can kind of be on the same page with expectations. And there was a woman sitting next to me who is older than me, um, and I loved her vibe and anytime she was engaging in conversation, she just like really cracked me up. And I just felt like this is the woman that I'm supposed to be working with today. And as they were talking about it, they were describing the roles. So you partner up because you have a breather and you have a sitter. Each person gets a chance to be both roles. And that's what kind of makes the day so long. So each breath work session is three hours long. So when you're a sitter, you're literally just sitting there for three hours making sure that if the breather needs anything that you provide it for them. And then you have a break for lunch and then you swap. So it's another three hour session and whoever didn't breathe in the morning breeds in the afternoon after both experiences, you have a chance to color, especially if you were the person breathing. It's a nice opportunity to get more grounded and um, have something tangible that represents your experience. And at the very end of the day, you, we have, we had like a S a circle, like a share circle. So some of these events, there's like hundreds of people that attend and you kind of have to break it up into much smaller things. But because we were such a small group, we kind of all got to stay together, which is kind of cool. So they start by talking about really the responsibility of the sitter. Because when you're in the, in the breathwork, you're just in the breathwork, right? You're like, you're, you're not focused on anything else other than your experience. And that's only if you're like conscious of what's happening. Cause I guess for some people they're, they're really not. Um, but if you're the sitter, your job is to keep the breather safe without interfering in their experience. So that can go from if the breather feels like they'd like some water, you pass them some water because as a breather, um, they offer you an eye cover so that your eyes can stay close so you can stay in your, in your kind of own little personal bubble so you can't see anything. So the sitter will give you water if you'd like. Earplugs, if you'd like blankets, if you need to go to the washroom, the sitter is essentially your guide for all of those things. If you as a breather are having a more aggressive experience. I'd actually, I don't know if aggressive is the right word. More active, I should say. So an example they gave is that one person started having a full on temper tantrum and wanted to like hit their head against the floor or hit their fist against the floor. So instead of stopping them from that experience, they just put pillows around them to make sure that whatever body part they were hitting wasn't actually hitting the floor. And of course there are professionally trained facilitators there to like really step in when things get Mickey or McKee. Um, really your job as the sitter is just for the basic stuff like blankets, earplugs, bathroom. And if it gets more out of hand then there's a professional there. So that was interesting because it was pretty clear when we were in the circle that most of us had been there because we wanted to do the breathing, but they were saying to us like the mediators were saying to us, you know, it's actually often the sitting that's the most profound. And I was sort of like, I mean I've sat, I think the longest I've ever sat in meditation is an hour, but that was like an intentional meditation. I haven't sat and just like been bored in, I really don't know how long we have phones. I have a computer, I have books to read. I've worked to do, I have coloring books, you know, like I haven't sat and done nothing because even meditation is something I haven't sat and done nothing for three hours in, God knows how long. So I decided to be a breather in the afternoon and let my partner be this sitter or let my partner be the breather first because I just felt like I don't know what kind of experience I'm going to have. I don't want to have that experience and then be really tired. I also kind of wanted to see what would happen. And so our group was a particularly tame group, like not a lot. There wasn't a lot of really intense activity, which is so interesting because holotropic breathwork has been compared to journeying an iOS scan and whatnot. And those are pretty physical experiences that generally tend to happen. So I was ready for this to be a very physical, um, like scene for three hours and it really, really wasn't. There wasn't a lot of movement. My breather barely moved at all. Um, which was really interesting for me to just kind of have to sit there and, and just be there if she needed anything. And really that was it. My job was just to be there and not do anything, which I'll circle back to. Um, so that was like, that was an interesting experience to have to sit for three hours. There's music playing because the music follows a very specific rhythmic pattern. Um, which is kind of interesting cause you can just sit and listen to it. But yeah, three hours of just sitting there. So then in the afternoon I was sort of like, okay, you know, leading up to this experience, I've only ever really heard super, super intense things. So I wonder what's going to happen for me. It's no secret that I am a nightmare to sleep next to. I talk in my sleep, I shouted in my sleep, I teach in my sleep. Sometimes I move around in my sleep. I've gotten up in my sleep before. So given that that's a normal occurrence for me, I was sort of like, I wonder what's going to happen here. And so I got down, I got cozy and you are guided through a little bit of breath, but it wasn't anything at all like what I thought it was going to be. So[inaudible] you start by inhaling, exhaling, inhaling, exhaling, and there's no real pauses and you kind of pick up the pace of that as much as it makes sense for you and you breathe as deeply as quickly as you can. And so I started getting that sort of like dizzy experience again and I was lying down. So I was like trying to fight it, trying to just like go with the flow. But my body was like, no, I don't want to go there. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to like force myself into feeling dizzy. So I didn't breathe like that for that long. And it wasn't guided for a very long time either. It was only guided for maybe like five or 10 minutes. And then I just sort of fell asleep and I moved around a little bit just cause I had had some stuff going on with my back. So lying on my back wasn't super comfortable, but I, other than that I really didn't move that much, which was surprising. So three hours and I, I know that while I was asleep there were things that I was experiencing. Like I was experiencing messages and I know I was seeing things, but I didn't remember any of it when I came back into the world. But I really felt like, I dunno, I just felt like my body was humming, if that makes sense, in kind of a different way than it had been before. And they tell you in the sharing circle that you do after we were listening to everybody's experiences and they tell you that it's not uncommon to spend the next week feeling really, really psychically sensitive and to want to make huge life changes. Like there's people who come out of it and are like want to get a divorce and quit their job and move across the country. And so there they recommend that you don't do anything big like that or have any big conversations like that. Okay. But I was like, well, there's nothing in my life that I feel like I would do that with. And I, on my way home as I was heading back to the apartment, I was started like, you know, this is very interesting. I don't feel like I had a hugely profound physical experience, but something feels different. Like I F I feel like something has shifted. And when I got home, um, it was just me. I was the only one home for a little bit to where I had had to go to his family family's house. And so because I had slept for three hours, I was like not tired at all. And he came home pretty late and was pretty tired himself and was trying to stay up with me and I was just like, honestly, go to bed. It's totally fine. And so he went to bed and I stayed up like much later than I ever usually do. And for no reason at all. I had this thought of what if we broke up and then I was, no, that's weird. Why would I think that? I don't, that's not at all something that I think that I want and okay, it's been a busy month and I know that I feel kind of funky right now, but that's nothing. It's nothing at all. And so the next morning we woke up, it was like any old morning, we got breakfast, we were sitting on the couch, we were chatting and then we kind of got quiet and it was like within a split second the energy changed and I, I didn't feel, I didn't feel that different. I just felt like, I just felt like when I was doing the holotropic workshop, I felt like the reason I went to sleep was because the powers that may be needed me to not be conscious in order to make the energy changes, if that makes sense. So we're finished having breakfast, we're chatting, and then it goes quiet and then the energy in the room just totally changes and kind of out of nowhere to or tells me that he wants to break up, which came as a total shock and surprise. But then also I'm like, that's so wild. I, I had this thought last night but didn't say anything and obviously it was an incredibly emotional day and was an incredibly emotional week because I got my stuff out of the city as soon as I go ahead and I had to figure my life out because we lived together. All my work was in Toronto. A lot of my friends are in Toronto. My podcast was based out of my apartment. My interviews are based out of my apartment. This was the week that the podcast was lunching and so it was a very messy emotional week, but the undercurrent of it all felt like it was what was supposed to happen. And I really feel like I had such confidence in that because of being at this workshop, which maybe is what I feel like because that feels comfortable, but it really did feel like that experience of sitting for three hours of having to be a, be present for someone without interfering with someone to be sitting there knowing that the time is going to pass. Um, and there's not a lot I can do about it other than just sit in it and then eventually it'll be my turn. Right? Like that's how I felt when I was there. So, so I felt like that whole week, that whole experience was basically just just coming from that. And I genuinely, when people would ask, even like two weeks later would ask, are you okay? I was like, yeah. And I and mean it. And I mean, I want to be very mindful that anyone who knew us or knew Hemann and I don't know what has been said outside of what I've shared with my personal friends, but there's no love lost. There was nothing intensely tragic in our relationship. There was no abuse, there was no infidelity. It was loving and sweet and intentional and thoughtful. And I think it can be all of those things and maybe still not be right, which is a really scary thing to say out loud, but, but having a day where I got to just like be in my whew, made me realize that I really haven't done that and that might, my intuition and my passion for astrology and taro and energy work and metaphysics and all of these funny little quirks that I have are things that I had been kind of dimming down over the years because I didn't want to or I didn't feel like they were an essential part of what made me happy. And now that I've had some time, I'm realizing that they totally, totally are like totally are. And that if this hadn't have happened, maybe I would have had this experience. Breathing felt like something changed and then never ever followed up on that, you know? And so I think it takes a lot of bravery to ask for what you feel like you need or needs to happen. Even if you know it's going to cause a bit of pain and suffering. And so I'm really, really proud of him for initiating this whole thing, knowing that it was going to be messy and it was messy kind of. But then it also like everything in my life anyway, just sort of worked out. And I've used this analogy a few times for people where I feel I kind of feel like Milana and not just because I want to live in Hawaii, but, so if you haven't seen marijuana, the gist of it basically is there's this girl who knows that she has purpose and just has to believe in herself. And so she builds a rat or finds a raft, finds a little, little Rafti heads out onto the ocean even though she doesn't know how to, how to sail. Um, and just decides that she has, she knows she has this purpose and she doesn't necessarily know the details, but she just know that this is what she was born for. And so throughout the movie, there's all these little anecdotal things where she falls into the water. So like either just by falling in herself or her travel companion throws her in and it's this cute little like animation of the water that always scoops her up and puts her back on the raft. And that's how I feel. I feel like I'm just on this raft and not raft in a like, what's that a Tom Hanks movie when he's like lost on an Island, not like that. That kind of rat, like a purposeful RAF, a a life raft. And I'm on this current and I don't necessarily know exactly where I'm going or how I'm getting there. And I don't necessarily have all of my tools just yet. But the more that I believe in myself and the more that I come back to all of these things that I love, that aren't for everybody, I recognize that like talking about the planets and how the planets and your taro reading and how your energy work together is not for everybody, but it's for me, it puts tangibility to the things that I feel and I just know, um, can you tell that I get excited about this and I, and I also feel like that's what purpose should feel like purpose should feel exciting and bring you joy. And then there's joy in your purpose. And like, I feel like I have that back a little bit and not that it was ever taken away from me. I let that go and I need to sit for myself now. You know, like I need to do that three hours set of not interfering, but letting it happen and knowing that I'm supported and knowing that if I need to go to the bathroom, someone's going to guide me there, you know? But I, I really feel like that whole day of breathing was like prep for this huge change in my life that I didn't even facilitate, like physically, purposefully, intentionally. I feel like it's something that just knew that it was going to happen. Like just the timing of it is not an accident and that's when it was supposed to happen. And so yeah, I mean I would love to do it again because I mean it was a small group in the middle slash end of January, so it was like a sleepy winter souls dusty time anyway. And so I would love to do a version or a workshop in another place, maybe another country where it's warmer. So maybe like spring, summer and there's loads more people. Um, cause I'm just really curious about what the energy of that would be, but I just, I, it was really fascinating. It was really fascinating. And again, like I didn't have a hugely physical experience, but I believe that the experience I did have was way more energetic. Like so energetic. Like I fell asleep and it was like zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Like all of these things where like, okay, she's asleep, let's figure this out right now. Like, we have three hours, let's align all the stars. Let's agree that there's going to be some painful things, but the painful things are going to lead to better things because like, honestly, if I have this space right now to like really come home to myself and, and love up on all the things, I love that it just means that if I'm fortunate enough to be in a relationship again, that it's only going to be better. And like that's exciting. I feel excited about that. And yeah. Yeah. That was my, that was my experience. And I, um, I mean, I definitely, I recommend going if you're curious, but I would say that it would be unfair to put this massive pressure on the experience to be like a shamonic journeying experience, like an Iowasca experience because then you're sort of already creating something that might not be exactly what your body wants. Um, but we will be talking about all of that stuff more tomorrow on Sharon's episode and I just, I'm so happy I could come on in and share my personal experience with you beforehand so that you kind of have an idea on what it is and what can happen and how things can happen. Um, and this scale that things can happen on because it can be so, so, so different. Okay. I'm so just grateful. I'm so grateful always to be able to get to do this and to get to share and I hope you enjoyed it. If you're curious at all, even after listening to tomorrow's with Sharon and curious about like, like holotropic breathwork personally, if there's anything that is left lingering question wise that doesn't get answered between the two episodes, please feel free to reach out to me and let me know. Um, the best way to make sure you don't miss a single second of excitement is to make sure you are subscribed to the podcast. So I super recommend making sure that that's happening. I've been getting so many amazing sweet messages from people in my inbox. Please keep sending those to me. But also, if you have something really kind and awesome to say about the podcast, please feel free to throw that in the reviews. Um, it's pretty cool to be able to see with each other what everyone's thinking and feeling and sharing. I hope that you love debt. I will see you tomorrow. I guess you'll hear me tomorrow again and maybe I'll do more of these. It's kind of funny talking by yourself. I have a mirror across from me, so I like every once in a while, keep like gazing over at myself. I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. I love you and I'll see you later.

Speaker 2: 32:32

[inaudible].