Are You Burntout?

056  I've hit the pandemic wall!  I'm basically camped out here.  I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed.  I'm just ugh.  And, it turns out, I'm burntout. 

What is burnout? And how might it be affecting you?  In this episode I share the three components of burnout and give you two action steps to start to fight back!

More info <<HERE>>

Link to burnout book cited in episode<<HERE>>

Transcript

Ellen Leonard: 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the healthy, happy and mostly sane entrepreneur. I'm your host, stress management consultant, and coach and mostly sane entrepreneur Ellen Leonard. Each week, I share my obsession with figuring out how to prioritize your own health and sanity while running a business, because I don't think you have to sacrifice your own health and well being to be successful. So please stay tuned for today's episode full of actionable tools. And don't forget to hit subscribe to be sure you don't miss out on future episodes. And speaking of staying healthy, happy and mostly sane. In today's show notes, you'll find a link to a freebie just for you. 24 ways to stress less, that's right click on that, download your free 24 ways to stress less. I have been a stress management consultant and coach for over seven years now helping hundreds of clients and students figure out how to manage their stress. And so I took my 24 best steps and loaded them into a guide just for you to get you started and help you start to manage stress. If you listen to the podcast in real time, then you'll know that this episode is late in coming out, which is very unlike me, I like to do things on time, I like to check off lists and get things done. But I hit a bit of a wall, I believe what people call it is the pandemic wall. And I'm sure you felt a version of it. It's just exhaustion, burnout, all sorts of fun things. just tired of dealing with all the craziness of the world today. And so I took a break, I took a timeout, just for myself,

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it was

Ellen Leonard: 2:02

really hard. Because I don't like not doing or accomplishing the things that are important to me. And I'm guessing that rings true with a lot of you, right? Like we have these things that not only are you passionate about I'm obviously very passionate about my podcast and and trying to help you stay healthy, happy and sane. That's so important to me. And so I was really disappointed in myself for not being able to show up and do that. But at the same time, I knew that I needed a break. And so I took it. And so I'm coming back to you this week, because of course my break didn't necessarily involve sitting around and doing nothing. Although I really did try to do that. I did some some quality reading. I did watch some, some Netflix, but I did some quality reading. And I wanted to share some of the interesting things that I learned with you today that helped me to kind of understand what I was experiencing and try to find a way through. Right? There's so much right now. And this is being recorded in February of 2021. There's so much right now, that's beyond our control. Right? We cannot control a worldwide pandemic. We cannot control so much of what is going on in our lives right now. And that is what is termed a chronic stressor, a stressor that is indefinite in many ways that seems to have no end. Although I do keep hoping for one. I do keep hoping that everything's gonna work out and things go back to normal. But I think you get what I'm saying, right? There's so much about this, that every day is kind of the same and, and time seems to have a different kind of meaning than it did before all of this started. And it can be really overwhelming to not have that control. In fact, one of the biggest things that adds stress to our lives is how we perceive control. If we receive that we have no control. And that is super stressful. If we believe that we have even a little bit of control, then that helps to manage our stress. And I have talked about this, you can go check out episodes, two, three and four, it was so important that covered it within the first five episodes of this podcast about stress and how we can control it more effectively. But today, I wanted to address burnout in particular. And so that's what we're gonna get started with today. So let's dive in. So what are you going to get out of today's episode, you are going to get to define burnout for yourself and kind of wrap your mind around it and see if that's what you're experiencing. Because once we understand the things that are going on with us, and we can name them that gives us back a feeling of control. Right when we feel like something is insurmountable, and we just feel this thing, but we can't explain it, that lessens our feeling of power and control. But I am all about giving your power back. So that's what we're going to start with today. And I started reading this book called burnout, the secret to unlocking the stress cycle, right? I mean, such a page turner, I'm sure you're like omg. I really want to read that. But I did. That's actually how I how I feel about books like this, because I'm such a nerd. It's my two sisters, Emily and Amelia and Nagasaki. And they share a lot of interesting concepts, which I won't get into. Because for reals, I could talk about this book for like the next five days, it is

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packed

Ellen Leonard: 5:48

with amazing information about stress, which I think we both know I'm obsessed with. But anyway, I wanted to talk about the definition of burnout. Because when I read this, it was so profound for me. And I want to quote what they said directly. They said, We all have an intuitive sense of what burnout is, we know how he feels and our bodies, and how our emotions crumble in the grip of it. And I thought that was a really interesting way to start off their introduction to in the book to burnout. That we've all felt it, like we have a sense of it. Even if we can't clearly define it like clinically, or by science standards. We all have a sense of it. But I don't know if you've noticed this, it seems like nobody ever really talks about it. Nobody ever says to me, at least oh my gosh, I'm so burnt out. We use words like exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, tired, we use a lot of different words to describe what I think might actually be burnout. And so they also include a definition by a guy whose name I don't know why I thought his name was so funny. It's from 1975, his name is Herbert, Ferdinand freudenberger, freudenberger. Anyway, sub psychologist dude. And he defined burnout as having three components. So I'm gonna read them to you. But I really want you to think about them as I'm reading them. Because they literally, clearly define what I experienced last week, and what I've been feeling off and on in moments for quite a while now. And of course, throughout my life overall. And so I'm guessing it's going to ring true for you as well. So burnout, he said, has three components. Number one is emotional exhaustion, which I thought was a interesting way to put something because I guess I never really think of my emotions that way, I think of them as just kind of, I'm experiencing this thing. And then eventually, I will be experiencing it like anger or frustration, or happiness, or sadness, or all those different things. Anyway, he said, emotional exhaustion, which was defined as the fatigue that comes from carrying too much for too long. And I'm going to read that again. Because for me, that was just such a big aha moment. The fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long. And think about that for a second. If you're a parent, if your friend if your spouse, if you are in any kind of helping profession, that is literally defining the last year of our lives, right? If not our entire lives, but the last year of our lives, right? It's, we all care so much, so many of us care so much we care about our kids, I care about my students, I'm so worried about them literally all the time. I'm worried about them. I care about my clients, I'm worried about them all the time. I have clients who are physicians on the frontlines, and I mean, can you hear the emotion in my voice? I worry about them. I care about them. I worry about my friends, my family, of course, Oh, I'm so worried about them. It's caring too much for too long. Okay, so component number two of burnout, according to Herbert is depersonalization. And he defines this as the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion. And I read that again, the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion. And what I valued so much about that was the word depletion. And I'm laughing because depletion pleted explains so much of what I've been feeling over the past few months, right? I feel depleted. All the empathy, the compassion, the caring, I am depleted. It's still in there, I still care so much. But it's taking a toll. And so I really valued that definition that was offered for that. So hopefully you find some, some resonance and support with that definition as well. And Herbert's third component of burnout was a decreased sense of accomplishment. And an conquerable sense of futility feeling that nothing you do makes any difference. And there are several things of that, that I feel like are so relevant today. So that decreased sense of accomplishment. I feel like so many entrepreneurs and business owners, we see that other people are doing X, Y, and Z. And then we feel bad, because we're not doing X, Y, and Z, we feel like we're not enough. Like, we'll never accomplish as much as them or be as much as them or do as much as them. We see people launching different programs, we see people having a podcast, we see people writing a book, all during this time of intense stress. And maybe you feel like what you're doing isn't enough, like you can't compete. And so I thought that was an interesting component of burnout. Because I don't know, if two years ago before all this started, if you were doing the same amount of stuff that you're doing now that you would feel the same way. I don't know that you'd feel like there was a sense of futility to what you were doing or like you weren't accomplishing enough. But I definitely feel that in what I do, sometimes I even feel like this podcast is is pointless? Because I worry like, Is it making a difference for anybody? is it helping people the way that I hope it will. And then I come back to reality. And I remember the reviews and the emails that I get, and I see your listens. So I know you're listening for some reason. But these three components really helped me to kind of wrap my mind around what I was experiencing. And I hope it's the same for you that if you experience any of that, you can take a moment to kind of acknowledge it, and almost give it a language, I find that with my stress. And with things like burnout, giving it a language giving me a way to speak about it and to define it to myself. And to kind of give it a container that it can exist in in a way that I can think about it is always so helpful in helping me take back control, because once I realize these things, then then I can take action. Right? When I feel just overwhelmed and exhausted and stressed and burnout and all these different things when I feel that way. And I can't really explain it, then I don't have the same power and control. But when I can define it, like those three components helped me to define it, then I can take back control. The other thing I thought was so funny about this, finding just this one page on the book, it's even just in the introduction of the book I told you, it's like not even in the full book. But that this Herbert guy, he defined that in 1975. The definition of this is older than I am. And I've never been taught that stuff. And I just think that's so interesting that that somehow that wasn't a part of the information that I was given in my head to be fully functioning healthy, happy and sane human like I feel like that should have been included. Herbert was onto it 40 plus years ago, and I'm just now finding out about it. So hopefully, it's helpful for you as well. So now that you kind of have a way to define burnout, and maybe you're like, yeah, I sometimes feel that I sometimes feel some of those things, or I feel all of those things all of the time. Whatever it is, I always want to give you an action step, something that you can do immediately after listening and start to work on this. And even if you're listening and you're like I experienced none of that just to be clear action steps are always useful for everybody. But the number one action step that I've said again and again and that I encourage everybody to do Is to seek out a mental health professional, right. And don't worry, I'm going to give you another action step. But I just always want to come back to this one. There's nothing like a therapist in the middle of a worldwide crisis, to help you figure out your emotions, your thoughts and to help us work through that. I found my therapist insanely valuable throughout all this. And so we hope you'll consider reaching out for someone I like to think of it as, as being on my team, as more people that are on my team, I actually talked about this in podcast episode one, how you cultivate your own sustainable health squad, like these people that I hire, who are experts in their field who helped to keep me healthy, body, mind, emotions, all of me healthy. So I have, obviously a doctor, like a medical physician, I have a dentist, right? I'm not in charge of my teeth, that would not go well. I have a massage therapist, I have an actual therapist therapist, I have people on my team who are there to support me and to keep me going. And so I would encourage you highly if you haven't already to really find somebody who can support you. And let's dive into action. Step number two, action. Step number two, is another one that I've covered previously. And this is one of my favorite things to do. And every time I come back to this practice, I'm always rewarded with benefits. In fact, it's what I use last week to help me battle, the burnout and exhaustion that I was experience. It is self compassion. I know I've talked about it a lot. If you'd like to go listen to all six episodes, the series that I did on it, you can go back to Episode 10. It's so valuable. I go back and listen to my own actual episodes. Like a crazy woman, because they're so informative. I just I find something new every time I listen. But anyway, self compassion is basically this idea. It's exactly what you think it is just being a little bit nicer to yourself just being a little kinder to yourself. And when you think about the things that I explained that were going on in burnout, caring too much, like feeling depleted, and empathy and compassion, those kinds of things. Coming back to this idea of being a little bit kinder to yourself, can be incredibly powerful. So often, when we care about other people, when we give so much when we put others first, we can forget ourselves. And that's okay some of the time, but it's not okay, all the time. And self compassion as a practice as a tool invites us to come back to this idea of being intentionally nice to ourselves. And my favorite way to practice this is how would you treat a friend? Okay, so I'm sure you've heard her previous episodes where I talked about this method, but here we go again. So if you'd been my friend last week, and you'd call me amid, like, Oh, my gosh, Ellen, I'm so exhausted. I just, I just have so much going on, you know, I'm, I'm grading all these papers for school. And then I've got some clients this week, and I'm just, I'm just so tired and exhausted and burnout. I've just got a lot going on. I don't think I can do my podcast this week. But I feel really bad about that. I feel like I'm failing. I feel like I'm letting people down. I just feel awful about it. And I, as your friend would say, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You're feeling that way. You work so hard. I see how much you care about other people. I see how hard you work. You deserve time off and a break and it's okay. You do not have to be perfect all the time, people will understand. People are compassionate, they are forgiving. And it's okay to take time for yourself. So I would ask you, if you're struggling with anything, is to see if you can find that self compassion by thinking about how you would treat a friend if they came to you. And we're experiencing the same thing that you're going through? What would you say to them? How would you support them? What would you offer to them? What words of support and love and encouragement would you offer? Because I know that's the kind of friend you are. You're the kind of friend who shows up and loves and supports and is like how can I help? What do you need? So be that same kind of friend to yourself. Make that self compassion something that you practice regularly? Well, that's it for this episode. As always, my sincere hope is that you found what we discussed today to be helpful. in your life and found a way that you can make it work for you, because that's what matters. Doesn't matter what's working for somebody else. Whatever we talk about here, it has to work for you. It has to be useful to you. So how can you use what we discussed today in your life? How can you take that back with you, and make it work for you. So be sure to tune in next week, when we get back to our regularly scheduled weekly every week, podcasting programming, and be sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss out on future episodes. And thank you so much for listening. I really do appreciate you and value you. And I wish you a healthy, happy and mostly sane week. I'll see you next time.