E257: I Tried for Three Days and I Couldn’t Cope

Pete Axthelm once said he tried to quit drinking for three days — and couldn’t cope. He died at 47, convinced that life without alcohol wasn’t survivable. That sentence stopped me cold, because for many of us, it’s painfully familiar.

In this episode, Steve and I talk about why quitting alcohol feels less like a choice and more like standing at the edge of a cliff. We explore the uncomfortable truth that for many alcoholics, alcohol wasn’t just the problem — it was the solution. It was how we coped with anxiety, fear, anger, and everyday life.

We unpack what actually happens in the brain when alcohol is removed, why early sobriety feels unbearable, and how alcohol lies by convincing us we can’t cope without it. We also talk about why trying to do this alone can be dangerous, when medical help may be necessary, and why the feeling that “this is how I’ll feel forever” isn’t true.

Most importantly, we talk about learning to cope over time — not instantly. The 12 steps, meetings, and fellowship aren’t about willpower or perfection; they’re a slow, imperfect way to build real coping skills after years of numbing. One day at a time. One step at a time. Sometimes just borrowing someone else’s confidence until you find your own.

If you’re standing at the edge, wondering how you’re supposed to live without alcohol, this conversation is for you.

Check out the referenced article, highly recommended about Pete Axthelm in Sports Illustrated back in 2021.

Transcript

Steve: 0:02

When you, when you're talking about that, you know, just immediately, I think, isn't that why we drink? Because we can't cope? I mean it, like that, for many of us, probably most of us, and me, especially, and I'll talk about me, is that I drank because there are things I couldn't cope with. And when people say things like, 'cause I, I was just at it for a while, too. Alcohol was in my problem, was my solution, right? Absolutely. When I first heard that, I thought, "Oh, that's bullshit." Alcohol was my problem, I drank too much, right? I couldn't stop drinking, like, until I really, really did a lot of work and understood my alcoholism. Again, it's different for other people, but my alcoholism, I realized that, oh no, alcohol is absolutely my solution. It was my coping mechanism, right?

Matt: 0:51

This is the sober friend's podcast. My name is Matt J. Steve is here, helping me out. What's going on, Steve?

Steve: 1:00

Good morning, Matt.

Matt: 1:03

Here's what we're here for. People who are so precurious, people already on that, half people who have just gotten the scent to them. I don't know.'Cause they think they, their friends think they have a problem, or a joke, or whatever, but you're here, or whatever reason. I read, and I went down a rabbit hole this week. This is an old sports illustrated article I read in 2021. Steve, do you remember the sports writer and sportscaster Pete Axthelm?

Steve: 1:34

Vagely. Yeah.

Matt: 1:35

He was, he was a sports writer, 70s, 80s. He was an NBC, he later joined ESPN when they started their NFL coverage. And I remember him very vividly, but this was at the end of his life, and he wasn't the Pete Axthelm that he was before. What I didn't know at the time is that Pete had an alcohol problem, pretty famous alcohol problem. And he died early in 1991 at the age of 47. In my young eyes, he looked incredibly old, but he wasn't, 47, younger than me, that I am now. And he died of alcoholism, and he was well known for his drinking. He's known for his really brilliant sports writing. He was good on TV, but by the end, he was falling apart. And when he was in the hospital one of the times, somebody said you got a quit. And he said, I tried for three days and I couldn't hope. And really, he just kind of killed himself. He would rather be dead than be alive and not drinking. And I could relate to that feeling when I thought about quitting, and I am sure a lot of people before they quit could relate to that of I can not see life without alcohol. So why quit? That becomes how do you get over that hurdle?

Steve: 3:16

When you talking about that, just immediately I think isn't that why we drink because we can't cope. For many of us, probably most of us, and me, especially, and I'll talk about me, is that I drank because there were things I couldn't cope with. You know, when people say things like, I was just stood it for a while too, alcohol was my problem was my solution right?

Matt: 3:46

Absolutely,

Steve: 3:46

when I first heard that, I thought, oh, that's bullshit, alcohol was my problem, I drank too much, right, I couldn't stop drinking. Until I really, really did a lot of work and understood my alcoholism again, it's different for other people, but my alcoholism, I realized that oh no, alcohol was absolutely my solution. It was my coping mechanism, right, because I have, because here's what happens and it still happens today, and I talk about it, and I talked about it with another AA this week. A we were talking about going to meetings, and I said, you know, we were talking about going out, and I had gone out to a lot of meetings recently. And one thing I said to him, and this guy's got, I don't know, six, seven years of sobriety, and we talked about staying sober, and I used the example of recently where my wife said, I told my wife, if I could stay sober, without going to meetings, I would. It surprised her, and we were talking about that a little bit, and he goes, yeah, and I like, the other thing is like, well, I go to meetings so I can be nice. And again, this is me, because the first thing that happens, I don't go pick up a drink, if I stop going to meetings where I lose my program, I don't pick up a drink, I just start becoming, I become an asshole. And, and so what alcohol did for me was when I hit that point where I was going to become an alcohol, I mean, an asshole, I went and got a drink, which made me feel better.Right . So, yeah, it was a coping mechanism for many of us. And for me, in particular, and it took me a long time to figure that out, and I can see that somebody who knew might be coming in, *coughs* excuse me, might say, "I don't know how I'm gonna cope without my alcohol. Yeah, how many times have we said, 'oh, I've had a tough day, I need a drink, I need to relax'. I know I've done it, so, it's uh, it's a jump-and-off point that can be difficult. It can be difficult to jump off at that point and then try to figure out how you're gonna cope. Eh, without-without something that you've used for so long, or dependent on for so long, or maybe not even that long, but you dependent on for awhile.

Matt: 5:58

For some people, it's a cliff.

Steve: 6:01

Yeah,

Matt: 6:01

agree,

Steve: 6:01

I

Matt: 6:01

for-I would say for most people. Most people don't get sober, who need to get sober.

Steve: 6:07

Alright.

Matt: 6:07

And it is a cliff that you cannot get past, that you're gonna jump off the cliff, and you're gonna hit the rocks below. And if you're really in that place, where you've tried for three days,and your mind is going bonkers, this is where you also do need to bring in a doctor.

Steve: 6:29

Yeah.

Matt: 6:31

Perhaps detox, perhaps rehab. The way P. Axthelm was drinking, doing it himself was life-threatening, just hearing how he was drinking. And that may be the case with you, you might-you might be in a case where you need to do this with the help of a doctor. It's also hard to admit you have a problem to a doctor. But I-I remember that, especially, I think socially, I didn't think I could socialize with people, I didn't have the courage to talk, because I was so afraid of other people. That I needed booze. What was I gonna do in a social situation with other people, especially when booze was around how I was I going to get through that booze with my coping mechanism, especially in that instance?

Steve: 7:19

It definitely-I was thinking about that, I don't know what it's talking, how much like-it is a cliff from any of us. It's just looking down, thinking, I can't do this. As soon as you talked about this, I thought about our buddy John, even David, who I hike with. And I think about when I started hiking with these guys, these guys were experienced hikers. I wasn't. I always wanted to-I did a lot of outdoor stuff, but I wasn't experienced. And I'm talking about big hikes up in the white mountains, if you're from the Northeast, up in New Hampshire, up in Maine, some of the bigger mountains. I was always like, "No, I can't do that." That's how it was. And John was always like, "Oh, John and I hike together a lot." And John would go, "Oh, you can do that." And I leaned on John's confidence for a long time when I hiked. And especially coming down, I tell people all the time, I can climb uphill all day long. But coming down is a different thing. You see-up hill, you don't see the danger. Down hill, you see the danger. Like, "Oh, if I fall here, I could start tumbling for a long time," you know? And I was thinking about jumping off the cliff, and then I was thinking about walking down a trail that's sort of steep and scary, and the footing isn't that good. And how it's one step at a time. I mean that honestly, like, I go down. I'm a very, very slow desender when I come down the trail. Especially if it's any type of weird footings or stuff like that. Very slow. And it's one step at a time, and it's the same thing when you get to this point where you feel like, "Oh, I can't cope. I don't know how I'm going to cope." It becomes a one day at a time program. Again, one of these silly things that we talk about. Some people love them, some people hate them. And then I'll say, "You realize, like, there's a reason why we say them. It's one day at a time, right?"

Matt: 9:18

Mhm.

Steve: 9:18

Truth is, you really don't need to jump off that cliff, but you do need to make a decision to start to, you know, make some changes. And just like my analogy with my hiking buddies, that's where the fellowship comes in, for me, right? That's where you can go into a fellowship or a program, and you can do it, different programs, but for us it's AA.

Matt: 9:42

And

Steve: 9:42

you find those people who can tell you, like, "No, no, it's okay. Trust me. It's okay. Like, you're going to be okay." That's what I needed when I was hiking. You're going to be okay. You can do this, right? And I went to a meeting, I'll just give the story. I went to a meeting, let me see. Today is, it was... know what day was, today is Sunday, so Saturday wasn't last night. It was, oh it was Friday. I didn't go to my men's meeting because we got moved, and I went up to Pathfinder's, a local club here. And there was a woman who was sharing. She was 42 days sober, clean. She's also an addict. And she was talking about how she came in, trying to save her married... but her husband is an addict.

Matt: 10:20

I don't

Steve: 10:21

And I told her, you know, at the end... First of all, I told him, listen what you're trying to do, trying to get sober while you're living with somebody who's still active, it's really hard.

Matt: 10:31

Yeah.

Steve: 10:31

It's really hard. And I told her, like, it's not impossible. it's not impossible, like you can do it, I know people who've done it. And she's like, that's the first time I shared that. I'm like, well, keep sharing it, right? Keep

Matt: 10:42

it.

Steve: 10:42

sharing And I told them, like, you need to go out and find some people, you need to find some people, right? That you can, you can lean on and help you. And I said, if you keep sharing that, that you're in here and you're living with someone who's drinking and you're trying to get sober, people will come up to you and they'll have had that shared experience. And they, and they will be able to help you through that experience. So I hope, I hope she does. You know, 42 days sober is nothing, you know, it's, it's great for her. And I just hope she just keeps working it. But that's for me that's the way it works. Right? I have to let people know where I'm at, let people know what I'm struggling with. And then in our program, somebody most of the time is going to come up to you and go, hey, you got a minute. I, I went through that too. And here's what I did, right? They're not going to say, this is what you, most of them are not going to say, this is what you need to do. Some people will try that. But most people are

Matt: 11:38

yup,

Steve: 11:38

going to say, here's what I did. You know, and, I don't know, I'll be a forever grateful to the fact that you know, somebody else told me how to cope, right? Somebody else showed me how to cope with my life struggles without alcohol.

Matt: 11:53

This is a great portion of the big book, or bills instruction here where he does give those instructions. Don't tell people what they should do. Tell your own story and let them relate to it. It is great advice because otherwise

Steve: 12:11

to

Matt: 12:11

you're going people defensive.

Steve: 12:13

Yeah,

Matt: 12:14

there are scientific reasons why you feel like you can't cope. And the reality is you can't cope, not by yourself. The alcohol alters your physiology and your emotions. It temporarily numbs your feelings. So you don't want to build skills. They feel like they're coping. discomfort is dull. Now, over time, the brain learns to expect that alcohol's common nervous system actually becomes more reactive without it. So that initial anxiety with that alcohol can intensify the feelings, not because you can't cope, because your body's trained to react that way. So alcohol gives some short-term relief, but it doesn't cultivate actual coping skills. Coping actually means discomfort while you process it, not numbing. So when you're feeling, especially early on that feeling that this feels awful, it does, but the alcohol is lying is the alcohol goes away. The alcohol is lying to you. The feelings you have are lies. And it's worth thinking that when you're going through all of those painful emotions and withdrawing from alcohol, this is not how you're going to feel a rest of your life.This is a short period of time where the nervous system is rebelling because it wants what it expects, and it eventually does change, which is why depending on what your situation is, this may not be physically healthy for you and could be incredibly dangerous to do it. On your own without detox alcohol withdrawal can kill you depending on your dependence,

Steve: 14:02

without question, without question. So you need to figure that out and do what's necessary. I know plenty of people who had to go to detox for that exact reason. Like they may have died if they didn't go into detox. Wasn't the case with me. One of the things I've done since I've gotten sober at this time is I pick one of the things I've done is that I had never done before. It's like I started reading, right, which sound weird, but I never read a lot as a kid. I didn't read a lot as a young adult, or even my early adulthood. When I got sober this time, I started reading, and one of the things I did pick up and start reading was a lot of stuff on the unbrain function, and especially brain function when it comes to substances, alcohol. And you touched on it, and I don't want to get into the weeds of it, but it's amazing what alcohol drugs do to that brain function and how it alters your brain and your reward system, right, that's what it does, and you know, if you've never done any, if you're sober out there and you just have an interest in reading, there's some reading and it's not fun reading. It's not easy reading, right, it's like it's brain stuff reading and it takes some work to read it. But there's a book out there I've suggested it to several people. It's called Never Enough, Never Enough. It's written by this woman who was a cocaine addict and alcoholic and got sober and then just wanted to get out find out about the brain chemistry of of Alva, of addiction, and she got her... doctorate, hmmm, started it all, and she wrote this book, and she, and she tells her, a nice thing about this book, in the beginning of the book, she tells her story, and how she was this alcoholic anatic in her 20s,

Matt: 15:58

and mm-hmm.

Steve: 15:59

Like, she, she was just like you and me or anybody else on the street, and it just talks about that, and, as a matter of fact, it's a book that I probably should go out, it's one of those books that I probably should find and probably put it in my library, like, some certain books I like to keep in my library, and uh, 'cause I hadn't read that one, it's been five or six years, maybe more than I've read that book, but anyway, but it does go through that, right, and then that explains exactly what you're talking about, like,

Matt: 16:26

yep,

Steve: 16:26

it is a coping mechanism, like, it's not maybe a coping mechanism, it does, 'cause it does things to your brain and your moods that changes them, and now, only to change them while you're using it, it changes them while you're not using it, right? Because what's happening is your brain has gotten used to that, just like you said a little bit, and then it sits there, and it waits, and it goes, hey, let's do that again, let's do that again, and the right, that's the obsession. Hey, let's do that again, and so, the regular chemicals that some will keep you balanced, and anybody who suffers from depression or bipolar, I mean, that's the same sort of the same thing that's happening, and that's why you take drugs to try to fix that, you take chemicals to try to fix that, and balance in your brain, it's the same thing,

Matt: 17:19

yep,

Steve: 17:19

and I'm not the doctor, and I don't play one on TV, but I've done some reading on it, and if you're out there, and you haven't, it might be something interesting to do, pick up a book to several out there now, and this is the whole other thing I started to talk about, as I started to think about, is that this is the change, right, this is the change from Bill's solution in 1939 to 2025. We understand so much of this better than we did before, which is where some of these other programs come in, who use some of these other therapies to help people stop drinking. And so there's this whole movement out there of other stuff, but, you know, AA will always be there, and you can do some of this AA fellowship, even if you're doing some other stuff with the doctor, so a lot of changes going on in recovery, but again, I'm old school, I'm AA, it's what works for me, listen, I was sitting, my wife was in bed last night, and there's a meeting right there, I have a club right up the street that has meetings three, four times a day, and I went to my wife, my wife was in bed and I'm like, hey, you're gonna hang out in bed, watch TV, she goes, yeah, all right, I'm going to go, I'm just going to go up, shoot, sit in the meeting for an hour, right, it's five minutes away from me, and that's what I do, that's what I do, right, and I always see people that I know, because it's my comfort place, it's the place where I go and just I feel comfortable.

Matt: 18:46

This is where the 12 steps are really great, as an aside, I'd love to find a doctor who knows who understands alcoholism, and I'd love to pick a doctor's brain around what we just say is different on the idea of addiction and the quote, allergy versus what doctor Silkworth has in the book. I think there is stuff worth updating there and I'd love to have a doctor on the podcast, just walk through that about their opinion, first about the doctor's opinion, and what we know now versus what we knew almost a hundred years ago, I think that would be incredibly helpful, those are the places I think the big book could have some could have some update, updating in a helpful way, and I think there's some, maybe there's some stuff around science I'd like to see, even if we stripper away some of the stuff that people they don't like about the steps, they're talking to the God stuff. This is where the steps do help you with a true coping mechanism, and they did for me, and I guess I didn't realize this until much later. The steps are really the recipe. I'm sure Bill didn't think about it this way, but your nervous system is going through a revolt on you. It's telling you lies, and it is a total panic, because it doesn't understand that the substance that it expects to help regulate is gone. So you need to go through a few things, and at a high level steps are the step one, my nervous system is going nuts without alcohol, and I can't manage, and step two is I can't do it alone. That's how I look at the higher power. You could look at it as I need God, or you could look at it as I need help to do this, and I'm not not enough. a then I need to take some action. And then later on are those steps. One of them is things that are going to really help me get sober are understanding why did I drink? What are the triggers? And then again, I got to need help with this. I got to tell somebody because actually going through that process, I wrote it down and I need to hear it with my own voice and somebody needs to react helps with that and then saying I need to let it go. Finding those people that I might have hurt to make that right, it's another thing off my nervous system. That is the recipe. The problem with the steps is it's not instantaneous. It takes time, so you're going to have to sit with pain for a while. And that's where frequent meetings can come in and frequent frequent contact with other alcoholics that gets you through the day to day of that initial pain. It helps us who have already gone through this and don't have that pain to help somebody out. It gives us a purpose for still being there.

Steve: 21:57

Yeah, you know, we all need that purpose. We all need we all need to stick around. I engage with somebody on social media the other day and just commented, I didn't engage with them.

Matt: 22:12

come

Steve: 22:13

I just and they were talking about how you know, yeah, you know, a lot there's a lot of anti a people out there. We talk about this everyone, a lot of anti-a out

Matt: 22:24

you're

Steve: 22:24

there.

Matt: 22:25

I don't know if there's a lot of lot of so

Steve: 22:27

Yeah, maybe

Matt: 22:27

I would change this way. It's loud.

Steve: 22:30

It's not only it's loud. You're right. Absolutely. You're probably right, right? And then we live in a world where once you look at one of those things, the algorithm feeds you more. So you're probably right. Probably not as big as it feels to me because I do look at those things and I will comment on them. So obviously they're going to feed me more because they want me to engage more. But anyway, I just said to this person, because this person said, Oh, yeah, once you get better, you can just leave. You don't need it anymore. And I just made the comment, but I said if everybody leaves once they're better, who's there for the newcomer,

Matt: 23:00

right?

Steve: 23:00

Right? Like who's there? Only sick people are there. Like there's there's no, there's no people to look up to. Roll models. There's no people that gets a 40 year coin and you go, holy shit. I

Matt: 23:17

Yeah.

Steve: 23:17

can say it's over for 40 years. So that's the kind of stuff like, no. No, that's not the way it works. I came in here and somebody spent a lot of time with me. A lot of people spent a lot of time with me helping me get where I am today. And I just feel like I totally feel like I need to give that back. One other thing I told this young woman, young woman, she was in her mid 40s, probably, is she made a mention when I was talking to her. And she's like, yeah, you know, sometimes I feel this AA is like cultist. We talk about it.

Matt: 23:58

But

Steve: 23:59

a lot of people feel like it's cool. And I said, AA is a little cultist.

Matt: 24:04

Yeah. It can be.

Steve: 24:05

Right. So I said to her, like, I said, you know, don't think like, Oh, it's not working for me. Because this is the way I feel like, no, no, you that's their legitimate feeling. That's why I wanted to tell her like that's legitimate. Right. But I said, I told her like, but it could save your life. Right. Even if it feels that way, it can still save your life. So, you know, you know, I'm pretty honest about it. I mean, there's good stuff. There's bad stuff. There's stuff that I don't care for. When I was at the meeting Thursday night, this guy came in and they went and they mentioned anybody coming back and knew and this guy raises his hand and he starts to ramble a little bit like this is just the opening of the meeting, right. Yeah, I'm coming back and it doesn't work. And in the chairperson sort of cut him off gently and nicely like so he can get the meeting started. This guy got so pissed up. He got his jacket and he walked out. Oh, he caught me off. But I'm like, all

Soundboard: 25:01

I

Steve: 25:01

right.

Soundboard: 25:02

want to fight you.

Steve: 25:02

Right. Well, not even that. He's like, he just wasn't ready, right. He just

Matt: 25:06

Mm-hmm.

Steve: 25:06

he didn't want to be there. And the first thing that he could get out of there. I mean, it literally was two minutes into the meeting that he was already jack, who's going out the door. It takes work. It takes,

Matt: 25:18

yeah,

Steve: 25:19

it takes putting up with some stuff that maybe you're uncomfortable with, you know, and and again, that's our brains aren't ready for that. Right. Co back like our brains are listen, I walk into I talk about it all the time when I came back early on this time I shared I feel like I'm crazy. And

Matt: 25:40

You

Steve: 25:41

then

Matt: 25:41

are.

Steve: 25:41

I end up right and then I shared like, Oh, that's because I was. My brain was a mess. I was crazy. And I needed to give my brain time to heal. And then try to figure out how I cope with some of these things that I didn't know how to cope with. And to have a life, it took a while. Still, still stuff I work with, but it took a while for sure.

Matt: 26:08

I'm going to do a new segment here. I'm just thinking off the top of my head because there's some times things to

Steve: 26:14

about

Matt: 26:14

talk that don't fit the topic. Or Recovery and Stuff and it's called the meeting after the meeting and from time to time, we'll throw in something after the end theme there if you wanna hang out. Today will be one of those things. I'll... I'll leave that as a tease for you Steve, 'cause I thought it's something I wanted to talk about but it's not on topic. AA is very imperfect and the reason it's imperfect is it is only as good as its members. Because there's no, there's no constitution. So if you go to a real shit meeting, go to another meeting. I know meetings that I'm not going to, 'cause I don't like those people and I don't like the program and they are very Colty of 'you need to do this or that will happen' and you're gonna do it my way and I'm gonna beat you over the head. Doesn't work for me, but you can also find like... there are people who are very directive and they're guys like John you said early on. One of the things that's great about John is he is... He's not unless you're really messed up. If you're really messed up, he's gonna beat you over the head. But for the most part, he's a very encouraging person and he comes from a sponsorship tree that looks at encouragement first of reach out of, 'I can't do the hike, can do this.' I'm there with you, you know, there are times I've needed help from John to fix something in the house. And very often he is good at saying, 'He is good at, I'm not coming there to do it for you, I'm gonna make you do it.'

Steve: 27:51

Right, he

Matt: 27:52

But

Steve: 27:52

is

Matt: 27:52

you

Steve: 27:52

good.

Matt: 27:52

got this, all you need is this tool.

Steve: 27:54

Yep.

Matt: 27:55

Call me if you need a hand, walk in you through, you got this. And learn those lessons of it is more about what is possible and not what is not. And you need to... that is what works for me. There are some people who have issues where I need to be beaten over the head. And although there are other options for recovery, let me be clear for those who are going to mishear this. There are other effective ways to get sober. I would say the program that has the longest success rate in his most well known is AA. That success rate in a sense is low because it's like 3% or whatever. If you do follow this and you commit to it, you've got a very good shot of staying sober. At least is a recipe. And before AA, there was nothing. Really was nothing. Now, you have something and it's what's well known and psychologists and doctors will recommend it because it's the thing that has the best track record over a long period of time. So there is something to be said with that. And there are ways that you can make it your own if there are certain things you don't like because there is also that. Take what you leave, take what you like and leave the rest.

Steve: 29:15

Right. And you can. And I know a lot of people again, the old timers that we laugh at and we make fun of, they don't like to hear it. Oh if you don't do it this way, if you don't do that, you don't do this. Man, you can just come and hang out with the fellowship. Right? You can. And

Matt: 29:30

Yes.

Steve: 29:32

you know, I said it last week, maybe when we were recording, that somebody said it at a meeting. I went to, you know, surround yourself with good people and give it time.

Matt: 29:42

Yeah.

Steve: 29:42

Does it? Like, I mean, it is as simple as that. You know, and I remember fighting years ago with people on social media about the saying, don't drink and go to meetings. They were saying, "Last night, the way you can't do it, you got to do steps, you got to do this, you got to find God." No, no, no, don't drink and go to meetings. And then you'll find your way.

Matt: 30:00

mean,

Steve: 30:00

Right? I

Matt: 30:02

the only requirement for membership is that desire to stop drinking.

Steve: 30:04

But at this point, and I always say, I, one of my benefits since I've come in this time is that I didn't drink. There's lots of times where I was acting poorly that I was mad, I was upset, that I didn't think I want to be married in this relationship anymore. All those things have come, like, I'm a human being. Like, I felt like I wasn't getting my share of life. I wanted to run away. You know, I still have this thing. I mean, today, I still have this thing where like, I just want to go buy a small place up New Hampshire so that I'm in the woods and I just walk out my door and just go for hike. Like, I stilt today. I'm like, "Oh, if everything goes bad, that's maybe we're going to head." Like, I'm not, I mean, I'm not injured. It's funny. I'm not interested in heading south to a warmer place. Like, no, let me, you know, let me, let me out. I love the cold weather. And still part of my head says that to me. So just, just don't drink and find your tribe. That's the word I started to like. Find your

Matt: 31:05

Yes.

Steve: 31:05

tribe.

Matt: 31:06

Uh-huh. Tribe

Steve: 31:07

and, uh, and just hang out with them and make sure they're good. Make sure they're good. And I tell people all the time, "I want to do shit in my tribe and you could have them. We'll take you in. You'll become part of that tribe if you want." Or you won't find your own tribe. Um, but, uh, because, it's, it's, it's what I do. It's what I do. It's how I cope. And, you know, when, when in doubt, when in doubt, I go to a meeting. That's it.

Matt: 31:37

Uh-huh.

Steve: 31:37

I'm like, because I'm bound to hear something that I like. You know, I went, like, so I went through this. It was a speaker meeting. This woman spoke. ..for, just about the whole meeting, uh, which is unusual these days, but she did a good job. And, uh, and I just love that I got there. Here it hurts, hurts some stuff. That was great. No big aha moments for me. But I always see a couple of people that I know say hello. I've got to chill up an hour and a half or two hours of driving and getting back and forth with the meeting. Just to get me away from my phone get me with sitting on the couch, tv you want, usually for me, it's a sporting event on that I'm barely paid attention to while I'm messing with my phone. And it's like, I've got a meeting hang out there for an hour, hour and a half, just to eat up some of that time. I know something that works for me.

Matt: 32:38

I have a different way of looking at that. There's not always something I like at a meeting. Many times there's something I hear that makes me think.

Steve: 32:47

Yeah.

Matt: 32:47

If I don't like it, it challenges me.

Steve: 32:50

Oh yeah.

Matt: 32:51

All right. So I already did the website. You go to sober friends pod.com, it's a little different. It's pointed to the sub stack. Uh, that saves me almost $300 a year. And I think the purpose. I have the website for has changed. I'd rather you go to the sub stack anyway. So sober friends pod.com. That brings you to the sober friends this batch where we have some writing there of some good stuff, some resources, which I think you're going to like even better. You can always email me at mad@sobafriendspod.com and also social media all over the place. That's what I'm going to talk about after the show ends. But until that time, see everybody next week. Bye everybody. All right. Steve, I don't know if you have seen the ditty documentary on Netflix.

Steve: 33:49

No,

Matt: 33:50

I haven't seen it yet. But I've seen a lot. And the thing that caught my attention is the stuff about 50 cent on social media.

Steve: 34:02

Decenten is Farmington.

Matt: 34:04

Yes. So he, he did

Steve: 34:07

the his Farmington mansion,

Matt: 34:09

he did the ditty documentary.

Steve: 34:11

oh, he, okay, he

Matt: 34:13

And,

Steve: 34:13

produced it. And

Matt: 34:16

he, he was purposeful about doing interviews, promoting it only on places that he knew the prison had access to. So and I saw that he's been pissed off a ditty for 20 years. And I've seen a lot of stuff about holding on to resentment.

Steve: 34:35

Yeah,

Matt: 34:37

yeah. And like fading into 50 cent. And it's like nobody can hold a resentment like an alcoholic, not even 50 cent