Overcoming Mistakes, Addictions, and Dysfunctions | Tracy Strawberry

An overwhelming amount of people are hurting from past mistakes, habits, addictions, and a host of painful dysfunctions. Finding the courage to bravely face these deep struggles can seem far-fetched and out of reach, but it isn’t. Our guest today, Dr. Tracy Strawberry, author of the book, The Courage to Heal: Moving Beyond Your Habits, Your Past, and Your Pain, knows fully the deep hurt and pain that comes from past choices and the consequences that follow. But she is here to show us that if we keep moving in God’s direction, we can receive healing and freedom and finally break free from the struggles that are holding us down.  

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Transcript

Mentor Mama 

I’m Mentor Mama and today we are going to be talking about how to move beyond the struggles of addiction and dysfunction through the life changing power of Jesus. You know, an overwhelming amount of people are hurting from past mistakes, habits, addictions, and just a host of painful dysfunctions and finding the courage to bravely face these deep struggles can oftentimes just seem far-fetched and out of reach. But it isn't. And our guest today, Dr. Tracy Strawberry, author of the book, The Courage to Heal: Moving Beyond Your Habits, Your Past and your Pain, knows fully the deep hurt and pain that comes from past choices and the consequences that follow. But she is here to show us that if we keep moving in God's direction, we can receive healing and freedom and finally break free from the struggles that are holding us down. Dr. Tracy Strawberry is an international speaker, author, CEO, business consultant and the wife of baseball legend Darryl Strawberry. She holds an earned doctorate in theology and is the author of several publications, including, Imperfect Marriage: Help for Those Who Think It's Over with Darryl Strawberry. And Clean, Sober, and Saved a Christ centered recovery curriculum that is used globally. In her weekly programs and traveling ministry, she delivers a message of faith, redeeming, hope, restoration, and freedom in Jesus Christ. Tracy believes that those who are lost will be found and those who are bound will be free. Please welcome Tracy. 

Tracy Strawberry 

Thank you, Ellen. It's an honor to be here. 

Mentor Mama 

Thank you so much for joining us. You know, as I was preparing to do this interview, I loved reading the forward by your husband and just how much you encouraged him. And one of the things that he said in there was I was in awe that someone could really live in joy and strength every day, even when things were not going well. And he just talks so much about how watching you go through your own struggles and how you lived it out through Christ had such tremendous impact on him. Tell us, Tracy, why do you think so many Americans struggle with addictions? 

Tracy Strawberry 

Addiction is not really the problem, Ellen, when we get right down to it, addiction is how our brokenness is revealing itself, how it's showing itself. There's something on the inside that we run to, whether it be drugs and alcohol, sexual things, shopping. Pick your addiction. Pick whatever it is. Is we're chasing relief. We're chasing just give me peace. Shut it down. I cannot handle what's happening on the inside of me. I cannot handle my reality, so we must get down to the deeper issue and a majority of people do not understand that they need healing. We need healing on the inside for these things to settle within us and the power of Jesus Christ does that. But we have to participate in his pathway to healing. To understand that we can be empowered to overcome these things, to overcome addiction, let's get down to the root cause of the problem. And then we can really get to work and overcome those things that are holding us back that are hurting us, that are hindering us. 

Mentor Mama 

Ohh, we really need to dig below the surface and that's when it starts to get painful, right when you don't have those numbing devices and you're forcing yourself to understand what's going on. Why do you believe that? So many people attempting the journey to heal like they really want to, but they begin to lose hope. How can they regain that hope? 

Tracy Strawberry 

Many people want to quit the process and do quit the process of healing and overcoming because it's painful. It's painful. There are a lot of consequences that come along. It is a journey and that's why we need faith to persevere. Persevering faith is my number one favorite things to teach on because in a “right now,” world we want it fixed, right now. We want the pain to go away, right now, many people who take drugs or their addiction thing, it takes it away right now. So, we've trained ourselves for everything to go away right now. So, when you have to open up the book and look at your life through the eyes of truth. Without denial, we have to look at things that are painful. We have to overcome these things and trust the process. We always hear that healing is a process. It is a journey, and many people quit because it's too painful. They don't reach out and use the tools that God teaches us. The people that God puts in our lives, the people that God will encourage us, God works through people and he's always going to use people to help people. So, what happens is the enemy gets us distracted. The enemy brings a pressure and a darkness and wants us to isolate and pull away from the resources. The help, the hope, the love that God is going to send into our life every single time and many times our eyes are closed to that because help doesn't look like the way we want it to look. Help doesn't feel the way we think help should feel. The love of God, it does not feel the way the love of God should because it's painful and it takes time. It takes direction. We have to humble ourselves. We have to be able to receive that direction and just keep taking those steps of making the right decision through the pain, trusting God. That's where the word courage comes into play, because we need courage to get through. Courage is a supernatural strength within us that God provides to where we choose to move forward. Even when we're frustrated, we choose to move forward through the pain, through the fear, even when we don't understand. Even when we can't see the miracle happening or feel God or see. Them and things are taking a long time and there's pressure there, but I promise you if you stay the course, God will do what he says he's going to do. And during those times, Ellen, he's doing the mightiest work on the inside of us. And as we travel on, that's why it's so important that we trust him, that we keep going. No matter what, you do not check out of the process and do not go backwards as long as you keep moving forward. You will come out free. 

Mentor Mama 

Yes, yes, I know. I've experienced that myself. Just kind of in like the therapy process like the beginning can seem so I guess less important or kind of like, oh, this seems so surface level, but then when it gets below surface level, that's when it starts to get so hard, but yet what a huge freeing when you can come out the other side. Well, like you said you discussed many difficult situations that take courage to heal from. Do you feel that it even takes courage, even in like the minor situations and mundane hurts? 

Tracy Strawberry 

Absolutely, because every hurt produces a pain and tries to eat away on the inside of us, or we make the mistake and think, you know, these little things aren't that important. It's the little things that create the big things. The Bible says it's the little foxes that spoil the vine so in life period, we need courage. God talks about in Joshua chapter one. Be strong, be very courageous. What he's calling us into whether it be healing to lead us into purpose. It takes courage because the enemy is always the opposer. He's always trying to oppose what God is trying to do in our life. When God's trying to heal, the enemy wants us to focus on the hurt more than the healing process. What God has for us on the other side. The purpose of healing is for us to be able to be strong and to get in into our purpose and to carry out what God's called us to do, and I want to bring up the fact that in this world that we live in today, it's not easy. So sometimes we're looking for easy, sometimes we're looking to measure the goodness of God. And the greatness of God based on this life that is just oh, it's just going to be easy. It's just God's going to give me a lot of money and God's going to give me that. That's all surface stuff, and that's not the proper teaching of the word of God. So, there's a blanket of denial that's coming through the Internet that's coming through. It's affecting our kids. It's affecting our young people. Things should be easy. I should just be able to jump on the Internet and be a powerful influencer.  I should just be able to date somebody and they should treat me this way without having the foundation of the knowledge of God who he created us to be. How the enemy works in our life, when the enemy comes, the Bible teaches us how to overcome the wiles of the enemy when hurt, harm, betrayal comes our way. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. When those things begin to happen. God has the remedy and these are important. All the way down to the little things because it's the little things that pile up, Ellen. It's the little things that can make you make a wrong choice, and then it can turn you to start to turn you in the wrong direction and lead you in the wrong direction to where you wake up one day like I did and I say, how did this happen in my life? Because it was a little thing that presented itself. It was a small thing. Those smaller things get bigger when we do not conquer them, overcome them and recognize the power in them. 

Mentor Mama 

Yes, absolutely. And I think too for me it's been timing. I just want to rush the timing. I'm like, why is this taking so long? It just can be so frustrating, but it takes courage to say, OK God, I trust in your timing. Please hurry. I know you have a purpose in this and that's a great verse that you said there for Joshua to keep in mind and plant ourselves firmly on. Tell us a little bit, Tracy, about your experience with Darrell and just being a public figure and how was his healing process, was it much more difficult for him being so public? 

Tracy Strawberry 

Yes, because it's extreme when everyone is looking at you, everyone has an opinion. Everyone has their own judgment. They are looking at the outside. They're seeing the surface, and unless you really know a person and you're walking with that person and you have to see the inner greatness of the person, then there's judgment. Which causes a whole other layer of weight that comes in in a darkness you feel like you can't even go to the grocery store without. You think everyone's looking at you and judging you and feeling like this horrible person and you can't get out. I love that you said that because how is that relational to people who aren't as famous as Daryl? When we put ourselves out there on the Internet? How many people are living and going through hardships because somebody made one comment on a feed? They don't have all these followers. They think the enemy starts to work in the mind like you're not important. You don't have a message. Nobody loves you. Nobody likes you. So, these are the voices of the enemy that try to distract us. And we put more importance on what the outside world is saying instead of locking in and focusing on who Jesus is saying that we are. Pain is always going to be there. People are always going to have something to say. My prayer, Ellen, is that we learn to get into a mature faith that we go deep with Jesus, that we are men and women of God that say God have your way. I am here. I'm willing to walk through the fire when everyone is talking about me. I'm willing to hold on to your promises when this healing is taking forever and I feel like you are not there. I am willing to trust in what you say and even check out of social media if I have to, so I'm not being confused. I'm not owning, condemnation. I'm not owning these negative feelings and I say God, what do you have for me? Let me press in. That's what Darrell did. Darrell just stepped away for a while and he remained quiet and he got quiet with Jesus. And we just started to seek the plan of God. Through the will of God, we started praying together, but here's what I want somebody to hear, as well, Ellen, and thank you for letting me take the time. Prayer is the power where we're going to hear God. He's going to give us direction. He is going to empower us in his supernatural way, not based on a feeling, based on believing he's doing it, but then we have to get up and we have to take action because he's going to talk to us. He's going to give us a solution. He's going to tell us what to do. So when I first came to Jesus, I kept hearing, come to Jesus and pray. That's all I had. So, I thought it was this supernatural wave of the wand and the problem should go away. The pain should just go away and God is saying my daughter, I'm calling you to get up. I've answered your prayer. I've told you to get out of this. I've told you to shut down that thing. I have told you in my word to come closer to me because I love you and I'm trying to heal you. I told you I put it on your spirit. I sent powerful women of God to tell you to get into church, to get into your word, you're rejecting because you're angry at me. These are my personal conversations with God, hoping that somebody can hear something that resonates with them. God knew I was confused. I was blaming him for what the enemy did, or even the choices I made and I called it. Ohh God, why didn't you? So all these things were happening on the inside. So it's prayer. It's seeking God. The enemy doesn't want us to do it, and there's nothing in our physical body or in our own fleshly heart that wants to chase after God in the hard times. Many times blaming God, but God is saying come to me bitter. God is saying to me come broken. Read the story of Ruth. Bitter, broken, Ruth and Naomi. These women of God just kept walking and they came out free. They came out into the blessing of God because that's God calling us. That's God saying please stay, persevere through the pain. Persevere through the healing. Get real with the truth, because the truth will set you free, even though it's painful. So, the message is how do we walk with God in the midst of the pain? How do you trust God in the midst of the pain? How do you find a balance, Ellen? Like you said, when you get in this surface stuff and all you're looking at is the therapy and the pain and Oh my gosh, this is so hard. God is saying, I'm also trying to give you moments of joy. Go in and fellowship, go have fun. Get together with some women who know how to have fun while you're walking this out. And by the way, Tracy, you have gifts and talents on the inside of you. So while we're dealing with the hard stuff. I want you to get excited about a dream that I have in your heart gifts and talents that I've given you. So why don't you focus on discovering and developing those as well while we're journeying through the hard stuff. I have joy for you. I have greatness. I have great experiences that are going to encourage you. Will we be open to trust God? Will we be open to see him? Will we be open to seek him past our human feelings and embrace faith in a strong way? Say God, I trust you because he is a great God. His word is true, and his promises are true. 

Mentor Mama 

Yes, absolutely. You know one thing you said in there that caught my attention is taking sense of ownership and I love another thing that Darrell said in here. He said Tracy's faith and determination to turn her life around have always been a great inspiration to me and helped me to follow the same path to victory, but I had to take the principles and actively apply them to my own life. I had to do the necessary work. I had to be consistent. I had to persevere. I think just those two things combined, all of what you just said and then remembering that we have to be intentional and be willing to step into this journey and it was exciting to read that and to see how we can do that. We can help others and help ourselves the same time. 

Tracy Strawberry 

Absolutely! 

Mentor Mama 

You have a friend named Kim who has been such an important part of your healing journey. Tell us a little bit about your journey and your friend, Kim. 

Tracy Strawberry 

Absolutely, absolutely. Kim was a woman of God that God placed into my life in my deepest, darkest times. I came from a wonderful family. I had a great household, things of that nature. I had a great example to live by. Things happened to me. I was sexually abused by a neighbor and that would be a change of trajectory in my life that I didn't realize was so important and imperative as I went along. And the reason why I bring that up is because that's the way the enemy comes in with these seeds of darkness and these seeds that are taking root and they're growing on the inside of us. And if you don't know where to take these afflictions that you didn't ask for, they start to grow on the inside of you and affect your entire life. This is why childhood. Things that happen to us are how we're raised are very important because we're being molded and the enemy had planted a seed through this situation that just ran wild in my life. All of a sudden I started drinking when I was young because it took away that thing. I was too young to know. I didn't tell my parents. I held that secret because of the threats of the abuser. That happens many times. Tell the secret. Get some help. Get that out of you so you can get help to uproot all this darkness that the enemy wants to entangle you in and strangle you with. And that led me on a trajectory of drinking when I was 10, wanting to be around older boys now knowing I just wanted to take that situation back and remake it, I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel something different other than what I was feeling all those years and not knowing what to do that would lead through high school. That would create a picture in my mind of what I thought success would be, or if I could just get married, this would go away and fix my life. If I could just have what my parents had, if I could just be prettier, if I could just be skinnier, if I could just. There was always an “if I could just.” And that “just” never came because I didn't follow Christ. I didn't dive into his healing power and seek him for who I was or what I was doing, that would produce two broken marriages, 2 divorces. I would have three children in my first marriage, and as I'm going through this process of pain, defeat, pain, defeat. The cycle of defeat with my parents, looking at me going, my gosh, what can we do to help you? But I wouldn't surrender to help. That's key right there. I wouldn't surrender to help. I wouldn't embrace the Jesus that they taught me about. I would just push my hand to them and say, what do my parents know? God kept surrounding me with people, putting people in my life to try to help me. I kept rejecting. I just kept going, strong, going hard. Boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend living the way I wanted to live. Marriage one, marriage, #2. And I'm spiraling out of control. I'm drinking more. I'm using more drugs so severely until I would lose custody of my three sons. And that was a travesty. That was a breaking point in my life. I started to realize I have a problem here. That was the beginning of my surrender process. A little bit before the time that I knew there was a possibility of losing them. That's when I finally surrendered to hope and help and said, God, I can't do this. I didn't want to turn to God. So I started to go to secular programs, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anon. And then I also found that, well, I'm trying to heal myself. I'm trying to create a higher power. Which that's based on self. My own way of thinking, which got me in trouble in the first place. It doesn't explain to you how you're going to get healed and how you're going to get whole. So I found myself wanting to go back out to that old way of life. Because I was trying to heal without the healer and didn't know that. And that's when I met Kim. God put her in my life. She invited me to a Bible study and that's the last place I wanted to go. God was the last person I wanted to run to, but there was something about her. She had the same story as I did. She could talk about using heavy drugs, running around with men and the love of Jesus all in the same sentence. And I thought, wow, she's someone that I could listen to. I wanted what she had. At the time, I didn't know it was Jesus. It was who she had and how he would lead her into healing. She was the one that God put into my life that I finally said yes to because he put many other people in my life that I said no to because he's always loving us and drawing us. He's never leaving us without help and hope, but I finally surrendered and she would go on to be my spiritual mentor. She would lead me into the love of God. And my introduction to God was a prayer meeting where I had encountered for the first time in my life, in the midst of my brokenness, I surrendered to a Bible study and a prayer meeting that she called me into. And there were these mature women in Christ, somebody here, that Titus Two women, mature women in Christ. They sat me in a chair and these women got up and they laid hands on me and they prayed in the Holy Spirit and they prayed for the power of God to come in and break off the darkness. They already knew this was bigger than any council that they could give me. Council was going to be part of it, but, it's the Holy Spirit that breaks the bondage. It's the Holy Spirit. I wasn't willing to surrender, but they were willing to fight for me, so they prayed over me and that would change my life. I started going to Kim's house in a Bible Study and that would eventually open my eyes to the truth of who God really was, instead of me creating God based on my own opinions, my filter of pain, my filter of anger, the filter of the things that happen to me, rape, abuse, all of these hard things that I would shake my fist at God and my heart started to become soft and I could start to see the truth of who God was because of Kim. Because of women. Because of my surrender and me partnering with God. And that's how I started my journey of the help, the hope, the healing and it changed my life. 

Mentor Mama 

It's so important to look at Kim's heart, I think and see a woman who didn't make the decision for you. I'm going to invite her. I'm not going to think ahead and be like, oh, she probably won't want to come because of XYZ, but she invited you. And look at the change that resulted from that, that's an encouragement to all of us like one of my mottos for my kids is it never hurts to ask. Like, hey, ask you don't know. I mean, I always think of 100 reasons why someone's probably going to say no, but I don't know until I ask. So, I love how she stepped out and really began that relationship with you. And then also I was reading in your book that you mentor kids now in your own home, right? Or you have mentored young adults. Tell us a little bit about that mentoring that you've done. 

Tracy Strawberry 

Yes, years ago, when God first put me on my journey. That's how God entrusted me with the call of God he had on my life. What he does in you, He wants to do through you and back to the invitation that you said, Ellen, that's boldness of faith. We need to trust God. We just do our part and trust God for the consequences. I wouldn't be free if somebody didn't invite me and step out in that boldness of faith and kept inviting me. The younger generation is the next generation where the enemy is coming in and trying to steal their purpose, trying to burden them down with pain, broken relationships, a bad example of social media. So, I watched all these young people who were my son's age, he kept bringing home all of these children that were broken and lost, they were already using drugs. All this horrible stuff was happening to them and I said, son, where are you finding these kids? Where are your friends, the people you hang out with?” It's like mom, I'm just burdened with my generation because they're broken. I said, what do you want to do about that? He goes, they need a place they can come. This was my son's idea. They need a place that they can come and you have to remember I lost custody of my children. So, there was a restoration place that had to take place. That was a 10 year process. So now I have my son saying how can we help other kids? How can we get them to break free young, so they don't end up with two divorces and these broken lives. There's greatness inside of these kids. God created them with greatness and a purpose. And I'm not going to stand by and watch the enemy steal, kill and destroy and just continue to shatter their lives. So, my son and I sat down, we had a lunch, he wrote it all out. God inspired him, he said, mom, I need you to lead the word because I'm being trained up in it. We want to have fun. We called it, Friday Night Freedom. That was the name he gave it Friday nights, because weekends. What were they going to do for fun? Where were they going to hang out? Not in the places that they were. So, it was very sacrificial. Darrell was on board. He's like, use our house for healing. That's what we called it, the House of Healing. Organically it became that. All these kids came and before you know it, we had fifty kids in our home. It was like a youth group that was happening in our home because these kids were hungry, they wanted God. They didn't know they wanted God because like the enemy does, he was pushing the kids away from God because of their pain because of their situation and their circumstances, and we said yes to God, we said, we're going to stand in the gap. God use us to rescue your young people, to deliver your message. They can experience the healing power of God. That we can step in these spiritual parents and spiritual love where the home life is falling short. Where school is pushing them down or the bullies are coming in and they're being used and abused because they're seeing all this sexual stuff on social media and they're sending pics they shouldn't, and doing things they shouldn't do because they just want to be loved and accepted. We opened up our hearts. We opened up our home and we said we're going to love on you. We're going to feed you. We're going to provide a place of fun. We're going to introduce them to the word of God and the power of prayer. And then these kids started walking out the word of God. There are pastors that came out of that darkness because God has a plan. The enemy comes in, tries to derail us, and if we don't recognize and get back on track through God's way of healing, having the courage to heal, and get out and experience all that God has for us, then, we remain in the darkness. That's not God's plan. So, we need to raise up those of us who love Jesus. Be bold in faith, open up your home. Open up your heart. Open up your mouth invite them, get them in. That’s a whole part of the courage to heal as well, we must operate in purpose. That's part of the healing pathway. Now you're experiencing the fruit that God wants you to see. The results. God's healing you as you're reaching out more and more and more. Now you're part of purpose and that pain is getting less and less and less. It's being pushed out. You're creating community, you're creating new life. There's nothing better than that. God is tremendous. We wouldn't have enough time, Ellen, to sit here and talk about his greatness.  

Mentor Mama 

Right! So true! Let's talk a little bit about the person that has the addiction. Tell us you know what are some important things that they need to hear from us? And maybe some red flags for those that are currently suffering. 

Tracy Strawberry 

Most people who are suffering with addiction. Every person I've been doing this for over 20 years, I was severely addicted myself. I want to talk to that person and I want you to hear, right now, God is always sending help. Hope looks like help in the form of a person who's giving you an invitation to come out of that darkness and you're going to want to resist that. Open your eyes to be able to recognize the help that God is putting in your life. Number one, you cannot break free alone, so God is always going to send that hope and help. You have to say yes to that. Some people have to go into a treatment center, they have to go away because the bondage is so strong. Addiction is a bondage that owns you. You don't own it because if it's not that we don't want to be free. If we could do it on our own and break free on our own, we would have already been free a long time ago. Some people have to go into programs and that's fine. Go get the help you need. Counseling is usually always a part of it, because spiritually this is a pattern that needs to be broken, not just the instant deliverance of desire that can come off. It's a new way of life that has to be lived and learned. So, you have to submit to the help that's given, know that you're learning a new way of life. Understand that you need healing. Know that you're not a bad person. Know that God loves you. He's not trying to hurt you. He's trying to help you and heal you and the enemy is filling your mind with, I hate God. I don't want to go God's way. I'm not worth it. I can't do it. It's too hard. That's the lie of the enemy. But that's why when you say yes to help! Grab on to the help, let people pull you into God's plan and God's way, let him heal you, get part of the right things. God will put people in your life to show you what those right things are. But run to God, not away from him. Say yes to the help he's given you. The red flags are all over the place. You're lost. You're broken. You're not participating in your life. You can't get up and go to work. You're not even taking a shower. Hygiene is an issue. You're running away. You're hopeless. Feel suicidal. The darkness is very heavy, too great. The devil's beating you up saying you're not going to be anything. The red flags are so many. There's just so many. Family life is breaking apart. You're resistant to parents, you no longer have the drive to operate in purpose. You don't want to go to school. You don't want to go to work, you lose your motivation. These are sure signs that the enemy is working hard on you trying to keep you in such a place of darkness. 

Mentor Mama 

All of those are something for those of us that are listening that, you know, we need to think about for ourselves, perhaps for someone that we know. But let's talk about how this impacts relationships. Because there might be someone listening that’s saying, oh, I just wish my son or my husband or my daughter, whomever would do something you know, like take the next steps. Maybe they're in that addiction phase and they really need to hear this message. How do we come alongside them? Without them feeling like, you know, we're attacking them. 

Tracy Strawberry 

Well, first of all, I want to say that that question cannot be answered in a short answer. That's why there are many resources on our website to help people walk through that journey who are looking for help in their marriage. The imperfect marriage, that's why we wrote it for people who are looking for help with a loved one, whether it be a child, anyone. Clean, sober and safe family and friends, addition or resources? They have videos, there's workbooks that go through that because that is a journey coming alongside people is really leading them into that powerful relationship with God as well. So many times too, the family member, the loved one, doesn't realize how much help they need as well because they're so focused on their loved one. They're so focused on the marriage that they don't realize I've lost myself and trying to love this person. I've become codependent because I just love them so much and don't realize that they're making some dangerous decisions, or even participating in harmful things. That codependency, I call it the silent killer. Because it's decisions we make, actions we take, that look like love, but they're very hurtful and painful. So, I talk about all these things in the resources and what can that person do because there's nothing, I think Ellen, more difficult than loving someone who can't love you back. Loving someone that you know is in a stronghold, in a bondage that's life or death. That's why addiction is a different animal. Because life and death is at stake here. Many times there's not time and addiction shreds families. It shreds marriages apart. It shreds children's hearts and minds. I get into the hard questions and some of these things. What if my loved one dies? What if I have to separate from my loved one because things are so severe? What if? There are so many what ifs? Why don't they love me? If they can't love you, they're not able to love you in the midst of addiction. So, we have to learn to not go to the empty well. We have to go to God and begin to participate in our lives so we don't lose ourselves. I call it how to love them, not leave them without losing ourselves. That's key. I have to turn them over to God. How do we even do that? I trust you. I believe in you. I'm going to love you with boundaries because that's what love looks like. I'm going to continue to participate in my life, my responsibilities, and I'm going to have a balance in that. I give specific examples, things that we go through when we're trying to love someone, when it's very painful and I give examples, here's just a small one. Let's say you have a child that's lost in addiction and you're trying to love them and they call you and they ask you for money, or they're asking you for things that you know it's going to hurt them or harm them. I have a yes plan that is in one of our resources. How do I say yes to my loved one every time, and no in a way that shows them love. For example, I'm not giving you that $20 son because it's going to hurt you and harm you. But what I told you I would do is I will come and pick you up and I will take you to hope and help. So, there's your yes. Here's a no to the $20.00, but here's my yes, and I don't waver from this. This is what I will participate in and usually the loved one, if they're not ready. I hate you. This horrible darkness comes out. I hate you to produce fear, so you learn to conquer the enemy, to conquer, to take that response captive into the love of Jesus. So how do you respond? The Holy Spirit taught me. I went through this with my son. I went through this with Daryl. I'm going to love you more than you can hate me, so I will always love you more than you think I hate you because I don't. This is what love looks like. You see how I'm taking a firm stand? I'm taking the stance whether it looks like they received it or not. They have heard it. This is what love looks like. I will not participate in your death, your dysfunction or your defeat, but I will give my all and everything into everything that's going to help you. That's going to lead you into your greatness and that's going to deliver you out of this darkness. So that is a journey. That's why we can't answer the full question. These are just some examples within the resources of what can I find in here. What can I do if you don't have a place that you can go. See if your local church has any resources. I know the church struggles sometimes and trying to deal with family members and what do we do with someone who's struggling? I travel all over teaching churches how they can become, and families, how you can become a resource. Have your treatment centers ready. Have your counselors ready. It's part of the yes plan. Have the plan of success and deliverance and freedom ready. Get ready. Start working on that. Calling places. Write them down. Who gives free resources? What are the resources in my county? Where can I go to get support group and get lifted up in the love of God and the word of God. How can we take this journey together. So those are some of the things that you can find in the resources that we offer. 

Mentor Mama 

But that's so awesome and we will make sure that we include those links in our show notes. So anyone who's listening can definitely look and see all of the different resources that you have available. You know, as we start to wrap things up here, I think people appreciate just from real life examples. Tell us maybe a couple more examples of how you and Darrell have worked through this, you know dysfunctional relationship and ultimately built a strong marriage. 

Tracy Strawberry 

It's a great question and we wrote a whole book about it, The Marriage Book. But what happened was when Darrell and I came together he was $3,000,000 in debt. So, you're trying to love someone that's accumulating consequences. So, there's $3,000,000 in debt. We're trying to be married and love one another without facing our hurts and our healing. So, we're trying to love one another, but we're hurting each other with our past. We're making each other pay for the pain in the past, so I surrender my life to Christ, but Darrell doesn't. It takes him a long time, so I'm walking with Jesus and he's walking like this, so we're unequally yoked. So what does that look like again? So how do I love somebody who's deciding to stay in the cycle of sin? And what does that look like? Here's an important thing. When Darrell was watching me walk, this goes back to the example and the power of example, and the Bible tells wives they will be won over by your example. They can be. So, Darrell is watching me walk with Jesus. He's watching me get stronger and stronger because we did all the fighting and yelling and even cussing and screaming and trying to change one another. Trying to make each other get help and God finally showed me you can't make someone get help, but what you can do is surrender to me and get the help that I am putting out for you. That's going to be the power of example to your spouse, that's going to be the power of example to your child, that's going to be the power of example and you have to trust me that my power is going to radiate out of that and start to get their attention and start to lead them and guide them. That's what happened in our marriage. Darrell saw me seeking God, praying, starting to go to college, starting to make money and set it aside to take care of responsibilities, not to live my own life, not to disconnect myself from him. He saw me love him and cook dinner for him when he was missing for two weeks at a time and put it down in front of him and just walk away and not say anything. Why? Because the Holy Spirit told me to do it so there's another nugget right there. You have to get close to God. He will lead you and guide you step by step in how to navigate these waters. Finally, Darrell comes to that understanding that he needs to surrender to Christ, we're going to church together. We're praying together. We sat down at the table and put down all the things we had to look at. We were in financial trouble, we were in every kind of trouble so, you have to take responsibility for the things that have been created there. How do we make a plan? How do we overcome these things? There's another piece of this puzzle too. How do we overcome harms that happened to me because I was sexually abused. I was raped. I talk about those things in the book. I don't focus on the thing, I focus on the solution and the healing  power. Darrell and I had to come together. I talked about that process of how we did to make our marriage bed a sacred place again to make it the way God wanted to be for us to enjoy one another. And come together in that way. Many times we're suffering in every area because of those unhealed wounds. And these consequences of the day that pull us apart. But there is step by step direction in all of the resources that we offer to help people on that journey. How do you overcome these things? How do you love somebody that's lost and doesn't want to come to? How do you overcome betrayals? Such as addictions, adulteries, $3,000,000 in debt. Can God come in with his healing power and give you a plan of action to deliver you and your marriage? He sure can! Darrell and I love each other so much. We never knew what God had for us, but we came together and we got on his plan and we sought him together and now he's using us to help people all over the world. We're restored to our children. Our children watch us now. They say, how did you get through those marriage problems? We're able to sit them down and help them, whereas, at one time we hurt them, the restoration power of God, it's just this whole healing process that I pray that people enter into because we have to get this marriage thing right, we have to get right with God. We have to get healed in our hearts so we can be empowered and make a tremendous impact in this world. You're important to God. Your marriage is important to God. Your children are important to God. Your sorrow and your pain - He has the answer. He conquered it on the cross. The word of God will lead you, his strength will empower you. There's nothing we can't get through without God's grace. But, boy, we really got to seek. We have to get mature. We have to be intentional. We have to dive in there. We can't just have a shallow faith and look for these mighty miracles. God's waiting to give it to us, but we have to partner with him. 

Mentor Mama 

Yes, we sure do. We sure do. And prayer! Pray, pray, pray for sure. Thank you, Tracy, for being so authentic with us. And that's such an encouragement to see how far you both come and the marriage that you've built and how you're impacting others today. As we end here with your story, what's the biggest message that you want people to take away from this book? 

Tracy Strawberry 

I want people to face their pain and to know that God is real. Because if you're picking up my book, there's something in your life that is missing. You're hurting. You're not operating in the power. And the purpose that God has for you, there's a reason that you're picking up this book. It's God's message. It's God's power. You're worth it. He will do it. It's going to be painful. But stay the course because the miracle will happen and he will do what he says he's going to do and he has a plan for you. He hasn't forgotten about you, and he can take any mess, it doesn't matter how far down the scale you have gone, and he will pull you out and put your feet on solid ground. 

Mentor Mama 

Amen. He sure will. Ohh, thank you Tracy. Well, before we go, I just want to ask you a couple of our favorite Bible study tool questions. What Bible is your go to Bible and what translation is it? 

Tracy Strawberry 

New King James version because I was taught on it. But as I've taught the word of God now for 20 years, most people have a hard time understanding it. So, I teach a lot out of the New Living Translation. It's simply the same message. The message of God never changes, and it always points to Jesus, it's just easier to understand. And a Bible that I love is to get a study Bible, a study Bible explains the passage of scripture underneath it. So, you can get the truth and the meaning of the word of God, so you can apply it to your life. So, the revelation of Christ becomes real. 

Mentor Mama 

Yes, absolutely. Great, great suggestions. Do you have any favorite journaling supplies or anything that you like to use to enhance your Bible study experience? 

Tracy Strawberry 

Yes, journaling is imperative. I'm a huge fan because God is going to speak to you. He's going to give you direction when you're reading your Bible. It's the greatest way God talks to us. You're having a conversation, even if you don't feel him. The word of God comes in as the Holy Spirit enlightens our mind with what God is saying, or there's a thread, you need to put that down on paper so you can remember it and journal it. God's going to tell you things. God's going to give you ideas, so journaling is very important. I just use regular paper and pen. I am old school. But, if I don't have them in front of me, I take the notes on my phone, the point of journaling is this -  be ready when you sit down with God. Be ready for him to speak. Hear what he's going to say. Write it down. He's going to give you a solution. He's going to give you ideas. He's going to give you business ideas. What do I do with my debt? My children, how do I treat my husband? How do I put a plate of food in front of him after he's been missing for two weeks, and he walks away? These kinds of things. So, journaling is powerful. 

Mentor Mama 

Lastly, what's your favorite app or website for Bible study tools? 

Tracy Strawberry 

I'm going to give you just one as to not bring confusion, but something that delivers simplistic answers for me that lead me into a deeper study is a website called, gotquestions.org. So, I love that one you type in your question about God or what God says about anger, marriage, adultery, finances, and it gives you a simplistic thing with a lot of scriptures to lead you into your own study so God himself can talk to you about the question that you're answering. So, you write that down in your journal, the Scriptures there and say OK God, now speak to me personally. How do you want this to play out in my life? Because you have plans for my life. 

Mentor Mama 

That's a great tip. OK, well, we will include links to those things in our show notes. Tracy, thank you so much for being here today to share your story. It's such an incredible journey of healing and renewal that you've experienced by allowing God to work in your life through your painful experiences and to break free from the past. So, we appreciate your motivation for those listening to us today really giving us such great hope and encouragement. 

Tracy Strawberry 

I appreciate you having me. Thanks for the honor and the privilege. I hope somebody heard what God was trying to say to them and they can find help. That's the whole purpose. And thank you for what you do, Ellen. So sacrificially getting his word out and his hope and practical steps of application and help. It's powerful. 

Mentor Mama 

Thank you, Tracy. And for our listeners, be sure to get a copy of Tracy 's book, The Courage to Heal. We will also have that link in our show notes as well. Lastly, head over to the Coffee and Bible Time website for our prayer journals that will help guide and document your prayer life at coffeeandbibletime.com, thank you for joining us today on our podcast. We love you all. Have a blessed day.