Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel
Partnered with a Survivor is a professional-focused podcast created and produced by Ruth Reymundo and hosted by the Safe & Together Institute. What began as intimate conversations between Ruth and David Mandel—founder of the Institute and creator of the Safe & Together Model—about violence, relationships, abuse, and the systems that respond to them has grown into a global conversation about systems and culture change.
Hosted by Ruth and co-hosted by David, the podcast features in-depth, professionally grounded discussions about how institutions respond to domestic abuse, gender-based violence, and child maltreatment. Many episodes also feature global leaders working across fields such as child safety, men and masculinity, perpetrator accountability, fatherhood, and partnering with survivors.
Together, these conversations examine how systems often fail adult and child survivors, how societal narratives about masculinity and violence shape professional practice, and how intersectional realities—including cultural and religious beliefs, racialised identities, LGBTQ+ experiences, immigration status, disability, and other structural vulnerabilities—shape responses to abuse and violence.
The podcast offers an insider lens into how professionals navigate systems not only as practitioners, but also as parents and partners. Through candid dialogue and critical reflection, Ruth and David challenge the assumptions and structures that limit meaningful accountability, safety, and healing. The goal is collective movement across systems, cultures, and families toward greater safety, nurturance, and sustained change.
Disclaimer: Episodes contain sensitive topics and occasional mature language that may be difficult for some listeners. The views and opinions expressed by podcast guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Safe & Together Institute or its staff.
Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel
Season 3 Episode 11: Pivoting to the Perpetrator: An Essential Tool for Interrupting Victim-Blaming
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Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim-blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim-blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors.
In this episode, Ruth and David discuss the Safe & Together Model practice of “pivoting to the perpetrator,” which offers specific steps to interrupt victim-blaming and to shift the focus on to where it belongs—the perpetrator’s behaviors. The practice helps professionals:
- Better assess whether interventions with perpetrators are helping or hindering survivor safety
- Recontextualize how survivor “denial” or “non-compliance” is shaped by the perpetrator’s behaviors and the failures of systems’ interventions
- Be successful with their most challenging cases through better collaborations with survivors and more effective interventions with perpetrators
David and Ruth lay out what pivoting looks like, why it is important, and how to do the three-part practice in your work.
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence.
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