Infection

Honestly, I can't remember if I uploaded this or not. I'm forgetting a lot of things. What I do know is that this was written before Covid. Turns out I wrote a lot of stuff about pandemics before the world thought disease was cool again. 

 Sharing Links:  
 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pantheon/id1498984739
 https://www.buzzsprout.com/811181
 https://www.instagram.com/the_pantheon_remembers/
 https://open.spotify.com/show/6Pmngtn7BBnOeAiOzAriHJ
 https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-the-pantheon-57860820/
 https://podcasts.google.com/?  feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS84MTExODEucnNz   

Transcript

Oh, good, you’re awake again. How does the head feel. Is that okay? I got some extra pillows for you last time. Last time you… do you remember me? I mean, you probably, you probably don’t. Wait, no! Don’t say anything. Just, nod yes or no. Yes or no. Yeah. Oh, you don’t. Do you remember… anything? A little, yeah, that’s what I figured. This would be the third time this week, wouldn’t it? Even I’m having trouble remembering, though. They said it wasn’t infectious, but then we knew better then, didn’t we? Of course, of course that’s what happened. We always knew better.

Wait! No! Don’t. It helps if you don’t say anything. I know you want to, all this is very confusing, but, just… last time we tried… just trust me, okay? I know, it’s odd, but I’m your friend, at least for now. Have been for a while. Name’s… Riz. Drizzle. Whatever. Had a lot of nicknames. And it’s…

Gah, I’ve done this… ugh, I can’t even count it on my fingers. It’s over twenty. I’ve done this twenty nine times at this point, and I’m still no good at it. I’m really sorry for that. You deserve better. You really, really do. Deserve better than to be here, cooped up with me, forgetting over and over again. But hey, like they said, no good deed goes unpunished.

*SIGH* So, where do I start. Oh, go ahead and drink from the cup right there. It’s some pain meds mixed with water. It’s nothing special. You’ll need them after a while. I know. All this sounds rather bleak. I got it in my head multiple times to just end it for you, somehow, but, I dunno man. I just always keep coming back to that hope you gave me before, and, even now, oh what am I saying? I could be telling you none of this. Thing is, you know how I said twenty nine? Couple of times I tried not saying anything a couple of times, just to see what would happen, and it wasn’t pretty. Lot less pretty than when you remember. So, I’m sorry that I, I mean, if you believe anything that I’m saying, you’re bound to be thinking that you’re trapped in your own personal, cyclical hell, and yeah, that’s sort of true. But, my gosh man, if I wasn’t here, it would be so much worse. You should’ve seen the place last time. Last time you didn’t remember anything, and my gosh it wasn’t pretty. And this is your parents’ apartment too, least it was. I dunno where your parents are now. Probably think you’re dead and are happy about it. They were always like that, weren’t they? I mean, I don’t remember that well. They were usually out of the picture, least with us. 

So, uh, yeah, where do I start? You? The infection? Usually I start with the infection first, and that seems to work a bit better. Usually best for you to understand the void in your mind a bit before I try and pour things into it. Which, I mean, is what I’ve been doing, but, cut me some slack, I’m human. Always have been, and that’s what’s made it so bad. The infection. Yeah, you were the first one to see it. At least, see the pattern. Cases had been popping across the city over a few years. Pretty much all of them were ascribed to personal injury, concussion, traffic accident, things of that nature. Now, course that was plausible. It was pretty much papered over by the officials. Cause of course it was. There was profit motive in it. And, so long as it didn’t touch one of your friends or one of your family, most of the people didn’t care. It was a slow burn. Couple of people here one day, couple of people the next. Nothing more. Just, just a bunch of cases of amnesia. Nothing else. Nothing to be too scared of, not really. Least that’s what they said. Course, you being here and me being here, we doing all of this song and dance over and over again, seems that wasn’t the case.

I’ve never quite gone into what they’re after. YOu would’ve known. YOu were always smart like that. But, there’s something. It’s… like they call it an infection, but it’s not that, not technically. I don’t think… It couldn’t be. Because this thing isn’t infectious, even though it seems to jump between person to person, contact like. It isn’t, it isn’t biological, by any means. Isn’t even mechanical. It’s just something of the air, it seems. You would’ve known.

Going in circles again. Course that’s always what I do. Always what I did. You were the only one to straighten me out, make it so that my logic found a line to something worth speaking about. Yeah. Yeah, the infection. We estimate the numbers now at 15,783. And that’s just in town. We keep going on with the days, and…

See, I don’t always want to be bleak, but, yeah, things are bleak. They’re very, very bleak. Each day after this, and whenever I can’t remember, I just wander about the streets, looking at the baleful stars. Shining lazily down upon us, cursing us with every single second of their gaze. And… I dunno man. It’s hard, but we’re here. I’m here, you’re here. And… even though all the situation keeps going to trash, I keep going on. Cause, I dunno, I figure one day, someday, just by being in your presence I’ll be able to understand what you understood after a while. Hasn’t happened, after a couple of months, but, hey, I’m still not dead, I’m still not infected. Been taking the things you left out for me, and they seem to be working pretty good. I forget stuff, yeah, but I forget stuff the way I usually do, cause, you know, my mind’s not the best, but… yeah, it’s been working good. Thank you for that. 

The infection… okay. There’s more I usually cover here. No. No, no, I’ll get to that later. I’ll mix things up a bit. See, Tobias… see… yeah… gah, let is slip. Your name’s Tobias. There’s not many people who know you by that name now, not many people who know you at all, least, the physical you. Uh, there’s a lot of people out there who know you as something else, something you did in the past. And it was a real great, courageous thing. Not the befriending me part, although I’d like to say that was good and courageous too. Certainly saved me multiple times in life. Maybe, literally saved my life. But, yeah, you’re Tobias. You’re 27 years old as of last April, 24th. And you’re the best guy I’ve ever known. And it’s just terrible that… we have to got through this. But again, I don’t want to be a downer. 

Let’s see. What else do I need to remind you of? Ahh, the recent past, um, uhh, politics? The sciences? You never seem to forget the sciences. I dunno what’s up with that. Like you remember science, and cuisine, and language, but not like your motor functions? Not really. Not your family. Not me. And I’d love if for one time, one day, you actually did remember something beyond that which I told you about yourself. But it doesn’t look like that’s ever going to be the case. Least not until that miracle I dream of where I suddenly become as smart as you happens. But, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, the recent past. The recent past always helps you. So the cases were getting into the low six thousands, like six thirty two. And, like… people were actually being able to identify it everywhere. Like my grandma had a really obvious case. Something that wasn’t just early onset alzheimers, dementia, or any of those other medical things. Just real, rapid forgetfulness. And… like we started taking care of her back home. That was a real mess. Again, you don’t remember anything of my family situation back home, but there were a lot of overworked, unenthusiastic, exhausted people over there. Good and loving, but, man none of get enough sleep. I sort of do now, but that’s only because most of my ties are cut. 

But, yeah, gran wasn’t doing too good. We were feeding her, giving her medicine. Wasn’t nearly as effective, cause, you know, you weren’t on it before, but… but she was doing okay. Sort of. And, like my heart still breaks thinking about her, about you, about all the people out there who… used to not have any voice, but… yeah. We took care of her. Her decline was rapid. Within a couple of weeks she couldn’t remember anything, not even how to eat. That’s how you’ll probably go too, unless I… still praying to the cursing stars about that revelation. 

Again, another downer. (Chuckles) Like I’m trying to avoid these, man, but Tobias, you don’t get it… no, I don’t get it. That’s what it is. Cause even when you saw this, even when you knew this thing was almost inevitable, you kept fighting. But then you always kept fighting. That’s what made me fight. Made me think that there was actually some power in me that could make me fight this. Not even just the infection, but the other nastiness in the world. And, boy there’s a lot of nastiness out there. Especially after they shut the levers off. But, yeah, gran declined rapidly, and, no, I turned to you. We hadn’t talked in a while, and that wasn’t either of our faults. You with something that you never revealed to me, and me with just, I dunno, my work, caring for my family and stuff, and I was just so tired. It wasn’t any bad blood, least not that I can remember. But then I finally ginned up enough energy to come to you, show oyu what was going on, and you somehow, you already knew. You already understood the madness that was springing up from underground, and you already had the numbers… man, man Tobias… I dunno, I’m sometimes just in awe of you, of what you did. And then you offered me this chance to go with you, to break out the vaccine, least that’s what you called it. Cause the infection thing’s not biological, so you can’t really have a vaccine for it, but anyways, it would help a little. It’s what you’re on now. And you had the whole strategy planned out, and the other black coated guys, you already knew them. Already trained, planned, and everything. You just needed me. And I dunno why, cause, I dunno, I didn’t have any skills, muscles, or intimidation, or anything like that. I guess you just needed me cause I was me. Cause I reminded you of old, good times. Something to fight for, something to look forward to. And I loved that. Even though I, heh, I played no real role in the break-in besides being another body to scare them off… man… the entire city’s in awe of you. Least what they think is you. Damn them. Damn them all to hell.

Cause during that night, just at the tail end, you know? We’d already secured all the crates, and we’d even swiped some formula papers too. Just all that. And one of them, one conniving little bastard, I dunno how they did it! *SIGH* They got you somehow. I dunno. Maybe you were already infected beforehand. I should’ve watched out for you better. So this whole situation is in some way kinda my fault. Maybe. I dunno. That’s always the problem. I dunno. But they look up to you out there man. And I know it doesn’t feel real, cause you can’t remember any of it. And it’s not you. It’s just the idea of the savior that is you. And you’re not a savior. You’re just a really good man. And I guess that’s why I’m still coming here every day. Every day when I know that there could be a greater life for you out there. I’m just trying to salvage you, salvage your memory, make something good of the future. Claw it out of the past. It’s pathetic, I know, but, yeah, you understand.