As a new parent, the world expects you to have an instant love affair with motherhood, but what if the reality is a juggling act that leaves you feeling anything but rejuvenated?
Tessia Watson, author of "Rejuvenated Mums Make Happy Kids," joins me for a conversation that peels back the layers of post-natal self-care and the societal taboos that can make maternal well-being seem like a luxury rather than a necessity.
We talk the importance of selfcare, how taking time for yourself is actually part of being a good parent.
Tessia also points out some things that do work, and some that tend not to.
And, of course, we talk about the expectations put on mothers to put themselves last when it comes to looking after the family, work etc.
All in all, you're in for a great conversation which will really highlight how important it is that you take time for yourself. Not just for you but also for your kids.
You can find Tessia online;
Instagram
Facebook
As always; HPNB still only has 5 billing cycles.
So this means that you not only get 3 months FREE access, no obligation!
BUT, if you decide you want to do the rest of the program, after only 5 months of paying $10/£8 a month you now get FREE LIFE TIME ACCESS! That's $50 max spend, in case you were wondering.
Though I'm not terribly active on Instagram and Facebook you can follow us there. I am however active on Threads so find me there!
And, of course, you can always find us on our YouTube channel if you like your podcast in video form :)
Visit healthypostnatalbody.com and get 3 months completely FREE access. No sales, no commitment, no BS.
Email peter@healthypostnatalbody.com if you have any questions, comments or want to suggest a guest/topic
Playing us out this week "dusk till dawn" by GraceMcCoy
As a new parent, the world expects you to have an instant love affair with motherhood, but what if the reality is a juggling act that leaves you feeling anything but rejuvenated?
Tessia Watson, author of "Rejuvenated Mums Make Happy Kids," joins me for a conversation that peels back the layers of post-natal self-care and the societal taboos that can make maternal well-being seem like a luxury rather than a necessity.
We talk the importance of selfcare, how taking time for yourself is actually part of being a good parent.
Tessia also points out some things that do work, and some that tend not to.
And, of course, we talk about the expectations put on mothers to put themselves last when it comes to looking after the family, work etc.
All in all, you're in for a great conversation which will really highlight how important it is that you take time for yourself. Not just for you but also for your kids.
You can find Tessia online;
Instagram
Facebook
As always; HPNB still only has 5 billing cycles.
So this means that you not only get 3 months FREE access, no obligation!
BUT, if you decide you want to do the rest of the program, after only 5 months of paying $10/£8 a month you now get FREE LIFE TIME ACCESS! That's $50 max spend, in case you were wondering.
Though I'm not terribly active on Instagram and Facebook you can follow us there. I am however active on Threads so find me there!
And, of course, you can always find us on our YouTube channel if you like your podcast in video form :)
Visit healthypostnatalbody.com and get 3 months completely FREE access. No sales, no commitment, no BS.
Email peter@healthypostnatalbody.com if you have any questions, comments or want to suggest a guest/topic
Playing us out this week "dusk till dawn" by GraceMcCoy
Hey, welcome to the Healthy Pulse Natal Body Podcast with your post-natal expert, peter Lap. That, as always, will be me. This is the podcast for the 25th of February 2024, and, you know, day before music means I have a guest on and all that sort of good stuff. And today I am talking to Tessia Watson. You're going to love this interview. We are talking self-care for rejuvenation for mothers.
Speaker 1:Tessia is the author of a book called Rejuvenated Moms Make Happy Kids, and we're talking all things to do with self-care, postpartum, how important it is, the benefits of it, the struggles that you might have, starting it and all that sort of stuff. And she has some great practical tips and all that sort of thing. This is a lovely conversation. Tessia is one of those people you know. You can listen to her for an hour and you'll just come away a happier person. So, without further ado, right, let's get cracking. Here we go. Every person knows it's important to take care of yourself and, as you mentioned in the book, every woman almost thinks that motherhood will be easier for her than it's often made out to be. You know, can you share your own, your experience a little bit?
Speaker 2:Yes. So, because you have no idea of what's coming up, you just feel that, yeah, everything will be, you know, as it used to be. You will have some time for yourself. You will still do you know the activities or you know exercises that you were, you know, used to do. And when the baby arrives, it's a different story, it's absolutely a different story.
Speaker 2:You just so tired, but you couldn't imagine, you know, this tiredness before. It's just impossible. You can't anticipate that. So when you are in it, you just realize pretty, yeah, pretty fast that it won't go the way you imagined it. So, for me, my experience, I just, you know, went along, I just, you know, day by day. I was just, you know, doing my best, but I was doing my best in terms of being there for the baby and, you know, meeting, you know my baby's needs, but regarding mine, they were gone, they were just gone. There was no way. I just, I just didn't know, I didn't have the awareness on how I can, you know, make that happen, meaning having time for myself and, you know, taking care of the baby. I just didn't know how to do that. So I just suffered up until the time I couldn't anymore and I tried to start to look for solutions.
Speaker 1:So because that's introduced and, like you said, everybody kind of assumes that because having a baby is a natural thing, that we have so many things available to us. You're in London, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, basically.
Speaker 1:London is like an epically huge city where everything you could possibly want is there. Right, I say in Edinburgh, much smaller, but still you know there are mummy baby classes, there are concierge services that help look after babies and all that sort of stuff, because the impression that that gives before you have a baby is that with so much available, it must be easier than it used to be I agree, 100% person.
Speaker 2:But the thing is, once you're pregnant, you go through, you know, this journey where they kind of teaching you everything about. You know giving birth, yeah, which is great but the after part, nobody is teaching you anything. So you've heard, of course, about classes like baby massage. You know classes, this kind of things, but not you don't know about how you go into plan sometimes. You know to take care of yourself Nobody is teaching you that at all. So you just now have the baby. The baby is not sleeping through the night constantly. So you're tired every single day and you just, you know, you just go day by day doing your best just to care for the baby first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so in the book I talked about that, and it's only years later that I was having a conversation with Matilde, who she's now my very good friend, and she mentioned the day I've met her that she's a maternity nurse. So I said okay, what's that? She said I'm going to parents home and I just take care of the baby while the mom is the mom, because most of the time she's up, but when it's mom, dad, whatever, are sleeping. So what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can you repeat this? I was, I couldn't believe, I couldn't. You know, I was just shocked, completely shocked, knowing that it was just there and I just didn't know, I wasn't, I wasn't aware that this type of service you know was you know existing was existing here in London. I could have reached out, definitely. I would have done that, because not sleeping was just torture.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the interesting thing is, of course, because when you are pregnant or when you're just going through that journey, you don't think to Google those services Because it's you're so unprepared. Like you said, all your anti-natal classes, all the NCT classes and all that sort of stuff are very much geared towards and this is how you look after the baby and this is pretty much what your job will be, and there is no segment, there's no module that says and this is how you look after yourself Exactly In any of those classes.
Speaker 2:And this is missing so much because the consequences can be very, you know, disastrous for some mothers Like I didn't go through mental, mental, sorry health issues but I could have oh sure, I could have, literally, and I know lots of moms that you know they've been through depressions because it was too much. So we know now how much it is, you know, tough on parents, but still nothing is in place to teach parents how to, you know, plan some time for themselves or to care for themselves while you know they're going to be taking care of the babies. No one, no one, is teaching you this. So, moms because I'm a woman so I talk more about moms but we just feel so isolated, you know, we just don't know what to do. It's that's why I wrote this book. It's just, you know, to just share my story and make sure that this message is more out and we kind of realize that it's something that we really need to work on more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it really is something that we have to start working on, not just from a, because the onus which I find is that the onus on taking care of the mother is always placed on the mother. Do you know what I mean? As in so the onus of taking care of the baby is usually predominantly placed on the mother, and then I'm a little bit of the bad early on because he gets some paternity leave or the other part, whatever you want to call it. But the onus to take care of on the mother is usually placed on the mother, and finding all this stuff out is usually done. You have to do that of your own volition. Almost when you're in your early pregnancy stages, we expect other women to maybe mention it to you, your friends to maybe mention it to you that something is available. We expect people to come across your book on Amazon or across your website or something like that, or they hear about it at nursery or some of their other friends. If they already have a little, there is very little hand delivered to women.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And that early stage. Like we said, when you go to your anti-natal classes, your NCT classes and all that sort of stuff, the information on how to take care of the baby is presented to you. It's available, yes, but it's just because here you go, here's the information, whereas information on how to take care of yourself is, yeah, you better find that out for yourself Exactly. That is a much more difficult thing to do because you know, obviously, how long has your book been out? For A year and a half, too A year and a half. So you know how hard the work of online advertising and getting the word out and all that sort of stuff is to shift through the bad information and the good information. So before people stumble upon your book, which they might have five crappy books that they've bought before them, agreed. So by the time you get to the good information, you've already read four or five books that you assume are good, and that takes effort.
Speaker 1:That takes a lot of effort, and most women in the right men don't have that time during their pregnancy because, you're pregnant, you have a lot of the time you're still working, you're preparing for a baby and I don't care what people say, that's a lot of fast, that's a lot of work. I do remember.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of work, lots of research, which I've done. I've done everything before, you know, having the babies, but nothing about hmm, let me see how I would love this motherhood journey to be for me. This question never came to my mind once, because I could have planned. I could have said, okay, I'm going to have the baby, maybe I'm going to give myself maybe the first month or the first three weeks to just be there, just nothing. But then after one month I just want to go back to yoga class or I just want. No, I didn't do that, I didn't plan anything.
Speaker 1:No, and it is really really difficult to start planning that without any outside assistance, such as from, like your book. And you know, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've charged before with, like you said, conscious nursing services. I did an interview with um Danica Watson, who has that service that you spoke that you mentioned. She runs it in uh in, uh, la. Okay, um, it is such a useful service to be able if you can afford it, of course, right, but if you can have someone come round to your house to just help of course, and this is such it's, it makes such a difference.
Speaker 2:You know, just for the mom to just have the rest or to relax, and then you, just you know more, you have just more energy and you just go back to your role, just you know more, more, more happier, happier. You just it just makes things easier when you have the support.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly Like, and again, you mentioned this in your book as well. But everybody knows the saying it takes a village and all that sort of stuff, exactly. But the village that we used to have, so to speak, is no longer there. I don't know what your experience is, but you're not from London originally, right? And I'm not from Edinburgh originally. I have. I don't have my family here, is it my? My friends are not. Okay. Family might come over to look after baby for a few weeks and all that sort of stuff, but then they go away, right? So after two or three weeks you're still left by yourself. The friends you have over here may well help, and then they will be useful and all that sort of stuff, but they're not. Everybody's got their own lives.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:So the old saying it takes a village to raise a baby yeah, a hundred years ago that was practical. But we have to find other things to do now, because everybody's got their own stuff.
Speaker 2:And that's why it's not, it's not kind of your responsibility to create that village. Yes, so you have to build your own, you know, support system, and that's something that mothers, fathers, need to be aware of.
Speaker 1:So how do you go about? So, how, how, how did you go about building your own, your own village in that way?
Speaker 2:The parenting support groups. That's, that's what we have here. So it starts with that. You just, you know, go there, chat with the people and whatever you need at the time you mention it, you know, let's say you're too tired because you your baby, you know, can't sleep, whatever. Then someone can come up with this idea. Oh, but you know, this type of service exists, it could help you and even if you don't know the people, I understand it's.
Speaker 2:You know, sometimes you can have a trust issue. But because now, with the reviews that we have, you can just, you know, double check the references of the person and other parents will, you know, recommend and say, oh, she's incredible, whatever. And then it gives you, you know, you feel, you know, comfortable hiring that person or having that person in your house. That's the way we have to go now with it. There's no village, as you said, like you don't have your cousins, aunties, uncles, whatever, around you parents, grandparents. So you need to create your village and that's the way to go. You know, that's the only way to go about it is to just go out there, you know, meet people, and you will have, you know, ideas or people who suggest, you know, services, and that's the way you you can start.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's. It's difficult, isn't it? Because it's like you have to make friends again when you become a new parent, so it's like being back in the playground. Everybody I don't know what whether you found this as well. Like I said, I'm not from Edinburgh and therefore I come over here. The British people tend to be very. I made friends when I first went to school and those are my friends forever and I don't need any more friends that are in my life until I have a baby.
Speaker 1:And then all my existing friends are working so I need to go hang out in in the, in the support groups or the NCT. You know, usually you go to NCT class you get a whole bunch of phone numbers of people that are roughly giving birth at the same time and all this sort of stuff and you meet those people often, but what you're talking about when?
Speaker 1:when you're talking about, indeed, the admitting that things aren't as easy as you thought they would be right, especially in a group setting where the temptation among strangers is to pretend that everything is amazing. And because there's still there's still a stigma around and I've done this podcast for ages and I've done the postnatal thing for well over a decade. There's still a huge stigma around mothers who struggle being a mother, and I'm not even talking about postpartum depression, anxiety or psychosis or anything like that. I'm just talking about women going. This is much tougher than I thought it would, so it requires a level of trust and honesty, like you said, that you can just turn around to someone and go. Yeah, this isn't working for me tonight.
Speaker 2:In my case, I remember we had these breastfeeding groups and you just go there and it's because it's early stage. You usually breastfeed, you know, when you, you just, you know, have the baby. Yeah, so all months are, you know, gathering and we talk about our issues, so, but it's, it's more related to because the person that is running that knows about breastfeeding, yeah, so it's going to be related to that, but she can guide you to other services or she can, you know, give some recommendations, things like that. When you, I remember, when we were into those kind of groups, most mothers were pretty open about what was, what were you know, what was going on in their, in their life and how, you know, they were handling everything with the baby and everything. So you feel I felt in the right place to open myself. That was very good. This was really really good.
Speaker 2:But you see, even if I was, you know, going to those classes or I still struggle, Of course, yeah, so much, even if I can recognize that I had some support. In a sense I had because those groups was there and I went and I was going there every week. But the issue with the baby not sleeping, I didn't have, I didn't have help. I didn't have the support that I needed at the time, that's for sure. So this is my issue. Mothers will have other issues, Sure, you see. So we need to reach out. This is our responsibility. As soon as there is this, you know they have this kind of awareness that they have to reach out. They will find you know solutions and you know answers.
Speaker 1:Yes, because because, like you said, solutions are available. I mean it is. It takes effort to go out and find them, but in a lot of areas solutions are available. It's much easier in London and Edinburgh and New York and LA and all that than it is in I don't know, small villages up in the north of Scotland. Right, the amenities are completely different, but they have all my support groups. I think a lot of these things are run by, like the local health service and all that sort of stuff. So it's more difficult and it's not as ideal to do it via Zoom as it is, face to face maybe, but there are bits and pieces that are available, I think, to almost everybody. So what are some of the things that you found particularly useful in your journey?
Speaker 2:The most important thing for me was this what we were talking about, the support system. You have to build it and it's the only way for me, I think, to just be able to take care of it more of yourself is when you just have support, you have help. And what I love as well was the learning experience self-education. For me, that was wow. That just makes such an impact in terms of raising the boys. I have two boys and I don't know. Through self-education I was just more at peace, I was just more in control of situations occurring and, for example, I knew before it happened that around two years old they just can go into this kind of tendrance, things like that. But I knew in advance. So when my first one started to do that in the middle of a supermarket like that randomly, I was like, oh wow.
Speaker 1:This is what that looks like.
Speaker 2:I mean it was like crazy yelling and I was like, oh wow. But I was so happy to know about this before because I didn't lose it. I was extremely patient. I was talking to him. I wanted to give as well the right message to him not giving it to him, because I know what it means later.
Speaker 2:You know children it's easy. We can just easily put ourselves in their shoes. If you scream to get something, it means that it's the way to get things. So that's just common sense. So the baby, the child, whatever, we would just do that again and again. So I was just so patient and we went. He was screaming, everybody was looking at me, but I couldn't feel embarrassed because I knew it was normal. This was a normal faith through which he has to go. So I was just calm and we went out and I was just so proud of myself. And this was thanks to self-education, because I was reading books about tips on raising children and how you can handle situations much better and it gives you confidence and strength and you're just doing a better job. It's very easy and I found I really found raising the boys very, very easy.
Speaker 1:But just because of that, Just because you knew what was coming at which stage.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly, exactly, so I was ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that is again. That is quite often the case. If you start hanging out with older parents I don't like to defer all the mothers, because the BBC did the whole thing of that a while ago and it was a horrible interview with them, because that implies that the mother is older, rather than people who already have older children and all that sort of stuff If you start hanging out, so if you're lucky enough to go to mother support groups or parents support groups and there are parents there who have an older child and a younger child, they can already tell you and share with you what is going, what their experience of it is.
Speaker 2:Definitely, definitely, so you can have this kind of information through parents, through people who have been there. You can even watch videos. You can learn that from audiobooks, from books, podcasts, from podcasts as well. So the information is everywhere and that's what I did, and this is just. I think, if you really want to do a great job at the mom, it's just the best, because you're constantly improving your skills as a parent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's a personal development thing, isn't it? And I think it's useful to look at it through that personal development lens, as in the way you would with a career, or the way you would with a sport or whatever.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's exactly the same thing. You will do the same thing in different activities that you have an interest to. That's the same, that's the same. And I did as well the self-reflection. So I just kind of I went just back to my own childhood and what I liked about it, what I didn't like that much about it, and I just it was easy to just what I didn't really like it just put that away. And so you just improve, you just do you just make sure that your parenting style will be something that correspond to you and with which you feel comfortable and proud as well. So that's what I did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that's useful, because I think a lot of people when they get older they just fall into the behavior of their parents or their grandparents, if you know what I mean, without thinking, without thinking.
Speaker 1:Without thinking. If you don't put any thought into it, you become your parents or your grandparents. That is kind of how that works I find myself. Sometimes I turn into my dad, even in the moments that I don't want to be. I just wow, where did that come from? He's been dead for a while but all of a sudden, wow, where did that voice come from? Because if I need, if I prepare myself, I reflect on how I want the situation to turn out and how I. Then I can judge how I should behave accordingly. That is a completely different beast from just falling into the situation and trying to stumble my way out of it in the moment.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And especially with parenting, it's very easy to think that we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. You know that old British saying yeah, but when the situation occurs I'll deal with it. Then yes, yeah, but now you're unprepared to deal with the situation. That you have put no thought and no effort into, and therefore you're probably not going to handle it as well as you would when you're unprepared.
Speaker 2:I think every parent should think about that a little bit more and just because sometimes I feel some parents are a bit in denials, they just forget, they just think that because who they are, they kind of feel the love themselves that they think that the education that they receive was the greatest education that it could receive. And I'm not just saying it's, but everything can be improved, everything. So if you agree with that, even if you receive a great education, you can improve it. And it's just we all know that back in our childhood some stuff that happened. You remember how you felt. So it's easy to know that it didn't feel right and you can just say, okay, I don't want my children to feel that at some point in their lives. So I will make sure that the way my parents dealt with I will do something different.
Speaker 1:Yes, and, like you said, that requires a level of preparation. I think people are not told people are not just told advice to them. You know I've done several interviews on the early postpartum period. You know the first 30 days in the first six weeks and all that sort of stuff and the Chinese habits of the, so you choose sitting the month and all that sort of stuff with you spoke about earlier.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Where you have your first three to four weeks, where it's where you just focus on the baby. So you've done your meal prep, there's food in the house, you don't need to cook anymore, someone is doing the cleaning. Usually family comes over to help with that. Yes, and all that sort of stuff. That period, I think, is fairly well covered Now, as in that people are like, okay, I kind of need to prepare for this. You don't want to be painting the nursery when the baby's already there. Do you know what I mean? But that period afterwards we tend to not think about that. No, this especially not during pregnancy. With on during pregnancy, it's kind of the easiest time to think and learn about that sort of stuff, because you don't have the baby yet. Yes, Like you don't. It's easier to plan for having a two year old when you don't have a two year old yet.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I agree, and this reminds me when I when I was, you know, having my first one. Each shoes are rising up. So how are you going to think about whatever when you have a new problem that you didn't anticipate and that is there? So I had lots of, you know, breastfeeding issues and I was just concentrating just on that. I just, you know it was my day to day. It was about how are we going to manage to feed the baby, how I'm going to do that. So you don't, you just don't know, you don't know.
Speaker 1:Not exactly it's. It's the Indeed. The more work you can do in advance, the easier it gets. So what are some of the things you came across that you didn't expect to come across? Because everybody kind of knows sleeping will be difficult when you just have a day. Maybe not to the level that people experience actually experience it, but we all know.
Speaker 1:But we kind of know sleeping will be difficult because everybody tells you well, good luck, you'll never sleep again that sort of thing. But what are some of the things you came across that you like? Wow. So in your case the sleep was much more difficult than you thought.
Speaker 2:Yes, and the lady that was with me during those breastfeeding sessions was saying Tessia, your case is a bit different than the others, because I was talking about the fact that it was a nightmare for me. It was a nightmare. I was crying all the time and she said some babies we still don't know why I'm doing this through the whole night they just want to stay close to the mother and all the father. I don't know, but for me it was me.
Speaker 2:And anytime I decide to put my baby down, it just screams straight away, straight away, all night long. I couldn't believe my eyes because I knew this. I knew they don't sleep, but I didn't know that they don't sleep at all. I couldn't put him in his cot. As soon as I was doing it he was like oh, so I was lost. I was completely lost and she said she has heard about that before. It's a rare case, but it happens. So it was very difficult for me. I had the breastfeeding issue as well and this issue it was because my baby was not able to open wild his mouth. So after a while it took two months she said Tessie, you need to go see someone and see what's going on with that issue, because I was in pain constantly because obviously he can't latch on properly on the breast and the doctor suggested that I should undertake the tongue-tie procedure. So you know what is it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not just anybody listening, if you want to describe it a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yes. So what they do, it's a very, very quick procedure and they just, you know, the skin that you have just underneath the tongue, they just, you know, cut it a little bit just for the try to be able to have more movement with the tongue. So, and I was like, no way, I'm not going to do that, like, oh my God, it was very, very difficult for me. And then you have all the people you shouldn't do it, you should do it, and you're like, oh my God. So now the most important thing is the intuition, because you have no idea if it's you do something right or you're doing something wrong.
Speaker 2:I just went with the intuition. What inside of me is telling me, should I go for it or wait? And just you know, carry on the way I've still I carried on so far. And then I just, you know, it was really the voice you know was really loud and it was go for it, go for it, everything will be much better. So I went and, it's true, it's very quick, it's just like one second. And as soon as you put back the baby on your breast, the baby stops, slip crying straight away.
Speaker 1:So it's just he cries what 30 seconds maybe? Yeah, it's a yell, isn't it? Yes, more than it is now. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's nothing, but you don't know. You don't know I was scared You're doing it, I was scared. I was really scared, but it was not that scary at the end. But that was a big issue. The sleeping, the sleeping, not sleeping, sorry, throughout the night it was a big issue. And the breastfeeding was a big issue. But as soon as we had that, yeah, everything started to get better.
Speaker 1:So did you find then, but in a really weird roundabout way, that those early problems, those early issues of sleeping, not sleeping and breastfeeding problems, that they make you almost better prepared, mentally at least for the one year old, the two year old tantrum that you were and all that sort of stuff that you were like I need to, I need to find a way to better prepare myself for when he gets a little bit older, for the issues that arise then?
Speaker 2:I think what happened to me when I had the first one. I decided that I will be the best mom ever. So that was my goal. So as soon as I had that goal, naturally I was drawn to you know information in terms of raising children, because for me, being the best mother ever was only about providing a good education. It was not about self care, taking care of myself, because I was not aware about this. I realized that afterwards, but so I did all the research.
Speaker 2:I read so many books but because I wanted that, you know, I wanted to be able to have all those tips and everything. So even before having the baby, I was quite well prepared, but I was not prepared on how I'm going to deal with not sleeping through the night, or prepared with how I'm going to handle breastfeeding. I was not prepared because I couldn't anticipate those kind of you know issues. And even if you don't know how you could handle issues, the fact that you have people helping out around you will make that journey much more easier anyways. So let's say I knew beforehand that the maternity service you know existed. Boom, I'm having this issue, I contact them, and it will have been a whole different experience Still probably difficult, but not like a nightmare.
Speaker 2:Like, yes, it was a nightmare, like so it would have been so much different, so much different, but it was just knowing that information. So I agree with you the more you know about what's going to happen, what can happen when you have the baby, and preparing yourself in terms of knowing different services, that you know they are out there to help you, to support you, the better the journey will be. That's for sure.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so what are some of the best services that you came across? You already mentioned the nursing service that could come around. That was great.
Speaker 2:Yes, so the maternity nurse service was great, the breastfeeding groups as well, for me was really helpful Then I think that was really the two.
Speaker 1:And what about it from a self-care perspective, as in how to help you look after yourself? Was there anything that you came across as like if I'd known this, you know this would have been I would have joined this group earlier, whether that's like yoga or something like that.
Speaker 2:Yes, I've learned about yoga later on that you can do yoga with the baby, but it didn't exist at the time when I had my first one and neither my second one. I was not aware of that service at all, and I still think nowadays that we don't have that much services out there for the parents. It's lots more for the children. The baby massage, for instance. It's for the baby. I would love to have a massage as well.
Speaker 1:Yes, because indeed I did an interview on baby massage quite a while ago with an Australian lady and it is indeed it's bonding between mother and baby and it's nice for the baby. But other than a bit of bonding, which you also get if you do other stuff, the mother gets very little from it. There's no relaxation time for you in that, because your focus is still not on you. When you do baby massage, the focus is still on the baby, and that is indeed like you said. It's quite often the case with baby and mother exercise classes. The focus is still quite regularly on the baby.
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely, because even some friends told me. But sometimes you can just go out and be with your friends and they are there. You have your kids. Okay, I did it. Okay, so I know you're there. I'm in the middle of a conversation with my friend. We're excited. Boom, oh baby, what's going on? Oh, don't hurt yourself, come on. Okay, I'm still happy to see my friend, but come on, it's not seeing your friend, it's completely different.
Speaker 1:This is something that Dr Christo Laos, who spoke about a while ago, who wrote one of the books about sitting in the month she was really keen on this. She said that as soon as the conversation becomes about the baby and the mother is expected to engage in conversation about the baby or help out with the baby, or help do something for the guest or something, it is no longer self-care for the mother, you see, because it's about an external thing, right, and therefore, by definition, it's not about you anymore.
Speaker 2:Yes, and it's great that we have so many different activities for the babies. It's not the problem, it's just we don't have enough guidance or activities just for us. Look, I decided a couple of months ago to because I'm a dance teacher to open a class for mothers with the baby in the sling. Okay, yeah, so, because then you can properly do the movements. But still, some mothers came for this class and they forgot the sling or they forgot, you know, and the whole point of having you dancing. It's just gone, because you just follow your child around, because he goes there and he goes there, and so, again, it's all about, even when you try, as soon as the baby is there, it won't be 100% on you. You'll be focusing, or if the baby starts screaming or whatever, you will have to stop and care for your baby, which is absolutely normal. So I think there is a lack of support for the moms to be able to be on their own. We're talking about being, you know, just with yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, this is definitely. This is my issue with a lot of the baby and mommy and baby and bump, baby and buggy classes and all that sort of stuff. You know, you see, you have them around London. You have a hyper, the parks are full of people, mothers, in the horrible British weather and it's better in London than it is up here, but still the weather sucks, it is raining they stand there with the buggy, the cram, they're all covered and they stand where the park is and they're doing like a million squads and they're running around and trying to. At no stage are you actually looking after yourself. You're mainly trying to protect the baby from getting cold and wet. Exactly, there isn't any self-care in the exercise. You're moving and it's great and I'm not knocking the classes, but from a self-care perspective it is.
Speaker 2:the bar is remarkably low on that sort of thing, because now I'm having a such is without children around. I can tell you it's a different person. Wow, wow, that's a, that's a message. You know, that's something. No, come on, it's not the same. When you do something with your, with your baby, with you, it would never have the same impact on doing something without the baby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that is, that is absolutely somebody your favorite things, right? So, because a lot of the time I would why come across when, when the standard situation is something like okay, the husband and wife have a baby and the mother is overwhelmed and needs a bit of a break, and the husband says something on the line of I will look after the baby for the night, you go do something. Or I will look after the baby for a few hours whilst you go do something. Right, that is the 90% of all this situation is. I think everybody can relate to that type of situation where the partner says, okay, I will take the baby for a few hours, you go do something. What is what would your go to activity for my self care perspective be? Because what I see a lot is women and say I will just go grab a coffee then, because in their mind they still have this idea that I have to be back in an hour and I don't know if you know any.
Speaker 1:But you have a nursery, don't you?
Speaker 2:You have the, the, the, the bilingual.
Speaker 1:You know all about how teachers work. Teachers get a tremendous amount of time off during the summer quite usually, and they spend the first two weeks of their holiday being stressed about, because that is their work stress. They try to get rid of that. Then they have four weeks of two or three weeks of proper relaxation and then the stress builds up again, preparing to go back to work and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1:So you have six weeks off, but only two weeks. Relaxation in that. And it's very similar when a partner or a family member tells you you have one hour, go do something nice, because it means 15 minutes. You're winding down and the last 15 minutes at least you think, oh, I better go back.
Speaker 2:I didn't have that during my time. I was very constantly with the, with the children myself, so I didn't have the support that I needed. For sure, now they're a bit older, but if it was I, when I started to go back to you exercises, you know, classes, you know to get my body in shape, let's say it's when they were back to the system. You know they were, you know already nurseries, and I'm going to explain why. Because I had help with someone who came in. I think it was, yeah, a few mornings during the week, which is what. It was great, but I had to. So because I was always, you know, focusing on them. I was taking one to go somewhere and another one, and when I started to decide to go on a class, it happened few times that because you have to rely on someone, and when that someone doesn't, you know, show up, for whatever reason, then you're back again to off. You know I forget about it.
Speaker 2:So that's why I created my own little nursery, because it's not relying on one person, you just rely on, you know, a childcare, you know service. So it's different. So you know that the childcare service will be there unless you know something really you know happens, so you can start having you know two hours for yourself. That's why I created it just for you know parents to have that you know time off that break and to do whatever they need to do during that time.
Speaker 2:So I know that some of them they just go back home and just you know read. Some of them they just, you know, go to run some errands, because it's amazing to run some errands without a child, oh sure, yeah, with you. And I know that some they go to do some exercises without you know the child. So that's that's great and everybody you know finds you know what could be in some sort you know a rejuvenation. You know practice, the right one for them. And because you can really rely on someone who, I mean on the service that give you at least two or three hours for yourself.
Speaker 1:So that's why I created it to support to support and, as long as you're done, actually using it for self care rather than, I agree that, doing the errands and all that is important. But if you don't, if you only prioritize the errands, then you're still not really prioritizing yourself to the extent that you might well need to. And a lot of mothers I speak to and a lot of mother and I see are very guilty of this right because they are at the bottom of the pole. They are so much they have the baby at the top and a whole bunch of errands and a partner, if there's a partner there. But when the, when the child does something, oh, that means I can do the washing, I can do the cleaning, I can do the this, I can do the that, I can do that.
Speaker 2:And that?
Speaker 1:no, yeah, no it's just self care coming to that no stage, or quite often it's a last spot. Oh yeah, and then maybe I have 10 minutes for a cup of tea myself.
Speaker 2:That's the problem. We need to know that. It's self care first and then you do those kind of things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But because we're not aware of it, nobody is applying that. It comes naturally to us to just go to do the you know, the task that you have to do, you know in the house or whatever it just comes naturally to you, instead of having some time for yourself. So this needs to change. The narrative needs to change, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely that whole mindset has to be around. You have two or three hours, you take time for yourself because you'll be a better. Like you said before, like you said in the book, you'll be a better parent.
Speaker 2:Better parent for yourself. It's easy, because if you are the best you, then you present yourself, as you know, the best parent for your children, and the only way to become that is to, obviously, you know meet your own needs. You know you need to acknowledge them and you know to be there for yourself.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is the only way and which is why, like I said before when you're going to touch on, I really liked the message of your book you know we're juvenile that moms make happy kids. I think it's an absolute no brainer, but it's a message that is buried deep, deep. Yes.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's unspoken, nobody knows that, and it makes sense. The more rested you are, the more relaxed you are, the more optimal. You know you become. Yeah, you know. You have more energy, you feel lighter, you feel happier, and then you can, you know, tackle any obstacles that you know can come you just more present as well, and we just don't know. So until we know, things won't change much. No, exactly.
Speaker 1:So it's a good thing that you're getting the word out. So, was it because we covered a lot of ground? Was anything else you wanted to touch on, because you're like, oh, I should have mentioned this?
Speaker 2:No, I think, yes, we talk about the most important things. Rejuvenation practices, you know I've done. I mean, for me, meditation was amazing to help me be in the present moment and to feel straight away more, you know, happy. And when I was going back to the kids I was just wow, I was just there and enjoying each moment with them. So that was a. This meditation, you know, was helping me in terms of regenerate myself. Sure, yes, you see. So I really I highly recommend to do something that can make you feel new, you know, and hold again whatever it could be, to just you know, practice that and then the whole experience, you know, will change, you know will be a more positive experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everything becomes a lot easier when you yourself are feeling well within yourself.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it has to be the top priority. And you know, do you remember when we go? You know, when we just go somewhere and we have to take the plane, what they explain when you have the. You know, you remember this. Yeah, so it's just, it's common sense, it's just you know, it's normal before you can care of someone, you have to care of yourself first yeah, always bring your mask on first yes, no very very true, Very very true.
Speaker 1:On that happy note, I will press stop record here, and press stop record, as always, is exactly what I did. Thanks very much to Tessia for coming on. Her book, rejuvenated Moms Make Happy Kids, is available on Amazon now. It's about 15, 16 quid or something like that. So what is that? 20 bucks for all you lovely Americans. It's well referred.
Speaker 1:I really like the message that Tessia has, where she just points out that how important self-care is, and this is a subject we'll come back to in the future. I've done several interviews already. One was with a lady called Alison Escalante. We are talking about shoot storms and how to how to really look after yourself. I have a wonderful interview coming up as well with Bianca Sprague, who is a doula and, more importantly, she teaches other people how to be a doula, and she does a lot more than that. So the subject of self-care comes up a lot and how important it is that the focus shifts away from the baby a little bit towards the mother, because if we take care of the mother, then chances are the baby will be a lot happier and healthier, and all that sort of stuff as well. So thanks very much to Tessia for coming on.
Speaker 1:Like I said you get a book I will link to. I will obviously link to the book and you know that's the podcast done for another week, right, I'm just smashing through it. Peter and healthyplusdatabodycom. If you have any questions, comments, whatever you want to do, if you could leave us a little review, that would really really help. You know, apple that's how they list these things and Spotify and all that sort of stuff. You get pumped a little bit higher if someone gives you a little five stars or, even better, right, a little review about it and all that sort of thing. So, thanks again. I'll be back next week, right? Here's a new bit of music. Take care, bye now. Bye.
Speaker 2:All right, thank you, bye, bye, bye.