The Healthy Post Natal Body Podcast
The Healthy Post Natal Body Podcast
Listener email; "Pete, 3 kids and I feel haggard...any tips??"
Today I'm responding to an email from a listener;
"Hi Pete,
Love the program and what you’re doing with it and like the podcast as well!
I had my 3rd about 6 months ago and ever since then I look, and feel, haggard…I know this comes with the territory but its kind of getting to me…any tips?"
So that's what I'm doing. Warning, it's NOT earth shattering advice and there isn't a magic supplement I'm recommending!
As always; HPNB still only has 5 billing cycles.
So this means that you not only get 3 months FREE access, no obligation!
BUT, if you decide you want to do the rest of the program, after only 5 months of paying $10/£8 a month you now get FREE LIFE TIME ACCESS! That's $50 max spend, in case you were wondering.
Though I'm not terribly active on Instagram and Facebook you can follow us there. I am however active on Threads so find me there!
And, of course, you can always find us on our YouTube channel if you like your podcast in video form :)
Visit healthypostnatalbody.com and get 3 months completely FREE access. No sales, no commitment, no BS.
Email peter@healthypostnatalbody.com if you have any questions, comments or want to suggest a guest.
Hey, welcome to the Healthy Postnatal Body Podcast with your postnatal expert, peter Lap. That, as always, would be me. Today I have a wonderful email from someone which I'm going to read out word for word. I'm not making this up. Love the program, what you're doing with it, and I like the podcast as well. I had my third about six months ago and ever since then I look and feel haggard. I know this comes with the territory, but it's getting kind of to me, kind of getting to me any tips. So that's what I'm talking about today, you know. So, without further ado, here we go. Hey, welcome to the Healthy Postnatal Body Podcast. This is the one for the 27th of July 2025. And you know, I hope you're're well, I hope you're doing grand.
Peter:It's a week before the festival starts in edinburgh, so it's a little bit chaotic, um, but you know we're plowing ahead. Hey, that's what we're doing. Uh, this will be a relatively short one. I don't have an awful lot of time and, you know, just means that you don't need to listen to my waffling for for too long. Um, I'm here with uh, with four puppies. Uh, I've temporarily added peggy to to the family for uh, for about 10 days or so. Um. So again, if you hear any pitter patter in the background, it's just because there's an extra puppy there, uh, from the usual bunch. Um, what are we doing today? Yeah, so I had this email from someone from, uh, australia. Um, basically, I won't do the accent, but I absolutely loved it. Um, like I said in the intro, basically, uh, hi p, I love the program, what you're doing with it, and I like the podcast as well, not how she says, like not love the podcast.
Peter:I had my third about six months ago and ever since then I look and feel haggard Lovely word, haggard, by the way. Absolutely love that word. I know this comes with the territory, but it's kind of getting to me Any tips and then name and blah, blah, blah, right, and you know we're going to have a little open conversation about that today. You know the reason, right, you regularly see this. So, first of all, you're very much, very much not allowed. So, first of all, you're very much not alone. I'm going to be very, a little bit blunt here. And it all comes from a place of love, remember that, and there's no judgment towards anybody on this. A lot of women that, and there's no judgment towards anybody on this. A lot of women that I've worked with that had one child. They looked and they felt great after their first kid and after the second it gets a bit more difficult and after the third they feel, oh, let's say, haggard or, as one of my former clients he gets to describe it like shit right, just tired and drained and all that type of stuff. And this is very, very much. It comes with the territory.
Peter:Yeah, because you have three kids, especially if you have them in relatively quick succession. So say, if you have three under the age of six right, a six-year-old, a three-year-old and a baby, then of course, of course, you're not going to look as glamorous as most people who've had one, or who have none, or, as you used to, so to speak, or even people with three kids who have all the help in the world. That is usually, usually that is what it is when people you see this regularly At the school drop off. You haven't slept for ages. You have barely any time with three kids. You have barely any time for yourself. You're constantly and I don't know anything else about this lady and she has three kids and one of them of six months old but if the others are, even if they're twins or whatever.
Peter:If we go by the normal way that people tend to have kids, then they're about two, three years apart each. Sometimes one is a bit later, but it's it's remarkably difficult and this sounds straightforward. It's remarkably difficult and this sounds straightforward. It's remarkably difficult to look after three kids under the age of, say, 10. The young kids that aren't really capable of doing anything themselves and look after yourself. So, first of all, this is one of those sayings this too shall pass, right, it gets a bit easier when the kids get a bit older and they can do some things for themselves and all that sort of stuff that helps. But you know all this, like you said, I know it comes with the territory, but it's getting to me. Yeah, because it's still difficult, right, it's. Just because something is the way it is doesn't mean that it's any easier to deal with. It still sucks, right, it's. It's still. It's still difficult and you still feel tired and and and run down. And you know when you look tired and run down and and, after a while you're going to have days that are better than others.
Peter:I'm afraid that none of the, none of the tips I can give are particularly earth-shattering. I'm not going to say take cumin or turmeric or anything like that and that'll make it all better. One of the big things I'm just going to say, the things that I notice people it's mainly women that are the caregiver in this scenario, and the main thing I see with women that are in this scenario is that their sleep is buggered. Their sleep is just completely done. I'm not sure how maternity leave works in the US sorry, in Australia, and I know it doesn't exist in the US.
Peter:Okay, if you are not working or working from home or whatever, and you have a six-month-old working from home or whatever, and you have a six-month-old and you know, let's, let's assume two relatively young kids, if the young kids are in daycare or nursery or something like that, or um, or in school and and your home, the best thing, one of the single best things you can do and it sucks is sleep more and sleep during the day, prioritize sleep, none of this. When the baby sleeps, you sleep, type stuff. But just, I don't mean it that way but try to get an extra hour More than you're currently getting. If you're getting eight hours a night and God love you, you're probably not with a six-month old or at least as everybody has ever been on the podcast says you're really. You know you're probably not and you probably shouldn't, but so that means you have sleep interrupted. If you can grab a nap, that is the best way to stop the tired. Look, the tired feeling. It sounds obvious, right? I know there will be someone listening to this. Yeah, that's obvious, pete. If you feel tired, then sleep more. But you know you're a jackass, I've got stuff to do around the house. That's usually the big thing.
Peter:When I say sleep more, I mean prioritize sleep. Prioritize it if you can. Right, this is all a if you can do it. Do this scenario. So if you can't sleep more, so you're not at work and and all that type of stuff, you can get an extra hour during the day, even if you are working and you don't have sole caretaker duties and I know a lot of people listening to this are the sole caretaker and that really that's the struggle, right then, finding a half hour for a quick. You remember that used to be called power now. Power now. All those yuppie jackasses that had special chairs and all that in the 80s and 90s. A lot of you will be too young to remember this, but this was a thing in 80s. In the 90s you could buy special chairs in the world for high-flying executives so you could take a 10-minute power nap. Take it 30 minutes if you can. Prioritizing sleep is more important than almost anything to do with health and things that you can do for yourself. So that's my starting point, with almost everybody Assuming you're breastfeeding again my assumption, but I'm just showing it out there Breastfeeding takes up or expressing right, it's potato, potato.
Peter:It takes a lot of energy. And the main thing a lot of women tend to forget is drinking enough liquids. Doesn't have to be water. If you don't like water, then you drink squash or whatever it is, doesn't really matter. But drink more, get more liquids in you, especially Especially nice, healthy liquids. Right, it is one of those.
Peter:If you're looking at your skin and all that, hydration is everything. I've had various skin experts On the podcast. Did I have dermatologists? I definitely had an aesthetician on A while ago and if I was prepared for this, this, then I would have looked that up. I can't remember her name. I will link to it in the podcast description to that particular interview, if I remember. But hydrate, drink enough water. That is huge for skin health and all that sort of thing. Of course you know about food right. That is huge for skin health and all that sort of thing. Of course you know about food right. But the main as in, you need to eat your fruits and your veggies and your healthy meals and all that type of stuff in an ideal world. But having said that, for looking and feeling tiredness, just exhausted or haggard that's a beautiful word the main thing is eat more, eat more than what you're currently doing.
Peter:A lot of low energy feeling people, women in that position, right, I'm not talking about someone who eats enough and just feels tired because they are just doing very little and they are just sitting on the sofa watching telly all day eating potato crisps. I'm talking about someone who's looking after three kids and potentially breastfeeding and all that sort of stuff. A lot of the time time. Women in that position don't actually eat enough for the levels of energy that they're expending, or at least they're not eating the right foods. So, uh, so I'm not saying tidy up your diet completely and only eat clean and all that type of stuff, but get your fruits and your veggies in. Uh, get your fiber in.
Peter:It's too many women I talk to to me, of my clients, and they start with me. They're talking about how they don't poop regularly, get your fiber in not too much, don't go massively overboard, but just get your fruits and your veggies and your fiber and all that sort of stuff in and, like I, keep drinking more fluids and prioritizing sleep. Other than that, I mean, like I said, this is fairly straightforward stuff. It's just difficult to implement, right, especially when you have three kids that are relatively young, and if you have a six-month-old, life is always going to be tough. If you add two kids on top of that, it's just monstrously difficult.
Peter:The beauty is the issue that a lot of people as I moved my hand across my mouth and therefore mumbled the issue that a lot of women I say people, the issue that a lot of women find is that a lot of women that I speak to seem to find is that they find it really difficult after a couple of years of not prioritizing sleep and diet and hydration because they're too busy and all that type of stuff and again, completely understandable, no judgment but they find it really difficult that when they do have the time, the pressure's off a little bit. So the youngest goes to nursery, kindergarten and all that type of stuff that they then can't switch on anymore. They find it really difficult to then start prioritizing themselves, because there's always a reason to put yourself at the bottom of the pile, right, there's always a reason and I'm not talking about self-care, as in I'm going off for a massage type thing. I'm talking about regularly just putting everybody else before yourself. Everybody else's needs come first Before your own, and that's a bugger. Once you're in that kind of position, it's difficult, it's a difficult one to break. Yeah, yeah, once you're in that position, it's a difficult one to break. As you can tell I was interrupted there so trying to to get that in when your youngest is still still young, so to speak, is, yeah, get that, get that in earlier, right, rather than, rather than later. You are not supposed to be, uh, the least important person in the room, right, I know it might feel like it, but but sometimes, but when you have, when you're spending, when you have three kids, and if you're doing it kind of like by yourself and all that type of stuff, of course, right, it should almost go without saying, but I have to say it because I am a middle-aged white guy. If there is someone else a, as they say, secondary caregiver I hate that term, I was gonna swear there. I hate that term so much, so much then they need to step up to the plate. Right. Everything I say with regards to taking care I'm going to go my little white male feminist right now.
Peter:Everything I say because of prioritizing sleep and hydration and food and all and nutrition, all this sort of thing. That includes getting someone else to do stuff, and I don't care if the other person works 40 hours a week or 50 or whatever it is. You need that time. This is for your health and it's only temporary. So when we say things like, ah, this too shall pass, that doesn't mean that you stay busy for two years and and then it's quiet for you. It's. It means that everybody is busy for two years and then it cramps down a little bit for everybody. That is, that is what, what the point of it is right. If you're doing everything completely by yourself because you're stuck in that, in that position, then that's a. That's a different thing altogether.
Peter:But if there is someone who should be helping, they should be helping, right this? I hope that is not. I hope that goes without saying, almost, but I sometimes forget that it doesn't necessarily go without saying, especially going from someone who looks like me. So when I say you have to prioritize, it means someone else has to step up, right? Yeah, I know that doesn't always get said, but you know and it shouldn't get said, but I do mean that it should be obvious is what I mean? Right, if there's guys listening to this and no one or two of you are you step up.
Peter:If your wife says she's feeling run down and hangers, it means you need to do more. It means you're failing in your husbandry duties. Be blunt about this. Like I said, it comes from a place of love. This is what jackasses always say when they say things. Um, but realizing to get back on track, realizing that life is going to get a little bit easier when you start doing not just doing these things, but also with time, because you're going to have more time for yourself again at some point um, that means that it is never too late. It's just when you're sending me emails, uh, asking for tips and all that stuff.
Peter:So I know there's loads of horseshit pardon my french influencers out there that will tell you do this magic thing and buy this magic supplement and there isn't a magic supplement out there. Magnesium isn't going to help you feel a lot better. It might help you sleep a little bit, but it's not going to magically help you feel better. Taking the Well Woman vitamin supplement does bugger all. Listen to me Nothing. Nils, zada, zada Zilch. To me nothing nilch, zada, zada zilch and nada. Not nilch and zada zilch. Nada for you feeling a crap.
Peter:It really it really won't. I mean we're saying don't get it. But don't get it, thinking that that is going to be the fix. Right, we're all on board with taking a vitamin and multivit and all that type of stuff. But don't think that just because it says it's for postpartum women, that it's automatically actually going to do anything different. Luna formulated specifically for new mumps and it didn't he it just? Oh, drives me nuts when I see that usually you need to add a little bit more of one thing that you don't really need, but that isn't dangerous to add a little bit more of right. That it's one of those this is harmless to add a bit more.
Peter:And then, because technically, mumps could deal with a little bit more I don't know vitamin d, because everybody can do it and they're a little bit more vitamin d, and therefore we'll say this formulates for for newly postpartum women, because that's fundamentally what all these things are. So just realizing that there isn't a magic bullet, there isn't a silver bullet out there that is going to help you, it is. It comes down to the three pillars sleep or rest, right, nutrition and hydration and nutrition. And then if you could do some exercise on top of it, awesome. But after those three, that is the last thing I would prioritize. We do exercise for strength and health and in an ideal world, you know, you do the rehab thing and all that type of stuff postpartum. But if you're, your energy levels aren't magically going to improve. If you're a mom taking care of three and breastfeeding and all that type of stuff, if you then add a whole layer of exercise to it, exercise is good for you. But it's the fourth in that particular equation. If you don't do and you don't hydrate, if you don't sleep and you don't hydrate and you don't have your nutrition not optimal but pretty, pretty decent, exercising isn't going to do that much for you With regards to giving you more energy and all that type of stuff. So so, yes, please, you know, exercise, but only after you do the other three first, with regards to giving you more energy and all that type of stuff. So, yes, please exercise, but only after you do the other three first and realize that it is only temporary and you are doing an incredibly tough thing.
Peter:I'm not going to say incredible thing because, let's be honest, cats give birth. Look after nine kittens. I kid, I make a little funny because I'm tired. Apologies, but it's. It's right. You're doing a really difficult thing and that's an exhausting thing. An exhausting thing, right, and remembering that, that it's supposed to be exhausting, or at least it's not supposed to be exhausting, it's normal for it to be exhausting, but you're not supposed to do it alone. That's the thing.
Peter:Humans are not designed To do all this stuff and I was going to say something else To do all this stuff by themselves. Women are not designed to raise three kids, three young kids, all by themselves. You're just not supposed to do that and then have to take care of the whole family on top of that. There is supposed to be more help. So maybe what I should have said is how to answer the question get help first if you can, if you can swing it, if you're in a position to do so, if it's viable, if you have people around you. Well, no, you got there after about 20 minutes. Get help first and then, you know, prioritize all the things that you need to do to look after yourself.
Peter:Anyways, 25 minutes in, I finally came up with the right answer. This is what happens when you read out an email you haven't really read before and you just start waffling on for 20 minutes and then call it a podcast. The confidence, the confidence you need to have, right to just go on and put this out into the ether, is. This is why I know the podcast sucks people right, why I will take someone who says love the program like the podcast. Anyways, that's me done for another week. I'm like I said, I'm a busy boy. I'm gonna pick out some new music for you now, so for you to listen to now and you take care of yourself. You have a wonderful week. Bye now.
Speaker 2:Can't eat, can't sleep, can't drink, can't think, can't breathe can't be alone, can't cope, can't smoke, can't crash, can't choke. So broke can't be alone. But I can hear it coming from a thousand miles away. Yeah, I can hear it coming. I just don't know what to say, don't know what to say, and I can see it swinging as it's coming back around. And it's coming back around. Yeah, I can see it swinging. I know it's gonna take me down, gonna, take me down. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't drink, can't think, can't sleep, can't drink, can't think, can't breathe, can't be alone, can't cook, can't smoke, can't crash, can't choke. So broke can't be alone. But I can hear it coming from a thousand miles away. Yeah, I can hear it coming. I just don't know what to say. Don't know what to say. And I can see it swinging as it's coming back around. Yeah, I can see it swinging. I know it's gonna take me down, gonna, take me down.
Speaker 2:Can't eat, can't sleep, can't drink, Can't eat, can't sleep, can't drink, can't think, can't breathe, can't feel, can't move, can't scream, can't crash, can't drive, can't move, can't be. But I can hear it coming From a thousand miles away. Yeah, I can hear it coming. I just don't know what to say. Don't know what to say We'll see you next time.