123 - This week, Heather's in a prison of her own making, and I attempt to help with her jailbreak. The topic of discussion is a $35,000 Hermès purse, but the implications go far beyond that.
Join us for an emotion-packed episode on judgment, shame spirals, and why 2022 Heather is having a good laugh at 2018 Heather's expense.
What To Listen For:
In other news, have you made the move yet to our new Hair of the Dog community? The party's over on Circle now, and by all accounts it's a rager! (But not in the sense of, like, raging about a wildly overpriced handbag, à la Heather.)
Resources From This Episode:
JOIN THE PARTY:
123 - This week, Heather's in a prison of her own making, and I attempt to help with her jailbreak. The topic of discussion is a $35,000 Hermès purse, but the implications go far beyond that.
Join us for an emotion-packed episode on judgment, shame spirals, and why 2022 Heather is having a good laugh at 2018 Heather's expense.
What To Listen For:
In other news, have you made the move yet to our new Hair of the Dog community? The party's over on Circle now, and by all accounts it's a rager! (But not in the sense of, like, raging about a wildly overpriced handbag, à la Heather.)
Resources From This Episode:
JOIN THE PARTY:
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Welcome to the hair of the dog podcast.
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I'm your host,
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Nicole Begley.
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And today's episode is an emergency S O S call from
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your friend and mine,
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Heather Lahtinen,
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about a serious money trigger she encountered over the holidays and
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she needed some emergency coaching.
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I think you're going to love our conversation.
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So stay tuned.
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Welcome to the hair of the dog podcast.
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If you're a pet photographer,
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ready to make more money and start living a life by
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your design,
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you've come to the right place.
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And now your host,
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pet photographer,
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travel addict,
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chocolate martini connoisseur,
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Nicole Begley.
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Hi everyone.
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This is Heather Lahtinen from hair of the dog,
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and I am requesting an emergency SOS call with my friend
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Nicole Begley,
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because I have a money situation and money trigger that needs
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to be dealt with immediately.
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Nicole, can you help me?
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Yes. Hey everybody,
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Nicole here from hair of the dog.
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Thank you again for joining us for another podcast episode.
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This is pretty funny.
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This is our second day back in the office after actually
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it's really kind of the first cause the kids didn't have
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school yesterday,
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so I got some stuff done,
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but that doesn't really count.
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So today is really our first day back in the office.
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And once I got back into town from Florida,
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I got this boxer from Heather and she's like,
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Hey Nicole,
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I need some coaching.
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I need a stat and we should do it on a
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podcast episode.
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So I'm like,
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yeah. Awesome.
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I have no idea what Heather's about to tell me,
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but we often love to just like talk about,
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Hey, had a random money trigger today,
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or we'll help coach each other through random things,
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such as one,
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Heather needed a new car,
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which I'm actually,
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I need to go order a new truck and I'm still
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having some hesitation with that is just so stinking expensive for
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my final thing is going to get any cheaper anyway.
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So that's,
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it's not about my truck,
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Heather, let's talk about your money situation.
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What happened?
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Oh my gosh.
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I can't wait to tell you this story.
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This really was an emergency.
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I mean,
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I had this money trigger and let me just say that
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for everyone listening,
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and we've gone through this money series,
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these triggers will never go away.
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You know,
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the key is I recognized that when it happened,
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so the first step in this money training is to recognize
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when something triggers you and dive into it.
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So I was mindful.
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I recognize what was happening.
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My problem,
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Nicole, what I need help with is how to process it,
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how to work through it.
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So like I get it.
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I was triggered by it.
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I understand these are my issues,
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but then I don't know if anyone can relate.
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Do you ever feel this way to ever get like frustrated?
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Like, yeah,
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I know I need to process this or work through this.
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I just don't know.
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How does that happen to you?
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Yeah, A hundred percent.
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I think that happens is a lot.
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Well, even when the photography it's like,
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Hey, we need to show up in your business.
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Okay. Hi.
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Oh, I read all of these personal growth books and they
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spend, you know,
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nine tenths of the book convincing you,
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why you need to buy into their theory.
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And in the whole time I'm saying,
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you guys,
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I get it.
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I get it.
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I'm in,
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I'm in tell me how where's the hell.
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I'm just a very tactical person.
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And I like to jump right into solution road.
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And so the problem is it was very difficult to coach
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oneself. Oh yeah.
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And I think the other problem is that when we're talking
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about these things that are a little bit more esoteric,
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I guess that there isn't a straight,
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okay, you log into this website and you put in your
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information and outcomes,
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your plan,
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like it it's,
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it's like that be,
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do have you hear it and you,
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and you know what you should be doing,
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but it's still hard.
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And you're like,
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well, well,
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how exactly.
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And I think it just comes with recognizing things,
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asking yourself different questions and just trying to live from this
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place for any of you guys that missed our,
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actually it was the last episode last week,
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which is actually today because the recording that January 4th episode
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that you and I talk about planning,
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the biggest hack that came out of that for me,
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which has been life-changing so far.
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I mean,
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granted I was on vacation and I had more time and
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it was warm out and flat out.
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So I did a lot of walking and biking and I
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was exercising every day.
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I was asking myself,
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you know,
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if I was someone that took care of myself or ate
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healthier, who would I be?
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I still enjoyed some cookies and I sure enjoyed some chocolate
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cake. I'm not gonna lie.
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And I still enjoyed a regular martini with my mom,
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but, but I was making much better decisions and that little
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trick, because for the longest time,
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for years,
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years, I've been hearing,
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I'm going to have to be that person.
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You just have to,
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how you just be that person you just do,
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you just be by,
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you know,
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whatever it can just be and then do.
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But just the way you said it just kind of flipped
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it. So I think that is kind of the key on
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these. How is sometimes you just need somebody else say something
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in a way that you're like,
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oh, that makes sense.
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Right? Yeah.
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So it's a way,
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like, I haven't thought of it that way before,
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you know,
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when you have that moment,
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it's it's nuanced,
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I think is what you were trying to say,
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you know,
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asking yourself what would a healthy person do here?
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And then you make better decisions.
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So I'm asking myself as a,
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and I'm going to share this money trigger in just a
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moment. But I was asking myself,
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well, what would a wealthy person be doing right now?
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What would they be thinking?
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And how would they be responding to this?
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Because I clearly knew that my reaction was unhealthy.
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Okay. So I don't know if you know about this genre,
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but there are a lot of YouTubers.
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They're beauty and fashion bloggers.
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Are you familiar with this area?
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I don't think it existed.
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I know they're saying a lot of people in that space,
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but I don't really follow it because if you guys can
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see the video right now and you can see the migraines,
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like an inch and a half deep in my roots,
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that's not until next week,
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but anyway,
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yeah. I need some fashion and beauty blogging.
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I didn't think this was your Shondra,
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but there are a few that I follow because I like
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to learn about fashion and makeup and that kind of thing.
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And that's fine,
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but there's one in particular who posted a video,
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she's a very popular on YouTube.
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And actually,
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I didn't know this until recently.
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She actually lives about 45 minutes from me,
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which is very strange.
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Yeah. That was unusual In Western Pennsylvania,
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Pittsburgh. This is what I'm saying.
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Like, if you understand Pittsburgh is not exactly a Mecca for
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money, there's money,
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for sure.
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But anyway,
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so she's a very popular YouTuber.
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She has millions of subscribers.
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So she clearly does very well.
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She's fun.
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She's lively.
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I just really like her.
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I really like her content.
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I watch her for like new trends and fashion or Amazon
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finds or these kinds of things.
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She posted a video right after Christmas and it was entitled
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what I got for Christmas or something similar to that.
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I was like,
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oh, it'd be really interested to see what she got.
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So she starts,
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this video is pretty short and okay,
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let me preface this by saying,
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I like this person.
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I follow her.
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I will continue to follow her.
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This is a hundred percent of Heather issue.
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Anybody else?
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This is,
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this is my issue.
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How you,
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yes. How you're acting.
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Right. So,
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okay. She pulls out this box,
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which I guess a lot of people know this box.
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I do not,
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because this is going to show you how little I know
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about high end fashion or designers.
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I just,
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I'm just not in that realm.
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It doesn't appeal to me at all.
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You know,
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like we had talked previously about purses and stuff like that.
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Okay. She pulls out this box and I'm sure everybody watching
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that knows would be like,
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oh, that box.
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And I'm like,
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I don't even know what that means.
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You know,
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she got a purse.
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She got,
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she bought herself a purse for Christmas and it was her
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treat to herself.
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And it was like,
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oh, that's nice.
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And she pulls out this purse and it's just super average
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size, like not a big bag,
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just a regular purse like anybody would have,
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but the designer listened.
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Forgive me.
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I don't even know if I'm pronouncing it correctly because this
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is how little It's called.
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I can't help you either get mad,
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spending $30 on a purse from target.
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Yeah. So it's air mez.
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Have you heard?
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Okay. Okay.
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It looks like it's spelled H E R M E S.
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It looks like I forget what that brand,
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because they are popular in the horse world and they have
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a force on their logo,
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I believe.
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And, and it's,
265
00:08:44,180 --> 00:08:44,510
you know,
266
00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:49,280
there's, there's many different levels in the horse sport industry and
267
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,830
there's a lot of people that play in that sandbox.
268
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,930
I don't play in that sandbox.
269
00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:54,890
I just want the horse.
270
00:08:55,060 --> 00:08:56,400
I don't care about fashion,
271
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:57,480
but anyway,
272
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:00,330
I thought,
273
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:01,860
I always thought it was Hermes.
274
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:02,790
I don't know.
275
00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,430
People are laughing at us right now.
276
00:09:05,430 --> 00:09:06,450
That's totally fine.
277
00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:07,200
I did not.
278
00:09:07,260 --> 00:09:08,250
I had to like,
279
00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:10,080
look it up airmen and I had to write it down.
280
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,070
Phonetically air mask.
281
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:17,970
Yeah. So she pulled Out this purse and I'm like,
282
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:18,810
oh, that's really pretty.
283
00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:19,740
And she says the name of it,
284
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:20,550
which I don't remember.
285
00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:22,890
I guess these persons have names are so important.
286
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,220
Yeah. Yeah.
287
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:26,280
It's much fancier than that.
288
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:26,640
But yeah,
289
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:27,960
they have names that don't even,
290
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:28,710
you can't even remember.
291
00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:29,580
Cause they don't make sense.
292
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,220
And so she says it and she talks about it and
293
00:09:32,220 --> 00:09:32,820
she's like,
294
00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:33,930
but you guys listen.
295
00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:35,040
And by the way,
296
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:35,970
I have no,
297
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,010
I have no reference point for these persons.
298
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,030
None whatsoever.
299
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,680
But she says in the video,
300
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:41,670
you guys,
301
00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:42,060
but you know,
302
00:09:42,060 --> 00:09:42,420
I'm just,
303
00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:43,830
I'm, I'm practical.
304
00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:45,060
So I bought a used one.
305
00:09:45,060 --> 00:09:46,200
I didn't buy a new one.
306
00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:46,920
And I was like,
307
00:09:47,010 --> 00:09:47,730
oh good for her.
308
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:47,970
You know,
309
00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:49,320
but we get right.
310
00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,210
And so while I'm watching this video,
311
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,060
I decided to look up her specific bag.
312
00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,400
Cause she has like the name of the color,
313
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,030
the size,
314
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,320
I guess they're like have measurements.
315
00:09:58,710 --> 00:09:59,910
I look it up on this.
316
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:01,020
She said the website,
317
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,160
the used place.
318
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,280
And I need you to sit down for this while I'm
319
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,640
sitting. This Used purse,
320
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,300
purse was $35,000.
321
00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:16,560
I can sneak it in my truck.
322
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:22,770
Shopping. You used pers for $35,000.
323
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:24,360
Well, they,
324
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,170
they range.
325
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:26,460
I think,
326
00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:29,340
I think the least expensive might be in the 20 to
327
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:30,060
30 range.
328
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:34,470
New, like not her type and the most expensive one I
329
00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:35,760
found was 200,000.
330
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:36,450
All right.
331
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:36,930
Can we,
332
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,640
can we take a time out here for a second,
333
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,790
but you want us out there still thinking that charging a
334
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:44,820
thousand dollars for a 16 by 24 is highway robbery and
335
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:46,410
insane and no one will ever pay it.
336
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:48,540
I want you to ask yourself that question again.
337
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:50,840
Okay. Now we can continue.
338
00:10:50,860 --> 00:10:51,150
Go ahead.
339
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,510
I, I actually was thinking about cost of goods sold.
340
00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:55,710
I was thinking to myself,
341
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,150
even if you use like,
342
00:10:57,930 --> 00:11:00,000
Yeah, it's how I am leather or whatever,
343
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:00,510
you know?
344
00:11:00,690 --> 00:11:02,910
Yeah. What are they putting into this bag?
345
00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:03,390
A thousand,
346
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:06,120
a couple thousand dollars at most cost of goods sold profit
347
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,520
margins are just astronomical.
348
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:08,430
Good. Hey,
349
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:09,000
good for them.
350
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:09,540
I mean,
351
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,940
they're Huge for everything.
352
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:16,020
There is a market for everything and as she's talking and
353
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:17,790
I'm looking at these bags and I'm picking my nose,
354
00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:20,100
Right? Yeah.
355
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,960
Well I'm scrolling the comments and all,
356
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:22,830
cause I'm waiting,
357
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:25,170
I'm thinking people are going to be like,
358
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:26,850
that's crazy.
359
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,050
That's like so much money.
360
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,880
The comments were like good for you.
361
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:30,480
You deserve it.
362
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,350
That's an amazing bag.
363
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:32,730
I'm going to buy a used one next year.
364
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:33,150
And I'm thinking,
365
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:34,350
who are these people?
366
00:11:34,590 --> 00:11:35,100
I just don't.
367
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:37,410
I don't even understand.
368
00:11:37,410 --> 00:11:38,400
I can't okay.
369
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:39,600
The trigger.
370
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:45,450
Okay. So I'm thinking the most expensive purse I had ever
371
00:11:45,450 --> 00:11:47,430
heard of previous to this was like in the one to
372
00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:48,360
$2,000 range.
373
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:49,560
I didn't even know this was a thing.
374
00:11:50,850 --> 00:11:51,810
Yeah. So,
375
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:54,670
and she started talking how it's an investment piece and I
376
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:55,660
just, I'm sorry.
377
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:57,190
I just really disagree with that.
378
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:58,720
An investment is something that,
379
00:11:59,140 --> 00:12:01,270
that appreciates over time and makes you money.
380
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:02,560
And so to me,
381
00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,270
a purse is not an investment piece.
382
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:04,990
We can disagree,
383
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:05,860
whatever it doesn't matter.
384
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:07,390
So she says,
385
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:07,600
you know,
386
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,690
this is investment piece and she's talking about how it's packaged.
387
00:12:10,690 --> 00:12:11,650
And she said,
388
00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:14,200
okay, this really takes the cake for me.
389
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,220
She said,
390
00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:17,530
I probably don't plan on using it.
391
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:21,190
It's just going to sit on my shelf in my closet.
392
00:12:23,350 --> 00:12:24,010
I'm sorry.
393
00:12:24,550 --> 00:12:25,990
You bought a $35,000
394
00:12:25,990 --> 00:12:28,570
piece of art because if you're not going to use it,
395
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:29,110
what is it?
396
00:12:29,110 --> 00:12:30,910
If it's not art art in your closet,
397
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:31,900
in your closet,
398
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,430
in your house that only you see,
399
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:35,050
but it's beautiful and it makes you happy.
400
00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:36,340
Okay. And you okay.
401
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,020
Clearly. Oh,
402
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:40,000
let me slight disclaimer,
403
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,450
slight side note is that I know that some people who
404
00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:47,710
have money triggers will justify these things by saying something like
405
00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,480
maybe you see somebody in a big fancy car and you're
406
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:49,990
like, oh,
407
00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:51,670
they're probably up to their eyeballs in debt.
408
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:52,120
You know,
409
00:12:53,050 --> 00:12:57,010
people use that excuse so that they don't have to face
410
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,230
the reality that people actually have money.
411
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:02,800
So I do not believe that she's up to her eyeballs
412
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:03,100
in debt.
413
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:06,370
I 100% believe that she paid cash for this and she
414
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:07,270
has the money to do it.
415
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,470
So, you know,
416
00:13:08,650 --> 00:13:11,290
I have a friend that she'll see somebody with a car
417
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:11,710
and she'll be like,
418
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,870
well, they're probably in debt will,
419
00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:16,090
But maybe not letting them yeah.
420
00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:18,580
It's letting her off the hook of Right.
421
00:13:18,610 --> 00:13:19,900
It's like an excuse.
422
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,390
Like, cause you can't face the truth.
423
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:23,490
Right. So I,
424
00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:25,060
I believe she has the money to do this.
425
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:27,250
So it's not like her kids are going to go hungry
426
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:28,840
and she's up to her eyeballs in debt.
427
00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:30,550
I think she probably just paid for it.
428
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,530
So I'm sorry.
429
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:33,520
I'm laughing.
430
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,230
I'm sitting here at my desk and I'm laughing and I'm
431
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:35,570
like, okay,
432
00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:37,150
okay, Well what's going on?
433
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,920
What are you making this mean in your head?
434
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:40,990
Like what are you saying about,
435
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:42,820
about her or it,
436
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:44,650
or just the whole situation,
437
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:45,880
but you're like,
438
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:46,150
all right,
439
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:46,870
this is unhealthy.
440
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:50,050
Yeah. If I'm being honest and I understand that this is
441
00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:50,620
my issue,
442
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,270
not hers and this does not paint me in a good
443
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:53,590
light, but I'm thinking that's stupid.
444
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:55,270
Yeah. I'm thinking that is,
445
00:13:55,630 --> 00:13:57,550
You're judging the purchase of a hundred percent.
446
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,160
It's similar.
447
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:05,320
We had this conversation a couple episodes ago about it was
448
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:08,470
the person with the big house we were watching on something
449
00:14:10,690 --> 00:14:14,830
It's unnecessary and it's excessive and aren't there more important things.
450
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,700
I'm jus total judgment,
451
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:21,430
a hundred percent judgment because it triggered me and I don't
452
00:14:21,430 --> 00:14:22,610
understand it.
453
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,070
And I don't like it.
454
00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:26,160
So I started asking myself,
455
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,620
well, is that true?
456
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:31,350
Right? And or are you just on some level jealous of
457
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:34,620
something you don't have the ability to do?
458
00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:37,800
Whether or not I would buy a purse is not the
459
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:38,590
point. Like,
460
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,350
because if I had Drop $35,000,
461
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:43,300
so something that makes you feel good that you can correct.
462
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,370
Right. I don't,
463
00:14:45,370 --> 00:14:46,090
I don't have that.
464
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:46,990
I couldn't do that.
465
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,270
And so I th I think,
466
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,740
well, I just had to buy a car.
467
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:51,170
I would've it,
468
00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:51,320
you know,
469
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,370
if I had $35,000,
470
00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:53,240
I would just buy a car,
471
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:53,540
you know,
472
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:54,080
I would have,
473
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,430
but that would be practical.
474
00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:56,570
So to me,
475
00:14:56,570 --> 00:14:58,100
it's impractical.
476
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,320
It's stupid.
477
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,220
It's excessive.
478
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:01,760
It's. I mean,
479
00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:03,110
I'm just like you name it.
480
00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:04,760
That was what was going through my mind.
481
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,310
I caught all of those thoughts and I knew it.
482
00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:08,150
And I was laughing.
483
00:15:08,180 --> 00:15:09,950
Like, you know,
484
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:17,270
I could have heard the internal dialogue that was going on
485
00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:18,800
in my now less than somebody might say,
486
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:19,670
Heather, wait a minute.
487
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:21,110
If you are having a conversation with yourself,
488
00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:22,280
isn't it a monologue?
489
00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:22,680
No, no,
490
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:27,260
no. There's two voices that I often ask people when I'm
491
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:27,770
coaching them.
492
00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:28,040
I'm like,
493
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,690
do you ever have a conversation in your head?
494
00:15:29,690 --> 00:15:30,950
And of course they say yes.
495
00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:31,910
And I say,
496
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:34,520
well, then who's doing the talking and who's doing the listening.
497
00:15:36,290 --> 00:15:37,220
Which of that is you?
498
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:38,840
So it was a hundred percent of dialogue.
499
00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:39,440
It was like,
500
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:40,640
you know,
501
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,390
you're judging,
502
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:42,230
this is judgmental.
503
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:45,620
Yeah. I'm judging because a $35,000
504
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:46,880
used purse to sit on your shelf,
505
00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:48,770
like makes absolutely no sense to me.
506
00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:51,290
So I'm processing this.
507
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:52,730
And then she says,
508
00:15:52,790 --> 00:15:54,470
oh, I also want to talk about the gift I got
509
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,340
from my husband.
510
00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:57,620
Okay. All right.
511
00:15:57,710 --> 00:16:00,290
So I knew something was coming in the driveway with a
512
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:04,040
bow. I think she got that last year.
513
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,640
Yeah. It was a BMW.
514
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:08,090
But anyway,
515
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,670
so that she holds up her hand and she said,
516
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,470
I got another,
517
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:14,480
another upgrade on my ring.
518
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,030
So this is her second diamond upgrade on her ring.
519
00:16:17,690 --> 00:16:19,100
And she said,
520
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,510
I started out with a two care.
521
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:23,600
We upgraded to a three care a couple of years ago,
522
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,940
but this year he got me a four carat.
523
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:28,190
How big was that sucker?
524
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:30,980
No, it doesn't even balance.
525
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:32,690
It gets top heavy and falls over,
526
00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:33,050
you know,
527
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:34,040
like she was fixing it.
528
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,370
She did not share the price of that,
529
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,770
but she did share the quality,
530
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,330
the cut and the color.
531
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:42,560
So of course,
532
00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:47,870
of course I did in the general range for that size.
533
00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,060
And what she described is about 25,000.
534
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:53,750
Okay. So I'm sitting here thinking,
535
00:16:53,810 --> 00:16:54,050
I mean,
536
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,310
I'm not a math genius,
537
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:57,260
but I can add 25 and 35.
538
00:16:57,260 --> 00:17:01,730
Right. And I'm like $60,000
539
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:02,390
now, listen,
540
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:04,490
I don't know what your budget is for Christmas,
541
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,280
but my budget is usually between one and $2,000
542
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,120
for everything.
543
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:12,770
And I'm thinking her gifts alone were $60,000.
544
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:15,710
And she's like,
545
00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:16,100
to me,
546
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,360
she's like a normal person,
547
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,680
but obviously he does very well.
548
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:19,190
And as wealthy,
549
00:17:19,190 --> 00:17:19,370
you know?
550
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:21,530
So what does that say about people who are,
551
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:22,070
you know,
552
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,540
the next level above that,
553
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:24,260
what they're doing,
554
00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:26,030
but that's not okay.
555
00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:26,870
That's not even the point.
556
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:27,350
It's like,
557
00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:29,720
I'm judging this so hard.
558
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,130
I'm irritated.
559
00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:31,910
I'm jealous.
560
00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:32,210
You know,
561
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:34,100
actually I heard a quote recently,
562
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:36,410
it might've been Mel Robbins who said,
563
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:37,190
oh, I don't know.
564
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:38,360
It could have been Bernay brown.
565
00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:42,500
That jealousy is sometimes just a clue as to something you
566
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:47,860
want. So it doesn't have to be in a negative science.
567
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:48,110
It just,
568
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:50,760
it's just triggering something you don't have.
569
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:51,560
I do not.
570
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:54,720
It's an emotional guidance system,
571
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:55,620
really? Like,
572
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,690
I'm jealous about this.
573
00:17:58,380 --> 00:17:59,010
Oh, okay.
574
00:17:59,010 --> 00:18:03,300
It's it's when you stay in that space that it becomes
575
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:06,510
destructive. But having those thoughts where human,
576
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:07,650
of course,
577
00:18:07,650 --> 00:18:10,110
you're going to have that occasionally it's if you choose to
578
00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:11,670
stay there or if you choose to say,
579
00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:13,230
oh, what does this mean?
580
00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:13,790
Or what,
581
00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:15,420
what, what can I take from this?
582
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,930
And I'm thinking what it means is that I wish I
583
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,660
had more money to just do whatever I wanted with just,
584
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,080
you know,
585
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,980
like if I wanted something it's not the diamond or the
586
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,900
Hermes bag airbeds,
587
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,930
okay. It's not the air mez bag or the diamond that
588
00:18:30,930 --> 00:18:31,350
I want.
589
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:31,740
It's the,
590
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:34,470
I want the cash money in my bank.
591
00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:35,580
So that I could,
592
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:38,820
That was my question for you say you had,
593
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:39,090
you know,
594
00:18:39,090 --> 00:18:39,720
win the lottery,
595
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:40,230
whatever you have,
596
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:42,480
$60,000 today and your lap,
597
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,830
everything else is taken care of Oregon's is paid your car.
598
00:18:46,830 --> 00:18:48,570
Like you don't need any,
599
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:50,370
you don't need to use that money for anything.
600
00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:51,960
What would you do with it?
601
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:53,010
Oh, wow.
602
00:18:54,180 --> 00:18:54,780
You know,
603
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,730
I'm hesitating because I don't know.
604
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,210
And that,
605
00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,570
and I know that that's dangerous ground because if you don't
606
00:19:00,570 --> 00:19:02,340
know and you can't dream,
607
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,420
you'll never have it.
608
00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:06,810
Like you have to be able to imagine it because when
609
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:07,440
you first said it,
610
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:07,770
I was like,
611
00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:10,320
well, I'd buy a car or I buy Craig a car
612
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,370
or my parents a car.
613
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,090
And you're like,
614
00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:13,080
Nope, you have a car.
615
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:13,830
Or the house is Tate.
616
00:19:13,830 --> 00:19:15,360
Like, there's nothing that you,
617
00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:16,050
you know,
618
00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:16,740
there's no diet,
619
00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:20,010
you just have 60 K what would you do?
620
00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:22,680
And current Heather would probably just,
621
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:23,280
you know,
622
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,390
put it in an investment,
623
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:25,350
leave it in the blank.
624
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:28,490
Yeah. Yeah.
625
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,970
Which is kind of what she's done.
626
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:31,530
She's just staring on it in her closet.
627
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:33,810
'cause she said,
628
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,520
I might sell it in the future.
629
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:35,880
She's like,
630
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,230
cause they hold their value.
631
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:37,920
I guess they're like,
632
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:39,390
they're like Honda's or something.
633
00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:39,900
I don't know.
634
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:43,110
I, when I think this,
635
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,990
I think it comes down to a slight bit of a
636
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:52,650
value conflict because you definitely are someone that wants to save,
637
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:53,130
you know,
638
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:53,670
there's no,
639
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:54,960
there's no right or wrong,
640
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:55,530
you know,
641
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:59,670
but you feel more secure with X number of dollars in
642
00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:01,680
the bank or paying down the mortgage or,
643
00:20:01,710 --> 00:20:02,100
you know,
644
00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:08,220
having this rainy day fund where she may or may not,
645
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:08,940
she might have it.
646
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:09,630
She might not,
647
00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:11,100
but this is,
648
00:20:11,550 --> 00:20:11,850
you know,
649
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:12,780
it's just a different,
650
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:14,100
a different place.
651
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,030
People want to spend their money,
652
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:18,080
Definitely a value conflict.
653
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,250
You're a hundred percent right.
654
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,930
About where would I spend that money?
655
00:20:20,930 --> 00:20:22,130
How would I spend that money?
656
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,720
What is deemed,
657
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:24,350
you know,
658
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,390
quote appropriate.
659
00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:27,530
What's excessive.
660
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:28,040
What's not,
661
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,930
but everybody has a different measure.
662
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,430
And I recognize all of this and I'm just wondering like,
663
00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:38,780
how, how do I process this?
664
00:20:39,830 --> 00:20:41,720
Okay. I called it a good for me.
665
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:45,140
Right? How do I process this in a healthy way?
666
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,340
So that,
667
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:49,000
because here's my concern is I know that having those thoughts
668
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,100
is blocking me for money a hundred percent.
669
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,710
Yes. Before we go there,
670
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,720
though, when you were saying like,
671
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,530
it's excessive,
672
00:20:56,530 --> 00:20:57,460
it's frivolous.
673
00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:00,850
I would venture to say the people that worked on that
674
00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:02,890
bag that are employed by that company,
675
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:07,780
do not think that purchases frivolous or that feeds their family.
676
00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:10,300
Right. Absolutely different,
677
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:11,230
different perspective,
678
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,330
different perspective.
679
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:14,800
Yeah. I just,
680
00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:18,820
I guess we don't like things that we don't understand.
681
00:21:19,390 --> 00:21:20,290
Yeah. No,
682
00:21:20,290 --> 00:21:25,060
that, and I think it's because your value of saving is
683
00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:29,050
so ingrained when you see something that in your opinion is
684
00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:32,470
opposite of that human nature is to judge that as wrong,
685
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,720
or my way is better,
686
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,550
or my way is better for me,
687
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,880
but it's still a judgment attached to it.
688
00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:43,180
So as far as getting over it,
689
00:21:43,180 --> 00:21:43,360
I mean,
690
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:44,770
I think the first one is noticing,
691
00:21:44,830 --> 00:21:46,000
oh, you know,
692
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:46,630
and then asking,
693
00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:47,530
why am I judging?
694
00:21:47,530 --> 00:21:50,890
And is it truly as simple as it's a value conflict?
695
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:55,360
And I can't fathom spending that much money on something frivolous,
696
00:21:55,780 --> 00:21:58,120
but maybe where is your,
697
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,490
like how much money can you spend on something frivolous?
698
00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:01,210
It used to be,
699
00:22:01,210 --> 00:22:01,510
for me,
700
00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:04,570
I had a hard time spending 10 or $20 on flowers
701
00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:05,470
at the farmer's market.
702
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,600
Right. Like really hard time.
703
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:12,280
Like there's just kind of die 20 bucks.
704
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,250
I enjoy it.
705
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,210
So where like,
706
00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:18,340
where's your current threshold for that?
707
00:22:18,340 --> 00:22:20,230
Because with all things money,
708
00:22:20,710 --> 00:22:22,720
you and I have seen this happen for the business for
709
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,350
years. Like,
710
00:22:23,890 --> 00:22:25,780
as you were first making money,
711
00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:27,400
you first have the couple of expenses.
712
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,230
It's kind of the same thing with photography sales,
713
00:22:29,230 --> 00:22:30,970
you get your first sale to a thousand dollars.
714
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:31,330
You're like,
715
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:32,050
oh my God.
716
00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:33,280
And then you get a $2,000
717
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:33,640
sale. You're like,
718
00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:34,240
oh my God.
719
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,350
And then a $5,000
720
00:22:35,350 --> 00:22:37,390
sale. And all of a sudden that thousand dollars sale is
721
00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:38,260
no big deal.
722
00:22:38,350 --> 00:22:42,640
Right. So you're moving that comfort level of the ladder.
723
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:45,790
So where's your current comfort level on a frivolous,
724
00:22:46,450 --> 00:22:49,840
like ridiculous just for Heather expense.
725
00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:51,950
Okay. That's a great question.
726
00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:54,530
Thank you for asking it because I'm thinking I'm nowhere near
727
00:22:54,530 --> 00:22:58,160
$30,000, $35.
728
00:22:58,430 --> 00:23:00,410
I can Handle probably,
729
00:23:00,410 --> 00:23:00,770
you know,
730
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:01,460
here's a good one,
731
00:23:01,490 --> 00:23:02,240
a couple of hundred,
732
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,170
maybe up to 500.
733
00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:03,830
Here's one.
734
00:23:04,220 --> 00:23:04,790
My car,
735
00:23:04,790 --> 00:23:07,010
when I bought my car did not have heated seats and
736
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,020
I was used to heated seats and I live in Pittsburgh.
737
00:23:09,350 --> 00:23:12,020
So they told me that they can install heated seats for
738
00:23:12,020 --> 00:23:16,430
$500. And when he first said that to me,
739
00:23:16,460 --> 00:23:18,980
my initial reaction was go do it.
740
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:19,760
Let's schedule it.
741
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,350
Like, I love heated seats.
742
00:23:21,530 --> 00:23:21,950
You know,
743
00:23:22,130 --> 00:23:24,050
I actually just haven't made the appointment yet,
744
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:28,070
but $500 for something like that to me is like,
745
00:23:28,430 --> 00:23:29,480
okay, I can do that.
746
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:30,110
I can do.
747
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:32,570
So I'm thinking it's probably in that range.
748
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,050
If you start talking in the thousands,
749
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,870
I get a little twitchy.
750
00:23:39,620 --> 00:23:39,890
All right.
751
00:23:39,890 --> 00:23:43,340
Does it change if it's something for you and your family?
752
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:46,160
Absolutely. If it's like,
753
00:23:46,340 --> 00:23:47,300
like an experience,
754
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:48,950
like a Vacation or so yeah.
755
00:23:49,910 --> 00:23:52,220
Experience vacation is my love language,
756
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:52,650
but yeah,
757
00:23:52,970 --> 00:23:53,330
for sure.
758
00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:57,530
Absolutely. I would spend thousands.
759
00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:00,290
Yeah. Because it's for the family and it's like,
760
00:24:01,770 --> 00:24:02,540
isn't it funny?
761
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:03,320
I see what you're doing here,
762
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:03,650
by the way.
763
00:24:03,830 --> 00:24:04,610
Isn't it funny how,
764
00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:05,480
like you,
765
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:12,200
you assign meaning to what something is based on your own
766
00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,600
lens, your own judgment,
767
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,530
your own position.
768
00:24:15,530 --> 00:24:16,220
So if it's just,
769
00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:16,730
for me,
770
00:24:16,730 --> 00:24:17,150
it's like,
771
00:24:17,210 --> 00:24:20,630
oh, that could be considered frivolous or unnecessary.
772
00:24:20,690 --> 00:24:23,540
And also Society norms makes you selfish.
773
00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:24,770
Yes, yes.
774
00:24:24,770 --> 00:24:25,910
Yes. That makes you selfish.
775
00:24:25,940 --> 00:24:27,050
Yeah. That's a good point.
776
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,930
But if it's for my family and it's an experience,
777
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:30,470
well then I'm,
778
00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:32,870
I'm investing in our relationship.
779
00:24:33,830 --> 00:24:35,060
That's totally different to me.
780
00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:35,420
That's like,
781
00:24:35,450 --> 00:24:35,810
oh yeah.
782
00:24:35,810 --> 00:24:40,010
I would spend several many thousands on an experience for the
783
00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:41,810
family, but I would,
784
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:49,430
I cannot currently wrap my brain around spending more than $39
785
00:24:49,430 --> 00:24:49,910
on a purse,
786
00:24:49,910 --> 00:24:50,840
the $1,200
787
00:24:50,850 --> 00:24:53,540
bags and now 35,200,000.
788
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,770
Like I'm with you.
789
00:24:58,100 --> 00:25:00,860
I, I can tell you right here,
790
00:25:00,860 --> 00:25:03,530
like with 99.9,
791
00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:05,060
repeating forever,
792
00:25:05,090 --> 00:25:08,150
pretty much as close to a hundred percent certainty as possible
793
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:09,590
that I will never,
794
00:25:09,830 --> 00:25:13,880
ever, ever spend a thousand dollars or more on a purse
795
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,100
or shoes Ever.
796
00:25:17,330 --> 00:25:19,610
But I no longer judge it.
797
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,200
I don't know that I ever really judged that.
798
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,850
Wasn't one of my money trigger stories.
799
00:25:23,510 --> 00:25:25,520
I don't judge people that want to,
800
00:25:26,030 --> 00:25:28,550
because I look at as I'm like,
801
00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:30,350
oh, that's their Galapagos trip.
802
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:31,570
Yeah, yeah,
803
00:25:31,570 --> 00:25:35,120
yeah. That's where I'm sure there are people judging me on,
804
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,220
like, you spent how much freaking money to go on a
805
00:25:37,220 --> 00:25:38,690
boat and see some sea lions.
806
00:25:38,750 --> 00:25:41,060
You go to pier 39 in San Francisco.
807
00:25:41,870 --> 00:25:46,190
Like how did the zoo,
808
00:25:48,050 --> 00:25:48,470
you know,
809
00:25:48,470 --> 00:25:50,330
so it's,
810
00:25:50,350 --> 00:25:57,890
it's just a choice of where people find their fulfillment spending
811
00:25:57,950 --> 00:25:58,490
their money.
812
00:25:58,490 --> 00:26:01,100
Because I think if we bring it full circle,
813
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:05,600
like the whole reason we're on this planet is to create
814
00:26:06,140 --> 00:26:10,190
and to feel emotion and to feel joy and to live
815
00:26:10,190 --> 00:26:12,350
into that joy and you know,
816
00:26:12,860 --> 00:26:13,970
and help others really.
817
00:26:13,970 --> 00:26:17,090
So like that joy that helping others also fuels into that
818
00:26:17,090 --> 00:26:19,430
joy. So yeah,
819
00:26:19,460 --> 00:26:19,970
I mean,
820
00:26:20,570 --> 00:26:22,760
right. And you can also start to look at it as
821
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,200
when you buy the expensive purse,
822
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,810
you are helping others because of those people that work for
823
00:26:26,810 --> 00:26:27,590
the purse company.
824
00:26:27,740 --> 00:26:30,950
Right. So really,
825
00:26:31,130 --> 00:26:37,040
I think it's just about like making a new story of
826
00:26:37,790 --> 00:26:39,320
this is what's something,
827
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:39,580
what is,
828
00:26:39,580 --> 00:26:40,910
what's something that you,
829
00:26:41,180 --> 00:26:41,420
I mean,
830
00:26:41,420 --> 00:26:42,980
you said experiences for the family,
831
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,680
but something that's like you spend money on and you're like,
832
00:26:46,770 --> 00:26:47,730
yes, it is.
833
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:49,080
It's your Galapagos for you?
834
00:26:49,170 --> 00:26:50,430
What's your goal?
835
00:26:50,430 --> 00:26:50,700
I mean,
836
00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:52,590
I do like nice vacations.
837
00:26:52,710 --> 00:26:53,790
Yeah, I do.
838
00:26:53,970 --> 00:26:55,140
And I sent her out sushi.
839
00:26:55,710 --> 00:26:56,280
I love my,
840
00:26:56,310 --> 00:26:56,610
oh yeah.
841
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:57,990
I do love me some good sushi.
842
00:26:58,260 --> 00:26:59,100
That is true.
843
00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:02,280
I will drop some money out at a nice sushi restaurant
844
00:27:02,310 --> 00:27:06,210
to eat something that'll be digested in a day.
845
00:27:06,210 --> 00:27:07,530
But yes.
846
00:27:07,740 --> 00:27:09,210
Does it feel like,
847
00:27:09,210 --> 00:27:11,700
can you latch on to that?
848
00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:12,630
Person's her sushi,
849
00:27:12,660 --> 00:27:17,190
sushi or that person's for vacation Business class,
850
00:27:17,250 --> 00:27:17,970
right? Yeah.
851
00:27:18,030 --> 00:27:18,660
Right, right,
852
00:27:18,690 --> 00:27:24,180
right. I can S I can see that logically and I
853
00:27:24,180 --> 00:27:25,530
am getting there.
854
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,930
I think this is a journey.
855
00:27:27,990 --> 00:27:28,410
I think it's,
856
00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:28,800
you know,
857
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,950
like we've had these conversations about money and I was getting
858
00:27:31,950 --> 00:27:35,610
to the point where I was nonjudgmental about people investing in
859
00:27:35,610 --> 00:27:36,780
$1,200 bags.
860
00:27:36,870 --> 00:27:39,480
Like, and that was a stretch for me that took a
861
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:40,440
long time to get there.
862
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,150
But this just took the cake.
863
00:27:42,180 --> 00:27:42,570
I mean,
864
00:27:42,570 --> 00:27:49,550
35,000 was like so far beyond what I can comprehend Something.
865
00:27:49,580 --> 00:27:54,270
I don't think that can be like magically fixed and a
866
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,830
half hour conversation.
867
00:27:56,130 --> 00:28:00,120
But I do want to point out how far you have
868
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:02,460
come and your money journey over the past couple of years,
869
00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:03,300
because you just said like,
870
00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:03,560
you know,
871
00:28:03,660 --> 00:28:05,490
$10,000 or something on a purse.
872
00:28:06,330 --> 00:28:09,270
Do you remember when just three years ago,
873
00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:10,770
spending $10,000
874
00:28:10,770 --> 00:28:17,010
on a continuing education group coaching program made you all kinds
875
00:28:17,010 --> 00:28:18,660
of squirrely reaction.
876
00:28:18,750 --> 00:28:20,550
Yeah. Never forget.
877
00:28:20,550 --> 00:28:22,650
I think now we're going on about four years,
878
00:28:22,650 --> 00:28:24,570
you came to me and you said,
879
00:28:24,570 --> 00:28:26,670
Hey, there's this group coaching program.
880
00:28:26,670 --> 00:28:27,900
It's about 13,000
881
00:28:27,900 --> 00:28:28,200
a year.
882
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,760
So it's about 1100 a month.
883
00:28:30,090 --> 00:28:31,050
And I'm joining it.
884
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,300
This was you because you're ahead of the curve.
885
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:34,260
And I was like,
886
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,220
you're insane.
887
00:28:35,370 --> 00:28:35,880
I don't,
888
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:36,630
I mean,
889
00:28:36,630 --> 00:28:36,990
you know,
890
00:28:36,990 --> 00:28:39,180
cause you and I are fun that way.
891
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:40,620
I would tell you straight to your face,
892
00:28:40,620 --> 00:28:42,270
like, that's the craziest thing I ever heard.
893
00:28:42,270 --> 00:28:43,050
I'm like,
894
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:43,530
that's great.
895
00:28:43,530 --> 00:28:43,950
And you're like,
896
00:28:43,950 --> 00:28:45,000
yeah, I'm going for it.
897
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:46,290
But of course I support you.
898
00:28:46,290 --> 00:28:46,740
Of course,
899
00:28:46,740 --> 00:28:46,980
you know,
900
00:28:47,910 --> 00:28:51,570
you did it for a year and we're working together and
901
00:28:51,570 --> 00:28:52,860
I saw what was happening.
902
00:28:53,220 --> 00:28:57,000
And then we went to an in-person thing together and we
903
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,770
talked about it and I was like,
904
00:28:59,490 --> 00:29:00,150
I'm going to do it.
905
00:29:01,140 --> 00:29:04,110
That was huge for me.
906
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:04,560
I mean,
907
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,120
that was a tremendous leap.
908
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,520
A lot of growth happened in that year.
909
00:29:09,420 --> 00:29:13,410
And now I will never be without a business coach or
910
00:29:13,410 --> 00:29:15,150
mentor or group of some kind.
911
00:29:15,150 --> 00:29:17,850
I will never be without a therapist,
912
00:29:17,910 --> 00:29:19,320
a team like it just,
913
00:29:19,350 --> 00:29:22,200
you just need that type of support to grow because you
914
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:22,440
want to,
915
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:22,770
I mean,
916
00:29:22,770 --> 00:29:25,710
the goal is to grow and learn more and live into
917
00:29:25,740 --> 00:29:26,760
your purpose and your joy.
918
00:29:26,790 --> 00:29:28,200
So yeah,
919
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,320
I have come a long way and it's so funny how
920
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:32,700
I think I'm doing really well.
921
00:29:32,700 --> 00:29:34,350
Right. I'm proud of my progress.
922
00:29:34,350 --> 00:29:36,030
And then I get with that.
923
00:29:37,530 --> 00:29:38,910
I think it's $2,000
924
00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:40,950
on a diamond and a purse can throw anyone for a
925
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:41,740
loop. Again,
926
00:29:41,740 --> 00:29:43,890
no judgment Galapagos.
927
00:29:44,970 --> 00:29:46,090
She has the money to do it.
928
00:29:46,090 --> 00:29:46,720
God bless her.
929
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:47,770
That's awesome.
930
00:29:48,580 --> 00:29:48,910
You know,
931
00:29:48,910 --> 00:29:51,490
and I think a lot of people can take this.
932
00:29:52,300 --> 00:29:56,710
The like the take home thing is really look at what
933
00:29:56,710 --> 00:29:58,210
is going on in your head.
934
00:29:58,210 --> 00:30:01,270
What are you saying to yourself under your breath?
935
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:02,830
When you see this out in the real world,
936
00:30:03,460 --> 00:30:03,940
you know,
937
00:30:03,940 --> 00:30:06,910
when you see the people doing really well,
938
00:30:06,910 --> 00:30:10,960
and is it different when it's Jeff Bezos versus like a
939
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,490
local business person?
940
00:30:12,490 --> 00:30:13,720
That's a good point.
941
00:30:13,870 --> 00:30:17,860
Yeah. It's a different for a YouTuber that you like versus
942
00:30:18,490 --> 00:30:19,720
like, I don't know,
943
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:23,230
developer that just developed all this land behind your house.
944
00:30:23,230 --> 00:30:24,460
Cause it's kind of all the same.
945
00:30:24,910 --> 00:30:25,510
It is.
946
00:30:25,540 --> 00:30:28,390
That's so interesting because now that you say that I'm thinking,
947
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:29,680
I watched this YouTube,
948
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:33,100
cause I really like her and this was good.
949
00:30:33,190 --> 00:30:33,790
This was good.
950
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:34,300
This was good.
951
00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:37,600
That it happened to me via someone that I like,
952
00:30:37,810 --> 00:30:41,290
because it's much easier to brush it off when it's someone
953
00:30:41,290 --> 00:30:41,830
you don't like,
954
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:42,790
Cause you just say,
955
00:30:42,790 --> 00:30:43,690
I don't like that person.
956
00:30:43,690 --> 00:30:46,600
Exactly. So I instantly,
957
00:30:46,780 --> 00:30:49,630
instantly because I really like her instantly.
958
00:30:49,630 --> 00:30:52,720
I knew this was a Heather problem because I,
959
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,580
I, I still watch her stock,
960
00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:55,270
but I,
961
00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:57,070
it triggered me and I was like,
962
00:30:57,100 --> 00:30:59,710
I watched the whole video and then I walked away and
963
00:30:59,710 --> 00:31:00,160
I was like,
964
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:01,900
pacing, like a caged lion.
965
00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:02,380
And I'm like,
966
00:31:02,380 --> 00:31:03,100
what's going on?
967
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:04,000
What's the story?
968
00:31:04,210 --> 00:31:05,110
What are you telling yourself?
969
00:31:05,140 --> 00:31:07,300
What are you making it mean about you?
970
00:31:07,540 --> 00:31:08,050
And you know,
971
00:31:08,110 --> 00:31:10,450
it's funny if you really follow the rabbit trail,
972
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:11,200
it's like,
973
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:12,520
well, I'm,
974
00:31:12,580 --> 00:31:14,500
I wish I had $60,000
975
00:31:14,590 --> 00:31:16,150
to do whatever I wanted with her just sitting in the
976
00:31:16,150 --> 00:31:17,710
bank. But wait,
977
00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:18,190
it gets better,
978
00:31:18,190 --> 00:31:21,310
Nicole, but this is happening at the sub level.
979
00:31:21,310 --> 00:31:22,420
I wasn't consciously thinking.
980
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:23,800
I'll just explore it later.
981
00:31:24,460 --> 00:31:25,420
Okay. But I don't,
982
00:31:26,380 --> 00:31:27,340
what does that mean about me?
983
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:31,630
I don't have she's much younger than me.
984
00:31:31,810 --> 00:31:33,820
So like as of age matters.
985
00:31:33,820 --> 00:31:34,690
Right. Okay.
986
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:35,740
Which it doesn't.
987
00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:38,710
So why do I not have 60,000?
988
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,410
Because I'm slow.
989
00:31:41,590 --> 00:31:42,640
I'm a loser.
990
00:31:42,730 --> 00:31:43,540
I'm dumb.
991
00:31:43,630 --> 00:31:44,830
I haven't figured it out.
992
00:31:44,860 --> 00:31:46,060
Why does everybody else have it?
993
00:31:46,060 --> 00:31:46,630
Not me.
994
00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:47,680
I'm the idiot.
995
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,170
Like you get into a shame spiral is what that is.
996
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:52,630
Because you start telling yourself a story about what it means
997
00:31:53,170 --> 00:31:55,720
that the issue is that most people,
998
00:31:55,750 --> 00:31:56,290
first of all,
999
00:31:56,290 --> 00:31:57,370
catch the trigger,
1000
00:31:57,460 --> 00:32:02,530
but then second really dig deep to explore what the story
1001
00:32:02,530 --> 00:32:06,370
is or the belief that you're telling yourself about what it
1002
00:32:06,370 --> 00:32:07,750
means about you.
1003
00:32:07,870 --> 00:32:08,860
So it was first like,
1004
00:32:08,890 --> 00:32:09,730
oh, I'm triggered by this.
1005
00:32:09,730 --> 00:32:10,540
This is excessive.
1006
00:32:10,540 --> 00:32:11,140
I don't like that.
1007
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,090
Value conflict check,
1008
00:32:13,270 --> 00:32:14,080
like alert.
1009
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,410
And then I entered the shame spiral of like,
1010
00:32:17,410 --> 00:32:18,940
but I don't have $60,000
1011
00:32:18,940 --> 00:32:19,420
laying around.
1012
00:32:19,420 --> 00:32:20,230
Why, why not?
1013
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:22,630
I'm a loser.
1014
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,510
I should have all that money.
1015
00:32:25,690 --> 00:32:26,500
And I don't.
1016
00:32:26,500 --> 00:32:27,550
So what's that mean about me?
1017
00:32:27,550 --> 00:32:28,270
I'm behind,
1018
00:32:28,270 --> 00:32:28,840
I'm behind.
1019
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,130
And then it becomes comparative.
1020
00:32:30,370 --> 00:32:34,390
It just enters into really dangerous,
1021
00:32:34,450 --> 00:32:35,740
unhealthy territory.
1022
00:32:35,740 --> 00:32:39,260
And the problem is most people are completely unaware that it's
1023
00:32:39,260 --> 00:32:40,640
happening. Yeah.
1024
00:32:40,730 --> 00:32:42,590
And how you just explained,
1025
00:32:42,980 --> 00:32:48,950
I think happens a lot with our photographers because they get
1026
00:32:48,950 --> 00:32:52,010
into a shame spiral comparing somebody that's been in business for
1027
00:32:52,010 --> 00:32:54,200
10 years when they've been in business for 10 months,
1028
00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:58,400
they get into a shame spiral of their sales are,
1029
00:32:58,400 --> 00:32:58,760
you know,
1030
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,510
are lower than what they wanted to be or one client
1031
00:33:02,540 --> 00:33:05,240
that didn't purchase what they wanted to or how to challenging
1032
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,300
client means that I am not come out kind of out
1033
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:08,720
for this.
1034
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,430
I might as well just close up shop.
1035
00:33:10,430 --> 00:33:12,410
And there's no way I can do this.
1036
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:13,010
You know,
1037
00:33:13,010 --> 00:33:16,670
you get all of these stories and you know,
1038
00:33:16,670 --> 00:33:20,660
that's on top of having to work through your own money
1039
00:33:20,690 --> 00:33:24,650
BS because if you're running a boutique business,
1040
00:33:25,430 --> 00:33:26,750
it's kind of excessive,
1041
00:33:26,750 --> 00:33:28,130
like the $35,000,
1042
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,310
three to $4,000
1043
00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:33,350
on a photo of your dog,
1044
00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:36,410
a lot of people would label that as success.
1045
00:33:36,850 --> 00:33:37,370
That's true,
1046
00:33:40,180 --> 00:33:42,560
But it's for your clients.
1047
00:33:42,710 --> 00:33:43,070
And you know,
1048
00:33:43,070 --> 00:33:45,140
and I got this message the other day I posted in
1049
00:33:45,140 --> 00:33:48,290
our elevate group from a client that I had five years
1050
00:33:48,290 --> 00:33:51,410
ago that their dog passed away.
1051
00:33:51,410 --> 00:33:52,190
And just like,
1052
00:33:52,220 --> 00:33:52,490
you know,
1053
00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:53,810
it was about a year ago and she's like,
1054
00:33:53,870 --> 00:33:55,430
oh, it's just taken me this long to kind of get
1055
00:33:55,430 --> 00:33:57,320
over and like to start to look at that photo again.
1056
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:58,280
But now that I am,
1057
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,330
it means the world to me,
1058
00:33:59,750 --> 00:33:59,990
I'm like,
1059
00:33:59,990 --> 00:34:00,890
this is this.
1060
00:34:00,950 --> 00:34:02,060
This is why we do,
1061
00:34:02,810 --> 00:34:03,170
you know,
1062
00:34:03,170 --> 00:34:06,260
and it's a long game too.
1063
00:34:06,290 --> 00:34:09,620
The other lesson from that client is I had met them
1064
00:34:10,310 --> 00:34:13,790
when I first started my business at like an event and
1065
00:34:13,790 --> 00:34:14,690
hardware acres.
1066
00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:17,750
So like some little whatever community event.
1067
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,080
And then five years later they had their session.
1068
00:34:21,410 --> 00:34:22,850
And now five years after that,
1069
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,880
they're coming back to me saying how much they just like
1070
00:34:26,060 --> 00:34:27,440
value everything about it.
1071
00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:29,030
Right. So you guys,
1072
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:30,440
this is a long game,
1073
00:34:30,620 --> 00:34:31,520
right? Right.
1074
00:34:31,700 --> 00:34:32,720
Yeah. You're in,
1075
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:33,800
you're on a journey as well.
1076
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:34,130
I mean,
1077
00:34:34,130 --> 00:34:36,830
you you've progressed through that time as well.
1078
00:34:36,830 --> 00:34:40,460
So I think that's important to note because something you said
1079
00:34:40,470 --> 00:34:41,720
a little while ago is like,
1080
00:34:41,720 --> 00:34:43,250
it doesn't happen immediately.
1081
00:34:43,250 --> 00:34:44,990
You're not all of a sudden going to catch these money
1082
00:34:44,990 --> 00:34:46,640
triggers and then solve them.
1083
00:34:46,910 --> 00:34:50,210
And that's probably one of my biggest issues is I go
1084
00:34:50,210 --> 00:34:53,510
into, how do I fix this right now?
1085
00:34:53,660 --> 00:34:54,260
Wait a second,
1086
00:34:54,260 --> 00:34:55,340
Nicole emergency.
1087
00:34:55,340 --> 00:34:56,780
I don't want to feel this way.
1088
00:34:57,020 --> 00:35:00,170
I don't want to have these triggers and I'm not there
1089
00:35:00,170 --> 00:35:01,280
yet. But I'm thinking like,
1090
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,170
okay, next time when something hits me,
1091
00:35:03,590 --> 00:35:06,710
I think the process I started to go through was healthy.
1092
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,990
And then the next part of that is what am I
1093
00:35:08,990 --> 00:35:10,700
making it mean about me?
1094
00:35:11,030 --> 00:35:13,310
And here's enough?
1095
00:35:13,370 --> 00:35:14,000
Oh my gosh,
1096
00:35:14,030 --> 00:35:14,930
this goes so deep.
1097
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:19,040
Because when I have triggered feelings that I don't like,
1098
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,580
I start to judge myself about what a loser I am,
1099
00:35:22,580 --> 00:35:25,250
because I had those feelings to be in with The negative
1100
00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:29,820
feeling. And trust me it's to be positive all the time.
1101
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:30,710
Your human Heather.
1102
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:33,800
Yeah. My therapist told me that yesterday and I said,
1103
00:35:33,890 --> 00:35:34,700
oh, false.
1104
00:35:34,730 --> 00:35:36,080
I'd rather be a robot.
1105
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,200
So she has signed to me multiple times that you go
1106
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,720
into this immediate problem solving mode.
1107
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,550
And then you also,
1108
00:35:44,820 --> 00:35:45,030
you know,
1109
00:35:45,030 --> 00:35:48,810
to compound the issue will not multiply it by then judging
1110
00:35:48,810 --> 00:35:51,660
yourself. Because there were times I caught this.
1111
00:35:51,660 --> 00:35:52,470
I didn't do it this time.
1112
00:35:52,470 --> 00:35:54,090
But there were times when I would have watched a video
1113
00:35:54,090 --> 00:35:55,770
like that had those feelings.
1114
00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:57,630
And then instead of saying,
1115
00:35:57,990 --> 00:35:58,440
oh, okay,
1116
00:35:58,440 --> 00:35:59,370
let's work through something.
1117
00:35:59,370 --> 00:36:00,150
You were triggered,
1118
00:36:00,150 --> 00:36:00,390
blah, blah,
1119
00:36:00,390 --> 00:36:01,380
blah. I would have said,
1120
00:36:01,620 --> 00:36:02,730
why am I such a jerk?
1121
00:36:04,770 --> 00:36:07,590
Why can't I just be happy that somebody could purchase,
1122
00:36:07,620 --> 00:36:08,520
oh, what's wrong with me?
1123
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:09,360
I'm such a jerk.
1124
00:36:09,390 --> 00:36:09,720
You know?
1125
00:36:10,020 --> 00:36:12,420
And then that was a whole nother shame spiral,
1126
00:36:13,230 --> 00:36:15,510
all of this from watching a YouTube video.
1127
00:36:15,510 --> 00:36:16,320
But here's the thing,
1128
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:16,800
you guys,
1129
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,350
this is happening to you on a daily basis with things
1130
00:36:19,350 --> 00:36:22,350
that trigger you and it's going way deeper than you imagine.
1131
00:36:22,350 --> 00:36:23,730
You just have to start because of,
1132
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,430
And you're not even noticing that,
1133
00:36:26,430 --> 00:36:27,330
like the,
1134
00:36:27,630 --> 00:36:29,070
I was reading a book recently,
1135
00:36:30,510 --> 00:36:32,940
gosh, this is the problem with the Kindle.
1136
00:36:32,940 --> 00:36:36,060
I have no idea what the book was Cover.
1137
00:36:37,140 --> 00:36:37,710
But anyway,
1138
00:36:37,710 --> 00:36:39,240
it was about kind of this mindset.
1139
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:39,960
And it'll come to me,
1140
00:36:39,990 --> 00:36:40,770
I'll let you guys know.
1141
00:36:41,130 --> 00:36:46,500
But it was basically saying that our emotions are truly like
1142
00:36:46,590 --> 00:36:51,000
the best guiding thing that we can look at.
1143
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:54,120
So if you are doing something and you are not feeling
1144
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:54,930
good about it,
1145
00:36:55,470 --> 00:36:58,620
oh, that's telling us that's a clue to look deeper and
1146
00:36:58,620 --> 00:36:59,880
say, okay,
1147
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,840
why, why am I feeling these kinds of more icky?
1148
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,680
Like either judgment or jealousy or shame,
1149
00:37:07,740 --> 00:37:09,900
or like talking down to myself,
1150
00:37:09,990 --> 00:37:10,320
you know?
1151
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:11,010
And we,
1152
00:37:11,490 --> 00:37:13,110
the negative self-talk,
1153
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:14,430
this is,
1154
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:20,550
it's so pervasive in quiet that you don't even know it's
1155
00:37:20,550 --> 00:37:21,840
there. You know,
1156
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,090
it's not like you're standing in front of the mirror saying,
1157
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,620
oh, look at that gut.
1158
00:37:25,620 --> 00:37:26,550
It's disgusting.
1159
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:31,080
But saying that in your head quietly,
1160
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,730
whenever you're getting in the shower,
1161
00:37:32,940 --> 00:37:33,330
you know,
1162
00:37:33,330 --> 00:37:35,820
or whenever you're putting your price list together.
1163
00:37:35,850 --> 00:37:38,490
And you're just like that little voice back there is like,
1164
00:37:39,030 --> 00:37:39,540
who are you?
1165
00:37:39,540 --> 00:37:40,170
You clown,
1166
00:37:40,230 --> 00:37:42,300
no one is going to pay that you idiot.
1167
00:37:42,750 --> 00:37:43,260
Like, you know,
1168
00:37:43,260 --> 00:37:44,730
you're not to yourself,
1169
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:45,690
but you are,
1170
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:49,200
if you are feeling like,
1171
00:37:49,950 --> 00:37:53,970
ah, just kind of resistance to doing something like that.
1172
00:37:54,090 --> 00:37:55,620
That means there is a voice in there.
1173
00:37:55,620 --> 00:37:57,000
So better get quiet,
1174
00:37:57,030 --> 00:37:59,550
ask what it is and then try to figure out like,
1175
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:00,000
all right,
1176
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,020
where's that coming from?
1177
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:02,550
Is it trying to keep me safe?
1178
00:38:02,580 --> 00:38:05,520
Because it doesn't want me to get rejected,
1179
00:38:05,940 --> 00:38:08,670
which is often where our friends and family that are like,
1180
00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:09,480
you're crazy.
1181
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:10,830
You can't charge that much.
1182
00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:13,800
They're just trying to protect us because they don't know what's
1183
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,410
possible. So yeah.
1184
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,290
Watch. And for anyone who's thinking,
1185
00:38:19,350 --> 00:38:21,000
oh, I have a pretty good handle on that.
1186
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:21,690
I don't have negative.
1187
00:38:21,690 --> 00:38:23,130
Self-talk please learn from me.
1188
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,240
About three years ago,
1189
00:38:24,420 --> 00:38:26,250
I had a friend asked me that question and I know
1190
00:38:26,250 --> 00:38:27,480
this because it's on record.
1191
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:27,780
It's a,
1192
00:38:27,850 --> 00:38:28,890
it's a recorded video.
1193
00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:30,390
And I watched it the other day and she said to
1194
00:38:30,390 --> 00:38:31,020
me directly,
1195
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:32,880
how do you feel about your self-talk?
1196
00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:33,390
And I was like,
1197
00:38:33,420 --> 00:38:33,990
oh, I'm great.
1198
00:38:34,380 --> 00:38:36,310
I'm I don't have a problem with that.
1199
00:38:36,310 --> 00:38:37,900
I, I speak to myself,
1200
00:38:37,900 --> 00:38:40,270
like I'm aware I handle it.
1201
00:38:40,270 --> 00:38:41,290
And I watched that now.
1202
00:38:41,290 --> 00:38:41,950
So three years,
1203
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,470
it might even been four years ago and I laughed out
1204
00:38:44,470 --> 00:38:45,400
loud and I'm like,
1205
00:38:45,820 --> 00:38:52,300
Heather. So naive that self talk exactly what you just described.
1206
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:54,490
I was not standing in front of the mirror telling myself
1207
00:38:54,490 --> 00:38:55,060
I was an idiot.
1208
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,190
Right. Was so quiet.
1209
00:38:57,610 --> 00:39:00,130
It was so beneath the surface.
1210
00:39:00,610 --> 00:39:03,250
I didn't consciously hear it,
1211
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:04,150
but it was,
1212
00:39:04,540 --> 00:39:07,210
yeah. My therapist has helped me to see this a little
1213
00:39:07,210 --> 00:39:13,090
more clearly that I am incredibly ridiculously hard on myself.
1214
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,180
Always calling myself like stupid or idiot or like,
1215
00:39:16,180 --> 00:39:17,170
how could you not know that?
1216
00:39:17,170 --> 00:39:18,160
Or why are you not there?
1217
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,070
Or you should be this constant late.
1218
00:39:21,090 --> 00:39:22,360
And I didn't even know it.
1219
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:26,650
So it's something that everybody needs to check because do you
1220
00:39:26,650 --> 00:39:27,190
do that?
1221
00:39:27,190 --> 00:39:27,820
Are you like,
1222
00:39:27,820 --> 00:39:28,600
what's your status?
1223
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:29,320
Don't say you don't.
1224
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,240
Okay. Because I do.
1225
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:32,530
And I was just going to say like,
1226
00:39:32,530 --> 00:39:34,330
I'm starting to catch it more,
1227
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,070
not so much with like,
1228
00:39:36,220 --> 00:39:36,880
cause it takes,
1229
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,090
it takes a lot for me to feel like bad.
1230
00:39:40,090 --> 00:39:41,950
I'm not saying don't feel bad.
1231
00:39:41,950 --> 00:39:42,910
Or I get in these funks,
1232
00:39:42,910 --> 00:39:43,780
I do human.
1233
00:39:44,260 --> 00:39:45,610
But for me,
1234
00:39:45,610 --> 00:39:47,110
the, that quiet voice,
1235
00:39:47,140 --> 00:39:48,010
that quiet,
1236
00:39:48,310 --> 00:39:50,620
negative self-talk manifested resistance.
1237
00:39:52,150 --> 00:39:54,280
It, it kind of manifests in,
1238
00:39:54,940 --> 00:39:58,840
gosh, I've really got to like put this copy together for
1239
00:39:58,840 --> 00:39:59,710
this page.
1240
00:39:59,710 --> 00:40:03,700
Or like redo this price list or do like do something.
1241
00:40:03,700 --> 00:40:04,450
And it's just like,
1242
00:40:04,630 --> 00:40:08,080
it feels heavy and it feels hard.
1243
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:13,090
And that's usually because somewhere in that super dark corner of
1244
00:40:13,090 --> 00:40:15,880
my subconscious is saying like,
1245
00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:17,440
yeah, because you suck at this.
1246
00:40:17,650 --> 00:40:18,640
Yeah. You can't do it.
1247
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:19,660
Right. Yeah.
1248
00:40:19,690 --> 00:40:21,730
Loser, somebody else should be doing it.
1249
00:40:21,790 --> 00:40:22,560
Right. Why do you,
1250
00:40:22,610 --> 00:40:25,270
who, who do you think you are to be writing?
1251
00:40:25,450 --> 00:40:26,500
That kind of copy?
1252
00:40:26,650 --> 00:40:28,630
Yeah, it does manifest and resistance.
1253
00:40:28,660 --> 00:40:30,760
And also for me sometimes inaction,
1254
00:40:32,230 --> 00:40:33,700
there are things I won't do.
1255
00:40:33,910 --> 00:40:34,270
And I,
1256
00:40:34,690 --> 00:40:35,200
but I don't.
1257
00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:37,510
Oh, I don't recognize that.
1258
00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:38,170
It's all,
1259
00:40:38,590 --> 00:40:40,180
it's all this internal.
1260
00:40:40,180 --> 00:40:41,950
But I said to Craig recently,
1261
00:40:41,950 --> 00:40:42,340
I'm like,
1262
00:40:42,670 --> 00:40:44,080
ah, I'm in a prison of mine.
1263
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:46,600
Like I built it,
1264
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:46,990
you know?
1265
00:40:46,990 --> 00:40:47,680
And it's true.
1266
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:52,390
I think to some degree we all are like trying to
1267
00:40:52,390 --> 00:40:53,800
catch these things.
1268
00:40:54,370 --> 00:40:54,640
You know?
1269
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,140
You don't know what you don't know.
1270
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:57,760
You're just not aware of it.
1271
00:40:58,470 --> 00:41:00,790
It is a continued oh gosh,
1272
00:41:01,060 --> 00:41:02,110
Forever and ever.
1273
00:41:03,100 --> 00:41:04,060
But it does get easier.
1274
00:41:04,690 --> 00:41:06,620
Yeah. You start to the first step first.
1275
00:41:06,780 --> 00:41:08,080
I said this at the beginning of the episode,
1276
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:11,050
first hop is catch that you're being triggered and recognize that
1277
00:41:11,050 --> 00:41:12,670
it's not because of the other person.
1278
00:41:12,970 --> 00:41:14,710
Yeah. They didn't do anything to you.
1279
00:41:14,770 --> 00:41:17,440
Right. Even if they did you feel that they did,
1280
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:17,890
they didn't,
1281
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:18,460
this is,
1282
00:41:18,850 --> 00:41:19,990
this is your reaction.
1283
00:41:19,990 --> 00:41:20,980
This is a me problem.
1284
00:41:20,980 --> 00:41:22,480
This is my reaction to that.
1285
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:23,800
What's going on with me.
1286
00:41:24,010 --> 00:41:26,920
And don't judge yourself for feeling it because you are human.
1287
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:28,630
Like it's totally human to feel that,
1288
00:41:28,900 --> 00:41:30,220
but explore it.
1289
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:34,160
It explored in a way that's healthy so that you process
1290
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,890
it and maybe just do a little bit better.
1291
00:41:36,890 --> 00:41:38,240
Next time my therapist says,
1292
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:39,890
because I go into solution mode,
1293
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,160
I want the next time to go like perfectly smoothly,
1294
00:41:43,310 --> 00:41:44,270
completely finished.
1295
00:41:44,450 --> 00:41:45,110
And she said,
1296
00:41:45,110 --> 00:41:46,460
it's more like a dial.
1297
00:41:46,610 --> 00:41:48,440
Like, could you just dial it in?
1298
00:41:48,470 --> 00:41:49,190
Like, could you,
1299
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:49,640
you know,
1300
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,590
if you were at a level 10 last time,
1301
00:41:51,590 --> 00:41:53,180
could you bring that down to a level eight?
1302
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:53,810
You know?
1303
00:41:53,810 --> 00:41:56,660
So it's not going from like 10 to zero because of
1304
00:41:56,660 --> 00:41:59,180
the, The jail analogy,
1305
00:42:00,130 --> 00:42:03,830
many things Down or dial it up depending on,
1306
00:42:03,830 --> 00:42:04,070
you know,
1307
00:42:04,070 --> 00:42:05,870
what you're trying to achieve in my case,
1308
00:42:05,870 --> 00:42:07,190
I'm trying to dial it down.
1309
00:42:07,340 --> 00:42:07,730
She said,
1310
00:42:07,730 --> 00:42:10,220
if you think that you're going to go from 10 to
1311
00:42:10,220 --> 00:42:12,980
zero, you are setting yourself up for disappointment because that is
1312
00:42:12,980 --> 00:42:14,630
an expectation that cannot be met.
1313
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:16,370
So instead,
1314
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:16,910
could you say,
1315
00:42:16,910 --> 00:42:20,120
okay, I had a reaction like level 10 this time.
1316
00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:22,910
Maybe it's just a nine next time instead of a 10
1317
00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:25,460
and not beating yourself up for not fixing it,
1318
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:26,060
but saying,
1319
00:42:26,090 --> 00:42:29,420
okay, I'm getting a little bit better this a little bit
1320
00:42:29,420 --> 00:42:30,140
better everyday.
1321
00:42:30,350 --> 00:42:31,040
Yup. Yup.
1322
00:42:31,070 --> 00:42:33,290
This actually reminds me of my book that I'm reading is
1323
00:42:33,290 --> 00:42:35,270
asking that it's given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
1324
00:42:36,140 --> 00:42:38,390
And it was talking about that,
1325
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:40,970
that dial and how,
1326
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:41,240
you know,
1327
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,940
we have these emotions that basically kind of tell us where
1328
00:42:43,940 --> 00:42:45,830
we are on this vibration scale.
1329
00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:48,560
And like the lowest is like,
1330
00:42:48,590 --> 00:42:48,860
you know,
1331
00:42:48,860 --> 00:42:49,700
just depression.
1332
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,630
But then a lot of people like once you raise up,
1333
00:42:53,630 --> 00:42:55,130
the next one up is like anger.
1334
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:57,110
So for them to like,
1335
00:42:57,410 --> 00:42:59,090
they're not going to get to 10 overnight.
1336
00:42:59,300 --> 00:42:59,840
Right. It's like,
1337
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:00,080
all right,
1338
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:00,440
let's just,
1339
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:01,610
can we move it to anger?
1340
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,320
But then when they move it to anger,
1341
00:43:03,350 --> 00:43:04,550
their friends and family are like,
1342
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,110
dude, why are you so angry?
1343
00:43:06,110 --> 00:43:07,880
So like pushes them back down to depression,
1344
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:09,230
which I thought was fascinating.
1345
00:43:09,230 --> 00:43:09,890
And one of the hard,
1346
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,470
one of the reasons it's so hard for people,
1347
00:43:12,470 --> 00:43:13,400
if they're at that,
1348
00:43:13,670 --> 00:43:17,240
that place to get out of it because the,
1349
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:19,580
the depression is all internal.
1350
00:43:19,770 --> 00:43:23,210
It's just like externally people don't realize how much is going
1351
00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:23,870
on internally,
1352
00:43:23,870 --> 00:43:24,860
but then to move it up,
1353
00:43:25,070 --> 00:43:26,990
some of that emotion starts to go a little bit more
1354
00:43:26,990 --> 00:43:27,980
external. People are like,
1355
00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:28,670
whoa, dude.
1356
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:31,430
So anyway,
1357
00:43:31,460 --> 00:43:32,480
I just thought it was fascinating.
1358
00:43:32,510 --> 00:43:34,070
It has nothing to do with this conversation.
1359
00:43:35,660 --> 00:43:36,200
You know,
1360
00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:37,250
it's just,
1361
00:43:37,460 --> 00:43:40,220
you're dying to get from zero to 10 or from 10
1362
00:43:40,220 --> 00:43:40,730
to zero.
1363
00:43:40,730 --> 00:43:41,150
It's like,
1364
00:43:41,150 --> 00:43:45,950
can we just change our outlook on this a little bit?
1365
00:43:46,310 --> 00:43:51,470
And can we be cognizant of just what is going on
1366
00:43:51,470 --> 00:43:52,130
under the surface,
1367
00:43:52,130 --> 00:43:53,570
by, by being in touch with them,
1368
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,200
how we're feeling?
1369
00:43:55,070 --> 00:43:56,930
Yeah. What else now that you say that I think maybe
1370
00:43:56,930 --> 00:44:01,010
an exercise I should do like today is to journal about
1371
00:44:01,010 --> 00:44:04,670
it. Like to understand your own feelings is to write.
1372
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,660
Yeah. I want to give you a prompt to have,
1373
00:44:08,720 --> 00:44:11,030
if I had a hundred thousand dollars to spend frivolously,
1374
00:44:11,030 --> 00:44:11,660
how would I do it?
1375
00:44:11,780 --> 00:44:12,770
Oh my Gosh,
1376
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,310
You're going to put yourself on it.
1377
00:44:16,310 --> 00:44:17,420
And you're going to come back to me.
1378
00:44:17,540 --> 00:44:20,960
We're going to have the next Heather episode here.
1379
00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:23,180
Heather's going to spend a hundred dollars on,
1380
00:44:23,450 --> 00:44:23,960
maybe I'll,
1381
00:44:24,020 --> 00:44:25,490
I'll do the same exercise.
1382
00:44:25,490 --> 00:44:27,720
And I know exactly what mine would be.
1383
00:44:28,250 --> 00:44:30,170
Although can it not be traveled with my family?
1384
00:44:30,170 --> 00:44:31,350
It has to be just travel me.
1385
00:44:31,380 --> 00:44:34,530
Yeah. It Has to be something that's so frivolous that you
1386
00:44:34,530 --> 00:44:36,420
can't find a meaning in.
1387
00:44:36,420 --> 00:44:36,960
You know what I mean?
1388
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,010
Like saying,
1389
00:44:38,070 --> 00:44:39,300
oh, well it's for my family.
1390
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:40,620
So I'm creating this experience.
1391
00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:43,350
So it has to be like almost ridiculous,
1392
00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:44,850
Like a horse.
1393
00:44:46,710 --> 00:44:49,380
I feel like that's too practical because,
1394
00:44:51,450 --> 00:44:53,400
Because let's say you have all the horses,
1395
00:44:53,460 --> 00:44:54,120
if okay,
1396
00:44:55,980 --> 00:44:57,660
Give up Morocco and I'm not giving him up.
1397
00:44:58,590 --> 00:44:59,040
Oh no,
1398
00:44:59,040 --> 00:44:59,260
no, no,
1399
00:44:59,280 --> 00:44:59,480
no, no,
1400
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,410
no. Let's say you could have as many horses as you
1401
00:45:01,410 --> 00:45:02,340
want because you have to have them money.
1402
00:45:02,610 --> 00:45:04,320
Then I get practical and I have to like ride all
1403
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:04,860
these horses.
1404
00:45:04,860 --> 00:45:06,360
Take care of How many would you have?
1405
00:45:08,550 --> 00:45:09,060
Yeah. Okay.
1406
00:45:09,090 --> 00:45:10,230
We're going to be a two horse family.
1407
00:45:10,230 --> 00:45:11,370
The Lauren's is going to get her own.
1408
00:45:11,370 --> 00:45:11,790
And then we,
1409
00:45:11,790 --> 00:45:12,240
then we're good.
1410
00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:16,080
We got back up one slack,
1411
00:45:16,090 --> 00:45:16,470
you know,
1412
00:45:16,470 --> 00:45:17,310
a little off the,
1413
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,880
off the injured reserve for like this one,
1414
00:45:21,180 --> 00:45:22,140
but yeah.
1415
00:45:24,780 --> 00:45:25,020
All right.
1416
00:45:25,020 --> 00:45:26,310
I need to come up with this.
1417
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,110
I think this,
1418
00:45:28,110 --> 00:45:30,420
we should challenge our listeners as well.
1419
00:45:30,420 --> 00:45:34,500
If you have Hard buy an investment houses,
1420
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:35,610
that's not frivolous.
1421
00:45:35,670 --> 00:45:37,980
It's an investment that's practical.
1422
00:45:37,990 --> 00:45:40,350
Yeah. To practical.
1423
00:45:40,470 --> 00:45:44,930
Now obviously we're making judgements and scale about what's practical.
1424
00:45:44,940 --> 00:45:46,260
Not, but it can't be,
1425
00:45:46,260 --> 00:45:46,830
let's say,
1426
00:45:46,890 --> 00:45:47,250
you know,
1427
00:45:47,250 --> 00:45:48,660
your house is paid for,
1428
00:45:48,900 --> 00:45:50,490
you have vacation homes,
1429
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,110
you have your cars,
1430
00:45:52,170 --> 00:45:53,340
you have your horses.
1431
00:45:53,340 --> 00:45:53,910
Like you have,
1432
00:45:54,660 --> 00:45:55,650
You don't have like,
1433
00:45:55,650 --> 00:46:00,300
truly this is extra money that you are not allowed to
1434
00:46:00,330 --> 00:46:01,470
put in your retirement,
1435
00:46:01,710 --> 00:46:02,520
pay for your house.
1436
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:03,210
Like all of that stuff.
1437
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,900
Yes. And you can't gift it right.
1438
00:46:07,730 --> 00:46:10,620
Has to be for you To have to think about this.
1439
00:46:10,620 --> 00:46:11,910
We're going to have to record a,
1440
00:46:12,310 --> 00:46:13,800
a little quick bonus.
1441
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,990
So we'll put it on like a Thursday bonus episode of
1442
00:46:15,990 --> 00:46:16,980
like what we would do with her.
1443
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,170
I can promise you,
1444
00:46:19,260 --> 00:46:21,150
I'm not buying one of these air mez bags.
1445
00:46:21,150 --> 00:46:21,870
Not even new.
1446
00:46:24,900 --> 00:46:27,060
No. Oh man.
1447
00:46:29,940 --> 00:46:31,350
This starts to come up for me.
1448
00:46:31,350 --> 00:46:31,830
Cause I'm like,
1449
00:46:31,830 --> 00:46:34,050
well, I would like travel the world,
1450
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,750
but then it leads into guilt of,
1451
00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:37,440
I can't do that.
1452
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:38,010
I have a family.
1453
00:46:38,010 --> 00:46:38,850
I have responsibilities.
1454
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:41,390
Well, that's another issue.
1455
00:46:41,390 --> 00:46:41,750
Isn't it?
1456
00:46:44,810 --> 00:46:48,800
These, these issues are related in interconnected.
1457
00:46:51,720 --> 00:46:53,570
We're going to have to do this in a future episode
1458
00:46:53,570 --> 00:46:55,580
and we just have to talk through it because I'm going
1459
00:46:55,580 --> 00:46:57,590
to, there's going to be all sorts of feeling that this
1460
00:46:57,620 --> 00:46:58,370
more layers there.
1461
00:46:58,430 --> 00:46:59,240
Oh my gosh.
1462
00:46:59,390 --> 00:46:59,870
Well, listen,
1463
00:46:59,870 --> 00:47:03,140
I want to thank you so much for taking this emergency
1464
00:47:03,140 --> 00:47:07,430
SOS call because I really didn't have anyone to turn to,
1465
00:47:07,430 --> 00:47:08,360
to talk about this.
1466
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:09,320
Like in here's what I mean,
1467
00:47:09,460 --> 00:47:12,740
be careful be careful because when I go to my friends
1468
00:47:12,740 --> 00:47:14,360
and family and I share this story,
1469
00:47:14,750 --> 00:47:17,000
all they do is affirm me and agree with me.
1470
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,020
Right, right.
1471
00:47:21,140 --> 00:47:22,040
That's frivolous.
1472
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:23,330
Yeah. You're right.
1473
00:47:23,330 --> 00:47:24,080
And then we just like,
1474
00:47:24,170 --> 00:47:26,150
we just like build on the feet on each other.
1475
00:47:26,390 --> 00:47:29,260
So I knew I wanted to come with you because to
1476
00:47:29,260 --> 00:47:30,580
come to you because you would be like,
1477
00:47:30,610 --> 00:47:31,270
okay, well,
1478
00:47:31,540 --> 00:47:32,950
how can we look at this a different way?
1479
00:47:32,950 --> 00:47:34,810
What's a different story we can tell ourselves,
1480
00:47:35,110 --> 00:47:36,070
is that really?
1481
00:47:36,070 --> 00:47:36,490
Is it,
1482
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,610
is it bad that somebody would do something like that?
1483
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,560
And w w how so,
1484
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:42,520
why and what,
1485
00:47:42,530 --> 00:47:43,510
what are you telling yourself?
1486
00:47:43,510 --> 00:47:45,880
That means it's just great to talk to somebody who can
1487
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,820
look at this from different angles instead of just the affirming.
1488
00:47:48,970 --> 00:47:49,540
Now, listen,
1489
00:47:49,750 --> 00:47:51,670
if you have a trigger and you need,
1490
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:52,120
you know,
1491
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,110
some affirmation,
1492
00:47:53,110 --> 00:47:54,430
okay, go get your affirmation,
1493
00:47:54,430 --> 00:47:55,840
but then go get some real help.
1494
00:47:57,100 --> 00:48:00,040
Post it in our groups and the hair of the dog.
1495
00:48:00,070 --> 00:48:02,830
Cademy and our community tag us,
1496
00:48:03,490 --> 00:48:04,780
man. Let's hear it.
1497
00:48:04,780 --> 00:48:06,070
Love to hear like,
1498
00:48:06,220 --> 00:48:09,760
you love helping you guys get past this stuff and look
1499
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:10,090
at it.
1500
00:48:10,090 --> 00:48:10,930
And the new perspective.
1501
00:48:10,930 --> 00:48:13,180
So let us know,
1502
00:48:13,660 --> 00:48:14,380
oh my gosh,
1503
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,380
Heather, this has been so good.
1504
00:48:17,710 --> 00:48:18,850
I'm so excited.
1505
00:48:19,900 --> 00:48:21,370
Next time this comes up and you'd be like,
1506
00:48:21,370 --> 00:48:22,840
whatever, $35,000.
1507
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:23,290
No problem.
1508
00:48:23,290 --> 00:48:25,690
Someone's going to spend like $350,000
1509
00:48:25,690 --> 00:48:26,770
on something for less than that.
1510
00:48:26,770 --> 00:48:27,820
It's going to be a whole new you're like,
1511
00:48:33,730 --> 00:48:34,330
I love it though.
1512
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:35,350
This isn't so good.
1513
00:48:35,350 --> 00:48:38,110
And I hope you guys have found it helpful as well.
1514
00:48:39,100 --> 00:48:39,730
You know,
1515
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,820
you'll see us again on a future podcast coming up soon
1516
00:48:42,910 --> 00:48:44,380
until then have a great week.
1517
00:48:44,410 --> 00:48:44,860
Talk to you guys.
1518
00:48:44,860 --> 00:48:47,730
Soon. If you enjoy this podcast episode,
1519
00:48:47,730 --> 00:48:51,700
go ahead and take a screensshehot of this episode on your
1520
00:48:51,700 --> 00:48:55,580
phone and post it up there on your Instagram stories and
1521
00:48:55,580 --> 00:48:58,530
be sure to tag us at hair of the dog academy.
1522
00:48:58,530 --> 00:49:02,240
And we would just love to see how you're listening and
1523
00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,590
a full disclosure.
1524
00:49:03,590 --> 00:49:07,980
Sometimes we just like to give away a little pet photographer,
1525
00:49:07,980 --> 00:49:09,670
swag in the form of hair,
1526
00:49:09,670 --> 00:49:11,680
of the dog t-shirts and sweatshirts.
1527
00:49:11,860 --> 00:49:13,540
So what are you waiting for?
1528
00:49:13,570 --> 00:49:16,660
Go ahead and share that screenshot of this episode.
1529
00:49:16,930 --> 00:49:19,090
And don't forget to tag us at hair of the dog
1530
00:49:19,090 --> 00:49:20,830
academy. And while you're there,
1531
00:49:20,890 --> 00:49:23,170
maybe you want to jump on over to our account and
1532
00:49:23,170 --> 00:49:26,110
see what we're up to on the gram would love to
1533
00:49:26,110 --> 00:49:26,920
connect with you.
1534
00:49:27,610 --> 00:49:29,800
Thanks for listening to the hair of the dog podcast.
1535
00:49:29,830 --> 00:49:32,170
This was episode number 1 23.
1536
00:49:32,170 --> 00:49:34,150
If you want to check out the show notes for access
1537
00:49:34,150 --> 00:49:36,700
to any of the resources that we mentioned,
1538
00:49:36,700 --> 00:49:42,040
simply go to www.hairofthedogacademy.com/
1539
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:43,390
1, 2,
1540
00:49:43,390 --> 00:49:46,630
3. Thank you for listening to this episode of hair of
1541
00:49:47,140 --> 00:49:47,830
the dog podcast.
1542
00:49:47,830 --> 00:49:49,000
If you enjoyed this show,
1543
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,890
please take a minute to leave a review.
1544
00:49:50,890 --> 00:49:52,150
And while you're there,
1545
00:49:52,150 --> 00:49:52,840
don't forget to subscribe.
1546
00:49:52,870 --> 00:49:56,350
So you don't miss our upcoming episodes online thing.
1547
00:49:56,740 --> 00:49:59,410
If you are ready to dive into more resources,
1548
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:05,080
head over to our website@wwwdothairofthedogacademy.com.
1549
00:50:05,410 --> 00:50:08,620
Thanks for being a part of this pet photography community.