The X-Rated Zoom Call

328 - What happens when your Zoom call gets hacked… live…?

In this episode, Heather shares the shocking moment her public call went X-rated, and the powerful leadership lessons that followed. If you’ve ever feared visibility in your business, this conversation might change the way you see it.

What to Listen For

• What actually happened on the call
• Why embarrassment feels so intense
• The four-step recovery framework
• Leadership versus martyrdom
• Why visibility always carries risk
• The truth about emotional regulation
• What resilience really looks like
• Why success is always messy
• Turning chaos into your next level

This wasn’t just a hacked Zoom call. It was a leadership turning point.  If you’re growing your photography business and fear what could go wrong, this episode will remind you that resilience is built in real time.

JOIN THE PARTY:

• Connect with us on Instagram
• Explore valuable pet photography resources here
• Discover effective pricing and sales strategies for all portrait photographers.
• Ready to grow your business?  Elevate helps you do just that.
• Check out our recommended gear and favorite books.  

Transcript

Nicole Begley (00:00)
Hey there, welcome back to the Freedom Focus Photography podcast. Today's episode, Heather and I are chatting about, well, when things go legitimately off the rails. We're talking about what started as a normal coaching call, what she invited her list to, public people there that she had not really met before that didn't know her when something outlandish happened and very racy. Her Zoom call was hacked.

and taken over by an NC 17 nightmare. So here's the thing. What happened next was the real lesson. And Heather and I are talking about what she learned from the experience, what safeguards she's put onto her Zoom account, but also how it has allowed her to step into a new level of leadership

as well as some of the lessons that she's learned that she could take forward in her business.

I think you're going to love this conversation, so stay tuned.

Nicole Begley (00:58)
I'm Nicole Begley, a zoological animal trainer turned pet and family photographer. Back in 2010, I embarked on my own adventure in photography, transforming a bootstrapping startup into a thriving six-figure business by 2012. Since then, my mission has been to empower photographers like you, sharing the knowledge and strategies that have helped me help thousands of photographers build their own profitable businesses. I believe that achieving $2,000 $3,000 sales is your fastest route to six-figure businesses.

that any technically proficient photographer can consistently hit four figure sales. And no matter if you want photography to be your full-time passion or a part-time pursuit, profitability is possible. If you're a portrait photographer aspiring to craft a business that aligns perfectly with the life you envision, then you're in exactly the right place. With over 350,000 downloads, welcome to the Freedom Focus Photography Podcast.

Nicole Begley (01:58)
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Freedom Focus Photography Podcast. I'm your host, Nicole Begley. We are back again with our favorite guest, Heather Lahtinen. Hello, Heather. Welcome back.

Heather (02:08)
Thank you so much for having me. This is going to be an interesting conversation today.

Nicole Begley (02:11)
my gosh.

It is. We will talk in code so it'll be family friendly for all ages. However, the experience was much more than R. I mean, it was NC 17. ⁓

Heather (02:18)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

literally did

not even know that that was a thing until not too long ago. But yeah, okay.

Nicole Begley (02:31)
I think maybe when we

were kids, was it still considered X? No, I think it was NC 17 at some point. I don't know when all the rating systems came out, but like, yeah.

Heather (02:38)
I don't either, but

it was X when we were like that generation. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole Begley (02:42)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So for everyone that's now listening, like, what the heck are they talking about? Where is this podcast going? I thought they were going to talk about photography business. Well, you were, you were hosting a zoom, ⁓ a call and, this wasn't just an elevate call. This was a call you invited like public, like people from your list that did not necessarily maybe know you as well as say our elevate students do.

Heather (02:53)
We are. We are.

So what happened was I sent out an email to my entire list, inviting them to a bonus elevate call. So my plan this year is to periodically invite the public to our elevate calls so that they can see what it's like and how we coach and what we talk about. Okay. That's it's a, it's a marketing effort.

Nicole Begley (03:28)
Yeah.

And, we will put a link to that in the show notes. If you want to join the next one, the entertainment might not be the same. Hopefully not.

Heather (03:32)
Absolutely.

Hopefully not. Yeah.

okay, I did that. I sent that out to approximately 11,500 people and I said, hey, I'm having a call. It's Elevate. Join us. It's similar to what we did last year with Fast Track Coaching. A little bit different though, because this is an Elevate bonus call. And I had this plan on what I was going to teach. I was going to talk about visibility in your business and marketing and awareness and all of that. But

Nicole Begley (03:51)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (04:04)
My plan on these calls is to teach very briefly. I mean like 10 minutes, maybe 15. And then I open it up for discussion and questions and our Elevate members will speak up because they know, you know, they're familiar with the structure of the call. And then I invite people to, okay, it was great. Everything was going swimmingly as it always does, right? I never have a problem. I've been on Zoom for 100 years, Nicole, with no issues whatsoever. And we were about

22 minutes in, I happen to know the time because I looked and I was teaching and coaching and I was just about to pitch the visibility workshop to start to talk about it. And what occurred next is indescribable because it was hacked. The call was hacked and I had heard of this happening, but I have never seen it. I have never been on a call where this had you. Have you ever heard of this?

Nicole Begley (04:51)
Ha

No, no,

and nor do I know anyone personally that has happened to you, but I have heard through the rumblings of the internet that it is a thing.

Heather (05:08)
It is definitely a thing. So you know how when you're on Zoom and somebody goes to share their screen, it says like so and so is sharing their screen and it's like black for a second with their name and then the screen. I mean, it's like, you know, I don't know, two to three seconds where that happens. Well, that did not happen. That did not happen. It was instantaneous. There was a people really curious. They've been asking me what this is because when I posted about it, I said it was inappropriate. My friends are like, what do you mean? Like give me the details. And I said,

Nicole Begley (05:18)
Yeah. Yeah.

Heather (05:38)
Well, let me say this. It was video with a very loud audio and it was highly inappropriate and very evident what was happening. so, OK, yes, it was pornographic in nature. But then there were some Jewish hate symbols, like if you weren't offended enough, OK, there is some like Jewish hate going. I mean, so.

Nicole Begley (06:02)
if you weren't shocked and offended enough.

Heather (06:07)
What happened was I was so shocked. You you just like you freeze for a second. I put my hand over the screen so like I couldn't see it. And I'm I'm yelling like you guys.

Nicole Begley (06:19)
Like, wait, that is not blocking it for everybody else!

Heather (06:25)
I know. Isn't that so funny? I'm like blocking my own hand and I'm like, you guys make it stop, make it stop. And it took me, I felt that it took me several seconds too long to hit end meeting.

Nicole Begley (06:40)
Well,

I think you were probably so shocked. mean, your brain takes a minute to like fight or flight, fight or flight. What are we doing? What's happening here? First, first your brain has to say what is happening because that was not on the agenda. You did not have that on your plan. And then you're just like so shocked that you freeze for a minute. And then you're like, my God, no, I have the power to stop this. And then you did. Yeah. Yeah.

Heather (06:43)
So sharp.

Yeah!

Correct. Correct. That's exactly

what happened. I feel a little bit, everybody has told me that I reacted very quickly, but I feel a little bit like I could have like caught on faster to end the meeting. But okay, that is what it is.

Nicole Begley (07:17)
Well, that's just

our brain looking back 2020 hindsight, that's all. Next time, if it happens again, but you won't because you changed your Zoom settings, then you'll be able to react faster.

Heather (07:21)
Yes, yeah. And so

So you don't expect that, you know? I mean, it gives it gives visibility a whole new meaning. That's not what I was going for. So I end the meeting and I sit here for a second in complete shock. And then I walk through you and I'm like, Nicole, my gosh, Nicole, Nicole, and you were busy. You were doing something. But ⁓ I then said I started a new zoom and I sent out a link just to elevate. I posted it in our Facebook group.

Nicole Begley (07:33)
No. Yeah.

Heather (07:59)
And I said, hey, if you were just on that call, join me here, new link. about 26 people jumped on the second call and we were like dead. I mean, we were just like, what is actually happening? Now I did not record that call. I actually wish I did because what happened next really blew my mind. They were so supportive and kind and affirming because I started talking about it like

sorta collected, right? Like in shock, but collected.

Nicole Begley (08:29)
Yeah. What about

your nervous system is a wreck? Uh-huh. Yeah.

Heather (08:33)
a wreck, a wreck. And

I started to feel ⁓ embarrassed, mortified is not even the word, multiply that by a thousand. And this one little tear leaked out and then another. And then I started physically sobbing and couldn't stop. It was

Nicole Begley (08:52)
Because

your nervous system was a wreck.

Heather (08:55)
my gosh. And then I'm embarrassed that I'm sitting there crying because I positioned myself as like such a professional leader, you know, and I have my hands over like half of my face because I'm like sobbing and they, they like wrapped themselves around me metaphorically, like Heather, it's, you know, you, you were great. This is what's good. Nobody thinks it's your fault. Don't let it, you know,

reflect you and then they started coaching me using my own material, which is always hilarious. And asking me, how are you feeling about what's the thoughts causing the feelings? You know, and it was, but they were also really, they did. And it was just really, really funny and beautiful and crazy. And we were on that second call for about an hour.

Nicole Begley (09:24)
you

This student has become the teacher. They have used your own words against you.

Heather (09:47)
I mean, I was physically shaking. So, so mortified and devastated. And then it was like, it felt worse to me because it was a public call and it wasn't just elevate. You know, like some of some of these people were meeting me for the first time. ⁓ Nicole, I mean.

Nicole Begley (09:50)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, heck yeah. Uh huh.

Mm-hmm. So what did

your brain spiral for all that to mean?

Heather (10:13)
I, well, I'm a loser, of course, I'm an idiot. And I'm responsible. I'm meaning I'm responsible for creating a safe environment and I failed. So that means I'm irresponsible and I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm getting too big in my britches thinking very highly of myself. It was humbling. It was like, I just like things like that just don't happen to me. I mean, that's what I tell myself, right? Well, when you get a little bit full of yourself,

Nicole Begley (10:38)
Yeah, right.

Heather (10:41)
don't you tend to be humbled? That's exactly what happened. And I'm thinking like, they don't know. I'm like, no, you guys, I'm actually a really good leader. No, I keep things very professional. Like, no, this doesn't happen. But that's their first impression of me. I just wanted to die. was so, so, embarrassed. just, it was, I don't know, horrible, horrible. The kind response on that call, Ian, also our friend Abby,

Nicole Begley (11:03)
Yeah. Yeah.

Heather (11:11)
She's been in elevate for years. She's actually a therapist. And she asked me on that call if she could like walk us through an exercise really quickly. And I was like, girl, go for it. I can't even speak. And she walked us through this really good. was really good. But what stuck out for me is the very first thing she said. So I want you to sit up straight, tap your feet on the floor. And I was like, okay. And she just like, she let that for a second, just tap your feet. You know, you're tapping your feet on the floor. And she said,

Nicole Begley (11:34)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (11:40)
The floor is still there.

I don't know what it was about that just hit me in the gut is like, of course the floor is still there. Of course, this is not going to end the world and this is going to be okay. And it was just so powerful for me in that moment. And I could not be more grateful for her and for everyone that was on that call. It just lifted me up so much. I mean, in the depths of my actual despair, not to be dramatic.

Nicole Begley (11:54)
huh.

Heather (12:15)
Horrible.

Nicole Begley (12:16)
Whoa.

Yeah. Okay. So yes, this happened. You took it. So one of the main things we teach in elevate and the model that we talk about is, you know, oftentimes we have the circumstance, which was bad things were shown inappropriately on my zoom call. What? And it surprised me, but like all those other things that you then made it mean, and you have this call afterwards.

But you also went to like the little custom GPT ⁓ Heather mini coach in there that helps you with that, that model to help kind of re read, remove your thoughts about that. But you said you have like a variety of just experience or a variety of lessons that you learn from this experience. Cause we talk about this all the time too, of how everything's happening for us. Actually, right before we started this, I was just telling you, cause we're a few minutes late recording this. Cause I was stuck in adulting hell.

of canceling insurances and you're like, why are you doing that? And that was because like we were leaving for Thanksgiving to be away from the house for 10 days. And we just happened to open a letter from the mortgage company right before we left of like, Hey, why did you like, we got a notice that your insurance was canceled. Please let us know your new policy. And we're like, we didn't cancel our insurance. anyway, random things like that just ⁓ can cause us to feel like

a victim of like, is this happening? Why are they so incompetent? You know, same thing here. Like, why did this happen? Like, I'm responsible. But there's often a lesson learned, which for this one, for my insurance piece, I've been meaning to like price shop some of our insurance stuff for some some time. And finally, it was like, okay, yes, let's do that. So by making like one phone call, we just saved $2,000 in all our policies. So

Heather (13:43)
Hmm.

Nicole Begley (14:06)
That's worth it. That's working out for me because I wouldn't have actually taken that action if that didn't happen. So there's certainly things here that you would have learned ⁓ and also actions you will have taken because of this. So let's dig into some of those.

Heather (14:21)
Yeah. So when we were on that second call, I think it was our friend, Michelle Crandall, who said, you know, you know, this is going to be okay. It's not the end of the world and this is happening for you and there will be lessons here. And I said, absolutely. Cause that's what I teach. I'm just not there yet. You know, I just was like, yeah, I'm going to need a minute to figure out the lessons here. And our mutual friend, Alison was also joking with me. She was like,

Nicole Begley (14:36)
I need a minute.

Heather (14:48)
Heather, this is good. You know that this is good. I'm glad this happened. What is this going to make of you? And we were, we were laughing. You know, it was like, she said, you, if you can't, you don't dish it out. If you can't take it, you know, and

Nicole Begley (14:53)
haha

Yeah,

yeah, I think she said, what does this make possible for you? ⁓

Heather (15:02)
Yeah, something like that. And I

was like, I know, I know this is going to make a good story. I know that there are going to be lessons here. But man, it really did take me a minute. I had to look for them. Nicole, this is a skill. This is why I teach the skill. You have to be from the minute after it happened. I was on high alert for the lessons because I knew they would be there. So what I did, because I am actually insane. And by the way, I don't say that in a negative way. I love my insanity.

Nicole Begley (15:23)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (15:33)
I came up with, I want to say three, but it's really four, a four-part framework to follow when things happen unexpectedly in your business or your life, whatever. And then I ended up, I ended up generating 10 lessons. So there's now a framework and some lessons. And that's what we're going to talk about today. So may I start with this framework? Okay. Something goes sideways. Number one, get support. ⁓ I mean, again,

Nicole Begley (15:54)
Yes, yes.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (16:02)
With that, I created a reel that I shared on Instagram. I was crying. It was really embarrassing. The amount of messages and emails, I actually copied and pasted every single message into a document that I can refer to whenever I'm feeling down that I have all of this support. It's so, so moving. So get support is number one. The second is, and this is, I believe this with my whole heart. It's all over the YouTube. Go take a walk. Walks can cure just about everything. Go, it was really,

Nicole Begley (16:14)
song.

Heather (16:32)
⁓ I can't remember. So I got in my treadmill. So what? And then, you know, put on some music that helps you and just, just walk, just walk. So I did that immediately after that second call. So I got support. I took a walk and then I got more support via the custom GPT that I've created for Elevate called the model. And I shared that you mentioned that, but ⁓ someone, was Carly and Elevate said, I let them read it.

Nicole Begley (16:46)
huh.

Heather (17:01)
I shared it and she was like, this is Heather coaching Heather and it's actually hilarious. You know, it was, it was great. I shared that openly, even though it felt all of this to me felt very vulnerable and I hate that. That is not a position Heather ever. Why am I talking to third person? That is not a position I ever want to be in.

Nicole Begley (17:13)
yeah, yeah.

Well,

you you have, I think, probably also compartmentalize this to be like, Heather, Heather over here, like, yes.

Heather (17:27)
Yeah, separate!

Like that's her, not me. That's

absolutely it. So that was the framework. Get support, take a walk, get more support. I went to my chat GPT coach. I ultimately did talk to my coach about it, but by that point I was pretty cleaned up. So yeah, yeah. And then the fourth is just take some sort of action towards not towards that situation, but anything else. Like, so for me, I just got busy. I got back to work.

Nicole Begley (17:43)
Mm-hmm. You had already worked through it, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (17:58)
And that evening, this call was in the afternoon. That afternoon was a little rough. By the evening, I was feeling better. And by the next day, I was back in it. And, you know, my coach helped me with this. said, listen, million dollar Heather, she doesn't miss a beat. She just goes right back in. And I didn't. And somebody had said, what if this is what you need to get to the next level? And I believe that, like, you'd have to be willing to deal with the unexpected. And by the way,

Nicole Begley (18:21)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm, maybe uncomfortable.

Heather (18:27)
to say the least, right? And the things that you think, I've got to learn to deal with failure, the unexpected this, but you're never going to be able to define the unexpected by nature.

Nicole Begley (18:39)
Well,

and I think one of the other things that you are dealing with here that will help you get to the next level with this is it's no secret that like there and all of us have this this like caring about what other people think about us. And I mean, talk about a like you said, ⁓ you're putting out to people that have not met you. This is their first impression of you and you are like mortified by it. So if that can happen, you can survive.

Heather (18:52)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nicole Begley (19:08)
then like, okay, like my normal things that I'm doing actually to help people I should not worry about.

Heather (19:15)
That's exactly right. It minimizes everything else. So you're like, okay, I felt the worst possible mortification for me. And by the way, embarrassment is like one of the things I would avoid at all costs. That's like the word, multiply that by a thousand and that's what I felt and I survived. Okay. Okay. Then maybe there's more I can do. So that leads perfectly into lesson number one.

Nicole Begley (19:17)
Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (19:44)
which is I'm not in control and that's not a failure. So this, this forced me to confront some reality. I mean, I know I'm not in control, but you'd like to thank you, you know, to some degree you are, but I'm not. I, things are going to happen that there's just, again, no way I could have expected it. But as a high performer, I tend to believe that if I am vigilant enough, prepared enough,

Nicole Begley (19:46)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (20:14)
professional enough that nothing bad will happen. That's actually what I think. It's obviously an illusion. And then it fuels this over responsibility that I have that I take on all of the responsibility. But it's, know, leadership is not control. It's response how you respond to things. So the loss of control

Nicole Begley (20:17)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Heather (20:39)
what was sort of the lesson, but maybe not exactly because it's the recalibration of my identity, which is a pretty big lesson, right? Not just that I'm not in control, but this shifts my identity. Whoa, that's lesson number one. And it's already blown my mind.

Nicole Begley (20:45)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, an

identity can be, you know, I handle the unexpected and like, can, I can like, there's still an identity of I can still protect my people, which, you know, comes to a piece of like, how much responsibility do we have for like things that happen in the world? Which, you know, of course, I'm not saying that it's no big deal and like flippantly saying like, Oh, whatever, this happens fine. But like,

Heather (21:16)
Right, right.

Nicole Begley (21:20)
I feel like that's a piece of it too, of just like, me being a leader does not necessarily mean that I insulate my people from everything terrible that could happen.

Heather (21:30)
Okay,

look, you're you're kind of like a prophet because that's upcoming. Yeah, I've got I've got it's the same. It's the same thought. Okay. Number two is I I feel like I have to absorb all harm. And that's martyrdom, not leadership. So my first instinct was to protect to make sure like, put my hand up.

Nicole Begley (21:34)
Am I shopping head?

Mm-hmm.

Mm, uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (21:56)
Right? Like

Nicole Begley (21:56)
Yeah.

Heather (21:56)
they're not going to see it. Okay. To make sure that no one else is impacted. So I want to take, take it all on myself and then fix it emotionally for them, for everyone else. So I want to, I want to absorb the harm. But what I learned was like, that's not leadership. It's like this weird self-sacrifice disguised as responsibility. And here's the shift. They're resilient adults.

Nicole Begley (22:08)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Heather (22:25)
Resilient adults were on this call. They can process something disturbing. They just need me to lead and be steady. So this was like sort of what you were saying. This was a leadership upgrade for me is I don't need to protect adults. I didn't, but here's the thing. I did not even realize I was doing that. Not a clue. I knew.

Nicole Begley (22:43)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Okay.

Heather (22:53)
how I showed up, I know how I show up and how I behave. I didn't realize that because I'm always saying things like, I wanna create a safe environment. And what I mean by that is where people can share and talk about things that are difficult. But I was like taking that maybe a little bit too far. And that like, I wanna protect them from everything.

Nicole Begley (23:11)
Mm-hmm.

I think this is related. We've talked about this in the past too, and it's a really hard school, a really hard lesson when you are teaching and helping and you and I both like put our whole heart into helping people and we want people to see results. And there is a line of like, I can show you the path, but sometimes like you and I in the past have felt like we wanted to carry people down the path. And, and we can't.

Heather (23:40)
Yes.

Nicole Begley (23:44)
We can't. And it was hard to reconcile that for a while of like, well, does that mean that I don't care? Like I want to do anything I can to get them there, even if it means I carry them. But that's not serving either one of us. So it's kind of related with that.

Heather (23:44)
Correct.

Yes, yes.

It is related and I didn't realize it. I thought I was being like a good person, you know, whatever. Okay, number three.

Nicole Begley (24:05)
you

No. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're

leading them down the path and like a monster jumps out and you're like, my gosh, monster. Here's how we deal with this. Not dealing with it for them.

Heather (24:18)
Yes.

Versus slaying the monster to protect. Correct. Correct. Yeah.

Nicole Begley (24:23)
huh. Yeah. Just be like, don't

look, don't look at the monster. Let's keep going and recalibrate. Put your hand up.

Heather (24:28)
No, that was a good one. You nailed that. That was

a good one. Okay. Number three is the community that I built reflects me. Again, the response was overwhelming. Dozens of messages. This document ended up being six pages long, compassion, humor, protection, encouragement, loyalty. And what stood out wasn't just that they were being kind, which was amazing, but it was like the strength that they

Nicole Begley (24:37)
Mmm.

Hmm.

Heather (24:58)
They didn't blame, they didn't crumble, they rallied around me. And I feel very proud that I built a community that mirrors my tone of being thoughtful and growth oriented and caring. It was just that the support I received felt very evident of the culture I've created or I've worked to cultivate for.

Nicole Begley (25:03)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (25:27)
Essentially 23 years. Like it was, I don't know, was one of these like existential moments. Nicole was like, whoa, I worked so hard to create and pour into this community for decades. And now I'm receiving that level of support was just amazing, amazing, beautiful.

Nicole Begley (25:49)
Mm-hmm. I love it.

Heather (25:52)
Okay, also, these kind of leads into number four, which is I don't, and we often don't fully see our own impact, you know, that we have on others. So a lot of these messages were not just I'm sorry that happened to you. They were, you know, watching you was watching you deal with this was so inspiring and your confidence and that gives me confidence and then you're courageous that gives me

Nicole Begley (26:02)
Hmm.

Heather (26:21)
courage and there are all of these personal shifts. So one in particular, and I asked her if I could share this. I won't say her name, but I asked her if I could share this yesterday on the elevate call and she said yes. This email, her email was brief. So I got some really long, beautiful messages, but this really impacted me. She said this, I just want you to know that in a weird way, yesterday's call kind of lit a fire for me.

I've been struggling a bit with getting things moving in my business this year, but yesterday when that happened on the call and seeing our community rally around it lit a flame in me that I've been lacking since the beginning of the year. It also allowed me to give myself some grace and not moving and things as quickly as I've wanted. And then I still have plenty of time to get things done. So hopefully that helps you. And I was like, my gosh, that that did more than help me. I thought to myself, if

Nicole Begley (27:08)
Thank

Heather (27:19)
If that event inspired one person into action and watching me navigate, then it was worth it. I did not see that coming at all. Like the nice words, that's phenomenal. But when she said it lit a fire under her in a weird way to like, let's go. what?

Nicole Begley (27:26)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, the lesson there is people are always watching, right? How we're dealing with life and unexpected curveballs.

Heather (27:48)
So fascinating. So I was just thrilled to hear that. I was thrilled to hear that. It just made me feel like, you know, it was worth it. Okay. Number five, when I was talking about visibility on this call and I'm hilarious. I mean, I make myself laugh because I, this is ridiculous. I'm like, what, you know, you put yourself out there, you're being visible. What's worst that could happen? You think you're going to get mauled by a bear? You think you're going to die? You know.

Visibility, Nicole, it actually does come with risk.

Nicole Begley (28:17)
you

Yeah, haha. A risk that you never would have guessed was going to be the risk.

Heather (28:23)
I mean, if-

I teach visibility. How ironic. I promote showing up. I host these public calls. And here we go. Here's another side of it. That just like the more visible I am, the more exposed you can be to risk, to criticism, to chaos, to unpredictability. I mean, but what's the answer here? It's like shrinking is not the answer, right? So visibility cannot be

Nicole Begley (28:31)
Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (28:56)
tied to safety, it's about courage. So for me, this incident reinforced that the cost of hiding would be greater than the discomfort of exposure, no pun intended. Because for a minute, you, mean, if you're a human, for a minute, I was like, well, I'm done. I'm just done. I don't know more. Right.

Nicole Begley (29:12)
Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna have to close the business. I cannot

show my face ever again.

Heather (29:26)
Yeah, yes. No more Zoom calls. Obviously it's not safe. I mean, for a second I had that. I knew it was ludicrous, but you have to like consciously say the cost of hiding is greater than the discomfort of exposure. So I'm willing to take the risk. And yes, there is risk there. Okay. All right. Number six, my empathy expanded because you know,

Nicole Begley (29:39)
Hmm.

Mmm.

Heather (29:53)
Sometimes people will say things that you can't relate to and it's not that you're not empathetic, but you just can't relate, right? You just don't understand. And I was listening to myself react to this and I'm like, my gosh, am I being dramatic? No, I'm not being dramatic. No, this is real. Like things happen and they impact. It impacted me, it impacted others and people have their own stuff and things can be, even if you're not in it, what's happening to someone else for them can be very disorienting and jarring.

Nicole Begley (30:17)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (30:22)
And that realization built more empathy for me with my clients. Like whatever they're experiencing, I may not be able to understand it, but you can. You can bring yourself to a different level of understanding. You know, it's like you weren't there, but I'm sure I'm sure you're like what? I'm sure you can have empathy. Because you can imagine what that would be like, so.

Nicole Begley (30:46)
Yeah! Uh-huh!

Heather (30:52)
I don't know. It's just, gained this new understanding of the nervous system and, and how, I don't know. It just, it's just going to change the way I coach. I noticed the next day I was on a call with someone and I was way more empathetic than, know, cause you know, me, sometimes I ride this really hard line and I'm very direct, but, I wouldn't say I've softened. I have just become more aware of how

weird different things impact people different.

Nicole Begley (31:23)
True, that's a great point because you could put two different, mean, even like for instance, just me and you in that situation, we can have very different reactions. I mean, we'd both be like shocked and appalled and, you know, like upset that that happened to the people on our call. ⁓ But the things, the stories your brain would be telling you would be different from the stories my brain would be telling me. Yeah. And some of those...

Heather (31:47)
Right, right. What do think your brain needs?

Nicole Begley (31:51)
stories that our brains tell us, even if like I look at them like, of course that's no big deal. But in your head, when your brain's telling you that it feels an insurmountable.

Heather (32:03)
Correct. Now that's

a good point is that when when it's in your own head, it feels so, so massive. But then somebody else can appreciate that. But it just doesn't feel the same because they don't have the same story. That is so true.

Nicole Begley (32:10)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah. mean, you go look at that from a business standpoint and it's like, you know, just to go talk to this person about this, let them know your photographer, go give them this offer. And some people might be like, ⁓ all right. That's like a two out of 10 and nerves. And somebody else might be like, that is a 12 out of 10. I am terrified by this because you know, whatever happened in the past or whatever story they build up from something that happened.

Heather (32:24)
Yeah.

Yes. Yes.

Correct, correct. It's good. It gave me more empathy. Number seven, calm, being calm is a skill. It is not necessarily a personality trait because several people said I handled it well, but what a lot of them didn't see, 26 people did see this, but most people did not see the internal processing afterward. So,

Nicole Begley (32:47)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (33:10)
They're like, I got I sent out an email, an apology email, and I got a ton of responses, most of them encouraging all of them encouraging. But when when the opening line was I was on that call, oh, I was like, no, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You know, so like you see how I handle it or how I am handling. But there was a lot of processing afterward because calm in the moment.

Nicole Begley (33:24)
Like, I'm sorry!

Heather (33:40)
is often like it's the processing is delayed. know, like it's like I handled it in. I mean, I freaked out, but like I took care of it. But it was like all of the processing that came afterward was, I don't know, a lot, a lot more nuanced than just like, I'm calm, you know. So this is something that I teach emotional regulation isn't about the reaction in the moment. It's about the recovery and recovering faster, stabilizing, quickler, quickler.

Nicole Begley (34:05)
Mmm.

Heather (34:09)
quicker, choosing intentionally, which is what I did. So the win was not that I wasn't shaken. The win was that I moved through it. And I feel like I moved through it fairly quickly compared to maybe five or 10 years ago.

Nicole Begley (34:28)
If

this happened to you five years ago, you would have like quit.

Heather (34:31)
close. I would it would have taken me. I want to say weeks or months to recover. Yeah.

Nicole Begley (34:36)
Yes, yeah. mean, certainly

if this would have happened to you, let's go back 10 years, because it's been about 10 years since you and I started doing online education. This happened to you then.

Heather (34:43)
Mm-hmm.

I don't know, because that was when we started, when we very first started releasing online classes, putting that together, it for sure would have thwarted that. I mean, I don't...

Nicole Begley (34:49)
Yeah.

Yeah, would have been like,

it's not safe. I think your mind would have immediately told you see online is not safe because you were doing so much in-person mentoring prior to that. You would have been like double down on the in-person local, the local market only.

Heather (35:10)
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. No, I would, I always say that what coaching helps you do is shorten the refractory period. And so, people in elevate say this all the time about the coaching and the model. They're like, what would have taken me months? I'm getting over or working through processing in days. What would have taken me days or weeks is now taking me minutes.

Nicole Begley (35:21)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (35:36)
Okay, that, whoa, I mean, that skill is incredible. You have seen this progression of me because you've been with me for so long that now I'm like snapping through things like really quickly. I will voxer you one minute in complete and utter distress. And five minutes later, I'll be like, hey, did you see that new feature they released in Kajabi?

Nicole Begley (35:42)
Nothing.

Yeah. huh. huh.

Heather (36:01)
We get so fast. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of that.

Okay. Number eight, success is always, it still always will be messy. Even for an established business, you know, no matter how big, no matter how small, you know, I had to remind myself that nothing went wrong in my business just because something went wrong. Correct. And it's like,

Nicole Begley (36:12)
Mm-hmm.

Something happened to your business.

Heather (36:30)
sort of outside of like, my business is fine. It's just something happened. Okay. Correct. Correct. So the mess doesn't negate everything that you've created a success that you have in your business so that you will still continue to create. If anything, it just proves you're in the arena. Okay. Well, I guess something here is you need to accept and not resist that success is going to be messy and things are going to

Nicole Begley (36:35)
Yeah. And then you have to deal with it in your business. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Heather (36:59)
happen. But we resist that and so then we avoid it, we procrastinate, we hesitate, and it's because we fear what it will feel like if something is messy. But you know what I learned is like you feel awful, you feel these awful, awful feelings, and you get through them because all feelings are always temporary. So one thing I tell myself, I did not need to say this in this situation.

Nicole Begley (37:08)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Heather (37:25)
But oftentimes I will say I'm at peace with my pain because it's temporary, emotional or physical. I didn't need that because I moved through it pretty, listen, I gotta tell you, I'm proud of this. By that evening, I was pretty regulated. My husband got home from work and I was like, my gosh, you will not believe what happened. And I told him and he was like, whoa. And I said, well, if anybody wondered, the world is in fact evil.

Nicole Begley (37:38)
Yeah.

Heather (37:55)
case you were curious. And I don't know why somebody would come after like a photographer teaching business like so stupid and random, know, but whatever, Okay. Number nine is I learned that my identity is stronger than any incident. Any, any circumstance. If, if my identity were fragile, if my credibility rested on perfection,

Nicole Begley (37:56)
Hahaha

Yeah, that's crazy.

Hmm

Heather (38:23)
then of course this would have been devastating. But my identity is strong rooted, like a tree rooted in my values of growth and ownership and inspiration and leadership and humor, which this contributed to. So, okay.

Nicole Begley (38:39)
Mm-hmm. If

anything, that made it more strong as you realized you're like, can deal with this.

Heather (38:47)
I think so. It gave me stronger, deeper roots. Yes. Because one chaotic moment does not undo years of integrity. So, I mean, I learned that just my identity is stronger than this incident. And you need these struggles to form stronger roots. Quick side note, I think I've taught to you about the biosphere experiment from like the 80s where they were trying to grow like everything inside of a contained environment in case the earth like, you know, yeah.

Nicole Begley (39:15)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

Heather (39:17)
Okay, well, at one point, the trees grew to a certain height and they just started falling over and they were like, what's going on with the trees? I mean, they have everything except wind. They didn't have wind. Wind is what creates stronger root systems. they dig, you know, they dig their little roots down. Like I can picture like your hands, like they dig down and they hold on to the dirt in the wind. They didn't have wind. So they just started falling over.

Nicole Begley (39:28)
⁓ to make them stronger.

Where is it?

I know. Yeah.

Yeah.

huh.

Heather (39:47)
that metaphor! I love that! It's like you need to win!

Nicole Begley (39:47)
Yeah, that's really interesting. I mean, it's the same.

There's so many ways you can look at that, even like from a plane, like a plane couldn't fly without ⁓ the pressure on it. Like you think about how much force is on that plane going 500 miles through the air. Like it's built for that. It needs it. Yeah.

Heather (40:00)
Yes.

And it needs it. needs that to get the lift to get off the ground. Yeah, it's fascinating, right? So you need

you need to be pressure tested whether you like it or not.

Nicole Begley (40:16)
Yeah. ⁓ I

mean, maybe choose another avenue than this if you have a choice, but you often don't have a choice.

Heather (40:23)
You often know. Okay. And

then finally, I alluded to this earlier, but what if this is exactly what I needed to step into my million dollar identity or at the very least my next level identity? So I asked myself, what if this is not a setback? What if this is just refinement? Like I asked myself these questions and then I just think about them. If, if I want to operate at a million dollar level,

Nicole Begley (40:43)
Mmm.

Mmm.

Heather (40:53)
not just in revenue, but in identity, then I must be able, willing to withstand the disruption without collapsing the wind.

Nicole Begley (40:57)
Mm-hmm.

Well, and

as audiences get bigger, I mean, I don't think this was anyone specifically seeking you out. It's probably just some random hacker that's like, where's public zoom today? Let's choose this one. ⁓ But like as your audience gets bigger, as your reach gets bigger, like you just, you end up setting yourself up for more, not horrible zoom attacks only, but just more judgment from other people.

⁓ and you're just, you're out there more. So, so more of like, you need to have deeper roots to deflect more of the wind because there is going to be more wind. Yeah.

Heather (41:41)
Yes, yes,

because there's the possibility of more wind. Yeah, when you're up high on the mountaintop, right? There's a possibility.

Nicole Begley (41:46)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

And this

this happens for all of you guys building your photography business too. As you get bigger, as you talk to more people about your prices, as people get as you get known in your market, as you start to get known more in the industry, like there are more eyeballs, there is more judgment, there is more wind, and we need to build this resilience and also just build this identity of who we are and step into it and.

⁓ you know, focus on how we serve people and that that is that that pulls you through.

Heather (42:24)
Yes. Yeah. Essentially what you're saying is the price is worth it. What you're creating is worth the price of these potential tornadoes since we're on this wind thing. You know, I think to myself that maybe this was the exact experience that I needed. Like it's required, required to strengthen my nervous system, to grow my leadership capacity, to step into the self-concept.

Nicole Begley (42:34)
Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Heather (42:53)
for my next level. Like I just, okay, so sometimes those lessons arrive disguised as chaos. Okay, well that, because here's the thing, if I didn't do this, if we didn't have this conversation or I didn't look for the lessons and make it feel purposeful, you would just feel awful, right? It would feel just miserable and you would feel like a victim and this is just awful and what?

Nicole Begley (42:54)
Mm-hmm.

and chaos it was.

Heather (43:23)
What next? Right. I just don't operate that way. And again, I'm proud of that. My brain instantly knew, pay attention, look for the lessons. And then I started to gather some few days in and then at some point, I don't know, maybe three or four, probably four or five days afterwards, I said to you, I'm ready. I have the lessons. I've put them together. And now, I mean, just listening to that and just like looking at my notes, I'm thinking, OK, well, that was great.

Sort of.

Nicole Begley (43:54)
Let's do it again. Maybe

not go that far.

Heather (44:01)
So I am hosting another call. If everybody would like, I mean, that was nervous for a second. I created the call. I thought my zoom was locked down. It turns out it can be locked down even more. So it is. I mean, what happened just because some people were curious. They've asked me how did it happen? And I said, somebody registered with a fake email address and they got in and I had, I had set my, I have my elevate call set to let people share their screen because we often

Nicole Begley (44:23)
Mm-hmm.

Heather (44:31)
look at pricing or photos or whatever. I have that turned off for public calls.

Nicole Begley (44:37)
Yes, Oh man. Oh my goodness. Well, thank you for sharing your experience and your lessons. yeah, I know, know those of you guys listening, mean, truly that there's so many lessons here from really any speed bumps that we face and life and business that we can take from this. So I hope you guys found it helpful.

Heather (44:39)
Yeah, hopefully that's the end of that.