This week’s episode is all about persistence. If you want something, you have to go after it with everything you’ve got, which couldn’t be truer when finding love. Today, we’re joined by Keisha Stubbs, who shares her inspiring story of love, loss, and redemption. From hitting rock bottom to rising to the top, Keisha is a testament to the power of persistence and the importance of never giving up on finding love. When finding love, anything is possible if you’re willing to put in the work. Keisha will share how she met the love of her life, recently got engaged, and why sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to rock it!
Keisha Stubbs is the author of the book "Close or be Closed, How A Teen Mom Sold Her Way Out Of Poverty. Keisha hit rock bottom early in life when she ended her High School career by fighting her way to graduation with a 4-month-old baby on her hip. When Keisha was 23, her boyfriend and her son's father was murdered, making her a single mother. The following year she lost everything, her apartment, car, and job. Keisha climbed the ladder in the automotive industry, going from the salesperson of the year to sales manager. Recently she ran for office and started a new business, the Artisan Markets. She founded the non-profit Tied Together, which is geared towards helping children. Her life purpose is to inspire and help people who've been dealt a bad hand.
Keisha Stubbs emphasizes the importance of persistence and never giving up on finding love. She also discusses the value of putting yourself first and creating a space someone else would want to share with you. Kerry Brett shares dating tips inspired by Keisha's story, including being who you want to attract, acting like a wife if you want to be a wife, and being consistent in putting yourself out there. This episode is a reminder that anything is possible if you're willing to do the work and never give up on finding love.
To find out more about Keisha Stubbs, follow on Instagram @keishavstubbs. To find out more about the Artisan Markets go to www.artisanmarkets.com.
This week’s episode is all about persistence. If you want something, you have to go after it with everything you’ve got, which couldn’t be truer when finding love. Today, we’re joined by Keisha Stubbs, who shares her inspiring story of love, loss, and redemption. From hitting rock bottom to rising to the top, Keisha is a testament to the power of persistence and the importance of never giving up on finding love. When finding love, anything is possible if you’re willing to put in the work. Keisha will share how she met the love of her life, recently got engaged, and why sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to rock it!
Keisha Stubbs is the author of the book "Close or be Closed, How A Teen Mom Sold Her Way Out Of Poverty. Keisha hit rock bottom early in life when she ended her High School career by fighting her way to graduation with a 4-month-old baby on her hip. When Keisha was 23, her boyfriend and her son's father was murdered, making her a single mother. The following year she lost everything, her apartment, car, and job. Keisha climbed the ladder in the automotive industry, going from the salesperson of the year to sales manager. Recently she ran for office and started a new business, the Artisan Markets. She founded the non-profit Tied Together, which is geared towards helping children. Her life purpose is to inspire and help people who've been dealt a bad hand.
Keisha Stubbs emphasizes the importance of persistence and never giving up on finding love. She also discusses the value of putting yourself first and creating a space someone else would want to share with you. Kerry Brett shares dating tips inspired by Keisha's story, including being who you want to attract, acting like a wife if you want to be a wife, and being consistent in putting yourself out there. This episode is a reminder that anything is possible if you're willing to do the work and never give up on finding love.
To find out more about Keisha Stubbs, follow on Instagram @keishavstubbs. To find out more about the Artisan Markets go to www.artisanmarkets.com.
I'm Carrie Brett, and this is Shot At Love. This week's episode is all about persistence. If you want something, you have to go after it with everything you've got, which couldn't be true when finding love. Today we're joined with Keisha's Stubbs, who will share her inspiring story of love, loss, and redemption from hitting rock bottom to rising to the top. Keisha is a testament to the power of persistence and the importance of never giving up on finding love. When finding love, anything is possible if you're willing to put in the work. When we come back, Keisha will share how she met the love of her life recently got engaged, and why sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to rocket. You won't wanna miss it. So stay tuned. Keisha Stubs is the author of the book, close or Be Closed, how a Teen Mom Sold Her Way Out of Poverty. Keisha hit rock bottom early in life when she ended her high school career by fighting her way to the graduation stage with a four month old baby on her hip. When Keisha was 23, her boyfriend and son's father was murdered, making her a single mother. The next year she lost everything, her apartment, car, and her job. Keisha climbed the ladder in the automotive industry going from salesperson of the year to Sales Manager. Recently she ran for office and started a new business, the Artisan Markets. She's the founder of the nonprofit Tied Together, which is geared towards helping children. Her life's purpose is to inspire and help people who have been dealt a bad hand. It is my honor to welcome Keisha Stubs back, UN Shot at Love today. Hi, Keisha.
Speaker 2:Hey,
Speaker 1:Thanks so much for being here. This is amazing. Congratulations on getting engaged. I could be happier for you. I really couldn't, and I'm gonna make a new rule that any past guests who get engaged have a free pass to come back on the show.<laugh>.
Speaker 2:<laugh>. Awesome. Can
Speaker 1:You believe it? I know you felt this would never happen for you.
Speaker 2:Uh, no, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it when it happened. I looked down at my hand, I'm like, wow, I got engaged.<laugh>.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:No, couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1:It's so good. I know when I saw your post, I'm like, this is everything. I've been cheering you on all along, and I'm, I'm really so happy that you finally found your guy. And I wanna take us back to 2020 when you made some big changes in your life. You quit your job and you manifested this whole new life for yourself. Bring us up to speed on what's happened over the past years.
Speaker 2:2020 was, uh, quite the year for everybody. Um, that's when we were initially going through the pandemic. I think we're gonna always be going through the pandemic. I'm not seeing the change happen, the change back. It was really a fantastic year for me, and I'm not, you know, shying away from the fact that it was a tragic year for a lot of people, and I do keep them in my prayers. 2020. I really just wanted to start choosing myself. Uh, that led to me quitting my job. I was a sixth grader earner. I was a sales manager at a luxury car dealership. It was a shock to some people that I was quitting my job, but to others it just fit right in line with who I am. Um, I wanted to pursue my nonprofit more. I wanted to start my own business, and I wanted to focus on myself and my son because he was graduating not too long after that. It's been a whirlwind. Ran for office, started a an outdoor market called the Artisan Markets, and then met lo and behold my new fiance. So quite quite the years.
Speaker 1:Wow. So you spoke about this choosing yourself, and you've never had the opportunity to do that because you had a child so young. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. So all of your adult life, you've been a mom.
Speaker 2:Yes. The whole thing.<laugh>
Speaker 1:The whole thing. So yes. Everything in your life started to change once you made this radical decision of quitting the car industry?
Speaker 2:Yes, it's true. You know, like you said, I've been a parent since I was 18 years old. So my entire adult life, I've been a parent and it's been a joy. It's been a joy to raise him. But I wanted to see what it was like to be Keisha, to just be myself. What do I enjoy? What do I love? I had an idea of what an adult woman should be, what a mom should be, what a spouse should be. But I wanted to figure out what that meant to me as a person. And in 2020, I really started to go on that journey and that journey of purpose and discovery, and taking care of myself and doing things that make me smile and feel at peace. It was an incredible journey. Even if you don't think you have time to discover yourself or rediscover yourself, find it. It's, it's a joyous experience.
Speaker 1:Right. And I like that how you started to focus on the things that you enjoyed. And one of your tips is be who you want to attract.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Why are you grateful that you took this time to invest in yourself?
Speaker 2:I had never really taken the time to invest in myself, and it allowed me to mature in a way that I was proud of. I often sought external pride, pride from other people, parents, my child, peers. And it's nice, you know, if somebody else was proud of you, but not until you're proud of yourself. So I was glad I went on that journey so that I could feel pride in who I became, ultimately show my son that this is a journey you should go on for yourself, just for you, not for me. Not to impress anybody else, but just for you.
Speaker 1:And you said you took the time to find the things that you loved in yourself so you could see those things in someone else.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You had never been married because your boyfriend at the time, and your son's father was murdered when you were 23, right. After high school, you had some relationships, but you wanted to be a wife and this was important to you.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:At this point in your life, you wanted to be a wife, so you started to act like a wife. Mm-hmm.<affirmative> as a way to speak into existence, what you wanted. Can you tell us about this?
Speaker 2:During 2020, I was home a lot. A lot of us were home and I, I maintained my house for my child and for myself. And there were just certain ways that I just started to, to rearrange things in my house there. So certain timeframes, I went about doing laundry or cooking more frequently. I know not everybody subscribes to them. Girls typically, I don't, which is so weird,<laugh>. But there are things I like to do, like I like to cook. I like to be the cook. Um, and I started to think and feel as a wife because if this is what I wanted to attract, this is what I had to become and not change myself, but see myself in the role before it actually happened. Um, I'm a big advocate of vision boards and writing things down and speaking things into existence and behaving things into existence. And though there was no spouse to look forward to at the time, I was getting ready for
Speaker 1:One. And so you are a mad manifestor, you know this about yourself mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And in 2016, you wrote down a list of qualities that you wanted a man, and you pulled in exactly what you had written on the list.<laugh>.<laugh>. Why is writing down a list so important?
Speaker 2:I never thought that a list was important. I thought that I was really just setting myself up to failure. I was gonna write this list and I was gonna meet a man that did not hit anything on the list. And oh, well, he'd be the perfect man anyway. The qualities on the list were important to me, but I just never thought it was a real thing. And I've heard conflicting ideas, write the list, don't write the list. I'm like, you know what, I'm just gonna write the list. And I wrote that list and put it away. I don't think I looked at it once. Maybe I looked at it once, but if I had, it's been years. And one day my now fiancee and I were laying in bed, he was sleeping, and I was up and I thought about the list. I'm like, let me go find it. So I had to find the notebook and I opened it, and I'm looking at it and I'm like, oh my God, here's everything on this list. So, to answer your question, why do I think it's important? I think it brings it to the front of your mind when you write things down, I think it's in your subconscious once you write things down, and I think you start acting things out and not realizing it because you had written it down and digested it, and now it, it manifests itself into your life. Um, I do believe in God. I do believe in right division and make it plain. But those of you who aren't spiritual, it, it really just pushes you forward, keeps you on the track to where you wanna go. I write everything down, all my goals. I write down whether it's, um, a fiance or a new house or a car or a job, or write it down. I think it's important to write things down, keep your goals listed, uh, that way you can look back at it and, and be proud of yourself because you will check things off. For sure.
Speaker 1:When you talk about being single in 2021, you said to me you had no prospects, which I, I thought was kind of funny,<laugh><laugh>, but you felt for the first time you had the freedom to date. Yes. And now you're wrapping your head around trying online dating. Mm-hmm.<affirmative> you were willing to try, but you weren't willing to live with regrets. That is so powerful.
Speaker 2:Right. How
Speaker 1:Did you get to the place of giving yourself permission to go for it and put yourself out there?
Speaker 2:My friend bullied me into it.<laugh>. Right. I was very anti online dating. Um, I'm like, if I go online, I'm gonna get kidnapped. That is not true.<laugh>. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. But still be careful. Still be careful. But my friend pushed me into online dating. I said, fine, I'll create a profile. And I did. And I was very lazy about it. I I really wasn't trying to meet anybody initially. That was probably February or April of 2021. And I put it down for months. I, I was like, this is strange. I don't like it. And I didn't go back on it for months. And then at the end of September, maybe early October of 2021, I went back on and my, now fiancee was one of the first people I started talking to. And once I started talking to him, I'm like, all right, let's see if he works out. I don't need to talk to anybody else. Let's see if he works out. If he doesn't, I'll keep dating If he does, great. Um, and that's basically the gist of how I got into online dating.
Speaker 1:Right. But the thing about you is that you go for it. You go for it so intently and you don't take no for an answer. You don't think you're gonna fail. You have a lot of belief in yourself. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you've been through a lot of struggles, so I'm surprised that your attitude was like that in the beginning.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But you had to adjust your attitude and approach it differently. And so you tried a different dating app. That's how you instantly found your guy.
Speaker 2:It really is. And it's funny you say that. Um, I do have an enormous amount of self-belief. I do believe if I keep trying, I will achieve the goal that I'm trying to get. But I just did not believe that for love. Uh, if I'm trying to do something, I'm trying to build a table. I know if I have enough wood and nails and a saw, I can build that table. There is not a, an I in love. It is a we in love. I can't make somebody love me. I can't make myself love somebody else. It's just a completely different animal. And I didn't know how to tackle it at all. So I couldn't see how love fit in my enormous amount of self-belief, but it found its way into my life.
Speaker 1:Well, somehow along the way, you took what worked for you in business, which is your superpower of being persistent.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.<affirmative>.
Speaker 1:And you were all in, you were gonna be persistent show up. You had this certain level of commitment. And I think this is something you can't dabble in or try it one day and not try it the next day. Can you talk about the importance of making a serious commitment when online dating?
Speaker 2:I think it becomes apparent to whoever you're speaking to, what your inten intentions are. You don't necessarily have to go onto a dating app with the idea of the person I meet on here, I'm going to marry. Because that can be, uh, read as well and could be off-putting. But it is important to have the right intentions when dating, whether you're online dating or offline dating. Have the right intentions and be clear about your intentions and expectations. You know, a couple of people I matched with, if I, they would ask like, you know, what are you looking for? I said, hopefully you made a great guy. Um, but I am looking for something long term. Some people aren't. And that's okay. No offense taken, but just be clear about what your intentions are. You know, when I was on there initially and I wasn't really taking it seriously, I'd be on one day and off another day. So if I got a message and I don't respond for another week, week and a half, they think I'm not taking it seriously or taking them seriously and basically just delete me because I'm not on there. But then when I was came back on in October, I was more serious about it. Said, I do wanna date. I do wanna meet somebody. So I was available. I looked at the little notifications I responded back and things like that. It lets somebody know, even in those early stages that they're important, that they matter. You, you don't play around when it comes to dating unless playing is your game. But make that clear though,<laugh>,
Speaker 1:One of the things that made you successful when selling cars was you would make sure that there was gas in the car. You would mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you would check all these things off the list so that you could present well and dating is sales
Speaker 2:<laugh>. Yeah, it is<laugh>. It is. I didn't see it like that before, but yes, it is
Speaker 1:One of the best things I love about you is how hardworking you are and that you will outperform anyone to get what you want.<laugh>, did you think about that when you were dating or like showing up? Being consistent, like you said? Yeah. You would get back to that text because if you don't respond and that person doesn't think you're serious about them, and like, there's so many different ways that people can screw it up in a sense.
Speaker 2:Um, I guess I thought of it as showing up in a way that made him feel special, uh, because he had done things to show up for me to make me feel special as well. But showing up in a way where it was like, wow, this is a really good girl. Not just being good for myself, which you should start with being good for and to yourself, but being good to him and making him feel special. So yeah, it is kind of outperforming<laugh>, right? Outperforming the competition because there is competition when people are outdating. You are not the only one. And that's okay. You're not in a, a serious relationship just yet. Yeah, I guess I outperformed the rest<laugh>.
Speaker 1:That's so funny. How do you think being persistent helped you handle rejection or setbacks? Either professionally or when finding love?
Speaker 2:I learned something in the car business. It's basically a numbers game. We had a, a sales trainer one time. He said, if you go out on the lot and you, you catch a customer and the first one, one says, no, fine. Tell'em, have a great day. You know, if you ever need help, come on back and catch the second customer. They say no. Also, tell'em, have a great day. Ever need help, gimme a call. I'll help you out. Odds are that your customer number three is going to purchase a car. So every time you, you get a rejection in your head, just say Thank you, I appreciate it. Thank you for showing up so that you can make way for the right one. That is true in love as well. I've obviously dated before. I thank them for showing up and then removing themselves and making way for my now fiance and future husband. Being persistent, continuing to date, you know, you can get jaded if you get your heart broken or you go on some bad dates or you meet some weird people, whatever it is, you can get a little jaded, uh, about the dating world, but just continue to show up. I hate to diminish it to a car, but it is a numbers game. You date, if you don't find the right one, thank them and move on. The right one is coming.
Speaker 1:And I like how you compared it to moving cars<laugh>, because some people who walked into a dealership, you may hit it off, you may not get along with, but you held your value and you made sure that people respected you and your time. When people don't gravitate to you, it's easy to get discouraged. It's easy to say, I'm gonna quit. What would be some tips for staying motivated and persistent? When dating feels discouraging or frustrating,
Speaker 2:You can't expect to get along with everyone, whether that's a friend or dating. So when you're out there and you're, you're dating, really, you have to bet on yourself. You have to understand the person that you are and that you are worthy of love, worthy of commitment and companionship. But understand that that is not gonna happen with every person you meet is not designed that way. Um, and also I would advise something that I had to do was not hold myself back so much. A lot of times we date, we date scared. We don't really wanna show as much love. Like, let me see if he's worthy of love. We don't want to be too nice. You wanna see if he's earned your niceness. Just be nice. Like you said early on, I'm okay with failure, but I'm not okay with regret. I don't want to regret not having done something. So in the car industry, I wanted to go forward and be a manager. Um, I would've regretted not being a manager. At the end of my days, I'd look back like, man, you really had a opportunity for that. And if it's a, a man that I'm dating, uh, this is not my man, but let's say he enjoys flowers. What the guy's like, I don't know, a, a beer or watch something<laugh>. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. If it's something that he enjoys, my fear of being nice to him and gifting him something, because I don't know if I'm gonna get played, could really take away from the relationship. If it's something that you genuinely wanna do. One thing I did early in our relationship, I, like I said, I like to cook. And I told him that. And I called him one day and we're on the phone. I'm like, yeah, I just made some chicken soup. You know, next time we meet up I'd love to give you some. And he loved that. He really loved that. Now, had I been fearful, one, is he gonna like it? Two, is my gift appreciated, then I would've regretted not making that kind of gesture. Be consistent in being who you are. If you, you are a giver. If you're a lover, if you're a toucher, be yourself. Be consistent in that because you wanna get loved back in that way. And if you're not showing love in that way, how are you gonna find your spouse?
Speaker 1:The thing about your career, you had to be tough to survive cuz it was all men for the most part. You didn't wanna be overlooked for certain positions, so you outperformed them and did a really good job so that you couldn't be overlooked. I think you sold 18 cars in one week.
Speaker 2:I sold quite a bit. Yeah. I can't even remember the numbers anymore. It's been 12 years since I got in the games. 11. Something like that.
Speaker 1:<laugh>. But you made it a point to stay tough and to be so competitive. And one of the things that you had to change, you had to let go of your A type personality. And it took getting out of the car business and walking away from that consistent hustle to create a life that was more than work. Why do you think walking away from the car business was so instrumental in helping you find love?
Speaker 2:So I do have a a, a personality type and I often wondered like, what does that look like in a relationship? Being in the, the automotive industry leans to people being a bit more aggressive, natured, a little more dominating, domineering, all of the things you don't wanna hear.<laugh>, all the things men don't wanna hear when they think about their, their woman. Like, ugh, she's domineering woman. But I had time and space to, you know, not just be a car person. The automotive industry, it can be all consuming. It can be all you think about all you do, all you're going to do. And having a moment to set back from that and see myself as a whole picture. Part of me is an A type personality. The other part of me cries. And there are other people that might hear that's like, Keisha, you don't cry<laugh> because they haven't seen it. But I do cry. There's a part of me that cries part of me that's soft, that likes to drink tea and read books. Um, there's a part of me that likes to climb trees. I got to discover or rediscover myself as an entire person. And then in being with him, I've seen where in the past where I had to be in control because I was a single mom, um, running my household. I had to be in control. I had to make the decisions. I had to be tough. Being with him allows me space to be softer. And it is a delightful feeling. Hmm. A feeling that I haven't had, uh, for quite some time. I have the freedom, the space, and the safety to relax in my sensitivity and my softness.
Speaker 1:How great would it be to find the love of your life? The man of your dreams. Do you believe online dating would work if you had the right tools to be successful? Well, I have exciting news. I've created your best shot at Love Masterclass. I cannot wait to share with you what's worked for me in my life and for many of my clients that have helped over the years. If you enroll in this class, you have a winning mindset and believe in getting help before you start something new. If you're ready to see changes in your dating life and wanna take action, check out my free webinar@shotlove.co. If you decide you're going to choose another path that you're worth it and you're willing to enroll in the masterclass, you can also register@shotatlove.co. I designed this masterclass specifically for you to be successful. Please know that everything you're going to learn in these nine modules and six coaching calls has been carefully curated for you so you can gain the success you truly want. I will be there for you the whole time. In the meantime, I wish you all the success and I can't wait to hear about your story of finding love. I'm Carrie Brett and I will be your mentor and friend through this incredible journey. Now you have a partner so it doesn't all have to fall on you. And I think you hit the nail in the head where you said I had to perform at work, I had to do all these things because you were a single mom. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>. And that makes you really persistent and really tough because you have to
Speaker 2:<laugh>. Yeah, it does. If I didn't win, I'd fail. That's how I felt. I'd say you have to win if you don't win. Not only do you fail, but your son fails. So you have to go out there and perform and outperform because I needed for my son to have a certain quality of life and certain expectations for life. So I bust my butt for over a decade cuz he is 19 now. So almost two decades.<laugh>. Yeah. Um, 19. And in college, I'm very proud of him, but bust my butt for almost two decades to, to provide for him, to provide for myself, to give him experiences, show him the world I wanted to. So don't misconstrue, like, you know, I was out there miserable every day. Certain parts were miserable, but I wanted to live a certain type of life and have my son look that life. But I didn't have a choice. Failure wasn't an option. That's what I said to myself because if I failed then he would fail. And I, I couldn't have that. But now of course I'm still pursuing my dreams. I'm not putting them down for anybody<laugh>, but to know that I can relax a little more, it does feel very nice.
Speaker 1:One of the things that's really interesting about your story is that you met your fiance during the pandemic and at the time you were both unemployed and if you weren't outta work yourself, you wouldn't have dated him. This is really important because a lot of people are in transition when job-wise or moving or whatever the situation when they're online dating. It was a blessing that you were both in the same place. Mm-hmm.<affirmative>, I wanna talk about how people really hold themselves back and are so quick to judge. If you weren't unemployed as well, you might not be open to dating him.
Speaker 2:It's true. And it sounds sad.
Speaker 1:<laugh>. No, it's not. It's actually really common.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Ego gets in the way. I made the choice to quit my job. He was in transition from one job to another and he decided to take a break and he wanted to advance in his field. And he took a break. I would not have translated that as a break. As we got to know each other and I saw his journey and what he was doing and whatnot, you know, I understood what he was attempting. He was finding himself as well, which is so crazy. We were both on the journey to rediscovery. But if I was still working at that dealership and I came across him, what do you do for a living? And he'd just said nothing. I'd been like, okay, delete<laugh>. And I would've blocked my blessing. I would've, my ego would've gotten in the way. And it was a blessing that we had so much time free. I had time to myself, you know, my son was bigger, he was 17 at the time mm-hmm.<affirmative>. But we had time to get to know each other. We had time to discover each other while we were discovering ourselves. But yeah, I would've a hundred percent blocked my blessing if I was in the same mindset as I was in 2019. Um, and now the place where our, we both have great incomes coming in and, you know, life looks, the future looks great.<laugh>, that's good. The future looks great,
Speaker 1:That's good. But I think mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you know, your son was getting older and he was going out more and mm-hmm.<affirmative>, you had to get really honest with yourself. And I think a lot of people still hold on to those excuses and it's really common. They're like, I'll wait until my child goes to college. And you had to get really honest with yourself and say, okay, I actually can go on a couple dates during the
Speaker 2:Week. You know, his dad passed away when he was five and I was very intentional about not bringing a bunch of men around him. Like I said, I've dated in the past, I've had guys ask me, when am I gonna meet your son? In my head I'm like, uh, never<laugh> mm-hmm.<affirmative>. I, I didn't see where we were going forward. So I didn't see the point in having my son be a part of it. And so by the time 2021 rolled around, I gave myself permission. I'm like, girl, you, you did a good job. Your son is not used to a revolving door of men in and outta the house, in and outta his life. You can date, it's normal. I regularly think about the things I practice in my life that I teach my son. Not the things that I sit down and tell him, but the things that he sees me do, um, what am I teaching him? And no, I didn't want a revolving door of men, but I also wanted him to know that dating's okay, da, not only is it okay, it's good that you don't have to just restrict yourself. I restricted myself for reasons I felt like with me dating, it would teach him something valuable about dating and that he could go out and experience other people. And he doesn't have to just date to himself. I think that by not dating, I might've taught him, or it was possible to have taught him that dating is bad, don't date. Stay to yourself, build yourself up. Him going on this whole journey with me because, you know, he is been with me since his day one and watching me work hard for myself. I also wanted to teach him that I will work hard for love too. And that that's something I want for you as well.
Speaker 1:I love that you had a series of relationships that didn't work out
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:<affirmative> and you were never married and you knew by the fifth date that you loved this man<laugh>.
Speaker 2:Wild
Speaker 1:<laugh>. That's crazy. How did you trust yourself that this was the one?
Speaker 2:Oh man, I didn't, you didn't<laugh>. Not initially. Not initially. Now I do. We were seeing each other anywhere from two to four times a week for a year. At least by date five we went bowling and we had a great time. He loves bowling. I'm very mediocre on Bo Bowling. Like, I'm like, oh, we could do something else. But he loves it. I'm like, okay, let's go bowling. And I had such a great time and it was just more of, you know, what we had already been experiencing. Uh, we would be on the phone all the time and our dates were different. You know, one day we went out for drinks. One day we went out for dinner, another time we went to Barnes and Nobles cuz we're both riders, wrote some things down and shared it with each other, some poetry. And then on date five, we leave the bowling alley. I get in my car cuz I'm, I also try to date as safely as possible. Very early on in dating, I don't get in men's car. I drive myself<laugh>. So I will meet you there. Um, so I get in my car and he pulls off and I just, it just comes over me. I'm like, I love this man. And that makes no sense at all.<laugh>. I didn't tell him that. Um, and then I start to leave the bowling alley and he calls me and I'm just so happy. Cause I'm thinking about the feelings that I'm feeling and he calls me, he's like, you know, I had a really great time. I can't wait to see you again and blah, blah, blah. He hangs the phone up. I'm like, yeah, I love him. And I don't get it. I don't, I don't understand why, how this happened, happened.<laugh>.
Speaker 1:Wow. That is crazy. Yes. So how important is it finding a person who's supportive? Because I know that you told me when you ran for office, which was so amazing that you did this and how well you did. And he was out holding signs and he has just supported you from day one
Speaker 2:In my list of what, what do I need from my partner? There's, there's needs and there's wants, um, that everybody's gonna have. And they're, they're all gonna be different. And because I'm such a persistent person and goal-oriented person, and I will be that person regardless of who I'm with or not with. And so I have to ask myself, is support important to me from my spouse? It is, it is there, there are some people that can go it alone or, you know, just keep it com compartmentalized, have their relationship and then have their goals maybe with somebody else, maybe a business partner or a colleague or something like that. The support is Im important to me. It's not that I want him to do the same things that I'm doing. If he doesn't have any desire in that, I would hate to make him miserable. Like say, oh, well, I ramp off this vote you run next. We're both, we're gonna be a political power couple. That's not what I need. If that's what he wanted, I would support him in that. But having support is very important to me. It makes me feel valued. It makes me feel, I wanna say validated, but, um, that is not the right choice of words because I, I do so validated by myself. But it is nice to know that your significant other believes in what you're doing.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I find interesting about this story of you finding love is that you still have your nonprofit and so much of your life is caring for others. But you got to a place where you didn't feel taken care of and no one was taking care of you. Right? You had to learn to put yourself first and put the value on what you wanted in your life. When you did that, I feel like it helped you find love.
Speaker 2:I I watch a lot of podcasts. I listen to a lot of different sermons. A key theme is always, you know, love yourself. Love is always around. Love is abundant. If you're looking for love, stop and look around. Love is everywhere. And you will find what you're looking for when you, when you open your eyes and you say, you know, I really wish I'd see a bluebird. You go outside and you'll probably see 50 of them when my head was down and not seeing the love, I wasn't receptive to it, but I could start to feel the love within myself, start to appreciate myself. It is necessary to love yourself. Because once you get into a relationship, once you have children, there are going to be some challenging times where you are going to have to save your family and not necessarily save them from a burning building, but, you know, people have bad days, people have bad months. Sometimes a kid might fail a, a test that they expected to pass. Your spouse might lose a job they expected to keep. And if you haven't practiced self-love and building up your, there's no real way for you to be able to help somebody else. You've got to assist you first. Make sure that you are built up so that the times where the tables turn and you have to carry things, you're capable, you're emotionally capable. Um, I was good at making money for quite some years, but emotionally I was stunted and I had to grow emotionally in order to even be ready for a relationship. And I made that decision to, to get ready emotionally so that I could be ready for a relationship. And I, I feel very secure that I feel, uh, emotionally mature and I'm proud of myself for it.
Speaker 1:You said that nothing feels as good as being chosen and he surprised you with the ring that is really amazing. Like you didn't have to convince him this was just something that the two of you wanted.
Speaker 2:Definitely.
Speaker 1:What would your advice be for someone who's listening who feels that love can't happen for them?
Speaker 2:I feel you, girl or<laugh>? I, I feel what you're saying. Um, because I felt that way. I felt that, you know, I'm just probably gonna be 50 or 60 with cats. Um, I'll just do well in my life and remain goal-oriented. I didn't see it happening. I would say just keep going, keep going. A as we've said many times as an episode, be persistent. If love is what you desire, if a relationship is what you desire, don't put it down. Don't put it down because you think it might not happen. So why set yourself up for failure? It depends on what you think failure is. Because failure could be never having love. Put yourself out there, continue the date it will happen for you. I do believe that, that it will happen for you. You will meet that person that sweeps you off your feet and maybe a not a way that you saw it. Maybe a not, uh, the, the Disney way that you saw on television. You might click in such a way where it's like, wow, where did this person come from? If you feel like it'll never happen for you, one, stop telling yourself that. Do not tell yourself it'll never happened for you. You have to speak things into existence. While I was single, I said to my sister and my mom, I said, I'm getting married in 2023. I am single as single could be. And they're like, okay. To who? I was like, mm-hmm.<affirmative>, but I'm getting married in 2023<laugh>. So y'all get ready for my wedding. And I didn't even know him yet.<laugh>, right? So, you know, speak things into existence. We met and it was, it was on my mind that we'd get married and that he would propose at some point. But I thought he was gonna propose at best at the end of this year. Definitely not. Now I'm okay with it. Obviously I'm very happy, but I, I didn't see it yet. So speak it into existence. Stop telling yourself it won't happen. Don't sabotage yourself like that. If anybody's gonna be a cheerleader, you should be.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's so good. And this is why I love your story so much, because even though you didn't feel it would happen for you, just the act of putting yourself out there and being persistent and trying and giving yourself a chance, you made it happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:<laugh>. Sometimes it's just those small steps that just needs to shift. So where can people find out more about you? Follow you on social media? We're gonna have to be watching for this wedding.<laugh>.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.<laugh>, I'm on Facebook and Instagram. Keisha v Stubbs, k e i s h a v Stubbs website, www.keishavstubbs.com. If you live in the Georgia area, you can check out the artisan markets.com outdoor market with a lot of small business owners. Come check us out. We're going start back up. This May, uh, we did it last year as well, but if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you pretty much gonna be able to see everything that I'm doing and links to all those different things. You can check the book out on Amazon that we talked about the last time. And, uh, yeah, just follow me on social media. I, I post pretty regularly on Facebook and not that regularly on Instagram, but I, I'm on there sometimes.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Well, thanks so much for coming back on Shot Love. This is the best news ever and you're so inspiring and I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. I appreciate it.<laugh>.
Speaker 1:And for now, this week shot at Low Dating Tips that are inspired by our guests, the legendary Keisha Stubbs. Number one, be who you want to attract. Find the things you love in yourself so you can see them in someone else. Number two, if you wanna be a wife, then start acting like a wife. Get your home in order and create a space that someone else would wanna share with you. Number three, when it comes to dating, be persistent. What you resist persists. So stop resisting putting yourself out there. Put the pedal to the metal baby and go for it. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is which Shot at Love is here for, to help you find love, keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. And if you like this show, please subscribe and leave a five star review. I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see you next time.