Dating After Cancer: Runway To Romance With Cancer Disruptor & Model Christine Handy

Dating after cancer: Runway to Romance –Navigating Love's Catwalk with Cancer Disruptor Christine Handy.

Get ready to be inspired by an incredible guest who is the epitome of strength, courage, and true beauty, both inside and out. Meet Christine Handy, a 40-year veteran in the modeling industry, a devoted mother, a best-selling author, a breast cancer survivor, a cancer disruptor, and a breastless model for Victoria's Secret. Being a breast cancer survivor, having four mastectomy’s resulted in her ultimately losing her chest–she learned – it was up to her how she felt about herself. And that the only place beauty comes from is within. Today, she shares secrets about finding self-love and, most importantly, keeping it. And why it’s important to feel confident and love yourself before stepping into the dating world. Christine’s commitment to working on herself, rebuilding her self-esteem, and feeling worthy of love led her to find it. We must remind ourselves and remember that our self-esteem and self-worth are at the core of all the decisions we make in life and love. 

 Christine Handy is an international model, cancer survivor, motivational speaker, and inspiration to all. Christine Handy is an international print and runway Model for brands such as Guess, JCREW, Target, Pepsi, and Victoria’s’ Secret. Christine is the author of the book Walk Beside Me, a fictional depiction of Christine’s life. Christine became a keynote speaker after her book was published in 2016. Christine is a mentor, a breast cancer advocate, a public figure, a Social Media Influencer, a Nationally recognized Humanitarian, and a Mother of two sons. Christine serves on the board of three non-profit organizations: EBeauty, People of Purpose, and the Break Free Foundation. Christine’s first novel is currently being adapted into a film called Hello, Beautiful.

Kerry Brett and Christine Handy's discussion covers a lot of ground. Topics include;
· Christine's remarkable journey
· Modeling industry realities: A glimpse behind the scenes of the modeling world and its impact on self-worth.
· Health journey begins: Christine's life as a self-proclaimed athlete and the initial signs of her health challenges.
· Diagnosis and despair: How Christine faced the devastating news of her aggressive breast cancer diagnosis.
· The power of community: The importance of showing up for others and building a support network.
· The path to self-love
· Self-indulgence to selflessness: Christine's journey of self-discovery and becoming selfless.
· Loving yourself enough to fight: The central theme of Christine's book, "Walk Beside Me," and the importance of self-love in her healing process.
· Christine's strategy for not letting the pain show on her face and her advice for those suffering.
· Overcoming fear of dating after illness: Christine's initial apprehension about finding love post-divorce and illness.
· Rediscovering confidence
· Challenges during the pandemic: Christine's experience with MRSA during the pandemic and its impact on her confidence.
· Realization of self-sabotage: How Christine recognized that she was the one holding herself back.
· Embracing New Challenges: Christine's determination to fight for her confidence and accept new opportunities.
· Dating and Career Advancements: Christine's experience in the dating world while advancing her modeling career.
· Resilience in the Face of Adversity: Christine's strength and resilience after a negative experience.
· Current Success: Christine's achievements as the first breastless model for Victoria's Secret and finding love.
· Inclusivity and hope: Christine's mission is to help people feel less alone.

To learn more about Christine Handy, go to www.christinehandy.com or follow on Instagram @christinehandy1.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Get ready to be inspired by an incredible guest who's the epitome of strength, courage, and true beauty, both inside and out. Meet Christine Handy , a 40 year veteran in the modeling industry, A devoted mother, a bestselling author, a breast cancer survivor, cancer disruptor, and a breastless model for Victoria's Secret. Being a breast cancer survivor, having four mastectomies resulting in her ultimately losing her chest, Christine learned it was up to her how she felt about herself, and that the only place beauty comes from is within. Today she'll share tips around finding self-love, and most importantly, keeping it, and why it's important to feel confident and love yourself first before stepping into the dating world. How Christine's commitment to working on herself, rebuilding her self-esteem and feeling worthy led her to finding love. Why we must remind ourselves and remember that our self-esteem and self-worth are at the core of all of the decisions we make in life and love. I'm Carrie Brett , and shot at Love starts now. Christine Handy is an inspiration to all. She's an international print and runway model. The author of the book, walk Beside Me, a fictional depiction of Christine's life, and she became a keynote speaker after her book was published in 2016. Christine is also a mentor, a breast cancer advocate, a public figure, a social media influencer, a nationally recognized humanitarian, and the mother of two sons. She serves on the board of three non-profit organizations, ebe People on Purpose, and The Break Free Foundation. Christine's first novel is currently being adapted into a film called Hello. Beautiful. It is my honor to welcome Christine handy to the show today. So though further ado, welcome Christine . Hello. Beautiful.

Speaker 2: 1:53

Hi, Carrie . Oh, you know, that is the name of my film. Hello? Beautiful. That's

Speaker 1: 1:57

Right, <laugh>.

Speaker 2: 1:58

Is that why you did it? Yes, <laugh>. Clever. Clever.

Speaker 1: 2:03

Isn't that good?

Speaker 2: 2:04

<laugh>? Very good. It's

Speaker 1: 2:06

So good. I love the name of your film, and that is gonna be something we talk about as well, because it was taking a long time for that to be made because of the pandemic and the rider strike and all of that. But the theme about the movie, which is your life story and the theme of your book, walk Beside Me, is about self love .

Speaker 2: 2:27

Yes, it is.

Speaker 1: 2:28

And today you're gonna take us through your journey of finding self-love, losing self-love, and what it takes to keep it. So tell us about your story, your journey from modeling to having to do a internal makeover. It's all unbelievable. You start as a model at 11 years old, and I know you identify as a model because you're extremely hardworking for a long time. You believe what you brought to the table was your beauty.

Speaker 2: 2:55

I can only speak from my perspective, but as a model who has worked as a model, a working model for 41 years, I believe that for the most of my focus for the first 20 plus years of my life was on my external beauty. And part of that is because I was in the modeling space, right? You have to be sure that you look exactly like your photos. You have to be exactly the same weight, you have to have your hair. So it looks like your comp cards and your comp card is basically your resume. And so if I walked into my modeling agency bloated, or a little heavier or a little lighter <laugh> , then I would be scolded for that. And so there was a lot of shame involved at that stage of my life, that season of my life. Now I'm still in the modeling space. It looks very different now. Society has shifted a bit, but for so many years, my external was my complete focus. And because of that, I felt like that was my worthiness. That's where if I'm in society , if I'm in the society that we are in, then my worth is based on what society believes I bring to the table. And for me, what I was bringing to the table was pretty pictures. I was showing up to look pretty.

Speaker 1: 4:11

And you're one of the models that are in those picture frames that people buy. Like talk about a pretty picture. This is <laugh> . You're the pretty girl in the pretty picture.

Speaker 2: 4:20

Yes, I , I did that

Speaker 1: 4:22

<laugh>. But that picture, what life is like behind the scenes for a model isn't so beautiful. There can be beautiful moments, but you have to be hardworking. It's really critical. People say things that chip away at your self-worth. Yes. Sometimes models aren't treated the best. And there's a lot of things that are less glamorous about the life that people assume, oh , it must be easy for you because you're a model.

Speaker 2: 4:55

There's the rub or the confusion, right? Because if you're a model, you are working because of what you look like. But then you go, for me, when I went back to school, when I went back to high school, I'd do a job, I'd go back to school and my friends would be not as kind to me or not as , uh, vocal with me because they, I don't know, maybe they were jealous. I've never asked 'em that question, or years ago I never asked 'em that question. But maybe there's some jealousy. So if you think about it, when you, as, I've heard this from a lot of men, but even as a woman, if you walk into a ballroom filled with people, the first person, you're not gonna go up to the most beautiful person in the room because it's intimidating, right? So when you're in a group of women who are models and in , in that environment, then people are often intimidated. People are often jealous. People are often intimidated. And so what do you do? You retreat. You feel like there's some shame involved. And I had more people than not say to me, oh, you're just the model. Oh, Christine, you're just the model. What do you do for a living? Oh yeah, that's right. You're just the model. Well, when you think about that, when you intake that for years and years and years, you think to yourself, I'm just the model. I'm not anything other than a pretty face or what I look like. Now, if you lose your looks or you age, that can be very confusing as well. 'cause you think to yourself, oh my gosh, well, what happens when I get older? How will I feel about myself and how will other people view me? And that can be a very scary thing, but completely, it's filled with shame and fear.

Speaker 1: 6:33

It's so interesting people's perceptions of what people's lives are like. And you had really low self-esteem put the focus on a lot of things that you don't put the focus on in your today life <laugh> , which I still can't even grasp the way you talk about how you used to be because I can't see it, but I believe you. But you had a whole bunch of experiences that transformed your life. This leads us to your health journey. Now you are a self-proclaimed athlete, allergic to sugar. You like to say, every time we're on the phone talking, you're walking, you are a very healthy person. But a series of events happened and start with your arm.

Speaker 2: 7:22

Yes . So my arm could be an entire book on its own. I had a torn ligament, my right wrist, and I went to see the best doctor in Dallas, which I use air quotes because there is no best doctor. There is no best anything, right? There's just a lot there . There can be a lot of good doctors, there can be a lot of bad doctors. There's no best, but we, we like to label things in our society. And so I went to the best doctor in Dallas and he repaired my wrist. And six weeks later I had the pretty cast taken off. And then my arm literally ballooned, which means it , the swelling was grotesque. My right arm looked like my right thigh bone after several appointments with the doctor and such grotesque pain that I couldn't get out of bed, I was not drinking or eating anything because I didn't wanna carry my arm on my chest to the restroom because I didn't wanna move at all. The pain was so great. After a couple weeks of this, my doctor finally said, okay, well we need to do a, a couple tests to find out what it is. And he did a couple tests. I can't even recall exactly what it was, but it was not an X-ray. It was not a blood test. And he said, okay, your , your reaction to the surgery is a little bit distorted. It , your brain is telling your arm that there's pain and swelling, but really there isn't. And he labeled it as this thing called RSD. And he sent me down to his pain management doctor, and they gave me a prescription for narcotics and said, you need to go to physical therapy and try to get as much rotation in your wrist as possible because in six months it's gonna lock up through the pain. And through the really the grotesque agony of going to physical therapy almost every day, because I was trying to get as much motion in my right wrist as possible. Ultimately, I was breaking every single bone in my wrist because there was an infection in my wrist that was dated back to the actual surgery, but was undiagnosed. And it was misdiagnosed by the best doctor in Dallas. Ultimately, when we investigated the situation a bit after my arm was ultimately fused and I lost my wrist , um, we found out that he, for one of the little procedures he did to find out what it was, he did take a blood test. And the blood test did show that I had an infection and he buried it. So pride, ego and things like that, that society, you know, we, that we see in society a lot was, it was really what happened to my wrist. Could I still have a wrist? Absolutely. It could have been completely prevented when he actually did take the blood test, it was in time to preventatively change the, the trajectory of my arm, which is now fully fused and rebuilt with cadaver bones . So it's a really very tragic story. And I have lived in constant in chronic pain ever since this happened in 2010, actually.

Speaker 1: 10:14

And I know that you do live that way because oftentimes we'll text or send emails back and forth and you're like, I can't, right ?

Speaker 2: 10:22

I can't type

Speaker 1: 10:23

Or, or you'll say, I've gotta go because the pain is just like, you're just so knocked out from it. So I have seen that and it's, it's true. Like this isn't just a period of time in your life. This is something that you continuously live with. But what happened to you more importantly, is that this doctor was a bully and narcissistic, and he said awful things to you and said that you were making the pain up in your head and calling you a hysterical housewife. So your emotional state and how you were like second guessing yourself. And you said that you were trained to respect doctors, that they were the ultimate. And even your mom was like, Christine, we need a second opinion. You just had such trust in this person who deeply disappointed you. Your emotional state was really bad, and how you felt about yourself. How are you gonna model with the arm that wasn't working? You had that to, to deal with as well.

Speaker 2: 11:28

Well, my emotional state was very fragile for sure. Part of it was because yes, the doctor was bullying me and I was listening to him. I didn't have the self-confidence to say, you know what? I respect your opinion, but I'm gonna go see another doctor. I didn't have the self-care and the self-love. I was taking care of other people. I was listening to voices that are no longer in my life who would , would say to me, me, you're a hypochondriac. You go to the doctor enough, you go to the doctor too much, you go to the best doctor. And so I was listening to voices instead of my own. And that's on me. Not only did that change , this trajectory of my life, obviously not just physically, but emotionally. But after I had a fused right arm, I was in the throes of traveling back and forth to New York just to see my doctor. And I had a cast on my arm from my fingertips to my right shoulder. And I was in the shower and I found a lump in my breast. And five days later I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. So to imagine now being handicapped in my right arm, no longer the beauty that I believed I was, and now facing chemotherapy surgery and the loss of my hair and the beauty that I, that I so coveted that I felt like I needed so badly. Because if I, if I'm not beautiful, then people won't love me. Who would love me? And that was my self-talk for so many years. And I got stuck in that space. I got stuck in that self pity and I got stuck in that victim hood and I couldn't see clearly at all. And it was like this fog and this and this constant searching for what was missing in my life. And so I tried to use materialism to fill that space. I tried to use, depending on my now ex-husband, I tried to use all sorts of different ways to fill me up other than what I really needed to fill myself up with was faith , which was self-love, which was self-care and surrounding myself with people that also felt the same way. 'cause so often self-love is contagious. And so if we're sticking around people who don't have that self-love for themselves, that's gonna rub off on as well. And so I was hanging around people who were lovely people, but they were also clinging to materialism and clinging to things that are of this world versus what I ultimately clinging, which is what I clinging to now, which is faith, self-care, self-love putting my oxygen mask on first,

Speaker 1: 13:58

But which I , which I love. When you always say, why did I need a Birkin bag? I can't even carry it on my arm. Like, you just got so turned off by people that put all their value on materialistic things before you changed to be Christine 0.20 2.0 version. You literally didn't wanna live. We have to talk about that. The first line of your book is, it was a warm day in September when I decided to kill myself. You were diagnosed with this aggressive form of breast cancer. You were at the basement of rock bottom, not as shred of self-worth, have no hope. What made you wanna fight?

Speaker 2: 14:44

Well , here's the thing about giving other people our power. If we give other people our power and, and those people dictate our worth, or those people dictate circumstances in our life, then that's hopelessness. Right? Right . But if we keep our power, then there's always hope. And so I didn't learn that. I wasn't taught that. Nobody ever shared that wisdom with me. And so when I was at rock bottom and I felt this despair, and, and by the way, nobody would blame me for the despair that I was going through, right? But, you know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age. I had just had my arm fused. I was in constant pain. And I had been on a lot of medication, which can distort your worldly view. So I was in this kind of fog of really being, how did this happen to me? Why is this happening to me? This kind of victimhood at no time did I think, you know what? I can use this. I can help people with this. I can be a vine. I , I didn't even have that language at the time, but quickly when I started to go through chemotherapy and started to rely on different voices around me, and I listened to my friends say, you know, your value is not dependent on X, Y, and Z. It's dependent on your faith and, and dependent on how God sees you and, and your value is extraordinary. I thought to myself, how could they even think that? Like, what do I bring to the table? I can't even, I can't even do anything for them. I'm so weak and I'm so sick. And the world we live in is very transactional and I'm not doing anything for them. So ultimately they're not gonna show up for me. That was a distorted view. That is what society teaches us. And it's not true. People will show up for you season after season, after season, because that's what we're supposed to do. That's what we're meant to do in this life. And if people aren't doing that in your life, then you need to pick a different group of people. The value that I gave to so many other people, the value that I put on my external beauty was suffocating me and ultimately could have taken my life. Because if I had stayed in that mindset, if I had not evolved and listened to different people in my life, I would've not stuck around. I wouldn't have fought for my life. Maybe I would've taken my life or not, I don't know. But by sticking around and listening to different people and ultimately watching them show up for me, and ultimately me saying, well, gosh, if they're showing up for me, why am I not showing up for me? You know, on the many days where I was lying on the floor, on the marble floor, 'cause it was cold and you know, getting up and down to throw up in the bathroom from massive chemotherapy, I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I was doing introspective work. Mm-Hmm . <affirmative> , I was saying to myself, how did I learn to do this wrong? How am I gonna learn to do this right? I need to, if I survive this cancer, I need to do this differently. And how am I gonna do this? And I , and oftentimes I would even say to myself, if I could have a complete redo, what characters do I want in the show? What environment do I want? Where do I wanna live? And I'd have these like conversations with myself and dreams of, I wanna live on the ocean and I want this person in my life, but I don't really want this person in my life. Well, if that can keep you going, you are ultimately retraining your body. You're ultimately retraining your brain to manifest different things. And so I took that time, that pause, that 15 months of chemotherapy, which is a very long time. And instead of staying stuck in that paralysis of self pity, I started to learn self-love. And I started to dissect the voices in my head, and I started to shift. And it took a long time. And it takes a lot of work. I'm not trying to tell anybody who's listening to this that is overnight. It's not. I still struggle. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative> and I still work on this. It is a transformation. Trust me. It's worth the work.

Speaker 1: 18:33

It is worth the work. And you learned this very important lesson, which is if you show up for others, you save lives because people showed up for you and they saved you. And you, you feel it's your duty to pay that forward. And you live your life that way.

Speaker 2: 18:49

Yeah . So I can, I , this is how I really feel. I feel like there is freedom within all of us, or, but there's also shackles within all of us. We get to choose, are you gonna choose the shackles or are you gonna choose the freedom every single day? That should be something that we say to ourselves in the morning, am I gonna choose shackles and and paralysis because this is what other people think of me. And you're giving other people that power. That's a choice that you are making. But going back to the, the bags and the materialism, the irony was so outrageous because I was so coveting those things that I could no longer carry, no longer use . And because the irony was so outrageous, because it was such a, a powerful vision in my mind, I thought, this is really distorted, and why is this distorted? And why did I put so much energy into external things and to worldly things? They can be taken away. They did , they were taken away. I've gotten a divorce. People lose money. People lose things. People lose relationships. But if you focus, if your whole focus is on worldly things, those things can be taken away. That's not solid ground, that's not a level surface. So I don't, I no longer want to put myself in that position of instability

Speaker 1: 20:02

Because of the loss and because of the trauma and because of the pain and because of all the things you can choose to be in fear, or you can have peace and you can have forgiveness, and you can do different things and tell yourself different things to have a different life. And you do do that. And it's pretty incredible. Christine, honestly,

Speaker 2: 20:26

I mean, I believe for me, my faith has honestly felt more tangible over the course of illnesses and defeat than fear. And which is really the opposite for most people. Let me repeat that. 'cause this is really important. My faith has felt more tangible over the course of illnesses and defeat than fear. And in our, the , the world that we live in, fear is usually more tangible, especially in the course of illness and defeat. But because I have chosen to focus on faith versus fear, I don't live in that despair, so to speak. Or that really pungent feeling of fear is, is crippling. I don't wanna live in that anymore. I haven't lived in that in a long time. And so if you don't live in that and you wake up every day and say, how can I use my story? How can I use my pain to help other people? And that becomes your focus, that's ultimate freedom. Serving is, is joy. It's not just happiness, it's joy. And those two are very different feelings.

Speaker 1: 21:31

No, I like that. And that's why you wrote Walk Beside Me, because you would've loved to have read that book when you were going through this journey. And the only way that that book was gonna work and now it's gonna be made into a movie, is because you had to share the whole truth and you had to expose yourself and you couldn't give the highlight reel . You did it because you knew that telling the truth was powerful and it made a difference and it made people feel less alone. How do you feel about the movie coming out now and the success of the book?

Speaker 2: 22:09

Well, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I searched high and wide for hopeful stories about cancer on any platform. I saw it after books and cinema and TV series to watch and read about hope and about a cancer journey. And what I really found was troubling the typical movie about cancer ends with a funeral. And that's a bit of an overgeneralization, but not far off. And, and so when my book was optioned in 2018 by a team of people to make it into an adaptation of my fictional story, it , it was something that I had always thought , right? It was something that I always wanted to manifest because if I had the courage to share a true story about what I went through and be able to put that in print and be able to showcase it on a movie, then there was no question, there was no doubt that I was gonna be able to help people. The potential was endless. You know, the movie now, which has taken five years, which is about to start filming soon, there's such a space for a cancer movie or an illness movie where at the end of the story, somebody walks off stage and says, I'm, I'm a survivor. My life is good. It doesn't have to be the sad story that we've, we portray in Hollywood. And, and let me talk briefly about illness. So many people think that after illness, your life will never be the same every single day. Your life will never be the same, every day you wake up, it's gonna be different or it can be different. It doesn't mean that after grave illness or great illness, it has to look worse. You just have to build a new house. Mm-Hmm , <affirmative> like when I was going through chemotherapy, I had to build a house in the illness world. But when I was done with chemotherapy, I built a brand new house with a white picket fence. It may have had bruises and scars on it, but it was my white picket fence and I got to choose. So there's this misperception that once you're diagnosed with cancer, and once you have gone through grave illness , life cannot be as happy or not be as joyful. I'm telling you, it can be more joyful when I let go of the fear and when I let go of my ego and and caring about what other people thought of me, that's when I really kicked it into high gear. I'm gonna write the book. I'm gonna find a way to get this book made into a film because people need hope. I'm gonna go back to school. I'm gonna get a master's degree. Everything that I thought that I couldn't do before I accomplished, and that was all after grave illness and years and years and years of pain,

Speaker 1: 24:37

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Speaker 2: 26:58

Let me go back. I, I don't think I was deeply afraid at the time. I think I was just deeply focused on , uh, just accomplishing what I'd always sought to accomplish. And I just wasn't gonna stop a relationship, wasn't gonna interfere with what I was trying to do. My focus was on inspiring and giving people hope seven days a week, 365 days a year. If I could inspire people, if I could make the people feel less bad than I did, that was my focus. And so men and relationships, that was so secondary, it wasn't even , it was it a fleeting thought. So I came into 2020 with like this, oh, I've been through it attitude like nothing can stop me now, right ? Absolutely nothing. What people have seen me go through isn't even a fraction of what I've gone through. There's things I don't even tell people. And so I thought, I'm good <laugh> for a long time. And , and it was almost like this arrogance because, and I had also accomplished almost everything that I had wanted to accomplish. Ironically, over the past three years, I've accomplished way more. But it was because my story changed. In 2020, the pandemic started and I started to have these issues in my left breast, which was actually, well, my left implant, which was actually my cancer side of my breast in March of 2020, like everybody else, the world shut down. But by March 25th, 2020, I was in the hospital for days because I had this infection in my left breast cavity. They sent me home with a nurse and I, they, after they sent me home with a nurse, after she was with me for a couple weeks, now we're in the middle of April, 2020, the world is still shut down. And I'm going through this process by myself, which was really scary. Like if you check , if you check into the hospital on March 25th, 2021, you're most likely one of the only patients in there that is does not have covid because they sent everybody home. Right? And if you're there, you know, there's something really wrong with you. So it was a very lonely time for me, a very frightening time for me. I had to really dig back into this story of faith that I was telling myself and, and the story of self-care. I get home, I move on with my life. A few weeks later, the exact same thing happens to me. I end up in the emergency room again, same story, second verse. I'm there for five days. They send me home. In the meantime, when I'm being sent home, my mother's driving to pick me up, right? I'm 50 some odd or 50 years old at the time. And here is my mother coming to get me, right? So that's like a whole nother ego thing going. I'm like, hmm . So yeah, my, so my self-esteem started to get tipped away a little bit. By June of 2020, the infection had really taken over my left breast cavity. And ultimately I was in the hospital with an emergency surgery. And my left breast cavity was completely excavated again for the third time. But this time it was with the implant. Now I've had three mastectomies, and now the implant is gone and the physical pain is now back because it was obviously a very traumatic surgery. And now I'm faced with having no chest at all because there's no opportunity for reconstruction because this infection has been in my chest for months. Not misdiagnosed, but not diagnosed completely correctly. So I wake up in the, in the hospital and they say to me, there's like five doctors around me all masked up. And they come in, I think a day after the surgery and they, they say to me, would you like to see the catastrophe? And I, I said to them, I said, no, I kind of was really trying not to cry because I just couldn't believe what was happening. And I didn't want to show them my emotion. I didn't want them to see my despair. These are total strangers in the middle of a pandemic. And there was nobody allowed in the hospital. So there was nobody there to be with me from anybody that I loved. So I looked at them, threw my mask, and I kind of batted away my tears and said, I'm gonna wait till I get home where I feel safe. And I'm with somebody that loves me to unveil this catastrophe. And ultimately when I got home, my mother was with me and we unveiled the catastrophe. And it was shocking what it looked like. And it took me a lot , it took a lot of faith, it took a lot of prayer, it took a lot of handholding from my friends in my community for me to ultimately wake up months after the physical pain was gone and say to myself, okay, now I need to use this to help other people. How can I use this? What this looks like to help other people? And I basically called my modeling agency and my manager manager and I said, I need to come back to the modeling. I need to showcase that my value, my beauty was not dissected because I've had now four mastectomies that my beauty was not dissected because I lost my chest. Ultimately. That my beauty, now my beauty comes from within. It is my job to feel beautiful. It's not anybody else's job. It's not society's job. It's not anybody telling me I look beautiful. It's me telling me I look beautiful. And so I ultimately went back to modeling after that and made a big splash because there was a space for it, right? Nobody was modeling without a chest. And, and I felt like if I could do that, I could make a big impact and have a bigger platform to show the hope that I was trying to give people each and every day.

Speaker 1: 32:32

It's incredible. I don't think you made a big splash. I think you knocked it out the park. I mean, it's like kidding me. It , it just was probably the most powerful moment in your career.

Speaker 2: 32:46

Absolutely. Without question, modeling, modeling in Miami Swim week at 51 years old in a bathing suit without a chest definitely made a <laugh> impact .

Speaker 1: 32:56

It , it did. It was so incredible. And the bravery that it took, and here's the biggest test in the biggest way, now you have to walk the catwalk. You have to walk the walk of your life by , for your confidence, find that self love , which has been your platform for so long. And now you have to find yourself confidence again. And your self love . Once that switch flipped and your health improved, you're out of the hospital, you're healing, you , divorce is behind you. You just took the world by storm and you started dating and, and hey, dating is overwhelming even for a model. It has its challenges. I think something clicked in you where you're like, I'm going to go for those bigger brands, those national, the biggest brands in the industry. I'm going to start dating. I mean, it was like, who , wait a minute, how did this person <laugh> ? You'd be like, I'm good, I'm good. I'm all set. I'm not gonna do this. And it's just such a transformation. So tell us about the dating piece.

Speaker 2: 34:06

I felt like at some point that my career was kind of on its course and I had to accomplish , again, I had accomplished what I set out to do. It doesn't mean I was gonna stop, but I was kind of comfortable where I was sitting in the, the professional space that I was in, I was very extremely busy for many years with publishing the book, writing the book, promoting the book, and then book . You know, because of that visibility, I became a social media influencer. And I, I had a manager and I worked for a modeling agency and I worked as a public speaker. And so now I worked for five speaking agencies. And, and so all of those things kept me extremely busy. But at some point I looked in the mirror and was like, okay, well life isn't just about professionalism. Life is about relationships and life is about love. And so I said to myself, okay, let's go back into the dating world. And, and I didn't really wanna be on a dating app because at that point I had a public persona. And I just felt like that would not be ideal. Especially 'cause I have had three stalkers in my life over the last, you know, not recently, but over the last, since like 2016 to 2020. And so it, it, it just wasn't, it didn't feel safe to me to be in a dating app. I met a guy that I liked and he was very comfortable with what my chest looked like and you know, with clothes <laugh> on. And , uh, but again, there , that's a, a whole nother level where you're like finally become intimate with somebody. 'cause that's obviously very personal when you, I have a ton of scars on my chest and it obviously looks very different than a typical woman. I put myself out there and it was comfortable enough and it was brave enough. But if I was going to be this, you know, proclaiming, oh, self-love, self-care and, and not putting myself out in the dating world, then I was a fraud. And so I just put myself out there and I had some ups and downs, but ultimately it's been a process <laugh> , I've been evolving in the process.

Speaker 1: 36:12

You had moments because I think when you're dating, you just have like this spotlight on all your insecurities, right? Oh, I can't fit into those jeans or I have no good outfits, or my hair is whatever's happening. You just focus on that. And you had a lot of, like you said, scars and your arm and, and all these things. But you had to find a way to be like, these things don't matter. I'm a great person. I'm beautiful inside and out. And someone is not going to focus on those scars. There are wonderful people out there. So what was that like, kind of overcoming all that? I mean, I think you probably shut off those voices that weren't helping you and had to turn on the good voices that empowered you.

Speaker 2: 37:04

One thing that I've realized, which is true of everybody, is nobody has bared your cross. Nobody has walked in our shoes ever, right ? We have seasons of our lives that seem familiar, right? There's other breast cancer patients and survivors. And those journeys are so important to share, which is what I do. I'm a storyteller because everybody's journey is different and everybody's seasons of their life looks different than anybody else's. I had to go into the dating world from my own perspective, from my own history and from my own fears and from my own hopes of what it could look like. The people that were mentoring me would say, oh, you're, you know, you're so beautiful and you're so this and that , fine. But it's, it was my job to ensure that I felt beautiful and comfortable before I went into the dating space. And so that's a lot of, that's self-work. Regardless if you have a chest or not, regardless, if you're scarred emotionally and physically, you, you have to do the self-work before you go out there because you don't wanna go out there unsure of yourself, right? Because then you're gonna find people that are not the best people for you. So I did the self work and I did the self care and I put myself out there and I had a really unfortunate incident that I think I've shared with you where this gentleman and I were talking , um, he lived out in LA and he said, I'd really like you to come out to la . And I was like, well, you know, I really think that maybe you should read, you know, about me. And it wasn't because I wanted him to read about me as far as ego. I wanted him to know about my chest. I wanted him to know about my, my history. And so we were texting one night and I went, I said to him, you know what, I'm gonna send you just a little blurb on me. And, and I texted him an article about me, I think it was the article that was in Fashion Week about Christine Handy makes a splash in Miami Swim or something like that. In that article, there are pictures of me with an east bandage and me with a bathing suit without a chest. And so the next day I got woke up and I got a text from this gentleman who said, Hey, I think what you're doing in the world is amazing, but I think your chest is disgusting. And he used so that language. And I was actually with my parents that time and my mom was like, Hey, let's go to the grocery store. And I went to the grocery store with her and I'm standing outside the grocery store and all of a sudden I just start crying. And I'm like a super courageous person and I'm very vulnerable, but I'm also very detached. My mom was like, what's going on? And I, I shared with her what had happened and she, you know, of course she was like horrified that anybody would say that. Like, just to say, you know what? I, I changed my mind like you're , I don't really wanna meet you , whatever. But to say something cruel is a whole nother level. Here's the best part of that story. This is so interesting. So I put it on my social media, I put a picture out there and I said, please read the caption to this is important. So I said to people this week, I explained the story about the guy, but also the same exact week I was hired by the largest lingerie brand in the world to be a breathless model for them. So here's the question, would you focus on the guy or would you focus on the opportunity to work with the largest lingerie brand of the world as a model? And the answer I said to people was, neither, you don't focus on the highest highs and you don't focus on the lowest lows. Because if you do, that's the same rollercoaster of society. If you focus on solid ground, which for me is my faith, that keeps me grounded, that keeps me safe. So I wasn't fixated on the guy who is really unkind and I wasn't fixated on the amazing opportunity. I was only fixated on faith.

Speaker 1: 40:58

You're a better person than I am because I'm fixated on the fact that you walked the runway during fashion week for Victoria's Secrets as the first

Speaker 2: 41:09

No, no, I did , no, I did a , I did an ad campaign for them. Oh ,

Speaker 1: 41:12

The ad campaign . Okay. Yeah, they ,

Speaker 2: 41:13

They took their runway off for a few years because they Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1: 41:16

That's right .

Speaker 2: 41:17

I was a breastless model for Victoria's Secret. I don't, I don't talk about first, I don't talk about seconds , I don't talk about thirds. I was hired to be a breastless model for Victoria's Secret. Like I said, I have a huge history in the modeling space. So it was a good collaboration between us, between , because it was an important message to share. They've got a big platform. I have historically been in the modeling space. It worked out really well. The exact same week. This guy said a terrible thing to me. These are all teaching moments. We can all use our stories to help other people. It's just another example of hope. It's just another example where I can share a story and say, okay, if we wanna be completely stable in society, don't let society rattle you. Don't let society be your rollercoaster. Don't hang onto the weakest moments or the sad , the most sad moments or the highest moments because that really is the, that's a rollercoaster.

Speaker 1: 42:16

You achieved your dream, which was I need to show other women what courage looks like.

Speaker 2: 42:25

Well, my dream every day is to inspire people. My dream every day is to show survivorship. Not just, not just survivorship, but thriving. I don't wanna just survive anything. That's right. I wanna thrive from everything. And so if I can walk in Miami Swim week with a bathing suit at the age of 51 or walk in New York fashion week or or partner with huge brands to showcase that my beauty is an inside job, then that's my greatest dream. And whether it affects one person or a hundred million people, of course I want the a hundred million people because that serves a greater purpose . Well, it's the same purpose, but it serves a bigger audience. It's not self-serving what I'm trying to do. I know the depth of the pain that I felt when I was diagnosed with cancer. I don't want anybody to feel that.

Speaker 1: 43:13

I love this, but guess what? It's our job. You said it so clearly. It's our job to love ourselves and to not just survive, but to thrive. It's up to our choices, but our choices have to do with how we feel about ourselves.

Speaker 2: 43:32

Yeah. In my opinion, my perception of whether I am beautiful or not does not come from any distortion. So we give society the power to tell us if we're beautiful or not. That's distortion. That's how other people can see us. I need to see me. I see my value. And nobody else can be a witness to that or a judge to that because they don't live inside of my body. My beauty is an inside job and only for me to categorize. If I wanna say to myself, I'm not beautiful, then I can do that. But if somebody else can say to me, you're not beautiful. They have no right to say that. They have no right to, to view me as that. It's my job. My perception is not distorted. I am beautiful because I know who I am. I know my character. I'm a beautiful human being. It's never gonna be distorted 'cause I'm not gonna listen to other people ever again.

Speaker 1: 44:23

And nor should you

Speaker 2: 44:25

And none of us should.

Speaker 1: 44:26

No, none of us should. And this is such a powerful message that your beauty is an inside job and you are the most beautiful <laugh> friend and person to me, inside and out. You'll continue to use your story and you'll continue to show up for people and you'll continue to encourage people to be unstoppable. I'm so proud of you, <laugh>. I really am.

Speaker 2: 44:55

Well, I'm just a facilitator. It's really all I am. I'm the facilitator. I have the courage to do it. And anybody that has the courage to do it should do it because there's people out there that need it. But I'm no different than anybody. We all wake up every day and and try to help other people. Like that's my goal. And so if I can be a facilitator of hope, then I'm gonna choose that all day long.

Speaker 1: 45:16

So Great. Well, thank you so much for coming back and updating us and you're gonna have to come back when the movie lunches as well. <laugh>.

Speaker 2: 45:26

Yes, it's coming. It's coming. It's coming.

Speaker 1: 45:29

It's so exciting and it couldn't happen to a better person. So thank you so much. Christine, where can people find out more about your story, about the movie, follow You on social media, all of it?

Speaker 2: 45:40

Well, I'm Christine Handy won on Instagram, but if you just put in Christine Handy, I'm sure I'll pop up on the internet. And my book is called Walk Beside Me, and the movie is called Hello. Beautiful.

Speaker 1: 45:52

Amazing. Thanks so much.

Speaker 2: 45:55

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 45:59

And for now, this week, shot at Love dating tips that are inspired by our guest , Christine Handy. Number one, before venturing into the dating world, take the time to work on yourself, rebuild your self-esteem and love who you are. Beauty and confidence comes from within. And when you love yourself, you can attract the right person into your life. Number two, show up for yourself and others. Be there for yourself and be there for others because when you show up for other people, you save lives. Number three, embrace your scars, both physical and emotional. It's part of your story. Don't be afraid to share your true self and look for someone who appreciates you for who you are. Flaws and all . I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is which Shot at Love is here for, to help you find love, keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. And if you like the show, please subscribe and leave a five star review. I'm Carrie Brett , and we'll see you next time.