Shot@Love

How To Redefine What You Want And Dating Success With Clarity Coach Diana Morris

July 08, 2020 Kerry Brett Season 2 Episode 23
Shot@Love
How To Redefine What You Want And Dating Success With Clarity Coach Diana Morris
Chapters
Shot@Love
How To Redefine What You Want And Dating Success With Clarity Coach Diana Morris
Jul 08, 2020 Season 2 Episode 23
Kerry Brett

Do you want to reclaim and rewrite the narrative of your life? Today's guest is Diana Morris, she's a Clarity Coach, and she is going to help us move from overwhelm and uncertainty to clarity and confidence.

In this episode, Kerry Brett and Diana Morris cover a lot of ground. Topics include;
How to define, align, and design the life you want.
How to have vital honesty with yourself, what you are looking for in online dating.
How not to get overwhelmed with possibilities.
Inaction is not the easiest route.
The importance of getting clear. Figure out the choices and actions you are willing to make.
Focus on what you want and where you want to be.
Drown out the noise, how to figure out who you want to listen too and who you want to ignore.
How to remove negative perception's around online dating. Dating app's are just a tool to help you find true love.
How to navigate transitions? Break it down into manageable bite-sized pieces.
How to imagine greater possibilities then make them a reality.
How to reframe rejection? You may get a no, but you get another chance to try.

Diana was a high performer who excelled at her job but found herself in a situation of no fault of her own. The College that Diana worked for did some unforeseen restructuring, and the result was she was laid off. She knew it was her responsibility to create the life she wanted to live. Since that moment of truth––she started two businesses, wrote and published numerous books, became a clarity coach ––while traveling the world as a keynote speaker.

If you would like more information or work with Diana see below of how to reach her.
Website: www.dianaramorris.com
Rx Intensive 1:1 program: www.dianaramorris.com/rxintensive
Instagram: www.instagram.com/dianaramorris



Show Notes Transcript

Do you want to reclaim and rewrite the narrative of your life? Today's guest is Diana Morris, she's a Clarity Coach, and she is going to help us move from overwhelm and uncertainty to clarity and confidence.

In this episode, Kerry Brett and Diana Morris cover a lot of ground. Topics include;
How to define, align, and design the life you want.
How to have vital honesty with yourself, what you are looking for in online dating.
How not to get overwhelmed with possibilities.
Inaction is not the easiest route.
The importance of getting clear. Figure out the choices and actions you are willing to make.
Focus on what you want and where you want to be.
Drown out the noise, how to figure out who you want to listen too and who you want to ignore.
How to remove negative perception's around online dating. Dating app's are just a tool to help you find true love.
How to navigate transitions? Break it down into manageable bite-sized pieces.
How to imagine greater possibilities then make them a reality.
How to reframe rejection? You may get a no, but you get another chance to try.

Diana was a high performer who excelled at her job but found herself in a situation of no fault of her own. The College that Diana worked for did some unforeseen restructuring, and the result was she was laid off. She knew it was her responsibility to create the life she wanted to live. Since that moment of truth––she started two businesses, wrote and published numerous books, became a clarity coach ––while traveling the world as a keynote speaker.

If you would like more information or work with Diana see below of how to reach her.
Website: www.dianaramorris.com
Rx Intensive 1:1 program: www.dianaramorris.com/rxintensive
Instagram: www.instagram.com/dianaramorris



Speaker 1:

I'm Carrie Brett , and this is shot at LA the first motivational show around online dating. Do you want to reclaim and rewrite the narrative of your

Speaker 2:

Yes , please. Today ,

Speaker 1:

These guests is Diana Morris. She's a clarity coach, and she's going to help us move from overwhelm and uncertainty to clarity and confidence. You won't want to miss it.

Speaker 2:

Stay tuned. [inaudible]

Speaker 1:

Many , Diana was a high performer who excelled at her job, but found herself in a situation of no fault of her own. The college the Diana worked for did some unforeseen restructuring and as a result, she was laid off. She knew it was her responsibility to create the life she wanted to live. Since that moment of truth, she started two businesses wrote and published. Numerous books became a clarity coach while traveling the world as a keynote speaker. Welcome Diana. Thanks for being here.

Speaker 3:

Hello , love so excited to be here with you.

Speaker 1:

This is great. So recently I was on Julie Lauren's podcast, hashtag no filter episode 83 and Diana followed right after me, episode 84, which I highly recommend. I was so impressed with Diana's interview that I reached out to Julie and I asked her to connect us and the hopes of having her on a guest of shot at love. So yay. Here she is. I believe that there are no accidents of life, Diana and I also share a Boston connection. Diana is a graduate of Boston college. She lived in Jamaica, plain, JP, which is a section of Boston and her family lives in Springfield, mass. Now Diana lives in Tennessee working at Vanderbilt where she also went to grad school. Diana, let's start with the first question. I'm so inspired by your work. And I definitely overprepared with my questions. I'm either a super fan or I think I'm Diane Sawyer. And this is an interview for 2020 Diana. Can you tell Diana, can you tell the listeners a little bit about yourself and how you became inspired to help others?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. You kind of touched on it in the introduction, in terms of my professional journey with, you know, my first job, it was right out of grad school. I call it my first quote, unquote, real world job, and then being laid off from that as the organization went through a restructuring and that time really taught me, as you mentioned, that it was my responsibility to create the life I want to live. And from that, I realized that, you know, I had a lot of learning and understanding and I wanted to help other people navigate moments of transition that they were experiencing. So I really formalized that into the clarity coaching that I do now, where I specifically help people, you know, figure out what they want in their life and then pinpoint specifically how to get it. And I really enjoy creating that safe space, the uncomfortable during his self discovery. Um, because when you're figuring yourself out, it's very difficult and uncomfortable. And I enjoy being that space where people feel comfortable and competent and the potential path and the ability they have, they get what they want.

Speaker 1:

So I think many of us are in big life transitions right now, especially with the pandemic happening, you say that, you know, something isn't right. And, or you might feel destined for something bigger. How do you help people get past what you call noise and overwhelm when navigating a transition?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. So the knee noise piece, I really break it down into two types of Marines. And I look at it as external noise, which is essentially anything you're hearing from other people, right? So whether that be your family, your friends, associates, strangers, social media, and external noise is essentially the experiences, the wants, the desires of people outside of yourself, that you've been used to make decisions and figure out your action . And then internal noise is really what your personal desires are. Your wants, your expectations, your needs, your experiences, and how you use those things to make your decisions and take action . And really what it comes down to. It's balancing those two, two types of noises, right? Are you listening to what other people are saying? You should be doing, who you should be, what you should want. Are you focusing on what we actually want to be doing? What you actually want to have, where you want to be. And it's about figuring out and learning which noise to listen to at any given moment, because neither one is a hundred percent right or wrong. It's just about what you need to listen to given the context that you're trying to figure out and navigate.

Speaker 1:

Do you think it's certain age groups? Like I remember when I was in my twenties, I was definitely impacted by what my family thought or my friends thought about my choices now in my forties, I feel like I don't really, I mean, I care and I value, I value their opinions, but I don't really put so much of an emphasis on that. Do you find like a difference between your twenties, thirties, forties?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. I think you just have more time to figure out what matters to you, right? You have more time, more experiences , more opportunities to test out what works for you. What doesn't work for you, who you want to listen to, who you want to ignore. Um , so as you go through life and you have more experiences and experience comes with age, you're able to figure out what best aligns with what you need at any given moment. Um, and I know that, you know, there's always the reframe of people enjoy their thirties and forties and fifties because they just don't give, give a hoot anyone else. And that's really what it comes down to is you're just, you're more tuned to your own voice and your own needs in a way that you necessarily aren't when you're in your early twenties, because you're so used to hearing what other people are wanting from you in those early ages.

Speaker 1:

Right? So when we were talking last week, I felt like you made such an excellent point. I remember, I can't remember if I was saying something like if the pandemic has taught us anything, we should honor the fact that more time isn't guaranteed and to take meaningful action right now. And I asked you, why do you think people hold themselves back and not join online dating? Can, can you talk about why you think people hold themselves back?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. I think it comes down to figuring out what is the point? Like, what are you working towards when you're, you know, if you're choosing to use online dating as a tool and a resource, or what are you looking to get if you avoid using that or, you know , put that to the side of something you don't want to pursue. And I think a lot of times we have, again, when we look at the external noise, then a certain connotation that comes up with online data. When you think about Tinder hookup as et cetera , et cetera , and that is true, that those can be what those resources and tools are used for. But if you consider that there another way to extend your network, meet people that you wouldn't come across ordinarily, especially now that we're all in inside , you can't really go out and meet people in other ways. Um, that might reframe the ways that people approach online dating and whether or not they consider it an option for themselves when they read fine , why are they joining and what they're actually looking for?

Speaker 1:

Great . So you talked about what is your end goal? Are you looking to get practice? Are you looking to just have conversations with different people? And I like what you said, if you don't have clarity, then you're just dabbling. And if you're just dabbling, then your level of investment isn't hot. So that, that will affect your

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. If you're considering, you know, for some folks on my dating is only an option for them. So they realize they recognize that that's one way they can meet a partner, whether it be a long term partner , short term partner, whatever it is they're looking for are the people online, dating is the last resort. Like if it doesn't work out for them, then they're going to be alone forever and miserable. And those two perspectives, the take the level of success or lack thereof that you're going to have, right? If you realize that, you know, I don't need to invest so much energy or be so tied to the outcome of me downloading this app and swiping left, swiping, right? You believe yourself with the pressure of needing to quote unquote, get it right and relieve yourself of the pressure of meeting with every single person. Whereas if you think that it's your last results , if you've put so much emphasis on that being the only way you can have what it is you're looking for, then it means so much more. And if you're tied to whether or not, you know, it's going to go anywhere and it's suddenly faulted anything that you're looking for,

Speaker 1:

It's almost like a balance of, okay, invest in myself, I'm going to join this app. I'm going to be on it. I always tell people, join Tinder gold and do it for one month. Don't buy it for six months, do it for one month because you're telling the universe, I'm going to find someone in 30 days and that may or may not happen, but you're kind of setting yourself up for more success. And if you're invested in finding love, you will find love, but you almost don't want to hold on too tightly. Like this is the last chance saloon. And that's my only way of, you know, less suing a cowboy. So I think, I think you kind of touching upon that, that it's just a tool and , um , be clear about how you're going to use it. Would you say that's probably accurate?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. And even when, you know, in situations where it may not result in, you know, the one, right, it's still giving you information, you can use on the rest of your journey when you're able to figure out, all right , this particular connection didn't match or match or workout because I didn't like the way these punctuation marks, like the way they kind of talk in the conversation, black lad , as you were going through it, you now realize that you have certain needs and expectations in the next person that you need link up with or whatever that case might be. So it's also about redefining what success looks like and not having it only be that you have a relationship with the love of your life, because even if it doesn't work out, it's still going to get you there just a different path and along a different route.

Speaker 1:

Right? I had to have the time that I had on Tinder to become the person that I am to be in the relationship that I have currently today. And I now, I feel sorry for people when they get ghosted by these attention getters, there's definitely people on there that aren't serious and they're looking for more change in their attention tip jar, but there are also wonderful guys who want committed relationships. So you get good at spotting, the red flags and the signs. As you spend more time on the dating app, I , you talk a lot about people's perception. And to me, it was always interesting. The difference of people's perception of online dating. And I found that younger people were all in after 10 attending my swiping soiree, where I found older women were more hesitant. And it's fascinating. The storylines that people create, there's so much fear associated with online dating. How would you help people move past that block of one of the

Speaker 3:

Main things I would encourage people to do is figure out, are you looking for some results or are you looking for the story? Right? So when we talk about perception, as we kind of alluded to earlier, really, you know, online dating has this kind of dark cloud around it where it's like, Oh, you just had to go on an app to find someone, but a lot of people are now meeting their partners and meeting, you know , people, they can have fulfilling relationships with in an online space because we're all online even before the pandemic hit . So for folks who are, you know , kind of hesitant or fearful of online dating, I would encourage them to figure out what is that fair around is the fear around, you know, the possibility that it wouldn't work out the way they hoped it was is the fear around what other people might say if they were to meet someone on that app. And when you're able to figure out what that looks like, you're able to navigate it in a more confident way, because you're able to say, well, again, even if it doesn't work out the way I want it to, there are other things I can take from it. And, or, you know, if I'm concerned about how other people are perceiving this , am I going to listen to that external noise that we outlined earlier? Or am I going to really focus on what I actually want in my life and the ways in which I'm willing to take risks to get it

Speaker 1:

Right. So when I went online, there was no Bumble, there was no hinge. There was just Tinder or match. And I really love Tinder. And I remember telling one of my girlfriends and she would be like, Carrie , I don't know, one person who's on Tinder. Like, have you heard of any Tinder success stories? No, but I knew in my heart, I would find love on Tinder. And in 2020, this is what modern love looks like. Um, when I say that I'm a Tinder success story, people either laugh in my face or get easy about me proudly saying that, but that's the truth. And it's common in today's world. And I guess the story of how you meet seems to be a hot topic. And I don't know, there's nothing wrong with finding love online. Can you talk about, I guess the story or their perceptions and what we are willing to take as fact or what people are willing to rewrite?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. And it's also, I think a generational thing as well, in terms of more people than millennial age men , millennial generation, we're just used to meeting people online and online spaces , creating online communities. Whereas older generations are used to meeting people either through breads or like across the , the hall in your apartment, your neighbors or people at work. And a lot of times relationships are defined by proximity. So when you're able to consider, you know, what your proximal region is, when you're limiting it to places you can physically, then in your mind, you're only going to think that you can meet people in space . If you can meet them physically. Whereas if fear , think of your proximity and your overall neighborhood, as, I mean, five miles away, 10 miles away, 15 miles away, you're able to see that the story of your relationship can start in an online space. And that also comes into the perception of what's real and what's valid. What makes a relationship real? What makes it sustainable? Um, and really looking to see that again, this is just one other way of meeting your end goal and your end desire of finding someone, finding a partner to share your life with, or share the evening with or whatever it is you're looking for, but really being open to rewriting how you expect things to go versus how they happen based on your actions and your decisions.

Speaker 1:

Right? I got divorced with a baby and back then, no one really was getting divorced with a baby, especially in the town that I lived in. And it was, it's definitely more common and more accepted. And when people would say, I can't believe you're getting divorced with a baby, I knew it wasn't ideal, but I knew that I had to rewrite the story. I had to rewrite my story. And so people don't really like to talk about, well, it's important to have the bravery to change your life if you're unhappy in your marriage. But people , um, are more inclined to say something like, why did you leave wall street to become a yoga instructor? Or, but you don't here . You know, why did you leave your marriage with when you had a baby? And marriage is a type of status. And, but the reality is half of the people who get married, get divorced, and then people internalize this as a personal flaw, a failure of the time devoted, you know, that investment that you made. And you gave an example of how upset we get when celebrities get divorced. And I'm still not over Jennifer Anniston. People put so much importance around people's decision around marriage

Speaker 3:

Really is because it's one of the goal posts , right? It's one of those things where kind of the quote, unquote American dream and be the markers of adulthood and making it that were kind of fed from a very early age media society, etc , is , you know, you go to school, you find a job along the way. You find a partner, you settle down with them, you buy the house, you have a couple of kids, maybe a dog bite ticket . Then you stay at the job forever. You retire. And then you go on a world cruise. And that is what life looks like, right ? So when we see people upholding that vision and those kind of benchmarks that hitting them, it confirms the world as we've been taught and kind of programmed to see it. We think in order to be successful, we have to have the posts in order to be happy. We have to meet these benchmarks items. And it just a thing to aspire to because that's a common narrative and trope that's repeated over and over and over again. So when we, when we find ourselves in a space where we either don't want those things, or we want those things, but they don't work out the way we thought they would, or we feel as though we can't attain those things. It becomes an issue becomes, well, we are doing this thing wrong. I've met you. He said we would be together forever and promise to be each other's, everything you are the way that I'm going to have success as defined by other people. So when we see folks, you know, getting divorced or we're seeing relationships, then they're wondering, but we did everything, right? Like we checked off all of the items to why isn't it working out the way we want to. And it's really about rewriting what we define as success, readable , writing what we give our self permission to want and do, and really giving ourselves the space to change our mind any step of the way, right ? You can want all those things and then wake up and be like , actually, I don't like this job. I'm really not good friends with the person who has said that I, you know , am attaching myself to, am I brave enough? Am I going to tap into my resources so that I can make a different decision based on what I now know?

Speaker 1:

Right. I love this rewriting the narrative. I mean, for me, I was looking for my soulmate, but ended up with a degree in psychology, specializing in narcissistic personality disorder. And now I have a podcast. So I'm reframing that, Hey, I went through some hard times, but I'm having a lot of fun, helping other people and created in the creation of shot at love. You can really reframe anything, but why does it take people so long to come to that decision, to leave a relationship or make that big life decisions?

Speaker 3:

It's really, you know, the , do you have a sunk cost, right? We feel as though, well, I've invested all of this time, all of the penetrate , all of these resources into this thing, whether it be a relationship or a job you've stayed at task the time, you know, you should stay at it. Um, and we're wondering, well, if I leave it now, is that saying that I failed or did I just lose the best years of my life? And that is one way to look at it. You can also look at it as though, you know what? I took everything from this by needed it no longer serves me. So I'm going to move on to the next thing that really aligns with where I am now. And it's really all about being able to, you know, have clarity, has the opportunity to give herself a chance to be who you actually want to be because no one else has asked them to give you permission to do that. You have to make the decision that if I'm not happy here, if I'm not being fulfilled, if I'm not getting what I need to get from this particular space, what other options do I have? And which one do I want to take here ? And now

Speaker 1:

I liked that. So you quiet. The what if scenarios, you know, that the constant, like I'm overwhelmed. What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't find love online? Um, I don't know what , um , I mean, you're not going to know what you're looking for online. If you don't go out with a lot of people. Um, so I like how you say what is possible rather than, you know, what will go wrong. I guess, you know, you , you talk about imagining greater possibilities and making them a reality. How do you help people set up boundaries of how they spend their time working to, you know, say working towards their goals.

Speaker 3:

It really goes down to like, what are you willing to give? Right. We all have the same amount of time in the day for hours. There's always a quote about like Beyonce has 24 hours. Yes, she does love her, love her work, but she also has , um , team people on her team helping her navigate certain things, grocery shopping , um, fixing up the house childcare, et cetera, et cetera. You have your 24 hours. So what do you have on your team that you can really, you know, delegate and put out your energy in different ways. And then when it comes to your boundaries, it's about figuring out what these 24 hours that I have with this energy that I have, what do I actually want to be giving it to ? Right. So I want to be spending my time and energy in relationships that aren't serving me. Do I want to be spending my time and energy and conversations that are just gonna frustrate me just to say I was there or do I actually want to be living a life where I feel fulfilled and have the uncomfortable and realizing that I'm making the most of what I think gets to stay me , wake up as a kid . So why spend it in a way that you actually don't want to be spending it? Right.

Speaker 1:

Right. Well, you talk about that. Being comfortable and comfortable is that knowing it's like, Hey, I'm in this relationship and it's terrible, but at least I know that it's terrible and it's comfortable. I mean, I don't know. I think, I think everyone gets to their point when they know, they know at their core that this just really isn't, this is time for a shift and this really isn't serving me. And I like so on hashtag no filter again. Thank you, Julie, for connecting us. I said this quote and it was so great. And the quote is the best that can happen, remains to be seen. And I , and I think people who have a lot of hard setbacks almost don't believe this. Why do you think that that is

Speaker 3:

Because we don't know right. At the end of the day, none of us know what's going to happen next . I'm pretty sure when we all, you know, counting down on December 31st and , you know, making our new year's resolution, no one had this on their vision board. No one had a global pin. Dennis would have in five, four months on our vision board. And, but that's what happened. So I really think it's important to be open to the best case scenarios, still plan for the things that can go wrong. Right? Always be realistic in your optimism, but also being open to the magic. And the wonder of life, life is filled with ups and down . But if you're just staying stagnant, if you're staying constant, then you're really not living, but I liken it to an EKG line. So for all the Grey's anatomy and how sands out there, I'm basically a medical doctor because I've watched, obviously this phrase , the EKG line is essentially the heart monitor, right? So on the machine, you see the lines going up and down, up and down. And that essentially is tracking your heartbeat. That's showing that you're actually alive and you need the line to go up as much as you need it to go down. Because again, it's monitoring your heart rate or call all of that. The minute the line goes sadness, that means your heart is no longer beating. You are no longer alive. And I just let you met to life in general that there needs to be the up and down because that's what life is all about. And then that is where things are stagnant. The minute with things are just kind of a straight line. That's where people start feeling like, you know, I'm actually not getting anything out of this . I'm feeling like I'm stuck . I'm feeling like I'm in a rut. I'm feeling like I'm wasting my life away because there's no, there's no change in it. There's no up, there's no down. There's no way for you to really recognize the tools you have to move forward. So when I think about that, quote of, you know, the worst that can happen is no , the best that can happen remains to be seen. It is literally the worst that can happen is known. And you know, it's in the realm of online dating. Let's say you get ghosted, let's say the president respond to you. Okay. Then that's your know , move forward. The best that can happen remains to be seen. You don't know what's on the other side of that slide. You don't know what's on the other side of that job application. You don't know what's on the other side of that text until you actually find out. So that's really what I try to encourage people to remember is just try. And if it works excellent, if not, at least, you know, and you can move forward,

Speaker 1:

Right? He's not the one next and that's it. And you have to just keep moving forward and who cares? Cause he's not supposed to be the one who's with you. And, and you also say this great quote that it's is in quote, be okay. Not knowing and enjoy the road to the answer. I love that. It's I think it's hard, but I think if you, my friend Kelly used to say, enjoy the dance. And I used to want to scream into an empty bag of Doritos when she would say that to me, because I just felt like dating was so painful. Um, but she's so positive that that was her way of saying, be okay with not knowing and enjoy the road to the answer. And I do think that that is, that's a really, really great quote. And also this one was really took me. And I know that this is , this is kind of depressing, but there's , there really isn't anything more powerful than this kick in the ass. And to quote you again, their version of hell is meeting the person they could have been. If only they got out of their own way. I can't even, where did you even come up with that?

Speaker 3:

So it actually came from one of my friends that I went to undergrad with and we were sitting around and kind of just reflecting on, you know, life, you know, you had those, those moments of union with your friends and talking about, did you think it would be like this hard thing selling ? And she said it and I just sat down and it took my breath, believe it . I just keep bringing it up to people because when we really consider what could have been, right, what do we consider? Like if only I had just given it a chance, if only I said have done X , Y , Z . And we realized that the only thing that was, that was us, that made that you signed up for your disappointment, right? If you are the reason why you're not getting the things you want, you can add this decision to be disappointed and the best way to do that is to not try. And I realized, and I also want to balance it out with the idealistic side of things. Um , so I call it like realistic optimism and just being strategic in the decisions that you are making. So, you know, when you want to talk about online dating, cause you're sitting at home, if you're in your car and you're saying, you know, I really wish I had someone to share these moments with. I really wish I had someone to go on this journey of life with . I really wish I had someone like walk in the park and spend an evening with, if you're saying that that's what you want, but you're actively avoiding and discounting a resource that's available to you to increase the likelihood that that thing can happen for signing up for your disappointment, because you're not taking full advantage of all the tools at your disposal. And that's really what it looks like when we talk about, you know, clarity and pinpointing how to get the things you want in life is to take stock of all the resources and has , and make sure you're leveraging them and utilizing them the best way possible.

Speaker 1:

Right? Yeah. That's a great way, you know, you're signing up for your disappointment. So I would definitely sign up for one of these dating apps rather than do that. And I downloaded it . So if you email Diana, she's going to email you back. Um, what would you call?

Speaker 3:

Yes . So it's a starter guide to helping folks from older bone fusion, into clarity and confidence and certainty and how to decisions moving forward. So it goes through my biceps framework that I use with my one on one clients , so that you're able to again, take stock of where you are and figure out how to get, where you want to go.

Speaker 1:

I emailed you and I got that and I read it cause I'm super fan the three things. And I thought it was excellent. And you have three things, you know, you need to define, align and decide. And so I thought this would be kind of cool to say, how do you, so the first one would be how to do , how do define an online dating? So w w what would we get clear about what we ask ourselves about?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. So for this first part of the framework, it's really, you know , defining and having vital honesty with yourself. Right. And I can, and I use the word vital honesty very specifically, because it's very easy to say, Oh, I just want someone who is all. And they, you know, have some type of degree and they make however much money and on the surface level . Okay. That's fine. That's easy to say, but like, what do you actually want out of a partner? What do you actually want out of the person who you're spending your time with? So getting really clear about your list and why are those things on your list in the first place, and as redefining really think about what are you looking for out of the app? What are you looking for out of date? And you're looking for a longterm partnership, a short term partnership, having that clear definition of what you're working towards. We'll let you know when you, when you've gotten it right. If you don't know what you're working towards, you'll never know if you've actually achieved what you're seeking.

Speaker 1:

Right. Okay. So how would you align in online dating? And when we were talking about this earlier, you said, hint, you're already more ready than you're giving yourself credit for. And I, and I love that. So can you kind of dive into aligning an online dating ?

Speaker 3:

Yes. So the alignment that really comes into our actions and the things that we do and the things that we don't do. Right. So a lot of people, you know, we always realize and think about how are we taking action moving forward? So what things are we going to do tomorrow? What things are going to do the day after. And that's the easy part. What I really love about this, that when I pray to my clients to do is to really take stock of things that have already happened. So reflecting on your previous actions and seeing what worked there, what didn't work, right. So in the past, what did you like about your previous relationships ? What didn't you like about your previous relationship? What do you wish you could do differently? Those scenarios that may have popped up, what would you do the same? I want to be able to align not only your page fashion , but also your past action to the things that you said you wanted in the define stage. You're better equipped to figure out the path he needs to take to get there.

Speaker 1:

Okay. And then the last one is how to decide. So how would you decide to take a small step or a big step? Why don't you maybe just touch upon that or if you can.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. So the decision part is one of the most important parts of that framework, because it requires you to take some type of action, right? So we all know that there are 50 billion things we could be doing at any point. It's really about figuring out what is the one thing that you can do as soon as possible to help get in closer to the things that you say you want. So using the relationship or using online dating, for example, you're saying that you want to meet someone new, you want to extend your network, have more options. Then you need to decide to download that. You need to decide to figure out what five pictures, all you have. You need to decide to figure out what funny Quip you'll have in your bio. You need to make those small decisions because those positions are going to be the ones to add up over time. And I know a lot of mistakes that people make is that they sit on their options and they're so overwhelmed by possibility that they don't know which one to do and which one to take. But I tell folks all the time that indecision is making a decision, right? When you opt out of it, you're deciding to stay exactly where you are. And again, adding up here to this point , but when you don't get the results that you say you want and need

Speaker 1:

People think the easiest route is no route or that inaction, but really is , is it, I mean, it's not helping you.

Speaker 3:

It's not, I mean, on the surface level, it might seem easy, right? It's very easy to not say something or respond when someone makes a comment that you're not a fan of. It's very easy to just, you know, stay at the job and just clock in the next day. Sure. But you're also navigating that feeling of stuff, the trail that comes with it, because you knew you should have done something when you opted not to. So you're still, there's a cost for an action. Even if it's things easy on the onset to stay in that relationship or stay at that place or stay in those situations, you still have to deal with the recent questions, whether it be that the hesitation, the self doubt , that feeling of self, the child that I spoke to. Um, so the question is , is it actually easy for you at the end of the day?

Speaker 1:

Right? So for the person who's worried or afraid, but is taking action and getting out there. One of the biggest things that you have to overcome is the part of being rejected. And, you know, I love this one , another one of your quotes, and you say man's rejection is God's protection. Love it. How do you, how would you tell someone or show someone how to reframe reject

Speaker 3:

One of the best ways to do it is just to reflect on your life so far. Like there have been points of rejection. I'm willing to bet every step of the way of every decision or thing that you've attempted at some point in some way, and yet you're still here. And a lot of times we take rejection as a reflection of us and our value and what we have to offer , um , and , and change shared. And we spoke a little bit about when I was laid off from my job, that was a huge rejection. Because at that point I had , um , conflated so much of my identity and my value and my worth to the things I did for an employer, right. My professional identity became my personal identity and it wasn't until I was able to separate the two and realize that I am not my job. I'm just a person with certain skills that I'm using in a certain way, for a certain mission of a certain organization that when that organization left, when that job left, I was still able to be the person with those skills, doing those things. And when you look at it on a relationship side of the house, when we think that we are only as good as having a partner, why don't we think that we're only as good as the number of likes we get was number of swipes . We have the matches we had , it becomes very easy to use that as the metric. And then there was the , uh , adjusting to comes personal because we take it as a personal reflection on the VR. And when you're writing the story and when you're remembering who you are and what you have to offer, it's very easy to reframe it as well. This just wasn't good for me right now. I don't need to know by , I don't need to know, you know, how I didn't need to know that this wasn't it. So I can now pivot and figure out what is it based on who I am and what I actually want

Speaker 1:

Kind of leads me to my last, I have to, this is what has to be my last question, which I'm very sad about. Just met for a time, because I just love how you show people their value and inspire them to make changes and to shoot for the stars. But we talked, we talked about how, and I've never really thought, I never really thought about this before, but we talked about how people compartmentalize themselves. So there's Carrie , the photographer of this carry the podcast host is carry the girlfriends , carry the mother. Um, can you talk about how we tend to chop ourselves up into these categories or why we do that? Yes. So

Speaker 3:

It's really, you know, it makes a lot of sense on the surface level, right? Because we need to be a different person at work. It requires different parts of us. It requires different things from us. We need to be a different person in our friendships. We can show up differently those spaces where different people, when we're dating, I'm going to put, you know , the best foot forward. But I also liking it too , like the cable company, right? If we've all had the pleasure of getting on the phone with the cable company and having to be transferred from one department to the other, having to tell our story over and over again, being placed on hold because on the back end, they haven't updated their record to reflect what the last person or they haven't updated their records to show all the steps and the things and the experiences that we've already had to date. That's a lot of red tape, right? No one likes bureaucracy because it's inefficient. So when you kind of put that to personal life and your personhood , why would you want to act in silos? Why would you want to put such distinct barriers between who you are at work, who you are in your personal life, who you are with friends, who you are when you're by yourself, it gets very confusing. And you also limit the ways that those things can help amplify each other. By putting up these silos, by putting up these blocks , you may be overlooking resources that you've have in each category that can help the other one move forward because you're just one person. So the compartmentalization is really where both Tencent stuff, because they don't realize the ways in which, you know, the person you are at work can help the person you are with your friends, which can help the person you are with relationships. And when you're able to see yourself as a whole being with multiple parts to you , multiple resources, multiple tools, multiple values, and you're able to live life in alignment and feel like yourself in whatever space you're in.

Speaker 1:

Okay. Yeah. So it's like we do have what it takes. We have the skills we have value. And I think this episode was so wonderful because I think everyone needs to be encouraged or that little push to be our best selves and to create a life that we've never dreamed imaginable. So Diana, thank you so much for being here today. I think you're the magic you are and I hope you come back for part two and I already have the episode written .

Speaker 3:

Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Alright . Oh Diana, can you tell everybody how to reach you and find your website, all of the good contacting for information?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. So my website is Diana R amora.com and that is also Instagram handle. I'm mostly on Instagram. They've been fine yet. Diana are a Morris . Um , so definitely reach out. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this . Any questions you have to find information about my coaching program, because I am accepting clients for a new program where I taught all about compartmentalization and how to bridge the gap between who you are and multiple aspects of your life. So I look forward to connecting.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to be looking up your coaching program after this episode. All right . Well, thanks so much again, and I hope to have you back on shot at love real soon. And this week's Tinder tips. Number one in honor of today's guests , Diana Morris, and I quote a man's rejection is God's protection. If it doesn't work out, he's just not your guy. And there's a higher power sending you a message. Number two, Diana was so good. I have to quote her again, be okay, not knowing and enjoy the road to the answer. Number three, write a pros and cons list of why you should join online. Dating the easiest route. Isn't no root inaction, not your friend. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. If you'd like me to photograph you for your online dating profile, I have a new shot at love promotion. Contact me for details. You can find me on my website, Carrie Brett , lifestyle, portraits.com or DM on Instagram. Carrie underscore Brett I'm, Carrie Brett , and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 3:

[inaudible] .