On-Demand Dating Tips For Millennials With Dating Expert Lindsey Metselaar

Today's guest is We Met At Acme, host Lindsey Metselaar. Lindsey is a dating expert and the "Dear Abby" for Millennials. We Met At Acme, is a podcast for millennials about dating in NYC. We Met At ACME has almost 40,000 Instagram followers, so her podcast is a big deal. 

Lindsey is also the CEO of Lindsey's Lunchbox. Lindsey is a food Instagram influencer, with over 125,000 followers. Lindsey felt we lived in a generation of suppressing, not expressing. Lindsey's podcast touches on subjects we all want to know about but don't talk about. Lindsey was interested in shedding light on these touchy subjects. Lindsey's interviewed lots of cool people, even the bachelor, but why I love Lindsey is that she's most interested in helping others.

We are all in this together; everyone is confused and has a hard time dating. Lindsey is that guide who offers advice. Kerry and Lindsey discuss all things dating, and this episode is packed with helpful information. Topics include:

How different dating is during COVID-19. Strategies shared so you can be successful in dating whatever age you are.

Dating tips discussed: Be the first one to end the phone call. It's hard to do, but it's a power move.
Be the first one to jump off the text correspondence. 
Do not put up with bad behavior or ignore red flags. If you think he's a snake, then he's a snake.
Always ask questions while texting, be interested in them. 
Show up with good energy. Bring positive vibes to the conversation.
Never ask what are we as a status, don't interfere. Never ask, are you, my boyfriend?
Do not send a thank you text the next day after the date. Thank him on the date and leave it.
Don't be so available. Don't fake being busy, actually be busy.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. It's important to have no expectations.

@wemetatacme
www.wemetatacme.com
We Met At Acme is on all platforms you find podcasts.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

I'm Kerry Brett, and this is Shot@Love. The first motivational show around online dating. We have such a special guest today. She's the Dear Abby for millennials and the host of the podcast We Met At Acme. It's a huge honor to have Lindsey with us today. And we're going to talk about all things dating. You Won't want to miss it. So Stay tuned.

: 0:34

Lindsey Metzler is a creator of, We Met At Acme. We Met At Acme is a podcast for millennials about dating and NYC. We Met At Acme has almost 40,000 Instagram followers. So her podcast is a big deal. Lindsey is also the CEO of Lindsay's Lunchbox. Lindsey is a food Instagram influencer with over 125,000 Following along. Lindsey felt we lived in a generation of suppressing, not expressing and Lindsay's podcast touches on subjects. Things we all want to know about, but don't talk about. Lindsey was interested in shedding light on these touchy subjects. Lindsay's interviewed lots of cool people, even the bachelor, but why I love Lindsey is that she's most interested in helping others. I'm going to read this quote because it reminds me of Lindsey. I'm not interested in how you stood with the great I'm interested iff you sat with the broken. We all have times that we feel broken. We need that person who will listen while offering advice to help us get back on track. Lindsay Metzler is that kind of person. Welcome Lindsey!

Speaker 3: 1:43

Thanks so much for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:46

I'm so psyched, You're here today. Lindsey I'm so honored that you graciously agreed to come on, Shot@Love. We've never spoken. So I've been trying to find out more about you. I listened to episode 65, which was the reasons that you started We Met At Acme. I feel so connected to you because you experienced a bad breakup and you thought to yourself, one of two things could happen here. Instead of being crushed by that person who broke up with you, you could turn it into art. So you decided to help people who were struggling with dating. We both feel compelled to help others. I'm so impressed how you put yourself out there in such a big way in your twenties. What did you think when you first started We Met At Acme? I mean, did you ever think it would be what it is today?

Speaker 3: 2:33

I don't know. Like, you know, you have an intuitive, just feeling about something. Like, I love the name and I was so excited about it. I just, I didn't think anyone would listen to it because at the time, no one really listened to podcasts for like, you know, um, people were a little bit older who were getting the news that way. Um, but there wasn't any like millennial listeners around. And luckily like, you know, as I started mine, a lot of other millennial related podcasts popped up. And so people started listening to more and more podcasts. And then I got so excited.

Speaker 2: 3:11

Fascinating to me is how you have all these followers. I mean, I photograph celebrities for a living. You would think I would have people following along, but I don't really, I shoot all day and I edit all day and I just can't stand. I never was like a big fan of like posting and how to get that many followers is just fascinating to me. How did you do that? I guess.

Speaker 3: 3:42

Yeah. Well, I actually was, um, I was doing social media management before I launched the podcast. So when I launched it, I already had some strategies like in my pocket and one of them was making sure that my listeners were engaged with, with the podcast. And so one way I did that with on Instagram, I would do these poll questionsiquestions In that people could answer and i nteract with. And I k inda like, I know I have a good read on people and maybe that will be b red i n me. And so I know that, y ou k now, people like to talk about themselves. And so I just gave them their own platform to answer, you know, these yes or no questions, these red f lags o r deal breaker q uestions, and then would talk about it on the podcast.

Speaker 2: 4:31

I think that's amazing to engage the listener. So I think it's a little trickier for me because when I first started writing all this material to help people learn how to date, I targeted people who were really isolated and it was more 40 to 60 year olds. And they're not really Instagram savvy, but they, but they are like calling other people, you know, like they're all networking through my podcast and they're, they're out, they're out there. So,

Speaker 3: 5:04

Yeah,

Speaker 2: 5:06

It's interesting. I mean, I'm definitely going to need to learn how to do like a poll question on Instagram and just like, wait for my 16, 16 year old daughter to get home. Like it's so sad. Um, but it's like a generational thing.

Speaker 3: 5:21

Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2: 5:23

You guys grew up with this.

Speaker 3: 5:27

We did. No, I was just going to say, um, we, we did. I, well, I guess kind of, I mean, interim, wasn't a thing as I graduated from college and then I figured it out.

Speaker 2: 5:42

It's so weird. Cause I'm only how well do you know I'm 29, 29. So I'm about 18 years older than you, but it feels like I'm like a grandmother Of your dating advice and I'm so pumped chair. I think you're amazing. And I'm so proud of you that you figured all this out. I mean, when I was your age, I was having a child and knew I had to get out of my marriage. Like you're so ahead of the curve. So you're, you're not gonna be like on Tinder at 43. Like

Speaker 3: 6:19

You never know, but if you had to, you could do it.

Speaker 2: 6:26

So we both share this love of astrology. And I laugh out loud to myself when I listened to your podcast. Because when you interviewed different people, you're like, wait, that guy you dated, what was the sign? And I've never met him. I've never met anyone else who does that Utah.

Speaker 3: 6:45

So you're an Aquarius, right? Yeah. I need to know what were your exercise obviously?

Speaker 2: 6:53

All right. So I had a problem with Leo's and Leo's I had to give up Leo's actually, I live with the Leo, so that's kind of a lie, but

Speaker 4: 7:03

My producer's time. So,

Speaker 2: 7:07

Well, Leo and Aquarius is Sean Penn and Madonna. It's like war of the roses. It's just like Jerry Springer time. Like it's awful with the opposites attract. I convinced myself to be with my boyfriend now because he's on the cusp the day. So he's like, cancer is more cancer in his chart than Leo. So he's July 23rd. So he's the day. He's a cuspal Leo, I should say. Um, but he, he has like the temper of a Leo and he loves to shine brightly. Um, Aquarians are we're in, um, innovators, humanitarians, uh, we, we come up with the out of the box ideas, but we don't need to be like in the limelight, which is kind of like why I love the podcast. Cause you don't have to see me. I can just talk. Um, but I had, my ex husband was a Leo, my ex boyfriend that I lived with for a long time was a Libra. So I knew all about leavers.

Speaker 3: 8:17

Yes you do.

Speaker 2: 8:18

Yeah. So we were the perfect match to the day. How crazy is that?

Speaker 3: 8:24

Meaning like you are the same numerology, same number. Yep.

Speaker 2: 8:28

We're both born on the 11th.

Speaker 3: 8:30

Wow. Love it.

Speaker 2: 8:33

So that's kind of interesting. And so you're a Libra and you are with a cancer. So the stability of a cancer, that grounding force is good because I always feel like, Oh, Libra is like free flowing. Like that's why you like to just like wing it. You're like a pendulum swinging. Do you feel like that? Right?

Speaker 3: 9:00

Yeah. We changed our mind a lot.

Speaker 2: 9:02

Change your mind a lot. And that's why on one of your podcasts, you said I used to like a guy, I used to love the guy who would like need to dip a toe in. And I don't, I don't think that was something that, um, was like being young or whatever and not having like self worth. I think that was a true LIBOR characteristic.

Speaker 3: 9:26

Oh, for sure. Because then, I mean, it was like reverse psychology. Like they weren't that invested that I didn't have to be that invested and then I didn't have to make any serious commitments. Right,

Speaker 2: 9:38

Right. So I love when you say, I want to end this podcast with Lindsey's best dating tips, which I've written down and I can, I mean, I didn't have time to binge every single episode if we met at Acme. But what if I did have time? I would have, but one of the things that you said was never asked what we are and you were like, we're done.

Speaker 3: 10:02

Oh yeah. Never, never asked what are we, because I will say nothing now. And maybe that, that is really the Libra in me. Like don't corner us. That's not what we're about.

Speaker 2: 10:14

Right. I used to say I'm kind of the same way. I think there's a lot of similar characteristics between Aquarians and li and Libras. I used to say to my, well, I used to say, I would say when I went out with a guy, the first date, I would say if we have a second date, which is probably not going to happen. Cause it was very, if I went on a second date, we would move in together. Like within the first time it was like all in or not. And I used to feel like if you send me flowers, I'm out.

Speaker 3: 10:46

Oh yeah. I mean, it's like, it's like, it's almost efficient. Like, why are you that interested? That suit? Like you don't know me.

Speaker 2: 10:56

So I know the thing that you talk about on your, uh, Oh my God is, you're done. You're done. I'm like, he's,

Speaker 3: 11:03

There is a dog.

Speaker 2: 11:06

I have a few too. I'm trying to translate your advice for my 40 to 60 year old listeners. And I've learned so many millennial phrases from your podcast, like slide into your DM. Like I'm like, you guys have your own language, your job, your generation is fascinating to me. And you've even inspired me to join tech talk so unload. I love it. Right. I'm like going to get a shot at love t-shirt and like start doing like my daughter was showing me. I'm like, yep, I'm going to try it.

Speaker 3: 11:45

I can't wait. I have to follow you.

Speaker 2: 11:48

All right. So I'm looking to connect with the younger audience because like book the rules. And I know you recently interviewed the rules, um, coauthor, Sherry, Sherry Snyder, which was, which was amazing. But some dating advice. I'm like this girl called it. Like, I would tell people like Lindsey got the woman who wrote the rules. Like isn't that incredible? And people like what? Uh, what's the rules? And I'm like, all right, I guess, I guess I'm like a serial dater, but the rules, I could talk 10 episodes on some dating advice stands the test of time. For sure. Yeah. What dating apps are most popular for people in their twenties? Is everyone just like rocking RIAA or

Speaker 3: 12:34

I can't stand RIAA. I think hinge is the most popular RIAA to me. Yeah. Ryan to me is for people who really care about their social media presence, um, which is not someone that I would ever want to date. I'm really lucky in that my boyfriend actually doesn't have Instagram. Um, and my ex like barely went on it also. So for me, I think an app like hinge, um, you know, Bumble Tinder, those are much better suited for millennials who are looking for something. In my opinion,

Speaker 2: 13:12

I was on the early evolution of hinge and it was like really sad. Um, because they were like, Carrie you're so early, we have to wait for more people to join so we can connect you with mutual Facebook friends. And I remember like lying in bed, thinking my life is pretty sad. I can't even, I can't even like match with someone on hinge, but it just dates me how early. Um, I was to this like revolution of online dating. I feel like

Speaker 3: 13:41

You were obviously ahead of the game.

Speaker 2: 13:43

I was ahead of the game. Yeah. I mean, I figured out Tinder when it first came out and I'm kind of regretful that I sat on all this information for basically four years of dating my boyfriend. And then a lot of things were happening. It was like the me too movement. And I had had all this information that could empower women. And I'm like, alright, I guess I'm going to start a podcast. And that's when I first started the swiping soiree. And then that led me to launching this podcast, which I'm so grateful that you're on today. So if anyone doesn't know what Acme is, it's a place that people in your twenties go to to meet other people. And I love how you said you never could get into Acme. That's why you named the show that, um, and now you can, but now you can get an Acme. Thank God. It's such a great name. It really is. I love it. So everything's so everything's different now our governor, Charlie Baker recently said that bars in my state won't reopen until there's a vaccine for COVID. So young people aren't meeting at say an Acme currently dating has certainly changed during the pandemic. What is the most significant changes you've seen during this pandemic?

Speaker 3: 15:02

Well, I think like 90% or something of people are online dating now. So I think that is a huge change. And that's up from like 50 or 60%. And I've noticed, you know, people are, some of the people that I know are that are dating or like throwing some of the rules out the window. Like for example, you know, I would say don't go to someone's house on a second T um, but now it's like, don't go to a public place. You know, like maybe someone's house is safer, right. Um, yeah, go to a murderer. Um, and like, I think some people, you know, who would normally wait like 10 days to have that, like maybe they've been talking virtually for so long that by the time they meet in person, they're ready. Um, so I think things are a little bit different in that sense right now.

Speaker 2: 16:02

Right? So it's like Rose and Jack on the Titanic, like the ship's going down. So we might as well.

Speaker 3: 16:08

Exactly. They better, they better get in that car with the theme.

Speaker 2: 16:15

I know dating's hard. So say if you're working single mother juggling work, kids childcare to date online, but I hear over and over again, the dating is expecially hard for millennials. I know it's not the same, but it's all hard, but in different ways, why do you think it's so hard to date as a millennial?

Speaker 3: 16:34

I think millennials have so many options. Like you see, you know, the dating app, you could just swipe someone away in two seconds and find someone else. And I think people see that and people see these like fake relationships on Instagram that they think are perfect. And they're always comparing to other people and it's not real life. It's not reality. Whereas, you know, when my parents were growing up, there was no comparison. There was no way to compare unless you went on a double date. And I think it was so much better for people's relationship to not feel like they had to compare and to not have as many options. It's like when you pack for a vacation and you bring all your clothes, you'd never know what to wear, but if you pack and you bring like four staples and you're going to wear all of them and you're going to appreciate them and you're going to come up with them, you know, as opposed to being totally stressed out and not really knowing who to pick.

Speaker 2: 17:31

Right. That's interesting. So I think you do an excellent job of staying present. And I think that's a common thing that young people like they're rushed. They need to get married and he needed to check all the boxes rather than focusing on. Is he making me happy in this moment for me being divorced and then living with someone for almost a decade now that I'm in the four plus year relationship with my boyfriend, it's like, people are like, they don't even ask me now. Like you're going to get married. I mean, for me, I just want to get my daughter through high school and into college.

Speaker 3: 18:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:10

Changing now it's during this pandemic, people are like, all right, I can't have a wedding now. Or why are we spending all this money with job uncertainty? And I think staying present for someone your age is like the best thing. How do you, how do you do that?

Speaker 3: 18:26

No, I mean, it's really hard, but you kind of have to, first of all, I'm a huge proponent of therapy has like, you know, because obviously, you know, I told you to listen to episode of night therapist, but therapy is so helpful. Especially, you know, for millennials, we tend to have a lot of anxiety and get overwhelmed easily. So being able to have someone, if you can afford it, or if your insurance can cover it or if you can find it, you know, who teaches you little ways to stay present. That's great. Um, I think also like being in gratitude, whether that's writing a gratitude list or doing acts of service, to be helpful to others, you know, that really helps you stay present. And also just switching off sometimes, like, I don't have the luxury of doing it because my whole job and like, you know, how I make my living is on social media really for the most part and media in general. But if you don't have a job that's centered around that, you need to unplug sometimes and you need to, you know, just have like a weekend where you're a normal person and you're not scrolling through other people's lives. I feel like that's so crucial.

Speaker 2: 19:41

Do you feel like there's a lot of unhealthiness around that? Um, and I know you've done a lot of therapy and work on yourself and I, and I love your therapist and I love how she's teaches you mindfulness and that wise mind. Right. I think that's pretty interesting. This is why I'm saying you're so ahead of the curve. It's, it's awesome. But we didn't grow up with, with therapists, you know? Yeah,

Speaker 3: 20:09

Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:12

Buried down deep and don't talk about it. And, um, whatever. And so

Speaker 3: 20:18

Right. Like therapy was seen as like, you really had to be crazy to go to therapy,

Speaker 2: 20:23

Like your BA you're definitely. Yeah. Why are you going to therapy? So I, I did love your episode with your therapist and I'm proud of you that you've figured all this stuff early on. I didn't figure this out until I was about 43. So we all go through dating people that were the wrong person and we can all plead guilty to overlooking red flags. And I love how you say, if you think he's a snake, guess what? He's a snake. And I like to say, if he walks like a duck quacks, like a duck, guess what? He's a duck.

Speaker 3: 21:00

Yup.

Speaker 2: 21:00

Was one of the stories you had a guest who like put, like she was at the bar with her boyfriend and she put the like discoverability setting on her phone. Do you remember that episode?

Speaker 3: 21:10

I think so. What was the result? Do you remember? She, she could track

Speaker 2: 21:19

The location of her boyfriend and I was like, Oh my God. Like I could always, bro, I would have done that. I would have been the person who did that. And it's like,

Speaker 3: 21:28

Right. I mean, I think that that's like toxic. Like if you have to track them, right. Probably not. That's probably a red flag right there. Um, but yeah, exactly. Um, you know, we had one woman who was in a relationship and the guy like didn't talk to her all weekend. So like, things like that. And it's just like, you know, why are people putting up behavior?

Speaker 2: 21:54

Right. And I love how you talk about that, because talking about that helps that even if it helps that one person go, huh?

Speaker 3: 22:03

Why was he right

Speaker 2: 22:07

Here? I think that's just like a big thing. Like vanishing. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 22:10

Yeah. So not normal. It's not normal.

Speaker 2: 22:14

No, he's a snake. P S he's a snake in the grass. Um, good luck. Chuck was a movie and I love everything. That's all movie related, but it came out in two, 2007 and it's a romantic comedy starring Dane cook. And I have to date myself because I photograph Dane for the cover of the improper Bostonian in 2006 when he was in the movie with Jessica Sensen, I can't remember the name of it. Um, but it was the movie that came right before. Good luck Chuck. And he used my image for the cover of his MySpace.

Speaker 3: 22:54

Isn't that funny?

Speaker 2: 22:56

But I mean, I should have picked up some social media pointers from him. Um, tell the story of why he used to say you were good luck Chuck, or why you stopped saying that.

Speaker 3: 23:08

Yeah. It's so good luck, Chuck. Um, you explained it well, but to, for anyone who hasn't seen it, basically he sleeps with someone and then bright after they find their true love and get married. Um, and I think because of, you know, the comparison of him not being great to them and like being kind of a deck, they fall in love with that person just cause they're comparing them to someone who's doc. Um, for me, I wouldn't say that I suck, but I weirdly was like the last person or a few exes before they found the love of their life and got married. I don't know why that was. Um, maybe it had something to do with my noncommittal, uh, nature in the past, but maybe, you know, that made them really want to find someone who was more stable, which is funny because now I'm not like that at all, but that's what was happening for awhile. I was like, good luck checking people. And it was really funny.

Speaker 2: 24:12

It's interesting to me how you said that. Like, cause you're already saying, you're almost like saying I you're not going to, you were pushing them away by saying that, right.

Speaker 3: 24:24

Oh for sure. Right.

Speaker 2: 24:26

But that's what you do in your twenties. Like you can do that.

Speaker 3: 24:29

Exactly. Yeah. I was great at pushing people away for awhile. I mean,

Speaker 2: 24:34

That's what happens. I mean, that's why people in their twenties say I don't like Tinder. I feel like it's a hookup site. Like you guys are all figuring it out. And my mom used to say, no one in this house is getting married before until they're 25. And I feel like she was so right, because 25 to 35 to 45, like you change every decade. You're a completely different person. Like what you want or what, what you find attractive. I mean, I feel like, do you feel like you've grown so much just from the three years of doing we met at Acme?

Speaker 3: 25:10

Yeah. I so so much. I mean, when I first started it, I really was a baby. Like I was 27 and I didn't know anything. And I thought I knew everything and I still don't. I still don't know much. I mean, I'm still learning so much, but I find that even when I was into old episodes, I don't really recognize that person.

Speaker 2: 25:35

My, I had this writer at the magazine that I worked for him. He was like a lot older than, than me. I hang around with young people because that's how I learned. And my dad's like that too. Like he's like I learn from, from you and your friends and I'm learning from my podcast. Like my daughter's like, mom, you need to be more, you need to not talk about just guys. Like you have to say like they, or, um, you just have to be more caring about the gay community. You don't know who your listener is going to be. And so I learned that from you and you're so respectful and of everyone, I love that. And maybe Ben listen or transgenders, listen, and whoever you just don't know, who's going to be your friend or who's going to be your fan. And, and that I learned from you like, cause you guys are, you guys are going to be the generation that makes change for sure.

Speaker 3: 26:40

Yeah. I'm learning about all of that too. Yeah, it's great. It's amazing.

Speaker 2: 26:44

So I love how kind you are. And you said on one episode that we're not in this alone, but everyone has trouble dating online and you are that go to person for dating. I know a lot of people don't have that friend from college or that older sister that you could call. And once I started lecturing about online dating through my swiping, sorry, I was blown away. How much people just don't know? I used surprised that there's so much confusion still.

Speaker 3: 27:10

Not really actually, because as you know, you just said like not a lot of people have an older sibling, not a lot of people have a friend who can guide them and who can tell them about their own experiences and not really something parents can talk to their kids about because it's a little outdated for them. So I'm not surprised that people need this guidance. I mean, there's like not even sex ed in school.

Speaker 2: 27:38

Yeah. One of my episodes, I had the CEO of one love and they're in maybe like their, their education about healthy and unhealthy love is in like almost 80 colleges, which is amazing. And now they're branching into high schools and they're teaching kids like this is unhealthy and you will be isolated and this is scary and all the police and like, I love that we had no information. And then you wonder why people end up in these situations. It's common for the younger generation to maybe push back on some of these, like say like the rules, the book, the rules. And I feel very strongly that you have to wait for the guy to write you first, but I know you feel like it's all fair game. And I feel like this is like definitely your generation who should mesh it message first. But I think you're just, you don't realize it, but you're so confident and so pretty that you can basically do what you want online. Um, what are some of the smart things that you did when you were up?

Speaker 3: 28:41

Yeah. Um, I mean, I, I do think that you can message first online. Um, but then like you, you have to let them initiate the date. I think that if you don't take it too seriously and you're just like lighthearted about it. That's great. I also think that you always need to ask a question. Like I see these girls, I mean these conversations and guys almost don't somebody's and why is this conversation at? And I'll be like, because you gave them nothing to work with. Like you have to ask someone a question, like, even if you don't care, you have to seem interested. And so I think that's a big one. I also think, yeah,

Speaker 2: 29:22

No, like you're right. Like ask that question and people like to talk about themselves, right? Like you said, that what's in it for me. You have to respond to these guys and you can't be two of them.

Speaker 3: 29:33

Exactly. So ask them question and then also just like the good energy, like don't talk to someone they're in a bad, make sure you're bringing like positive vibe to the table because people can sense when you're not, you know, being positive and when your energy is off.

Speaker 2: 29:51

Right, right. Cause no one likes a Debbie downer. Like they want like positive winners. Right.

Speaker 3: 29:59

Right. And women want positive men and men want positive men and women want positive women. Like there was no one that doesn't like, right.

Speaker 2: 30:07

And life is hard enough. And so if you're going to have that, like timeout or that moment to talk to someone you want to be uplifted, I think you're just like me that you always see the best in people. And you mentioned that you're, this is the best. Uh, you mentioned that your past relationships were trash bags. I mean, I can't even, I love this so much. You didn't, I just love how you say it you're like trash. Um, but you didn't realize that you were looking for the wrong person. And you mentioned before in, we talked about this LIBOR trait, like, let's see how this goes. How do you think you ditch those types of, I call them like failure to launch guys. How did you like ditch that or not find that attractive anymore?

Speaker 3: 30:56

Yeah. I mean, I guess I just, you know, grew out of them and I just realized like, when someone, when someone really likes you, like they'll show it to you and it's not cute to the like, you know, a badass, when you are getting closer to thinking about having a family, you want to be able to picture your partner as a parent. And I did not picture a lot of those guys and dads for me and for my future. And I think I realized that I wanted to be with someone who I couldn't picture it because it's so important to me.

Speaker 2: 31:35

Right. So like, you don't want to have a baby and then have your boyfriend and have your husband like be at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Like you want someone who's like in the trenches. I mean, mysterious is cool, but not so mysterious that they're not available. I'm going to end with these rules. And I don't want to end this conversation. Cause I, I know this is the first time we talked, but I already love this conversation. And I feel like it's going to help people for sure. In whatever age that is. But, and you might even want to like add some of your top dating tips, but I wrote up a few of your greatest hits and please feel free to comment. So number one, never ask what are we? I think we're good.

Speaker 3: 32:24

Yeah. We talked about it, but don't do it. Don't corner them. Um, you know, let it come up as opposed to, don't try to interfere.

Speaker 2: 32:35

Right. I really don't think you can push this one at all. I, I feel like I broke every rule and I definitely pushed it. And I feel like you've, you've challenged a lot of the rules yourself. When I, when I was dating on Tinder, I had had it and I just really demanded what I wanted. And so I don't know, no one likes to be cornered. It's always fascinating to me that people who give ultimatums to get married and then like that happens. What do you think about that?

Speaker 3: 33:02

Oh, not for me. Um, no. I've had friends and relatives do it and it's worked out for them. But for me personally, I want someone to want to be with me without me having to give them an ultimatum. Um, or at least being able to have a conversation about it without them being afraid or not being ready. Because I think those are red flag behaviors.

Speaker 2: 33:31

Yeah. It's so interesting to me how it like works for some people and doesn't work for others. Why did you get to this point? Why are you guys not on the same page is interesting to me.

Speaker 3: 33:42

Right? Like how, how come you're living? You got in there, but I've never talked about getting married.

Speaker 2: 33:48

Right? So number two, and this is a big one. When people are a little bit older, they really don't know how to use Tinder and, and texts back. Like they they're like, thank you for your correspondence. Like they don't really know what to say. So when texting, always ask a question back, I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like so many people don't do that.

Speaker 3: 34:11

Yeah. You'd be surprised. I mean, people have been like, I had the best date and then they didn't text me after. And I'm like, well, how did the Decaux? And they were like, it was amazing. And I'm like, because you talked about yourself or did you learn about them? And a lot of people surprisingly like talked about themselves and they thought that it went well.

Speaker 2: 34:32

Right. That was basically my first date. Like I changed my boyfriend. Like he was my therapist. I was like crying and it's really bad. I mean, he was such a nice guy.

Speaker 3: 34:42

It was in a bad way. We've all been there. Totally.

Speaker 2: 34:46

Which leads me to, um, I'm going to skip ahead. I'm going to make this number three. Do you not text? Thank you. After a date. And I did this and I actually did a double tech. So I texted him the next day and it was like, thank you so much. Or the date? Um, I found like license and my credit card, whatever. Cause I had lost both of them and he didn't respond. So I sent it again like two hours later. Like don't PS don't do that.

Speaker 3: 35:13

Oh no, definitely. I know now. Right.

Speaker 2: 35:17

But again, I didn't have that older sister. I was the only person on the planet on Tinder. Everyone thought I was crazy. Like it was early evolution. So I didn't ha I didn't know, to a, not double text, send a double text. And I always say, thank you. Like I wasn't raised by wolves. Like you talk about that where you thanked him on the date. So you don't have to thank him again. You just wait for that next text that comes from him.

Speaker 3: 35:48

Exactly. Like, do you think that if we, you know, appointment paid for dates, guys would be sending you texts again the next day? I don't think so,

Speaker 2: 35:56

But again, these, I know it's not rocket science, but these are like small things that make a big deal and whether or not people have a real chance at having a relationship. So number four is be the first one to end the phone call. And this, this is great because I have this thing called the Irish exit where I try to teach people, always be the first person to leave that text correspondence, like bell ghetto, especially like late night, like just disappear, pull that Irish exit and that you have that. But it's the same thing. It's like be the first one to jump off the phone call. I think that's a hard thing to do, but it's, it's gonna put you in a better position.

Speaker 3: 36:45

Oh, for sure. It's not easy, but it's definitely a power mode.

Speaker 2: 36:50

It's definitely a power move and it's definitely necessary. And then you say, so limit yourself to two drinks on the first date. That's a good one.

Speaker 3: 36:59

Yeah. I just don't think that you should get floppy. Like no one likes that.

Speaker 2: 37:04

And,

Speaker 3: 37:05

And you also want to know like, if you actually like them and you don't really know if you're a little tipsy,

Speaker 2: 37:11

Right. And the other one is don't be so available.

Speaker 3: 37:15

This is just like, have your own life. Like don't fake being busy, actually be busy. Right.

Speaker 2: 37:21

Right. Which leads me to another thing that you say, which is kind of like, don't take it so seriously, men come easily and freely. And if you put so much stock in that one date, like you're hanging on by a thread. I feel like,

Speaker 3: 37:34

Yeah. I agree with like exactly. I mean, that's, it's just like, why are you putting everything in their basket? There's so many patients D like just going with no expectations. Maybe I'll make a new friend.

Speaker 2: 37:49

I love that. That's great. Lindsey, thank you so much for your time today and tell my listeners how they can find you or how to listen to we met at

Speaker 3: 37:58

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. You can listen to, we met at acne anywhere you listen to podcasts or, um, you know, you can also go to our website. We met@acne.com for more information and you can follow us on Instagram at we met back me. Okay.

Speaker 2: 38:13

That's great. I highly recommend your podcast. I think there's so much information around online dating, and I think you're doing such, you're putting such good in the world and thank you for your kindness and caring. And I know people gained more strategy around online dating today. So please come back anytime.

Speaker 3: 38:33

Thank you so much. So glad we got to chat and have a great day. Thanks Lindsey.

Speaker 2: 38:43

And now for this week's Tinder tips, number one, don't be too available and don't take it all. So seriously. Number two and honor. Today's guest Lindsay Metzler. If they his leather buy it like a snake, guess what? They're a snake in the grass. And the third one is a quote from Lennon. Doyle. First comes, the pain then comes the weighting then comes the leap, right? I hope you found this week's episode inspiring or helpful. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up that commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. If you'd like me to photograph you for your online dating profile, I have a new shot at love promotion. You can contact me through my website or DME on Instagram. I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 1: 40:05

[inaudible].