Feel Confident, Prepared & Make A Great First Impression With The Speaker Coach Candy O'Terry

Today's guest is Candy O’Terry; she's an award-winning broadcaster and Boston's beloved radio voice. Not only does Candy have over 30 years of radio experience, but she's also a communications expert and has a new podcast, The Speaker Coach. Coach Candy is a master at grabbing people's attention, and she shares her strategies on this episode. Did you know you only get 5 seconds to make a great first impression! It's not what you say, but how you say it. Candy teaches us how to express ourselves and to improve our communication skills so we can become more successful at dating.

Kerry Brett and Candy O’Terry cover a lot of ground in this episode. Topics include:

How to learn the art of storytelling.
How do you set yourself apart?
How do you grab someone’s attention in today’s fast-paced world?
How do you become memorable in someone else’s mind?
Having good communication skills matter, and they set you apart.
How to revamp your voicemail. Do you sound like someone you want to call back?
Lose filler words because they undermine your credibility.
Learning the power of the pause is very useful and puts you in a place of power.
Humor sells.
There is power in silence.
Use fewer words to get your point across.
What you say last matters, so you need to make the ending count.
How to make people interested in what you have to say.
You only have 5 seconds to make a first impression.How to connect on a zoom call because you are one step removed.
The art of using your voice to show true engagement.
Lighting and positioning of the camera with improve your zoom dates.
You only get one chance to make a first impression.
What you have to say matters, but how you say it matters more.
You can hear a smile or disinterest through the phone or zoom call.
Your voice is a tool, and this episode teaches you how to use it.
How to prepare for a date to appear more confident.
How to make that lasting connection.

For more information about Candy O'Terry you can find out more on candyoterry.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is shot at luck. The first motivational show around online dating today's guest is Kaneohe neoteric. She's an award winning broadcaster in Boston's beloved radio voice. Not only does candy have over 30 years of radio experience, but she's also a communications expert and has a new podcast. The speaker coach coach candy is a master at grabbing people's attention. And thank God she's here because you only get five seconds to make that great first impression. It's not what you say, but how you say it. When we come back, candy will teach us how to express ourselves and how to improve our communication skills. You won't want to miss it. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2: 0:52

[inaudible]

Speaker 1: 0:53

Candy and Terry lovingly known as candy O is the first lady of Boston media candy spent 25 years on air at magic one Oh 6.7 in Boston. But what she loves more than anything is bringing inspiring stories into the world. By interviewing women who do great things, despite obstacles in their paths. In 1993, she created the award-winning exceptional women radio show. And in 2018 launch the story behind her success podcast series she's even interviewed over 700 women. Now she's tied all our gifts together as a broadcaster, voiceover artists and communication specialists in her new podcast. The speaker coach today, we get to spend some time in candy land with great honor. I welcome my friend candy Oteri

Speaker 3: 1:44

Oh, wow. I love the way you said magic one Oh 6.7. It was like perfect. And it's delightful to be here in your gorgeous studio, by the way. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:54

This is just so incredible. It's really surreal. So candy has a heart as big as her talent. I first got to know candy when she was highlighted in a book that I did with my dad called Boston inspirational women. And in January of 2019 episode 51, I was a guest on your show, this story behind her success. So we didn't, we didn't talk about the work that I was planning. I was planning on launching my swiping soiree and I did a month after that podcast aired. And that was my first podcast interview and never in a million years. Did I think that I would have a year later my own podcast, which is so crazy.

Speaker 3: 2:34

You know, I remember when we talked about it and you had told me your secret that you were thinking about doing it, you know, and my thought for you then was this podcast world is like the wild, wild West. You know, it's like this new frontier and totally go for it. Shot at love is the coolest name for a podcast about dating that I'd ever heard before. And you're the perfect host. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 3:00

Well, speaking of the wild wild West, that is what like the world of online dating is, uh, especially Tinder. It's been an interesting ride and I think that's what we have to do when you join these online dating sites or start a podcast, you just have to go for it and see what happens because you never know.

Speaker 3: 3:16

I don't know if I've ever told you this story, but I met my husband online. I met him on match.com and I didn't use my usual headshot and I didn't use my full name. I used my initials. I said it was a singer and a writer. And I did their 90 day, you know,$45 fee or something. Now this is back in that day. Like this is like 19, no, 2005. Yep. Anyway, I start like getting all these winks. People are all starting to wink at me and my daughter's calling me up from college going mom has to go in today. I'm like, I cannot talk to you. I'm on the love line right now. I got boys winking at me all over the place. This is so exciting. And the whole thing was so new for me. And by the way, my success story is that I spoke to three people. One was a single dad in Framingham, who was a lawyer with a golden retriever. I thought that was very interesting. And his three daughters that he was raising on his own, the second was a middle school principal who was 40 something and had never gotten married before warning, warning, warning. And then the third guy was this person who could just write so well and spoke to me and I could hear his voice through his emails. And I married him a year later. We'd been married for 14 years. So it's all about how you express yourself right online. It's true.

Speaker 1: 4:46

I went out with my boyfriend because how he texted me and he would be, he would be like, I don't know why I'm writing these record breaking long texts. He cared. And he, he was determined.

Speaker 3: 4:58

I will never forget the first line of an email that Tom sent to me. And it went like this, pour yourself a glass of wine and put your feet up. I have a story to tell you, wow. I mean, you know, again, it's how you express yourself. It's the words that you use.

Speaker 1: 5:17

It's true. It's true. One of the first things my boyfriend said to me was this is the universe talking to us. And I was like, who talks like this?

Speaker 3: 5:27

This is how I talk. And then you were like, and give me more.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Totally, totally. So today I thought I'd start off this episode about the true inspiration for this episode. And I reached out to you because I was inspired by a new episode called mastering the elevator pitch on your new fabulous podcast, the speaker coach. And I listened to these episodes, not once, but multiple times because I'm still, and it's amazing. So if you have a podcast out there or you're thinking about starting a podcast, this is your show candy. Can you tell us what is the elevator pitch and how did it originate or, cause I don't think everyone's familiar with it.

Speaker 3: 6:12

Well, there's actually a story behind the term elevator pitch. There was a senior editor at vanity fair magazine and he was always trying to pitch his stories to his boss who was the editor of the magazine. You can identify with this, right? And then one day he saw her getting into the elevator and he thought, Hmm, she's alone in a small space. And there's nobody else in there. I'm going to pitch my story. And he had to do it in a short period of time between when they stepped on the elevator. And when she got off on the 36th floor, there came the idea for an elevator pitch, which is simply expressing your idea in a memorable way, in a short period of time, anywhere from like 30 seconds to two minutes, because that's how long it takes for a ride in an elevator, right?

Speaker 1: 6:58

You taught me how to do an elevator pitch and it's basically it's right

Speaker 3: 7:04

To the point and it also needs to be memorable. And that's what I try to teach. All of my clients think about this. If you start doing a laundry list, hi, my name is candy Oteri and I've been on the radio for a really long time. And I've interviewed all these people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not as exciting as saying something like I'm making this up right now. If you ever talked to 700 women, I have, I got a lot to say, hi, I'm candy Ontarian. I've been on the air for a long time and I've got a podcast now and I'd like to tell you about it or whatever my pitch is, whatever my idea is, you've got to hook them. Right. That's the art of telling a story, right?

Speaker 1: 7:45

And it's also putting your personal story out there. Like I joined Tinder when I was 43 with a 13 year old, you know, it was whatever, you know, you have to try to, and that's what you have to do with these text messages. And it was amazing with the things that guys would hold on to with that. I would say like, I wouldn't, I remember one guy would, he would say, okay, do you want, do you want to go out with me? And I, I remember one time I just wrote done in disco. Like I would do.

Speaker 4: 8:13

Yes. I do think so big. Like,

Speaker 1: 8:19

And he would be like Dan, and just go, I mean, Ooma Thurman said it in a movie, you know? And I'm like, all right, I can,

Speaker 3: 8:25

The thing is Carrie that you only get five seconds to make a great first impression or a first impression of any kind, okay, this is universal. And usually it's it's face-to-face okay. But in a virtual world, like we're living in now with zoom and obviously in the online world and the texting world, when it comes to dating the words that you type on your screen, the text message that you send, it has to be something that breaks through how do you reach through that device and get somebody's attention? That's the key.

Speaker 1: 9:01

I remember we were in Nantucket and I was trying to help one of my friends and she was texting someone on Nantucket. And I said, why don't you just write, how's the rock treating you because you know, that's what, so it's like a cooler way of saying like what's happening on the Island, right? I always had this crafty way of putting it out there because they're either going to go for my personality or not. But if you don't have good banter with that person, then you're not going to get the date. You know,

Speaker 3: 9:31

I noticed, and I think this leads to success in dating and the curriculum. I will say the conversations that you have with all of your listeners around the world, by the way, is that you have to be authentically yourself and get out of your own way. Don't put too many filters into things. Just say what you're going to say and, and stop worrying about every single word and just be who you are, give that person a glimpse of who you are and make them want to hear more. Right? That's the key, that's your elevator pitch for shot at love. Awesome. So I

Speaker 1: 10:13

That's true. I mean, I don't know any other way to be other than myself, so I don't have those builders. God didn't give those to me. But, um, I knew that the only way I was going to survive, basically on anything that I do in my life is just being myself. And I think people get really tripped up and you know, and they get nervous and they try to portray this person, but let's be real. I was a working single mom. There were many days that were not pretty and I was tired or whatever. And I had to just make a joke about it.

Speaker 3: 10:47

I just had a realization as well. And that is that in any kind of communication between two people, whether it's virtual or whether it's face-to-face, whether it's through texting, you need to think to yourself, what's in it for them. Right. What's in it for them. It's not all about you. You're trying to find someone that you might enjoy spending some time with. So give them a glimpse of who you are to see if the, you know, it's almost like you're dropping a line in the water, right. I'm looking for fish here. I am. Okay. And I guess that's why I just figured this out.

Speaker 1: 11:26

That's why they call it plenty of fish. But anyway,

Speaker 3: 11:30

Um, so I, I guess that's what I would give your, your listeners as a piece of advice, get out of your own way. Don't try too hard and understand that it's not about your end game. It's a little more complicated than that. It's about getting someone to want to hear more, right? Like you said, how are things on the rock? You know, that was a little bit different than saying, hi, how are things on Nantucket? You know, just something that's a little, a little more interesting,

Speaker 1: 12:02

Like I'm your Coppertone girl, you know, like just put a little spin on the summer and use creative words. And I love telling stories and love exaggerating and making things up to make people laugh. And so I just use those things that I would normally say in a story in my text messages. I like what you said. You know, people love to talk about themselves too. Now more than ever, people want to be inspired and they want to be encouraged and what you say matters, but how you say it matters more, you don't necessarily have to have something interesting to say, it's how you say it. Can you talk about that? Sure.

Speaker 3: 12:39

And I'd like to talk a little bit when you say it's not just what you're saying, it's how you say it. I'd like to talk about what happens when you finally do get a chance to talk to someone. Maybe there's a phone call. Can we go there to the, to the actual speaking part? Sure. Okay. So listen up everybody because you know, hiring a speaker coach or a communications coach is extremely expensive and I'm giving you this advice absolutely for free. So listen carefully. Your voice is a tool. It belongs to you and no one else. And the best thing you can do is figure out how to use it. It's like a tool in your toolbox. So the first thing I want you to do is I want you to listen to your voicemail. And I want you to ask yourself the question. Do I sound like somebody that someone would want to call back bottom line? Okay. I said to my husband a few years ago, you know, it's like, hi, this is Tom and blah, blah, blah. And, uh, you know, call me back. And I was like, you know what? That sounds like, pound sand. Why would I ever want to do that? You know, smile, if you would please. And that's the first piece of advice that I would give to your listeners. There is so much power in a smile. You can hear a smile through the phone, right? You can hear a frown through the phone. You can hear disinterest through the foyer. And so I would say smile, open your mouth a little bit wider than you normally do, because a lot of people kind of mumble a little bit, especially when they're feeling maybe a little shy, right? Make sure your volume is at least normal. Okay. And normal is, you know, a five or a six. I sure don't want you to, you know, yelling on the phone, but make sure you can be heard open your mouth just a little bit wider smile when it's appropriate and give somebody a taste of your personality by thinking about the words that you are saying, it's as simple as this. Okay. Let me give you an example. I love you. I hate you. You make me so angry. Well, what am I doing? I'm my voice to express my emotions now, right now, you and I are in front of each other. And you're seeing that I'm using my body language as well. By the way, you can use body language. Even when someone can't see you because it translates right through the phone. But my point here is whatever you say, make sure you are tuned into what the words mean. Don't just talk to talk sound like, you know what you mean when you're talking on the phone, right? Have conviction conviction, but also authenticity and a connection between how you're feeling and what the words you are saying mean,

Speaker 1: 15:33

Right, right. A good storyteller, you know, believes in that story. You're in that scene, they paint that scene for you, that you feel it, that you're there with them. I'm back to this elevator pitch because this is my inspiration. And I think there are a ton of similarities when grabbing people's attention, either with a successful bio or that initial banter via text messages. If you were going to say like one thing, that's the key to a good elevator pitch. What would you say?

Speaker 3: 16:05

It needs to be memorable period. And end of discussion. There needs to be something in that short little description of yourself. When you first get a chance to talk to someone or go back and forth on text, that makes you unique and memorable.

Speaker 1: 16:19

Right? So I think these bios are just too generic.

Speaker 3: 16:24

Totally. Absolutely. I also think that some people have a hard time writing their own bio. I really believe that I don't have a problem with it. And I don't think you do either, but I know so many people and so many of my clients who have a heart, Oh, that sounds so conceded. Oh my God. I can't say that about myself and to them, I say, well, okay, so then get your best friend to write it or have a communications coach. Write it for you because you need to jump through the hoop and get somebody's attention. Right. You know? And, and also please, Oh God, I'm begging you. Don't give me the laundry list of your accomplishments. Don't do it because people don't care. What's in it for them.

Speaker 1: 17:10

Right. Exactly. Exactly. So you only get five seconds to make a great first impression. And the key is like you said to be memorable. Now you say this on the, on one. I think on that episode, you say that people can hit a home run before they even start to talk. Can you give me some examples of that?

Speaker 3: 17:31

Sure. So you can hit a home run even before you start to talk. Now this is in-person or this is on a zoom call where you're actually seeing someone. This requires visuals, which I know you love as a photographer, right? Our body language is a silent message. And the silent message is what people are looking at body language. And first impressions are universal. Doesn't matter where you are in the world. As human beings. What we do is we scan someone up and down and we get an idea of not whether we like them, whether we trust them. That is what first impressions are all about. Do I want to come closer to this person? This goes way back into evolution and being, you know, fight or flight. Okay. Do I trust this person? Do I want to spend more time with this person? And that's what happens in those first five seconds. So the way you walk are your shoulders back is your chin up? Are you confident as you stride? Are you closed or are you open? Are your arms crossed? Are your legs crossed? And ladies, your legs are crossed. Your arms are crossed. You're sort of falling into share a scrunched in evolves, rushing, okay. Or are you scratching your arms on either side of the chair? Your chest is open. Your chin is up your smiling. You're making eye contact. This is a first impression. You can hit a home run before you even open your mouth.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Wow. That's a lot to think about. Yes it is. It's an interview folks. It is, it is an interview. That's what you're doing. I mean, these, these people are screening you with the text to say, if you have it together, right. If you've got their attention. So now we've got to think about these things before a date. And that's why I always would say know where you're going. Figure out where you're going to park. Go a little bit early. If you want to do a once-over before you sit down, if that's going to make you more confident, know what you're going to eat, take away all the confusing things.

Speaker 3: 19:47

Decide what you're going to wear two minutes before you're getting ready. I was notorious for that. Oh, that's such a bad thing to do. But you know, when you first let's, let's talk about, get out of the car. You're walking into the restaurant. How are you walking? Check yourself. Okay. Is your head up? Are you discombobulated? Which is a word that my mother used to. You know, you got your coach, you got your purse, you got your briefcase. Maybe you're just coming from work pre COVID. And you're just, you're just all over the place. Make sure that you're not encumbered. Leave what you don't need in the car. So you're not like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Where should I put all my things? You know, make sure you're put together. When you walk into that restaurant and that your stride, your, your vibe is confident. And you just mentioned something to me. And I want to pick up on it a little bit. You talked about preparation. Preparation is one of the most important attributes. If you want to be confident, because fear is the number one killer of confidence and fear comes from anxiety and anxiety comes from not being prepared or not being certain about what's about to happen. And that's where all the sudden you start having less and less confidence. And before you know it, your shoulders are down. Your head is down. You're just not on your game. Right?

Speaker 1: 21:18

I agree. I agree. This is great. So we're going to stop for a short break. But when we come back, Candy's going to teach us how to make that lasting connection.

Speaker 5: 21:29

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Speaker 1: 22:02

And we're back with communications specialist and long time radio star candy. Oh, radio's stuff. So candy. You are one of the best communicators and a great storyteller. And you believe in your message in today's world. Everything is so fast paced and no one has any time. Why is it important to have great communication skills or maximize this short period of time?

Speaker 3: 22:30

Because you want to set yourself apart. That's my number one answer. You don't want to be like everybody else. It's not that hard to do what I coach it mostly has to do with self-awareness. That's how you become better at anything. Isn't that so true. Right? And so I would say to your listeners, communication skills matter, they set you apart. I want you to start looking at yourself a little bit more objectively, and if you have a best friend, I want you to ask that person. What's your impression of me? You know, when I walk in the room, am I normally looking confident when I leave you a message on a cell phone? You know, how do I sound, you know, someone who cares deeply for you and will tell you the truth and don't get mad at them for telling you the truth will help you tremendously. There are a few things that we can walk through the first is that people are very dependent on what we call filler words and filler words will undermine your credibility. What do I mean by that? They make you sound like you don't know what you're talking about. So if you're leaving a voicemail message for someone and you say, hi, I'm it's, um, candy. And, um, I, I saw, um, your taxed and, um, I had really, um, I'd really love to meet you for, uh, for a glass of wine, all for God's sake. Really? All I said was, hi, it's candy. I got your text. I'd love to meet you for a glass of wine. Okay. That's just, without the filler words, women in particular men do it too, but women do it twice as much using filler words, because we are conditioned. We are socialized as women to smooth things out for people to make things easier and better we're nurturers. So we try to fill space to move things along. Sometimes stop doing that and learn the power of

Speaker 1: 24:27

The pause. I love the power of the pause. I didn't realize I did it once on my first podcast interview on your show. And I just was quiet and for a second, and it was, I went back, I listened to it and I was like, wow, that was very dramatic of me. That was a dramatic moment on Candace.

Speaker 3: 24:47

Okay. So let me tell you what happens in your dramatic moment, Carrie, Brett listeners, we're like, Whoa, what's she going to say? They lean in to hear what's the next thing you're going to say. So two things happen. Number one, you haven't used filler words. You have an undermined your credibility. Number two, you've got the listener's attention because they wonder what's this amazing thing that you're about to say. So the power of the pause is win-win, here's my favorite example of the power of the pause. We go to music for this, a song that I've probably played on the radio 2000 times, maybe more Whitney Houston. I will always love you. David Foster producer of that song. He wanted to create a moment in the song. Everyone knows what I'm talking about, right? Just before she says, okay, there's a drum kick that comes in and there's a moment of silence there. It defined the entire song for generations. Yeah. That is the power of the pop.

Speaker 1: 25:50

Wow. It is powerful. I just recently heard that song and it is one of those songs that you stop and listen, and it is emotional. It is, and it's sad, you know, she was fished out,

Speaker 3: 26:04

But you know, again, she, she knew how to use her voice. She did to get someone's heart and grab onto it and make them listen to her. But for your listeners, you know, I'm not asking people to be Whitney Houston. I know, not asking them to sing into the phone or, you know, but what I am saying is recognize that silence is a powerful tool. It also, when we pause, it gives us a moment to get our thoughts together. Right. But it also gives us a moment to reconnect with the person that we're talking to

Speaker 1: 26:38

And almost, you know, kind of reclaim your power and be in the driver's seat. Yes. Because that's confidence. That's right. I don't know the answer. And I'm going to sit here and tell them,

Speaker 3: 26:49

I know[inaudible], if a pause goes on for too long, it does, it does start to get a little bit uncomfortable, but that's the part where you can look and say, wow, I've been pausing for a long time. Haven't I that's because I haven't come up with my answer yet. And humor sells,

Speaker 1: 27:08

You know, so I always would come right out of the gate with something outrageously ridiculous, just to kind of lighten the mood because it's a way to disarm people. And

Speaker 3: 27:19

I love humor. I just love humor. And I'm so grateful that I got it right the second time around and varied someone who makes me laugh. Isn't that great. Boy, I tell you if there's one piece of advice in particularly this is for women on the second time around, you know, I married the most handsome guy you could ever meet. He was looked like Tom cruise only taller. And he broke my heart in a million different pieces. And he wasn't my friend marry someone that you want to hang around with date, somebody that you want to hang around with, even in a pandemic. Right. You know, someone who's going to make you laugh. There is no substitute. Well, first of all, they got to be a great kisser, but secondly, if they can make you laugh, right. And if it's just a second

Speaker 1: 28:07

Good time around, like make sure he can cook, like put on a bunch of other things on the list too,

Speaker 3: 28:15

You know? I, you know, yes. I'm sure you're right. But I, I think, you know, Tom can make a good omelet. I'm happy, whatever,

Speaker 1: 28:23

Right? Yeah. I mean, it's, those are the things people put too much. I say it all the time. Emphasis on looks and it's who that person is inside. No,

Speaker 3: 28:31

I gotta tell you something about that. If you don't mind. Sure. I learned this a long time ago in a psychology book, and I'm just going to throw it out there to your listeners. Okay. People who are incredibly beautiful and handsome, get a free ride in life a lot. Yeah. Because they're so beautiful on the outside. Your producer's smiling at me. He knows I'm right here. They're so beautiful on the outside that they kind of don't have to try so hard. Right. And sometimes as in the case of my first marriage, there's nothing inside. They're just really beautiful outside. And the world gives them a pass. They don't have to try that hard. So they're not quite as deep. Right. And it's almost like diving off a diving board into a swimming pool that has no water in it.

Speaker 1: 29:24

Yeah. I mean, you're too deep into authentic that you wouldn't have survived without that. You know, you couldn't put

Speaker 3: 29:32

So attracted to the beauty of the person

Speaker 1: 29:37

When you're young. I think, you know, I don't, I, I hear that

Speaker 3: 29:42

George Clooney is very deep and I think he's also extremely good looking so, you know,

Speaker 1: 29:47

Right. But why did it take him too long to get married?

Speaker 3: 29:51

He just had to find the right one. Right?

Speaker 1: 29:53

Let's be honest. If you have a beautiful leading photograph, you're going to get matches. But that doesn't mean you're going to get a date. If you can't communicate effectively. That's right. I think people try too hard and they have a problem sometimes saying what they want to say and leaving it because it does take some confidence to say something that's not traditional, but it will make you memorable and it will make you stand out. You've taught me how to use fewer words to get my point across. Can you expand on, on the sure.

Speaker 3: 30:29

When you're on the radio or you're on television, where I spent my entire life, mostly on the air, you have to learn how to edit yourself as you talk. And so I would suggest to your listeners that one of the best ways you will be able to be a better communicator is by building in a little editor in your mind, in your mind. So what I'm saying is don't talk so much, don't add words that aren't necessary just to answer the question or make the statement. And yes, you want to be memorable, but don't feel as if you need to go on for too long. It's like you said before, the break you were talking about how

Speaker 1: 31:06

Nobody has time, right? We live in a, in a,

Speaker 3: 31:09

A world where, you know, I want it now. And I wanted an in a nanosecond that has affected our communication skills as well. So my advice to your listeners is build that little editor in your mind. And when you start going on for too long, stop talking, find the natural end of the sentence. Or as my boss used to say, as you're driving down the highway, find the exit ramp and get off the highway.

Speaker 1: 31:38

Right. And don't write at Danielle steel novel, and these text messages, guys don't like that. They don't want a mini novel coming up on their phone.

Speaker 3: 31:50

Why don't they? Because they know that if someone does that in texting, they're going to do that in real life.

Speaker 1: 31:56

Right. And guys don't, especially at night when like tiger woods is on or whatever, they don't want a lot of docking call your girlfriend

Speaker 3: 32:05

Again. What's in it for them. You know, when you're trying to create a relationship with someone, when you're trying to create a connection, what do you bring to the party? That's a value, right? Sell that,

Speaker 1: 32:17

Right? So what's the hook. How do you draw that person in and what you and I took this from your, I took, I've taken all of this from that episode, what you say last matters. So you need to make the ending count. Can you talk about this? Because I think this could be helpful for daters

Speaker 3: 32:36

Sure this has to do with the art of storytelling and what you say last matters because you said it lasts and that's the person is probably not going to remember all the details of what you said in the middle, but they're going to remember what you said at the end. So in the art of telling a story, there are three parts. Number one, you got to hook the person. You got to make them interested in what you have to say in the middle of a story. And everything is a story by the way, these are where your details live. And if you have two or three things, that's perfect because people remember three things. That's just the way our brains work. But at the very end, you've got a real I'm in real, I'm in, I'm doing my real amend thing right here and make them remember you. And so if there is a way for you at the end of your text or in a conversation that endears you to someone or an edit, can you know, I hear myself saying that and I don't want people to misunderstand me and think that you've got to sell yourself constantly because that's not at all what you're saying. It's not what I'm saying, but we are saying you gotta be memorable

Speaker 1: 33:42

Signing off, you know, until we talk again, right?

Speaker 3: 33:48

I'm going to let you go now. Cause I know you're going to dream about me.

Speaker 1: 33:52

There you go. I did it right. You might be onto, you might be adding some dating, go to glasses to your repertoire candy. So first impressions are everything. And the key is in the details. And I know this because the key to my sake, the covers that I create always are in the details. We've got to up our brand a little bit. We maybe we should retouch our images or pay attention to what's in the background because what's in the background, sets the stage, evaluate and elevate what you're putting out there. People are now all dating virtually, and this is how connections are being made. What tips do you have for zoom calls? Cause I know as a professional communicator, you've had to look at this and now start working with zoom.

Speaker 3: 34:44

I'm going to give everybody my number one tip. So get your pens and your paper ready people. Here's my number one tip. When you are on a zoom call, you are on a screen, which is smaller than a television set. And your job is to be able to reach through the screen and make the person think you are only talking to them. This is the art of connecting through the radio. Keep in mind. I spent my entire career, mostly in a room by myself, but 60,000 people just happen to be listening to every word that was coming out of my mouth. So instead of thinking, I'm talking to 60,000 people in my mind, I was just talking to you. I was talking to you. I was just talking to you. And that was my tone. And that was my intention. So my number one piece of advice in a zoom world is even if you're on a call with a whole bunch of people in your mind, be talking to one person, right? That's how you reach through a zoom call and you connect. That's your job. You want to connect. If you were in a face-to-face meeting with a client or a personal love interest, you'd be with them in the room and you'd be watching their body language and you'd be getting their vibe and feeling the vibe of each other. Right? And so on a zoom call, you're one step removed. You're in a virtual world. So how can I lean in? How can I pull back? How can I use my body language and the tone of my voice? How can I slow down what I'm saying when I really want you to listen or Quicken my pace? Because I'm so excited to tell you this, right? That's the art of using your voice,

Speaker 1: 36:43

Right? You are engaged, you care, you can tell, but also preparation here. Make sure your desk is clean. Make sure the set up where you're going to do the call. That it looks like a pretty environment.

Speaker 3: 36:57

Yeah. One of the things that I, maybe your listeners already know this, but here it is, make sure that your, your laptop is elevated. The number one problem that I see when I'm doing my coaching calls is that someone is talking to me in their laptop is on the counter or on their desk. And so they're talking down to the camera and what happens when you're talking down to the camera and you can address this from a technical standpoint is first of all, your complexion is changed because of lighting, but more so it creates an environment where you, you, if you're talking, you look like you're talking down to someone, you don't want to look like that. Right? So I always suggest to people get a couple stacks of books. Um, we have memory boxes at my house and I like to stack the memory boxes up or you know, old encyclopedias, you know, and I lift them up so that my face, my chin, my shoulders are all showing. And I am having a conversation with you. I'm not down here like that. Right? And that also affects your vocal tone. As soon as your head goes down, what happens is your shoulders go down and you've lost a lot of your air for your lungs when your lungs are open and your chin is up, you get much better air flow and your voice sounds better,

Speaker 1: 38:17

Right? Plus you're, you're going to look a lot thinner if, if the camera's pointed down and you don't have like four chins and that that's good that the angle positioning, you know, for me, angles and lighting and lighting, all of us can, can improve our lighting on zoom calls. You can buy on Amazon or wherever those little clip on lights, the go on your computer to give you a little glam, little glow. Don't have a window behind you. Don't be backlit. Backlighting is the kiss of death, right? Yep. Yeah. There's filters that you can actually use on these calls, that improve how you look. So lighting is either going to make you look a lot older or a lot younger. So get all those things, the positioning of the camera, the lighting pull that shade. There's definitely lighting kits that you can buy that can improve your zoom call and put on a cute shirt and some lip gloss and you know, care look like you care. You look like you care because you only get that first impression once. It's true.

Speaker 3: 39:31

And if you miss that chance, it's very difficult to get another one. I always say that a bad first impression is like turning the Titanic and we all know how that ended up,

Speaker 1: 39:44

Right? It didn't go well. It's true. So if you prepare and you bring your a game and you have confidence, all those things preparing is going to make you feel more confident. And then for the other key thing I would say is be yourself and smile and smile. Yes. And pour a glass of wine and have some fun. Yeah. You know, live a little, cause it could be that zoom call. That could be the next,

Speaker 3: 40:14

You know, you can, you can catch somebody's karma through a screen. You really can. You karma is energy is palpable. Even through a screen. I mean, we have the, you know, actors are the masters of this because we watch an actor on a screen, whether it's a TV screen or a large movie screen, an actor can stand there Carrie and say nothing. And just stand there, filled with joy or ANC store, whatever it is, that's part of their role. And we can feel it right. We can even cry for them in moments where they're saying absolutely nothing. Am I asking your listeners to be Academy award winning actors and actresses? No, but I am telling you to use actors and actresses as examples of how to be a master of body language. Right.

Speaker 1: 41:13

And one thing you just did because I I've taken your class. And um, and I've watched your videos of you in class and I'm really, and I've learned awful lot from you. And I'm really grateful for everything that you've taught me, but these things just come naturally to you because you have so much, but you said, you know, Carrie, you just said my name Carey and you pause. Well, when you say someone's name, that deepens the connection as well. Yes.

Speaker 6: 41:45

It's as simple as that kind of stuff.

Speaker 3: 41:48

No smiling, pausing, managing your body language. Thinking about what the words you are saying, mean thinking about the other person before you think about yourself, what's in it for them, what's in it for them. How can I create a connection? Whether it's virtually or in person to let that person know who I am and wow, this, this could be fun.

Speaker 1: 42:12

Right? And don't forget that closer. Cause what you say at the end matters.

Speaker 3: 42:18

I gotta go. I know you'll be dreaming about me tonight.

Speaker 1: 42:21

You go hut stuff until next time. Well, you had so much fun here today and thank you so much for teaching us how to improve our communication skills. And really this is amazing. And people have got to listen to the new podcast. Both podcasts are unbelievable. Where can people find you and follow you?

Speaker 3: 42:43

Sure. So I have a website it's called candy oteri.com, C a N D Y O T E R R y.com. And on the homepage, you'll see a flipper and it'll send you to the story behind her success, which is literally stories like Carrie. Brett's very famous and well loved photographer here in Boston and beyond and 132 other stories of women doing great things with their lives. And then there's the speaker coach. And I'm up to 10 episodes right now. You'll learn everything from how to breathe, to how to lose your filler words, to vocal variety, to elevator pitches, zoom, and so much more. So, uh, thank you so much for having me and I really appreciate it.

Speaker 6: 43:29

Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 43:34

And for now this week's Tinder tips. Number one now more than ever, people want that lasting connection. Choose your words wisely because what you say and how you say it matters, uncover yourself, remember who you are and what you have to offer and then get out there and competently crush it. Number two, remember it takes five seconds to make that first impression be prepared, be professional and act. Accordingly luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Number three, first impressions are everything to put a little extra effort into lighting that zoom call throwing on a cute outfit or invest in a professional headshot. Number four. Think about the words you were saying or texting and say it like you mean it, then forget about it. This is what shot at love is here for, to help you find love. Keep up that commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. If you'd like me to photograph you for your online dating profile, sign up for my shot at love promotion. Please DM me on Instagram or you can find me on my website, Carrie Brett lifestyle, gorgeous.com. I'm Carrie Brett. And we'll see you next time.

Speaker 2: 45:12

[inaudible].