A Military Mindset When Starting Over With Gold Star Widow & Military Spouse Ambassador Krista Simpson Anderson

Today's guest is Krista Simpson Anderson. She is the widow of Michael Simpson, a Green Beret and special forces soldier who was killed in Afghanistan and was left with two young boys. She rebuilt her life remarried an active-duty Green Beret Gus Anderson, and co-founded the Unquiet Professional, an organization that provides empowering opportunities for surviving families and veterans. Krista's philosophy is to "Arm Yourselves and be Brave", educate others to thrive, not just survive. In this week's episode, we will talk about loss, new beginnings, and what it takes to start over, creating a new chapter with a greater purpose. 

Krista Anderson is a wife, mother, and runs the non-profit The Unquiet Professional. Still, she also serves as the Gold Star Liaison, a board member for the Green Beret Foundation, the Military Spouse Ambassador of Army Emergency Relief, and many other boards. In 2018, the Armed Forces Insurance named her Military Spouse of the Year ––and in 2019, the Green Beret Foundation honored her as "Keeper of the Brave." 

Kerry Brett and Krista Simpson Anderson cover a lot of ground topics included:

How faith is something, you have to hold onto when you have nothing left.
How to have a military mindset when moving forward from any challenging time.
How you can heal yourself by helping others.
The importance of knowing you are not alone when you deal with a time of struggle.
You can overcome hard, challenging times and can be stronger than you ever thought possible.
Things that are happening to you sometimes is for your greater good.
It is better to love and loss than to never love again.
Love feels different each time trust it.
Give yourself moments of grace when dealing with difficulty. It's not easy to move forward.
Allow your new relationship to encourage and nurture your grief and your joy.
Remember to take every moment and opportunity to honor someone we have loved and lost.

So much of Krista's work is honoring her late husband, Michael Simpson, and I took a moment to celebrate my favorite cousin Sean McCarthy who died on October 2nd 2019, one year ago the day we taped this interview.

 Suppose you would like more information about Krista Simpson Anderson. In that case, you can find her on Facebook Krista S. Anderson, 2018 Armed Forces Insurance of the Year, on Instagram @kristasimpsonanderson, or the Non-Profit's website www.theunquietproffesional.org.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

I'm Carrie Brett, and this is shot at love. Today's guest is Krista Simson Anderson, and she's the widow of Michael Simonsen, a Greenbrae and special forces soldier who was killed in Afghanistan and was left with two young boys. She rebuilt her life remarried, an active duty green Ray, and co-founded the Unquiet professional, an organization that provides empowering opportunities for surviving families and veterans Chris's philosophy is to arm yourselves and be brave, educate others to thrive, not just survive. In this week's episode, we will talk about lost new beginnings and what it takes to start over, create a new chapter with greater purpose. You won't want to miss it. So stay tuned. Krista Anderson,

Speaker 2: 0:56

Wife, mother, and not only runs her, non-profit the Unquiet professional, but she also serves as the gold star liaison, a board member for the Greenbrae foundation, the military spouse, ambassador of army emergency relief, and many other boards in 2018 armed forces insurance named her military spouse of the year. And in 2019, the green Baret foundation honored her with the keeper of the brave award Krista and I met two days ago when we were both honored at the empowering women luncheon, where Krista got a standing ovation, and I knew I had to have her on the show. Welcome Krista. You are amazing. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much for having me. So I was the first speaker at the luncheon and when I got back to my seat, I didn't even know how I did or what I even said because the MC of the event candy Oteri who we both loved dearly, didn't ask me the, any of the questions that she said she would. And I guess that's the pro that she is. She knew it would be better unscripted. And you had written me a note and pass the card across the table, telling me how inspiring I was. And I thought that was so nice. And I knew immediately that we must've been birds of the feather because there had to be some connection before you brought the house down, when your talk, it was an amazing event. I'm so glad we met six feet apart, social distancing it's Candy's mission to bring these inspirational stories and listening to your story. It was so powerful and amazing. It was a fun event. I think definitely it was nice to be in a room filled with women. Yeah, it definitely part of first yes, social distancing, but we had an instant connection over the marathon. Bombings. My story of the marathon bombings is that for almost 50 years, my dad had this great spot at the finish line. And year after year would cover it for the Boston globe. I was doing multiple projects and working for the Cardinal of Boston. And I begged my dad to help me edit this job for Catholic charities. And so for the first time in 50 years, he wasn't there. He was helping me at my studio while I sat in the pediatrics with my daughter who was sick. And my phone was blowing up with texts since my brother, Tim and his wife was there. My dad, um, was spared from that day and covering what happened because of the job with the Cardinal. And if that wasn't assigned from God and I knew he would never have recovered from photographing what had happened that day, but your dad was there. Can you tell a little bit about the story you shared with me, the letter your dad wrote to Mike while serving in, uh, in Afghanistan?

Speaker 3: 3:47

So April of 2013, as you know, and, um, my father normally ran the marathon and he was entertaining clients that day instead, um, and was about 200 yards from the bomb. Um, and obviously it shook him. I mean, he had never experienced that kind of trauma really ever. And my husband had been in Afghanistan for a couple of weeks. And so I reached out to him and said, I feel like you're the only person that can connect. And they were so close. So, um, I just said, I feel like you're the only person that can connect with him and, um, and really just make sure he understood that he wasn't alone and that, um, and that the trauma that he had been through and what he had seen, and then the survivor's guilt, I think that he faced of what he was doing that day wasn't enough. And could he have helped more? What could he have done differently? I think a lot of our service members go through on a daily basis, no matter where they are in the world. And so Mike, um, on April 21st wrote a email to my father and I still read it to this day and I share it with so many people because I think he wrote that not only for my father, Bobby, but for, for me and for everyone. And I don't know if you have it, if you'd like to read it, it's just,

Speaker 2: 5:13

Do you want me to read what Mike wrote to your dad? I would love that. I know you would. I see, I there's something about us that I, I joke that we were like stepbrothers and movie stepbrothers, um, that when we first met, it was like, do you want my drum kit? And do you want to go into Treehouse? Like we just knew I printed this out this morning. And I had a feeling because, well, the tip off was that you had it printed out and, and you really, really wanted to. I feel like you wanted to include that in your speech, but it's so hard when you have to speak in front of a crowded room. So this is an email from Michael Simpson and he wrote this how many days? Right after the marathon. So I think it was about, um, I think

Speaker 3: 5:58

The, the bombing at the marathon was the 15th of April and this was the 21st. Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:03

So this is a letter to your dad. Dear Bobby. How are things I heard about the marathon? Christa told me you were pretty close. I'm glad to hear that. You're all right. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry that you had to witness something like that. I wish there was something I could have done better in my job to keep it from happening. It just goes to show that some people in this world are inherently evil and you have to put your trust in God to protect us. Not all acts of evil can be avoided or mitigated no matter what precautions we and our government take. I've seen a few bombs go off in my day, witnessed the aftermath and even cleaned up the mess. It's not pretty. I try not to tell my family except for my brothers and father who have also seen the same things. It's not something that my wife or children ever needed to know about. I carry those experiences with me every day. I have chosen to take on that burden for the sake of my family. I'm sure you had some time to reflect on the events, your actions and actions of others. I second, guess myself every day for not taking certain actions in those situations, in my experience, you always find fault. When you look back on what you've done, no matter what the situation I've made mistakes during almost every hostile engagement I've ever been in, in my 10 years in the military. But I always try to learn from them and never repeat them. Make no mistake. You'll never forget that day for the rest of your life. I'm sure you will think of it every day. In the near future, you will start to look at things in a different frame of mind. Things that used to be important. Won't be things that used to be trivial. Won't be, don't get upset with people. If they don't see things the way you do, they haven't seen what you saw. Haven't experienced, what you did. I encourage you to take some time and reflect on your life. In future dwelling on the past is for losers. Excuses are for the weak thing to the future. The summer, your grandchildren, your daughter, wife, and the ocean. Compartmentalization is an option, but not the best. Don't carry guilt with you. It's toxic. I would encourage you to talk to someone about it. Your friends might not understand your priests might have some encouraging words. Your wife wants to nurture you. Don't shut them out, but don't get upset if they don't get it. If you need to let some out, shoot me an email or call my dad that guy's almost been there, done that t-shirt and the wisdom to go with it. I hope I've not overstepped my bounds. My intention is not to judge or offer unwanted advice, but let you know, you're not alone. I look forward to seeing you again in a few months, don't worry about me. Things here are actually very good, as good as they can be. The locals are friendly and we have knitting circles on Wednesdays arts and crafts on Fridays and movie nights on Saturdays. Take care of Mike. So

Speaker 3: 8:56

That's a piece of your, your husband who passed Michael since then and what happened? What happened right after that? Well, first of all, movie nights on Saturdays were real. I did do that. I was told afterwards, but, um, five days later, um, they were him and his team were coming back from a mission. And Mike was on an ATV and rolled over a pressure plate, uh, improvised, explosive device. He was thrown back into the crater with the blast. He, um, he lived, they threw their tourniquets at him. He put one on his right arm and one on his right leg. He walked through everything the way that he should have once they were able to get to him and cleared the area. Um, he, he said, I think I lost my leg. Okay. Moving on. After they confirmed that, he said, my hips hurt a little, my back hurts a little, I can breathe. I can see, and I'm not dizzy. And he kept on giving those updates. Um, and 45 minutes later, they were able to get him to a back. And he was on his way to Ghazni Afghanistan, the hospital there. And, um, a couple of times they had to puncture his, um, his lungs to let Erin, because shrapnel had torn through his body and severed his pericardium. And a few months after this, I received a note from, from one of the spouses of, uh, of a medic that was, that was on that flight. And he had opened up his eyes really vague, I guess, and said, wife, kids, I love. And then went into cardiac arrest. I never spoke again. And the medics and the doctors and the nurses, they worked tirelessly. They brought him back and there was surgery after surgery. Um, and our family was brought in on, you know, every step of the way, um, kept updated for special forces group was incredible. Um, doc hate was our, was our group surgeon at the time. And he just was so fantastic. I w around the clock, we were calling Afghanistan with updates. Um, I was notified on the 27th of April that Mike had been injured. Um, now retired Lieutenant Colonel, uh, Jamie Alden called me. And, uh, I remember answering the phone, you know, I mean, I had no idea why he was calling, but it didn't phase me that it was something bad, you know? Hi, how are you? I said, right. Um, and he asked me to sit down, um, and you know, something, we prepared for this, um, paper with wills and powers of attorney and, and all of that. And of course, you know, your, your spouse goes into a war zone and, and you anticipate that something like this can happen, but, um, it generally only happens to other people, right?

Speaker 2: 12:08

And you felt like you were in a movie and you had to run across the street and having a neighbor translate the call, which I think was actually really smart of you because your brain couldn't process that information. So you needed a second person. And, but you knew before you had to get on a plane and had to Germany to say goodbye to him. And I can't even imagine what those five days were like, but you knew your life had forever changed and that you were a different person. Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 12:40

I remember sitting in Seattle international airport and I was with our casualty affairs officer, Jerry DeMarzo and, and our chaplain, um, Johnny elder and Johnny handed me a coin and it says, um, you know, put on the whole armor of God. And I have that coin to this day, I carry it with me. And he said to me, you know, there's a reason for everything. God has a plan. And I said, I know. And he said, um, he said, you know, 15 years ago, my wife, my daughter and my son were in a car accident when we were stationed in Italy and my wife and my daughter were killed. Um, and I just can't even, well, immediately I connected with him. I thought, Oh my gosh. I mean, on a greater level, he knew what I was going through. I mean, he had lost his child as well, but this was the person that God chose to walk me through this journey, you know? And, um, and him and Jerry had never met before, but they were like brothers. It was, they brought so much humor into, into our days going forward. Um, and just so much love and compassion and peace. It is amazing how, how God puts these people in place to really take you, you know, to support you. And, um, I've seen

Speaker 2: 14:03

More than once and you became someone stronger than you ever thought. How do you think you, you managed to navigate that time? I mean, truly

Speaker 3: 14:14

Faith. Oh, absolutely. And I know that sometimes, you know, I feel like you go one of two ways, either you move away from your faith, because if there was a God, how could, how could he do this to me? You know? Um, or, you know, before faith was, it's always a part of my life. I grew up, it was a part of who I was and, and I wanted it, right. We went to church on Sundays and, you know, holidays of course, and raised our children as such, but then afterwards, or in that moment, I think literally from the time I was notified, um, after I got off that phone call that Saturday, I went straight to church and I sat in front of the alter in running clothes, which was probably inappropriate bet. And I just cried and cried and prayed and cried. And it was something at that point that I needed. Right. I read somewhere that faith isn't faith until it's the only thing you have to hold on to. Right.

Speaker 2: 15:14

Right. So now you're a single mom and I, I became a single mom. Well, I did get divorced when my daughter was a baby, but I finally got divorced when she was three. So I have this little child on my hip and I find myself having to date. And now you have something so hard where you have a one-year-old and a three-year-old two little boys, and you have to tell your two sweet boys. What has happened to their dad.

Speaker 3: 15:48

Gabriel was 18 months. Then, you know, he, a couple of years later, he actually called the neighbor daddy because he thought it was his name. Um, so it really wasn't a conversation with him. But with my older son, Michael, who was, um, who's three and a half, I said, finally, it was probably two weeks after my past. I said to him, do you believe in God? And he said, of course, I said, even though you can't see him. And he said, yes, mommy, of course. And I said, well, you know, that daddy is a soldier. And he said, and I said, well, daddy's God's soldier now. And he immediately responded with, but I will miss him. I mean, my children, I think have more faith in their little finger than I could ever. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:35

So children are so resilient. It's unbelievable. And I know you're a little boys. I haven't met them and I want to photograph them. And I know I can feel how beyond special they are. And I think it's amazing how your first born, Michael looks identical to your husband, Michael, who passed.

Speaker 3: 16:55

And then Gabriel acts just like him. She's like, my husband got says it all the time. He's like, Oh, that was definitely like, Oh, that's so cute. That's so cool.

Speaker 2: 17:06

Cute. And I love your boys names so much because they're both names of angels and you showed me and you talked to me about the importance of photography and you showed me the photograph of the silver wings. Can you see, I don't know anything about the military and you've taught me so much. And just the

Speaker 3: 17:24

Short two days that we've known each other. So there's a song, um, called the ballot of the green Berets. And it is played at every ceremony, you know, um, change of command, um, Memorial veteran's day. It doesn't every ceremony it's played in the special forces community. And then there's one line that says, you know, back at home, a young wife, her Greenbrae has met his fate. He has died for those crest, leaving her this last request, put silver wings on my son's chest. And so, um, Gus, before we started dating and, um, my ex friend, Josh one, um, one Saturday morning when we were getting ready to go run with wear blue run to remember they each had, have had a pair of the wings and they put them, they pinned them on the boys. T-shirts well, and it was a pretty special moment. And you have a photograph of that too forever, forever. And you look at those photographs all the time

Speaker 2: 18:32

I do. It was like 4,000 on your phone. There's so many, and I'm so grateful.

Speaker 3: 18:37

So in the military, we take pictures of everything, including funerals. And I am so grateful for that because not only do I get to have those pictures, revisit those pictures and share those pictures, but my children will get to see those pictures and still consistently do. But you know, when they're 18, 1925, 45, they get to see the day that they received their daddy's flag and Arlington national cemetery in that photograph. So receiving the flag is, and as a photographer and being a photo journalist, a picture says a thousand words, Oh my goodness. I mean, there's so much, so much pride in that picture. You know, I mean, this general, who, it was so hard for him to kind of hold his composure because he was handing a three-year-old and a, one-year-old a flag to say, thank you for, you know, on behalf of a grateful nation. And, um, and the boys at that moment didn't really know what it meant. And if you notice in all of the pictures, I'm smiling, like I'm at a wedding because I wanted to be so strong for them. And you were proud of your husband.

Speaker 2: 19:56

He was, he, he had bragging rights. He knew he was a superstar. He did. He knew how important his job was.

Speaker 3: 20:04

Absolutely. And he was so proud of his, of being with his team and his company and just everybody had served with, and his dad and his brother are retired, green Berets, as well as other brothers still currently serves in the army. And so just following his in his family's footsteps and strive to make them proud every day. And his mom and his sister are such servants. I mean, they supported these men, their whole life. Oops. It's, it's unbelievable. I feel like I'm

Speaker 2: 20:36

Save a private Ryan right now is a podcast I'm so what's happening. It's so unbelievable. How difficult is it to

Speaker 3: 20:45

Be a military wife? I mean, most

Speaker 2: 20:48

Of the time you don't know where your husband is, what kind of danger he's in, or if he's ever coming home. And how do you manage that fear while you're

Speaker 3: 20:56

Part of a community that everybody's doing it. So it's not like it's unusual, but you know, I think you have to recognize the emotional toll that it takes and takes on you and then, and then really kind of manage your expectations of yourself. So I know that when my husbands are deployed husband,

Speaker 4: 21:15

Both of them, two green Berets when they're deployed, um,

Speaker 3: 21:20

You know, I mean, I recognize that I need to limit what I maybe can't do as much as I, I do when they're there. Not because they're not there to help me care for the boys, but because, because I'm emotionally drained by the end of the day. And so you just have to give yourself, grace, you have to, you have to embrace your community, you know, accept the meals when people bring them, you know, have coffee with your, with the other spouses. And, you know, it's interesting when I became a military spouse, I mean, in our community, they're usually gone anywhere between six and nine months out of the year, whether it's training or deployment, or they go into other countries and train with the special forces units there as well. And I remember a civilian friend said to me, how do you do it? Your husband's gone all the time. And I said, how do you do it? Your husband's home

Speaker 4: 22:12

Every night. They were like, well, then that's fair. So there are ups, upsides and downsides. Right, right. You run your home, like how you want to not there. So

Speaker 2: 22:29

You, you definitely have a type and you like these green Berets, um, you said that people never wanted to ask you, they never wanted to ask a gold star widow, what it was like to date or think about moving forward. What was that time like when you had, you were like, I'm going to move into a convent with my kids and I, this is my one and only love.

Speaker 3: 22:52

Yeah, absolutely. I think that, you know, in the beginning I couldn't have ever imagined being with anyone else. I mean, Mike was my, my one and only I had waited until I was 31 before I got married. And, you know, um, before then was just like a number of failed relationships. And I found this person that I loved and I trusted and we all needed each other. So, you know, it was a two way street, you know, he loved me so much and I couldn't have imagined my life with anybody else. And so you never, I never wanted the term. I mean, widow used to just make me cringe that word. I blamed me. I mean, it would just make me cringe and I didn't want to accept it. I didn't never wanted that title, but then I was afraid to let it go. Right. I was afraid to move forward. And because I felt like taking off title that I would be losing him all over again. And that was so scary for me. And then of course society says, you're not grieving enough. You're grieving too much. You know? I mean, there's, everybody has their judgements. Right. And I think what keeps me grounded as I remember where I came from, I remember when Mike was alive, right. And, and how I felt and how I had no idea what a gold star spouse actually was until I became one. And then feeling that just earth shatter underneath me and after he passed understanding. And so I'm able to kind of stay grounded and give grace and mercy.

Speaker 2: 24:25

That's amazing. And you help heal with your compassion. You help so many women. It's incredible. So you find yourself in this relationship, tell me, how did you meet Gus Anderson?

Speaker 3: 24:40

So Gus was actually a part of Mike's team. He was a member of Mike's team who was the senior medic. And I hadn't met them all before the deployment. It was a new team. And so I met Gus about six or seven months after Mike died. Okay. Now I spoke to him on the phone because in Germany, in the hospital, I called everyone. I mean, I think our, I think my phone bill was$1,500 because I made every phone calls. Everybody I could think of so that they had an opportunity to say goodbye to him. And I would just lay the phone on his shoulder and they would speak privately to him. And they said what they needed to say and wanted to say. And so seven months later, I just, I remember standing out in the back of the company, um, the, like the building where their, all of their teams are and having a conversation with him and how, what Mike meant to him. And, um, Mike used to live vicariously through Gus because Gus was single and he went, you know, he went out on the weekends and, you know, and Mike was at home with his boys when he was home, you know, um, you know, Gus was out, you know, drinking scotch and smoking cigars and Mike was building Legos. Right. So, um, I had heard about him, but, um, you know, I met him that day and then they would always check in, you know, the whole team would check in on us and on Sundays actually around it always, um, kind of a last minute person. And so at one o'clock, maybe I would text and I would say family dinner at four and 50 people would show up the whole team and their families and, you know, they would bring food and I would grill. And, and so I just was constantly bringing people together because I was so afraid that I would lose them.

Speaker 2: 26:37

Uh, I can, I can imagine.

Speaker 3: 26:39

And so he would come, I just, I can envision him now, um, you know, holding Gabriel up to, to play basketball so he could make a basket and playing with and people say to me today, like we knew, we knew that you two were meant to be together. And we had no idea until a couple of years later.

Speaker 2: 26:58

So you get married and then what doesn't he didn't he leave like again? Yes.

Speaker 3: 27:04

So we got married in, um, 2017 and he was due to deploy very shortly after that. And, um, I think I shared with you, his deployment was pushed. He ended up leaving Washington state four years to the day that Mike was injured and he landed in Afghanistan four years to the day that Mike died. And I'm sure that brought up some stuff for you. Yeah. I was kind of like, okay, Lord, what are you?

Speaker 4: 27:35

So

Speaker 3: 27:35

We got married, I joke, right. We got married. And then two weeks later we planned our funeral because that's just what you do in the military. You have this paperwork that you fill out and you have wills and powers of attorney. And I mean, down to the hymns and our services, we identified all of that. And, um, and

Speaker 4: 27:53

It was a gasket that I really wanted because Pope John Hall had it

Speaker 3: 28:01

And they made them out in Vashon Island. And Gus just had to put his foot down and say, we can't buy the caskets. Now we ha I mean, what are people going to think when they come into our house and we've got to,

Speaker 4: 28:11

The casket is here. I'm like, okay, I've got too far.

Speaker 2: 28:17

You can tell you love each other very much. And I want you to tell the story about when you and Gus and your boys relocated to Virginia, what did your husband, your green Berry has been Gusto?

Speaker 3: 28:33

So we live in a town home in Virginia, um, and we had gone down there to purchase it. And then, um, we had household, our household goods arrived and we both received them together. And actually at that time, the chess that were empty, but, um, that would normally hold Mike's things were missing. They weren't on the truck. And that happens so often. Right. You think you're moving across the country? They're moving. I mean, I think it's nearly 16,000 families this summer, but those chests were very special. And I realized after that, one of Mike's boxes of awards was missing as well. And so that was a crazy time for us. Uh, took us about 25 days, um, until military.com actually published an article. And then within, I think, 15 or 20 hours from that article being published, our things were found. Thank God, thank God. But, um, so I went to back-up to Rhode Island, uh, where my parents lived to get our boys and drive them down to our new home. And as I'm driving down the street, you know, you can imagine the row of town homes, they all look the same. Michael and Gabriel, Hey, Oh, there it is. There's our house, there's our house. And I said, how do you know? And I didn't see it until they told me, they said, well, there's the gold star flag. And the window Gus had put up that flack to honor Mike in the window of our new home. I mean, we had just moved. We were, it was a home that we would have together. We started this, you know, in a new place, nobody knew about our circumstances. And he made that intentional point to make sure that we would never forget, well, well, it's safe to say that Gus, we L we love Gus. And he's an amazing man. Oh yeah. It's, it's just such a beautiful story. So thank you so much for sharing that. We're going to take a short break because we both need to scream, cry for a few minutes, but when we come back, we're going to talk about dating. Amazing. You just have dirt and finding love with the Greenbrae has been number, dude.

Speaker 5: 30:59

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Speaker 3: 31:37

And we're back with Krista Anderson. Let's talk about the nonprofit that you started to honor your late husband, Mike Simpson. And the name of the nonprofit that you started is the Unquiet professional. And since I've been learning everything I can learn about what happens in the military green Berets are called quiet professionals. And Mike had such a big personality and was not at all quiet and so funny that that's why you named it, the Unquiet professional. I think that's nice. Well, his team and his company actually nicknamed him that, which I found out afterwards, which makes total sense because, you know, I would wake up every morning and he would say, how's it feel to be married to a big, bad Greenbrae. So he was just so proud to be a Greenbrae and serve with the men in his regimen that, um, yeah, so that's that his nickname. And so it just made sense. And so we make noise for those who serve all in honor of the loudest Greenbrae we ever did.

Speaker 2: 32:49

Oh, that's so nice. So tell me what the program does. And I know it's to help surviving families and veterans

Speaker 3: 32:57

[inaudible] so trying to provide empowering, um, opportunities and healthy opportunities for those that have sustained wounds by war invisible wounds. Mostly to be honest, there's moral injury, there's survivors guilt, there's, there's so much, and the family's under, I mean, you'd be surprised at how many children actually are diagnosed with secondary PTSD. And so we want to be able to bring them together and, um, and, and get them on a healthy journey. I mean, it's so easy to just slip into the norm of just dealing with just the struggles of military life in general. And I have recognized over the last seven and a half years of how many veterans and families truly are in pain every day. And that touches my heart. I mean, I don't want any of them to be, to be in pain. And so whatever we can do for surviving families, we have a children's museum membership program because for me bringing my one and three-year-old to a children's museum was like such a break for me. I didn't have to entertain them. They had so many things. And so the hands-on children's museum in Olympia, Washington helped us launch that program and they were, they were just incredible. And so no matter where you are in the country, we'll connect with a children's museum in your area and provide a membership. You know, a lot of times it falls under their free and reduced programs, which is great. Otherwise we, we cover the cost of it. And so there is the veteran program, a fresh air project, which Paul Joyce's the director, and he takes men out on, they've done the John Muir trail, um, fly fishing and the Bob Marshall, um, he takes weekend trips really just to get them out there and let them know that they're not alone. And, you know, I underestimate the power of that. Um, and we've received some testimonies that say, you know, I totally anticipated that my wife and I would divorce. And I went on this trip and I came home and I saw her in a totally different light when you saved us. Um, and from another couple, you know, pretty much the same thing that just the, the person that, you know, her husband was before the trip and how he came home just with a different outlook and on life.

Speaker 2: 35:25

Um, what does being honored as military spouse of the year mean to you?

Speaker 3: 35:33

Gosh, it felt really ugly at first because you, I, I, of course, I think I do what I do selfishly because it heals me to help others. And, um, but what the platform has given me and receiving that award, it's opened so many doors, I've been able to sit on the army survivor advisory, working group for the chief of staff of the army and with, you know, 11 other amazing surviving family members to advocate for all army surviving families on whether it's policy. You know, we, we just talk about different situations and how we can make things better. And just so so many doors opened up and it kind of legitimized what I was doing already with the Unquiet professional, the Greenbrae foundation. And that actually that award then propelled me into becoming the military spouse ambassador for army emergency relief, which, you know, knowledge is power. And I get to educate military spouses, soldiers, and families on the resources that are available to them. So that they're, you know, if they're struggling through financial hardship, army emergency relief is the army is nonprofit basically. And they provide 0% loans, which, you know, you can't even get from your parents. There's always a string attached, um, and scholarships grants, uh, you know, I mean, it's just an incredible, there's over 35 different categories of assistance. Uh,

Speaker 2: 37:05

I like how you say knowledge is power and how you help all these women, because even if they didn't lose their spouse, sometimes the men, when they come back, they're not there.

Speaker 3: 37:15

They're never the same. I mean, I go to Disneyland, I come back a different person. Right.

Speaker 4: 37:20

Totally. I don't want to go to, I have too much anxiety.

Speaker 3: 37:27

I mean, and I think that's something that, um, society has deemed negative. Right? Um, like not talking about that. And so you mean you change, and I remember feeling that when somebody said in the beginning, gee, I wish you would've known Krista before Mike died. She was a different person. And I took that and I felt like, Oh gosh, what am I doing wrong? I'm so broken. How do I get back to who I was? And I could never get back to who I was. And then realizing that today I am a better person. You are, you know, I mean, all of my brokenness with all of, you know, my vulnerabilities, I, I am a better, I'm a better person, Christian wife, mother, friend, and I need to be proud of that and not feel shameful. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 38:20

I agree. I'm in, you're also my new best friend, so,

Speaker 4: 38:26

And I can't wait for us to change the world together. Totally, totally. I can't wait to see what we come up with and we will come up with lots of things. I know. Yes. So aren't you glad you didn't have to go on Tinder? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3: 38:41

If it wasn't gas, it probably wouldn't have been anybody because he tells daddy stories and he supports so thing that I do. That's so nice. You know, but I imagine that, I mean, that's what an amazing program and opportunity to be able to kind of just sit back on your phone and be able to see what's out there.

Speaker 2: 39:02

Well, I mean, I don't know, I don't know how many green Berets are on Tinder, but I know green Berets mean what they say. And I don't think you'd have a lot of tolerance for some of some of these fools on Tinder. But, um, no, but I do believe that the majority of people are good. Majority of people in humanity are good and you just have to spend the time on the, on the app and you'll get there.

Speaker 3: 39:27

We all start good. Right. As babies that's right. Zero sin is true. So,

Speaker 2: 39:33

So my last question is about sacrifice. And you had said that the sacrifices that these green brains make, or people in the military that, and you can say this better than me, um, because I haven't walked in your shoes, but you were quoted as saying that every loss is worth it.

Speaker 3: 39:56

You know, I, I can't obviously speak for other families because they might not feel that way. And I wouldn't ever dare, um, say that, but I would say for our family, for me personally, I see the impact that, you know, not only my life made on the world, but what his, how his death has impacted the world as well and continues to I'm so grateful. I'm able to share his life with people and, and that our children, you know, we'll always be able to share his life. But I think that everything that we go through is a part of who we are going forward. And my marriage and friendship with Mike created in his death, created who I am today. And I'm grateful that gust loves that person and Ken care and support me and that, but every loss is different. Whether you lose your job, whether you lose a pet, a spouse, a child, I mean, whatever, it might be different. Isn't bad. It is just different. And so comparison, I think, is the mother of all evils. And I think that's the, that's what we do instinctively. We compare ourselves to others, whether, you know, I'm a brunette and you're a blonde. And I think you're so much prettier cause I'm comparing right. Or, um, I think you're a prettier. I mean, right. I mean, we just instinctively compare. So course our circumstances, we compare as well. And for me, I stayed grounded where I, I try not to compare. I mean, it's hard of course, because social media is filled with, um, my life is so perfect and look at all these wonderful things that happen. My sister-in-law Vanessa actually sometimes posts crazy pictures of her, like with her hair all over the place and the background, she has four boys. My nephews are bananas and they're just amazing too. But can you imagine what it's like raising four boys under the age of nine and sometimes she'll post those real pictures. We've got a gift that is to the moms out there who are going through the same thing and just are comparing themselves to the moms that are taking their kids, you know, out on hikes every weekend. And I'm always like, man, that's incredible. I couldn't get out of my pajamas this week. Right. So,

Speaker 2: 42:31

Well, I'm grateful for the gift that you taught me about comparing. And, um, you've really taught me so much in such a short period of time of knowing you and Krista I'm beyond inspired by you. And it's been my honor to share your story, to help others. And I look forward to all the things that we are going to do together to help others. Where can people learn more about you and Unquiet professional?

Speaker 3: 42:57

Well, so our website is the Unquiet professional.org and, um, they can connect with me, you know, via the website and we also have a Facebook page and an Instagram page. So yeah, and it's just, it's such a gift to be able to share, share Mike and other, other military members with the world.

Speaker 2: 43:19

Totally, totally. And thank you so much for extending your stay to do this interview. And please thank us for me, that rockstar of a husband, who's watching your boys and extra days. So you could be here. I will, I will. Thank you. And for now this week's Tinder tips. Number one love feels differently each time. Just trust it. Number two, give yourself grace. It's not easy to move forward. Number three, allow your new relationship to encourage and nurture your grief and your joy. Number four, always remind yourself that it's always better to have loved and loss than have never loved again. And number five, remember to take every moment and opportunity to honor someone we have lost so much of Christa's work is honoring her late husband, Mike Simpson. And I would like to take a moment to honor my favorite cousin, Sean, who the world lost one year ago today, October 2nd, 2019. Christa taught me to never compare how someone died because everyone's lost is profoundly their own. Sean went to mass maritime Academy and worked as a merchant Marine engineer. Even though Sean didn't die fighting in the global war on terrorism, he struggled in his own personal war. Anyone who's lost a loved one to addiction knows it can be a brutal battle that sometimes can't be won. I'm grateful for everything. Sean taught me and making me a more empathetic person, breast and peace because I'll see you on the other side.

Speaker 6: 45:19

This is

Speaker 1: 45:20

Shot at love is here for you. Help you find love. Keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Remember to stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. If you like the show, please write a five star review. I'm Carrie Brett, and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 6: 45:55

[inaudible].