Shot At Love
Shot At Love is the first motivational dating show of its kind. It teaches you how to be successful in online dating while inspiring the listeners to go for it. You can find love, and are worthy of it. Shot At Love with Kerry Brett - Me, Exposed- Introduction to Shot At Love Podcast with celebrity photographer Kerry Brett.
Shot At Love
Memoir Of Love: Embracing New Chapters With Novelist Elin Hilderbrand
Today's episode is titled "A Memoir of Love: How to Embrace New Chapters with novelist Elin Hilderbrand”. Elin Hilderbrand is the author of 28 best-selling books and the queen of the beach read. She’s in town working on her last revisions for book #29! Her muse is the magical island of Nantucket, and her novels include stories of romance, friendships, ex-wives, passionate affairs, and matchmaking. People often wonder how much of Elin's real life is behind these pages - if you think the characters she composes are riveting, wait until you hear her story. She's overcome personal tragedy, heartbreak, divorce, and is an eight-year breast cancer survivor. She relied on discipline, consistency, and determination to overcome it all! We'll hear how she focused on the things she loved…such as writing, her family, her adoring fans, an island 30 miles out, and how having compassion for others gave her strength when she needed it the most. We also hear a romance novelist's advice for finding love.
Elin Hildebrand is an American novelist who graduated from Johns Hopkins University and later attended the University of Iowa, earning her MFA. After a short stint in publishing and teaching in New York City, she moved to Nantucket permanently in 1994. In the summer of 2000, she published her first novel, the Beach Club. Her 2019 novel, Summer of 69, debuted at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list. Five of her books are currently being optioned for movies, and a six-episode limited series has been green-lighted for Netflix. She's also a mother of three who loves cooking, riding her Peloton, and going to the beach.
Kerry Brett and Elin Hilderbrand cover a lot of ground in this conversation. Topics include;
Why you need to worry about yourself first – do the work on yourself. Once you’re good and strong, you will attract people.
Going out and finding a man won’t fix you. Do things on your own, don’t be afraid to be independent and do something for yourself.
Make your own money because what we find attractive in men are the same things they find attractive in us. Men like women who have their finances in order.
A romance novelist's advice if you feel down on your luck and looking to find that special person.
Elin’s thoughts around a perfect date in Nantucket.
Elin's advice for navigating challenging times.
Having discipline is Elin’s secret power and sets her up for success.
To learn more about Elin’s books or events, visit her website at www.elinhilderbrand.net or follow her on Instagram @elinhilderbrand.
I am Carrie Brett , and this is Shot At Love. Today's episode is titled A Memoir of Love, how to Embrace New Chapters with Novelist Ellen Hildebrand. Ellen Hildebrand is the author of 28 bestselling books in the Queen of the Beat Tree . She's actually in town working on her last revisions for book 29. Her Muse is a magical island of Nantucket, and her novels include stories of romance, friendships, ex-wives, passionate affairs, and matchmaking. People often wonder how much of Ellen's real life is behind these pages. If you think the characters, she composes a riveting, just wait until you hear her story. She's overcome personal tragedy, heartbreak, divorce, and is an eight year breast cancer survivor. She relied on discipline, consistency, and determination to overcome it all. We'll hear how she focused on the things she loved, such as writing her family, her adoring fans, an island 30 miles out, and how having compassion for others gave her the strength when she needed it the most. When we come back, we'll also hear a romance novelist advice for finding love. You won't wanna miss it, so stay tuned. Ellen Hildebrand is American Novelist, who graduated from John Hopkins University and later attended the University of Iowa, earning her MFA after a short stint in publishing and teaching in New York City. She moved to Nantucket permanently in 1994. In the summer of 2000, she published her first novel, the Beach Club, in her 2019 novel. Summer of 69, debuted at number one on the New York Times bestseller list. Five of her books are currently in the process of being optioned for movies, and a six episode limited series has been green-lighted for Netflix. She's also mother of three who loves cooking, riding her Peloton, and going to the beach. Shot at Love is coming to you live from Beacon Hill in Boston. I'm so grateful Ellen made the time to sit down with me today. I know you'll love this golden girl and this conversation. So without further ado, welcome Ellen Hildebrand.
Speaker 2:Thank you Carrie . Thank you for having me on.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited that you're on my show , <laugh> . So you and I met Nantucket, I can't even remember how many summers ago I was making a fool of myself dancing, just to get a laugh outta everyone. And I look up in the crowd of people and you were like on the floor dying laughing, and I was like, this woman's awesome. I wanna be friends with her. She just seems so cool.
Speaker 2:Your dancing was amazing. I, I can't dance. So <laugh> , yes you can. I , no, I can't. I can't. And I , but I appreciate people who can dance and you are, for those of you listeners who do not know this about Carrie Brett , she is an amazing, fun party dancer, but like she really knows what she's doing. <laugh> and lights up, like lights up a room. And so I was very attracted to that. What I
Speaker 1:Love about you is that you just, you work really hard and for my listeners, you're gonna hear the dedication and how hard Ellen has worked and built the life and career that she has. But you love to let loose and have fun too. You really just, when we're in Nantucket, we are just at the chicken box and on the dance floor and it's like we're , it's our 21st birthday.
Speaker 2:100%. It's, it's one of the things that , you know, I do everything in a calculated way or, or very intentional way. That might be a better word. I do everything in a very intentional way. Everything in an intentional way. But I definitely party in an intentional way. I am not there to half it. Like I'm, if I'm going out, I'm going out. Well,
Speaker 1:I heard an interview, it was so funny. It was like, well, in college you were like, well, I had to study real hard. I had to skip Nana two one Oh . Because then I had to go out drinking. It was so funny. And I just love that about you because you're so real and I think that's why you , your readers love you so much because that was so smart of you. You're like, New York doesn't get it. Like we're whoever the publishing house, I know what my readers want. Yeah, you just always listen to your God .
Speaker 2:As far as the writing goes, I , I pay attention and I listen. It helps in so many different ways. When I'm speaking to people in conversation, I listen. 'cause you just never know what they're gonna say and what might be useful. Right . In my fiction, the reader feedback, like I listen and I'm, you know, listening all the time, like, what works. But you have to be open. You have to pay paying attention,
Speaker 1:Paying attention. It's that detail. The details are the difference in your book.
Speaker 2:Specificity definitely is what I'm known for and it, it started with Nantucket. 25 of my novels are set on Nantucket. It took me a while to realize that not everybody sort of understood what Nantucket was about. Not everybody's, you know, was fortunate enough to spend the summer there and it was really special and unique. It's not like anywhere else in the country. That was then what I started sort of using as the bedrock of my, of my fiction. It
Speaker 1:Is such an interesting place and you really have to spend time there to understand it. And for me, I felt the same way that you felt when I arrived that this was my home. Yeah. And then you find your people.
Speaker 2:Yeah,
Speaker 1:And I joke that I'm like the Cato Kalin of the island that <laugh> . I just show up and there's a house and a car. Yeah , <laugh> like a guest house in a car .
Speaker 2:That's pretty good. <laugh> .
Speaker 1:I'm America's guest. Yeah . On ticket . But if you really wanna be there, the island welcomes you. Yeah. Tell me how you ended up there first off.
Speaker 2:Well, I grew up summers going to Cape Cod Magical Summers growing up. My father, my stepmother, they're blended brood of five, five kids, of which my twin brother and I were the oldest. And we had these amazing fun summers all through growing up. My father then, my father died in uh, 1985. I was 16 and I had to get a second. Next summer I had to get a job. I was back in Pennsylvania. I got a job working at the Halloween costume factory, which is, was as bad as it sounds. It was horrible. I was heartbroken. I was lonely. I missed the beach. I was stuck in this warehouse assembling G Kits. I made myself a promise. I said, I'm gonna figure a way to spend every summer at the beach. And it did not happen right away. I went to college at Johns Hopkins and then I moved to New York City and I was living in New York. I spent one fateful summer, you know, I had a job, I worked in publishing, I was working in New York. I'm like, this stinks. Then I got a job teaching and I had the summer off. Finally, I was like, yeah, I'm doing this. I wanted to go to Nantucket for the summer. I had been to the vineyard in college. My family was still on the Cape, didn't wanna go there, didn't wanna go back to the vineyard. Decided I'm gonna try Nantucket. And it's 1993. So I, you know, called information, got the name of the newspaper, called the Paper, can you Please Send me the classifieds in the mail? The classifieds came six days later and I started dialing for dollars and found a room in a house that was the same price as the apartment that I was living in in New York. Now here's a , here's a shot at Love. Piece of detail was that I was living with my boyfriend who went to, at that time went to Columbia Business School and we had broken up and, but we were so sort of jailed by the New York rents that we were still living together. <laugh> .
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And I said to him, listen, I'm gonna get out for the summer. And so he kept the apartment and then I spent whatever I would've been spending there on the room in Nantucket, get to Nantucket, fell madly in love with the place, went back to New York when the summer was over. And then at the end of that school year, the second school year, I moved to Nantucket permanently.
Speaker 1:So do you think summer was your first inspiration? Because you talk about these amazing summers as a child, and then when your dad died tragically and a plane crashed, those summers moving forward weren't the same, but you made a promise to yourself that you would find a career or set up your life somehow that you could be at the beach in the summer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was the motivation. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to , to have summer times . I did not put the two together, those two things together in my head, even until I was at the University of Iowa. So I'd been on Nantucket three or four years when I applied to the Iowa Writers Workshop. I'd graduated from college, I wanted to go to graduate school. Iowa's the best. It's just the best. And yet at the same time, also the worst . So I get to Iowa, it's competitive. There's no reason for it to be in Iowa City, but it is. And so that means like cornfields and pig farms and silos and like not a body of water to be found. I was miserable. The university had therapy. I went every week to therapy. I would cry. I'd be like, I miss Nantucket. The therapist said, I hope you understand what you have to do. And I thought maybe she was gonna tell me to pack up and go home. But she didn't. She said, you need to start writing about Nantucket. And that was the moment when I was like, you're right, I should write about Nantucket. And I started, started writing my novel, the Beach Club.
Speaker 1:So you start writing in Iowa and you have this really kind of a lucky break where someone saw something in your writing, but you weren't an instant hit.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, no. No. My agent, Michael Carlisle, he came to my very last workshop at Iowa. He was my professor's agent and he grew up summers on Nantucket himself on Main Street, very fancy house. So he took an in interest in me purely because I lived on Nantucket and then asked me to send him my book when I was finished with it, which I did. He took me on as a client. That was instant. But you know, we sent that book. There were , at that time, 13 publishers in New York. We sent it to all 13. We had 12 rejections and the last publisher offered $5,000 to publish it, which is was little even way back in 99. When I sold it. It was very small advance. So I said, yes, that's fine. We didn't have any other offers. So I sold the Beach Club for $5,000. My first five books, in fact, they didn't hit. And part of the problem, or most of the problem was my publisher wasn't the kind of publisher that put any money. There was no advertising. I didn't tour. If I wanted to do an event, I had to pay for everything myself. I can remember one event over on the Cape that I did at a strip mall and I had a toddler and a infant and I had to take the infant that was Dawson. I had to take him with me in the baby bucket. And I had to pay for my own flight, pay for my own rental car, get to the bookstore. They had a big banner that said Author event. And I felt this swell of pride. I'm like, I'm the author. This is my event. Nobody came. I think I sold three bucks, but I feel like I also bullied those three people into buying it or somehow enticed them. And it was super humbling. And I got home from that particular event and I called my agent and my publisher and cried. And I'm like, I don't know what I have to do to make you pay attention to me. So five books pass in this way. And then I write a novel called Barefoot. My agent said, I think we need to shop this one around. And market was different at that point. There were, at that point, 10 publishers in New York. I went, I shopped it around. I found a new publisher, little Brown, they changed my life. They offered a lot of money, more importantly than offering me money, as they put a lot of money behind the book in marketing. And even then, Carrie , it wasn't, I mean that book I think hit the extended list. And then my next novel, the Summer Affair , hit the printed New York Times bestseller list. Like at number, I don't know, number 15 or whatever. But it was book by book, summer by summer, year by year . They built me. They built me, they built me. And then in 2019 I wrote a novel called Summer of 69. Finally I hit number one. I had to beat where the Crja sang. Wow. It had been number one for like 49 weeks. And I thought, and she , and every week she was number one, every week she was number one. And I said to my editor, am I gonna be able to get her to catch her? And my editor was like, I don't know, let's give it a shot. And then the week, it was my week, I was at an event in Providence. It , it was a 400 person event. You find out about the bestseller list, the Wednesday 10 days out. So the Wednesday at five o'clock they print the list and they email it to you. And I didn't wanna know during my event, 'cause I didn't wanna be distracted, but my publicist showed up at the event at the end. She said, can I tell you? I said, yeah. She said, you made number one on both of
Speaker 1:Us. Wow. I'm like gonna cry because
Speaker 2:I know it was , I
Speaker 1:Just, it's just so inspirational for anyone who's an artist or a writer.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It was my 23rd book. I mean it was Right . Literally a lesson in And very interesting too. I mentioned Crawdads Only 'cause the juxtaposition of her Delia Owens. It was her first book. It's probably gonna be her only book. She's well into her sixties. I'm not sure if she wrote another book that she could top crawdads anyway. And me who I felt like I was climbing up a mountain with a very heavy backpack. Like, like making a little bit of headway every single year. And then to finally get to number one, it was so satisfying.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So rewarding to have done it that way. Absolutely. Rather than to shoot at the top of like my first book. And I think a lot of people who have enormous success right away have problems later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. I remember when I first met you, I said, Ellen , I haven't read any of your books. My mom's a super fan . <laugh>, shout
Speaker 2:Out to mom
Speaker 1:<laugh> my best friend Kelly, super fan . A lot of my friends are super fans . A lot of my clients are super fans . And I said, where should I start? And you said read Lou Bistro. Yeah. That's my favorite. Yeah. And it's amazing. It's so incredible. But there's another example of a book six years later.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. Six years later it hit the bestseller list. That one rode the Wave of Silver Girl. Silver Girl debuted I think at number six , uh, that year. And it did well enough that, that St . Martin's, my first publisher, decided they were gonna reissue <laugh> all five of my books that they'd under published to begin with The Blue Bistro. Yeah. Hit the bestseller list six years later. Wow.
Speaker 1:So you often say that you never wanna disappoint your readers and you're always trying to be better than your last book. Where does this drive come from? Or you're just born this way.
Speaker 2:Anybody that's putting out a product, especially something like a novel wants to grow and you wanna do something , I , I sometimes say I wanna do something different or better than as good as, or better than , but different from one of the things that's the hardest thing about my job is I'm, I'm expected to do exactly the same thing year after year, completely differently. And that is the challenge. I just turned in my 2023 novel, which is called The Five Star Weekend. Carrie , I was up nights thinking, this isn't gonna work. It's not gonna work. It's gonna stink, fretting over the particulars of the characters and the voice and the omniscient voice and the plot. I couldn't get it right. Couldn't get it right. Couldn't get it right. And I stuck with it. And it is very, very good. And I'm very, very pleased with it. But it, it is grinding it out. It is not like, oh, I sit down with my tea and it just magically comes to me through the ether. Like it's really, it's hard.
Speaker 1:That's what people don't understand. Yeah. Is I'm so grateful that you're on Silent at Love. But I'm like, if there was one more day, if I could do any more research, I mean I did so much research and I try so hard with every episode. Yeah . And every cover and the pain and the sleepless nights. Yeah . And the dedication and the discipline does not fall outta the sky. No.
Speaker 2:Anything quality is thought, care, time, energy, all of those things. So few things that are worth worthwhile just happen. Right. They just don't, it just doesn't happen that way.
Speaker 1:It's true. So discipline is your superpower. And I cannot believe how disciplined you are. You work out three hours a day.
Speaker 2:Yeah . Which is just annoying. But I do, I work out three hours a day. The , the exercise is the discipline that sets up my day. And people hate , like, the people in my life are very annoyed. But it's in , in the end, I always say, you should be grateful. 'cause it really keeps my sanity.
Speaker 1:And I think you need to have that time and that space to
Speaker 2:Create. Yeah, absolutely. So much thinking gets done, especially during what I call my jogging it , it used to be running, it's now I go, so after I, we can talk later, but I had breast cancer and I slowed down running just naturally. And now it's just jogging, which is anchorman slow jogging. That's when I, I get so much thinking done. That's good. When I'm doing that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. That's really inspiring. And I've heard you say before that it's not the talent or the writing, it always comes down to the consistency, the follow through . You've gotta move through scene by scene. You've gotta rework it, listen to your editor. It's a lot of discipline. Yep .
Speaker 2:It's discipline. It is. And anybody that out there that wants to be a writer, you know, and I hear from people all the time, oh, you know, I wanna write my life story. And generally that doesn't work. You really need to have an idea of like a narrative arc, like a , a story that's gonna make sense and be intriguing and has lots of drama. Content. Conflict is the best content. Right. You need to have a lot of conflict and really intriguing characters that you think about a lot. I don't know. There are a lot of elements that go into a really good novel.
Speaker 1:It's true. And I started writing over these past years and boy did I quickly get humbled. Yeah. And have , that's hard . Such respect for the craft. Yeah. It
Speaker 2:It's ,
Speaker 1:It's hard. It is hard. I think it's one of the hardest things you can do. And so you write escapist fiction and you feel real life scandals are better than anything you can invent in your mind. And I listened to an interview about your favorite book, family Happiness. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative> . And you asked what's more interesting than how we live? I agree. I find other people's lives fascinating as well. You're in the process of finishing your 29th book. Where does the creativity come from that keeps your reader so intrigued?
Speaker 2:I think it's the deep dive into character. The number one question people ask me is, do you take characters from real life? You can't because fictions make sense in a narrative arc. And the characters would have to fit and they, and they just don't. But I take enormous joy and delight in creating characters now. It's like moving in with a roommate. Right. So day one, you do not know who these people are. When you sit down to start your novel, you , I have no idea. They reveal themselves. You spend day after day after day after day after day. And then, you know, after six or seven months, just like moving in with a roommate, you know the person much better than you did on day one. And I always laugh. I'm like, you know when you move your child to college and you meet the roommate on day one, you're like, oh, he seems so nice
Speaker 1:<laugh> that , you know, week two psycho week two. Right . Exactly.
Speaker 2:Like they like people reveal themselves. And, and it's precisely the same in fiction.
Speaker 1:And you have so many characters. I mean, you couldn't keep it all
Speaker 2:Straight. No, I, I can't, like I've forgotten, like people will sometimes have just finished a book and they'll ask me like about something from the island. Right . And I'm like, I actually, I'm sorry I can't remember. But at the time I was feeling it, you know? Right .
Speaker 1:And some of the books have more characters and I'm like, there's gotta be like an a DD version of this. I know . 'cause I can't, I need like keep it all straight. Yeah . It's a lot. It's very entertaining. So why did you choose to write about love and romance of all things that you could write about?
Speaker 2:You know, I'm a domestic writer, romance chick Lit , like how we live. And one of the cornerstones I think of every life is our romantic relationships. I mean, it's so funny 'cause I feel like people always wanna ask me, particularly like somebody did, I was, I did an event in Las Vegas end of October and the woman up sitting up front, she was older, she raised her hand and she said, I just wanna know, do you have someone special in your life? And I said, you're making me feel like Jennifer Aniston. That's very funny. But it's something I think that we all wanna know about each other. 'cause it , it's a meaningful part of life. Right , right . Is how we choose to , you know, who is our special person. Right. Who's our go-to person.
Speaker 1:And now I know you <laugh>. Yeah . And I'm like find myself in your books wondering, are pieces of this love interest? It's just human nature to go there in your mind. Yeah . Like yeah . Is this kind of how it is for Ellen ? You know? Yeah . I think people just do that.
Speaker 2:But I mean, the answer is no. It's um, I mean there are bits and pieces. Uh , my boyfriend's name is Tim. We've been together a long time. We've been together 10 years and we're long distance and we've been long distance the entire 10 years. And it really works for both of us. Obviously we're very, very good at it at this point. And we see each other a bunch. But there are bits and pieces of him in the last 10 books easily or you know, maybe more because he's, he's so different from me and he has sort of a different worldview. And so it's so interesting for me to sort of borrow things that he says and pieces of his life and and stick them in there. But it's not him.
Speaker 1:But I could see those parts as well. Yeah. The thing I took from your relationship is that he is different than than you. Yeah. But he does a lot of things with you. Yeah. That matter so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah. One of the things that Tim does, which makes our relationship extremely successful, is that he reads right. And he reads the books that I give him and he reads books that I wouldn't read, but I need, I think he might like. And then I get sent a lot of arcs, which are books that are coming out but haven't , aren't yet out. And so I said , will you just read this and see if it's any good? I mean it's almost the sexiest thing about him. He , he is so intent , like he will sit with me on the beach. So few people will do this, right. He will sit with me on the beach and we go to the beach, I dunno , five, six hours at a time. And he will sit there and read and I mean he swims and we have our lunch and whatever. He falls asleep. But he is such a, an intense reader and I just find it so attractive. I'm like, this is a person who reads
Speaker 1:Well, you value reading. I do. You're
Speaker 2:A writer. And his attention span is amazing.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Then we talk about it and we watch shows, you know, shows together. I think the things that you're consuming when you're consuming the same thing as your partner, it's , it makes life better. It really does. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I watched this show and my boyfriend didn't watch it and I was, I was bummed about it because I'm like, I love this show so much. Yeah . But that is one thing that he does where he pays attention to like, he'll read all my ideas from my shows and all that and that really makes a huge difference to me. And I love that your boyfriend, he reads the books that you read on the beach, that's invaluable.
Speaker 2:Invaluable.
Speaker 1:But I like that you set things up to work for your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:How did you meet Tim now?
Speaker 2:I was on my way to St . John for the very first time and I, this was years ago and I had a layover in Philadelphia and my luggage was lost. I was for clumped and I was at this crappy, I don't know, it was at the Hilton in Philadelphia airport. I was at this crappy sports bar. It was March. March Madness was on. And Tim and I struck up. He was the only other person, well there was, there were a few other people at the bar. But he sat next to me and we struck up a conversation and he was surprised how much I knew about basketball. I know a lot about sports across the board, but I knew a lot about basketball and I knew about Lehigh and he had a Bucknell sweatshirt on and we were like , I don't know , we just struck up a conversation. He was going down to Jamaica for his best friend's wedding. I was going to St . John and you know, we hooked up that night a little bit and then decided that he would come down and see me in St . John. And so that was our second date. Well that was, I guess if you called the bar the first date. Then our second date was, he came down to St . John for a couple days.
Speaker 1:Now when you first started talking to him, did you tell him who you were?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I said, I'm famous. I said , um, it's gonna probably freak you out. I wasn't that famous then. I think Silver Girl had just come out and he said, well my mom's a really avid reader. And I said , and I said, oh, give me her name and address and I'll send her a book. And I can remember thinking to myself, I'm gonna send this random woman a book. 'cause I had brought some books down to St . John 'cause I anticipated meeting people and like giving them away. I don't know what I , what I was thinking. And I did and I, I thought, okay, I'm gonna send this random woman a book. Hilarious. And actually, in retrospect,
Speaker 1:It's amazing how you are is you are very humble. So you don't think about all these books and bestsellers and all that when you Yeah. Are hanging out with other people. No ,
Speaker 2:Of course not. You're just very grounded. No one cares. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that's so good.
Speaker 3:How great would it be to find the love of your life, the man of your dreams. Do you believe online dating would work if you had the right tools to be successful? Well, I have exciting news. I've created your best shot at Love Masterclass. I cannot wait to share with you what's worked for me in my life and for many of my clients that have helped over the years. If you enroll in this class, you have a winning mindset and believe in getting help before you start something new. If you're ready to see changes in your dating life and wanna take action, check out my free webinar@shotatlove.co. If you decide you're going to choose another path that you're worth it and you're willing to enroll in the masterclass, you can also register@shotatlove.co. I designed this masterclass specifically for you to be successful. Please know that everything you're going to learn in these nine modules and six coaching calls has been carefully curated for you. So you can gain the success you truly want. I will be there for you the whole time. In the meantime, I wish you all the success and I can't wait to hear about your story of Finding Love. I'm Carrie Brett and I will be your mentor and friend through this incredible journey.
Speaker 1:Now you were
Speaker 3:Divorced.
Speaker 1:That story is so interesting as well because you have such a wonderful relationship with your ex. One of the books that you have that just got picked up for a Netflix series is called The Perfect Couple. And when you go to Nantucket, it's so picturesque and you look around and it looks like all these beautiful people living beautiful lives. But the truth is, no one lives a perfect life in Nantucket or anywhere you believe a perfect couple doesn't exist. And you feel that since your divorce , you're just, just, your relationship with your ex is so much better.
Speaker 2:I think so. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so to uncouple was your success?
Speaker 2:Well yeah. I think there was a moment, or probably with both of us where we thought, are we like, is this a fail ? Like are we gonna call this divorce a failure? And there might have been a time, you know, whenever it was that I thought, oh is a failure . But I no longer think that. I think it is a huge success. We are good friends. We speak every day . We are president and co-president of the Cunningham Corporation, which is our children, our three kids and just our lifestyle. And we both live on Nantucket. He lives three miles away. You know, I love him. I love him and I know he loves me. And I really do consider Chip my family. That's never gonna change. It's never , he can get remarried. You know, I probably won't get remarried, but it will never change that he is my family, my person.
Speaker 1:You don't see it this strongly. No.
Speaker 2:You're
Speaker 1:Like Demi Moore and Bruce .
Speaker 2:Yeah . That's very special.
Speaker 1:It's so special. So now I wanna talk about the struggles of a working single mom. You used to write your books on a legal pad at your son's baseball games. Yep . He wrote wherever you could. That's what people don't get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been doing it since the beginning. I mean, I remember when Dawson , when Max was like three in Daw , the summer Dawson, after Dawson was born, max maybe wasn't even three. He was almost three. And I would put Max downstairs in front of the television. I mean this is the true talk here. Real talk. And I would take Dawson up and nurse him and put him down for a nap. And I had a notebook and I would, so we would be in the bed, Dawson would be sleeping and I would write a in the notebook in bed while Max would , and then Max would come up looking for me, you know, and it would be over. That would be how I got my time writing is when the kid , and then sometimes Max would fall asleep. They'd both be asleep and I'd and I'd write and somehow <laugh> , you did . You know , I got books done every year when they were little. I don't know how I did. It was hard .
Speaker 1:I dunno how you did it. I love that you talk about the struggle you've made characters, the hero who are working moms have struggled with this as well. Is that when you have a very demanding career, you miss things. Yep . And you can't always be at , you have three children, you can't be at three different places at once. Right. And one of the things that you've said in an interview that was so powerful, you said, was I a perfect mother? Probably not. But I was good enough. And I thought, how powerful for other people to hear that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I mean, parenting in general, let's just say you're not, let's just say you're a stay at home mom. Nobody does it perfectly. And there's also like a construct in our society where it's like good mom, bad mom. That I also don't believe in that. Just good , are you good enough? Yes , you're good enough. Like my kids are, have their ups and downs obviously, and at different moments shine in different ways. But they know I love them. They know their father loves them. And I think they feel secure and independent in the world.
Speaker 1:It's amazing. And they're proud of you and love
Speaker 2:You . I mean, kind of <laugh>, they're a little bit eye rolly , <laugh>. Okay mom.
Speaker 1:And you got divorced and that was really challenging. And then in 2014 you were diagnosed with breast cancer and it was like those years where a perfect storm. Yeah. How did you get through these challenging times? I can't even believe this, that you were diagnosed, you had a book coming out. The book came out on June 10th, three days later you had a double mastectomy on June 13th. 12 days later after surgery, you started your book tour.
Speaker 2:Crazy Tone. I look back on it and like, how did I do that? The answer is the , is the discipline. And that was true also the divorce. The divorce was very disruptive. I had moved out, I mean, I had to get another house. We were splitting the kids. It was tough for the kids . So it was all encompassing. But at the same time, I had a book to write. So I was writing the book and I was doing my exercising. And those two things were like my constant. So I would exercise, I would write the book, and then the rest of my time was consumed with making sure the kids were okay. And , and then the second year, the year right after that, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Same thing. It was the discipline. You know, I could no longer go running, but I would do a walk and I would write, I had a book to write. And I kept that first, like those things first. And then I worried about, I worried about the cancer second, you know, I was being treated at Mass General. So I had to go back and forth between Nantucket and Boston. And it was a , it was a lot, but I had other things that I was working on.
Speaker 1:But I think what was really amazing about your story is that you just were really honest with your fans.
Speaker 2:Yep . I guess my publicist asked me like, do you wanna announce this? I think she thought I was gonna say no. And some people obviously wanna keep it private. That person was not me because I'm like, the demographic of my reader and the demographic of breast cancer are precisely exactly the same. I had to cancel tour dates. I didn't wanna be coy about why that was happening. I was writing a novel called The Matchmaker, or I was promoting a novel called The Matchmaker. And in the matchmaker, my main character gets cancer . And I had done all this research and I was growing my hair for relax for , I mean I was doing, you know, I'd met with oncologists and, and then it turned out to be me who was sick and it was bizarro. So I thought, I have to write about this. So I wrote a piece for the Huffington Post called Mama Strong, but it was when Life imitates Art . 'cause here I had written the novel and then it was happening.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna read the first couple of lines because I was blown away by this article. And these are your words. And here we are. One year later, I have undergone five surgeries. I have lost three breaths. I've written two novels this morning. I ran eight miles and spent 45 minutes at the gym after delivering my three children to school.
Speaker 2:That's, that was probably true. Yeah. <laugh> crazy. Is that bananas? That's bananas.
Speaker 1:I woke up this morning, I said to my boyfriend, I'm like, I, I can't even believe how ridiculously strong she is . Yeah. And special.
Speaker 2:But it was, it was my way to survive. You know? It was just to keep going because I think you either, I think when you get a diagnosis like that, you either stop, it's like, you know, freeze. What , what are the three things? Like freeze
Speaker 1:Stop, trap roll .
Speaker 2:Like , it's like, okay. And , but I was like, no, I'm , I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna pretend like this isn't happening. I'm just gonna keep going. And until it actually stops me in my treks, I will not stop. And I just sort of overcame it in that way.
Speaker 1:But you had all these amazing fans that showed up. Oh
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And reassured you, they were further along in breast cancer. They had harder times in a lot of cases. Correct. They would come from chemo and, and say, Ellen, yep . I just wanna let you know you're
Speaker 2:Gonna , you're gonna be fine. Those two ladies in Chicago, I'll never forget them, no hair came to my book signing just to say, you're gonna be okay. And I thought, if they can come to my book signing without any hair, I can, I can definitely do this. Right . I never saw them or know, I don't know who they are. I talk about them every time I speak. And I speak across the country for breast cancer, other breast cancer organizations. I've mentioned them every time because they passed a baton to me saying, we're telling you you're gonna be fine. And, and then I realized that, you know, I should go out. I should spread the message.
Speaker 1:You should, like you said, you're a famous writer to share your story is so powerful. But it's not easy.
Speaker 2:No. I mean it's not, I've, I'm always happy that I , when I do it right , I was, I was in Houston last Friday, I had 800 people at a , an event in Houston. And it feels good to tell them like whatever it is that you think being a writer, <laugh> , being a famous writer is like, it's just not, it's not like that. It's like it's work. Yeah.
Speaker 1:But honestly, someone caring we're so busy that we forget. Yeah . My mom, I even mentioned that she's a huge fan. And I would go to these book signings and I would get the book and you'd sign it and run home, give it to my mom. And I would be like, mom, look what I have. She's like, I already read it. I got pre-order <laugh> . Like I would be like, what? <laugh> . And I always laughed about that. But there's been many summers I haven't been able to be on Nantucket this past summer. You asked one of my friends, you're like, how's carrie's mom doing that really mattered. Like you get it. Yeah . And people asked and showed up for you. And when people do that for other people, it sometimes is that magic like medicine or just that Exactly .
Speaker 2:Superpower
Speaker 1:That just keeps you going. And so sharing your story, I see you crying and on these different talks, it took a lot from you. But what it did do was make your life matter. Like you live every day .
Speaker 2:Yeah . Life of meaning, I mean life of purpose really is how I like to think of it. Like I want to live a life of purpose and intentional. Those are always my goals when I wake up.
Speaker 1:So as a romance novelist, I wanna talk about love.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about love. Let's
Speaker 1:Talk about love. Something you know an awful lot about. What would your advice be to someone who is down in their luck and looking to find that special person? So
Speaker 2:The , I mean, really the answer is, and I go over this, my daughter's 17, so she's sort of in the, in that, I mean the stage we all were in 17. Like what am I looking for? Like how, like how does this all work? What I repeatedly tell her is, you need to worry about yourself first. You cannot possibly enter a relationship, even a , even a high school relationship unless you have a very firm self sense of self. So the answer is always, and I'm sure you've had many, many guests tell you this, you have to work on yourself. Once you're good and strong, you will attract people to you. You will, it's very, very important to me. Now, you know, I mean Tim and I are long distance, but it's very, very important to me that I do things by myself. I will take the occasional vacation by myself, but I go to events on Nantucket all the time by myself. I like my kids to see it. I like them to see that I'm independent. That I'm not afraid of being alone. So that is my number one piece of advice for finding someone is just you be good with you first and the rest will follow.
Speaker 1:And another thing I've heard you say is make your own money <laugh>
Speaker 2:And make your own money. <laugh> . I always say that. I say that to my daughter too. Very, very important. I was not told that
Speaker 1:Romance and finances can trip you up.
Speaker 2:Yep .
Speaker 1:Absolutely. In life. If you don't get that squared away. Yep . It's so interesting. Now, what would your perfect date be on Nantucket?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. I really love to socialize at night. Uh , you will occasionally see me doing the day drinking. So there is I think a version of my perfect date that like starts at like the beach and like a drive up the beach and like sandwiches and champagne. But really, I like to socialize at night. And that's because, you know, Carrie , I'm busy doing my productive stuff during the day <laugh>. But at night I love going, I mean, Nantucket is like the number one place.
Speaker 1:It's a Catalina wine mixer to
Speaker 2:Go out to dinner. I mean it's just , it is so great. Right. And so I think my , my best date would be like drinks at the galley and watching the sunset, going to dinner at Nautilus and then swinging by the club car to do some piano bar singing and then taxiing out to the chicken box. I like to stand front row. I, you know, there are certain cover bands I'd like and yeah, I mean it is like full on like let's have fun. Right.
Speaker 1:Does it crack you up that your fans who have never been to the island go to the chicken box and then the chicken box has to call you and
Speaker 2:They do it all the time? The best thing I really wanna say, I have fan these fan weekends and I'm doing my last two fan weekends.
Speaker 1:I think I'm gonna come,
Speaker 2:I'm doing my last two. My last two.
Speaker 1:I know . Tell us about that.
Speaker 2:The first two weekends in January, people from all across the country come to the Nantucket Hotel. The hotel is beautiful. It has a spa sauna. I mean it's just gorgeous. The rates are very, very low for this particular weekend. And then we do all the Ellen things. Like they take bus tours to see all the spots. They, there's like a sip and shop in town downtown. The stores have sales. They offer little wine. I sometimes call it the Ellen Hildebrand Drinking Weekend. 'cause there is a fair amount of drinking. There's like the wine and cheese, there's the buffet dinner on Friday night. There's a seated dinner on Saturday night. There's live music both nights. But the biggest thing, the thing that people love the best is Saturday night we have the fancy dinner. We leave and we go to the chicken box. I hire my favorite cover band, max Tone from Springfield, Massachusetts. They come, they sing all the eighties, nineties, 2000 songs. There's a was a woman who it was, she was there for her 60th birthday. Her name was Eileen. She got up on stage during, come on Eileen and everybody was singing. But these ladies like, they want to re, I'm gonna say recapture their youth, but it's like to just let go. Right. And have fun and feel like you're young and be at this dive bar. Like screaming the lyrics, dancing like crazy. It is the always the best. The high point of the whole weekend. I had a single woman come a number of years ago and she like met a guy like , so then the single guys on Nantucket all know about this night. The chicken box, right ? Mm-Hmm . <affirmative> . So they all come and she met someone and had a relationship with somebody that she met at the chicken box .
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:At my weekend.
Speaker 1:She takes a shot at Love in the Road. She didn't check it that weekend. Right. That's amazing.
Speaker 2:So funny
Speaker 1:How many women will show up.
Speaker 2:So it's 200.
Speaker 1:That's incredible. Yeah.
Speaker 2:For two weekends. So it'll be 400 women total
Speaker 1:And this is it.
Speaker 2:And this is , these are the last two. And then the question is like, why don't , why don't you keep going? It's so popular. And the answer is that it's like anything else. Like I wanna stop all it's perfect. Right. And not have it go downhill.
Speaker 1:I agree. We did that at the improper Bostonian. I was devastated. But my publisher was right. Yeah. She said we're going out on a high. Yep .
Speaker 2:Just do it. I agree. We've seen the opposite. Right. People who wait too long and
Speaker 1:You know, you've covered the island every ounce of the island. And the thing is, Ellen, you can do anything and everything. You're still, you're still gonna have your talent. You still You can . So I
Speaker 2:Can go back. Yeah, I can. Whatever. I'm not worried about it at all. I'm really not worried about it .
Speaker 1:No , I'm excited for you and I hope all five movies get picked up. Thank you. Vi not one all five. I heard Kara Cedric was gonna direct one and then bailed. And so funny about the six degrees of Kevin Bacon. 'cause my college friend was their nanny. Oh
Speaker 2:My gosh. We would've , so you were like literally like two degrees away. <laugh> . I would've been two degrees away also. Yeah, no, we're just waiting to hear on a different director. But the perfect couple is being made into a six part prestige miniseries for Netflix. And so excited they're gonna start shooting in spring.
Speaker 1:It's so good. So in closing, what does the next chapter look like for you ?
Speaker 2:I mean, I think I'm gonna take a breath, which is much, much needed. You know, I'm either touring or I'm in copy edits or I'm composing. My goal is to have a year where I don't have to do any of that. And if I'm writing, which I , you guys, I will be writing, but it'll be on my own time. I won't have a deadline. I'm gonna do a lot of reading. I'm gonna do the things, you know, I'm gonna try and be more spontaneous because as you might have gathered from listening to this podcast, like there's very little spontaneity in my life because I am so intentional about how I spend my time. And it would be fun to just be like, oh, I think, you know, I will go, yeah. Oh, I can go out to lunch. Yeah, I can meet for drinks. Which now I just , um, have to be really careful about what I say yes to.
Speaker 1:I'm so grateful that you said yes to me. And this has been so fun to have you on my show while you're in town. And Ellen, just like your books, you didn't disappoint. Thank
Speaker 2:You. Thank you so much for having me. So
Speaker 1:Where can people find out more about you and follow you on social media? Oh yeah,
Speaker 2:Really. I'm an Instagram girl at Ellen Hildebrand. I do a cooking show. I do a lot of atmospheric Nantucket, beacon Hill, St . John Photos. I love gardens. So you , I can't garden myself, but I like to take pictures of other people's flowers and decor and I'm renovating my house. So that'll be on there. I mean , it's a whole thing. My Instagram, I love it. So I would go there.
Speaker 1:Good. Good. Well thanks so much. I loved having you. Thank
Speaker 2:You. Bye Carrie .
Speaker 1:Bye . And for now, this week shot at Load dating tips that are inspired by our guests , Ellen Hildebrand. Number one, you need to worry about yourself first, do the work on yourself. Once you're good and strong, you'll attract people. Number two, going out and finding a man won't fix you. Do things on your own. Don't be afraid to be independent and do something for yourself. Number three, make your own money. Because what we find attractive in men are the same things they find attractive in us men like women who have their finances in order. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what Shot at Love is here for, to help you find love, keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this podcast. Stay safe and stay tuned for more episodes. And if you like this show, please subscribe and leave a five star review. I'm Carrie Brett and we'll see you next time.
