Shot At Love
Shot At Love is the first motivational dating show of its kind. It teaches you how to be successful in online dating while inspiring the listeners to go for it. You can find love, and are worthy of it. Shot At Love with Kerry Brett - Me, Exposed- Introduction to Shot At Love Podcast with celebrity photographer Kerry Brett.
Shot At Love
From Heartbreak to Empowerment: Solitude, Resilience, and Rebuilding Confidence with Janice Formicella
After a painful journey through divorce and domestic violence, Janice Formichella changed her life by turning heartbreak into empowerment. She found strength in solitude, a story we've been waiting to share. As a breakup coach and host of "The EX-Files" podcast, Janice guided herself from rock bottom to new heights, and she's here to offer you a roadmap to transform heartbreak into personal growth. Her candid reflection on moving to Australia for a supposed short escape, which became a five-year journey of self-discovery, speaks to the power of resilience and embracing change.
Janice shares her strategies for rebuilding confidence after heartbreak by engaging in meaningful pursuits and embracing what she calls her sexy single time. Learn about the “sexy solo date nights” that replaced weekend dread with self-determination and how goal-setting and new projects helped Janice and others move forward from the pain of a broken heart. Her insights highlight the importance of changing environments and finding joy in one’s own company, as well as powerful tools to break negative thought cycles and foster self-confidence.
Discover how media consumption can shape your mental health, and hear Janice's personal experience of cutting out negativity to pave the way for a mindful lifestyle. She shares how uplifting shows like "Queer Eye" and "Grace and Frankie" became part of her healing process, transforming her from a party lifestyle to a more purposeful existence. With practical tips on building confidence and reclaiming self-worth post-breakup, Janice offers hope and guidance, encouraging you to embrace independence and cherish the journey to self-reliance.
I'm Keri Brett and this is Shot at Love. Today we're discussing breakups, broken hearts and moving on, and this week's expert is Janice Formichella. She's a breakup coach, writer and host of the podcast, the X-Files. With a PH not F.
Speaker 1:When you're in the process of a painful breakup, you forget how much power you have and how much is in your control. Believe it or not, you are in charge of how you handle moving forward and can choose how you feel. Each day, it's common to feel sorry for yourself and many of us lose our identity, sense of self and worth. Janice will share how to flip the script and how you can easily turn your breakup into a magical opportunity when we come back. Janice will encourage those struggling to get empowered beat that breakup and create the life you love. You won't want to miss it, so stay tuned.
Speaker 1:Janice Formichella took a painful divorce and turned it into a positive. Janice Formichella took a painful divorce and turned it into a positive. After recovering from domestic violence and hitting rock bottom in her 30s, she did the work needed to heal her heartbreak. She decided to share what she's learned, support others and help her clients build new lives through one-on-one coaching and by creating her podcast, the X-Files. As a breakup coach, janice supports those struggling with the pain and confusion of a broken heart and shows you how to turn your breakup into an opportunity for something else. With a focus on overcoming loneliness and living a desired led life, she works with people to become passionate about being their own soulmates and using solo time as a superpower. It is my honor to welcome Janice Formichella to the show today. Hi, janice, thanks so much for being here.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. Happy Monday. I'm loving starting my week with you.
Speaker 1:I know I love this too and I love your story. It is so impactful. It's going to help a lot of people and I think it's just your honesty about how you ended up in this situation. So take the listeners back. You know you got divorced and you found yourself in an unhealthy situation. Tell us a little bit about your story.
Speaker 2:A lot of my work is very closely informed by my life experience, so a lot of people do tell me that they find me to be quite surprisingly honest. But it's just. You know, I can't separate my work from my story, so I am happy to go into it. I first got the idea for breakup coaching and podcasting many years ago. I was divorced about 12 years ago. At this point I did really well with my divorce. It was definitely the type of marriage that had been really winding down, and so I really thrived as a newly divorced person got the idea for breakup coaching. But life had a lot more experience for me in store.
Speaker 2:The universe wanted me to get more life lessons for sure, one of those being that my next relationship after my divorce was with a brilliant, gorgeous man who completely swept me off my feet. Like you wouldn't believe. Things went really really quickly, and I actually moved to Germany to be with him and found out, probably within maybe even the first weekend of being there, that he had a very severe alcohol problem that I was just not aware of and that he got physically violent when he drank. I was a little in over my head even at that point, having just moved there and I did end up staying in the relationship on and off for quite a while Well, I mean a year and a half, but by that time I mean it had really kind of destroyed my life. I was able to finally leave after law enforcement got involved and went back to the States and was completely messed up Very serious depression. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD but I was I had all the signs for sure really nervous. I wasn't able to even drive myself places because I was so skittish. I wasn't able to keep food down and also I was just, I was just a broken person. I had no determination to even beat it. Really I would. I just kind of wallowed in this.
Speaker 2:I stayed with some family members who were very fed up with the situation at that point which anyone who has been in this situation will know that in the beginning you know a lot of people try and support you the best they can. The fourth or fifth time that you're saying you're leaving and then go back, time that you're saying you're leaving and then go back, people get pretty fed up with it, and that was certainly my case. I, you know. I really saw what a lack of support can do to someone, which is how I kind of kept the idea of breakup coaching going. But there was still more for me to learn about three months in to this kind of depressive cycle and I was not getting better. If anything, I was getting worse and definitely and I have so much compassion for that woman because she was in a lot of pain I, however, was managing somehow to keep some work.
Speaker 2:I don't know how, really looking back, but I'm a freelance copy writer as well, and I had the opportunity to go on a work assignment to Australia, just a little randomly. I mean, it was nothing that I even really sought out. The opportunity kind of came to me and because I was on very shaky ground with the family members I was staying with and had no hope or enthusiasm for the future, I definitely had no desire to even get my own apartment. So I took advantage of the opportunity and ended up in Australia. I was meant to be for one month. I came back to the States five years later.
Speaker 1:Wow, oh my gosh, do you think you were almost running away by going to Australia?
Speaker 2:Yes, and to be honest, until recently when I I mean, I came back to the States about three years ago and until about that point I did. I had kind of a history of doing that, to be honest, and that's because I got married really young. I came from a really religious community. I never really even had desire to be completely self-reliant and certainly had very low level of resilience at this time and a thousand percent I would run from my problems. That being said, when I got to Australia a completely broken person I'm not even sure why this client of mine wanted me to work for them looking back but because I was staying with some people that I didn't really know that well, kind of wanting to experience a new place I did, for the first time, kind of start going out meeting people, people who didn't know my story, people who weren't fed up and irritated with me and my life choices. I got involved with some really cool activities right away. I've always been very extroverted and I just felt like as soon as I started getting out there and having conversations with people and seeing that people weren't judging me and were curious about me and not critical of me, my healing just skyrocketed. It was great. One of the first times I even went out in Melbourne. I got invited to five rhythms dancing, which is kind of a form of group dance therapy, and I went in hard with that five rhythms. It really transformed my experience of putting this abuse behind me. I got better. I started gaining some weight again and feeling happy about life for the first time in a long time.
Speaker 2:Being with an alcoholic really robs you of your enthusiasm for life, for sure. It's very much putting out fires constantly. So I decided that I didn't want to stay there just a month. I associated all of my healing with the fact that I was there and so I decided I was going to try and gain residency, really committed hard to that, to that process. I always looked also externally for validation and for problem solving, decision making, certainly any type of gratification. I mean I wasn't associating any of my healing at all with anything that I had done or my ability to get over it. I completely associated with the friends I met and the fact that I had done or my ability to get over it. I completely associated with the friends I met and the fact that I was in this new place and so I desperately clung on to staying there for a very long time. It completely ruined my life. Again it got bad.
Speaker 1:So you try to get residency in Melbourne and they don't tell you how long it's going to take. I think they said something between two weeks and six months.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's if you can. Even so, the visa that I got. I tried a few different ones. It is a very exhausting, defeating process that I would probably not encourage anyone to try and go through, but I did get what I thought at the time was lucky in that I think about three years into the process I got a work visa or a work sponsorship, which everybody wants, but it's it's hard to get. So, yes, I applied for it, and this is the other thing you can't stay on shore while you wait for it. They will, and that's what they told me. They said it could take up two weeks or up to six months possibly, and in the meantime, better go somewhere else to wait it out.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you decided to go to Bali. Yeah, and now. This is when things get really real for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, because I had been so dedicated to staying over there and because of the situation with things before I went to Australia, I just I didn't really have any networks in the States, so I didn't think about going back to America at all. And, as people will know, bali is close by, it is a warm place, it is an inexpensive place. It was definitely the most natural option. But yes, this is where stuff gets real for sure and directly leads to what I do today for a living, and that is I went there alone and you know, keep in mind that for you know, these three years that I was there, I wasn't just, you know, having a little bit of a community and a few friends. I was the most social person that probably anybody knew. I really compulsively would keep people around me all the time. I went out every night. I lived with an extrovert who I was friends with and I was just like one thing after another constantly. And then I get to this foreign country alone with no end in sight.
Speaker 2:I didn't handle it very well in the beginning. I was absolutely terrified. I was very kind of immature about it. I would say I still, to this point, didn't give myself any credit for even the life that I'd built for myself in Australia. I thought my happiness completely depended on having this thriving social scene, and I had gotten also to the point where I was so uncomfortable spending time alone. And here I am alone.
Speaker 2:Also, I didn't have much money and so I wasn't traveling, and I did get fairly depressed Once again. I would just absolutely dread every evening, completely dreaded the weekends. I would call up my friends and just cry to them on the phone. There was nothing, no inner strength really, in me. I had inner strength, but I didn't know it yet, and there was nothing, for the first two months really, that made me want to figure it out. I just once again stayed in this miserable place and it sucked.
Speaker 2:The visa process was just going on and on and on, and after the second month I did finally realize that I don't know when this is going to come to an end. They can't tell me anything and I can't live this way, right, right. So then I kind of started developing tips and tricks that I use with my clients today to figure out how to be happy spending time alone, how to look forward to it, how to thrive in it. I then had two more months left, and I loved it. I had a great experience. It took a lot of trial and error, for sure, but it helped me to develop the ability and the perseverance that I have today. Plus, it allowed me to enjoy my experience in Bali.
Speaker 1:Right, okay. So I want to talk about these tips because you come from a place of being this person who cannot stand to be alone, and you self-medicate by having this over-the-top social life so that you're never by yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's really interesting to me.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was like I said, it was almost a compulsion for me.
Speaker 1:Right, I like when you say that you dreaded the weekend, and I remember dreading holidays, weekends, having no place to go. I almost feel like I dated so much too, because at least, even if I went on a bad date, it was better than staying home alone, totally, totally. So, yes, you started to become very clear and realize that if you want to fix things and be happy, it came down to you and your choices. Mm-hmm, one of the things that helped you keep your mind busy and this worked for you as well during the pandemic was having goals and having projects. Yes, these projects kept your mind occupied, and I think it's really hard when you're still healing a broken heart.
Speaker 2:It is really hard and that's why I tell people you know, if you are healing from a broken heart, do allow yourself to have a small amount of time where you are going to to be sad, and that's just the same for everybody. But what I have seen, and what I absolutely did myself, was that you get more comfortable in that stage then, kind of leaning into the unpredictability of what your new life is going to look like and what it may look like for you to. You know, walk into the future in a new chapter of your life that you didn't even want in the first place. And one of these things is projects. And I did start this when I was in Bali and it it helped me tremendously and it still does to this day, and you're absolutely right. One reason I'm glad I went through this is I was fine during the pandemic. I still live alone and I didn't have the fear around it that a lot of people did.
Speaker 2:So I do suggest projects. I do things like decoupage, I love to decorate, I love to do blog posts, I love to kind of research, fun meals to make, taking courses, that sort of thing. I use a bullet journal and, yes, things that can keep your mind busy, keep your body busy. I started walking a lot, which is still one of my favorite hobbies to this day, something that I do on a daily basis, and that helped us as well, because it got my body moving, it kept my mind occupied, it got me out of the house. This is really big for people who are going through breakups. Getting a change of environment and getting out of your immediate surroundings will help you get out of the slump. It's you know, I think your body and your mind get used to cycling certain things over and over when you're in the same place, over and over, because that's what it's used to doing when it's there. That can serve as a really important circuit breaker for things, as if you commit to just getting outside for a nice casual walk.
Speaker 1:I agree. I think it balances the stress. So your advice is to go out first thing in the morning, walk to a cafe.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what I do, yeah.
Speaker 1:I like that. Or just find some way to get outside, because it will reduce the stress, it will get the blood pumping, you'll get some vitamin D, you'll be in the sunshine Yep. And you found that doing this first thing made your day easier.
Speaker 2:Yes, for oh, I mean 1000%. It did, and that's why I still. I have gotten in such a habit of doing it that I almost can't be completely productive until I make sure to go out for my walk. I don't feel like I have the same sense of clarity that I do. We all have access to something outside. I also struggled a lot with morning time dread and morning time depression, and so I found that getting outside, yes, and moving my body helps me to get over that. I'm actually very much a morning person now, but it was because of these walks, and it was also because of these walks, that I kind of had an opportunity to think about my life, all the chaos that I had created in it. For the first time, you know, I wasn't surrounded by people day in and day out, and so I started to think about what do I really want my life to look like? And that's what I still do today. I will often just think what do I want my day to look like? And think about that while I'm walking.
Speaker 1:So you put structure in place and you can do all sorts of things to make you feel accomplished. You can find all new things to study. The online courses are huge. That was a big thing during the pandemic. Yeah, find something to look forward to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like this one. So, like I said, I really had this weekend dread thing and it would start on like Wednesday.
Speaker 2:I'm not kidding, I was not doing anything. I would just stay in my villa and, like I said, call my friends and complain about my life, which I'm sure they loved. But people were actually pretty supportive of me. I was kind of missing out on the experiences of going new places. I lived in a place called Ubud and they have this really, really cool restaurant culture and I was just missing out on all of that because of not wanting to do things on my own. So I just thought that enough is enough and I decided one Wednesday, when I was starting to have this weekend dread, that you know what Friday night's going to get here and you're going to just take yourself out to dinner and what I now consider my sexy solo date night. I got dressed up and I went to this Mexican place that I had been curious about trying. It was great.
Speaker 2:Just the fact that I got out and that I wasn't sitting there complaining about my life to my friends and instead doing something new.
Speaker 2:It really shifted things for me, and so I started doing this at least every week, and sometimes more. I was on a pretty tight budget when I was over there, so I didn't have as much accessible to me as some of the people I met, but without fail, every Friday when I was done with the little bit of work that I had, I would get dressed up and go, and it's still something that I do today. I enjoy having something to look forward to during the week. I always have plans regardless of who else is available. I like that. I'm new in the city I live in and I will say and I really want single people to know this is getting out and going places on my own has made me such a confident person. I get approached when I'm in public because people are curious about me. All of the friends that I have in this neighborhood I met when I was at the local pub on my own reading or working on something or just having dinner.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing. It was transformative yeah, it sounds like it, and you would save what little money that you had and you made this a priority and that's a shift. That's a shift in mindset, that's a shift in behavior routine and when you change something, it always brings a new opportunity. So I think this solo date night is great and I think women have a hard time going to sit at a bar. But you can bring your iPad, you can bring a laptop, you can bring a book, bring something to do?
Speaker 2:I work with my clients on, you know, taking themselves places alone and helping them to overcome that daily schedules. I work with people on that as well and I am surprised how many people are very, very resistant to going out to eat or going to a pub or a bar by themselves because they think that it looks weird or that it feels weird. I do often say, you know, if you feel uncomfortable but you have a desire to lean into this because of you know what they've heard about my story. You know what? Bring a little security blanket or buffer. I even told you I'm like, just go and look at your phone and act like you're busy. You'll feel more comfortable and what's really cool, I'm a big bar top girl. That's where I feel comfortable and you will notice I promise everyone listening other single people who are alone. Go to that bar top and you're not going to be the only one, I assure you.
Speaker 1:I know I did it too. I would go into the city because I had to change my surrounding, and I always encourage people to change your radius on your phone, on these dating apps too, because when you're in a new location, you'll pull in different people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that tip a lot.
Speaker 1:And so it is all about your mindset and taking control of feeling less alone, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and, like I said, this is great for single people because not only will it help you to heal from your breakup, but I think that a lot of people really struggle with confidence after a breakup, especially people who feel that they were left or that they don't completely understand what happened. You know, our confidence can get shattered. The more that we get out in public on our own and do it successfully, the more confidence is built up. It can help with that a lot and then in turn, you know you heal. It kind of goes hand in hand, I think, with the breakup process.
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Speaker 1:If you're ready to see changes in your dating life and want to take action, check out my free webinar at shot at loveco. If you decide you're going to choose another path, that you're worth it and you're willing to enroll in the masterclass, you can also register at shot at loveco. I designed this masterclass specifically for you to be successful. Please know that everything you're going to learn in these nine modules and six coaching calls has been carefully curated for you so you can gain the success you truly want. I will be there for you the whole time. In the meantime, I wish you all the success and I can't wait to hear about your story of finding love. I'm Carrie Brett and I will be your mentor and friend through this incredible journey. So you also have another tip around media, Like what are you consuming? What would your suggestions be if you're going to binge watch Netflix?
Speaker 2:I love this so much. I ended up going back to Australia in four months After all of this investment of time and money. The entire thing blew up in my freaking face like you would not believe, like crazy, disastrous circumstances once I finally got this visa. Disastrous circumstances once I finally got this visa. And so then I kind of backtracked and plummeted back into, you know, again back into my depressive cycle, and then I remembered that I had all of these tools and tricks that I had learned in Bali, and so it helped me to get out of the slump a lot faster. However, before picking myself up yet again in my life, I did go through this period where I really lent into the misery of everything I would notice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got really affected by what I would watch. I for some reason started watching that show that was on a few years ago called Bloodline. My friends would always be like why are you sending us these depressing text messages? What is going on with you? And it was because I was being affected by this show, and so I made a rule for myself positive media only.
Speaker 2:And my two favorite tips for breakups, both on Netflix, both happy shows that I would challenge you to not be in a better mood after. And that is Queer Eye on Netflix. I love those men so much. They are such positive forces for good in this world and they are helping people going through their own struggles to build self-confidence and self-determination and they're just lovely, lovely people. So definitely, if you want to binge, that's a great reality show to binge. Grace and Frankie this show is absolutely hilarious. It's about two women who are going through breakups who, you know, stand by each other and learn how to support one another. It always puts a smile on my face. I always recommend those two things for breakup binging.
Speaker 1:I love that. I think it's so important to really control your mind, like what you're putting into your mind. Music too yes, music can be huge. And also one thing that you said that stood out to me. You said I leaned into the pain this time. Instead of creating chaos and filling your time with other people and depending on these friendships and going out, you leaned into different things like meditation, journaling, and this is when you first started to write your first coaching program. Tell us how you went from this like party girl to really looking forward to each day.
Speaker 2:It was a process for me. It took me a lot, like I said before, trial and error and learning new things and new ways to go about living and the reason why I, instead of just kind of letting the chaos build up and going and looking for someone else to solve my problems again which I had done my whole life when I lost the visa and everything blew up in my face, I realized that I was in such a similar place to where I had been after leaving the abusive situation with you know broke and life in chaos, nowhere to live, and that I just I wasn't making progress in life. And I had to face that. And I also had to look at all of the drama and all of the chaos that my life just had consistently been and tell myself and get you know kind of it was kind of like a tough love situation Just stop, and you're not looking to anyone else to solve your problems. This time You're not going to try and get another visa. You're not going to try and get another visa. You're not going to try and get someone to come and save you. You got to start living life on your own and you got to start taking responsibility for things I had never done, that it was always either poor me or who can I bring in to my life to possibly help solve some of these problems, who can I lean on, who can sponsor me, who can help me, who can loan me money. And so I just realized that my life was going to stay in this continual cycle unless I really started making some serious changes.
Speaker 2:The kind of crazy thing is that I at this point, kind of associated the growth that I had made when I was in Bali with the fact that I had spent so much time alone. I got a house set in Melbourne and I just kind of told everybody I'm going to be kind of taking a break from things for a while. I ended up, even though still having friends, still being in Melbourne, still having all of the opportunity in the world to socialize and get out there and date Certainly I had lots of chances for that I decided enough is enough. We're going to be spending a lot of time on our own girl and you are going to figure this out. I decided I wasn't going to stay in Australia. Figure this out. I decided I wasn't going to stay in Australia and, yes, I started this really lovely morning routine that I still do to this day of meditating and thinking about my desires and reading in bed, actually with my coffee Little tip there. Always make yourself feel like a VIP. Oh I love that.
Speaker 1:That's so good. It's so interesting that all of your problems really came from a place of not being self-reliant.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wasn't at all. I mean really, even when I thought I mean that's one reason I stayed in Australia for so long, because I just I couldn't consider picking myself up and getting my own place and just being self-reliant and figuring it out. And that's why I was so scared to come back to the States, because I didn't have the connections and the it out. And that's why I was so scared to come back to the States, because I didn't have the connections and the networks here and so it would be just completely starting from scratch with very little, and I just didn't even think I had the ability to do that. I mean, for a few years there it was like this isn't even an option for me, me being responsible for my own life, that's just. We're not not even going to go there.
Speaker 2:You know, now I'm one of the most independent, self-reliant people I know and love having this beautiful apartment that I'm completely responsible for paying for, love that I have really great work, love that it's up to me to make plans to make myself happy, that it's up to me to make plans to make myself happy. Put aside retirement, all of these things, I find a lot of joy and a lot of pride, too, from learning all of this and getting to this point, Because, honestly, there was a time that I just wouldn't have thought, wouldn't have been able to picture it for a split second.
Speaker 1:Well, your confidence has come back. So when you're in an unhealthy, destructive, abusive relationship, the first thing to go is your belief in yourself.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, and you know, being in abuse, being with an alcoholic, I had no self-esteem whatsoever. I did get a lot of validation from the fact that I did have a really good social network, but again, that's all external, that's all looking outward. I never looked inward to you know what can I do and what can I do on my own? Because I actually don't think I really ever had that confidence. You know, I left my parents' house to my husband's house to 10 years of chaos, and it was through this time of deciding that I was going to spend time alone, saving the money to come back to the States, getting my own place, learning about a new city with no friends. At the time that I learned what true confidence is. I definitely want to hold on to it for sure.
Speaker 1:People are down. There's so many pieces of the puzzle when you are navigating a breakup. You have to start over, you have to pick up the pieces, and it's so scary and it's so big and one of the things that you say is like add one thing, like make it easy, simplify. I want to hear some of your other top tips for using this time alone to become this magnetic single person.
Speaker 2:The morning routine, I think, can be so important after a breakup and it can help so much with confidence and with getting out of a rut that people find themselves in. Often people after a breakup might be living alone or might be waking up and thinking about how hard it's going to be to to get through the day and to not think about the ex and to not possibly be in touch with the ex. And so this is one area where I do say pick, you know, pick one thing that you can add to your morning routine so that you, when you wake up, you have something to look forward to. That is how I started doing the coffee and books in bed, and this I actually started this ages ago.
Speaker 2:When I first got to Australia, I was still pretty broken up, as I said, over the breakup. When I woke up, I had to really snap into gear because you know, I'm actually I'm there for this job. I'm living with people who I don't know. I can't just wallow in bed all day, all day, and go and cry on my in my bedroom on my breaks which is what I did when I was living with my parents I just started thinking you know what is the nicest thing that I can think of doing in the morning, and that was coffee in bed with books. And so I started it and, and you know, I think feeling like a VIP from the first time, from the first moment you wake up in the morning, can really help with a breakup and can get you going on the right foot.
Speaker 2:And so I do often with my clients, go through what their daily schedule is like, and then often we hone in on the morning routine and adding just a little bit of magic to it, whether it be a playlist or some new, a new shower gel or some special, you know gourmet cookies that you eat.
Speaker 2:And then from there, I would definitely say to look at your entire schedule, see where you can fit these walks in. I often like to ask people to just, you know, close their eyes or take a moment, think about what do you feel most uncomfortable doing on your own? Because people are struggling with loneliness a lot during this time. Often someone will pick something and then we'll work together to plan some sort of outing or to tackle it so that you get to the point where you enjoy doing this thing on your own and you look forward to doing this thing on your own, and that is a lot of fun as a coach, I'll say. A couple months ago I had a client who took herself shopping and then out to a high tea as part of her assignment and oh, it was so great. She sent me photos and she is absolutely unstoppable today.
Speaker 1:I love that you mentioned something to dress up that was your solo date. Pie is something that makes you feel good, you know, really put the focus back on you, and I think we lose ourselves so much in these toxic relationships that we cut out the friends. Everything becomes about that other person.
Speaker 2:Oh, 1000%. And that is why some people do feel lonely after a breakup is because sometimes we, you know, neglect the network that we had before we got in so deep in the relationship and people might feel weird about reaching out, or there might be even some broken relationships, and so, yeah, I think that's one reason people feel lonely. Getting out and going out on your own and using this as a catalyst for building confidence is definitely possible, but you know you should feel comfortable with how you look, with how you look. Yeah, you know that'll probably make you more comfortable being out in public on your own, and so I definitely encourage people to get dolled up and do what they would do if they were going on a date with someone else.
Speaker 1:What happens if you encourage someone to go out on a date with themselves or go out and they don't have a good time or it made them feel more alone. I've heard that before too.
Speaker 2:So I mean. I'll say, though, from my experience that that does not happen very often.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's good.
Speaker 2:Normally people report back with something that they really enjoyed about it Once in a while. You know, especially when it comes to the whole going to a bar on your own once in a while, people say that they didn't quite get there. And you know what I might say maybe we can try something else. Or if you're really feeling determined, give it another try. But the coaching process is so much about learning about yourself and figuring out what is going to work. So certainly people are allowed to tell me they didn't have a good experience and then we just troubleshoot it Okay, so you're convinced that you can rock this time and use it as a superpower.
Speaker 1:I am. If you were going to say one thing, would it be mindfulness, or what really changed everything for you? Was it cutting out all the toxicity or cutting away things that didn't serve your higher good? What would you say?
Speaker 2:I would say that realizing that I was responsible for my own happiness and that I was capable of providing myself happiness was the biggest game changer for me, and that is what led me to this whole journey of learning to spend time on my own, and it is what directly led to the amazing life that I have today, everyone listening, I did turn things around and I now definitely have, probably I might even say the life of my dreams, but it was because I finally realized that I had everything already inside of me waiting. I just needed to figure out how to tap into that.
Speaker 1:I love that. This has been amazing. I love all your tips and I love how it all came down to you. It all came down to your choices and everybody can do it.
Speaker 2:You just have to take accountability for the mistakes, yeah, which I did, and that was hard, but I realized that I had created the chaos and so therefore I could solve it too.
Speaker 1:Right, you can solve it and you can take ownership of your choices and learn and make better choices, moving forward. I think it's so great. So where can people find out more about you, your course, your coaching, or find you on social media.
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, I'd love everyone to come and check out X-Files. Wherever you listen to podcasts. I love that. You pointed out, keri, that it is X-Files, so that's X-lovers, that's files with a PH, and so please come and check us out. We've got lots and lots and lots of resources for breakups and dating again. And then, secondly, if you could come to my Instagram, I'd be absolutely thrilled. That's Janice Formichella, all one word. If you do come to my Instagram and tell me that you heard this episode, I will send you some X-Files stickers in the mail, which I just got a new batch. They're super cute little affirmation that's written on them, and I can ship those around the world. So come and find me there and say hi.
Speaker 1:Great Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. I love all your tips. I think they really could catapult someone out of a rut, and that's the goal, and I would be all over this episode back in the day when I was at rock bottom.
Speaker 2:So I hope it helps someone.
Speaker 1:I know it will. So thanks so much. I loved having you. Thank you and for now, this week shot at love dating tips that are inspired by our guest breakup coach and host of the X-Files podcast, janice Formichella.
Speaker 1:Number one always make yourself feel like a VIP, starting with your morning routine. Janice starts her day with coffee and books in bed. It's a luxury and makes her feel like a queen. Number two go to fancy restaurants on your own and don't be afraid to try Janice's sexy solo date. It will make you feel more confident and increase your chances of meeting someone. Number three be single long enough to become happy with your life. Work on your relationship with yourself first. If you're good on your own, you'll make better choices in a partner. I hope you found some of my tips helpful this week. This is what Shot at Love is here for to help you find love. Keep up the commitment to yourself and commit to helping someone else by sharing this show, which airs five days a week on Power Me Up Radio, talk 24-7, the station with heart. On iHeart. I'm Keri Brett and we'll see you next time you.
