Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
The Comedic Side of Fitness and Aging
In this episode, we delve into the unique experiences and surprises of entering our 40s, sharing humor and honesty about aging. With discussions that range from physical changes to family dynamics, we reflect on the highs and lows of this stage in life and what it means for our health and relationships.
• Navigating expectations vs. reality of aging
• Humor in facing body changes and weight fluctuations
• The diminishing activity levels in adult life
• Balancing family life and personal fitness
• The role of gym technology in our workout routines
• Accepting our unique journeys through midlife
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:Alright, guys, how do you feel about being in your 40s? When you were 20? I thought it would be totally lame.
Speaker 1:How about this, jay? How about this? How about this? So, when I was getting out of my Hold on. So when I got off of work today I farted and I got out of my comfortable expansion waist like whatever the fuck they're made out of.
Speaker 2:I'm already feeling you.
Speaker 1:Dress pants and put on jeans Jeans fresh out of the dryer, I might add and I went to go button them together. I noticed that somebody shrunk my jeans. Somebody shrunk my jeans and I've noticed a lot of things since, like I've turned 20 versus now that I'm 40.
Speaker 2:That was. You know what I mean, guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was, that was amazing okay so it's because all I did was try to have a conversation like I would normally have and talk normal instead of like you get into this like sort of you were 35 and you wanted to be 40 and you wanted to act like you were 20. How do you think you're feel like you're older now?
Speaker 2:Basically, I'm word vomiting at you. Well, it's like those you know that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you know like.
Speaker 2:What I really wanted to say was, though I talked to you and Chris and I asked Am I doing it again Like what is like a fucking wrestler? Am I doing it like a wrestler? I fucking understand when you fucking come here, you know it does have macho man vibes, but is that what I'm doing when I'm trying to explain?
Speaker 3:something. It's like you're trying to talk really fast because you got a thought that you think you're gonna forget that's true, that exactly what dude?
Speaker 2:where? Where are you? My therapy? I thought that's why we came here exactly. But, seriously, I was slowing down my fucking voice. When I asked chris about, uh, something we could talk about, I thought what would be better than talking about what we feel like now when we're 40, opposed to how we felt when we're 20? Right, and with me, there's so many things I can think about, especially my okay. So I don't remember what age it was, but I remember. Okay, this is kind of weird, I was taking a bath, okay I like taking baths so you were four
Speaker 2:take me way back, jay who doesn't take bass in the winter to warm up? I do thank you, chris.
Speaker 1:I do not recall the last time I took a bath.
Speaker 2:I thought you said I do you fucker dude. I do with salts, fucking bath salts. I do with fucking candles, come on I go all out.
Speaker 3:Those hot tubs count. That's different. I don't have a hot tub.
Speaker 2:Otherwise I fucking knew that yeah, that would go and I go like to a yeah, a hot tub somewhere so I you know what it was around my 30s, maybe my early 30s, maybe my late 20s, I'm feeling these, you know these lumps on the sides of of my body and I'm like this is, this is kind of weird. You know, I'm not used to extra skin, I'm used to being a little bit more fit. And then, uh, I, I, uh, I asked my pops. I'm like, hey, you know what, when, what age were you when you started to get a little more heavy? And he's like, ah jay, this is weird, don't to me about this, I don't want to hear about it. And every conversation ended there. But, like, seriously though, like at what age did you realize that you were not going to get back to your thin self or fit self?
Speaker 3:Well, this is interesting because I've been the same weight since middle school, Like you've never been thinner at all.
Speaker 2:No, no, I've seen pictures of you. That's bullshit, tony. I've seen pictures and I'm looking.
Speaker 3:I take that back.
Speaker 2:I've I've fluctuated between 220 pounds and 240 pounds for the last 30 years but there's a picture of you and michelle up there that you look 60 pounds lighter. No, it's right outside this door?
Speaker 3:not a chance. I've never been 60 pounds lighter.
Speaker 1:I've never been 180 pounds, except for when I passed what I'm asking between like 180, which I haven't been at in a long time, which goes to your point and 200 what no? I might be over 200 right now which prompted my what were you in high? School probably like 165 or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah you're fucking, that's okay, that's high school bro okay, fine, let me do high school.
Speaker 1:I was, maybe I'm going to riverbound high lives and like fucking.
Speaker 2:Maybe I'm going too high up in age, maybe going maybe like early 20s in high school I used to eat a bag of chips and a gatorade for lunch.
Speaker 1:No breakfast and I would eat like yeah, mountain dew is with fucking real sugar.
Speaker 2:No, I never drank that mountain dew no, but seriously, though, I felt that shit and I'm like wow, this is mist maybe't have no mountain dew. Moon mist. Yeah, all right Moon mist, but it just never went away. It just kept getting worse.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's getting worse. My activity level has decreased.
Speaker 2:So you're saying the less activity. How many?
Speaker 1:years ago was it that we played soccer A decade? It wasn't that long ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was like a decade, wasn't that long ago? Yeah, that was like a decade, and I that's when I, but I don't think it was a decade.
Speaker 1:I was feeling I was those lumps, those fucking love handles. So I took a corner kick and I pulled my fucking hamstring to sit out for like the next three weeks. That was when I realized that was the moment that was a moment. I used to have to run like two, three times around the fucking field to warm up and but I would actually just kill me and I'd be done for the night no, you would.
Speaker 1:You'd be smoking on the sidelines no joke, I never smoked on the sidelines. You smoked. No, maybe not you smoked.
Speaker 2:Then you smoke cigarettes and you're like when I gotta go in, when am I gonna go?
Speaker 1:in no that was not me. There were people I was drinking, but not smoking I'm a striker.
Speaker 2:No, that was like 15 years ago.
Speaker 3:Yeah, got one smoke burning that's straight one smoke burning in an ashtray. That shit was fun.
Speaker 2:In an ashtray that looks like a soccer ball. Nah, it's like everybody's mom, used it as an ashtray and you just slap it back on your chin.
Speaker 1:So basically what?
Speaker 2:I'm thinking is when we did that, however long ago it was, could we do that now?
Speaker 1:No, I don't know how old you guys are. I don't know if we could get in a less competitive league than we were already in Wait, wait and still remain somewhat uncompetitive as it was Tony are you good at volleyball.
Speaker 3:I've never actually played it, but I think I would be better at it than you. If we do it, we're going to have to Are you talking about because you're taller?
Speaker 1:No, okay, well, if we do that, if we do it, if we do Volleyball League, we would have to do it. What I would like to do if we did Volleyball League is do the podcast before or after our game. Oh, that'd be amazing.
Speaker 2:No, actually, just as we're playing volleyball, we put headsets on like fucking in sync.
Speaker 1:So we're on a volleyball court trying to communicate who's going to set bump and spike or get the hit or whatever. Who? Serves next, while also the three of us of the five-man team, or whatever, are having a conversation completely separate from the game. So the other two or three people in our team that are subbing in and out with us and should have no conversation of the podcast.
Speaker 2:You say something to me.
Speaker 1:No, talking about the story I had last week, jay, about how we're fat now no, I really, yeah, I feel fat big, I feel gross. So I took myself the liberties of taking one of these recent nice days we've had and running a mile to the park with my dog and my kid on her bike. Okay, and then half running and walking on the way back.
Speaker 1:It was bad dude, dude, just a mile, like a mile of semi, because I'm not that active like, especially in the last, I would say like eight to twelve months I've been really inactive, like just inactive um tony's and i's jobs is an active job. So you remain somewhat active and stretching and limbering and reaching and picking up shit left right back. I don't have none of that shit in my life really sometimes, unless I have to like fucking force it and watch monday night football doing running in place and sit-ups and push-ups and squats and shit of just sitting there I would say when we do our aerobic type exercise.
Speaker 2:When it comes to work is carrying in tools and or materials. We have uh long sheets of boards, we have uh heavy bags of mud, especially if it's it's more.
Speaker 3:It's more of a physical job than most jobs. I would say it's in the top 15% of physical jobs.
Speaker 2:I agree, and that's why not a lot of people do tile.
Speaker 3:And I know for a fact that I'm fat now. But if I did not have this job I would be fucking massive. But if I did not have this, job.
Speaker 1:I would be fucking massive, and that's where I'm at is. I'm not massive, but I'm becoming more. I can see my cheeks when I look at my own face.
Speaker 3:You know my, my family genes tell me I should be about 340.
Speaker 2:Everybody in my family Wait, what is the exception?
Speaker 3:You're younger brother joey's the only exception thin as shit, but joey, joey his wife takes everything he gets first and he only gets the scraps joey sorry joey, joey is 100 percent. Elena, my dad's side still said it wrong. Probably he is my dad's side. He looks exactly like my dad. That's exactly how my dad was he remains super active, everybody on my mom's side dude.
Speaker 2:They're all like six, six, four hundred pounds joey eats skittles and fucking uh chip, uh cheeto, fucking cheap chips, whatever the fuck they are hot chips.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for lunch. He's got lunch.
Speaker 2:He's on the convenience store diet skinny as fuck still, and he's almost 40 right, those are empty calorie shit he burns up working.
Speaker 1:He's like 33 okay, okay, never mind he's done was 40.
Speaker 3:Don't worry that shit'll catch, catch up real quick oh yeah dude, I can't wait. Real quick. Last time I went to the neuro doctor appointment with him, they weighed him and he was like 141 pounds.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, he's skinnier than I look Holy dude.
Speaker 2:I weighed more than that in high school.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's up to like 160. Now that he's not super depressed anymore, he's chowing down a little better.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, you didn't hear about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I didn't talk to Joey in a while he's got some personal issues, he's working on fixing.
Speaker 1:His kids don't go to my wife's school anymore.
Speaker 3:I think yeah, they do.
Speaker 1:Aren't they older now?
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:No, he's got a sixth grader, he's got, like, yeah, sixth grade's not at the grade school anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, his oldest kid. I don't know if it's the oldest, the boy, I don't want to say the name on the podcast.
Speaker 2:I think that job definitely has to do with being less. I don't know fat, you're not, you're not fat, you're not, you're just like, oh no you're husky, you're husky, I'm giving you a compliment.
Speaker 1:I'm thick.
Speaker 2:I'm officially in the extra large t-shirt game right now instead of large and I was always a large when you start to get a little bigger, like did you dig it thicker?
Speaker 1:yeah no, it stayed the same I think it like shrinks, it gets sucked into your fat ass everything else gets bigger around it, so it appears smaller but when you're skinny it looks like it's just like the, you know, like anything why doesn't your nose look so? Big because you're so tiny I mean?
Speaker 3:I mean I know for a fact it's still two hands and three fingers long. Wait, wait wait, my brother's hands are what kind of hands are we talking?
Speaker 2:Like Dan Dan's hands are my hands, all right, okay, so you got like six inches, and then how long?
Speaker 1:I just looked at this wooden hand on our table and I was like that's the three fucking fingers, dude what the fuck.
Speaker 2:So that should be something that should change. We should try to figure out. You know, girls, if they get bigger, what do they get?
Speaker 1:Bigger butts, bigger boobs.
Speaker 2:Bigger tits, Bigger asses. Guys should get bigger dicks.
Speaker 3:I haven't found the right food, it's the opposite.
Speaker 1:You Guys, she get bigger dicks. I haven't found the right food.
Speaker 3:You know, like when a woman eats chocolate, and they're like, oh, it goes straight to the hips. I have not found a food that goes straight to my dickhead.
Speaker 1:Man, every time I eat these oysters, they go straight to my dick.
Speaker 3:I don't even care about the shaft, I want the head.
Speaker 1:The fucking girth bro.
Speaker 3:I want it to look like a tree.
Speaker 2:I've been eating Eggos for a month and my dickhead has not changed. Yeah, eggos ain't going to do it.
Speaker 1:All right. So when I did concrete, I was savagely in great shape, dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how old were you? That was just 15 years ago. 15 years ago 20, maybe 28?
Speaker 1:15 years ago, 20 maybe. But like from when I was, yeah, from when I was uh, 24 to 28 or something, yeah, I was doing that concrete shit.
Speaker 2:So did you ever take a picture of yourself naked?
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm sure somebody's got some shots.
Speaker 2:You got a picture naked. I was a single lad during these times.
Speaker 1:It was in the days where I didn't have to wear designer clothes or anything to impress a girl. I just had to put on an old white t-shirt and some jeans and my body took care of the business, show up half naked and you got it.
Speaker 1:Well, what I'm saying is like yeah, at that time, because everything I did was physical, like the whole work day, oh yeah, oh yeah, you know, but here's the thing we're just packing and unpacking a truck as a laborer is like a goddamn workout for an average person who goes to the gym and pays 300 a month to be a member but there's there's.
Speaker 2:There's differences though, because we do that every day and I tell you, right now, there is not a lot of fit towel guys out there. I haven't seen we all got guts of some sort and they're all working their asses off yeah, but their arms are popeyes and their bellies are like fucking popeyes. So how does that happen?
Speaker 1:well, because you're doing the same thing and you're fucking consuming all these calories as you're doing the works. I don't fucking know yeah, you're taking because your metabolism shit. No, your diet is quick trip fucking brand.
Speaker 3:Oh man, I might be fat, but I'm in the best shape of my life right now. I I'm not far. I'm stronger than I've ever been.
Speaker 2:I can literally bench press your little ass, you probably could, but have you ever went to the gym ever?
Speaker 3:Actually I just recently started going what, yeah, are you kidding me? No, why don't you tell me what's gym? It's this really exclusive?
Speaker 1:club, why would he tell you? So he could bench press you.
Speaker 3:It's called the YMCA. I can already tell he's lying. No, I go to the YMCA twice a week. What the old person fucking gym.
Speaker 2:No, that's what the YMCA is. He's 40.
Speaker 1:He's old now.
Speaker 3:Apparently, you've never went to an exclusive area's YMCA. We have a rock climbing wall. Areas ymca. We have a rock climbing wall. Get the fuck out of here. We do a rock climbing wall. Yes, right in the entry. That's gotta be a goes up 30 fucking feet. That's gotta be an insurance claim waiting to happen. But so they just redid the gym area and my wife, um, and her quest to not be so chunky started hired a personal trainer don't they give that to you for free when you first sign up?
Speaker 3:no, no trust me, she pays for it. I'm cutting the checks. But uh, they just installed this new thing, it's so. She told me about it and I'm like that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of in my life. But it's called an e-gym and it's. It's a series of like 14 machines and you have like a little key fob bracelet that you wear and every machine you go on to you click your little thing in okay, and the machine adjusts to your specifications and changes to your ideal weights okay, and and the weights change. Like you have to go through in the first round you ever do. It basically gives you all your strength and endurance tests.
Speaker 1:So her trainer is some fucking ai fucking algorithm.
Speaker 3:No, she she beats with her trainer and they do like free weights and I don't like yoga shit and stuff, but she goes twice a week also inclusive to ymca.
Speaker 1:The wristband machine operation. That's fucking crazy shit so.
Speaker 3:So you go to the first machine and whatever. It's like some kind of pushy pulley thing yeah you click your thing like the fucking seat goes down, arms raise up. Does it have a which is your?
Speaker 2:weight. Does it have like a, uh, a tv screen showing you how to actually do the exercise?
Speaker 3:wow so, and then it gives you it's like, it's like this wavelength path you gotta follow while you're doing whatever it is the moment to use your right muscle you're not pulling it too hard and letting it go too fast.
Speaker 3:This is insanity, and you go through this circuit and each machine's like you're basically on it for like three minutes or whatever it is, and then, as soon as that machine's done, you go to the next machine and it's like this shuffle. So you do this circle that goes around and then if you want to check your stats, it puts you, you can go. They got like one that you stand in front of or stand on. I guess that takes your weight and all that kind of shit and it tells you. It tells you physically how old you are which is fucking sad it's sad as don't don't trust those.
Speaker 2:I bought one that actually does my bmi, like a scale that does my bmi.
Speaker 3:I'm like 62 it's not, yeah, it told me I was 58 years old I'm in the ymca like fuck you, bitch, I'm.
Speaker 1:I'll show you 62, motherfucker, get out that fucking wristwatch. We'll talk about 52.
Speaker 2:Those ain't ever right. Don't worry about it, tony, I got your back.
Speaker 3:So I'm in there on Monday, right, and I'm getting it right. I'm like fuck yeah. When you go in the morning or night, I'm getting it Night and I look over, I look over, I look over and there's there's this fucking gray hair next to me, right?
Speaker 3:this older dude I'm like his old ass. It's like 6 pm, it's like his old ass is probably here after dinner, fuck this guy, you know. And then it doesn't really tell you, like like on the bottom, it tells it really small, like how much weight the machine's having you do, right, and on some of these machines I'm struggling a little bit, um, mainly because my shoulder's still a little fucked up, so I have a. I have a tough time with things that I gotta like push and pull straight out, sure, and uh, I look at the weight I'm doing and and this guy's behind me actually, so I get off the machine and I'm doing, you know, whatever, whatever it is on this machine, like 80 pounds. And then he comes and sits down, scans his little thing and the machine all fucking adjusts and I look and he's doing like 210 pounds and I'm like what the fuck? And I just look at this dude who's like easily mid-60s and I'm like this dude is fucking jacked.
Speaker 3:I'm like what the fuck is he on these fat people machines for? Like, why isn't he over just like fucking curling in front of the hottest girl dude? This system sounds phenomenal, it's my. My wife was telling me about it and I'm like really they're fucking ruining workout equipment with fucking electronics there is some tech that makes sense and some that is just ruining our lives, and then that makes sense. She begged me to go and I'm like, oh, this is actually real fucking dope okay so because it just progresses for you then, well you get like efficiently workout.
Speaker 3:Because that's why I don't work out is because I feel like if I work out I just won't be very efficient at it and it's this big, it's this big circle it's this big circle and you're supposed to do it in order and either your personal trainer or the fucking unengaged 17 year old at the counter can come up and change which program you're in. And they have like fat burning, strength training, endurance hey, if he's doing that, he's laughing no but okay.
Speaker 2:so how many you gone how many times so far? Oh, like a dozen, okay, okay. After the first time, uh, did you get sore? The next, the sore, the next day.
Speaker 3:Um, I got very fucking sore in two specific areas. Okay, you got sore the next day I got real sore in my hurt shoulder, which probably means I shouldn't be doing some of these machines. Yeah, that's not right. And I got real fucking sore. Apparently, I don't work the muscles in my inner thighs at all.
Speaker 1:What is that?
Speaker 3:Because, from the inside of my knee to my dick meat. It fucking hurts so bad.
Speaker 2:Wait, so they had you do it in full body. Yeah, so you're not supposed to do full body every day or every other day. You must stick with certain muscle groups, say your shoulders and your arms. Next day you do your, your back.
Speaker 3:Well, I feel like that's for people that come to the gym in shape already.
Speaker 1:That are like refining things.
Speaker 3:I feel like in my current state, I need muscle confusion.
Speaker 2:Mass, that's what Arnold Schwarzenegger says you gotta confuse the muscles. I feel like when I'm doing the inner thigh workout where I gotta push out, Listen if you are trying to exercise your entire body, you're gonna be doing like six hour fucking exercises where they do not.
Speaker 3:This is a tailored e-gym system.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're missing the whole fucking point. Bro, it's optimized, shit's optimized.
Speaker 3:It's not nine minute abs.
Speaker 1:It's eight minute abs.
Speaker 3:What happens when?
Speaker 1:someone carons with eight minute abs. I'm pretty glad you're getting taken care of Good job.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you you're doing it the wrong way.
Speaker 3:I'm just super worried that I'm going to lose Dick mass as I start.
Speaker 1:Are you?
Speaker 3:doing any Dick workouts. Well, there is two machines that involve your dick it feels really weird, I think in the YMCA.
Speaker 1:I think you're doing it wrong and you're paying the wrong person's paying in this trainer situation. I don't know if this chick showed me how to do it.
Speaker 2:Little 17-year-old kid comes up to you and is like wait, you're not supposed to get totally naked, but you're okay, he's just dry-upping the fuck out of the machine you've been using the pool.
Speaker 1:I thought the y was just for the pool no, I don't use the pool okay.
Speaker 2:So, tony, now back to the subject. Though if you were 20 years old doing this, you probably could be like oh yeah, this is fucking nothing, not be sorted next? Probably I I don't know like as of a couple weeks ago.
Speaker 3:It's like the first time I actually ever worked out in my life. Okay. So that's way different. And and I really don't know why, I'm doing it because I'm not like ashamed of how I look, I'm not.
Speaker 2:It's good. It doesn't matter about being ashamed or not.
Speaker 3:I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 2:I'm dying young anyway, listen, it matters about being healthy Bro.
Speaker 3:I smoked for 20 years and I'm still fucking vaping.
Speaker 2:That doesn't matter.
Speaker 3:I'm probably dropping dead in my early 50s. That doesn't matter, dude. I don't see myself making it to 60. Why you got to be so negative, Tony.
Speaker 2:This ain't negative top shelf. If anything's going to get you, why?
Speaker 3:ruin my life with exercise.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying If anything is going to get you, it's going to be the McDonald's coffees you get Probably.
Speaker 2:All those free water down, fucking ice lattes.
Speaker 3:No, I just call standard coffee. It's just cold coffee.
Speaker 1:No, you told us about With a little McDonald think specially generated sugar I think a lot of it is just that we've become busy as fathers, working for a household, married situation, with all the things and the family and all the shit you find less opportunities to like do things that are fun, that are increasing your heart rate and shit that like soccer or going out to see friends and doing things and odds and ends, like all the random shit used to run around and do, running from the police and all that kind of stuff, whatever. And uh, yeah, I mean that's just what kind of happens.
Speaker 3:So to take control of it and try to go run to the ymca is probably a good opportunity yeah, I I tried to run to the park that was unfortunately as much as I try to get out of it, my kids fucking love going there yeah, because they probably play basketball and go to the pool. Yeah, I thought that's all. That was going to the pool. Why don't they go to the pool? They can't.
Speaker 1:They thought that's all that was they don't go to the pool. Why don't they go to the pool?
Speaker 2:Because they have a pool. Tony didn't teach them how to swim, yet they have a pool.
Speaker 1:That's why that's the fucking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, fucking spoiled, fucking brats yeah.
Speaker 3:When I was a kid that was and fucking just goes on the cardio machines the whole time. We're there. He'll just be up there fucking on an elliptical like Dad. Look at me, go fucking 200 miles an hour indefinitely Interesting.
Speaker 1:He should go play ball so he's that's awesome, why that's not?
Speaker 3:He's like Dad, let's go on these exercise bikes and see, you can get to two miles faster, you should get in cross country running tony is tony says right away you win.
Speaker 2:No dude, I don't let my kid win at shit. I would love to see you try to keep up with your kid in an elliptical dude I, that's another good Do you let your kids win.
Speaker 3:I almost fucking died on an exercise bike, beating his ass in a race.
Speaker 2:What does Will Smith say? I'm either going to die on a treadmill or you're not going to beat me, or I'm going to fucking die. Exactly what you just said. I'm going to die or you're going to be no, you're not going to be me, or I'm going to fucking die on a trip. Like exactly what you just said.
Speaker 3:I'm going to die or you're going to be. I'm not. I'm not even playing with this fucking kid. I cannot show weakness to my child. He will never fucking respect me. If your kid ever beats you in anything, you're fucked that kid. That kid doesn't give a fuck.
Speaker 1:You don't want to let that happen, nope.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know what A kid is fucking Gumby? They bounce back. No man, your kid beats you in something you got a broken arm.
Speaker 3:If your kid beats you in something, especially physically against his father, he's going to treat you like Donald Trump, treatsie o'donnell, the rest of your fucking life well, listen, uh, he's gonna be like you're a pig, you know you're a pig, everybody knows you're a pig.
Speaker 2:It's great that everybody thinks right now that and it's exciting thing to say that you're you're fat yeah, by the time we meet next, guys, there's going to be a new president elect.
Speaker 1:Who is it going to be? Well, I imagine that it's been already determined, so I'm not going to say who I think is going to actually why not Just say it I don't know, because I don't, I don't think, I don't know who's going to win.
Speaker 2:I kind of like Donald.
Speaker 3:Trump is definitely gonna fucking win. Really I hope so. Yeah, so you want to watch the funniest fucking video? It's such a fucking joke the whole thing.
Speaker 1:But that's gonna happen in our country and it's gonna be a fucking shit show, no matter who wins, because no one seems to be trusting of the system.
Speaker 3:I think on either side of the fucking all right when we get off air, so we don't get taken down off of fucking you. Are you voting for?
Speaker 1:what are they gonna somehow erase the micro sd that's in this box?
Speaker 3:none of this is ever gonna hit I'm telling you, just google key and peel election skit or election basketball. I'm sure spell that.
Speaker 2:It's the funniest fucking video you will ever watch and peel key, key and peel and peel funny how you spell key k like a key, e, y um okay, like a key, yeah, and peel like a like peel. I think it's.
Speaker 3:P-E-E-L-E. Pele, pele, I think it's just peel.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:All right, I'll do that, but it is so fucking funny.
Speaker 2:So to end this episode, you know, Chris, go ahead being 40 is stupid, but also my being 20 was stupid.
Speaker 3:I was still fat and out of shape. You know I've always been broad-shouldered and strong as fuck. But you know, if you ask me to race around the block, you're winning for sure. But if you ask me to lift something heavy, I'm going to fuck you up.
Speaker 2:But it can't be just about your weight. It's got to be more than that.
Speaker 3:No, dude. Your body just starts rapidly deteriorating. Than that, no, dude. Your body just starts rapidly deteriorating. You're start losing muscle mass, you start feeling fucking flabby yeah, we are all slowly dying and you know what? There's some people out there that fucking do something about it. They actually take their health seriously and they look fucking great and they live the same amount of time as I do, so now, how would you feel better if you did that?
Speaker 3:why, though, I would have wasted all that fucking time in my life? We're just gonna. We're gonna live to the same fucking age predetermined it's pretty well all right.
Speaker 1:Whenever it's predetermined dude, you try to take care of yourself and then you run into a fucking brick wall and run or get ran over by a bus.
Speaker 3:Bus, kelsey. Don't be mad, because my wife still loves me when.
Speaker 2:I'm fat. Wait, you started out fat. I thought yeah, so there's no difference Exactly.
Speaker 3:You could see my personality from across the room she already knows, 40 is just.
Speaker 1:I'm distinguished in 40. I look fantastic. Like you should have a mustache, chris. I think I've had a mustache once.
Speaker 2:I can't really go for a second, Do the curly mustache yeah like a curly one. I think you look like a curly mustache guy and then start riding a schwin, here A schwin. Like a bike. Bike, yeah, like one of those new ones that actually don't pedal for you, or like they're actually motorized you don't have to pedal the electric mopeds there's, only use road bikes you notice every kid that, like nowadays, my kid doesn't want a license, he just wants a bike that you don't have to pedal like an electric bike.
Speaker 3:That goes for you my son moped in the last month, has discovered riding a bike what do you mean? Though he's always had a bike, he's never really like been into it that much. Probably got a girlfriend okay yeah, yeah at the campground. He was mad because all his little friends had scooters and he didn't have a scooter and I'm like why don't you take your fucking bike? That's been sitting there for three years and he took his bike and he came back and he's like that was really fun and now and now he is inseparable from his bicycle.
Speaker 2:Because he knows that he can get from A to B ten times faster than just jogging or walking. It's not fucking jogging? I don't think Is he jogging.
Speaker 3:He asked for a second bike for Christmas. I spend so much time on bikes.
Speaker 1:I got so many bikes stolen.
Speaker 3:I'm like. I had been through like nine bikes by the time I was your age.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude.
Speaker 3:It's ridiculous, lazy ass kids. So anyway, being 40 sucks, yep, do it again, though Close this up, chris.
Speaker 1:Shut the fucking thing down, jay, shut it down. This has been another Top Shelf episode, another episode of. Top Shelf Stories.
Speaker 2:I would like to say that if I was a virgin and I was 40, my life would have been way different than it is now.
Speaker 1:There you go, we'll be right back.
