Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Managing Jealousy and Finding Balance in Marriage
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This episode explores the intriguing relationship between adult literature and personal dynamics within marriage. Through humorous anecdotes and engaging discussions, the hosts navigate themes of intimacy, balance, and communication, reminding us of the underlying emotions that can surface in everyday life.
• Understanding the significance of personal space in relationships
• Explore how adult literature affects emotional dynamics
• The importance of balance in shared household responsibilities
• Insights into navigating unconventional reading habits
• Humor and real-life reflections on marriage and reading
• The debate on preferences: reading vs. watching narratives
• Engaging children in conversation about adult themes
Balancing Attention in a Relationship
Speaker 1Top Shelf Stories with J Chris and Tony All right.
Speaker 2So what was I saying about porno books? I was trying to yeah, we got to get to the, so your wife's reading.
Speaker 1we got to get to the point of the story, though.
Speaker 2Got to get to the what. The actual point of the story, though. Got to get to the what? The actual point of the story. Well, the point of the story is I understand when she yells at like what I just described a couple minutes ago, like her getting mad about me being on the phone, and then I look at her and she's getting all more excited about reading a book than actually, you know, paying attention to me. So, like I feel like a little girl, I feel like a wife being mad at a husband for not paying attention to me.
Speaker 1That's why you need to crochet you guys hear crochet and shit.
Speaker 2What the fuck's with the crochet?
Speaker 3you don't even know how to crochet. You're talking about fucking.
Speaker 1I'm just saying I feel like these are weird emotions for you to have.
Speaker 2They are, but I'm looking at a different angle. I'm looking, I'm putting myself in my wife's shoes.
Speaker 3It sounds like for the first time in your adult life you've been getting consistent sex.
Speaker 1So I just, I don't see, I just don't see the downfall yeah, I think you let her read and get get the end of the night, actually when her eyes are tired I mean with her eyes, unless you're gonna get all these fucking bitch emotions about her pretending you're somebody else.
Speaker 2I would say bitch, do you call?
Speaker 1me a bitch here's. Here's what I would say jay bitch. Here's what I would say. Jay, yeah, what? On friday, instead of sitting home watching your wife read, come to a concert with me. That'll happen. So my wife also Trust me. I would fucking love to.
Speaker 2Can you sneak me out a window?
Speaker 1My wife is also very often very Just buy her new books.
Speaker 3She won't even know you're gone.
Speaker 1My wife is often very busy doing other things. This looks really good. They don't involve me, so she's doing other things that don't involve me. She's doing other things that aren't of my? Yeah, but when she's in the?
Speaker 2fucking house reading a book. She knows you're there or not.
Speaker 1She's doing the things in the house. She's on her computer listening to a podcast or doing whatever she's not gone.
Speaker 1Then I just decided in my brain that some nights, rather than be there also, I'll go do what I want to do. I don't want to sit at home read a book. I don't want to go sit at home listen to a podcast or work on the computer, I want to go to a concert. So you should choose one night. Hey hon, I noticed you've been really into this book. Buy her like have Uber Eats delivered for her the food's there, say hey hon, I'm gonna meet up with Chris. I got dinner on the way. I bought you a new porno book. I got the oldest kid watching the youngest ones. Tonight I'll be home around.
Speaker 1I'll be home around one o'clock.
Speaker 2What happened, but that's the solution dude. If you're like, if you're tired of her doing something else. I read the back of the book it seems amazing.
Speaker 1Yeah, exactly, you have to make yourself unavailable. And then it's like oh wait, when Jay's here, I won't read, because other nights he's gone and I can read. And then it became like automatic creates this balance where when you're there, it's more apt that she will be like ooh, jay's here.
Speaker 2I won't read tonight. I don't know how to play mind games like you do, Chris.
Speaker 1It's not a mind game. It's not a mind game. It's just you choosing to do what you want.
Speaker 2It's just being an adult and I don't know how to.
Speaker 1You got to create voids. It's like magnets dude. You got to create a void for it to be filled and so, like a flow of water, if you're there already, the water is going to continue flowing along its path. But if you remove yourself all of a sudden, the water wants to come into your lane and then you come back into that lane and then you work symbiotically and then you have additional lanes that again will go side to side I think the additional lanes he's talking about is more porno yeah, I mean, if it's gonna happen, you gotta let it happen.
Speaker 2I like it when I did like I said, when I read that one paragraph I don't remember it, so I gave the best. I bet steaming schlong schlong dick the best interpretation I could, but I remember her saying to her this is pretty fucking graphic and she's like chapter 4 no way dude.
Speaker 1Her saying to her this is pretty fucking graphic, and she's like you haven't seen chapter four.
Speaker 2And another funny thing is my son goes so she'll leave her fucking. Uh, oh no, he's finding her kindle like just laying on the couch or something. I tell, hey, pick that up and start reading it to see what, what, what does it say? He'll start reading it and he'll say the same shit. Like you know, I don't fucking remember the exact words, but there's a penis and a vagina in there somewhere.
Speaker 3He passionately rips the tampon, string out with his teeth. I think Tony can write these.
Speaker 2Yes, tony, that is probably what it's written. I didn't get that far into the book, but gross.
Speaker 3He takes his painted schlong and pulls it in and out rapidly. It's painted.
Speaker 2Why is it painted? Because of this.
Speaker 1Because he ripped the tampon. Yeah, get it. You got to add it out. You asked the question. You didn't want the answer to son. That's disgusting. You got to learn what answers the question can answer but on the page it's hot as fuck.
Speaker 3It's hot as fuck on the page who paints with blood. You know, because they'll read that and they'll be like why doesn't he do that?
Speaker 1Yeah, you should do that too. If it's happening in the book, it's happening everywhere. Yeah, I'd use a fucking glove and a fucking pair of pliers to get the thing out what you need to do is write your own book and replace it with one that she thinks is a good let's.
Speaker 3Let's write a uh, top shelf stories presents book yep what's it about Clive and his adventures in Spain?
Speaker 1That's all. That's the back.
Speaker 2Okay, so do you guys' wives, read books? No, really, I think, your wife being a teacher, she would be somewhat apt to my wife won't even read my texts.
Speaker 1She's a researcher and a learner and she'll get out and do new things. But reading a smut book not it no. I'm not saying she's not reading it much. I'm saying reading in general she has gone into phases of reading and had artists or whatever authors that she's liked and read a few of the books in a row, mostly like thriller, crime stuff that she's into. She'll read them. She's, she has okay, that's different.
Speaker 2My wife won't read those, she'll watch those.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, so your wife's learning how to kill you and jay's wife's learning how to fuck her.
Speaker 1Oh, I often. I will often come home from work and my wife will have dinner made and I'll say which plate is mine and she'll tell me. And then I'll say I'll ask her which plate is mine, and she'll tell me. And so then I will grab the other one I'm not sure, but she's been cooking she's been too nice for about a year and a half, maybe two years.
Speaker 2My wife tells me my wife, when she makes a meal, she's like you choose what plate you want. So I got a 50-50% chance of dying.
Speaker 1Well, no, if she's letting you choose, then she's pretty confident.
Speaker 3One of us are dying tonight.
Speaker 2Well, she's not going to eat the one that she knows is fucked up. So that was my story About Wives and Reading books and having a fun time. Chris, can you end the show? Clear the show out please.
Speaker 1Sometimes stories are found In a book, and today's Jay's schlong dong Penis Was found In a book. And today's Jay's schlong dong penis elong was found in a book, and that book is stored on the top shelf.
Speaker 2Oh, I like that.
Speaker 1You're so good at this. This is another top shelf story.
Speaker 2Beautiful. Just end it there. Don't even say another word, you sexy bitch.
