Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Short Kids, Big Problems
Jay shares his concerns about his 12-year-old son being bullied at school, prompting a candid discussion about generational approaches to handling bullies and what parents can do when their children are targeted.
• The hosts share personal experiences with bullying from their childhoods
• Discussion of different strategies to counter bullies, including the "Eight Mile" approach of owning insults
• Debate about whether each generation gets progressively "softer" than the last
• Tony shares a story about being hit by a friend's father and his grandfather's reaction
• The group explores how physical discipline has evolved across generations
• Jay details his son's situation and the steps he's taken to address the bullying so far
• The hosts weigh whether teaching a child to fight back is effective or potentially harmful
• Consideration of whether "killing with kindness" works or just makes a target appear weaker
• Acknowledgment that today's bullying extends beyond school through social media and technology
• The consensus that at some point, standing up to bullies may be necessary, even if uncomfortable
"Beat the shit out of your bully." - A controversial but heartfelt closing thought from Tony as the hosts wrap up their discussion of this challenging parenting situation.
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:Sippy, sippy, a dippy.
Speaker 1:I really like our intro, guys oh.
Speaker 2:I'm in love with it. I listen to it every time before I go to sleep at night, Just so I get Actually before.
Speaker 1:I have sex. I listen to it usually. Oh, it gets you in the mood. Yeah, and after.
Speaker 3:I listen to it during it's still playing. It the mood, yeah. And after I listen to it during it's still playing.
Speaker 1:It's still playing when I'm done and the intro is just long enough for you to finish up and clean up.
Speaker 2:We're not even talking by the time I'm done, this song is in like a three minute repeat. So when that three minutes hits, it returns to Chris's voice saying welcome. Hits, it returns to Chris's voice saying welcome, oh, it does On loop. Yeah, and that fact you're jizzing when Chris is talking about, like you just oh, I'm already napping by the time he comes back up.
Speaker 3:My wife's already knee deep and making me a sandwich.
Speaker 2:I'll never forget that Knee deep. I'll never forget, I'll never forget that. I'll never forget. I'll never forget you guys talking. We were talking about sex in one of the podcasts. Chris is like I forget what happened. But Tony said, after I have sex, I got you know. And then Chris is like what you go downstairs and make a snack.
Speaker 1:Man's got to eat.
Speaker 3:She usually gets it for me all right, so I get.
Speaker 2:I gathered you guys here tonight to talk about bullying, bullying bully.
Speaker 3:This sounds serious, jay so my 12 year old. He got bullied pretty fucking hard when he was a first grader.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you about that one when, when I'm done with when you're done, so I I definitely got bullied to a fucking t when I was still do. Yeah, I've been bullying you for over an hour today already every podcast you listen to on our show, I am the one that is being bullied, maybe because I'm short, maybe because I don't say the right shit, but yeah, I'm always being bullied. I think it's the right shit.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I'm always being bullied. I think it's the protective glass. We keep you in back there in the tech studio.
Speaker 3:I can tell you it has nothing to do with your height, because when I look at you we're the same size that's because you're on a couch now and I'm on a well high chair fuck you um no, I bully you because you're my friend, no, and I don't.
Speaker 2:I love it because you know what it makes for a good show.
Speaker 3:I would never treat a stranger the way I treat you let's go, amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2:I don't know. If that's, I'm fine I just I just listened to this uh fucking thing, I don't know. It just came on my feed on Facebook About bullying, yeah, and the guy's like how do you deter, deter, is that the word? Deter, deter, thank you A bully. And his insight was to tell the bully. To tell the bully that, yes, everything that he says about me is true and I'm happy for it. But okay, now if a kid's fucking rapping at you and just pounded?
Speaker 3:into you well that's.
Speaker 2:Can you really just go?
Speaker 3:oh yeah, awesome, it feels great what you're saying well, if you remember the cult classic movie eight mile yeah, that's how he wins that's how he wins the rap battle he's like, yeah, I'm white. Yeah, I live in a trailer, so he's like here's something about you. They don't know I don't.
Speaker 1:I put that scene in the movie into my playlist from the last weekend, but never mind, sorry I don't remember that part, but basically with the guys rapping at him talking shit, and then he raps back yeah, he's like yeah, I'm white, yeah, my mom does drugs. Like he just rips it all out. Okay, yeah, he agrees with everything.
Speaker 3:He says, so everyone, and then he talks about hey, this is clarence and clarence.
Speaker 2:Parents have a real good marriage so everyone that's been bullied should watch eight mile, but just the end just a rap battle battle Kind of it's on YouTube.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I put it in a playlist. I made a beautiful playlist.
Speaker 2:So I Great Trump accent. He said the same shit. I didn't even notice it. It was a wonderful playlist.
Speaker 3:Possibly the best playlist.
Speaker 1:Some might say and he looks around at the others you said it over here. Some might say it's the best players. Some might say and he looks around at the others.
Speaker 2:You said it.
Speaker 1:You said it over here. Yeah, some might say it's the greatest playlist.
Speaker 3:I don't know, I talked to my friend Dan. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Great guy, maybe the greatest ever. Well, he says to his I talked to my friend Dan Great guy Probably one of the best guys. Stop talking about my playlist. What he does say, a lot too, is never seen before. Yeah, like never seen before. Built like never before, never before anyway. Whatever, who cares about the? President, bullying, you're bullying our president now, oh yeah, that's true, we are holy shit, which is crazy because all I hear about is that our president is the biggest bully of all time.
Speaker 3:But he's the most bullied.
Speaker 1:That's, I think, where we're getting. Oh my god, how can you be?
Speaker 2:a bully, being bullied. That's what makes you a bully, right?
Speaker 3:That's multi-level marketing in a bully game. It's a pyramid scheme of bullies.
Speaker 1:The more you bully him, the more bully comes back to you. Man, I gotta recruit three new bullies.
Speaker 3:Move up back to you, man, I gotta recruit three new bullies Move up.
Speaker 1:You get their bullying forever. Like you might stop, You'll still get bullying from them.
Speaker 2:It reciprocates throughout the years. It just rolls back to you. Yeah, so I was bullied like crazy. When I was a kid, we talked what?
Speaker 1:did this facebook thing. Say though hold on okay, so just reminded you. That's what made you think it was a video.
Speaker 2:It was a video of a dude and I don't know exactly what it was, but he, I think he was talking to a uh like a high school and he was in an auditorium. Uh, he had one of the schools, the students come up and he was like give me your best bully. And then he would first off negative, take it negative and fight back the bully, making the bully stronger. And then the second part, he'd be like, okay, now watch, I can get this bully to stop bullying me. And she was. And he told her I bet you I can get this bully to stop bullying me. And she was. And he told her I bet you, I can get you to stop, even though you're acting, stop bullying me.
Speaker 2:And then he did everything he could to to to negate her bully. And then she just at the end, just kind of like got sick of bullying her and it worked. It was kind of it was stupid, but at the same time I Bowling and it worked. It was stupid, but at the same time I feel like it wouldn't work. Anyway, I was bullied like crazy when I was in school for being a Jehovah's Witness, for being short, for a lot of things.
Speaker 3:Those are actually good reasons.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I know, but I was still bullied like crazy. So that's not what I'm talking about and that's not why I bring it up. I bring it up because now my kid, my middle kid, lyric, is getting bullied really bad that he doesn't even want to go to school. Oh man, he's trying to pretend like he's sick. Um, he he'll go to the nurse's office during school I don't know if he's faking Maybe he isn't Fake dry, heaving like he's sick just to get out of school and there's a couple kids that are just relentlessly fucking with him. I mean, he is the shortest kid in the school. I know, I understand so with you, tony, but this is different. This is a different age. Nowadays, you can't get away from it. Back, when you were young, school was done, you went home, you didn't have a fucking phone, you didn't have Facebook, you didn't have fucking Instagram, you didn't have these things that could just keep attacking you away from school.
Speaker 1:Being a kid right now has to be pretty, I mean.
Speaker 3:it constantly gets more difficult being a human's, difficult like an adult so I mean when I was in high school and, like I said, much like you tell us how.
Speaker 2:You don't see color, I don't see height, but we you don't see height every single episode we've ever put out. You've said something about my height, but you just said something about me sitting in a booster chair.
Speaker 1:It was a high chair, but yeah, he's right, he's right.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Chris. Well, I don't see it. I'm just told that you're short. You're fucking bullshit. And I'm told that you're short by you. You remind me I wasn't going to say anything about a high chair.
Speaker 2:But you're like how do I remind you?
Speaker 3:I got bullied because I was short and I'm like, oh yeah, that's right, this motherfucker's short. But so I remember there being short kids in like middle school and high school, yeah, and those were the kids that were so fucking tough that you didn't dare fuck with them. They would fuck you up. Is this because our generations are getting progressively softer? Maybe.
Speaker 2:Because I am the same way. I had to fucking fight back. I uppercutted a fucking guy. That was okay guy. A kid that was two feet taller than me, I uppercutted a grown man when I was in middle school fuck that teacher. No, I thought you're gonna say up a gun. I uppercutted a upper cutted a grown man when I was a grown man because I couldn't reach his. I'm sure you did that also. No, I had to fight, like physically fight, to defend my sanctity as being, uh, not a bitch.
Speaker 3:But he's he's, uh, he's so. So that's that's what I'm saying. Like I don't know lyric, I'm not like friends with him or anything, but I Like I don't know Lyric, I'm not like friends with him or anything, but I've met him Hold on. I wouldn't know. I've met him a couple times.
Speaker 2:Oh hey, dad, you know I just had a conversation with Tony Like what yeah?
Speaker 3:we were Snapchatting each other. No, but I've met him a couple times in the last five years.
Speaker 2:No, but I've met him a couple times in the last five years. Yeah, we just went to the Milwaukee. What the fuck am I trying to say? The Bucks game? Yeah, the Bucks game.
Speaker 3:He's a sweet kid.
Speaker 2:Lyric is a super fucking nice kid, I know but he's emotional, super emotional, and this is what my brother tells me because he's left-handed. Left-handed people use the other side of the brain, which is more emotions. Basically, you're a guy, but you get on the girl's side of reality but you get periods.
Speaker 3:No, I don't know if there's science behind left-handedness. My brother says left-handed, people.
Speaker 1:Well, he's gotta be right and says he's gotta be right. Yeah, that's a good source. I'm with you I guess.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't know, that's all I know is dan lefty.
Speaker 1:Oh, of course, yeah yeah, that's why he's well.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just that's why he's yes. That's of course why he's saying it. He probably, fucking like, looks it up on the internet and finds out what. Hey? What is wrong with me being left-handed? Why am I?
Speaker 3:the way I am oh.
Speaker 2:I'm lefty, you know you don't live as long. I mean left-handed people. There's a lot of there's hardships.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like scissors, they're really difficult when you've got to use your left. That like scissors, they're really difficult when you gotta use your left.
Speaker 2:That makes me laugh. Every time he needed me to cut something, every time he needed something precisely cut with scissors, he always gave it to me. That's what makes me laugh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I don't know my kid's lefty and I just taught her to cut with her right hand with scissors. Maybe she's unprotection call with her right hand with scissors. Maybe she's, maybe she's a protectionist. I love you. I love you, but not enough to get special scissors. You can't live life getting special shit your whole life.
Speaker 3:Adapt that. That reminds me of the simpsons. Ned flanders was a known lefty. Everybody knew that because he owned a business in the mall called the Leftorium. Yeah, I remember the Leftorium. Yeah, yeah, turns out it wasn't real. I just kept trying to order shit online and never send it.
Speaker 3:But I think, I don't know, this might just be me generalizing or, uh, not being involved in every group of people growing up, but I feel like the generation is is way, way softer as people. But yeah, I agree, some of the kids are still assholes, like that's a yeah I think passed down from generation to generation.
Speaker 1:I think every generation humans become weaker and weaker and more bitch-made. So wait okay, because our lives are too fucking easy on the outside. And then, when shit hard comes, all of a sudden it's like how do I fucking handle this? And no one can fucking handle shit. And when it was back in the day it was like I got two nickels to rub together. Life is good. And now it's like I got 100 bucks in my pocket how am I gonna live? Like when I was I mean that's a good.
Speaker 2:I know the exact reason. I know the exact reason. Back in the day, our day, we had nothing to take our mind off of it, so we had to think about it and figure out ways to navigate the negatives yeah, but your dad thought you were a bitch because you had fucking nintendo and cable tv and color and fucking cars and nowadays kids you say cars, knives.
Speaker 2:Nowadays kids they they forget about shit because all they do is watch other people online on TikTok, on fucking you know all the little small things. And they never had the chance to just take the time to think about what they can do better to fucking you know.
Speaker 3:Well, they have no life experience. They're watching somebody else's life experience. Yeah, watching somebody else's life experience. Yeah, you know when?
Speaker 1:when my 12 year old was, I don't know like seven uh, he would watch other families play on the internet and uh, all kids do. My kid did it and I'd be like what the fuck, bro, I'm right here, like watching kids play dollhouse instead of playing dollhouse with dad is what I had to, you know so. And then I had to imitate what those kids did.
Speaker 3:I had to like, talk, like, like they did, so yeah, just to get your daughter to acknowledge you as a human being, because I had to act like the fucking tv or the ipad you had to cut a fucking perfect rectangle inside of a cardboard box and hold it over your head for her to acknowledge you getting poked in the fucking eye and it was all afternoon just an extension cord hanging out of it, plugged into the wall. She swipes sideways.
Speaker 3:Chris changes his face changes the fucking video she's all fucking pissed because she can't make Chris go away. No, so, so here's, here's a question, uh, and I'm not talking about beating your ass or anything, but did Scott or Pat hit you guys?
Speaker 1:I don't think so. No, I don't think so. I had some shit, but I don't think it was physical. Okay, I think there was like not fist, for sure not no, not fist, I'm not saying, but I got spanked and things like that and grabbed by the arm and tossed into the bedroom, kind of thing, and like that, kind of like they're yeah tempers ran and it wasn't off limits, I think, is what you're getting at is where, and now it is I'm not talking about like when you were a teenager and you had a girl over and scott came down with a
Speaker 3:stick out to scare her out of the room uh like you ever get grabbed and thrown against the wall or slapped or anything like that sure, and you know my dad spanked.
Speaker 2:He would spank the shit out of us and that's a normal thing, I think, okay do you do that to your own kids?
Speaker 3:no, I wouldn't touch, okay. No, how do you think scott or pat's parents treated them?
Speaker 1:oh, so you're talking about like this scale more physical level discipline so you're saying we're everything.
Speaker 2:Every generation is scaling down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I mean for the generation after this generation it's your dad's responsibility to teach you how to take a punch well, that's what they always say, like no, but for real, I think what you're getting at is a common thread. Like people are, like your parents always say this your generation is so fucked up and weak. It's like bitch, you fucking bred us.
Speaker 3:You're the one who did it.
Speaker 1:You did it like what do you mean? We are this, we're the result of our parents. And then we continue to like yeah, there's a line here.
Speaker 2:We're talking and my mom. Of course, my mom always talks about shit that I do. That's negative and I'm like you know what? Who the fuck did I learn it from? Or where right my the genes I got are from you yeah, not from a fucking, unless you're not telling me the truth, and I was fucking changed at birth. You're my mom, I got it from you. Why are you fucking diss or talking shit?
Speaker 3:about it right, and I'm not saying that this is a right or wrong method of thinking.
Speaker 1:I think life in general is easier.
Speaker 3:I don't treat my child that way either. Right? If you took my kid in a room and told him you can be completely honest, he would say my dad's a pussy. He doesn't even hit me. No way. But just think about this. No way. But. But just think about this when you were getting your ass whooped by a fucking grown, grown-up adult man. It scares you. We're just gonna say you're 10 years old. You talk some random shit to your mom. Your dad doesn't play people talking shit to his lady. Yeah, he grabs you by your fucking throat, slaps you across your face, throws you into a wall. You go into your room and the next day you go.
Speaker 3:That never happened in my life, but yeah go on the next day you go to school after your dad beat your ass the night before and some kid makes fun of your shoes are you gonna be afraid of a fucking other 10 year old child, right?
Speaker 1:no, I get it but then were those 10 year old charles were children then more camaraderie because they knew as soon as they went home they were getting bullied there, so they didn't do it at school like I didn't grow up with a dad so I had to deal with mom trying to fucking hit me when I was a kid and like dodging it, or pushing her back, or like I thought it was a joke, but it wasn't.
Speaker 3:But there was a couple times in my life. One time my, my grandfather, grabbed me by my ear because I didn't get out of his couch fast enough, or his little recliner and threw me across the room that that's that's way, that the extent of that is.
Speaker 2:It's ridiculous, because you didn't get out of the recliner. There has to be more of that. Oh yeah, no, you would you say fuck off.
Speaker 1:No, my recliner no like what did you say? Grandpa was just pissed and needed to bully someone.
Speaker 3:That's all that is no, the thing is, is you know, three or two generations for me, three generations for my kid? Three generations ago they didn't fucking play games.
Speaker 1:No, you were kids. Offsprings to two, three generations ago were created to work on the farm, to work in the thing, to do the thing like it was not. You were a part of the fucking job.
Speaker 3:Now you're not so when I was like when I was probably like 13 years old, 12 years old, something like that, my friend's dad slapped the shit out of me. What, yeah, you don't disrespect a fucking grown-up man? Okay, it doesn't matter if he's related or not listen, you did that shit today.
Speaker 2:That dude's going to jail, oh for sure.
Speaker 3:But and getting raped by but that's what I was by my I. My grandfather was the one watching me, my mom was at work at the time and I went home and I had a fucking black eye, oh my god and uh, what the fuck did your mom do?
Speaker 3:uh you know I I told my grandpa my grandpa, who was worked in a factory all his life, was a semi-professional golf uh, boxer, I mean, not golfer uh he was. He was in the war in germany, like he's a real fucking man. And at the time my friend's dad and I mean I looked at him at the time like he was 100 years old, but he's probably 37, right you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I do remember that, yeah I I mean now that I'm thinking about it. That's sad he. He might have been like 31 years old that's.
Speaker 2:That's sad that you think about like someone that's like 70. You're like oh, I think that looks pretty fucking good, but when you're like six, it looks like he's almost about to die yeah for real, it's not like like thinking about it right now.
Speaker 3:I'm like, okay, we were like 12, he was like early 20s when he had my friend Jason. So that dude was like in his early like I'm 10 years older than he was, yep At that point. But my grandpa was like 70 and my grandpa got out of his fucking chair, which was a big deal Like getting out of the chair. He's getting, he's retired at this point, like he's worked in the fucking foundry his whole life you must have been talking smack dude you don't have a dad, I did, you said something to him I I can tell you he's sitting in his chair.
Speaker 3:Tell you exactly. So the dad was, was a real like. He was funny as fuck and he was really sarcastic and we would talk shit to each other as a joke, like playing around right and he wasn't having it and, uh, his big thing. He would always call you a fairy.
Speaker 2:I remember that everyone used to call
Speaker 3:you a little fairy, you know yeah and uh and I remember vividly saying I'd rather be a fairy than a piece of white trash.
Speaker 1:Oh god, and that'll do it, I fucking caught them hands right. I don't think it was the chair dude, it was the trash talk, yeah tony just makes it so blood so easily like no offensive to him.
Speaker 3:That was my friend's dad. I I call him a piece of white trash my grandpa and he put them hands on me and I went home and I I told my grandpa, my grandpa gets out of his chair and my grandpa starts walking up the block to go fuck this guy up. And he's a 70 year old man, he's a retired man at this time. Uh, up until the day he died. I don't know that I would. I I've ever had what it took to beat him in a fight like my grandpa would have beat my ass until he got fucking put in the hospital
Speaker 1:12 get this iv out of me what'd you say, tony?
Speaker 3:but this? This kid lived about seven houses up the way and I'm walking with my grandpa to go watch my grandpa beat the fuck out of this old man who I'm just realizing was like 31 and uh 10 years younger than you are now and we get about four houses up and my grandpa looks at me and he's like, why did he hit you?
Speaker 3:and I said, well, I called him a piece of white trash. And he looked at me and then looked up at the house and then just turned around and started walking back home and he's like, yeah, you fuck. Like he didn't say shit to me. But right then I realized like oh, I deserve that. And uh, it was never really talked about again. Like seven days later I didn't have a black eye anymore, my grandpa wasn't pissed at me, my friend's dad was back to call me a fairy like it was all. Like the shit never happened. Like yeah, can you imagine that even happening right now?
Speaker 1:Like Jay said, there'd be a fucking neighborhood watch program set in place specifically for this.
Speaker 3:Child protective services would take me from my mother.
Speaker 1:Dude. You know why this would never happen. People don't even let their kids go over to other people's kids' houses anymore, Especially if you're a Jehovah's Witness.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't let us in your house, just your house, just kidding. No, I just I'll fuck with you, but no, like what. What I want, what I was saying in the beginning is my, my kid's spinning is. He's big, he's getting teased at school, not wanting to go to school, and I know I I kind of like had to trick him out of telling me who actually is teasing him, because he's not that. Better not be the fat kid. No, no, why is that? What was it?
Speaker 1:Dude it's always a fact. The retaliation bully.
Speaker 2:No, because he doesn't want to be the guy, the kid that you know tells on someone else. That makes him look like a tattletale, or he's going to feel like that guy's gonna get more pissed at me and he's gonna fuck with me more because I told my parents. So basically I had to fucking jew it out of him. I gave him a little schwindel about like I'm not following.
Speaker 3:Can you please explain?
Speaker 2:shit, I shouldn't have said that word, okay, so I had to get it out of here who cares what. I didn't give him any money, all right. Is that what you're thinking? I just got it out of him who. It was found out that this kid is the uh, the son of of one of my parents' good friends, and I told my mom that, which was a fucking bad fucking idea.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't like she's grandma walking down the street ready to beat dude's ass now.
Speaker 2:It wasn't good. So she's like well, okay. So I told her the first name of the kid and she's like well, okay, so I told her the first name of the kid and she's like is this blank, blank? And I was like I don't know, I just know his first name you already said a racial slur.
Speaker 3:You might as well just say the people's names too.
Speaker 1:We don't need to know names. Well, she's like Children.
Speaker 2:She's like is this, who Is this that person, is this that person? I'm like I don't really know, I just know the first name. Find out if it's that person, now let me know who it is right away. I'm like, okay, mom, chill, just relax. I mean, this is my son, not yours. Just give me a second breathe, I'll let.
Speaker 1:I'll give the details that kid is the only reason she had you.
Speaker 2:It's a grand baby, I'll find it out, I'll let you know my mom's fucking. She's a fighter. She'll fight men if she has to. Uh, so I do find out who it is and I it is the actual person that um is friends with my parents and no, my mom doesn't go over there and fight the mom or the dad. My dad actually calls the parents and tells the dad that your son is fucking with my grandson. He's got to stop. I mean, I don't know the actual details of what he said. Whatever he said, he said it with his hands. Yes, he did.
Speaker 3:On the phone. He said it with his hands. Yes, he did. On the phone, he said it. I can't even hear him because the phone keeps going in the air over and over. Scott, you're cut now. You're cut now, I think you got a bad connection.
Speaker 2:He's like no, I don't, I'm just using my hands to talk. So you have to have a visual Of that, because that was hilarious. That's a little too inside baseball I know, but the visual of that was very funny.
Speaker 1:The three dimers will know, scott used to call in on that show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and every time he talks he's like Because he's talking with his hands. So, uh, my dad called him up and talked to him. Let them, let him know the the lowdown about what the fuck's going on. And he's like this is not acceptable. The dad of the son, I am going to make sure, blah, blah, blah, this and that. So I guess it worked out in his favor, my son's favor. He didn't fuck with him anymore. But then another kid started fucking with him and now I don't know who this kid is. But now my son is like I just, I mean, he's an emotional kid and now you're you have to make the call and now I might have to go to the school and start beating some ass, don't go to the school.
Speaker 2:Oh, I might have to go to the school and start beating some ass, don't go to the school. Oh, I will go to the school.
Speaker 3:You go to their fucking house.
Speaker 2:I'll go to the school. Well, I have to find out who the kid is first. This last name, that's what I'm going to get. I'm going to go in there, find the last name and an address, and then I'm going to go to the house.
Speaker 1:That ain't happening. I don't think you know how schools work. It'll happen. It ain't happening. I can make it happen. It ain't happening. No, but this is how I would like. What is the complainant complaining about? What is your kid whining or not whining? But, like Before, I answer that question.
Speaker 2:Before I answer that question. You're right, this is what I would want to do, but I know that it's not going to do anything if I try, Because he has to do it himself.
Speaker 1:Well because you just explained. It went from one kid, now it's a different fucking kid. Kids are assholes. And if your kid's sensitive, then he's probably taking it seriously, so you have to somehow make it a joke. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think my son isn't really telling me all the extent of everything.
Speaker 1:No, because he doesn't want. Yeah, so he just told me one kid.
Speaker 2:I got it out of him and then, well, okay, so the one kid the the biggest kid I guess he said that was fucking with him was in a spanish class. He sat next to him. We got in contact with the spanish teacher. We told her to change the seats the next day. Change the seats. My son was like, oh, he was happy because the that makes sense, that's good mitigation. He wasn't sitting next to the kid anymore, but he didn't know it was because I talked.
Speaker 1:No, that's good mitigation right there.
Speaker 2:To the Spanish teacher.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, man Like what is it? What is a kid saying that he's there? They're bothering him Because he's shorter, he's smaller.
Speaker 2:Well, they call him midget, they call him smurf, they call him all the small short names that can just irritate someone. When you do it on a very relentless, kind of asinine way, where it's never ending, yeah, and I've experienced that in my life and I know how it is and I know how to deflect it. But sometimes you just can't. Sometimes you just get fucking pissed. You want to do something, you want to fucking hurt that person, but you know you're not supposed to or you know you can't.
Speaker 1:So how do you explain to a what is your kid? Seven, you said, or nine, Twelve, Twelve? How do you explain to a 12-year-old that it doesn't fucking matter?
Speaker 2:That's what I'm trying to figure out. I talked to him every day about it. I talked to him every day about it and I talked to him about. Like you know, the reason why they're doing this is either because they're jealous of you, Just trying to make him feel better about himself.
Speaker 1:But in the end, how's his game with the hottest chick in class? The what like, does he got some game? Can he like become boyfriend of the hottest?
Speaker 2:I mean that would that would help, but I don't think. I think nowadays okay. So girls nowadays are fucking giants so he's too short for that girl dude, they're fucking tall as me like I don't think a girl would date a kid half their size and he's too young for that.
Speaker 1:Anyways, it's a bad idea well, yeah, I mean, he's only 12 you got anything I mean, I mean there's do you want to do like black eye makeup on him and make him look like he just? Yeah, you should see the other guy and just give him that line.
Speaker 2:He gets worried when I cut his hair because he thinks that everyone's going to judge him about something different in his life. That's changed Basically. His haircut Fair enough, like when I cut his hair I was in a weekend and Monday after Monday he came home and he's like everyone made fun of me because my hair looks stupid.
Speaker 2:I, I'm not a bad hairstylist, I'm actually pretty well well known around the new berlin area as one of the cheapest apartments, specifically one of the and more exclusively around your specific apartment number one of the most amazing younger gentlemen that can cut hair for free. Doesn't do it for everyone.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you, when Jay sets up his booth in the parking garage, I don't even have to work there. There's a line around the recycle bins.
Speaker 2:I don't even have to wipe the hair. I take a Milwaukee blower and blow that shit around in the garage and just let it just free.
Speaker 1:Makes sense, let the hair free. No, I agree, getting caught in some guy's hair.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, he has a few options he really does. So the options is is he funny?
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's quiet well, that's not gonna work. Yeah, no, that won't work. He's quiet, he's he's, he's emotional, he's quiet and he's very, very, very, very nice, like you, go. You know.
Speaker 3:You know he's super nice. I'm an adult and kids act a little different around adults. Because you know he's online right now telling, telling his fucking friends on fortnight to suck his dick no, let me add this in uh, in football we had flag football for for a couple seasons.
Speaker 2:Anytime any kid got hurt on the opposing team even if it wasn't his team okay, opposing team he'd be standing over him, don't die on me. We need a medic he would help that kid up or ask him are you okay, like he's a, he's very, very he's a good kid, a very good kid yeah.
Speaker 3:So really, if he's not hilarious, no where he's gonna embarrass the kid, he's funny but he won't do that in front of anybody else either become his bully's friend or beat the shit out of his bully.
Speaker 2:That's what I told him You're going to have to fight him.
Speaker 1:No, I think kill him with kindness is probably the play, not really, or that yes, chris, I think that's right.
Speaker 2:That makes you look weak. It does, it does. Who cares?
Speaker 3:And we're talking about 12-year-old children.
Speaker 1:That like it's true, like you can't get over a fucking, but if he's really kind as it is, maybe he can pick up on what this kid likes and bring him something he fucking likes and that's that simple oh that's, that's too much, oh fuck dudes.
Speaker 3:All right, come to school of flowers for the kid here. Man, you made me really realize that's all right.
Speaker 2:I heard you like chocolates.
Speaker 1:All right, maybe I got picked on because I was too nice. I don't know what to say. Wait, did you get picked on?
Speaker 2:I don't know what do you mean you don't? Know, you know if you got picked on or not.
Speaker 1:I didn't have a ton of friends. I'll tell you that.
Speaker 2:Well, that's not. I don't believe that.
Speaker 3:I still don't they're all, actually all in this room.
Speaker 2:Chris has the most friends I've ever known of any person in my entire life, so you can talk to.
Speaker 1:Tony. Tony could talk to Dan. Dan will tell the story about how I was sitting alone at lunch and he invited me over to meet his friends because he felt bad for me.
Speaker 2:Dude, you are not that type of person. That's when he got into the punk scene for a while.
Speaker 1:That's when I started smoking the reefer. That's when my goddamn knuckles are tattooed. But I also had a friend or a person come up because you were so nice.
Speaker 3:You got hug life tattooed across your knuckles.
Speaker 1:So I because I was probably a nerd or something. But had, uh, a person come over who I wasn't friends with high school in high school, but I had run into since high school and she was like you were an asshole in high school, you know what, chris? So she thought I was an asshole. You know, chris, I thought I was an old friender, so I don't know my cousin tyler always used to like.
Speaker 2:He always used to tell me that you and him were best friends. The fucking chick like you could get any girl you wanted. I did get lucky, you had tons of friends. He always like amp you up as like the fucking like this because he wanted you to hang out with me. He should have told you I was a jehovah no he used to say you should see this guy's witness game he used to say so much stuff about you, like he'll ride up to any house on a bicycle.
Speaker 1:Well, because I've never had any fear of going to talk to people and the best shit.
Speaker 2:Like you were, like the, the man, like he looked up to you I looked up to him still do. He's a good dude but but seriously, though, like he used to say so much shit about like chris man, he had the like this fucking girl. I just saw him with his fucking oh my god. She's like a model. She was like oh my God. And like he's got like 20 people following him around the streets.
Speaker 1:I don't know about all this.
Speaker 2:No, I'm exaggerating now, but you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Like he just amped you up about being the best person but I really didn't have. I don't know if I was bullied, but I didn't have a ton of friends in high school. That I don't know if I was bullied, but I didn't have a ton of friends in high school. That's weird, that I recall.
Speaker 2:Now I feel like I always felt quite awkward. Now I'm looking down on you, chris. Now I'm like hey, you really weren't that guy. Maybe not that my cousin.
Speaker 1:So I don't think there's like a secret formula. You just got. You got to get the kid to not give a flying fuck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is hard because he's fucking 12. And I'm not there. I don't experience it. I really wanted to just go in there and just be like, pretend like I'm a teacher, walk around, just follow him and just beat the shit out of someone that just looks at him wrong. That would be amazing if you could just do stuff like that, if that was legal, which maybe they should make kind of legal, yeah, but then you would have to deal all.
Speaker 3:I'll fight them all. I'll fight them too. You'd also have a rugby bigger than you. I don't care.
Speaker 2:You know how many times I've fought.
Speaker 3:I've never fought anyone smaller than me. I've never fought somebody my size.
Speaker 2:But the funny thing is, I haven't.
Speaker 1:I've never even fought somebody so yeah, tony's never been in a fight, no.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, tony's broken guy's ribs and broken necks. I've never been in a fight, but I broke some ribs. My high school experience was obviously way different from your guys' and really middle school is probably pretty similar, but high school I went to a school in arguably a terrible neighborhood, um, and I was one of very, very few white people at my school and it's funny that everybody always blames whites for being the racist. Yeah, try being one of like seven white kids at a whole high school and see how much fucking fun you have.
Speaker 3:So you had to have been picked on there. I wasn't really picked on specifically, but very few people talked to me at all, were you?
Speaker 2:bigger than everyone there.
Speaker 3:Mainly like the three white kids.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this Everyone size differential. How did you compare to them?
Speaker 3:I, I don't remember and I'm, I'm like I'm not being funny or anything about this, but I, I, honestly I I do not look at people and see a height difference between me and other people.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I was huge or tiny, but listen, I'm also telling you this that the kids really do look at size and they do value that. Out of like almost the most thing you could think of a kid is smaller. They're gonna feel like they can kick your ass because you're smaller, but they don't know who can or cannot fight yeah.
Speaker 3:No clue. So, like I know there was a kid and I was probably about the same, I was probably like 210, 220 pounds in high school Age.
Speaker 2:High school age, I mean like sophomore senior now. From middle school until that's a giant kid I can't trust. I'm not even over 200 fucking pounds. I'm 40.
Speaker 1:This guy can't. This guy can't tell if he's looking at the top of someone's head or someone's chin and we're supposed to expect he knew what weight he was, but so suspect.
Speaker 3:So I went to high school with a kid who went on to the nfl and uh, he was definitely much larger than he was. What's his name?
Speaker 2:michael bennett who'd you play for the?
Speaker 1:rams I. I think he won a super bowl with the rams I think he very well might have been. Seriously, they were in St Louis. I know St Louis Rams, wisconsin guy. So the last thing.
Speaker 3:I remember about him.
Speaker 1:He was like a tackle or something right.
Speaker 3:He went to the NFL right from high school he played on the line or something Offensive tackle, offensive line?
Speaker 2:I couldn't tell you. So was he on offense or defense? I don't know. Why would I know?
Speaker 1:that I'll look it up. You're behind glass. You should be able to type it up.
Speaker 3:I've never been into sports, but I know he was on Minnesota.
Speaker 1:That sounds right.
Speaker 3:He was on Minnesota, you know when they all got busted on that yacht with all the hookers, yeah, you remember that, like fucking 20 years ago ago?
Speaker 2:yeah, it was a long time he was one of them. Oh my, really yeah let's see michael bennett.
Speaker 1:He was. He was a running back, he was a badger. That makes sense, okay so badger.
Speaker 2:So he was offense he was. Was he? Was he full? Was he a fullback or was he? He was selected by the Vikings?
Speaker 1:in 2001 that sounds about right. Played for the Saints Chiefs, Buccaneers, Chargers and. Raiders Holy shit Raiders, so he wasn't on.
Speaker 2:So he wasn't good, so he threw Everyone threw him around.
Speaker 3:He was, he was the best athlete.
Speaker 1:He's 5'10", 211 Went to Milwaukee Tech.
Speaker 2:He was the best athlete that you knew.
Speaker 1:First round pick Dude in the NFL. Wow, really Pick 27.
Speaker 3:Holy fuck. Well, think about it, he got drafted For 10 years man in the NFL. Holy shit, he got drafted in 2001. We graduated in 99.
Speaker 1:He was a pro bowler in 2002.
Speaker 3:I graduated in 2000.
Speaker 1:All Big Ten, 2000. So he was a year older than us.
Speaker 3:Wow so 13 touchdowns in the nfl six receiving 13 running. He actually had. Uh, there were two display cases in tech's entryway that were all only the trophies of state records that he's broke.
Speaker 1:He was, as a senior, the top-ranked football player in the state All-state selecting and track and field.
Speaker 3:He broke every state record in all the different versions of track and field, holy shit. And he was probably 160 pounds in high school, like in his track and field days and shit like that, and so I was substantially fatter than him, but anytime I was near him I thought he was fucking way bigger than me. I'm four inches taller than him.
Speaker 2:What does that even mean how?
Speaker 1:Because he was bigger than you. He was 5'10", 207. Pre-draft. At the draft 5'10", that's me 207. Nfl player caliber.
Speaker 2:That's not that heavy though.
Speaker 3:If it's an NFL player.
Speaker 1:It's all muscle, bro. I thought he was double the size of me.
Speaker 2:That's true, that's true.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, when you got those giant ass fucking muscles popping out of your body, it looked like I remember he laid across the teacher's desk and told her to suck his dick, get the fuck out of here. They were not allowed to fail him, did he?
Speaker 2:really do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I seen it happen with my own eyes. I loved it.
Speaker 1:So we're not going to solve this before the end. Jay, no man, You've got to figure out a way to teach him how to beat somebody's ass.
Speaker 3:No, I mean yeah, he has to be ready for it, because if the kids fuck with him enough and jail, Listen, man, school is like jail.
Speaker 2:They're gonna fight the biggest guy.
Speaker 3:everyone respects you if there's 10 assholes and one's fucking with them and all the other assholes start seeing that it's okay to fuck with him because he ain't gonna do shit. They're gonna keep fucking with him and that's gonna you are right All he has to do is hurt one of them, that's it. I'm going to tell you that news travels a lot faster than he's an easy person to make fun of.
Speaker 2:I agree. What if he tries fighting another kid?
Speaker 3:kid knocks him down, destroys him, then that makes it way, way worse, then he's going to have to wait until a weaker, smaller bully starts fucking with him and then fuck him up. You got to teach him some moves, man. This isn't riding a bicycle. You can't put this off for their whole fucking life. You have to teach him how to fuck somebody up, listen fighting isn't about moves.
Speaker 2:It's about understanding what to do when the shit happens. It's just like you're born with it. You can't train that. Okay, you can train that to a level where you're on the UFC and you're winning millions of dollars, but when it comes to a street fight, you can't train that. You just know it or you don't. So I don't know. Maybe he can fight.
Speaker 3:Well, when you get home tonight, wake him up and really start making fun out of him and tell him come at me, pussy, you little fucking midget smurf ass bitch. You look blue, now Fight me, motherfucker, dad, you been drinking again.
Speaker 2:No, mind your own goddamn, that would be what his answer, or his response would exactly be that top shelf stories every tuesday.
Speaker 3:Thanks for listening and remember tony says beat the shit out of your bully, fuck, yeah, like us on the interwebs or whatever too, that'd be cool.
