Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
From Minivan to Mobile Home: One Man's Reluctant Journey
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Chris reluctantly becomes a camper owner when his wife fulfills her longtime dream of buying a tow-behind camper for $1,000 from Facebook Marketplace. What follows is a hilarious journey into the unexpected realities of RV ownership, from towing nightmares to bathroom etiquette.
• Wife has wanted a camper for years, talking about fixing one up and eventually finding the perfect one
• Purchased a 2002 Keystone Cabana 1901 series for $1,000, within the Dodge Grand Caravan's towing capacity
• Chris faces the challenge of backing the camper out of the seller's driveway with no experience
• The hidden costs quickly add up: brake controllers, sway bars, chains, and water pressure regulators
• Tony shares camper wisdom, including the importance of getting a poop tube with a "clear elbow"
• No special license required despite the dangers of towing such large items
• Chris's wife is simultaneously building a fence with her father, adding to his stress
• Despite complaints, they plan to "live in it" for the weekend to test everything out
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The Unexpected Camper Purchase
Speaker 1Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony. Welcome everybody to Top Shelf Stories Podcast with me. Chris, got Jay over here. Tony, so, guys, howdy, we, we, we. I don't know how to start this one. I don't know which way do I want to go with this, but I'm just going to say it.
Speaker 2I heard.
Speaker 1I'm just going to say it yeah.
Speaker 2You are now about that life.
Speaker 1So yeah, my wife bought a camper, okay, a tow-behind camper. And I say my wife bought it because it was entirely her idea. Okay, it was entirely her idea.
Speaker 2Okay, so is this camper the right size for your Dodge Grand Caravan? It is within size.
Speaker 1Or now do you have to buy a pickup truck? It is within size of the Dodge Caravan, which has a 3,600-pound towing capacity.
Speaker 3Is buying a Caravan considered a midlife crisis.
Speaker 1The trailer, the trailer camper wagon. I think it's something to do with that but not really.
Speaker 3So this thing, it's a fucking caravan. It's a fucking caravan.
Speaker 1So my wife has wanted one of these for like two or three years. She's mentioned it maybe for four or five years how it would be neat to get one of these things and have it there to kind of like tinker on and make pretty and like buy one and then sell it and then buy another one and do it kind of again after you get a little better and sell it and then kind of maybe get one If you find the perfect one that you want to just keep you make that one nice, and then you just got a camper she's good at taking her time and deciding about wanting to buy it, or you were the one that said hey I, I don't want this shit don't driveway, I don't want to do this like it's a great fairy tale idea.
Speaker 1Then, like a couple years ago, the grand caravan got its, got its uh trailer hitch installed, you know. So then we had the trailer hitch installed and we used it to help move her sister. Her dad took it out west and towed her stuff back to mo you know our town. And then a couple more years go by and it was always a joke, like anytime we're on vacation. Good thing we got that hitch, because now we can get the boat or the camper or the food truck or the whatever and we can fix it up and it'll be fun and it's something you talk about in the car, right, you know well, she's still looking now.
Speaker 1Now it's like the heat got on pretty much this summer I'm gonna look for these things pretty heavy. And she's been on the Facebook marketplace. She's been on all the things, seeing them on the sides of the road wanting to stop and look at the things. Pop-ups, tailors tow behinds little campers. You've gone camping a bunch of times. We recently visited Tony at his campground and rented a cabin and we spend the whole time outside like you're camping, but you just got a cabin to sleep in. And then we did a couple years ago, last year we did a yurt. We stayed in the yurt but it had power and air conditioning.
Speaker 3Are you saying yard?
Speaker 1Yurt. It's like a big tent, but it's like there it's a hut kind of thing At a campground, just like Tony's campground, where you got an RV park there and all these fun things to do. And that was a lot of fun and I always liked camping Me too. But now Katie likes camping, so that's cool, right. And then we just recently we just went camping camping in a state park for three days over the 4th of July.
Speaker 3Yogi Bear.
Speaker 1No state park. I don't know what that means. Hartman Creek State Park Okay, and that was a ton of fun. That sounds like a place where people go to bury bodies. So now my dad has this camper. He bought this camper car thing that he's got, you know, the van.
Speaker 3His is way more.
Speaker 1His is an amazing piece of equipment.
Speaker 3Like a level up from yours, though, right so then the intensity started, was all starting.
Speaker 1You know, I want to get this thing she's showing me. I'm like that's a hunk of junk, that's a pile of freaking sheet metal for 4800 what are you nuts? And then it's like you think the fan can hold that. Turn that thing off, go back and do something else. You're fixating. I'm telling her like no, come on, you find something that's like free with delivery. That's a deal, not this 1800 crap you're showing me here like the thing probably doesn't even roll. Well, three nights ago she found, three days ago or four days ago she found this camper on facebook marketplace and the thing was 1500, 2002. Keystone. What is it a keystone? Cabana, the 1901 series. It's small, sounds amazing, it's only 2800 pounds or something. It's got a kitchen. It's got a bath with, or a shower with a bath, with a toilet in it and even a small tub. It sleeps a queen size where the kitchen goes, queen size on one of the front end. What do they call them? Not really a pop out, it's like a hybrid, with the little tent thing that goes out the front.
First-Time Towing Adventures
Speaker 1There's a tent thing that goes out the back with a bunk that sleeps two or one and a half, two kids, one and a half adults. How many square feet, I don't know. Probably like 64. I have no idea.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1It's like 13 feet long, seven feet wide.
Speaker 3I just wanted to hear a small number.
Speaker 1But it sleeps six, eight, even maybe Six and two kids or eight kids or whatever. It's a big camper. Nice little thing right. It's got an air conditioner, thing works, it's got all this. Everything's like really great shape. Guy wants 1500 bucks. She sends me this thing and I'm like god damn it. That looks like pretty good deal for this little hunk of junk. And I was like like I don't know and I laid back on like okay, go back and stop fixating on this thing. Who cares? We don't want this camper.
Speaker 2What are you talking about? You're like Katie stick to making sandwiches.
Speaker 1No, not like that, but like come on, this isn't. We don't want this.
Speaker 2This is going to be expense.
Speaker 1Yeah, the thing and this other thing and this other thing, and I just am doom, like doom scrolling in my brain on this thing. She's like well, he said that the lowest he would go was a thousand and I told him that we'd meet him after work today. So do you think we can go over there at like 630?
Speaker 1You really want to get rid of it. I'm like God damn it, this girl really wants this stinking camper. So I'm like, whatever, we'll go look at it, who cares? Right? But anytime you go, look at, I told her, go to the bank, get the thousand dollars he said it was going to be. If you go a thousand dollars, go get a thousand dollars. Find out what it costs to insure this thing. Find out if it's the toy. You know she does all this research and she's looking up this things, that and the other. I'm looking at the, the advert for showing a guy at work like, look at this crap my wife wants to buy and now it says pending. I'm like, oh no, she did not just go and buy this thing without telling me that she's already made the deal she agreed over the phone. No, the guy said that he put a post in the post, that he was getting so many responses and everyone needs to stop leaving him alone because he's at work and he thinks he's got it sold.
Speaker 1That's why he goes down so he put it on pending. And we showed up and we looked at this thing and man, the guy's like I'm getting a new camper, his wife don't like this thing. It's got a little this over here and this part, and I'm like okay, okay. And I was like stop telling me, bro, you're dealing with her, like I'm here, I'm the husband, it's mine.
Speaker 2Like I don't even know how to hook this thing up to the truck.
Speaker 1I'm not doing this man, I wouldn't know either. So he's like yeah, and then yeah, then yeah, a thousand bucks, man. So I got this camper. It's 18-something feet long or whatever. Seven and a half, seven-something feet wide. It's taller than I can see out the back. Obviously I don't have the right electrical connects, because this is a seven plug. I got a four plug. I don't have what else? A trailer pin for the trailer. He had this fancy one he took, but he gave me this other one, so I just lock it in. I have to twist the chains because it's like leaning, whatever. It's not set up quite right. So then I gotta back it out. So this is like the first test. I'm like if I buy this thing, I have to back it out of here.
Speaker 3That's going to be hard.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I'm like there's like three cars and the tree and these electrical lines. I had to do basically like five or six straight back and forth moves to get away from the wall and then start turning towards my car, towards the wall, turning the thing at least to my right side, my driver's side, so I can see what I'm doing.
Speaker 2This is your life. Now it a little nerve-wracking plus I'm like, okay, I don't even know if I hooked up thing right, laughing at you no, he wasn't.
Speaker 1In fact he's like there's no way. If I was gonna move it, obviously I'd have my neighbor, I'd find out and have him move his car here. I'd have my brother move his other car out of the way and I'd pull it straight out. But if you want to take it now, I'm like yeah, we gave you the money, I'm gonna fucking take the thing I'd be terrified trying to back that shit up oh man if I pulled it up on google maps where I was, you guys would be like there's no way you did that.
Speaker 1And even the guy was like that was pretty amazing man, you did better than I would ever would have done so have you ever had. I used to do a dump truck driver and I used to drive with the trailer on it and that's way more weight and way more length, way more height okay, off the road.
Speaker 3I, I'm a novice, completely and driving stick shift truck yeah, I would you turn one way. That fucking trailer goes the other way, right?
Speaker 1that's how it kind of works, kind of opposite how your brain wants it to work.
Speaker 3So basically, I would be fucked.
Speaker 1Well, I did it about 80 times, or 80% of the time turn the wrong way first. No, when you first this one no like every time I wanted it to go left, I'd turn left. I'm like no right, no, so yeah but you figure it out right.
Speaker 3That terrifies me, and I always wanted to have a trailer for a boat or something and I always figured like For me to do something like that, I feel like my mind would have to work in different ways. It's not normally.
Speaker 1Watching people back things up is my favorite thing to do, oh the boat launch and a beer and a chair is a Saturday man.
Backing Up Nightmares and Driveway Drama
Speaker 3That's a whole Saturday they have a show on YouTube about that and I was just watching that recently and there was a guy that took three hours and I think he was trying, he was testing or figuring out how to do it, but he could not do it like literally.
Speaker 3It seemed so easy seeing it from a perspective of a youtuber yeah but like in my eye or the way I was thinking about, I'm like dude. There's no way I could do it. I feel bad for that guy. I I feel terrible. He's laughing at him, but I feel fucking terrible.
Speaker 1I definitely knew I could do it, but I definitely thought it would be easier for me than it was to do.
Speaker 3Does it matter if it's a boat or if it's what you purchased or does?
Speaker 2it matter, the shorter the trailer the harder it is.
Speaker 1Because it wants to turn.
Speaker 3So I remember when one of our first guide trips we had you left with the boat or you put the boat in the water and you told us to back the shit in to the place and we're like it took us a half hour.
Speaker 1In empty white trailers hard too.
Speaker 3We still didn't do it, so we picked up your fucking thing and carried it.
Speaker 1You moved the back end of the trailer to where you want it yes, because we're like fuck this dude, there's no way we're doing this.
Speaker 2It's so easy to back up a trailer.
Speaker 1So this thing's way too heavy. Obviously it's so easy.
Speaker 3Dude, you weren't there. You're not there, Tony.
Speaker 1So towing recommends that I have a trailer brake installed, of course, and trailer brake controls which it has trailer brakes, electronic trailer brakes but you need a brake controller to control the brakes, when you hit the brakes and how much it's breaking when you know that that new Dodge Ram, she's looking all built in there.
Speaker 3Right, it's already got like sensors that look at the thing, why that's a necessity.
Speaker 1So let's say you're going 80 miles an hour Down the highway and you try to stop your boat or your trailer. It doesn't want to stop, but if you have Brake controls that when you hit the brake it also hits the electronic brakes On the back.
Speaker 3It'll help stop you.
Speaker 1So if you're going, say, down a hill, you can actually Engage the brakes To work harder On the thing you're towing so it doesn't creep up and push you, it's stopping.
Speaker 3I just don't know until. I guess I'd be in that situation.
Speaker 1So, anyways, you don't want to have things. It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 3I hit the brakes, the fucking thing stops.
Speaker 1Well, think about like.
Speaker 3I got 600 pounds of tile on my back. I hit the brakes. It stops.
Speaker 1It's like like yeah, kind of like that, but the tile wants to keep going forward, but anyway. So I don't have this hooked up and I'm going down 92nd street I can't see around it because I don't have mirror clips that are long enough on my dodge grand caravan to see around this thing, so I need those. I don't have any like sway control or anything, which I probably will need for longer trips because this thing is near the vehicle way you should.
Speaker 2You should really have it for any trips what the fuck is sway control?
Speaker 3so any trips for sure for sure explain to me what sway control, control.
Speaker 1So if you're driving down the street and a semi truck drives past you and blows you around in your car, now imagine that there's just this 2600 pound other car tied to the back of yours that's built like a wall it catches all that air and wants to swing around. Wow. Well, this thing goes as like almost a crutch to your towing apparatuses and it's like resistant to turning, so the wind doesn't turn it. But when you turn, turn it it does.
Speaker 3It slides a bar. What if that happens? It's really bad.
Speaker 1A sway, whatever it will turn your car over.
Speaker 3So can you like with professional people that drive these fuckers, can they figure out how to fucking maneuver it?
Speaker 1Normally it just means slowing down and stopping completely and then going again.
Speaker 3That scares the shit out of me.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Did you ever, um, what's something you might have done? Nothing? I even okay, I didn't even pull. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3You look like you look like you used to skateboard, did you?
Speaker 2ever skateboard, okay, for decades. Did you ever ride your skateboard down a hill that was slightly too steep, yeah, and then hit a rock and then you do the death wobble you ever done that.
Speaker 1Where you start wiggling and you can't stop wiggling until you basically crash.
Speaker 3I've had it. Yeah, I've had the wiggle before, but I've always been.
Speaker 2Well, you either got to start slowing down or you got to go off, or you see the youtube videos where people are getting pulled behind a car on their, their skateboard and they start wobbling and they can't wobble.
Speaker 3That's retarded.
Speaker 1Well, if you had another arm that could hold the back of the truck while you were being told you could straighten yourself out. Well, this is like another arm that straightens. That's crazy.
Speaker 3I didn't even knew that was a thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, either did I when my wife bought a camper, because I was asking her on the way there. I'm like so where are we going to put this? She's like I don't know, what do you mean?
Speaker 2I'm like, well, like, for example, right when we go there, I have to move one of my three fire pits.
Speaker 1If we give, we're gonna take it with us. Where are we gonna put it? Oh, in our driveway. I'm like, okay, three weeks from now. Where are we gonna put it? We'll probably be in the driveway. I'm like, all right that. I mean okay, six months from now. Where are we gonna put it? Well, your grandpas are on the patio and I'm like, yeah, see, you didn't think this through. You've been dreaming for three years about an rv and now it's here.
Speaker 3We're not quite ready. I'll tell you what. Just park it in the front lawn. Leave it there.
Speaker 1I didn't know my plug wasn't going to work. I didn't even think about how the RV has a completely different plug because it has all the accessories. You can run off your auxiliary power of your vehicle if you want to, your battery would be dead. I didn't think about how I couldn't see behind the thing while I was driving. I didn't think about how I was becoming to be dusk and I didn't have brake lights or turn signals, and no one could see mine.
Speaker 1I didn't think about all kinds of things. I was bopping up and down 92nd Street. I did stop twice to make sure I still had the fucking thing hooked up, though I'll tell you that the chains were too long, so they're all twisted basically doing nothing if it fell off they would probably snap from being twisted.
Speaker 1I'd be so lost get this thing in in the driveway, park it, and it's now like 8 30 and I'm having a bout of extreme rancid diarrhea, like I sometimes get here after we have dinner, or I have to take a break because I'm starting to sweat it out and need to explode out of my bottom as I'm trying to back this thing into my driveway, where my wife doesn't know how really to signal for people backing up in the driveway and I'm not, I'm not ready to accept that at this moment.
Speaker 1So I'm just yelling at her. Waving your hand and telling me to move back isn't helping. I know I need to move back. Show me how far I have to go.
Speaker 3Well, you're fine on this side. I know I'm looking at you at this side.
Speaker 1I can see it too. How am I doing over there as I stomach is?
Speaker 2gurgling on me.
Hidden Costs of Camper Ownership
Speaker 1You know I'm already pissed that I'm thousand dollars cheaper, knowing I got five thousand dollars with the shit I gotta put into this eventually, leading into what, what Tony alluded to earlier a new fucking truck to haul this piece of shit, which will also turn into selling this piece of shit and getting you a bigger, more expensive piece of shit in three years that you'll need a bigger truck for. Exactly, is it?
Speaker 1easier to drive those fuckers around, and that's after dropping $500 on the trailer brake system where you're like when you sell the car you're like. And that's after dropping $500 on the trailer brake system where you're like when you sell the car you're like well, I guess that's going with it too.
Speaker 3Is that easier?
Speaker 1to drive around After you blow your transmission because you've been running damn near overweight and too high on the tongue, so your suspension's fucked.
Speaker 3Chris is on a rampage. I can't get a fucking bird in.
Speaker 2You know, the funny thing is is you're going to have to start weighing your gear you put into it.
Speaker 1Oh I, your gear you put into it. I'm fully aware, because it's got a 40-gallon tank for fresh water or something. I've got to figure out how much that weighs. Then you've got to realize you're going to poop in that thing and have to take that home or to someplace.
Speaker 2That's going to weigh something. You can pump that out right at the campground.
Speaker 1Your t-shirts are going to fucking weigh. Do you know how much a t-shirt weighs? Probably about almost a pound. Let me ask you this?
Speaker 340 t-shirts in there. It's like driving another infant with you. Let me ask you this real quick is it easier to drive these things around with bigger vehicles? Of course, more power so the smaller the vehicle wider wheelbase the harder it is to maneuver and drive yes, especially when you're right up. So what are you using?
Speaker 1it's not like I got a 500 pound wood trailer where I'm gonna haul some fucking carved wood up and wait on myself.
Speaker 2I got this big ass wind hauling sail behind me. Don't even think about bringing your own firewood.
Speaker 1Nothing that weighs too much. What's?
Speaker 3your vehicle again.
Speaker 1Dodge Grand Caravan.
Speaker 3Okay, so that's not ideal, is that ideal?
Speaker 1You don't see many campers pulling around with a minivan, and if you do, it's because it's probably their first season and they haven't gotten their truck yet it's not ideal. Tony's laughing. He's trying not to laugh, so it works, but it is on the edge.
Speaker 2What you just explained to me is but it's only $1,000.
Speaker 1We got such a good deal on the camper.
Speaker 3Wait a second. Could I pull with my? Oh, not to mention these campsites that we normally pay 18 why, oh god?
Speaker 2not a fucking chance, a micro machine you have the size of his van.
Speaker 3No, it's not. My shit's got 2000 capacity. Your things run on triple a batteries, bro. Yeah the rechargeable ones.
Speaker 2No, what you explained about your wife poorly backing you up the driveway is, as my standard, friday night and entertainment we jump on the golf cart to her how to do, and she knows now when we get to the campground wasn't being patient on friday nights, me and my boys will jump on my golf cart, watch people and just slowly drive up and down by the rentals and watch the husbands and wife fucking screaming at each other, with the rental camper, with the little doggie in the window so fucking stressed out, make your own youtube channel, you might be rich.
Speaker 3Oh, because a lot of people don't go ahead and get this sway bar.
Speaker 1I think I might even get the little extra part that actually it's two more arms that go on that are held by chains, so the weight that you're pushing down on your tongue actually lifts up the tongue weight or whatever you know.
Speaker 2the thing is is you just proved that money's no thing. You might as well get all the things.
Speaker 1Well, the money is a. Thing.
Speaker 2It's not a. Thing. Yeah, how much a thousand dollars on a whim.
Speaker 3How much did the hitch cost you? Dan, it wasn't on a whim, how much did the hitch cost you to add it to your van?
Speaker 1When we did it, it was like 250, right, I think it was a little more than that, but yeah.
Speaker 3See, that is almost the cost of the actual thing, Right and the electronic brake controller is going to be about 200, 250 bucks.
Speaker 1I'm going to have to have someone install it for me because I ain't doing that shit. That's another 200 bucks.
Speaker 2Jesus Christ, and then I I'm gonna have to get the extra new chains, new chains, I mean.
Speaker 3Each link's probably a dollar 85, I mean so do you wonder why people sell these for cheap or give them away?
Speaker 1I know I told the guy when I shook his hand they're not like I'm out of the camping life. Nobody gets oh christ, you don't get out, you don't get out into camping and then goes I'm out. I already explained how I know that I'm going to end up getting a bigger truck and a bigger thing, and it's already we're done. We're done, dude, I'm going to have to get a bigger house just to put the newer, bigger fucking RV in.
Speaker 2Yeah, dude, you're going to be renting land.
Speaker 1It's cheaper than the storage, Am I right?
Speaker 2buddy.
Speaker 1That. But I mean like so I don't, it's not that I didn't want it, it's just. It's another thing, dude to do and like, take care of and spend money on and time on and like worry about explain my whole fucking fucking lists on, I know.
Speaker 1but everything in life and I've realized as I get older I want to get simpler. My wife's in this stage where she seems to make things, wants to make things a little bit more complex, like the dog. That was another thing. I was like I love the dog, I'm going to love this camper. I'm not like mad about it.
Speaker 3Are you guys not taking in strays anymore?
Speaker 1No, we still do that. Oh for sure, we still do that. We put them in the. It's another thing. It's like it's fine and it's great and all. But it's another thing and worry, oh, it's not so bad. It's like no, you got to put the other dog's food up and feed the other dog, like even that. It's like what are we doing? We're building a fence. Wife wants a fence.
Speaker 3She's always wanted a fence to have the fence in for my dog but my dog doesn't run away no, so we don't really need a fence. A fence is super expensive unless you do it yourself.
Speaker 1She's doing it herself. She's doing a great job. Wait she is I'm not building a fence. Your wife is building a fence. She's doing it with her dad. Same with my basement. I don't want to remodel basement. You know how much time we spend in that basement Zero time We've never been down there, it's just a more cleaner looking storage area.
Speaker 3I couldn't imagine my wife even trying to order the wood needed to build a fence.
Speaker 2She did over order.
Speaker 1The concrete so now. I'm going to have bags of concrete laying around for the next 15 years of my life.
Speaker 3How many bags of concrete do you want? I don't know for the next 15 years of my life.
Speaker 2Tell me how many bags of concrete you want. I don't know.
Speaker 3Give me a hundred, tony. You know what I'm saying, right. You know what I'm saying right.
Speaker 2His wife helps run his whole business. My wife runs a fucking successful flooring.
Speaker 3Could you see her building a fence in your backyard?
Fence Building and Other Side Projects
Speaker 1No, but I couldn't see Tony doing either, but they could both figure out how to hire it. You didn't answer the question.
Speaker 3You were building a fence.
Speaker 2I think she would have to ease in on a couple smaller projects first, but I think she's totally capable.
Speaker 3Don't bypass the actual fucking question my wife and her dad dug four holes what?
Speaker 130 inches deep or whatever today 18 inches wide, or whatever filled it with concrete and put in four new poles. Today.
Speaker 3I mean, that's the easy part. Well, I was out working Taking the holes. Hardest part is leveling the fucking posts. It's all level.
Speaker 1I'm saying that's the hardest part.
Speaker 3Sure run a string, I mean like the posts. Okay, whatever, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1They're not cabinets. It's a fence, yeah, but you need a fucking plum ish, plum ish within reason, yeah, what are you gonna?
Speaker 3do when you put the like I said. It's not cabinets, connecting boards, and they're not fucking plum or level, it's gonna be like a fucking warped it's gonna look like his wife built a fence so she started out.
Speaker 1She's like I want this fence, I'm gonna do eight foot vinyl and I'm like that's gonna cost like five thousand dollars.
Speaker 1She's like oh yeah, she priced it up five thousand dollars oh yeah so then it turned into I'm gonna do a wood fence. And then she looked at that I'm like, well, that's gonna be like three thirty two hundred bucks yeah yeah, thirty two hundred bucks oh yeah, whatever it was. And then she was like, well, I'm just gonna buy all the lumber and do it myself, and then they did, and it was down to like a thousand bucks. If you buy everything yourself, it's cheap as heck.
Speaker 2She's like I'm going to have a guy 3D print this fence, but now we have a bunch of extra concrete which is like the worst leftover.
Speaker 3A 3D fucking printed fence would be like a hundred grand.
Speaker 1So, anyways, now we got a fence to enclose our collection of dogs and our bees.
Speaker 3So the fence is already done.
Speaker 1Almost, not almost, but it's got a good head start on it. It'll get done soon.
Speaker 3I mean you're backtracking here. Is it done or not? No, it's not completely done.
Speaker 1No, let's see. I made a list of things I need to do, because I got to check the tires. I got to check the tires, check the tires. Not only that, I got to check the axles to make sure that they're greased up, because you don't want to blow up on the shit, you need some spare fuses. I got to check this new chains, new plug Kind of sounds like you wanted a little bit more than she did, Chris, with all these fucking check marks.
Speaker 1The air conditioning needs maintenance. I got to get a battery. That's going to be like 300 bucks, maybe.
Speaker 3She's like Chris do worry about the fucking camper.
Speaker 1The awning doesn't? The awning's got a busted spot. That should be fine, Worry about the camper.
Speaker 3I'm taking care of the fence, chris. So now you have a list of shit you have to do, gotta fill them LP tanks. Jesus. Yeah, I mean gotta get a water pressure regulator.
Speaker 1New water hose? Gotta buy a poop tube. I gotta buy a poop tube. Yeah, I'm a poop tube purchaser. I gotta price out some poop tubes.
Speaker 2You gotta make sure you get the elbow with the little attachment for the hose, so you can flush out the chitter real well. So, so you gotta get a poop stick. Word to the wise, uh, when it comes to your flexible shit tube, everyone's got them.
Speaker 1Get the one with the clear elbow on it, you'll think yeah, yeah, with the little hose attachment right that you can like backflow with you're gonna, you're gonna want to be able to see when the water stops that's disgusting brown and moves to gray yep.
Speaker 3So I rented uh a. What was it? When I came in for the comedy special when we went to your place, it was the same thing.
Speaker 2Right, you rented well yeah. Kind of right Sort of Same concept a house on wheels.
Speaker 3But it was actually a lot bigger. Yeah, and my wife, when we went into the place she couldn't stand it the whole time because of the bathroom and the smell and it was. I mean, it was, it was not pleasant but it wasn't like overwhelming until you opened the little fucking plastic door.
Speaker 2The thing is is I'm sure nobody told you or showed you how to use a camper toilet?
Speaker 3Yeah, and that's very fucking problematic, saran wrap, saran wrap, you, saran wrap.
Speaker 1If you don't leave water in the shitter, how do you put water in there?
Speaker 2there's a certain way. You got to fill it up with water, how? And then your flush has got to be quick and and stout. What the fuck you can't? You can't just pussyfoot.
Speaker 1So diaper toilet. So what you gotta do is you gotta push it down a little bit and the water starts to fill.
Speaker 2You don't just go boom and stick it in, you gently ease it in.
Speaker 1You have to ease water into that tank so it has something to flush, and then you gotta make sure it closes right away and you want that water there so that stink poop smell from the tube doesn't come up through the toilet and into your air.
Speaker 3It stays below the water. I did exactly the wrong thing, because it was terrible.
Speaker 2What kids do is they slowly do it with their foot, leave that fucking shit hole open and then, when they go to close it, now the spring action of it's gone, so it stays open just a little bit, filling the camper with the smell of your own shit.
Speaker 1It's beautiful.
Speaker 3I'm glad that someone told me that.
Speaker 2Yeah, If you would have came over and said man, dude, this camper smells super shitty.
Speaker 3I figured that everybody fucking lives like this around here. I would have came over and fucking showed you how to do it. I figured everyone around here lives like this and fucking showed you how to do it. I figured everyone around here lives like this, smelling like shit. Do you know what I find fascinating?
Speaker 1about this camper life that I've now entered into as I've come in now three days deep into doing research with all of my free time on the internet and so forth is that I find it's fascinating that you do not need to have any special driving license to do this. You do not need to have any certifications, you don't even have to really register this thing I got.
Speaker 3Just wait, chris. But if you try to tow it with Jay's car, because there's guys out there like Jay, I fucking tow it.
Speaker 1You can spend a G and buy this thing and fucking duct tape it to the back of their bumper and try to drive down the fucking road. Yeah.
Speaker 3I was thinking more of like a yarn kind of.
Speaker 1This shit is wild dude. Like the danger that I'm putting my family into by driving them in this beast, I feel like it's not really.
Speaker 2Oh, you really want to step up the game. Let the family ride in the camper while you're driving.
Speaker 3Oh my gosh he probably already has.
Speaker 1I probably will at some point. But yeah, man, this it's wild, but it is gonna be a ton of fun. But I can't wait for that. First thing where you like, rip the air off on a branch or leave the stoop down and rip the half the door back you know, you know, the fun thing is, I forget to disconnect the pooped stick.
Speaker 2I've been professionally camping at least 13 weeks. You don't move though 13 weeks a year.
Speaker 1You don't move. You have a house that's nicer than mine. On that fucking thing now.
Speaker 2And I've legitimately never pulled a camper with a truck in my life, oh my.
Speaker 1God, what it's so stressful.
Speaker 3The reason you see people fight when they get there is because they've just been like grabbing the wheel and holding their breath for the last 49 miles Isn't somewhat of a bigger boat kind of the same thing, yeah, towing a boat's kind of a pain too, so you could do it because you've done your part.
Speaker 2Oh, I know I could do it.
Speaker 1A boat is nowhere near as heavy. You can see around and behind it. As near as heavy. No, you can see around and behind it. It is likely shorter, maybe not than most things you're towing as far as campers go. It's nowhere near as tall. I have a height restriction of like 11 foot two inch or some shit debate.
Speaker 3You can't go through a drive-thru then cannot.
The Reality of Camper Life
Speaker 1I don't even think about it. I can't even drive down most neighborhood roads with this thing because the trees are too low. You got to watch out for bridges dude.
Speaker 2I could just see Jay and his little ass fucking van jackknife taking out the whole order screen and everything going through.
Speaker 1Yeah, let me get two McChickens.
Speaker 2I'm going to pull forward so the people in the camper can order, but it's still on my bill. It's one car.
Speaker 3We're connected, and then the person taking my order. All they hear is All right.
Speaker 1What would you like to order? Seriously, though, but man.
Speaker 2You're going to have to get that overhead face too.
Speaker 1It is really sweet. I encourage you guys to come check it out sometime or maybe we'll go camping.
Speaker 2I thought you were going to bring it here today. I'm not ready to move it again, but we are going to live it Well, because I'm not, I'm not rigged up yet we are going to live it.
Speaker 3Well, because I'm not. I'm not rigged up yet, so we're going to. How come you can't just pull straight in somewhere and then?
Speaker 1fucking just turn around. I'm not. Oh, I'm fine going backwards, it's just that I don't have the right. Like I said, I don't have turn signal light connections yet Nothing. I got to get an adapter, at minimum before I can even move it again. But I'll probably take it up to the place and have them put all the towing assist shit and weight assist, tongue leveler and all that crap on there so it's nice and locked in because I'm right on my weight limits and there's no plan or I mean this thing.
Speaker 1If you had it on a nice truck, you wouldn't need that kind of accessories because you'd have a better weight ratio and distribution. But the the way I'm at, you definitely need it on there, I'm thinking. But we're gonna live in it this weekend. I'm gonna make sure that everything works that you're gonna turn it into the weekend.
Speaker 1Fuck palace, I'm gonna tell, I'm gonna tell the fam that we just can only go inside to basically, uh, number two. That's about it. The rest of it we're going to do it in the machine. It should be a good time and then continue on this journey. Man, it's wild. I'm on this side now, apparently. Now this thing could just be pulled in front of my front yard and sold it. I would bet we could put $2,800 on the thing and I could sell it in a week. If I put $1,500, I bet I would sell it in a day.
Speaker 1It's in really great shape. She's already fixing a couple of this and that's and yeah it's going to be good.
Speaker 3You and your dad can camp now together. There you go, bro. Fuck yeah.
Speaker 1So that's another top shelf story. Subscribe to us on your favorite podcast. Tell your friends about us. Thanks for listening. Get out and go camping.
