Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Girl Dad vs Boy Dad
Three dads test the myth that boys are harder when they’re young and girls are tougher as teens, swapping stories from soccer fields, sleepovers, and chaotic living rooms. We push on what “structure” really means and share small tactics that make big differences.
• comparing boy energy with girl focus at practice
• first reactions to becoming a girl dad
• concert trips, marriage dynamics, and time away
• sleepovers without sugar or screens as crutches
• chores, mess ownership, and shared-space rules
• accidents versus disrespect and why it matters
• using the perception of choice to reduce fights
• strictness levels and course-correcting our upbringings
• teaching etiquette: carts returned and taking turns
• modeling consistency, calm, and clean-up habits
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony Show.
SPEAKER_02:Welcome everyone. Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Tony, and Chris. I would like to say that out of us three, we have one gentleman that is a father to a daughter. The other is other two are uh boy parents. Parents, boys, boys, parents? How do you say that? Is that right? Uh boy dad. Okay. I believe is technical. But wait, that's a good term. Boy dad would be like you're a boy and then you're a dad.
SPEAKER_01:No. That's the only way my son's pediatrician calls me.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. The only way to be a dad is to be a boy, though, too. So like that doesn't really narrow anything down. True that. True that.
SPEAKER_02:Am I right?
SPEAKER_01:Unless you're a um binary, unbinary the PS not a boy to say that I'm a he him dad. The physician says this? Yeah, he doesn't want to assume.
SPEAKER_05:Your physician says this? You need to get a new physician. Does he know about the human anatomy? He doesn't want to assume that my son is a male. He's a physician. Doesn't he make him turn and hit cough? I don't know. I found him on coverage. Because if he does that, he'll know if he's a male or a female or not.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you know, in in nowadays, you don't really know if you're a male or female. It's a conversion. He's had his balls in his hands. I have watched so much shit about people in gender whatever you call it. Why? Defecation of male or female. Like, what is a woman? Is like the biggest fucking. We are as Americans cannot define a woman. Makes us look read.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, do either of you guys subscribe to Daily Wire. Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_02:I have it's like$20 a month or something, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I watch them all, yeah. What is it? Can I get your login credentials? No. Just so I want to watch What is a Woman? It's amazing.
SPEAKER_02:It is so good.
SPEAKER_01:You're not gonna let me log in on it?
SPEAKER_02:I don't have it anymore. Actually, I canceled it. I watched that and there was like I didn't watch anything else. Everything else was kind of like, eh, yeah. I just want to watch What is a Woman. Anyway, okay, so Chris, she's he's got one daughter. She's uh eight or nine, right?
SPEAKER_05:Yep, she'll be nine soon.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So there's a huge difference between a um father of a daughter than there is uh fathers of of boy boys. And I'll tell you what. One thing is defense. As a boy dad, you need defense whenever you come home, whenever you are away, come back home. Like literally, I'm getting attacked by my kids. Okay, another one.
SPEAKER_01:It sounds like you're just raising them fucked up. Yeah, no, that this isn't gonna be are you raising Walker and Texas Ranger from Talladega Knights? Oh, hopped up on Mountain Dews. I'll come at you like a spider monkey.
SPEAKER_05:What you're trying to do is you're trying to say that being a girl dad is easy. And then, but while saying that, having zero experience of it.
unknown:True.
SPEAKER_01:No, I think I think that's true. That's a fair statement, though. I I feel like it is easier. Sure. You sure can. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:You're definitely uh No, you are right, though.
SPEAKER_02:We uh we don't we have no idea what it is to be a girl. How's your daughter?
SPEAKER_05:You're guys, right? Right? You guys are boys.
SPEAKER_01:Could I he him you or you Well, I have been at one time in my life. So Until you took those hormones.
SPEAKER_05:I remember when I was a boy. And then have a daughter, and then you're gonna tell me that there's something easier than that, like that that's easy.
SPEAKER_02:When you found out, first of all, you were having a daughter, what was your first uh inkling? I mean, I don't know. No, like with the you're like the balloon pops, it's pink.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Were you just was disappointed? No, no, he was immediately like, well, I'm on a plane to go see this band. I'll check in a little bit. We'll talk about this on Sunday night when I get home.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, there's no FaceTime at that point, so he's on the phone with his wife saying after football. What color did the he's at a payphone? What color was the balloon? I only got six minutes. So we we we joke around with with Chris. Um he's an advid uh concert seeker. Uh he goes out of town for weekends, and that's fine. I don't I nothing wrong with it. But he does it without his wife, which Tony and I mainly I think it's kind of crazy that you can actually get away from your wife for more than like work days. Or why the f something to do with your children, bro? Do you need a safe place? There is I need a safe house.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, that's the thing. Okay, so I got married and I plan on living till like, I don't know, at least eighty.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, that's a bad expectation, my friend.
SPEAKER_05:At least eighty.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you should be at least ninety-five.
SPEAKER_05:And then I also expect she can live at least eighty, right?
SPEAKER_01:So then I So it's like 15 years after your die.
SPEAKER_05:So we got married 10 years ago. So I got like 30 more years. And eventually there's gonna be no kid in the house, the dog will die, there'll be no dog in the house, and it'll just be me, and we'll have no friends anymore because half of them will have died or moved away. Here's the and then it's just me and her. And then I got 20 years of that.
SPEAKER_01:You can only fuck so many times in a day, right?
SPEAKER_05:Especially when you're fucking 60.
SPEAKER_02:Now, right? Now, now here's the expectation for male um dads with with boys. Your daughter will leave because usually they're more grown up earlier, they have more expectations in their life. Boy dads, they're fucking they're living at home until they're 40. Nowadays. Living at home until they're 40. Oh no, my kids can't wait to get out. But trust me, they're still gonna be there because you have the West Wing.
SPEAKER_01:They basically live in Iran.
SPEAKER_05:They live in Iran playing war games on their on their computer games.
SPEAKER_01:No, just it's complete dictatorship.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, at your house.
SPEAKER_01:They don't have a say in anything. Yeah. That sounds about right. I gotta explain to my 11-year-old constantly. Eleven-year-olds don't get to make choices about their life. It's pretty true. It's very true. Nothing. If I leave my kid to his own devices, he will eat three meals a day of fucking Nutella biscuits. I was gonna say, isn't that normal?
SPEAKER_02:Nutella biscuits the frozen ones in the freezer.
SPEAKER_01:Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The ones in the freezer that you have to warm up. No, they're they're like fucking cookies, but instead of like No, but they put them in the freezer. No, not my kids. Oh, because they eat them so fast, they don't have to save them.
SPEAKER_02:Alright, so let me ask you this, Chris. When your daughter has a play date, I guess that's what they call it nowadays, um, when her friend comes over, how rang rambunctious, how much noise, how much danger do they cause coming into your home? Uh uh plenty.
SPEAKER_05:Plenty.
SPEAKER_02:But like on a scale from one to ten. Ten being the worst.
SPEAKER_05:Well, we will have no ruckamukas in the house.
SPEAKER_02:Like, I mean, what do you mean, dude? Alright, so this is what we're gonna do. I'll bring over my child. Okay. Actually, wait, wait, I have three. You're gonna have to give it like three weeks.
SPEAKER_01:No, you pick your favorite one and bring it over. You don't bring all three of them things over. For like three weeks, though.
SPEAKER_02:Just just one. You know, actually, I'm not gonna bring my favorite favorite.
SPEAKER_05:And the kid has to be under the impression that he's stuck with me forever. Okay, I like this idea. So three weeks I need a mil boot camp chaplesky house.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And then we're gonna see your I ideals and um So what are you saying?
SPEAKER_05:Your kids just destroy shit all the time? Screaming, punching kicking, scratching. Does this happen at your home all the time? No, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think it's a boy-girl thing. Only only when we go into stores.
SPEAKER_02:Now listen here.
SPEAKER_05:Um there are terrible girl kids, just as much as not terrible, but you get what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02:The percentage is so low. And then I remember Tony's stories about kids.
SPEAKER_05:Have you spoken to like teachers and shit? No, I'll bet you a teacher. I'm gonna have to ask her. I'll bet that there boys do cause a little more trouble, though. I will bet. I would agree. Like, I I mostly concur.
SPEAKER_02:So I remember Tony's story about his child dangling from the channel. What am I back on? Yes, you are. Check, check dangling from the chandelier. Yeah, that did happen. Would a girl ever do that?
SPEAKER_03:Yes. A girl child? Yeah, why not? I don't think they can or will. They don't have the lower leg strength a boy does to get to that height. You're crazy.
SPEAKER_05:You're you're delirious if you think that a nine-year-old, I think between at least the age of like probably three, no, newborn to nine, the physique of a child, as far as their physical ability to do shit, is pretty much the same.
SPEAKER_01:Like women remain wiener getting in their way.
SPEAKER_05:Women are in trouble running.
SPEAKER_02:Women and then interned girls do have a smaller frame, a bit, but like no, but you are right though, that girls develop and and and they get taller faster.
SPEAKER_05:If you want to put it in a weird text, it's a kid. Like, so my kid can jump on a chandelier at six just as much as your kid. Has your kid ever? I no, my kid doesn't have chandeliers.
SPEAKER_02:She doesn't have home training. She's a girl, she just doesn't do that.
SPEAKER_05:I don't have chandeliers.
SPEAKER_01:She's in the bucket. Does she hang from crystal doorknobs? I mean, yeah, dude.
SPEAKER_02:She does not hang from crystal doorknobs.
SPEAKER_05:Yep. All the time. She swings from the fucking drapes like Tarzan.
SPEAKER_02:I'll give you one example. Um, I coach a soccer team, all boys, okay? And they're in a I'm in Well, you're assuming.
SPEAKER_05:I don't even like the jokes about it.
SPEAKER_02:She's kind of funny. Well, they are boys now, but you know, we just wait a couple years. We don't know. Um, so I got a whole gangle of boys on my soccer team. And I have I'm in a field of other of ten other fields of boys and girls. I look around during my soccer practice. Every fucking team of girls are standing there looking at the coach and listening. And then I look around and see the boys, they're fucking dry humping the grass, fucking pumping their fists in the air. I think this is kicking the fucking ground. These are your rolling. I think this is other boys as well.
SPEAKER_05:And the two girls' teams are just fucking kicking the ball to each other between calls and having tea.
SPEAKER_01:I think this is just a testament to your leadership abilities. I mean, you're not going to be able to do that. I mean, are you telling the kids go fuck the grass?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, when they misbehave, I tell them, go public, thrust that fucking dry ass grass, that hard grass, just go in there and give it some. No. But the serious thing is about it, I don't really I don't know because I don't I don't have a I don't have a daughter. But I feel like this is the truth that that the uh having boys at a younger age is so much harder. But and when they start when when the when the girls get older, I feel like then that's when the girls get harder and the boys get easier. So so here's my feeling on it.
SPEAKER_05:16-year-old boy, 16-year-old girl, which one you want? Boy. Oh shit. So by a huge margin. Mile. Miles.
SPEAKER_01:I think kilometers. So I think I think young ladies are inherently more helpful and better listeners.
SPEAKER_05:I would agree.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, totally. And and boys try to test you a little bit more than a girl will. I would agree. You should write that up. But if you don't buy if you lay down the groundwork as a parent, you will not be tested on a daily basis. You will be tested once.
SPEAKER_02:No, you're gonna be tested every day. See the problem, too.
SPEAKER_01:Not every day.
SPEAKER_05:Here's what with a girl, right? If she wants to be, it seems like in general, you could make, I would say, and this is one of my fears, is that when she chooses to be disobedient, it'll be conniving, quiet, behind the scenes, well calculated and effective. And it'll probably work, and I'll catch it after it happens.
SPEAKER_01:And a boy probably uses it.
SPEAKER_05:Wants to do some fucking, yeah, he'll break out of those window with a hammer and try to sneak out of the house. Mine will fucking plan for like three weeks on who's gonna call who the knee's mom's gonna call Stevie's mom and the whole fucking biscuit, dude.
SPEAKER_02:Before I came here, my kid said, Oh, what are you doing? Going to the podcast, Dad? Runs out of the bathroom. He's saying this in the bathroom, runs out of the bathroom butt naked and shakes his dick in the air and says, Go have fun.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, see that's I don't think a girl would do that.
SPEAKER_02:Well, no, but pretty deep. That's not even a joke. I don't think I did that.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you did. I mean with that big schlong. I mean, what kind of fucking house do you live in where a 17-year-old kid runs out of the bathroom?
SPEAKER_05:Well, he's teaching them to shit with no pants on. He's probably teaching him.
SPEAKER_01:And if you would if you would have taught your kid how to wipe his own ass at an appropriate age, he wouldn't be coming out asking you to wipe him anymore. So here's the funny thing.
SPEAKER_02:Here's the funny thing. Tony is talking about a 70-year-old. I have a 17-year-old child. I also have a fucking eight-year-old. And this is why he makes it funny.
SPEAKER_03:Because he thinks I'm talking about the 72 and slinging his dick around, saying, Dad, you're going to the podcast? What the hell? You're not going to stay home with mom and dad and grandpa?
SPEAKER_01:But see, see, the thing is, is you're not the weather? The thing is, is I'm sure, I'm sure that actually happened. I can't highly doubt your. I'm never gonna tape it and show you, but it did. Let me ask you this as a parent. Give me your honest reaction to it. What what did you do? He runs out, swinging in there. You're saying what okay. Yeah, what'd you do? Did you laugh or did you get pissed and correct him?
SPEAKER_02:I laughed and walked away. See you later.
SPEAKER_01:I love you, son. So that's why this shit happens in your house.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, what would you do? Throw a fucking ball at his dick and say, hey, next time think about taking your dick on the show.
SPEAKER_05:My kid immediately grabbed by the fucking mid of my hand, I'd grab that dick and I'd say, kid, don't be swinging this fucking thing around or someone's gonna grab it and squeeze it and yell at you.
SPEAKER_02:Fucking get dressed. He was ten feet away, so I could not have grabbed it. I could with a kid of mine and be ten foot long.
SPEAKER_01:He is not LeBron James child. And in your house, ten feet's a lot of steps for you. It's a half a quarter kilometer. Uh no, my my kid would have been if I mean if he was in my reach, he would have been grabbed by his ear, drugged back in the bathroom. Okay, our conversation is fucking clothes back.
SPEAKER_02:Like a civilized human being. But our conversations go into crazy shit like this, right? Like sometimes. Okay. Now would you be mad that he grew up and acted like you do now? Because you're I mean, like, literally, that's not that okay. It's not like he went out in the public.
SPEAKER_01:Stop touching the cord! I didn't touch the cord to the card. You did, I saw you. No, when it went out, I went to readjust it. Okay, go ahead. Uh that I guess that is the pot call in a kettle black because I do do that to his mother often. Exactly. No. To his the kit wait, what? Really anybody's mother.
SPEAKER_02:Except mine. Okay, as long as he's not doing it in public, he's doing it in the confines of your home. I think there's not I mean, yeah, but you can be like he'll do this every time. Does it no, no, no, no. This is this is really random. What he usually what he'll do to to get a rise out of everyone in the in the house is run out with his underwear, jacked up his ass, basically like he has a thong, and he'll just dance around with his butt hanging out.
SPEAKER_01:He learns that from that's a learned behavior. I don't do that. I'm sure you've done that. Well, his grandpa does. Who's the other adult in the house?
SPEAKER_03:His grandpa.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Trust me, I think he just walked.
SPEAKER_01:You really think Grandpa Tim's dancing anymore?
SPEAKER_02:No, he walks around with a thong up his ass because when he's sitting down all day, that's what happens to your underwear. It goes up your ass. Disintegrate.
SPEAKER_05:So what are you trying to say? That my kid wouldn't my kid does not like to be nude in the house particularly. I definitely do not. But she has done something similar to that where she'll like be like, hey dad, and she'll run like you know, or run naked?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and then run back upstairs, like she's in the she's in your house, no one else is there. I feel like that's fine. If you're out in public, obviously I would say something. I wouldn't just let it go.
SPEAKER_01:But your example When that happens at the bathroom at the Walmart, then you got a problem. Then you're gonna have to explain why your child does that to many different people.
SPEAKER_05:But you're explaining it to me like that's a bad reason, or not a bad, but like that's how boys act wild that a girl won't. But I would say that's that's not a good example. Umless that kid does that every time anyone comes in the house every fucking time, all hopped up on Mountain Dew.
SPEAKER_02:All right, well, let's give another example, Tony. Um when the kids have a sleepover.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, it's like the boys are louder, they stink more, they they like make more ruckus, they're way more active. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not arguing that.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so when the boys have a sleepover, let me let me let me put this into context, and then you tell me your example when your daughter has a sleepover. My kids have a sleepover. My kids get fucked. I haven't had any kids sleepover at my house. Really?
SPEAKER_05:No.
SPEAKER_02:I guess she's only eight, so yeah. Yeah, makes sense. Well, then let's just leave it out there. Let's just throw it out there anyway. I have kids that have sleepovers.
SPEAKER_05:No, I guess we did have one or two, actually. So yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It's like my kids all of a sudden snorted two lines of coke. And they're jumping around screaming.
SPEAKER_05:Can your wife buy them like a 12-pack amount and do and two fucking big bags of Doritos and like fun dips?
SPEAKER_02:No, my come at your fun dip. My kids are 100% not allowed to have caffeine and they cannot have sugar. Well, they can have sugar, but they cannot have soda that has sugar. Fair enough, fair enough. Um, they have kids that sleep over, and all of a sudden they they fucking flip a switch. It's like from hey dad, you know, I'm kind of bored, they get wild playing video games, and then all of a sudden, like giggling like little fucking girls fucking throwing shit around, and then you can tell them a hundred times to stop, and they continue to do the same exact thing, and you you can threaten them, you're never having to sleep over again. You know you're not gonna let them. They know. Do you ever turn off the internet router? No, because I need it. I'm watching TV, and that's how I get my TV. I got you.
SPEAKER_05:Sacrifices need to be made when you want to trust me. Yeah, I behavior correction.
SPEAKER_02:I'll tell you what, I'm the first person to tell you, I'm not a great example.
SPEAKER_05:Every time you kids sleep over and you act up, I'm going to unplug the router. And then you're I'm not gonna let you call your moms to go home because you're bored, and you're just gonna sit on the couch and like, I'll bring out checkers or something for you. And then the next time they come over, you start getting louder, they'll stop.
SPEAKER_01:So so there's a rule that when other kids come to my house, that they can do whatever they want, they can make as big a mess as they want.
SPEAKER_05:Like the kid, your your kid has to clean it up.
SPEAKER_01:It's Chase's responsibility.
SPEAKER_02:You're making him feel you're making him seem like he's a dick because he's gonna tell his friends, stop making a mess, because I gotta clean that shit up.
SPEAKER_01:So that's not right. He knows that it's 100% his responsibility. That's not right. Listen, to make sure that the things get put back away. I don't agree with that at all. So he makes a choice on the level of trash they trash the house on whether or not he makes his friend or cousin or who who's ever over clean up after help them clean out.
SPEAKER_02:So basically, you're saying I invite a homeless person over to my house, they fuck up everything, shit on the floor, eat all my food, and then I'm supposed to clean it up.
SPEAKER_05:You invited them. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Or make them clean up. But still, that is there's a child.
SPEAKER_01:You're this is twelve. Well who cleans up after your father-in-law. No one that's that's your wife's guest. Is she the one walking around cleaning up after them? Oh, you got me there.
SPEAKER_02:But hey, I don't like your argument. No, seriously though, I think that puts too much pressure on your your child, and then it makes him look like an asshole because his friends come over and they're like, every time I go over, so what my kid's supposed to have his friends over, they trash my house, they leave, and then I clean it up.
SPEAKER_01:Listen, no. I clean up with garbage bags, and my kids know that.
SPEAKER_02:Every time I go to Tony's house, Tony, or uh every time I go to Tony's dad, or what the fuck's your kid's name again? Chase. Chase's dad's house. Chase yells at me for even touching his toys because I had to put it back immediately. Otherwise, he has to.
SPEAKER_01:That's between Chase and his friend.
SPEAKER_02:I don't but that still like makes him look bad.
SPEAKER_01:Chase can make the conscious choice to let everybody trash a house because he spends his time cleaning it.
SPEAKER_02:Are you saying then then Chase should be the one to tell his friend, if you make a mess, you gotta clean it like a dad. Well, I don't have to say a word. Like a dad. Yeah. No, I don't like it.
SPEAKER_05:Here's what it is is that kid's then gonna teach the other kid. Bro, in my house, we clean up after ourselves. Fucking help me. Okay, but Tony has his friends.
SPEAKER_01:No, I'm not gonna be able to do that. Not Chase. Not Chase.
SPEAKER_05:I said it once. You gotta raise a kid that's gonna tell his friends to not smoke cigarettes.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, that's true, but they're only not going out of the bathroom and show his dick to everyone. So you're saying making a mess is a uh underlying uh achievement to doing something more like smoking cigarettes.
SPEAKER_05:It's it's what it is is that it's in this instance Chase ex showing by example to his kid how to fucking that the you have to clean up after yourself. Like just because you're you're not on vacation at my house. We're just here because I got fucking good chicken tenders in a new Vindy over.
SPEAKER_02:He shouldn't have to learn that from his friend's dad or learn that from his parents.
SPEAKER_05:Well, that doesn't happen in a lot. Okay, and then you have to learn that from. But here's what happens then. Oh like that Chase is like, fuck that kid Jimmy. He never cleans up. I gotta clean up after his bitch ass. I'm not gonna be friends with Jimmy. And then me as a dad, in this case, Tony is dead.
SPEAKER_01:Jimmy's in my alley smoking cigarettes.
SPEAKER_05:Good shit. My kid don't hang out with that kid because he didn't clean up after himself when he was fucking eight. That was a good argument.
SPEAKER_02:I like that argument.
SPEAKER_05:That's why you gotta rule with the fucking iron fist. And you gotta he literally.
SPEAKER_01:It's not even ruling with an iron fist. It's saying, hey, look, they're your toys, your friends over, you're responsible for the mess. I pay all the fucking bills, I prepare the meals, I make sure you have fucking cool clothes when you go to school. And I'm sure your toys are your fucking responsibility. Well, yeah, at 11, that's when that shit starts kicking in. Yeah, my kid's starting to.
SPEAKER_05:I'm sure that there are times where you're like, all right, kids, I'll clean up your fucking video games and Dorito bowls. Go play basketball. You got a half hour until Jimmy's mom gets here. I'm sure there's shit like that that comes down, but most of the time it's like, yeah, you fucking clean it up. My kid cleans up after herself at my house.
SPEAKER_02:I definitely don't think Tony ever cleans up after his child.
SPEAKER_05:I do not clean up after my kid. There are times when I do that. Look at him.
SPEAKER_02:But that's because I want to give you a fucking chance. That's why I call this kid chance. What's his name again? One of my parenting tricks. I'm just kidding, it's Chase.
SPEAKER_05:I know. Fruit flies are fucking pissing me off. So one of my tricks, parent tips, yeah, let's hear it. Let's hear it. Provide a perception of choice. Provide a perception of choice. Hey kid, it's late. We normally go to bed at 7 30. It's almost 8. And I think to myself, I want to read to her, and I want to do what she likes to do, is called goofing before bed. So I say, Hey Claire, which one do you want to do first? Do you want to read or goof? And then she picks, and then I do that, and then I'm like, dang, we don't have time for the other one. Okay. Because all along I was only going to do one of the two, but if you say, we only get to do one. Read or goof around, which do you want to do?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I get that. No, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_05:She's like, why can't we do the other one? But if you perceive this choice of picking which is that's kind of a bad example.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no, I get I got that totally.
SPEAKER_05:The perception of choice.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's modern day trickery.
SPEAKER_05:If you don't want your kid to eat eat it's I mean, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:What do you think about fucking sorcerers? I mean, it sounds like it. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05:Because then it makes you're not being a fucking asshole by not doing something. You just ran out of time. So I have the one you wanted.
SPEAKER_01:I have people come clean my house every two weeks. So it's probably a good choice. That's bullshit. It's like every three days.
SPEAKER_02:So it's a west, east, and south. Every every sounding now is coming at me.
SPEAKER_01:Every 14 days in rotation, they have to make sure all their shit is put away. No matter what. Like I don't I don't hound these kids to clean up every fucking item at the end of every day. Right. But if I go upstairs and it starts looking even remotely out of control, everybody's stopping what they're doing. Because it's not a joke. Dad cleans up with garbage bags. And as soon as I tell them, I'll go clean it up. They go, no, don't, no. Then they start fucking screaming. So when they have their friends over and they they do two weeks of damage in two hours to their play area. It is nobody's responsibility but their own. It's their responsibility every day to keep their own shit in order. It's nobody else's. They don't get to make the mess and somebody cleans up after them. That's setting a bad example for your kid. That's not preparing them for life. Okay, you have a younger child that is four?
SPEAKER_02:Five? Five. Five. Do you treat him the same way?
SPEAKER_01:Exactly the same. Okay, so obviously he doesn't. Actually, I treat him better because I do make the 11-year-old help the five-year-old clean up messes that he's made.
SPEAKER_02:Because obviously you don't he doesn't have sleepovers and friends over, really. I mean, maybe you know.
SPEAKER_01:He's not allowed to have friends until he's a teenager. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:I don't need the drama for if you treat him the same way without friends coming over, how does that teach him something when he sees his brother with friends come over?
SPEAKER_01:I'm trying to I'm trying to get no the five-year-olds have friends come over, which is really awkward because the parents stay. Yeah. So when the parents don't come over, you gotta tell them to clean up.
SPEAKER_05:Well, the thing is third locational visits.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know the parents well enough to be like, hey, it's 11 o'clock on a Saturday. You want an old fashioned? I mean, you can't. Or if I should like leave a Bible out on the table. Like, I don't know where these other people are if you guys make a fucking mess. I always clean up! I always I don't have to talk at my kids like that.
SPEAKER_02:No, I'm talking um look when the when the five year old's parents come over. This is what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_03:If you leave a fork on the table, motherfucker, you better wash it off. Putting a dishwasher.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, if somebody, if somebody else is, I I don't know. I mean, I think it'd just be common sense. And sometimes my my kids decide that they're just gonna clean up after the other kids because they didn't make that big of a mess. And sometimes, you know, the kids do to leave at five o'clock and 4 30 rolls around and they're like, all right, man, let's clean up for a little bit.
SPEAKER_02:Everyone has their own strictness, if that is a word.
SPEAKER_01:And I have to do that. If I tell you this, I I know lots of other parents, and I can guarantee you that I'm not even a strict parent. Man, you sound like a fucking lawyer hanger parents. No, man, I know strict parents. And uh they look at us like we're fucking wild men. Yeah. Why do you let your kid do that?
SPEAKER_02:I d I feel like I'm way under your level of Oh, I guarantee it. Yeah, like if someone comes over and fucks something up, I'm like, damn, dude, don't do that again. You when you come over next time, I'll fix it.
SPEAKER_01:I'll make sure everything's okay. Like if the kids are playing around and they break something, I don't give a fuck about that. As long as it wasn't a good one. No, not at all. Of fucking No. I if they break something playing, I could give two fucking shits. But that's an accident of playing. So that's not being irresponsible.
SPEAKER_02:They put something in in like even they get a little little eye view. So there's the handle breaks off a door, and then and then next to the next to the door, there's a little um nerf bullet gun or a nerf bullet for a gun. No, not.
SPEAKER_03:So you'd be like, who the fuck left the nerf bullet on the ground?
SPEAKER_02:That's okay if you touched, you broke that handle off the door. I can't get into the basement for next whatever.
SPEAKER_03:First time.
SPEAKER_01:Who the fuck left that nerf bullet? Off a broken handle wouldn't keep me from getting into a door. No, I'm saying I'm a fucking adult man. I'm saying I'll never be able to poop again. Well, this room's fucked up.
SPEAKER_04:That was fun. Now our house is only 845 square feet.
SPEAKER_01:We gotta sell it. Alright, so there's been some alterations from the last assessment. The house lost 312 square feet broken door handle.
SPEAKER_05:What are you gonna do?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, right. There's a closet with the broken door handle as a window.
SPEAKER_05:Sleeping in the same bedroom.
SPEAKER_01:Who needs a closet in the hallway? But my kids break shit all the time. They're kids. Like, you know, if they break a door handle because they pulled on it too hard, big fucking deal. I'm just saying, like if they broke the door handle and there's a hammer laying on the ground and it's in 11 pieces, then we got fucking problems.
SPEAKER_02:Didn't you have different aspects of cleanliness? So cleanliness is more important than uh destruction or have you seen this guy's hair, man? That's true. That's a solid point. Like I can fucking I can I can do a squ I can put a square on his head. I think what it is is that it will be straight.
SPEAKER_05:The kids just they know to clean up, so they just do it. I don't care yelling at all.
SPEAKER_01:I don't prevent them from being children, I prevent them from being fucking pieces of shit later in society. Well, if they're breaking door handles all the time, I mean that's pretty shitty. And not fixing that. That's a lesson for me to stop buying such low-quality door handles.
SPEAKER_05:Shopping at Menards again.
SPEAKER_03:It's about look, not quality. I mean, you get a diving door handle. I don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_01:It's put together with fucking wooden screws. It still looks cool. Chris is still trying to find pieces for his door handle.
SPEAKER_05:I actually do still need I need a door handle.
SPEAKER_02:All right, so this this topic got way off uh being a boy dad or girl dad.
SPEAKER_05:I think the thing is that you're outnumbered, bro. How am I outnumbered? You outnumbered three kids. Oh, outnumbered. Two adults. Yeah, oh no, okay. That's what you're talking about. And now three cats, which apparently we learned about last week, and I don't remember. Yeah, well, you know. But and so you're outnumbered. That's the problem. You have three kids, two adults. That's to me. I never understood that.
SPEAKER_02:I'm super not strict at all. I I let so much go because I've been strict or I was growing up not being able to do so much shit. So by the way, and anyway, let us go. Blah blah blah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:See, that means like in my language, so so you just decided you just decided because you grew up in an overly strict household to be the exact opposite. Yeah, why why did I do that?
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:Rubber bandit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, everybody wants better for their own children, but do you think being raised strict is bad? I don't think being strict is bad at all. No, because I mean So you got you got raised religious strict, which is a different kind of strict.
SPEAKER_05:Do you know how many more tickets you would have got if you went in a strict house?
SPEAKER_02:No, I agree with you about being strict is something that has to be at least maintained at a certain level.
SPEAKER_01:A certain level. I mean, it's not even about being strict, it's about having parameters for your own.
SPEAKER_02:That's why I said a certain level of strictness is You gotta build up kids.
SPEAKER_05:You gotta build the kids so that they return the fucking cart to the cart corral. No, you're right. That's the goal. Yeah, that's the goal. And they wait for others to get off before they get on. Those are my two things.
SPEAKER_01:And I mean, we we totally That's it!
SPEAKER_05:If they do that, they probably will do all the other things you need done.
SPEAKER_01:So I totally referenced this earlier, but very recently me and my 11-year-old sat and watched from start to finish Talladega Nights. And really, I mean, Ricky Bobby, Calyre in that movie. They're they're amazing. But the stars of the show are gonna come to my wedding are are Walker and Texas Ranger. I mean, they start out as being the world's worst kids and being supported the worst they are. And then when a grandma takes them over, they turn into like productive members of society. And it's it was just a testament to what you're talking about. Like your kids having no parameters to your kids having parameters. Uh you have to give your kids some kind eventually, dude, they have to go out into the real world. And if they don't know how to fucking act, that they're gonna have a really fucking tough time. Yep. No, if they never have to clean up after themselves, if they never have to if they don't have to take their plate to the sink when they're done eating dinner. You can't tell a child how to act.
SPEAKER_05:You can't only most that's like your only responsibility as a parent is to tell these fucking new bodies how to act as old bodies.
SPEAKER_02:You can only give them the path of a path. I'm not saying tell your child how to act. You've given them a path to follow.
SPEAKER_01:That path has to be uphill sometimes. It can't all be a fucking toboggan ride down a fucking hill. Well, sometimes it can be.
SPEAKER_02:It can be. Yeah, but yeah, uphill, it yeah, certainly. I have uphill toboggan rides. I have downhill toboggan rides.
SPEAKER_01:I have more downhill fucking riding the the I mean it sounds like your kid walking out shaking his dick, your soccer team fucking the dirt. I mean, it sounds like you need to put some real parameters on these kids.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, you just summed up my life in a in a 10 seconds.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, for fuck's sake, man, teach these kids how to ride a bike. Seriously, though. And don't tell them great job losing out there.
SPEAKER_02:I do over uh exaggerate about certain things, and uh but sometimes, you know, like I don't really care. That makes that I don't know, yeah. Well, you know, this was uh top shelf stories about it. It was about uh child dads with uh girls and uh and and and boys, but now it turned into I don't know, rules and games.
SPEAKER_05:I think we're gonna call this one being a dad. Walker in Texas Ranger.
SPEAKER_02:So thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Have a good night.
SPEAKER_05:We're gonna be able to do it.
