Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Addictions, Habits, And The Lines Between
We go from loose jokes to a grounded talk on nicotine, routines, and the thin line between a habit and a compulsion. We unpack vape bans, explain cravings to kids, and test whether “routines” are comfort or cage.
• defining addictions versus routines and why it matters
• nicotine cravings explained in simple terms
• Wisconsin vape ban, legal workarounds, and confusion
• parents talking to kids about vaping and pouches
• debating nicotine’s risks and perceived benefits
• hidden habits and nervous ticks in daily life
• morning rituals, dressing order, and cognitive load
• gambling limits, cash-only logic, and risk framing
• small addictions: reels, slow replies, clickbait
• practical ideas for setting boundaries and adapting routines
Listen to us every Tuesday for advice, hot takes, and some camaraderie
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony.
SPEAKER_01:Well, well, well, ladies and gentlemen, we're back.
SPEAKER_03:Hey everybody. This episode of Top Shelf Stories podcast is gonna be called Arm Vagina. Wait, what? Did you what did you say? Did you just make the hand signal for arm vagina? Something like that.
SPEAKER_04:Can I can I understand? Square vagina? Well, you just drew a vagina in the air with your vagina. An air vagina. Can I understand what that is?
SPEAKER_03:Very large one. I'll show you. Hold on.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, so you made like okay.
SPEAKER_03:I put like my hands in like making a quotations symbol, but like sliding down, and Tony said it was an air vagina.
SPEAKER_04:No, they connected at the bottom. Oh, I connected them though. I thought you were praying. You basically either made a vagina or the leaf of an aspen tree.
SPEAKER_03:Jay, can you say the word vagina for me, please, just one time? Vagina. Okay, thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Vagina. He did it. I think that counts. I uh I have problems with it just because it doesn't roll off my tongue like it should. Like normal people.
SPEAKER_02:I've been having vagina roll off my tongue since I was about 16 years old, man. I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not getting into that at all. Let's just keep it down along.
SPEAKER_03:This is uh family podcast. That's why we tried to keep it clean. Yeah. Just like that vagina when I was 16.
SPEAKER_01:You know, the problem is I gave my son oh goodness the the the uh the way to get to this podcast, and now I just kind of feel weird. But that's fine. I don't give shit. He probably doesn't listen. He's young. You're over 18. You gave the 13-year-old? Yeah, no, 18 didn't want it.
SPEAKER_03:This is explicit. His Spotify shouldn't show it.
SPEAKER_01:There's ways, there's ways to get around everything, man. These kids, these kids are online mingling with predators right now. Yeah, that's why they ball up role. My kid's got two counts on Roblox. I guess one is for the fucking predators, one's for his friends.
SPEAKER_03:My kids actually got two logins too. She's like, here, you can use mine. Why is that a thing? Different devices, these kids don't understand how to resign it.
SPEAKER_01:And they're just like, if I got a new one, I'll just make a new one. We got into that last time. Yeah, we're not talking about that. This time, uh, I want to so it's not ba it's not necessarily a story, but I think stories will come out of this. And what I wanted to ask you guys is about vagina.
SPEAKER_03:Alright, sorry, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01:That was good. Uh addictions. Addictions. Everyone has them. I have certain addictions to certain things. Oh, absolutely. I want to know. I want to start out with both or all of our addictions to what I'll go first. How long they have been in your life and what addictions you have gone through and got out of. Because I mean, I don't think Tony, he doesn't he he he you still manicure? Pedicure. Pedicure, I mean.
SPEAKER_04:Uh yeah. Actually, I haven't been in almost two months because of the new toenail growth. I'm waiting until it gets to an acceptable length before I go in.
SPEAKER_03:I saw these things, they look like a strap or like a band-aid strap kind of thing, but they're a little more rigid and the glue's a lot stickier. And what you do is you put them around your toes or fingernails in a way that it goes around the front, but under the nail, so that when the nail grows, it grows over this like band-aid thing instead of into your side skin.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like that'd be the most uncomfortable thing to wear.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, but you'd only have to do it for a little while because once it gets past that spot where the nail keeps going in instead of over, but you can never cut your nail growing.
SPEAKER_01:You can never cut the nail too far.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I think that's part of what people have done is cut it too far, or you keep cutting it flat and it keeps growing in the sides.
SPEAKER_01:I'd let my fing my.
SPEAKER_03:As we get older, our nails just curled the fuck over, too, though. Yeah. But, anyways, so you stopped your addiction because of the colours. Well, it's not the addiction.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's more of a routine. Let's retrack. Let's retrack. Uh, you go to the the what is it called? Nail salon? Let's just give it a nail salon.
SPEAKER_04:Silver nails, generic Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, you shout out. I go. I think it's called Are you sure it's not called happy ending massage pilots? No. Nails, nails and endings. Okay, no, that's stupid. All right, so it's basically like your wife would be the one that goes to get nails done. But you every single month, for how many years have you got your toenails trimmed, bimmed, and shaved?
SPEAKER_04:Oh, probably six times a year. How many years? Well, I'm man. So more than you can remember. Pretty regularly, like maybe three or four. No way. I think it's longer than that.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, fine. I don't think it's an addiction, though. That's more of a routine, and that's also more of like Okay, fine.
SPEAKER_04:Let's get it. It's not even a routine. It's not like the third Monday of every month I go see Lily.
SPEAKER_03:But I think this brings up a point about addiction. Not all addictions are like negative or bad.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. That's why I said there's gonna be positive addictions, but some positive addictions can be negative towards your body. Like working too working out too much or taking something to uh amplify your workouts, basically uh implying that you're is this your way of pussy footing into telling us you're on roids?
SPEAKER_04:Do I look like I'm on roids? Well, not yet. You might have just started. I hope you just started.
SPEAKER_01:I've been taking them two years, not doing anything at all.
SPEAKER_03:Just putting on the weight, I'm gonna burn it off later, turn it into muscle.
SPEAKER_01:It's so weird. I don't have to work out, but my feet are fucking ripped. It's the strangest thing. Because I walk a lot. No, but yeah, they're right. There's negative and positive uh addictions. Uh for me, uh, I got a lot of addictions. First off, would be smoking, nicotine. Been doing that since I was a little kid. Drinking. Um swearing. That's gonna be an addiction. I don't know if that's an addiction. Okay. Um yeah, I mean, the main two things are drinking and and and smoking. That's the thing. The two things I can never kick since I started.
SPEAKER_03:So, what brought you to talk about this today here? You uh you trying to quit or not smoke, or does this have to do with the state of Wisconsin's ridiculous law now where you can't get vapes in our town?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was it was a tragedy for about a week. So I didn't take it serious. In Wisconsin, the governor of Wisconsin declared a no vape unless USDA approved vape was in.
SPEAKER_04:Uh oh, so this is a government getting their money thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I think so.
SPEAKER_01:And there's no vapes that are USDA approved.
SPEAKER_03:No, I got one. There are. Really? They just got some on the on the apparently there's this one, the one I got now, it's the guy at the I asked the guy at the vape store because I've been not vaping. What is the name of the vape? But I was like, I'm going camping. I'm gonna get a um It looks fucking crazy looking. You can't charge it, it tastes like trash. Uh, but it I think it's a tobacco derived nicotine. I don't know. That's strange.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so so it's not there's no like uh there's less liquid chemicals in it. I have no idea, dude.
SPEAKER_03:It looks weird. I just huffed the thing when I want to huff the thing. It's I'm addicted to the nicotine.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so I didn't tr I didn't believe it was gonna happen.
SPEAKER_03:All three of us are addicted to nicotine.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we all do it. We all do it. We try to, you know, keep it down. Have you talked to your kids about nicotine?
SPEAKER_04:Um well, he talks to me about about it more than I talk to him about it.
SPEAKER_03:I've taught I talk to my kid almost every day about it.
SPEAKER_01:So I give the I think I feel like I give the best example about what the uh the uh feeling is to be addicted to nicotine. Basically, have you ever um played a sport and ran around and got just like you were like after you're done, you're fucking thirsty as shit. I mean it's been a decade since I ran around like that, but yeah. You basically you I mean you're so thirsty you would drink from a puddle from the ground.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's only happened to me once in my life. It was the fall of 1987. I was in an intense two-day-long duck duck goose match. Why are you laughing?
unknown:Duck duck.
SPEAKER_03:I'm intently listening, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I am not anyway. The duck goosed around the circle for almost two hours. I could not catch him. You know, he could have laughed me if he wanted. I was the fat kid, but yeah, I would I would have literally drank the sweat off the back of my neck.
SPEAKER_01:I'm only laughing, Chris, because I'm envisioning it in my head, and I can see totally running and running. Stop! Slow down. Oh, Titty's slapping me in my chin. No, but basically, this is what it is. You're so thirsty, but when you finally get that drink of water, it's it's that's the feeling of getting that hit of nicotine. Not having the drink of water, like needing it and seeing it in front of you and taking the drink, that's the feeling of nicotine withdrawal and then actually getting hit. Does that make sense? Do you remember the last time you were that thirsty? I don't. Well, then try it sometime. Go fucking work out and then be like, it's like every morning I wake up, dude.
SPEAKER_03:I wake up extremely thirsty.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so then basically that would be the the nicotine uh addiction to nicotine.
SPEAKER_03:I feel like the way I would explain nicotine addiction is that life is pretty rough as it is, right? So we go around and everything's irritating for the most part. I mean, in general, right? You you're a perfect life, there's no irritations. Perfect life doesn't exist, right? So when you're when like everything is irritating you to the point where like you're about to yell at your kid for tying their shoes the wrong way, because it's not how you would do it. Yeah. If you had a if you go like just give me a second and take some nicotine in, come back, it's like it's everything's okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's kind of like more like a release than actually being addicted to a certain type of chemical, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_03:And I'm not even sure it's is it the nicotine? Is nicotine really that bad for you? I've heard nicotine actually has a lot of good health benefits. I what the hell are you reading?
SPEAKER_01:Uh it does. It fucks up it fucks up your uh your your blood flow through your body. Does it fuck it up or does it fix it?
SPEAKER_03:It fucks it up. I think it fixes it. It's always it restricts the blood flow. Sweet, sweet nicotine is like, don't worry, bro. I got you.
SPEAKER_01:I'll fix your shit up. It restricts the flow of blood through your body. Um it ages you can't.
SPEAKER_04:But that's my quickly. That's one of my biggest problems is all the blood flow. To your dick. Yeah, I'm sick of walking the streets with a rock hard cock. Like I need the nicotine to keep it down.
SPEAKER_03:So what about so okay. Nicotine is definitely something. I would say uh what percentage of people do you think are nicotine addicted?
SPEAKER_04:I would say it's while we're in the 30s.
SPEAKER_01:Are we gonna do are we gonna do an age group or just 30% of people altogether with everyone? I think I think well, I don't know. I wouldn't say 30, no way. I bet that's I bet it is.
SPEAKER_03:We're three of three here. Look, that's like saying three out of Does your wife smoke or use nicotine or not? Not at all. Does yours? Nope. Mine does not. Okay, so that's like saying 10 people out of six. Yeah, it's like, but I mean, I'm just saying. Why think about this way we don't hang out outside here. It's not like we have the same click.
SPEAKER_04:Every every fucking person I see under 30 but over 15 is fucking vaping. Or putting zins in their lip. That's totally different, man.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's like a popularity and then uh being part of the trend.
SPEAKER_04:You asked how many people use nicotine. I'm talking about the entire I think it's zero to fucking a hundred. And then you get into that 30 to 50 range, and how many people you know fucking chew tobacco pouches? I miss nicotine. That's nicotine. But that's what I'm saying. Like, I know I know people that are hiding it from their families.
SPEAKER_03:Sure, sure.
SPEAKER_04:I know I know tons of people that fucking use them little nicotine pouches. Yeah, and then you look and then you get into the older age group, and every single one of them fucking people smoked their whole lives. So a big majority of them still do.
SPEAKER_03:I was gonna say that the people who've been smoking for so long, their face looks like leather, and they're like, you could tell they used to go that they're like used to ride their motorcycle and like rip a pack of smokes up in their shoulder sleeve. Those guys when they still do that. Those guys when they switch and are vaping on these little pink and fruity fucking things, it is hilarious.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so when I was when I was like 14 or 15, I was dating this girl. She smoked, I didn't. And I can never I could never understand why her fucking breath smelled and tasted so bad. I mean, I'm not sure. I'm stupid, yeah. I mean, I thought maybe she just drank some nasty alcohol. Because we were yeah we drank two. But like it it didn't click. It didn't click at all. It didn't click at all. I don't know why it didn't click, but it didn't. I just always call her shit breath. And but you continued to date her? Uh it was, you know, when you're young, it's everything that's dating is like a monster. Head game strong. What does that mean? Head game strong? Yeah, what does that mean? Oh, ask your kid when you get home. It's a it's a young term. Like 76. Is it 76 or 67? I think it I think it's uh 67, right? 67. Yeah, and what does that mean? I nobody knows.
SPEAKER_03:Nobody knows nobody, nobody's so serious.
SPEAKER_01:I learned this recently.
SPEAKER_04:Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. I know I had I had volleyball carpool for my kid uh month or Tuesday this week, and uh I picked them all up in uh the caddy, the convertible. So I had three kids in the back and then mine in the front, and the three kids in the back, it was their first time ever in a convertible, so they didn't know how to act, so they were doing a lot of arms in the air, like fucking breaking them backwards and talking to the drivers next to us, like like they couldn't do that with a rolled down window.
SPEAKER_03:It's totally different though.
SPEAKER_04:And every single person that they talk to, the conversation either started or ended with 6'7.
SPEAKER_03:I gotta know what that is. I had I had to have this conversation with these kids. I'm like, all right, you don't know what it is, I don't know what it is. I don't say six seven. They're like, well, it's because you're fucking old, boomer. And I said, No, because I think it's important to realize you shouldn't use terminology you don't know the meaning of, because you could be saying something absolutely ridiculous, and others could be offended by what you're saying, and you don't even know. So now they don't say six seven anymore because they don't know what it means.
SPEAKER_01:Back to the topic. So, but those are those are hardcore addictions, the the drugs, alcohol, and and smoking. Sure. But I'm talking about now I want to like delve back into the addiction slash uh habit forming things that you can't get out, like fucking scratching your head every once in a while. Or you know, while you're watching a movie. I play with my hair as long as I'm watching a movie. That's how I concentrate. Basically, like fiddling with something is another addiction, or could it be a just the random thing I do too? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you're doing it, although you're you don't even realize you're doing it, right?
SPEAKER_01:But it's not harmful unless I realize I'm doing it because my wife's slapping my hand every fucking time I get a chance to get in there, get in there.
SPEAKER_03:So like people chew their nails and shit too. Yeah, that's another one. My kids do that, it's disgusting.
SPEAKER_04:So so there was this guy. Um I I dealt with him a long time ago. He owned a little flooring store. I used to buy stuff from him. Was it little? I got my I got my little brother a job there. So my brother worked there for a couple years, and uh this this guy was a fucking great guy. And uh it was, you know, out kinda in a country little suburb, and uh like a real a real cheap area, people didn't spend a lot of money, like a lot of country people, and uh this guy had a fucking nervous tick, and all he did was deal with people, you know, at his store, customers. What's his what was his nervous tick? His nervous tick was anytime he talked to anybody after like ten seconds, his hand would slowly come up and he would just start picking his nose while he was talking to you.
SPEAKER_01:Get the fuck out of here.
SPEAKER_04:I could call my brother and verify this right now. No way. This yes way.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, wait, wait. So you when you say nervous tick, like he had a confrontation with someone, and that was his way to relieve the it it was anybody. If you started talking to him right now about fishing, so it's not nervous, like an actual conversation that he actually wanted to converse with you about something he liked, he'd start picking his nose.
SPEAKER_04:Anytime I I don't know what the fuck it was, but anytime you started talking to him, a finger just slowly went to his fucking nostril. There are things every fucking time. Did you ever try grabbing his?
SPEAKER_01:I don't think he even realized he was doing it. Did you ever try grabbing his hand and take take slowly taking away from his nose? Did it go right back to his nose?
SPEAKER_04:I I never tried it. Um I don't believe that. I should probably meet up with him. I don't believe that.
SPEAKER_03:It's a fact. You have a video of it? He's grabbing his phone. People will do things like that, like uh when they're talking. Some people will like play with their fingers and roll them together. They're not picking the nose of it, playing with the fingers. Not even realizing they're doing it.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well, that I guess maybe, but that's not an addiction. That's more of a I'm sure you would rather not do it. What would you call that then? If it's something you can't concentrate. It's an addiction, though. Because you're not doing it to satisfy satisfies Jesus Christ. Can you talk? You can't concentrate.
SPEAKER_03:Satisfy something. Yeah, but you can't concentrate on a movie without playing with your hair. This guy can't concentrate on having a conversation with your hair.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but I know I'm playing with my hair.
SPEAKER_03:He probably knows too, but it just happens. You can't stop.
SPEAKER_01:There's no way.
SPEAKER_03:Why? There's no way. Why? Picking your nose isn't that gross.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not saying it's gross, but there's no way you you don't know you're picking your nose. It's impossible. Keep an eye on that. And I would I would tell I would say something. I don't know why you haven't said anything to him. I I don't know. This is fucking ridiculous.
SPEAKER_04:It is ridiculous. It's the most ridiculous. You're ridiculous. And I think the thing is, is nobody ever told him he even does it.
SPEAKER_00:Pretty late.
SPEAKER_04:Unless he's having a conversation with somebody in front of a mirror. His mom and how would he know? His parents are like, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:We're used to it. Thanks for coming over to our house for dinner. Oh, by the way, Timmy kind of picks his nose when he talks. Just ignore it.
SPEAKER_01:Does he do it when he does anything? Like when he's eating? Uh I don't know. I never ate with him. But I think that's hard. That's hard to believe. You've eaten it with everyone I've ever met.
SPEAKER_03:It's coming from a guy who can't eat in front of people.
SPEAKER_04:That's another your d another one of your addictions, not being able to eat in front of people.
SPEAKER_01:I would say that's that's an adverse addiction. That would be a negative addiction.
SPEAKER_03:I'm trying to think. Because I I think like that's like more too looks at like habits, right? You'd be more habit. Like you do it by habit, you do it because you kind of have to, like a tick, like a thing. Like Tony, we talked once in this podcast about how you get dressed in the morning, and Tony has the exact same thing every time. And I will sometimes notice that, like, oh, for four days in a row, I've put underpants on, then my t-shirt, then my pants. Let's switch it up and put on the pants and then go grab a t-shirt. Wait, pants underwear? Switch it. So, like, I a lot of people have these things. I don't know if I do, but I bet you if you ask my wife, she'd be like, Oh, but what about this? And what about that? Because she sees me doing these things. The less the non-harmful stuff that are like kind of like of an addiction or like the non-harmful, non-invasive to others things that you do. Unless someone's telling you, you don't even realize you're doing them.
SPEAKER_01:I will say that one thing that my wife that my wife has told me that I do that I never noticed I do is before I swallow, I'll chew really quickly, like and then swallow. Like every time. And I've never noticed that. So, yes, uh, that makes sense. Okay. But come on, that's literally basically in it's not visual to chew really quickly and swallow.
SPEAKER_04:Visually picking your nose. Does your wife just like nonstop follow you around and tell you everything that's wrong that it's wrong with everything you do? Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, there are uh see, my wife thinks I do that to her, and I don't feel like I do. I can see you doing that there. You do it to me. I do work on it. Do it to me. I do it to Jay.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, all the time. I'm like, every time I see you, you're like, Jay, how you doing? Get taller. Yeah, you should really work on your height. It's gross. You work on your height. Jay, how are you doing today? Whoa, you got a little taller today. Oh no, you're wearing shoes.
SPEAKER_03:But the wife will the one, I mean, that's the other part of it is that, yeah, if your wife was here, Tony, or your wife, Jay, that we are mine, and they would tell us.
SPEAKER_01:They're like, this is a great podcast where if our wives listen, they'll be in their head going, no, you gotta tell them about how you imagine, imagine if we bring our wives to our podcast and had a podcast with them, the conversations that would happen. Or if they would let it happen. I think they would back off and be nervous to say anything.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think so. Not yours? Nah.
SPEAKER_01:My wife would, unless you got like her angry. I think she's asked. If you got her angry, she'd be she'd let you know. Kate's asked to be a part of the podcast. She can come whenever she wants. No, she can't. Okay, and she can never come. Never ever. Never.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Trying to think of it. I don't know, but yeah. So a long time ago, we on one of our various podcasts. Like last month. Um when we talked about morning routines and and things like that. And I brought up the fact that my morning routine is identical every day, regardless of where I am, what I'm doing. I I shit the same way.
SPEAKER_01:Let me ask you this, Rogue, before you finish that.
SPEAKER_03:For those at home, Tony faces the tank.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. You know why I think that's so funny? Because I'm visualizing it right now. Yeah. And he has a mirror behind his toilet. Like, he's looking at doing a good job today, boy.
SPEAKER_04:Today's your day.
SPEAKER_01:Fuck, I forgot what I was gonna say. Go ahead. Finish Tony. But uh, you know maybe fucking get off track.
SPEAKER_04:I do I do everything identically every fucking day. You know, I wake up, hit my vape, go to the bathroom, take a shit, turn on the shower.
SPEAKER_01:Is it at the exact same situation?
SPEAKER_04:Well that's the same time. Well that's no, not at the same time. No, I'm saying like you wake up at the same time. No. Okay. Uh I start up the shower, and while that's getting warm, I brush my teeth, then I get into the shower, then I dry off, I get dressed the same way every time. And Chris told me I'm a fucking lunatic and that he mixes it up.
SPEAKER_03:And uh, I'm in the minority, I think. I I think most people do.
SPEAKER_04:So there was there was like a long stretch of time where I tried doing my routine differently, where I like tried breaking my routine. Because I'm like, well, if Chris can do it, anybody can when you say long stretch, how long like two days in a row. Seem like an eternity. But you know, like I tried putting on my socks before my underwear, and I'm just like, this doesn't feel right. Well, that's weird. And I got yeah, you don't want to go ill logic.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you get you always gotta pick the socks last.
SPEAKER_04:Well, I don't see a more logical way to do it. I mean, I'm not gonna take a shit after I take a shit. But you know, like the other day I put on my shirt before my pants, and I was like, the fuck am I doing right now?
SPEAKER_03:I do that every day. That's crazy. That's nearly that is normal. No, normal behavior for me is to with the dressing, it's grab the underpants, then a t-shirt. I feel like something's wrong. And then I get myself together, and then actually my work shirt, my overshirt, does go on nearly last typically.
SPEAKER_01:I feel something was wrong with me because if I find my shirt, it does whatever I find first, I put on. Yeah, you got a weird pile system. When I wa when I go to bed, I take my clothes off and not throw them. Uh I slightly throw them around. Not throw. Say that twice though. You just put them where I don't remember when then when I find them, I put them back on in separate.
SPEAKER_02:Um what happened when you went into that?
SPEAKER_04:It just didn't feel right, so now I know that I'm addicted to my morning routine. You can't change it. I can't change it.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so then there you go. You have an addiction that you didn't even know you well, you know you had it, but we're making light here at the crackest.
SPEAKER_04:I figured that the things that I do in the morning in the order in which I do them are just completely normal.
SPEAKER_01:Well, they say uh what what's the word for it? Something about animal of habitat? No. Creature of habit. Of habit?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I don't like I hate I don't hate much, but it's like you're so close.
SPEAKER_01:I was so far off, but you guys know what I'm talking about because it's my language.
SPEAKER_03:When I find something creature of habit is starting to become repetitive, I intentionally try to change it. Oh no, I love the repetition. I'm no see I'm addicted to repetition.
SPEAKER_04:You heard it here first.
SPEAKER_03:So I'll say, like, since I had this new car, I always put my backpack in the back seat. So I go to the front door, unlock it with my hand, go into the back seat, put the put the backpack on the back seat, close the backseat door, get into the front seat on a separate door.
SPEAKER_04:You're you're like an executive at a large company. Sure. And it's funny that in in this day and age, uh, printed t-shirts and backpacks have replaced suits and briefcases.
SPEAKER_03:But I I even like the last few days, I'm like, I gotta do something different here. I don't want to keep doing it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, but you don't want to you don't want to take the chance of sliding that backpack against your fine Corinthian leather.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I know. So like what you know, front seat was my first thought. Like, I'll just put it in the passenger seat as I get in. But then I'm wisping this backpack across all of this.
SPEAKER_04:Who knows? One of your carabiners might get caught in a leather seat. Exactly. You never know.
SPEAKER_03:So I think I'm gonna go trunk next.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, no, you gotta go trunk, but. The other part is I've realized no, then you lift up the floor mat and put it by the spare tire. No, I see how that feels.
SPEAKER_03:See, I was thinking to myself too. Then I was like, why the hell am I carrying this backpack around? Every single time I go to work, I put it now in a new spot because I got sick of the old spot, but I put it down and I don't think I ever really go in it. I really don't need it. I really want to. Emergency snacks and an extra pair of underwear. Exactly, basically. And so now I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna do is not carry the bag at all. See how it feels, dude. I don't know if you've seen my eyes there.
SPEAKER_04:They got crazy.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, they go out without extra pens, snaps, lens wipes, paper, pen.
SPEAKER_01:I wonder, like uh the three of us, you guys seem habit forming as far as rituals in the morning or things you do out throughout the day.
SPEAKER_03:I want to be as free as you. I I do not ever want to get into the Tony zone. So I find these I know the balls. You're gonna give me anxiety. I'm I see these things that have become routine. I'm like, oh fuck, I gotta change this shit before it becomes a habit.
SPEAKER_01:I kind of I'm a little jealous though, because I I have no uh I'm not a creature of habit as far as like rituals, as far as getting ready or doing things uh physically at all.
SPEAKER_03:There's gotta be some things that have been the same.
SPEAKER_01:I can't think about anything that I do that is.
SPEAKER_03:Like when you go to bed, do you like put your phone in the same spot plugged into the charger?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, the only thing I do is I plug it, I plug usually digs it out of a couch cushion in the morning. Um sometime most of the time I'm looking for my phone or and the cord because I have three cats again, and they fucking play with it and rip it apart and fucking I can't find it.
SPEAKER_04:I hope nobody from your building listens to this. They find out you got three cats and you own paid a security deposit on Walton.
SPEAKER_01:Do you not know that no one knows my name there? I'm James, Jared, and Jacob. No one knows my name is Jason. You're the only white guy there.
SPEAKER_03:James, Jacob.
SPEAKER_01:Jeremy, did you say? You're calling him Jeremiah. I'll tell you right now, I've I lost track of all the J's, but it's a J. That's the only thing they get right, is the J. They could just get rid of the letters in the screen. But yeah, uh I never have a routine as far as getting dressed, getting up, doing things in the morning, doing things before night. Everything is always different. Always a different time. Sometimes I'll play FIFA until midnight. Sometimes I'll I'll watch football till it's done and I'll fall asleep on the couch. Yeah, right now they're just playing right now. San Francisco and uh LA Chubb L.
SPEAKER_03:What about that addiction? Your gambling addiction.
SPEAKER_04:That that actually That's why he wanted to record this podcast and talk about his gambling addiction. So it must not be going good this year. Uh I watched both of these weird ass Packer games that happened, and you gotta be losing someone.
SPEAKER_01:No, I never been in the Packers. I won$500 last week. Coming from kind of lost. But I'm down like the week before. Already? Yeah. Yeah. It's only fourth week. It's four, it's week four. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Week five coming on week five. Anyway. Still a lot of weeks to redeem yourself. Go big or go home.
SPEAKER_01:But again, that's another habit that could be positive or negative. Like another gambling habit. It's always negative.
SPEAKER_04:If you're winning, even if you're winning, it's negative.
SPEAKER_03:I heard something about how you can easily double or triple or quadruple your money, but you can never lose more than a hundred percent. I mean, you can 400% win, but you can only 100% loss. I can't lose more than everything.
SPEAKER_01:Damn, Chris, that's gonna be my new slogan. I'm gonna tattoo that on my ass. I like that. I never heard that before, but that makes sense. I mean, it's true.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's awesome. You can put$100 on number six on a roulette table, and it'll hit, and you will win 32 times your money or 34 times your money. But you can only lose$100.
SPEAKER_01:You can't lose more than I'm gonna tell you, yes, how you can lose more than 100% of the game. That's not gambling. That's voting and federal sharking. And when you go on FanDuel and use a credit card to put money in your APR and you lose it all, yeah, there's a hundred percent. That's not true.
SPEAKER_03:That's not gambling, that's being an idiot.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, but that's over 100% right gone.
SPEAKER_03:That's not gambling less than more than 100%. But that makes sense, and I love that saying, Chris.
SPEAKER_01:The odds are in your favor, man. Gamble away, folks. But if you go into anywhere with cash, you're never gonna lose more than 100%. Okay. You can't, you literally can't.
SPEAKER_03:Is there a way? No, let's figure out. Except for being stupid and taking money you don't have, then yes. If you don't have it, you already are losing. You're you're like immediately here. Can I get a loan for three grand? You're immediately$3,000 in the hole. Immediately. So you're already lost. You're not gambling anymore, you're just being an idiot.
SPEAKER_01:So any so any smaller addictions or habits do you guys feel like that you have that I would like to know. Uh, because I want to know your habits.
SPEAKER_04:I'm addicted to codeine cough syrup. There you go. We call it lean. Who here is addicted to porn? Nah. Honestly, I have not watched porn in several years. Let me ask you why.
SPEAKER_01:Or let me ask you why I'm asking you. Why are you asking us, Jay? I want to know first.
SPEAKER_04:Tony, tell me why. I feel like I feel like porn uh kind of like fills a need that I don't need. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I've heard that if you watch too much porn, you can't get it up when you finally get to the situation that you want to get into.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, all of it, all of it is like, oh man, I can't wait for my mom to get remarried so I can get a hot stepsister. And there's too many like straight on giant shots.
SPEAKER_01:Somewhat shots? Makes you uncomfortable. Way.
SPEAKER_03:No, I would say people certainly a society, our society is addicted to sex and like sexual imaging. Like you can't watch two hours of TV without seeing, and probably even 20 minutes of TV, without seeing the commercial that's like completely sexual into.
SPEAKER_01:I want both of you to be honest about this. How many times have you clickbaited clicked something? What is clickbaited clicked?
SPEAKER_03:Like you see a picture where it's like a girl's boobs in the picture, so you click it to see what's more. Oh, every time. I mean, what are you what are you talking about, dude? You know when they were always like, don't go into the van just because the guy's got candy, kids.
SPEAKER_01:And how disappointed do you get when every time picture? No, that picture that you clicked on was never in the video.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, well, that happens in all kinds of things. That's not just sexual.
SPEAKER_01:That's like Tony, you're can't wait till you see this.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's just a good thumbnail.
SPEAKER_01:You're pretty quiet there, Tony. What about you?
SPEAKER_04:I don't click on shit on my phone.
SPEAKER_01:You just let the reels run? Yeah. So you're that you're a bandit? Just go. You're a real bandit. Just go. So you put them together, it's a real bandit. Meaning you just turn reels on and let them just let it go.
SPEAKER_04:You're a real bandit. Uh they keep going? Yeah, like I don't hand select the reels I want to. What's reels on? Face. But really, that's yeah. Anywhere you find reels. That's that's really the only thing I use. I mean, aside from phone calls, I could get rid of my phone.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's it's so fucking great that when I call or text you, you don't reply. I do reply. No, not right away. Ever. And when you do, if you ever do reply right away, you do I'll call you back in a minute. Like and then that's automated. Yeah, an automated text that you click and he doesn't call me back till the next day. And maybe not even until I call him back again.
SPEAKER_03:That should be a feature on those machines. Like your car will tell you, like, tell him to call back. You click it, whatever, to auto-reply. It should remind you. So he gets mad that actually my phone does remind you.
SPEAKER_01:Do you want to reply to this? It'll show up in my scan. So he gets mad that I don't go, I don't do stuff that he asks me to do. But like the simple thing of replying to a text or a phone call is a lot easier than showing up to a fucking party. I don't know. That's relative, bro.
SPEAKER_03:That is super relative. It's way easier for me to show up at a party than texting. Fucking bullshit. For sure.
SPEAKER_01:You are so full of cheap.
SPEAKER_03:I will way show up to the city.
SPEAKER_01:It's so much easier to show up to a party than it is to reply to a text or a phone call.
SPEAKER_03:People will be like, hey, I'm having a party on Saturday night. Swing by, here's the address, 8 30. Let me know if you're coming. So you don't reply. A crew of 10 together, go to that party and show up, and the guy will be like, Oh, I didn't know you were gonna come. I'd be like, I told you I was gonna come. I got all these people with me. No, you didn't reply. No, you didn't reply. I'll be like, oh shit, you know you're right. I just can't. Way easier to come to a party than to reply to a party invite. What do you say about this, Tony?
SPEAKER_04:I think you were slightly in your feelings because you agreed to come to my campground this weekend. Oh, yeah. And now immediately backpedaled when you knew the fucking date. Wait, no, because uh you told me it was not possible and not a fucking camper. And now you're using it as as a thing to say, well, it's you know, all you had to do was reply to me. It's not like you actually had to like physically go someplace and actually do something.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, but right now, what makes more sense? My argument or Chris's? I'm gonna say mine.
SPEAKER_04:I don't know. I don't know. Get the fuck out of here. Say the truth. There's no unreplied to text messages in my phone from you. I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, I didn't say unreplied, I said like days later. That is basically unreplied, in my opinion. That's definitely a reply. But that's uh Tony, I need to know something today, two days later. Oh yeah, this is the answer to that thing you need to know two days earlier.
SPEAKER_04:No, that's not a reply. Sorry, I'm gonna make an automatic text that I can assign. That just says I'm working on it, bro.
SPEAKER_03:I think the greatest addiction to circle back, sir, sure, is downloading top shelf stories podcasts. They're available everywhere everywhere.
SPEAKER_04:My phone knows I'm so addicted to this podcast that every two automatically downloads it.
SPEAKER_01:Here's the greatest thing is I asked them about the last two weeks of shows and I said, What did you think about our last week? Because you should listen to our show. It's your fucking show. What was the show? I don't what are you talking about? We have a show.
SPEAKER_03:I haven't listened to anything fantasy football podcast in probably two weeks, to be honest with you. Should be listening to your own show to take critiques. What'll happen is like I'm doing something in the yard or whatever, or doing something with the headphone in and listening to podcasts, and it'll go to like two or three different fantasy football ones, and then all of a sudden I'll hear this music, and it's my podcast coming into my ears. It's actually kind of cool because it's like, oh wow, I'm right up with these other guys from ESPN and CBS Sports or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:You know it. We picked the best music. We we had the best stories. What else do we do?
SPEAKER_03:What do we what else do we do? That's Top Shelf Stories Podcasts will cure your addictions. Oh my god, Chris, that's amazing. Listen to us every Tuesday for advice, hot takes, and some camaraderie.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, we'll do a separate podcast about my brief addiction to crack cocaine.
SPEAKER_03:Bangarade. That's a good one. For subscribers, hit the bell.
