Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
From Straight Razors To Atari: Chasing Childhood In The Wild
We trade stories about the objects and memories that pull us back, from a WWII razor set lost in a dice game to the stubborn hunt for an Atari Lynx. One of us keeps nothing, one of us keeps everything, and the argument lands on what nostalgia is really worth.
• sounds, smells, and simple triggers for memory
• the WWII cigarette trades and the seven-day razor set
• collecting rules and finding treasures in the wild
• Atari Lynx, Game Gear, and retro prices that shock
• Crash Test Dummies as joy machines built to break
• chromies, hood ornaments, and small-town heists
• storage costs, nine fridges, and the burden of stuff
• travel versus things and the price of experiences
• what we would actually pay to buy the past back
God damn it, give us a rating and review, please. We need like four more to be rated on a podcast that makes sense
Top shelf stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony Talking Tonic Tonic Tonic Ton's TV.
SPEAKER_02:What's up, everybody? What's up, Tony? Welcome to this week's episode of Top Shelf Stories. And today I want to talk about nostalgia. What does that mean? Like, are either one of you guys nostalgic about anything? Like from your childhood. Brad Farf.
SPEAKER_00:I like 80s music. 80s music sounds and and types that style. I get it. I get brings back nostalgia of like rad racer.
SPEAKER_02:Like things from your childhood. Like if you see it, there's just no way you're not buying it. Like it could be a funny.
SPEAKER_00:I'm not buying it. I don't buy shit. I ain't buying it.
SPEAKER_02:It could be a piece of candy you loved when you're a kid that you don't see very often.
SPEAKER_01:So I don't go to I don't go to garage sales often, but if I saw something like, say, remember that crazy looking blue creature that had handcuffs that would break them, and it was a movie made about him. If I saw that at a rummage sale, I don't remember his name. I would buy it. Are you talking about Grimace from McDonald's? No, no, no. I'm talking about something totally different. I don't remember the name. I'm saying, yes, if I saw something in my childhood, like Jurassic Park, even dude, fucking A would buy it.
SPEAKER_02:Like, you know, I go, I go to flea markets, I go to like antique stores.
SPEAKER_01:That's the problem.
SPEAKER_02:I don't go to those stores. I go to like um me and my my buddy Aaron will stop at like little like toy stores, shit like that. And uh dude goes crazy anytime he sees like a Transformer action figure. And and they're like, you know, 90 bucks a piece now. And he's like, Well, there's no way I'm paying, but he is like, you know, I want to see you.
SPEAKER_01:And they're missing an arm, they're missing fucking parts, they're scratched up, but half burnt. Yeah. And they're still ninety dollars.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know. Nostalgic. I don't I'm not not for things.
SPEAKER_02:Well, for like what was your favorite movie when you were a kid? For sounds, you you just hear you just hear uh fucking Jim Carrey doing the most annoying sound in the world, and you're like, oh for sure. Better time of my life.
SPEAKER_00:Oh for sure. Audio sounds and clips and stuff like that definitely take me back.
SPEAKER_01:Chris, you are above your years because you can't buy that's not uh tangible.
SPEAKER_00:I don't want things, I don't want tangible things. Okay, I hate I don't like stuff. So I have a bunch of crap and I don't want any of it. So I don't like it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'm I'm very much so anything like householdy that we don't use anymore, like I'm the first to get rid of it. I'm too cheap. I'm too cheap to get rid of it, but I don't want any more of it. I agree. But but there's certain things like uh like so I collect a bunch of shit. And it's all shit that has to do with something from my life.
SPEAKER_01:Is there a collection that you have that you haven't completed, and what is it?
SPEAKER_02:Well, no collections ever actually complete. Well, there always is a collection that can be completed.
SPEAKER_00:I collected baseball cards, and if you got all of them, all three hundred and ninety-five cards. Well, if you had all three hundred and ninety-five of the tops 1999 baseball sets, you had all of them.
SPEAKER_02:There were no collected for only that year, but then there's a different name for different.
SPEAKER_00:What do they call that? They call that a different collection.
SPEAKER_02:A series. A series. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:I guess uh you the word series does kind of put me back into the it's all collecting, and that's just a series you've collected.
SPEAKER_01:God damn, baseball and basketball cards were the bitch. I fucking I would every every dollar I got.
SPEAKER_00:Where are they? I still have them. You have them? Yeah. Where? In your closet?
SPEAKER_01:Uh I have them in a box in store. In your parents' storage. You pay for storage? No, no. I have I have three storage places in my actually, no, I do. I I pay for storage, but I don't put uh You pay for storage. Oh, that's for storage? That's for work. Yeah. He pays for storage look at his storage.
SPEAKER_02:The whole fucking We are at his storage. My whole life is paying for storage. I guess, yeah. And running refrigerators. Well, you gotta you know, if you if you add up the refrigerators and freezers that are running right now that you all are. I am paying for. I am paying for nine separate units of refrigerator.
SPEAKER_00:You're talking the one up north, too?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I got I got two at my campground.
SPEAKER_00:Does those count?
SPEAKER_02:I got I got a standalone refrigerator.
SPEAKER_01:Did anyone ever tell you that if more shit that's in your fridge, the less it has to run? So basically, your fridge is here, have nothing but leftover food and fucking weirdly napkins. I don't know why you put napkins in the fridge.
SPEAKER_00:That's true, Jay.
SPEAKER_01:That's what they say. Because it holds the temperature.
SPEAKER_00:It's sort of true if you're opening and closing in it all the time, because yes, why wouldn't it make sense?
SPEAKER_01:Back in the day, they used to put ice on the top of a fridge to cool everything below. So basically, it's the same concept that it is would be to cool the fridge. How many backs in the fridge that get cool inside hard?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you're right, right. But you're wrong on that side. Fine, I'm wrong. If you're opening it up and closing it all the time and it's full of shit, yes, it's gonna stay colder because you're not removing the never opening it, but if you're never opening it and it's just sitting there, so then it's not gonna my theory is correct. Sort of.
SPEAKER_01:You just don't want to say yes.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, Tony, sorry. I'm neutral on this. An empty refrigerator is never opened.
SPEAKER_01:In a full refrigerator never is closed. Then what? Is this sold?
SPEAKER_02:So there's an earlier motherfucker.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Tony, go ahead.
SPEAKER_02:How many refrigerators you got? Nine. Nine in total.
SPEAKER_00:I got Jesus Christ. I got two in a mini fridge inside of a camper and it doesn't work. It's not on ever. It turns on. Oh no, I'm wrong. I'm paying for ten. Jesus Christ, that's insane. Because you got one at your brother's house or something.
SPEAKER_02:No, I got one at the showroom, two here. He's got one at your house, Chris. You don't even know about it. There's only two here? Yeah. There's only two here. Little one? Yep. Uh, I got two at my campground, one in the shed, one in my one in my camper.
SPEAKER_00:That one in the shed's gotta work pretty fucking hard, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_02:I'm sure. All right, you got a lot of fridges. Okay, then get on. I got a standalone refrigerator, standalone freezer, my garage. All right, you get on with it. Beverage freezer in the basement, standard refrigerator in the kitchen, and then I got a refrigerator in my room. We get it, we get it. Yeah, that's a lot of fucking refrigerators.
SPEAKER_01:You're a cold motherfucker.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. But uh so through my childhood, there there's been a lot of things, but uh I like to think everything in my life now is based around um my grandfather, stories he's told me, things that he's done in his life. Uh I feel like I worked pretty hard to be as good of a person as he is.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you so you looked up to your grand grandfather on your your uh ma's side or your dad's side? Ma's.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so you looked up to your grandfather. So the uh grandfather on my dad's side was very much so like Frank from Shameless. And my dad is also very much like Frank from Shameless. The apple doesn't fall far from, so to speak. This apple fell pretty far. My dad had his whole life ruined by the time he was my age.
SPEAKER_01:I'm saying your grandfather and your father, but you, yes, you changed the course of apples.
SPEAKER_02:So so my grandfather told me this story several times throughout my years, and it led it led to me collecting straight razors. You collect straight razors? Yeah. Alright, like really any old-timey barbering stuff, but primarily straight razors.
SPEAKER_01:Straight razors were the thing. I mean, this it dates back to what the 1700s? Dude. I I am so fucking obsessed. So what is date back to?
SPEAKER_02:I was so guessing.
SPEAKER_00:Neanderthal times, dude. They were sharpening rocks and shaving hair since day one.
SPEAKER_02:I haven't found any sharpened rocks. Chris loves that.
SPEAKER_01:Chris is barefooted and he's fucking laughing.
SPEAKER_02:But uh, yeah, the store the story's based around my grandfather uh in uh Germ, you know, World War II. Yeah. Okay. And being stationed in Germany. He's a Nazi? Yeah. Yeah. Lutherskagen? That's the side he was on. He was an Italian Nazi. He was their cook. Did that sound loved possible?
SPEAKER_01:Did that sound both like Italian and German at the same time?
SPEAKER_02:So uh he said that the military provided them with so many cigarettes while they were over there that they couldn't smoke them all. But the Germans uh there was like a shortage on cigarettes, like they couldn't get cigarettes, so they would trade all the military guys cigarettes for all kinds of stuff. I think I think my grandpa got a lot of pussy off some cigarettes over there. Really? But uh he basically filled up this whole gunny sack full of items he got trading for cigarettes, and then on the boat ride on the way home, he lost everything in that bag gambling. Quick, you said straight razors, right? So he f he had he was telling me about the straight razor kit he got, and he was like, Oh, it was a mahogany box, and you opened it up and it was purple velvet, and there was a slot for seven straight razors in it, and every one of them had a bone handle, and inscribed in a handle was the day of the week, and he is like it wasn't like a straight razor kit you would ever use, it was like strictly a showpiece, like polished, handmade, absolutely gorgeous, and he lost it rolling dice on the boat after trading it for heaters courtesy of the US government. Yeah, right. And uh uh so long story short, um the dawn of eBay comes around, and this is a story, and and there were other things involved in that story, but I just always remember the straight razor kit that he lost, and I searched for it for the first couple years, like eBay was a thing. It really got popular, and uh I ended up finding it. The same exact one. I ended up finding his and it you know, he told me he had lost it to a guy in Ohio, and I asked my grandfather what that uh what that guy's name was, and he remembered that guy and told me that guy's name, and it was a different first name, same last name. Interesting. And I found it on eBay, and uh the guy was asking$750 for this set. And uh That's only like six packs of eaters. And my my grandfather looked at it, you know, you'd think at this time he'd be like, Oh my god, you found this relic. Like, I tell this story all the time, like that's crazy. And my cheap ass grandpa looks at it and he goes, I only gave a guy three smokes for that thing. He's like, no way I would pay it. And I was fucking poor at the time, so do you want to hear a quick fun fact?
SPEAKER_01:I just looked at the most expensive straight razor on eBay today. Okay, so it's basically a Western straight razor from Nagamahasisi. It's it's Japanese and it goes for$7,500. Yeah. So that's the most expensive one without a case, just the fucking straight up straight razor.
SPEAKER_03:Interesting.
SPEAKER_01:$7,500. So that I mean that's a lot, but that's not like life-changing. But go ahead.
SPEAKER_02:No, so so I got this thing now since I was probably in my late twenties. Anywhere I go, an antique store, uh flea market or whatever, if I see one, I'll buy it.
SPEAKER_01:But remember, you're never gonna get involved in Sony Japanese.
SPEAKER_02:And here's the thing with it. Here's the thing with it. Like, I won't even go, I won't even buy them like off the internet, like find a super cool one. With me, all these things that I buy and collect, like, I have to find them in the wild. I I like how you say that wild. Fucking, it's cheating. You know, that it was like a couple weeks ago when you said, oh, the guy's website who sells these concert posters. So you won't buy it. It would be it would be super weird to just go buy a concert poster to something you haven't been to. Sure. You know, and I just feel like buying something off a off of eBay or some somebody's old collect collection of something. It's not like you finding it or doing the work to get it. So I have this like strict policy about it, but I I bet you I have 150 of them at home. Jesus. Like I've bought so many of them. I bet you I've bought in 40 this summer. Where do you store these straight razors? And cigar boxes. And where do you store these cigar boxes? Several cigar boxes full of them. Where do you store these cigar boxes? Smoke all the cigars, man. In my I buy those at flea markets. Uh I actually keep it in my rather large um some would call it a gun safe, but I'm not gonna own a gun. So in my in my uh safety. My straight razor safe.
SPEAKER_01:It's like uh it's a knockoff from from uh yeah, Kevin Hart's gun compartment.
SPEAKER_02:But so I got I got this other thing I've been looking for for almost 20 years, and I still have never found it. I'm looking for an Atari Lynx. The video game system? Yes. Oh, you're not gonna find that in the wild. How do you spell it?
SPEAKER_00:L Y N X. I don't think that you should. You're not gonna find that in the wild. Electronics don't go out in the wild. They get brought in serviced and rehomed. They get rehomed through the internet. You gotta go where the prey is. You're trying to hunt for alligators in the open prairies.
SPEAKER_02:I'll never buy one on eBay.
SPEAKER_00:You're not gonna find one anymore. All right, so I found you. You lost it, dude. Found you on the internet in 30 seconds. Wow. So if you tell me if you tell me where his rummage sale is, I'll go buy it. The guy won't put it out because he puts it. Anyone that gets found in the rummage sale is gonna be underpriced and broken. You're gonna want the one that got brought into the video game exchange and then got bought by the nerdy guy who gave it to his kid, who worked it up and crippled it up, and then I saw it on eBay.
SPEAKER_01:This guy's got uh looks like 200 games with the console. Uh, guess how much he's charging?$68,400. Well, you're not even close at all, Tony. Would you like to try?
SPEAKER_02:Uh I don't know,$450.
SPEAKER_01:$6,000 or best offer. Yeah, I didn't know they fucking made this thing. Lynx, you said? Yeah, I owned one for example.
SPEAKER_02:The box kind of looks pretty cool. I owned one for exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, it's in the box though, bro?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:What is it? A handheld? Yeah. With the display? Yeah. Uh-huh. From one for is it black and white little seven-inch.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I scot it. No, no, it's color. They show color here. Mrs. Packer. When was this 90s?
SPEAKER_00:I think it's maybe 16-bit. So it's right before Sega?
SPEAKER_01:Hey, sorry, when was Atari when was Atari's links made?
SPEAKER_02:Damn. Siri knows your stutter? Atari Links was published in 1999. 89.
SPEAKER_01:89.
SPEAKER_02:Published?
SPEAKER_01:Well, then fine, 90. I don't know if I can know. It was around 90s.
SPEAKER_02:So I I got it in 99. So it must have been like the last thing they made. I got it in like 92. I never even. What games did you have?
SPEAKER_01:Was it the first handheld?
SPEAKER_02:No. No, no, it couldn't have been because it was fucking color. So after Game Boy, um, and now it's it's they had the Sega Game Gear or something. It was called it wasn't called Game Game Cast, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Sega Game Gear.
SPEAKER_00:No, they had a Game Cast. That was a console thing. The Game Gear. It's a Game Gear. Game Gear. That's shit, but that thing was legit.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So it was Atari's like knockoff of Game Gear. Interesting. Well, did they have a guy?
SPEAKER_00:Because you know, Nintendo's got Mario, Sega has Sonic. PlayStation has Crash Bandicoot. Hey, fuck that. They got asteroids.
SPEAKER_01:Fuck the Atari Game Gear. Game Gear 200 bucks without no games. I didn't have a Game Gear. I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_02:I'm not nostalgic about that.
SPEAKER_00:So you can spend for an Atari Lynx with 10 games, green condition, same color you had. Black?
SPEAKER_02:That's all there was. So if I find if I find one with no game, it's still it came with a soft case.
SPEAKER_00:Doesn't work.
SPEAKER_02:Comes with a soft case and still fires up no games. I would pay$500. That sounds about reasonable, about the price it should be.
SPEAKER_00:What would you do for two?
SPEAKER_01:I don't think I would ever play it.
SPEAKER_00:Then why do you need it to turn it on?
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. Tony wants to hang it on the wall next to every fucking case.
SPEAKER_00:It's a soft case.
SPEAKER_02:It was like a little pouch. It was like a little zippered pouch. It's like a guitar.
SPEAKER_00:It has to be the Atari one. Yeah. Can't be like a no knockoff.
SPEAKER_02:Only that. Huh. 500 bucks. 500 bucks. For what? I don't care if it has a game or not.
SPEAKER_01:I'm gonna tell you what I would call a lot of money for. Uh do you guys remember ever remember the uh so-called crash test dummies? Mm-hmm. You would I the ones from the commercial that talk to each other? Yeah. But the crash test dummies were my most favorite toy because I would launch those things off the toy, was it? I would launch those, I would launch those things off the highest fucking stairs or steps I could, and they would just explode into a million parts. And I put them back together, walk up the stairs, and do it again. So they were action figures that exploded on impact? Yes. Crashed test dummies. And they're just crash test dummies, but they were the fucking funniest. Did they have a whole bunch of different ones? Yeah, they had two times. Are they like Barbie sized? Like you could take one, put it together, and like you you pinch it a certain way, and then it explodes. Like a Barbie sized toy, like a wrestler guy? Uh no, not that big. Uh ten times bigger, life size. Fuck you, fuck you. A quarter the size of a Barbie. But you you would put them in their car and you would just launch them somewhere, and they would just like I would see him hit every step on the way down, just fucking breaking apart. I don't remember. And just the devastation of it made me excited. I fucking love it.
SPEAKER_02:You know this toy? I've I've never seen those, but now that's something I'm never gonna stop looking for. So you can't find them.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm not gonna buy it. That's the hardest thing to find.
SPEAKER_00:I've been looking at that for if I was at a rummage sale and had 60 bucks in my pocket, okay, 60 bucks at a rummage sale, and I found an A-track machine with four speakers and like uh one of those clamshell case things with a bunch of A-tracks layered in it, like 10 or 12 different A-track machines, uh, A-track discs or whatever they're called, cartridges. I would pay$20 for that. Over$20, I would grab my wife and be like, Oh, I used to have one like this, and she would say, That's cool. And I would keep walking.
SPEAKER_01:What do you got? Okay, so each each crash test dummy that I looked on eBay is like$40. So this is the my favorite crash test dummy they had, and this definitely would not go good today as 2025 is. There's a crash test dummy, child. Oh wow.
SPEAKER_00:I thought it was gonna be It's a kid in a stroller.
SPEAKER_01:Push your hard kid against the fucking wall and chick explode. It's amazing.
SPEAKER_02:I honestly thought you were gonna show me somebody of color.
SPEAKER_01:So no, I don't crash test dummies are always like pale.
SPEAKER_00:I'd have to have 60 bucks in order to spend the 20, though, is the point of telling you how much I had. For something I would I used, I loved that thing. I bought an A-track machine for probably$2 at a rummage sale. And I set it up in my basement and put the four-way speakers and it played Whole Lot of Love by Led Zeppelin on a quad surround before surround sound was a thing, dude. And it was woo-woo through the different but I I I can't get into the like the nostalgia. I love seeing it, and I like to point it out like, oh, this shit, I used to have one of these, but I wouldn't get it again. I guarantee I don't know if I could spend real now money with old memory.
SPEAKER_01:If you asked a hundred people 40 years old, 100 people, a 98 of them would be like, Yes, if I had the chance to buy this and I would pay a lot for it, I would do it more than you know, like for what?
SPEAKER_00:Just like even the A-track machine, I'd be like, Oh, I can get this. I know someone who would buy it from me.
SPEAKER_01:What's the only thing better than bringing you back to your childhood than actually having something that was in your childhood?
SPEAKER_02:And and see, as I think I feel like aside from Chris, every generation goes through this with stuff because so if you remember like Aside from me, I solely me, no one else in the world.
SPEAKER_01:You're acting like you don't care.
SPEAKER_00:I'm wondering if I do somehow, but I I did think about how I hit a bump today and how cool it would have been if my CD would have skipped 16 seconds later. But I have no desire to purchase an ESP skip protection Walkman disc player, you know, little cartridge thing with the tape deck to put in my car.
SPEAKER_02:It's like every generation gets more and more things, and and no, like my kids now they're probably not gonna give a fuck about anything when they get older because they don't have everything.
SPEAKER_00:Well, they don't have anything, they it's all digital download codes.
SPEAKER_02:Dude, my kids have so many tangible items in the house, and they really there's too many of them, they could really give two fucks. Like, and maybe this is why, because I grew up so poor and I had so material things, and you grew up like borderline wealthy and had so wrong.
SPEAKER_03:Bullshit.
SPEAKER_00:Dude, I encourage you to talk to my dad about it.
SPEAKER_02:My dad was just some minimum wage scientist barely scraping by.
SPEAKER_00:I very highly encourage you to talk to my dad about it.
SPEAKER_02:I think me and Pat will be having this conversation.
SPEAKER_00:My dad will tell you that he Well, it's connect it. Call him. We lived on a game of my dad would get paid, and he showed me this because he wanted me to understand the value of dollar, and he would get the money, and then he would put it in envelopes, and he'd go up with the multiple. The mortgage, the water bill, the phone bill, the car, the insurance, and then there was like$25 for like soda Christmas chips.
SPEAKER_01:What would be the chance of you actually getting your dad on the phone and now? Yeah, and Tony talking to him. Uh it's not that late. I'm gonna be with him this weekend. Yeah, Tony's gonna be there next week. I know, but like this is he's not with him on the podcast. I would really love to hear this fucking story.
SPEAKER_00:So you want my dad to come on the podcast and tell everyone how he didn't have money when he was like we grew up with nothing, dude.
SPEAKER_01:No, I wanted I wanted Tony to ask him about what he wanted to ask him.
SPEAKER_02:We were by no means poor people, like yeah, you had$25 out of a paycheck. Dude, you lived there, yeah. That's Dallas on the fucking busiest street possible. My mom had negative money left when she got paid.
SPEAKER_00:But we uh we always had what we needed for uh for the most part, but yeah, dude, ask my dad, dude. He had me when he was fucking 17, dude. He's like he had money, he's like his fucking hey, Chris.
SPEAKER_02:You think this HBO pays for itself? We never had any cable television.
SPEAKER_00:HBO meant something. We didn't never even have cable television.
SPEAKER_01:When I when I was younger, I loved going to my grandparents because they were rich and they had HBO. Your grandparents were rich. My grandparents were. So was my mom.
SPEAKER_00:My mom's side, I thought was rich. We lived my grandparents lived across the street from your grandparents. What? Yeah. Your grandpa uh the they had the bar side of the Brenner side or Weber side. Yeah, yeah. You know, the before they built that house that's behind them that we used to be the open field across Wilbur. That that was my white grandparents' house.
SPEAKER_01:Well, hey, uh that's the only reason I wanted to be able to do that. They had one.
SPEAKER_00:They had, dude, wait, they had this thing. One time I went to my grandma's house and she had this box with the little cord connected to the TV, and you could change the channel from your seat. Like a remote.
SPEAKER_01:I remember having cartoons, and this never was a thing when you were younger. Cartoons all day long.
SPEAKER_00:The Cartoon Network channel.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you didn't have that. That's that was that was more than HBO.
SPEAKER_00:Dude, I had to get up on Saturday. I used to record the X-Men cartoons on VHS. That's right. Don't start with that.
SPEAKER_02:Your dad had blank VHS tape money.
SPEAKER_00:No, we used to have to put tape over the holes and record over the free ones that the Jehovah's Witnesses would drop off.
SPEAKER_01:You're talking about the holes that that that you have to block to actually record. So he tried to stop them from being recorded over.
SPEAKER_00:No, you couldn't re-record on VHS tapes, I don't think.
SPEAKER_01:No, there was restriction. They had something you could do to the VHS to stop them from re-recorded over. That's why I said you blocked that with the tape.
SPEAKER_02:But uh, you know, the generation before us really their fucking childhood was nothing.
SPEAKER_00:Nothing. Like they had sticks. Yeah, nothing. Kick the can was literally just a can.
SPEAKER_02:Which is why, like 15 years ago, like if you found a metal Tonka truck, it was fucking$200.
SPEAKER_00:Because it would have never lasted because it got played with so hard.
SPEAKER_02:Because and because now the people that are fucking old who threw this shit away now get fucking super nostalgic, and they're buying a truck that was being given away a year earlier, and they're like, Oh, I'd pay 50 bucks for that, I'll pay 60, I'd pay 70.
SPEAKER_01:I'm trying to think about something I would buy. This is something that I did when I was younger. Uh I it was against the law, but I did it. Uh jerked off in Walmart? No, I left it. Not illegal anymore. 27 states have legalized that. Left that for the predators. No, but this is something I did, and I wonder what I want to know if you guys did the same thing or even had someone that knew about it or did it. We used to think um the tire. Okay, so the um uh what are they fucking called? You screw on the fuck to fill the tire up. What the fuck? Chromies, bro. Chromies! Kromies! I used to collect them! Remember chromies? Okay, so we used to think they were fucking like more valuable than gold. Like if you get a chromie that has a thick head and like wide body, and it was a certain color or or shininess, it was valuable beyond value. Nah, you were just stealing it off the rich kid's bike. That's all it was. But it wasn't off bikes, it was off cars. Off the tire of a car. And the To recall Chromies. Thank you for getting back when Tori, do you remember this?
SPEAKER_00:I've had a I had a couple Chromies.
SPEAKER_02:Do you remember this? This yeah. Chromies. I had them on my golf cart and I literally took them off it last week. So no one would steal them? No.
SPEAKER_01:I got kids be stealing shit nowadays, too. I thought I would have got rich by stealing. I had fucking a giant shoebox full of chromies thinking I was gonna get rich. I never had like more than four or five. Everywhere I went when I saw shiny uh tire gauge fucking clip, chromi, whatever the fuck you wanted.
SPEAKER_02:There were a couple things that uh I used to steal when I was a kid. Uh Chromies was one. Also, when I learned how to snap a hood ornament off, this is back when cars had hood or something.
SPEAKER_00:Hood ornaments were a flex too.
SPEAKER_02:My hood ornament game was pretty strong. And uh the other thing was I don't know what they're called, but but the little push button things that only came on expensive sweatshirts on the on the tassels to like stopper. I have no idea that you push the button, there's a little spring in it and it goes up.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know if I got any I don't have anything with one on them now, but good hoodies would have that, or like hoodies, like a bag.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, you're you're talking about something that tighten up the fucking string to Yeah, I do actually remember that super expensive sweatshirts had them, and I couldn't afford the sweatshirts when I was just at the store, I'd steal them, and I'm like now somebody would have a really expensive sweatshirt with no and I'm sure we had a name for them because chromies, that's not their real name. They're called valve stem caps. Yeah, so I'm sure I'm sure there's an actual name for them that we don't know, and we call them squishy squappers or some stupid shit. No, I get it, yeah. But I remember my fucking generic ass sweater would have like six on each side.
SPEAKER_00:Where'd you get those, Tone?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and and everybody else used to have them, and they'd we'd all steal them from each other.
SPEAKER_01:Tony walks into school in the morning. Oh shit, Tony! Where'd you get the extra money?
SPEAKER_00:Clipping clapping between his as he's walking down.
SPEAKER_02:Tony's yeah, picking it up and down and just. I wear them low so that they fucking hit each other like the infinity marbles.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, see, I've just been thinking right now, and I might never stop fucking hitting each other.
SPEAKER_02:My first somewhere I got a hoodie with them still going.
SPEAKER_00:Sitting in the closet just making noise. Still clicking. Yeah, I've been sitting here thinking, man, so my first car was a 77 Pontiac Catalina. Yeah. Had a big V8 in it, double bench seats. It was all gold with mustard-colored gold interior. I paid 900 bucks or 925 bucks for it. In nine, it would have been in 90. 97. Yeah, 98 maybe. And I don't think I would pay more than 900 bucks for one right now. I'm literally.
SPEAKER_01:Not everyone hates their childhood as much as you do.
SPEAKER_02:I'm in the market right now for a mint condition 1986 Reliant K-car and the color Dookie Brown with a red interior. You're fucking retarded.
SPEAKER_00:That's the common Oldsmobile color skin.
SPEAKER_02:If I find it, I'm fucking paying whatever the fuck they're asking.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, see, I don't know about that stuff, man. I will tell you, there's a there is right now a broner branded hat that is no longer made, that I lost one. But even that, I it's not the one I had. I don't want a new one. I want the same one. Well, Chris, it's not. So if someone would go, if someone would go and find the exact same hat with the paint stain that I made that one time at summer camp on accident, the one that's been down. We're not talking about which one I'd scoop up. I'd pay 70 bucks, 60 bucks.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, that's that's ridiculous. If something you had from 90s, you'd only pay$70. I had this.
SPEAKER_00:I lost this like a year ago. Actually, I lost it this summit.
SPEAKER_02:Somebody's holding it for ransom, just waiting for it to gain more value in your head. They're listening to this podcast right now, going, it's not rep.
SPEAKER_00:It's probably floating down Harpin Creek right now.
SPEAKER_02:They're like, we need more time. Wait, did you say 80?
SPEAKER_00:Maybe. I don't know what I would. Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Shit. I thought this was like the 90s you lost. You lost a year ago at the 90s. Not even a year ago.
SPEAKER_00:It was this summer. I mean I've already replaced my wife. Already bought me a replacement one.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I haven't won it yet. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:There, there's just there's certain things that I will literally pay fucking anything for.
SPEAKER_00:Like that Pontiac car CD player, the Pontiac, or that what was it? Not Pon Panasonic, Pan Pontiac. What was it? Panasonic. The one with the little whale screen on it. Oh, that's the Pioneer. The Pioneer. Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I got I actually still owned one 6700 plus or whatever it is. I got the upgraded model from the screen that comes out? Oh, you're a fucking the Pioneer. The Pioneer Chameleon.
SPEAKER_00:You're flexing on that.
SPEAKER_02:It's the one where the screen comes out and flips over, so it's a blank.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, no one wants that shit, dude. You're crazy.
SPEAKER_02:No, I'm gonna hold on to that thing forever. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe I'll put that in my van when my it's the same size thing.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, it's not for sale, so you're gonna have to find your own.
SPEAKER_01:So everything every everything that comes to me to cut that comes to mind that I would want, they're always toys. Something that I had that was like playable.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, now you better believe I'm gonna be keeping my eye open for these crash test dummies. Dude, I mean a hundred of them. Because they mean nothing.
SPEAKER_00:You're gonna take a picture and be like, dude, look at this guy at a bucket of them for eight bucks that I didn't buy. In the wild wild. I don't know, man. Finding it in the wild does add another level to it because then it's like more of an impulse. I agree. Oh, I used to have one of those. Let me just buy that.
SPEAKER_01:But but Chris, you're not going from fucking a garage sale to garage sale looking for something that's iconic to your kids. I can't think of anything. But I'm just saying, like, you're not doing that to look at something.
SPEAKER_00:I think part of it is that I've held on to most of that shit. I don't let anything go. I throw everything. I have my fucking Nintendo I used to have when I was a kid. I have it.
SPEAKER_02:Do you have the box? So, in other words, your nostalgia has already been fulfilled by your batting.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe. Maybe. And I don't want any of it though. I don't want it all to go away. I want it all to go away, but I can't. I would I would buy it. Because I know as soon as I throw it away, my wife's gonna go out and buy one three weeks later. Listen, man, here's the deal.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe. Here's the deal. I'll buy your whole childhood for a thousand dollars right now. Thousand dollars. No, no, no, no. Listen to me.
SPEAKER_00:No, I need a little more than that.
SPEAKER_02:I will give you a two-year equal buyback on it. And then after that, anytime over the next two years, you can buy it back on the same amount of time. It's like he's like he's he's he's a fucking. After two years, the price triples.
SPEAKER_01:He's a pawn shop that doesn't charge you interest.
SPEAKER_00:No, it just tripled. Oh after two years. No interest till 19 no interest for 24 months plan. Yeah. I don't know what you get out of it. Whole childhood. I don't know what they're in 24 wherever he wants. Like my dad is trying to get rid of shit, and like almost for there was a period of time where him and Amy were like on this thing where they were trying to get rid of something every day, pretty much. Like, just get rid of something. So they would come over and they'd be like, Oh, we made ribs.
SPEAKER_02:Can I get rid of some of your stuff or ran out of shit?
SPEAKER_00:They'd be like, Here, oh, we made some ribs. And they'd bring them over and be like, Oh, and also here's a box of all your medals from when you were in fifth grade field day.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, field day!
SPEAKER_00:Cool. Um, you can put it over there in the trash. They can go in the package. Chris. No, it goes over that shit I got rid of.
SPEAKER_01:Chris, no one cares about five place ribbons.
SPEAKER_00:No, they were all participation. They didn't do that shit back in the day, but I did have a lot of uh what, like purple fifth placers.
SPEAKER_01:I had a hot I had a fucking shit ton of the blue, second place, a couple reds. That's first place. But I can't think of shit, man.
SPEAKER_00:That would really give me like, oh. I think I've turned into this. I have turned into this. You would ask me this five years ago, it would have been different. I've turned into this like fucking I I just don't I don't want it.
SPEAKER_01:I don't just want to You want to live in the future, not the past.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know like that's fine, Chris. Disconnect from everything and just grow corn in a few.
SPEAKER_01:Let me let me ask you this. Um if you had a chance to be filthy rich, like not um Elon Musk rich, but rich I don't get five hundred billion dollars. No, you do not get five hundred billion. Rich as in you really never have to do anything, but you can't spend too much where you get into the hole. So you have to you have to keep it.
SPEAKER_00:So I need like eighty thousand dollars for the next twenty years.
SPEAKER_01:No, well, I mean that's how you can live on that great, but you have to live on what you're doing now. Uh you don't no expenditures, no crazy fucking things, but you can travel the fucking world. Done. Done. Done.
SPEAKER_00:Without even like I didn't even finish the question. I don't even need it. I don't need to know if there's meals included or not. None of that. Like, are you saying? I mean, I have a child though. That's the complicated.
SPEAKER_01:Well, yeah, you're gonna have to go on everyone. You have a fucking teacher in your family. Your wife's a teacher.
SPEAKER_00:Only up to fifth grade teaching.
SPEAKER_01:Well, geez, it doesn't really after that doesn't matter? Yeah, does it matter after that? Does it really matter?
SPEAKER_00:I'm done. I'm in. Okay. Where do I sign up?
SPEAKER_01:Now, if I were to take your expenditures away where the same exact rules apply. Okay. But at this cost, you have like you have nothing. Literally, you you you you fight for every day to to eat.
SPEAKER_00:And am I still traveling in this one?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you're always traveling. Yes. Oh, yeah, I'm in. Really? Like you have no question.
SPEAKER_00:So, like if I'm hungry, I gotta be like, hey, restaurant tour, no, no, you're always gonna No no no no.
SPEAKER_01:You don't have to fucking kill your own food. You don't have to like kill someone to get your food. That's my dream.
SPEAKER_02:That's literally my dick got hard when you just said that.
SPEAKER_00:So basically, I wake up in the morning and everything I want to do or need to do is covered. But when I go back to sleep, all I have is like the shirt on my back. And I wake up the same I can go travel to this, do that, to go skiing one day, go to the concert thing that have enough money to get the the souvenir soda there and a piece of pizza there as well.
SPEAKER_01:Probably gonna have to get water. But yeah. When I'm yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, sign me up.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, because all the things you'd expect.
SPEAKER_00:All those things you'd experience, dude. You can't buy that shit. So I could go walking down cobblestone roads one day, working in some Mua Thai shop in Taiwan the next day. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So basically, you will not have your favorite foods probably for the rest of your life. I don't know what even that food is. Okay, whatever.
SPEAKER_00:I think the favorite food I've ever had is gonna be Tony's smoked ribs and fried catfish. You'll never have that. You'll never have it. Never have it.
SPEAKER_02:I'm just saying, like I don't I don't even know. I feel like I don't even know you. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_00:What do you mean? Do I appear to be somebody who's like all interested in the material? To like no, to like I don't know, no routines.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so Tony, you said You know I don't have any routine.
SPEAKER_02:No nostalgia. I have nostalgia, but it's more mental. You just want to walk items dirty, barefooted down cobblestone.
SPEAKER_00:Dude, that sounds awesome.
SPEAKER_01:So the crazy part about this is we had two uh episodes we just fucking just did, and Chris did not agree with either one. But Tony, I would like to ask you the same question. I didn't agree with the what? No. Well not agree. I'm saying like you didn't like nostalgia or uh Tony, go ahead.
SPEAKER_02:I I honestly have no interest in travel.
SPEAKER_01:That's my favorite shit.
SPEAKER_02:What if you didn't have to travel then?
SPEAKER_00:Well, you go to the same vacation, if you will, quote, every weekend.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So you could go wherever you wanted. You never had to worry about work, never worry about employees. You did what you wanted to do, but you could never buy anything more than you could spend. You could never get a better t-shirt. You had to wear the shit you have now. Fine, you can upgrade your socks every once in a while, but that's about it. Would you do that? How many times do I gotta wear the socks each time? Well, you wear as much as you want. I'm saying you have like three socks. Three pairs.
SPEAKER_02:Three pairs? Oh, that's game changer. I'd take that. Three socks, yeah, man. I gotta rotate them every other day. Three pairs of socks, dick. So you would you would you would you wouldn't? Or wouldn't you probably not? I'd rather have this life. Okay, all right, all right. Well, Chris wouldn't. You would do the opposite.
SPEAKER_00:Dude, do we start tomorrow?
SPEAKER_01:If if I could, I I would love to see that journey. I would document that thing with GoPros.
SPEAKER_00:Because yeah, if you got like if they were like, oh, you have the equivalent of a standard living wage in the country you are in per day. Your lodging is taken care of. So you will have the ability to go out and tell you this.
SPEAKER_01:Basically, you can't do anything extra that you do now.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah. So I mean, I do now almost all of the extras.
SPEAKER_01:What extra I do all of them now.
SPEAKER_00:You said I it's the same li same level of lifestyle.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, I said you can't do extra shit. You just don't have to worry about working or making money. But I want to go do stuff. I want to go to the concert.
SPEAKER_00:I want to go have food and the rest of it.
SPEAKER_01:You can't do that. So your your opinion changes then?
SPEAKER_00:No, I think it still stands.
SPEAKER_01:Never you the only way.
SPEAKER_00:Can I go earn money? Yeah, by sucking dick. I don't need to suck dick to make money. You're not only allowed to do other holes to make money. Whoa, this has now changed. I don't want to do any of those things. But I'll go working and like picking up trash after the parade type jobs. Like, I don't need a I'll go do oh, you need manure shovering and I can get 50 bars.
SPEAKER_01:You're not allowed to make any money. You're just allowed to live.
SPEAKER_02:Oh perfect.
SPEAKER_01:No, you're not that's making money.
SPEAKER_00:So what do you have to do? Just walk, wander aimlessly with nothing? Yeah, just drinking water eating salt bread? You just thought you would do it. I still probably would, yeah. You would survive off of fucking water and saltines. If there was an opportunity for like, hey, we want to record for educational purposes and entertainment purposes. You for 30 days living as a homeless person. You should go on naked and afraid, Chris. Oh my god, would I naked and afraid's a little too extreme because I don't want bugs? I feel like you could do it though. I feel like you could do it. I think I think you have a great mental space. I do believe I could. I don't think I would like the bugs though. Like the amount.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you gotta go to somewhere cold then.
SPEAKER_00:And then the starvation, too. That seems like the hardest part. The starvation and the bugs.
SPEAKER_01:I think the hardest part is the mental thing. I could take the starvation and the bugs. The mental thing, my fucking mind is not.
SPEAKER_00:My hardest part would be separated from all of my family and friends. Yeah, you well, I mean, it depends on the because I think after about six, seven days, even me as a traveler, like I don't like bring me back to my family and kids and all right.
SPEAKER_01:So, nostalgia, let's bring it back to the the topic of hand. Nostalgia, yes, fucking toys. I think that's the biggest thing. I just realized I'm soulless.
SPEAKER_00:I have no soul. Okay, I have I just don't want the physical things. I have nostalgia for sounds, for events, for memory, smells, but not things. Who even are you?
SPEAKER_01:I don't think I don't know. I don't think you I think toys are the biggest thing in my life.
SPEAKER_02:Toys. Well, yeah, because oh, they're definitely the biggest thing in your wife's life.
SPEAKER_01:You so you're fucking clapping dick. Nostalgia, do you have one? God damn it, give us a fucking rating and review, please. Because we need them. We got like four. We need like four more to be rated on on a pod on a podcast that makes sense. Chris, you got a problem with your mic?
SPEAKER_00:Nothing.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, good. Oh, every Tuesday in your ears, top shelf stories. Chris loves you, Tony hates you. Good night.
